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dasmause posted:Beats loving Imperium, which is literally the only other option They cut off your balls
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Aug 18, 2015 21:59
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dasmause posted:Beats loving Imperium, which is literally the only other option I can think of 2 reasons from the top of my head. The imperial fleet and Eversor assassins. Tau can't do jackshit against the imperiums space navy and any governor who goes full treason isn't going to live long. Also Chaos is always a 3rd option.
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Aug 18, 2015 21:59
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Onmi posted:They cut off your balls  drat it!Now why'd they do that! Iretep posted:Also Chaos is always a 3rd option. Kind of a lovely option. Well, unless you join Nurgle's side, that's somewhat chill, I guess. Or Khorne, if you're into that
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Aug 18, 2015 22:04
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Onmi posted:They cut off your balls  Lies! Baseless accusations! Sure, sure, I may have said something along the lines of "sterilize all captives" a while back, but I didn't actually act on it, did I? It was a prank! A harmless prank! I was riding the adrenaline high of combat. Anyone is apt to say something they regret while that worked up. No really, we need you Gue'vesa be able to reproduce so that your children can become meat-shields for our Fire Warriors.
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Aug 18, 2015 22:13
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dasmause posted:Kind of a lovely option. Well, unless you join Nurgle's side, that's somewhat chill, I guess. Or Khorne, if you're into that
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Aug 18, 2015 22:16
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dasmause posted:
Here's your options: The Imperium of Man: The worst most oppressive regime in Human history. You are one among untold billions. From the moment you are born until your long vacant servitor converted body fails you exist to serve. As labor. On the firing line. In bed. As spare parts. As food. (Corpse-starch rations, look it up.) Do your duty, and the Emperor will guard your soul. Fail, and you risk the souls of everyone around you. Tau: Hope you didn't want children. Or grandchildren. Or your people to survive this generation. Slow genocide. Tau are space nazis. Eldar: Your alliance is part of a stupidly overcomplicated gambit that exists to save the life of one randim Eldar at some point. Saving his life will come at the cost of your planet. Die horribly. Dark Eldar: Like the Eldar, but they just kill you right away. Tyranids: Give birth to a five armed monster. Be recycled last when the Hive Fleet arrives. Consider this the greatest honor. Chaos! Khorne: Murder everyone you ever cared about, get shot by Imperial Guard/Space Marines. Khorne tortures you forever in the Warp. Slannesh: Overdose on cocaine while raping a puppy to death. Slannesh tortures you forever in the Warp. Nurgle: Infect everyone you know with terrible plagues, die a horrible, gruesome, slow death that you think is the best thing ever. Nurgle is actually kinda chill, so enjpy being sick in the Warp for the rest of eternity, I guess. Tzentch: Do inscrutable poo poo even you don't understand, die when your whole scheme turns out to have been specifically devised to ruin you. Tzentch tortures you forever in the Warp.
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Aug 18, 2015 22:51
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Blind Sally posted:I spent a chunk of last night scouring the internet for Warhammer 40k memes. There are a lot of them and they are pretty funny! You must've found a better site than I did.
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Aug 18, 2015 22:55
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Blind Sally posted:There is also a tonne of weird hypersexualized stuff and I hate it. There is a LOT of Tau Fire Warriors in bikinis. GW deserves some of this blame too. Take Sisters Repentia: Space nuns that charge the enemy clothed in basically nothing but tassels made of prayer slips. They cannot be given clothes because they need to repent for their sins see, goes the official reasoning.
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Aug 18, 2015 23:12
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RickVoid posted:Tyranids: Give birth to a five armed monster. Be recycled last when the Hive Fleet arrives. Consider this the greatest honor. Wasn't there a thing about Genestealer cults being afraid of re-absorption into the hive fleet, in order to drive them into fleeing the planet with the regular humans and spreading the infection?
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Aug 18, 2015 23:15
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RickVoid posted:Here's your options: To be quite frank, if you are a completely normal person in the Imperium, you can lead a completely normal life running a grocery store, and if you're lucky you'll never be killed by Orks, Chaos, etc. The thing is, it's not really untold billions so much as untold trillions. The scale of the imperium is legitimately very hard to comprehend, so even while it looks like you're a worker for life, born into a life of servitude to the war machine, there are more humans than the billions we see giving their lives for the cause.
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Aug 19, 2015 00:09
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Onmi posted:To be quite frank, if you are a completely normal person in the Imperium, you can lead a completely normal life running a grocery store, and if you're lucky you'll never be killed by Orks, Chaos, etc. Basically, the further towards the Eye of Terror or the outer rims of the galaxy you get, the more likely There Is Only War and you're going to die at the age of 15 in some futile meatgrinder after you got conscripted early because the planetary government had to meet the Guard's tithe quota. The closer to Terra you get the more it's basically just regular life except everyone's really, really, religious and thinks cars work because a robot ghost makes their parts clank to life when you appease it with The Holy Ritual of Ignition.
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Aug 19, 2015 01:00
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Heaven Spacey posted:Basically, the further towards the Eye of Terror or the outer rims of the galaxy you get, the more likely There Is Only War and you're going to die at the age of 15 in some futile meatgrinder after you got conscripted early because the planetary government had to meet the Guard's tithe quota. The closer to Terra you get the more it's basically just regular life except everyone's really, really, religious and thinks cars work because a robot ghost makes their parts clank to life when you appease it with The Holy Ritual of Ignition. It's half the problem really, a lot of worlds get complacent and only have its PDF to defend itself, and the PDF are bigger redshirts than the Imperial Guard. So for most worlds they're just casually going about daily life and the Orks or Tyranids or Chaos shows up. The thing, of course, is that it's not interesting to write about a farmer on some agriculture world where nothing happens.
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Aug 19, 2015 01:05
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 How do you think Shas'o is faring in the Peaks? Hold on, I'll see if I can raise one of his Bodyguard teams--Fire Warrior Bodyguards posted:
... ...
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Aug 19, 2015 01:17
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Probably too late to say this, but your Relic unit is specifically designed to kill other Relic units in a 1v1 and that's what you should be using them for.  Cool screenshot, though.
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Aug 19, 2015 01:20
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Is that a second squiggoth in the background?
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Aug 19, 2015 01:35
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Blind Sally posted:
Excellent. Carry on dying, greyskins.
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Aug 19, 2015 01:40
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Image21 posted:Is that a second squiggoth in the background? Ork Listening Post
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Aug 19, 2015 01:44
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Blind Sally posted:I spent a chunk of last night scouring the internet for Warhammer 40k memes. There are a lot of them and they are pretty funny! There is also a tonne of weird hypersexualized stuff and I hate it. There is a LOT of Tau Fire Warriors in bikinis. Did you find about how Love can Bloom on the battlefield? If yes that bit of fan-fiction is based on this game. So here's the great one about the Eldar and Humans, much like half-elves exist in other universes there is really old lore about half-Eldar that never got retconned and so is still technically canon. Of course for the Eldar this would be akin to mating with a chimpanzee, and Eldar to a human look very sickly because they're super skinny with nearly no body fat and have weirdly elongated limbs and necks. Also most of the hypersexualised stuff is kind of tongue in cheek and based a bit on Slaanesh being a thing that exists. Onmi posted:They cut off your balls The whole you not having children thing isn't generally true, some human colonies are sterilized humanely but more often than not the Tau are perfectly fine with humans having more humans as long as it's done in a sensible matter with the blessing of your local ethereal and you raise them to be perfect little members of the empire. Also when they do sterilize you it's by a small injection that either stops the production of eggs or sperm, it's painless and has no effect on your ability to do the act. Theantero posted:Take Sisters Repentia: Space nuns that charge the enemy clothed in basically nothing but tassels made of prayer slips. They cannot be given clothes because they need to repent for their sins see, goes the official reasoning. Context for the Sisters Repentia, and the Adeptus Sororitas or Sisters of Battle in general. Part of becoming a Sister of Battle is a metaphorical marriage to the Emperor himself. Sisters Repentia have sinned in the eyes of the Ecclesiarchy and thus are no longer worth of this 'marriage' and must therefore atone in the aforementioned way.
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Aug 19, 2015 01:48
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Lord_Magmar posted:Did you find about how Love can Bloom on the battlefield? If yes that bit of fan-fiction is based on this game. So here's the great one about the Eldar and Humans, much like half-elves exist in other universes there is really old lore about half-Eldar that never got retconned and so is still technically canon. Of course for the Eldar this would be akin to mating with a chimpanzee, and Eldar to a human look very sickly because they're super skinny with nearly no body fat and have weirdly elongated limbs and necks. Also most of the hypersexualised stuff is kind of tongue in cheek and based a bit on Slaanesh being a thing that exists.  Why dude. Why do you invest so much into the sexual details of warhams.
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Aug 19, 2015 02:06
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Just so I'm clear... he's the one on the left, yeah?
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Aug 19, 2015 03:25
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my dad posted:Hyperion Peaks won't get any easier to take. Might as well strike before the Orcs can fortify themselves there too much. Night10194 posted:Speaking of logistically insane quagmires, we should attack the Hyperion Peaks Godna posted:Hyperion peaks because the ability to create a forward base means that if you take things patiently and don't mind defending more often. You can have the resources to guarentee your attacks go off without a hitch! To the Peaks! Ready the tank commanders and the the Kroot Shapers. We need to strike hard and fast, before the Orkz have a chance to reinforce.   A pair of Hammerheads and Sky Rays, three Greater Gnarlocs, a few Krootox and Broadsides, and several contingents of Kroot Warriors. It still may not be enough. All we need to do is destroy all the Ork buildings in the area and we have a victory. There are only 53 of them. Shas'o, we have scouted the area. The Orkz have three bases within the lowest part of this valley. The terrain is as so: There are three routes into the canyon on either side. A third entrance is at the far-side, but I don't recommend it. I have marked the three bases with an "X": Move for the south-western entrance. We'll take out the southern-most base and advance from there.  Affirmative. Set a course! Shoot down Waaagh! Banners along the route.  Dere dey are! Get'im! They're coming out to meet us. Push the Gnarlocs through! Get to the southern base. Destroy their means of production, we need to have a chokepoint we can control! Go! Go! Orkz! Orkz! Orkz! Orkz! We have your rear covered. By the Ethereals, that is a lot of Orkz. Shas'o, the Gnarloc's are in the southern base--but, we're facing FAR more resistance than we expected! Have the Carnivores hold back the Ork infantry, we can't let them overwhelm the Knarlocs! Heh heh heh, yer bunch o'grey-skin gitz! We-we can't stop them, Shas'o! They've broken through! The Knarlocs are down! Pull the Hammerheads back, get them out of enemy range!  Abandon the strategic points, we need to help cover their retreat.  They are overwhelming our defensive positions! Youse grey-skinz are a buncha grotz! S-so this is what they mean by a "green wave". Shas'o, the Orkz have constructed new buildings! Now is not the time! Fire Warriors, fall back. We may have lost our tank column, but we can still fight a guerrilla conflict. Good news, Shas'o! We managed to save some of our tanks! (Lost all of our foot soldiers and our Earth Caste Builder for repairs), but hey, we can still perform hit-and-run strikes on peripheral enemy fortifications. Good. I'm going to knock down this base on my own. Fire Warriors, provide cover from the ridge. Shas'o! Heh, thanks to the Pathfinders, we can strike at the base directly. We exist to serve the Greater Good!  Oi! Who be shootin' at me bases? It'z da grey-skins, Boss Toe Choppa, Deyz tryoin' ta fight dere way in! Huh. Gorgutz'll 'av our 'eads if we'ze let'em in. Gather up da boyz un letz get ridduv'em. Shas'o, we have a problem! The Orkz have Looted some Space Marine Leman Russ tanks. They're bombarding us with artillery. We-- *comlink goes dead* The Orkz have found us! They found us! Watch out! Fire Warriors, status report! W-we're alright! Well, the Pathfinders have been sliced into tiny pieces by that Killa Kan, but they didn't spot us. Idiot, Orkz. Keep firing on the base. The southern base is gone. I'll keep up the attack at the eastern base. Join me if you can find a way through the Ork lines. Heavily armed and armoued Ork siege walkers, these are Killa Kans. They have some basic ranged weapons, but it's their melee that really causes trouble. They're slow, which is good, but they absorb most Tau guns, which is not so good. Broadside guns or a Hammerheads can outgun them, otherwise it's good to have a couple Krootox around to crush them, or a fully upgraded Stealthsuit Squad around to disable them. This here is a Mad Dok. Not particularly strong. They are a medic unit, and increase the healing of all nearby Orkz. They have an injection ability that allows Orkz to keep fighting even when their bodies are physically dead. The Orkz do, in fact, die when the serum wears off, but until then they get to continue attacking. Mega Armour Nobz. Elite heavy infantry. Can dish out lots of pain and take it back in kind. They're slow, but they can temporarily mitigate the speed problems due to their electronic power suits. Fortunately, using it also damages them because Ork tech is worthless trash. These are Gretchins, or Grotz. They're the Ork builder units. Fragile, and with very limited offensive abilities, they're also very quick and can infiltrate with enough research. They're also some of the fastest construction units in the Dark Crusade. Extremely annoying. Plus, they reinforce in large squads, allowing them to act as great distractions, or even throw off enemies attacking them. All of those units got in my way, and I destroyed them all. I am now approaching the eastern base. Fire Warriors, how do you fare? Have you found a route through the Ork lines? Can you reach my side? Fire Warriors? Ahhhh! Ethereals save us! Ethereals save us! Ethereals save uuuuuuuusssss! *sigh* It looks like I'm on my own. Shas'o, we made it! Well, half of us did. All the other Bodyguards are squished beneath the Squiggoth's feet--or blown up by Leman Russ artillery. At this point, we oughta just call it a day. The gretchins can repair buildings faster than I can repair them. Fall back. We can at least save on some requisitions if some of the Honour Guard survives this. Yes, Shas'o, returning to base.  Welcome back, Shas'o. Sorry to hear about the battle. Literally, we were listening in over the comms. The screams of those Fire Warriors as they were eaten by the Squiggoth will haunt me till the end of my days. Did anything else happen while I was gone? The Imperial Guard tried to retake their territory from the Necron. It didn't go so well. Pathetic. Shas'o, it's Farseer Taldeer: she's making another probe into our territory. Let's hear the reports. Sounds like she caused some destruction at one of our Listening Posts. Petty vandalism in the scheme of things. Kroot are engaging her as we speak. The main forces are already pouring into her bases. Uh, and that's it. They're down. Already? Ha, how the might Eldar have fallen.  Shas'o, this might interest you: Davian Thule has used the space port to lead his Space Marines into the Ariel Highlands. What? The fool! Ha, it rhymes. Davian Thule is a useless fool. Heh heh. He's crushed the Ork forces there. Reports say Gorgutz found some path through our camp and is back on the Green Coast. Ugh, that means he's no longer contained! Shas'o, you have an incoming call. Who is it-- Patching it through. Wait! This is Blood Ravens' Brother-Captain Davian Thule. Am I speaking to the filthy xeno that claims to run this poo poo-hole of a planet? Oh, it's you. What do you want, Thule? I just wanted to let you know that I ruined your little plans! Thought you were smart, yes? Contain the Eldar and the Orkz, yes? Ha, well now Gorgutz is out again and he'll be assailing your flank! Ah, yes, real good of you, Thule. Clever. Maybe you'll think again before you defy the will of the Emperor. I'm sorry, Thule, what did you say? I said, "frig off, xeno!" I, I didn't say that. That wasn't me! "Frig off"? Why, Captain, why don't you join the Greater Good instead? The Greater Good? Well, gosh, Mr. O'Kais, that sounds pretty good to me! What? No, it doesn't! Stop that! Heh heh. Certainly, Captain. We'd be happy for you and your friends to join the Greater Good! That'd be friggin' awesome! This is--this is-- Haha, what a rube. What a maroon! Do you mind if I bring my pet Servo Skull? I demand you cease this idiocy at once! How are you doing this? Why of course, Captain, bring your Servo Skull. All are welcome to serve the Greater Good. THIS. IS. HERESY. YOU SHALL DIE! YOU SHALL BURN! I SHALL PERSONALLY PUR-- *click* What a tool. What else is going on? Chaos forces have finally began mobilizing. They've taken an isolated island away from the Imperial Guard. I almost feel bad for the Guard. As for us, Shas'o, we're right back where we left off. Only Davian Thule is on our eastern flank and Gorgutz is out to the west. Listen up, War Council. Let me level with you: the Ork Warboss in the Hyperion Peaks was an idiot. Yeah, their forces were massive and melted through our armour, true enough. But they don't know how to coordinate a defense against a small group of infiltrated soldiers. I can single-handedly eliminate all of those Ork buildings and take the location. However, I can't do it if my offensive Wargear can be outmatched by some Gretchins doing repairs. My defenses are solid, but I'm going to at least need the Missile Pod upgrade. So lets attack a few other locations first, gather some more Wargear, and then head back to the peaks. Uh, sure thing, Shas'o. Right. So what's our next move?
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Aug 19, 2015 03:32
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Hmm... The Necrons are not keeping an eye on their back door, so we might as well attack them. If we're lucky, Thule will stay where he is and taking the spaceport will be relatively easy.
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Aug 19, 2015 03:40
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Seconding the recommendation for an attack on the necrons. I think they are the only neighbors we have not yet attacked.
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Aug 19, 2015 04:44
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Lord_Magmar posted:there is really old lore about half-Eldar that never got retconned and so is still technically canon. You're thinking of Illiyan Nastase, a rogue trader-era ultramarine chief librarian who was a confirmed half-elf. I would say this is a solid instance of retcon since rogue trader era stuff was really different (space marines were just buff space cops back then for example) and Nastase has since been replaced by Tigurius. I think there are still a few characters rumored to have a drop of xenos blood in their veins still around but there's nobody like Illiyan anymore.
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Aug 19, 2015 05:07
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Klaus88 posted:
I don't, I just happen to remember that in first edition there were half Eldar in the Ultramarines and also I sometimes hit random page on 1d4chan which does in fact have a page on Love can Bloom and of course being a wiki about a part of 4chan has a lot of other really weird stuff that shows up. Thus I have a bunch of information I really wish I didn't about these sorts of things. Although both the chimpanzee and sickly thing are in the Eldar codex or at least suggested, the Eldar word for humans, Mon'Keigh, literally means bestial ones or something similar and Eldar are described as having no fat whatsoever and being close enough to humans to be described as attractive but far enough away that they're also disturbing, think uncanny valley effect. Also as mentioned it's party Games Workshops fault because Slaanesh and his/her/it's various demons are often described in disturbing detail, some of which then carries over to the other races. hard counter posted:You're thinking of Illiyan Nastase, a rogue trader-era ultramarine chief librarian who was a confirmed half-elf. I would say this is a solid instance of retcon since rogue trader era stuff was really different (space marines were just buff space cops back then for example) and Nastase has since been replaced by Tigurius. I think there are still a few characters rumored to have a drop of xenos blood in their veins still around but there's nobody like Illiyan anymore. Yeah most of the stuff from Rogue Trader is retconned I just was pointing out that at one point they did exist in lore and there is no current stuff that says that they don't so some of the weirder parts of the WH40k community like to discuss this sort of thing.
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Aug 19, 2015 05:54
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I always liked Dark Crusade the most out the expansions, though it was fun playing as the Sisters in Soulstorm.
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Aug 19, 2015 06:22
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I like your avatar!
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Aug 19, 2015 06:42
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 Creed is the best 40k meme and I will hear no other lies.
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Aug 19, 2015 06:49
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Blind Sally posted:I like your avatar! For the Greater Good.
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Aug 19, 2015 07:46
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rizzen posted:For the Greater Good. The Greater Good.
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Aug 19, 2015 07:48
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Onmi posted:
Eldrad being a dick and Kharn being a pretty nice guy good ones too, but Creed is definitely amazing. Bloody Magpies, Commissar John Fuklaw, and the Angry Marines are ones I like as well. Blind Sally posted:
GhostStalker fucked around with this message at 19:40 on Aug 19, 2015 |
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Aug 19, 2015 07:58
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Necrons.
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Aug 19, 2015 08:51
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Shas'O Kais, is it true that you served the will mighty Khorne himself while acting as a Fire Warrior?
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Aug 19, 2015 09:02
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chiasaur11 posted:Just so I'm clear...  Also the way I handle Hyperion Peaks is let some other faction take over it. With Orks in it it's way harder since all the buildings shoot at you. With necrons or Tau its stupidly easy from what I remember. Iretep fucked around with this message at 11:16 on Aug 19, 2015 |
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Aug 19, 2015 11:04
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 Ah, commissar. Thank you for joining us. The pleasure is mine, Governor. How goes our latest assault on Hyperion Peaks? Very well, in fact. We finally managed to break through the Ork's defenses. Our Baneblades are mopping them up as we speak. Excellent! With the production capabilities of those mines our offensive campaign is sure to gain a considerable boon. Indeed. I've heard that the filthy Tau are stepping up their propaganda campaigns. That is correct. Could you believe those blue-skinned monstrosities actually have the gall to claim they are winning this conflict? Ha! They wish. They've been holed up in their little capital ever since the Blood Ravens beat them. Quite. What is our next move? Comissar, I think it's time we show those xenos who are the true masters of Kronus. Sergeant! Sir! Prepare the men for march. We begin our advance on the Tau capital immediately. Yes sir!
HerraS fucked around with this message at 11:21 on Aug 19, 2015 |
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Aug 19, 2015 11:17
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GhostStalker posted:Eldrad being a dick and Kharn being a pretty nice guy good ones too, but Creed is definitely amazing. Bloody Magpies, Commissar John Fuklaw, and the Angry Marines are ones I like as well. TERRANIS HOLDS! Seriously, /tg/'s interpretation of the Death Korps as militant Buddhists is the best thing they've ever done, and I hold Love and Krieg should be as canon as any work by Abnett and ADB  Iretep posted:Also the way I handle Hyperion Peaks is let some other faction take over it. With Orks in it it's way harder since all the buildings shoot at you. With necrons or Tau its stupidly easy from what I remember.  Battle-brother! I prefer the 'Crons taking over since you don't have to deal with the Tau's range, and because their Lord resurrects where he fell, instead of at his base surrounded by turrets and poo poo.
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Aug 19, 2015 11:19
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Anyone else weirded out that Force commander Vanilla Ice is talking to the Tau commander even though he's supposed to at best be a sergeant at this point in another mission somewhere? Also hes mute. Did chaos do this?
Iretep fucked around with this message at 12:40 on Aug 19, 2015 |
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Aug 19, 2015 11:37
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RickVoid posted:
Dis ere is just fla' out lies. Any 'umies oo don't fite get brought inta da gorius Orky waagh where dey be treated good as anny ova grot. Aint nuffin wot sez dey can't join da boyz fitin gitz if dey work ard enuff at it. Course dey'd afta show dey'z kan beat up onna da boyz first. Dey just ain't az sturdy az grotz afta a few dayz iz all.
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Aug 19, 2015 11:51
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CommissarMega posted:TERRANIS HOLDS! Yeah, that one is pretty good as well. LowellDND's Dark Heresy/Rogue Trader/Ascension CYOA in The Game Room had our Tech Priest turned Magos/Inquisitor/Rogue Trader pick up a huge Krieg army as part of our retinue, complete with our now Living Saint Husbando, a Commisar-General of the Krieg, and his depiction of them is heavily influenced by Love and Krieg. It's amazing, you should check it out if you haven't already. He's also incorporated the All Guardsman Party in one of the later Interlude segments, so there's more /tg/ fanon scattered amongst his CYOA. Have you read Tales of the Emprahsque, where the God-Emperor is reincarnated into the body of a daemon of Khorne (in the form of a Tarrasque of D&D fame, after summoning it and beating it up) on the eve of the 13th Black Crusade? It's hilarious, and further proof that /tg/ gets poo poo done (or at least used to). Also references Love Can Bloom, which is the thing that set off the whole /tg/ 40k writing boom in the first place, the Bloody Magpies repurposing Bjorn the Fell-Handed (of his own will, we was painted red and joined the Bloody Magpies so he wouldn't have to suffer through the Space Wolves asking him about Leman Russ and the Wolftime ever again), Failbaddon losing his arms, and other /tg/ related fanon stuff. GhostStalker fucked around with this message at 19:40 on Aug 19, 2015 |
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Aug 19, 2015 14:08
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The Magpies probably stole Abbadon's arms.
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Aug 19, 2015 14:13
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