A sensitive topic indeed posted:

Dear Prudence,

My older, late-20s brother is a good-looking, athletic man who’s good with the ladies and professionally successful, which has allowed him to develop a bro-ish cocky attitude over the years. He is also an adrenaline junkie, and about a year and a half ago he suffered a serious mountain biking accident that led to losing a testicle and affected his ability to sustain an erection for a few months. Even though he healed up just fine with no impact to his testosterone level or his ability to reproduce, he has become significantly more insecure and aggressively jealous of me because, I believe, he sees me, his younger brother whom he grew up teasing, as now being more of a man than he is.

At first the jealousy remained verbal when he would make snide remarks about my ability to satisfy my girlfriend. But recently, he’s adopted the practice of hitting me in the nuts by surprise whenever we’re together and then saying things like how I should be able to take it if I were a real man. It’s become so frequent that I physically stay away from my brother when we’re in the same space. I don’t want to be in pain, literally, every time I hang out with my brother but how do I tell him to stop without making him feel upset and depressed about what happened to him? It’s a sensitive topic for everyone in the family but I seem to be getting the brunt of his anger. Help!

—Punching Bag

Ratjaculation posted:

Does this thread get into anyone elses head?

I was at the apple store because my cable is flayed and the guy there wanted £65(!!) for a new one. I asked about the EU 6-year warranty, he spoke to his boss and gave me a cable for free. A small victory, but I kept thinking how no-one clapped and I didn't get married

Tetracube posted:

Holy poo poo, OP's posts are a treasure trove of stdh http://imgur.com/user/AskmeaboutmystoriesornotIamausernamenotacop/submitted

e: beaten by edit

Tetracube posted:

Holy poo poo, OP's posts are a treasure trove of stdh http://imgur.com/user/AskmeaboutmystoriesornotIamausernamenotacop/submitted

e: beaten by edit

NotAlwaysRight posted:

(The owner at my former place of work does a lot of shady things. Long story short, I called him out after being personally injured by one of his ‘tactics,’ and now he’s treating all of his employees with extreme “caution,” or what we would call intimidation. This was retold to me by a manager there.)

Owner: “[Manager], I need you to sign this contract. It says you’re responsible for 50% of costs if anything in the store stops working. It also says here that if you quit or I fire you, you cannot work for any competition in town for the next five years. If you don’t sign this contract right now in front of me, you’re fired.”

goose fleet posted:

I could proooooobably see it if they were very close friends or something, but that's way too much money to give to a loving stranger

goose fleet posted:

I could proooooobably see it if they were very close friends or something, but that's way too much money to give to a loving stranger

goose fleet posted:

EZipperelli posted:

I wish I would have thought of this when I was bartending. loving genius.

PUGGERNAUT posted:

Sure is convenient that all of these replies restate the wacky things in the original letters.

My Lovely Horse posted:

I could just about see someone being amused enough by a silly application to knock out a silly reply in five minutes. But probably not Mary Curnock Cook OBE or anyone with the power to attach her signature. Also you'd have to be new and would probably be told not to do it again, because they must get hundreds of applications that are somehow unsuitable.

Barbie Letter posted:

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078


Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

• The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
  
• The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
  
• The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
  
  • The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
    
  • Clams don't have teeth.
    

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities

axolotl farmer posted:

imgur gallery about street scams

flosofl posted:

They're all fake and trace their lineage back to start of the public internet. Here's one I've always loved from 1994.

axolotl farmer posted:

I have actually worked in a natural history museum, and here's what the actual reply would look like:

Dear Chuckles McFunnyguy,

The item you have found is not an antique. It is a dolls head of recent manufacture.

Sincerely,
A Farmer
Assistant curator

flosofl posted:

They're all fake and trace their lineage back to start of the public internet. Here's one I've always loved from 1994.

Domus posted:

They go even farther back. I know I've seen some in the books of Alan Dundes, which log and analyze "xerox lore". Before the internet, people still had the same want to pass on that stupid e-mail. It just wasn't e-mail. Someone gave you a funny on a piece of paper, and you had to pass visual jokes on by copying them on the copy machine, and then handing a copy to a friend. How far we've come.

Jonathan Yeah! posted:

Jonathan Yeah! posted:

Jonathan Yeah! posted:

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

speaking of huge-rear end loving boobs check out this article about how hard and terrible it is to be pretty

http://www.xojane.com/issues/being-pretty-sucks

Cross-posted from the AUG thread, thanks coronatae

kimbo305 posted:

"Dating is hell. Granted, it can be hell for anyone, but I'm a hair away from giving it up entirely. I've already sworn off internet dating because too many men have gotten angry when I have declined to date them. One guy messaged me while I was at work, then cursed me out for not responding quickly enough."

If you are below a 8.5 on the objective hotness scale, men will simply not do this to you. Fact.

PUGGERNAUT posted:

More like a 2.5. Guys on dating sites can be very emotional.

quote:

Report Card Versus The Race Card
MIDDLE SCHOOL | CO, USA | BAD BEHAVIOR, PARENTS, PHYSICAL
(My mother is the Dean of Students in my school. At the end of the day, my mom asks for me to load up the car so we can go home. Half-way there, I remember that I forgot my trumpet. Knowing it would be easier to grab it while I can, I put down my stuff in the grass out of the other students’ way. My stuff includes my backpack filled with books, my mom’s computer, and some important papers my mom has to do at home among many other things. When I come back, I catch a PARENT KICKING AND THROWING some of my stuff around. I am Caucasian, and this parent is Hispanic.)

Me: “Hey, hey, hey! Ma’am, what are you DOING!?”

Parent: “THAT’S FOR SUSPENDING MY SON, YOU SON OF A B****! HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!”

Me: “I’m sorry that your son got suspended, ma’am, but first of all, throwing around my things and my mother’s things is COMPLETELY uncalled for. Second of all, please go speak with my mother if you need something.”

Parent: “BUT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SUSPENDED HIM, YOU C***! YOU F*****G SENT HIM HOME FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!”

(At this point, I realize this woman thinks I’m my mother. But before I can tell her I’m not, the principal comes over to see what’s wrong.)

Principal: “What’s happening over here?”

Parent: “YOUR STAFF IS RACIST AND DISRESPECTFUL AND NOTHING BUT A SAD LUMP OF S***! YOU’RE ALL NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF RACIST WHITE D***HEADS!”

Principal: “Ma’am, you’re the mother of [Name], right?”

Parent: “F*** YEAH, I AM!”

Principal: “We suspended your son for a reason. He sold cigarettes on school premises, started a fist-fight, and then proceeded to ditch class to go to a skate-park. Now, I know you feel angry towards us, but suspending him for two weeks was much better than sending him to the police station to be arrested for assault and drug-possession. If anything, I should be calling the police right now because you have damaged my coworker’s and her daughter’s things, as well as done nothing but yelled profanity in front of children for the past five minutes.”

Parent: *sputtering angrily* “YOU… YOU… RACIST… C***!”

Principal: “Ma’am, take a look around you. Over 85% of our student population is Hispanic, just like you. If we were racist c***s like you say, then we could have chosen dozens of other schools to work at instead of this one. If we were racist, I would be screaming back at you. But I’m not. Please leave the school premises.”

(The parent continued to scream more profanities in Spanish as she ran back to her car, managing to kick my stuff one more time before she got in her car and spes off, almost hitting a passing student.)

Khazar-khum posted:

I always leave my stuff on the lawn. And where's Mom in all of this?