|
Good luck, op 
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2015 00:37
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 14:05 |
|
|
I'm glad you're starting to move on and that you're smart enough to recognize it's not a good idea to date yet. Just be prepared for those feelings to come back at some point, likely when you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, lonely, or nostalgic. They may not, but I think for a lot of people you get that fleeting desire to try to reconcile every now and then. Each time it happens the feelings get a little weaker and farther apart, so most likely you're over the hardest part. Best of luck to you.
|
|
#
?
Jul 15, 2015 15:34
|
|
|
If you're still paying her cell bill (which you should stop doing), request a copy of the bill for the time that "she was in OR looking for homes". You mentioned that you were messaging pics of the kids daily. Find out if her phone was in OR or TX. Just because she said she was looking for places in OR and catching up with her family, might not actually mean she was.
|
|
#
?
Jul 17, 2015 07:17
|
|
|
adrenaline_junket posted:If you're still paying her cell bill (which you should stop doing), request a copy of the bill for the time that "she was in OR looking for homes". You mentioned that you were messaging pics of the kids daily. Find out if her phone was in OR or TX. As a man two years out of divorce and having recently unraveled some of my ex-wife's lies I have some suggestions about this, informed by my own experience. 1. There will be TONS of absolutely unforgivable betrayals that you didn't see because you didn't want to. 2. Don't look for them until you need to. This could be sooner rather than later on account of the adversarial divorce. But trust me; finding them out is going to hurt. A lot. Wait till it's useful to do so. 3. For me it was useful years after to provide closure and sanity. Like: "no I was not crazy she was trying to gently caress my boss". Knowing that my instincts were not wrong and that I made the right decision leaving her is a significant comfort. But these facts about the past would have DESTROYED me had I dug it up earlier, when I was more vulnerable. As a general bit of advice I want to tell you to talk openly with as many people as you can about your situation. I swear to god every street has a bar, a certain one, that is a veritable divorce bullshit support group. I can remember at mine one time. I was thinking about giving my wife the car in addition to pretty much everything else since she would 'need' it more than me. At this bar a woman that we all called "Mom" screams from the other end of the room "Don't give that bitch an inch! You'll hate yourself later!". I still love those people for all the support.
|
|
#
?
Jul 17, 2015 12:24
|
|
|
adrenaline_junket posted:If you're still paying her cell bill (which you should stop doing), request a copy of the bill for the time that "she was in OR looking for homes". You mentioned that you were messaging pics of the kids daily. Find out if her phone was in OR or TX. There are probably legal reasons why OP can't stop paying the phone bill, but requesting the records is a very good idea.
|
|
#
?
Jul 17, 2015 15:15
|
|
|
Slow Motion posted:3. For me it was useful years after to provide closure and sanity. Like: "no I was not crazy she was trying to gently caress my boss". Knowing that my instincts were not wrong and that I made the right decision leaving her is a significant comfort. But these facts about the past would have DESTROYED me had I dug it up earlier, when I was more vulnerable. You raise a good point about unraveling things and the impact it could have on the OP's self esteem and self worth. Perhaps this is better served as something his lawyer does. Even though OR doesnt have at fault divorce, perhaps this will help strengthen the case when establishing her lack of credibility.
|
|
#
?
Jul 18, 2015 13:23
|
|
|
I got my kids Friday and took them shopping. While we were shopping I found out that she has apparently pissed off the people she was staying with enough to have them kick her out. She hasn't spoken to anyone in her family since she was kicked out and the only thing she said when she left was that I can take care of the kids. She has abandoned the kids with me against her court order. She burned all her bridges here in Oregon so my only though is she went back to Ohio of will be heading to Texas. I will be honest I am really surprised she didn't show up at my door.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 20:28
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:I got my kids Friday and took them shopping. While we were shopping I found out that she has apparently pissed off the people she was staying with enough to have them kick her out. She hasn't spoken to anyone in her family since she was kicked out and the only thing she said when she left was that I can take care of the kids. She has abandoned the kids with me against her court order. She burned all her bridges here in Oregon so my only though is she went back to Ohio of will be heading to Texas. Hey congrats dude. Just keep your head down and keep doing what you're doing.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 20:35
|
|
|
Make sure you get this all properly documented and go back to court and properly get custody of the kids.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 20:59
|
|
|
Masonity posted:Make sure you get this all properly documented and go back to court and properly get custody of the kids. This. Get your lawyer on the line with the judge immediately, before she changes her mind and comes back spouting something about kidnapping.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 21:58
|
|
|
Liquid Communism posted:This. Get your lawyer on the line with the judge immediately, before she changes her mind and comes back spouting something about kidnapping. I have already started this process. Her family is 100% on my side of this now, they spent 4 months with her and know what she is, they will go to court on my behalf.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 23:10
|
|
|
Good on you.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 23:15
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:I have already started this process. This is the same family where the step dad is a lawyer, right? cool
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 23:17
|
|
|
Error 404 posted:This is the same family where the step dad is a lawyer, right? Correct. Lawyer dad, he has been super frustrated lately and now I know why. She was looking after their dogs for a week and now they have a $6000 vet bill from injuries my wife can't or wont explain.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 23:27
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:Correct. Lawyer dad, he has been super frustrated lately and now I know why. She was looking after their dogs for a week and now they have a $6000 vet bill from injuries my wife can't or wont explain. Holy poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Aug 15, 2015 23:30
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:I have already started this process. I am very, very glad to hear this. Thank you for looking out for your kids first and foremost.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 01:12
|
|
|
I feel so awful for your kids. That kind of instability can be so damaging. I'm really relieved you have them, though. Keep up with the lawyering. The best thing that woman can do is gently caress off permanently.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 02:34
|
|
|
CravingSolace posted:I feel so awful for your kids. That kind of instability can be so damaging. I'm really relieved you have them, though. Keep up with the lawyering. The best thing that woman can do is gently caress off permanently. They are super excited to be with me, and we are having a good time, this is a lot of poo poo though, I have to figure out school and stuff and they start in a couple weeks....
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 02:42
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:They are super excited to be with me, and we are having a good time, this is a lot of poo poo though, I have to figure out school and stuff and they start in a couple weeks.... Good job staying strong. But what she do to the dogge
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 03:00
|
|
|
Darth123123 posted:Good job staying strong. But what she do to the dogge They don't know, it was something with some ligamates? I am not 100% sure what happened.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 03:26
|
|
|
It's great that things are turning your way, but holy poo poo it's sad how nuts your ex is becoming. Has her family considered sending her to like a psychiatric ward or anything?
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 04:30
|
|
|
I just spoke with her family, They want me to go to 100% custody and her own mother thinks she shouldn't be allowed to be a care giver for her children. If she leaves Oregon she might never come back and that is scary to me. To think that she might actually give up her kids because she is to much of a child. I have already contacted the police they are good with the kids staying with me since I have no place to drop them off at. tomorrow I will contact the court to get a hearing setup ASAP for child custody.
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 20:37
|
|
|
She has to have some sort of mental issue. I can't imagine a parent just up and abandoning their children for no reason. And possibly abusing an animal. Regardless, you're doing everything right. My heart absolutely breaks for those kids, though. 
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2015 21:31
|
|
|
that troll-rear end wife, drat... at least she hosed off and doesn't currently have any dependants to abuse
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 06:10
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:I just spoke with her family, They want me to go to 100% custody and her own mother thinks she shouldn't be allowed to be a care giver for her children. If she leaves Oregon she might never come back and that is scary to me. To think that she might actually give up her kids because she is to much of a child. Maybe get that poo poo in writing if you can. I'm sure that'd have a lot of sway with the court. Good luck on your sudden reversal of fortune, man.
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 07:38
|
|
|
I was just taking a shower and thinking about everything, and for a while I questioned everything that is happening as some sort of plot against me and it dawned on me that she has taken my ability to trust other people from me, here these people are looking out for the best interested of my kids, and I am second guessing their actions like they are setting me up for prison. I have always been able to trust people and for better or worse I liked that about me and now I see shadows everywhere. On top of everything shes done to my kids and me. I start the battle for custody in a few hours starting with a call to the courthouse to schedule a hearing. My best hope is that she is out of state and misses the court date and also misses her lawyer payment and has no one there to represent her. I hope that happens.
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 10:50
|
|
|
For the sake of the kids I hope she stays away permanently. However, she may not have necessarily broken your ability to trust people. Her parents took her side and participated in nearly stripping you of your ability to see your children. You have every reason to be distrustful. And I think you may be in survival-mode, too. This means being unsure of anything. Give it time.
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 11:40
|
|
|
You've lost your innocence but now you're wiser. Trust will come back with time and maybe all that has changed is that you will be a little more cautious about who you trust. That isn't necessarily a bad thing - hopefully there won't be a next time, but if there is, you are likely to see the warning signs a lot sooner. You're going to be better able to protect yourself and your kids and you will come out of this whole thing stronger.
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 12:18
|
|
|
From all outward appearances you're handling a very tough situation like a badass. Just keep doing what you're doing. Good luck with the hearing.
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 13:43
|
|
|
I just marathoned this thread like a Netflix binge, and holy crap am I glad I didn't pick it up till now. There were some really tense cliffhangers a while ago that would've driven me crazy. While it's obviously still not a good situation, I'm really happy things have taken a turn for the better. OP, like Bill said, you're doing awesome. Despite some peoples claims otherwise at certain points, you've been far more reasonable and emotionally in control than anyone could expect of someone in your situation. You're ability to stay calm and focused, adapt to your new life, and make good decisions for your kids is really impressive and admirable. It sucks for a kid to lose their mom, but it's not insurmountable, and I think if you keep on as you have been, they'll turn out just fine. Godspeed OP
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 19:05
|
|
|
Yeah, so as I said before she isn't scheming against you, she is a literal child who can't handle problems like an adult. She is making really bad decisions and doing impulsive things like cutting and running and possibly abusing those dogs. All of her terrible life decisions are just such and instead of dealing with them she doubles down and withdraws from the anxiety and conflict just making things worse. She is probably bipolar and in a manic phase.
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2015 22:51
|
|
|
Slow Motion posted:As a man two years out of divorce and having recently unraveled some of my ex-wife's lies I have some suggestions about this, informed by my own experience. Thank you for coming out of your scorpion mural hermitage to share this and only this.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2015 19:00
|
|
|
Man, you sounded a bit like a creep early on but this just veered into holy poo poo what the hell is happening territory within a few updates. Sad to hear that your wife not only ditched your kids and ran away but also harmed her family's dog and abandoned responsibility for it. Kudos on getting the police involved too. Make sure you shield your kids from this as much as possible until it's over and you can sit them down and explain it fully. They're probably old enough to realize mom left, but you don't need to have them blaming themselves for being abandoned. Is there a way you can get her family to help you house them and keep them in a stable situation for the next while? They've already been moved to a new state, but also between you and her parents place. Can't imagine the kind of disruption they're experiencing.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2015 19:28
|
|
|
Horrible Smutbeast posted:Man, you sounded a bit like a creep early on but this just veered into holy poo poo what the hell is happening territory within a few updates. Sad to hear that your wife not only ditched your kids and ran away but also harmed her family's dog and abandoned responsibility for it. Kudos on getting the police involved too. Her family are now being very co-operative to me. they are helping me with whatever i need right now and want the best for the kids. they are active in the kid's lives. We are doing our best to make the impact on the kids as little as possible but they are being affected and it's obvious to anyone who meets them. I am working with my therapist and her colleague who works with their age group to get them into therapy as soon as possible.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2015 22:53
|
|
|
drat imagine if the OP had listened to any of the advice in this thread, he would be so much worse off.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2015 02:53
|
|
|
a creepy colon posted:drat imagine if the OP had listened to any of the advice in this thread, he would be so much worse off. Yeah he might have *gasp* talked to a lawyer. Oh wait.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2015 03:07
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:I have already started this process. It's the saddest thing having one of your parents go AWOL.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2015 04:38
|
|
|
r00tn00b posted:Correct. Lawyer dad, he has been super frustrated lately and now I know why. She was looking after their dogs for a week and now they have a $6000 vet bill from injuries my wife can't or wont explain.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2015 04:42
|
|
|
With this sudden 180 in the situation, I'm pretty sure this is an owl creek bridge style twist, where everything's turning out for the better, but what really happened was OP's wife showed up on his street, then called the cops claiming he was harassing her, and the cops are currently taxing his nuts off while his mind created all of this as a dying vision.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2015 09:43
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 14:05 |
|
|
kizudarake posted:With this sudden 180 in the situation, I'm pretty sure this is an owl creek bridge style twist, where everything's turning out for the better, but what really happened was OP's wife showed up on his street, then called the cops claiming he was harassing her, and the cops are currently taxing his nuts off while his mind created all of this as a dying vision. Am I posting.....From the grave?
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2015 09:44
|
|