Anti-Food Porn Thread: Seems Saggy Not Saggy A Bit Saggy Ball - The Something Awful Forums

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The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Anti-Food Porn Thread: Seems Saggy Not Saggy A Bit Saggy Ball

Zopotantor: Feb 24, 2013; ...und ist er drin dann lassen wir ihn niemals wieder raus...

Helith posted:

To my British eyes that looks like a picture of lumpy runny cream on scones.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/07/25/post_pub_nosh_biscuits_and_gravy/

# ? Aug 1, 2015 07:53

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# ? May 29, 2024 18:37

quidditch it and quit it: Oct 11, 2012

Picnic Princess posted:

When I was in Thailand, we tried shrimp chips. They were alright. But they don't hold a candle to a different convenience store specialty: pork floss.

I had some awesome sweetcorn chips when I was out there, they were delicious. What's Pork Floss like? I really want to try that.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 08:25

Mercedes Colomar: Nov 1, 2008; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Zopotantor posted:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/07/25/post_pub_nosh_biscuits_and_gravy/

Who the gently caress adds cheese to their gravy? Who gave them that idea even?

# ? Aug 1, 2015 08:25

WeedlordGoku69: Feb 12, 2015; by Cyrano4747

Manuel Calavera posted:

Who the gently caress adds cheese to their gravy? Who gave them that idea even?

It's just Parmesan, and not very much of it even. Kinda wanna try that now, actually.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 08:32

Lucy Heartfilia: May 31, 2012

de la peche posted:

I had some awesome sweetcorn chips when I was out there, they were delicious. What's Pork Floss like? I really want to try that.

fluffy jerky. it's awesome.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 08:33

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Yeah, it's like super salty meat flavoured cotton candy.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 08:34

Dickey Butts: Feb 3, 2008; Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

Helith posted:

Yeah, I've just done some googling and worked out that 'white gravy' is bechamel sauce essentially and that in America many sauces are called gravy. In the UK only brown gravy is called gravy which is why it looked so odd to me and biscuits look just like scones so it makes me think 'sweet'.

It's essentially a bechamel with sausage and meat drippings. Just like a lot of Western sauces are "like this French mother sauce, but". That being said, I'd totally encourage all to try biscuits and gravy. It's not healthy or smart, but done right, it's amazing.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 08:35

SymmetryrtemmyS: Jul 13, 2013; I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

Here is my recipe for biscuits and gravy. I make it every now and then, and it's in every diner in Oregon, but this is my favorite version. I tried to make it Euro-friendly with the units and ingredients used.

Biscuits:

341 grams all purpose flour, chilled
4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp kosher salt
85 grams butter
1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 425�F
Mix dry ingredients well. Cut in butter then shortening using your fingers, until the texture resembles coarse crumbs. Don't over do it and don't let the fats get too warm.
Add buttermilk and mix only enough to incorporate. Turn out onto a floured board/counter.
Fold the dough two or three times, press or roll it out to 1/2- to 3/4-inch thick, and cut to desired size. Consolidate and fold the remains a couple of times, flatten, and cut more.
Place them, barely touching, on a half-sheet baking pan lined with a Silpat and use your thumb to make a dimple in the center of each biscuit. Brush lightly with buttermilk and bake for about 15-20 minutes, until done.

Gravy:

500g breakfast sausage or chipolata, removed from casing
4 slices bacon (American style), diced
1/2 medium onion or 1-2 shallots, diced finely
3 cloves garlic, grated or minced finely
25g flour
Plenty of black pepper
Salt
Sage
2 cups half-and-half or single cream
Chunk of butter

Heat a skillet on medium heat, then cook sausage, bacon, and onions, breaking the sausage into small pieces. Reserve the cooked meat and onions and leave the fat in the pan. Cook gradually at this stage - you want to render the meat and extract as much fat as possible.
Stir in flour and cook for 1-2 minutes, then add garlic, pepper, sage, and salt. Stir into the roux and cook until fragrant.
Slowly stir in the half and half, using a small amount of half and half with a small amount of roux in a bowl to make a b�chamel.
Stir in the reserved meat and onions. Cook over medium heat until it thickens. Keep in mind it will become slightly thicker when you serve it, and thin it out with milk or half and half.
Stir in the butter and let sit while you prepare the biscuits.

To assemble, split biscuits in half while not quite steaming but still warm, laying them inside up. Spoon gravy over the biscuits and garnish with parsley and lots of black pepper.

One biscuit will serve one person. You want to cover the biscuits entirely with gravy and have a little bit left over on the sides.

It is a calorie bomb, and a gut bomb, but it's really tasty fatty indulgence that is good comfort food.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 11:42

NLJP: Aug 26, 2004

AnonSpore posted:

...Watery leek risotto with prosciutto over it?

Yeah the crime here is lovely risotto.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 12:01

kinmik: Jul 17, 2011; Dog, what are you doing? Get away from there.
You don't even have thumbs.

These are a thing in Japan now: wasabi-mayo Pringles.

If I can find one of the little cans, I'll do a trip report because I'll be hosed if I'm downing a whole 7 oz. can of them by myself.

They are apparently delicious

# ? Aug 1, 2015 13:39

Tree Goat: May 24, 2009; argania spinosa

NLJP posted:

Yeah the crime here is lovely risotto.

I maintain even good risotto doesn't photograph that well. You mostly gotta rely on having distracting colors when you plate it.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 14:20

Wanamingo: Feb 22, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Tree Goat posted:

I maintain even good risotto doesn't photograph that well. You mostly gotta rely on having distracting colors when you plate it.

Color does seem to help.

Now to make up for posting a picture of good food, have some bacon jam.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 14:34

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

kinmik posted:

They are apparently delicious

I'd believe it.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 14:57

Loomer: Dec 19, 2007; A Very Special Hell

I don't understand how bacon could possibly be 'paleo'.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 14:58

Danger Mahoney: Mar 19, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Loomer posted:

I don't understand how bacon could possibly be 'paleo'.

Sodium nitrite, just like the cavemen used to eat!

# ? Aug 1, 2015 15:09

Wanamingo: Feb 22, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Loomer posted:

I don't understand how bacon could possibly be 'paleo'.

A paleolithic man definitely could have put pumpkin in coffee

# ? Aug 1, 2015 15:11

Gridlocked: Aug 2, 2014; MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Wanamingo posted:

A paleolithic man definitely could have put pumpkin in coffee

Remember the pumpkin spice thread? I hope it comes back.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 15:16

Helith: Nov 5, 2009; Basket of Adorables

SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

Here is my recipe for biscuits and gravy. I make it every now and then, and it's in every diner in Oregon, but this is my favorite version. I tried to make it Euro-friendly with the units and ingredients used.

Biscuits:

341 grams all purpose flour, chilled (plain flour)

4 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda = bicarb of soda

3/4 tsp kosher salt = coarse grained salt, use maldon sea salt or something similar I think

85 grams butter

1 cup buttermilk = 1 cup =250ml also if you can't get buttermilk you need to google how to make it yourself or sub in yoghurt/milk mixture or use sour cream

Preheat oven to 425�F

Mix dry ingredients well. Cut in butter then shortening (lard?, not in ingredient list) using your fingers, until the texture resembles coarse crumbs. Don't over do it and don't let the fats get too warm.

Add buttermilk and mix only enough to incorporate. Turn out onto a floured board/counter.

Fold the dough two or three times, press or roll it out to 1/2- to 3/4-inch thick, and cut to desired size. Consolidate and fold the remains a couple of times, flatten, and cut more.

Place them, barely touching, on a half-sheet baking pan lined with a Silpat(or use baking paper) and use your thumb to make a dimple in the center of each biscuit. Brush lightly with buttermilk and bake for about 15-20 minutes, until done.

Gravy:

500g breakfast sausage or chipolata, removed from casing (pork sausage meat or maybe just use pork mince?)

4 slices bacon (American style), diced = streaky bacon

1/2 medium onion or 1-2 shallots, diced finely

3 cloves garlic, grated or minced finely

25g flour

Plenty of black pepper

Salt

Sage

2 cups half-and-half or single cream = 500ml, half and half is half cream half milk

Chunk of butter

Heat a skillet (frying pan) on medium heat, then cook sausage, bacon, and onions, breaking the sausage into small pieces. Reserve the cooked meat and onions and leave the fat in the pan. Cook gradually at this stage - you want to render the meat and extract as much fat as possible.

Stir in flour and cook for 1-2 minutes, then add garlic, pepper, sage, and salt. Stir into the roux and cook until fragrant.

Slowly stir in the half and half, using a small amount of half and half with a small amount of roux in a bowl to make a b�chamel.

Stir in the reserved meat and onions. Cook over medium heat until it thickens. Keep in mind it will become slightly thicker when you serve it, and thin it out with milk or half and half.

Stir in the butter and let sit while you prepare the biscuits.

To assemble, split biscuits in half while not quite steaming but still warm, laying them inside up. Spoon gravy over the biscuits and garnish with parsley and lots of black pepper.

One biscuit will serve one person. You want to cover the biscuits entirely with gravy and have a little bit left over on the sides.

It is a calorie bomb, and a gut bomb, but it's really tasty fatty indulgence that is good comfort food.

Thanks for the recipe, I might try it out of curiosity though it's far too much cream for my taste and seems like it would be far too rich and heavy for breakfast. I think I wouldn't be able to move after a portion of that.
I've tried to make it even more UK friendly as there is a huge gulf between cooking / baking methods, terminology and ingredients from the US.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 15:31

Pham Nuwen: Oct 30, 2010

Helith posted:

Thanks for the recipe, I might try it out of curiosity though it's far too much cream for my taste and seems like it would be far too rich and heavy for breakfast. I think I wouldn't be able to move after a portion of that.
I've tried to make it even more UK friendly as there is a huge gulf between cooking / baking methods, terminology and ingredients from the US.

Kosher salt isn't the same thing as coarse-grained or sea salt. It's small flakes, bigger than table salt but smaller than sea salt's big loving pebbles.

Also I love that article from The Register, where all the commenters say it looks like vomit. Guys, you're British, you don't get to criticize how anyone else's food looks.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 15:54

ACES CURE PLANES: Oct 21, 2010

cash crab posted:

I have to loving make this.

If you do it, and keep up the rate of trip reports that you have been, I have a glimpse into your future:

# ? Aug 1, 2015 16:30

pookel: Oct 27, 2011; Ultra Carp

If you don't have buttermilk, add a tablespoon of lemon juice to a scant cup of milk (per cup). Buttermilk is sour milk, it's nothing like sour cream!

Edit: also shortening is not lard, it's partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. It's white, soft, smooth, and tasteless, and often sold under the brand Crisco. Idk if you guys have an equivalent.

pookel has a new favorite as of 16:40 on Aug 1, 2015

# ? Aug 1, 2015 16:37

cash crab: Apr 5, 2015; all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology

ACES CURE PLANES posted:

If you do it, and keep up the rate of trip reports that you have been, I have a glimpse into your present:

ftfy

Also, trip reports are really just my way of eating normally and also telling people about it.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 16:52

Rickycat: Nov 26, 2007; by Lowtax

cash crab posted:

ftfy

Also, trip reports are really just my way of eating normally and also telling people about it.

#HonorMyCurves

# ? Aug 1, 2015 17:08

cash crab: Apr 5, 2015; all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology

Thank you all for supporting my disgusting habits.

Anywho:

# ? Aug 1, 2015 17:13

AnonSpore: Jan 19, 2012; "I didn't see the part where he develops as a character so I guess he never developed as a character"

Please no bodyshaming itt

# ? Aug 1, 2015 17:14

pienipple: Mar 20, 2009; That's wrong!

pookel posted:

If you don't have buttermilk, add a tablespoon of lemon juice to a scant cup of milk (per cup). Buttermilk is sour milk, it's nothing like sour cream!

Edit: also shortening is not lard, it's partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. It's white, soft, smooth, and tasteless, and often sold under the brand Crisco. Idk if you guys have an equivalent.

Vegetable shortening is vegetable oil modified to substitute for lard. We now know that it's actually worse for us than lard because trans fats are worse than naturally saturated fats.

Shortening in general is any purified solid fat used for cooking.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 17:19

pookel: Oct 27, 2011; Ultra Carp

pienipple posted:

Vegetable shortening is vegetable oil modified to substitute for lard. We now know that it's actually worse for us than lard because trans fats are worse than naturally saturated fats.

Shortening in general is any purified solid fat used for cooking.

I know the bolded, but I thought "shortening" only referred to the vegetable kind, trans fats and all. Wouldn't lard have a totally different texture than Crisco? I like cooking with lard when the occasion calls for it, but it's pretty different, I think.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 18:07

Tree Goat: May 24, 2009; argania spinosa

Crisco was made as a lard replacement, it should be pretty much identical. Lard might have a slight flavor but it shouldn't contribute to a great extent.

British pies, even sweet ones, typically use suet or lard in the dough, while American pies nowadays are likelier to use butter or shortening, but I think the doughs end up very similar in taste, even if the textures and flakiness are different.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 18:14

Tiberius Thyben: Feb 7, 2013; Gone Phishing

SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

[*]341 grams all purpose flour, chilled (plain flour)

You'd better not put 340 grams in there, and god help you if you put 342 in.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 20:00

SmokaDustbowl: Feb 12, 2001; by vyelkin; Fun Shoe

Desperado Bones posted:

I think I caught a glimpse of shrimp flavored chips in one of my town's supermarkets, on the imported things aisle. But I don't remember the brand. Are shrimp flavored chips even good? I'm afraid of buying something expensive that tastes like poo poo.

they're tasty but they smell awful

# ? Aug 1, 2015 20:02

pookel: Oct 27, 2011; Ultra Carp

Tree Goat posted:

British pies, even sweet ones, typically use suet or lard in the dough, while American pies nowadays are likelier to use butter or shortening, but I think the doughs end up very similar in taste, even if the textures and flakiness are different.

This is true, and also I think it's acceptable to use butter in basically everything. Except tamales, those need lard.

Incidentally, there may be an American definition of "suet" I'm not familiar with, but where I grew up, "suet" was some sort of leftover meat fat packed with seeds and nuts that you fed to squirrels or birds. It was not for human consumption.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 20:05

Tree Goat: May 24, 2009; argania spinosa

Same stuff, just with seeds pressed into it. Suet is hard, raw fat. Birds will eat it. But humans can eat it too!

[don't eat suet sold for birds]

# ? Aug 1, 2015 20:10

SymmetryrtemmyS: Jul 13, 2013; I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

Helith posted:

Thanks for the recipe, I might try it out of curiosity though it's far too much cream for my taste and seems like it would be far too rich and heavy for breakfast. I think I wouldn't be able to move after a portion of that.
I've tried to make it even more UK friendly as there is a huge gulf between cooking / baking methods, terminology and ingredients from the US.

It's extremely rich and heavy, yeah. It's a farmer's meal - made to give you a bunch of calories so you don't starve by lunch. A bit much for the modern man, but it'll tide you over til dinner.

As far as the shortening, that's an artifact of an earlier version, which used both butter and lard. I consolidated them to just butter, but forgot to change the instructions.

Half-and-half isn't exactly half cream, half milk, by the way. That's what it may have meant once, but it's just another type of cream now, and is 12-15% milkfat (slightly below single cream, at 18%). Technically, half single cream and half half cream would give you the same fat content as half-and-half. If you can't find single cream, you can use double cream - but water it down with milk by a lot, like 3:1.

SymmetryrtemmyS has a new favorite as of 21:28 on Aug 1, 2015

# ? Aug 1, 2015 21:25

axolotl farmer: May 17, 2007; Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme

suet is the hard fat around beef kidneys.

it's used for traditiotional English Christmas pudding.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 21:54

Skinny King Pimp: Aug 25, 2011; Skinny Queen Wimp

Nobody puts cheese in sawmill gravy, that's some bullshit right there. Also y'all are being too complicated with the gravy recipes. Just cook down some properly seasoned pork breakfast sausage in a pan, remove the meat and make a roux with the rendered fat, then once it's just barely stopped smelling raw (you want a light blond roux basically), you stir in cream or milk or whatever. Season to taste and add a shitload of black pepper. Add back some of the crumbled sausage before you serve it.

And if you're gonna make biscuits with butter, you should freeze it overnight and then use a cheese grater to cut it into the flour. That way you get tiny chunks that are ice cold, which is really important for proper biscuits. Handle the dough as little as humanly possible before it goes in the oven so you get a really great rise on them and they stay flaky and delicious.

# ? Aug 1, 2015 22:52

Zipperelli.: Apr 3, 2011; Nap Ghost

Skinny King Pimp posted:

Nobody puts cheese in sawmill gravy, that's some bullshit right there. Also y'all are being too complicated with the gravy recipes. Just cook down some properly seasoned pork breakfast sausage in a pan, remove the meat and make a roux with the rendered fat, then once it's just barely stopped smelling raw (you want a light blond roux basically), you stir in cream or milk or whatever. Season to taste and add a shitload of black pepper. Add back some of the crumbled sausage before you serve it.

And if you're gonna make biscuits with butter, you should freeze it overnight and then use a cheese grater to cut it into the flour. That way you get tiny chunks that are ice cold, which is really important for proper biscuits. Handle the dough as little as humanly possible before it goes in the oven so you get a really great rise on them and they stay flaky and delicious.

:agreed:

I saw all these long rear end ingredient lists. Ridiculous.

All you need for the gravy is

Sausage
Flour
Milk
Salt and pepper to taste.

All this poo poo about caramelizing onions and poo poo? No. Stop. :getout:

:getout:

# ? Aug 1, 2015 23:36

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

EZipperelli posted:

I saw all these long rear end ingredient lists. Ridiculous.

All you need for the gravy is

Sausage
Flour
Milk
Salt and pepper to taste.

All this poo poo about caramelizing onions and poo poo? No. Stop.

Although white pepper is an awfully nice addition.

# ? Aug 2, 2015 00:13

I heart bacon: Nov 18, 2007; It's burgin' time!

Samizdata posted:

Although white pepper is an awfully nice addition.

I kinda like using black pepper in my sausage gravy. I think it adds something to the way the gravy looks when it gets poured on the biscuits.

# ? Aug 2, 2015 01:02

SymmetryrtemmyS: Jul 13, 2013; I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

EZipperelli posted:

I saw all these long rear end ingredient lists. Ridiculous.

All you need for the gravy is

Sausage
Flour
Milk
Salt and pepper to taste.

All this poo poo about caramelizing onions and poo poo? No. Stop.

If you want a plain-rear end gravy, sure. I like mine to have some flavor. Sage adds a delicious background note that really fills out the sausage flavor, and I don't think anyone can argue against onions, garlic, or bacon in sawmill gravy.

You can do it plain, and it'll be edible, but I figure you might as well put in the extra effort for a once-in-a-while meal.

# ? Aug 2, 2015 01:11

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# ? May 29, 2024 18:37

Skinny King Pimp: Aug 25, 2011; Skinny Queen Wimp

I can definitely argue against those things and am doing so right now. Garlic and onions have no place in sawmill gravy.

However, you can make sawmill gravy with bacon grease instead of sausage grease and it's delicious.

# ? Aug 2, 2015 01:21

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