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Chilichimp
Oct 24, 2006

TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp

Grimey Drawer

Ehud posted:

For anyone who doesn't go to the FART thread on a regular basis, I do a thing called Twitter Hot Takes that is similar to what this thread is about.

http://www.footballandrationalthoughts.com/category/humor/twitter-hot-takes/

I think this one is still my favorite:

http://www.footballandrationalthoughts.com/2015/03/18/twitter-hot-takes-chris-borland-retires/

This poo poo is inspired, man

Ehud posted:

Cowherd: I’m not gonna make it.
DavidCarl2400: Don’t you go dying on me, Cowherd!
Cowherd: Before I go…*gurgles*…if baseball is a thinking man’s game…why are 1/3 of the players from the Dominican Republic?
DavidCarl2400: *chuckles*…you always were an rear end hat, Cowherd.

Also, thank God, now I'll never again have to accidentally hear Cowherd on 790 when Buck and Kinkaid become insufferable.

Chilichimp fucked around with this message at 16:08 on Jul 28, 2015

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Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010

Ehud posted:

For anyone who doesn't go to the FART thread on a regular basis, I do a thing called Twitter Hot Takes that is similar to what this thread is about.

http://www.footballandrationalthoughts.com/category/humor/twitter-hot-takes/

I think this one is still my favorite:

http://www.footballandrationalthoughts.com/2015/03/18/twitter-hot-takes-chris-borland-retires/

How have you been posting here so long and didn't know what lean was?

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

Chilichimp posted:

This poo poo is inspired, man

thanks bro glad you like it :hfive:

Henchman of Santa posted:

How have you been posting here so long and didn't know what lean was?

I mostly just post without reading what anyone else says

Febreeze
Oct 24, 2011

I want to care, butt I dont

Ehud posted:

For anyone who doesn't go to the FART thread on a regular basis, I do a thing called Twitter Hot Takes that is similar to what this thread is about.

http://www.footballandrationalthoughts.com/category/humor/twitter-hot-takes/

I think this one is still my favorite:

http://www.footballandrationalthoughts.com/2015/03/18/twitter-hot-takes-chris-borland-retires/

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Comparing Colin Cowherd to Bill Cosby is not fair. At least you won’t remember your time spent with Cosby."


:drat:

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Kalli posted:

Oh man, you need that guy that shows up in every twitter conversation about athletes / ESPN personalities to talk about how these people are paid over a game and firefighters / teachers / cops should be making that money instead.

Every pencil-necked tweed-wearing college Lit professor I ever had?

edit

That was unfair. I did have a lit prof who was an actual dwarf. He cheered for the Giants. I am not kidding.

sirtommygunn
Mar 7, 2013



In response to the recent Sheldon Richardson arrest:

quote:

The evisceral response to this incident is kind of funny.

Some scrub blows out a knee in camp and hearts start to bleed. "Oh how unfortunate… Oh how terrible… He’s a human being."

And juxtapose that to this and u get "LYNCH THE THUG" type of comments. Both guys human. Both situations somewhat tragic.

Nobody was making any comments even remotely like that, by the way.

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

sirtommygunn posted:

In response to the recent Sheldon Richardson arrest:


Nobody was making any comments even remotely like that, by the way.

I like how it doesn't even make sense because an unfortunate injury in camp is way different than a guy who got high armed with a gun and drove like a maniac with a 12 year old in the backseat

R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004


the evisceral response

Febreeze
Oct 24, 2011

I want to care, butt I dont

Chichevache posted:

I did have a lit prof who was an actual dwarf. He cheered for the Giants. I am not kidding.

Did nobody ever tell you to dream big

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Febreeze posted:

Did nobody ever tell you to dream big

They did. What does it tell you about me that I looked at my two local teams, mid-90s Raiders and Niners, and decided to be a Seahawks fan?

Metapod
Mar 18, 2012

Chichevache posted:

They did. What does it tell you about me that I looked at my two local teams, mid-90s Raiders and Niners, and decided to be a Seahawks fan?

That you like to hate yourself

Amy Pole Her
Jun 17, 2002
On the flip side of bad reporters - Jeff Darlington is a former Dolphins beat writer who now works for NFL Network. He's fantastic. He says poo poo straight up, always has and always will, but in such a nice way people dont get upset.

http://www.miamidolphins.com/multim...0156.1437468957

He's giving a neat peak into the psyche of a locker room and how important things like leadership are when looking at prospects and free agents. It kinda attacks Ireland, and Darlington has ALWAYS been a big Ireland fan (as far as talent evaluation)

5:55 is when he addresses the Richie Incognito situation and gives a pretty... pretty good explanation of what likely took place, if you read behind the lines

Impossibly Perfect Sphere
Nov 6, 2002

They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!
Can't watch the video right now. What does he say about Incognito?

Chilichimp
Oct 24, 2006

TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp

Grimey Drawer

NC-17 posted:

Can't watch the video right now. What does he say about Incognito?

Nothing, just insinuates that Philbin and Ireland put no emphasis on leadership in the locker room, and that caused Incognito to basically run rough shod over his teammates.

Amy Pole Her
Jun 17, 2002
That Ireland didn't give one poo poo about anything but measurables, and was cold about his moves.

For instance anthony fasano. He's a mediocre TE that blocks well but had a great relationship with tannehill and it was no secret he kinda kept Richie in check.

They let him go off, not even making an offer, and bring in a guy with higher measurables but injury history. Who is later lost for the year.

He talks about philbin admitting he was flat out wrong about his attitude towards the players off the field - he said it's not his job to motivate professional athletes. Insanely stupid, but he's changed. Also goes into detail about some Packers who will jump at any chance to talk up philbin, namely Aaron Rodgers and Nelson, who call him a father figure and why it was confusing he seemed to not get along with guys.

People really under estimate the value of a cohesive locker room.

Rasczak
Mar 30, 2005

I agree with what he said about Jeff Ireland except for that part where he considered him a competent talent evaluator.

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Rasczak posted:

I agree with what he said about Jeff Ireland except for that part where he considered him a competent talent evaluator.

Its easy to take swipes at draft decisions, but the guy did have a knack for finding talent in later rounds and pulling Wake from the CFL. Even Ireland's harshest critics say he is one of the better talent evaluators out there.

Rasczak
Mar 30, 2005

swickles posted:

Its easy to take swipes at draft decisions, but the guy did have a knack for finding talent in later rounds and pulling Wake from the CFL. Even Ireland's harshest critics say he is one of the better talent evaluators out there.

As Jeff Ireland's harshest critic I refuse to concede that he has any redeeming qualities. :colbert:

PantsFreeZone
May 31, 2013

by Nyc_Tattoo
Jeff Ireland has a 33% hit rate on anything other than offensive linemen.

He's terrible and I'm glad he's dead.

Chilichimp
Oct 24, 2006

TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp

Grimey Drawer

PantsFreeZone posted:

Jeff Ireland has a 33% hit rate on anything other than offensive linemen.

He's terrible and I'm glad he's dead.

Bad news.

Amy Pole Her
Jun 17, 2002
Pretty drat good CB record

Shangri-Law School
Feb 19, 2013

A lifelong Seahawks fan asks Paul Allen to bequeath his team to the Twelves posted:

Note from the author: I sent this letter to Paul Allen at the VMAC and at his foundation. I'm posting it here as well in the hope that this idea--which I do believe is a plausible one--will be taken up for public discussion. In the comments section below, I've posted a link to a petition that you can sign if you want to publicly support the idea.

Dear Mr. Allen,

Perhaps I should start with an apology. I’m sorry. You see, I’m going to ask you for a gift. Maybe it’s better described as a donation. Quite a large one, it turns out. I’m sure you’re busy, and I’m sure you get hit up for donations a lot. So again, my apologies. But I have to ask.

I have to ask because I love the Seattle Seahawks—have since I was a little boy. I loved them when they mustered only two wins during the 1992 season, and I loved them when they finally, splendidly, won it all to conclude the 2013 season.

But more than that, I have to ask because I know that my story, and every imaginable variation of it, can be told by countless others in the Pacific Northwest. Those stories can be told by people of every stripe who care—really, truly care—about our Hawks.

These are people who understand that it’s okay to love a game. It’s okay to embrace the delirious highs and indescribable lows that numbers on a scoreboard so casually deliver. It’s okay because, for most of us, it’s not really about those numbers.

What is it really about? I don’t need to tell you—you already know. I’m certain you already know because I remember the spring of 1996. I was 15 years old, and terrified. Ken Behring was trying to take something from me, from all of us. But then, you. You rallied the city, bought the team, owned it the right way, and ushered in two decades of nearly unbroken success.

I’m coming around to that big request I mentioned, but first I need to let you in on a secret: During the Hawks’ Super Bowl-winning season, I cried. Twice. The first time was just after the final seconds ticked off the clock in XLVIII, and I turned and hugged my dad, my lifelong football companion. That was a big moment for us.

The other time? Those tears welled as I stood in CenturyLink field just before kickoff of the NFC Championship Game and watched you raise the 12th Man flag. In that moment—as I screamed like I was still that doggedly optimistic kid trying to will his team to victory in 1992, trying to keep his team from leaving in 1996—I let myself float away in the unadulterated joy that your stewardship of the Seahawks has brought this region.

In that moment, the fans were celebrating more than a team. We were celebrating you, and the community to which you’ve contributed so much. We were cheering for a local boy made good, whose talent and vision put him in a position to save our Seahawks.

And it’s because you saved our Hawks once before that now, finally, I have to ask. Would you please, upon your death (many years from now, we all hope), give the Seattle Seahawks to us, the fans?

As I said, it’s no small request. And I confess I don’t have the specifics worked out. Something along the lines of what’s worked so well in Green Bay, perhaps? A trust of some kind? You have a better mind for these kinds of details, I’m sure.

But if you did this, think what it would mean. It would mean that we would never again risk losing this team that we love. It would ensure that generations to come would get to know that rare, perfect feeling of community that swells during playoff time, when the Pacific Northwest is all 12s and jerseys and Hawkitecture and knowing nods and Go Hawks!

And, for what it’s worth, it would make you—already an icon in these parts—a legend.

Thanks for your time and consideration. Whatever you decide, I will always appreciate what you’ve done for this region. Go Hawks!

Sincerely,

Kevin Coe

Impossibly Perfect Sphere
Nov 6, 2002

They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!
Hey you know that thing you bought that you made totally awesome that I had nothing to do with? Please give it to me.

whypick1
Dec 18, 2009

Just another jackass on the Internet
That letter should be the entirety of their WYTS entry (added bonus: I don't have to read anything about that play...you know which one)

Amy Pole Her
Jun 17, 2002
I'm sorry chiche is lumped in with fans like that

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

AAA DOLFAN posted:

I'm sorry chiche is lumped in with fans like that

Me too. :smith: if I were to choose a team based purely on the fans I'd be associated with, I would go back and cheer for the Raiders or Titans.

corn on the cop
Oct 12, 2012

Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

― Corey Dostoyevsky

quote:

And it’s because you saved our Hawks once before that now, finally, I have to ask. Would you please, upon your death (many years from now, we all hope), give the Seattle Seahawks to us, the fans?

feel like this could have been phrased better

Zifnab
Aug 21, 2005

Hope Springs Eternal

Chichevache posted:

Me too. :smith: if I were to choose a team based purely on the fans I'd be associated with, I would go back and cheer for the Raiders or Titans.

:stare:

sharknado slashfic
Jun 24, 2011

I assume this is a troll, or possibly a Steelers fan, but Poe's Law and all that:
e: looks like he posted it on Patsfans as well





Hello my name dikembe
today i post my worst 10 quarterback in football league

number 10
matthew stafford

matthew stafford is good at throwing football downfield very far he also is man of god because he only completes to saint calvin of johnson. He also play for lions cool name very nice colors

number 9
mark sanchez

true new york jet legend he is best known for being very accurate and great at decision making however he is not good at running very direct so he is not as good as great quarterback like tom brady and aaron rodger

number 8
andy luck

more like andy suck am i right aha but no everyone say andy is so good wow next big thing but he is so overrate he has top 5 pick running back in trent richards and cant even beat patriots aha next time maybe andy

number 7
andrew dalton

andrew dalton is much like matthew stafford but he is worse at church and instead of saint calvin has archbishop aj aha u suck andy

number 6
aaron hernandez

great leader no? If only his accuracy % were higher

number 5
alex smith

i could do what alex smith does give me good offensive line great running back good defense all he has to do is not suck but
sometimes he even does that he is like a worse mark sanchez

number 4
robert griffith the i.i.i

why did we ever think this clown was good? He used to be the definition of average, now he is definition of below average! He should change name to "robert griffith the iii best quarterback on the team" ahahaha

number 3
colin kaepernick

a hybrid of robert griffith the iii best quarterback on his team and alex smith. Was good because his defense and run game was good now that theyre bad he is suck no? He cant pass long or short or even run anymore.

Number 2
mike vick

mike vick was kaepernick and griffith the iii best quarterback on his team before they existed. He is lefty, which means he is devil no? He killed many puppies, ah such sad no? And he never wins big or small games


drum roll please

worst quarterback in football

number one


peyton manning

this clutch lacking trash compacter of wasted talent is number one on dikembe list of worst quarterbacks in football league. He is blessed with great talent no? He is also blessed with great receivers no? Then he goes out to play and lets them do all the work. Smh peyton. If this was the appocolypse id kill myself before listening to an idiot tell me how to get killed as he protect himself. Peyton manning is worst player in nfl history maybe.

sharknado slashfic fucked around with this message at 21:04 on Aug 14, 2015

Impossibly Perfect Sphere
Nov 6, 2002

They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

They've got moxie.

Joey Freshwater
Jun 20, 2004

Always playing with my meat
Grimey Drawer
Dikembe about to get knocked the gently caress out

Quiet Feet
Dec 14, 2009

THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?





Chichevache posted:

Me too. :smith: if I were to choose a team based purely on the fans I'd be associated with, I would go back and cheer for the Raiders or Titans.

Well, I guess if you like stabbings or like being alone, respectively. Actually if you like stabbings you'll probably be alone a lot so I guess that's true for both.

Chilichimp
Oct 24, 2006

TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp

Grimey Drawer

Chichevache posted:

Me too. :smith: if I were to choose a team based purely on the fans I'd be associated with, I would go back and cheer for the Raiders or Titans.

Dude, aren't you from San Fran?

Spoeank
Jul 16, 2003

That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it
Dikembe is hilarious.


now that theyre bad he is suck no? He cant pass long or short or even run anymore.

^---- thats future av text poo poo there.

King Hong Kong
Nov 6, 2009

For we'll fight with a vim
that is dead sure to win.

Quiet Feet posted:

Well, I guess if you like stabbings or like being alone, respectively. Actually if you like stabbings you'll probably be alone a lot so I guess that's true for both.

It's mostly people smoking marijuana or falling off the stadium these days.

Chiche really should be a Raiders fan, though. It would be one of the better post-Wheez developments.

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN
Pretty sure most of the Black Hole these days is middle management dads from the suburbs because they're the only people who can afford decent seats.

Chichevache
Feb 17, 2010

One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Chilichimp posted:

Dude, aren't you from San Fran?

San Jose, the bigger and cooler city 40 miles South where the Niners came to play because they want that Silicon Valley money. I.E., we are the Jersey to SF's NYC. Except we have culture.

warcrimes
Jul 6, 2013

I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life. :parrot: :parrot: :parrot: :parrot:

Chichevache posted:

San Jose, the bigger and cooler city 40 miles South where the Niners came to play because they want that Silicon Valley money. I.E., we are the Jersey to SF's NYC. Except we have culture.

I lived in SJ for five years on The Alameda right by the shark tank, really liked it there.

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Spoeank
Jul 16, 2003

That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it
That area on The Alameda is pretty sweet. I'm stuck in the west San Jose/Santa Clara/Cupertino mega-suburb

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