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pookel posted:Except for how he wants to do nothing but play videogames all day, and can't stand losing games or he screams and loses his poo poo, and can't handle being contradicted on anything .... Funny, you're not my ex-wife, I could have sworn you were talking about my kid...
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Jul 14, 2015 16:21
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| # ? May 15, 2024 20:51 |
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Whenever we do Religious Education, my class of five-year-olds always find a way to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about death. Most recently the question of just how you actually get to heaven came up.  When you die, people put you in a you-sized box and then the box is put in a special room and then the special room uses magic and turns you into dust and then you fly to heaven.  No, it's that when you die your bones turn to dust and then you see an elevator that's all made of clouds and you get in it you have to push the special heaven button to go up to heaven.Morbidly adorable little buggers. 
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Jul 14, 2015 17:12
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pookel posted:Except for how he wants to do nothing but play videogames all day, and can't stand losing games or he screams and loses his poo poo, and can't handle being contradicted on anything .... I was going to say, that sounds like me, no complain here
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Jul 15, 2015 06:26
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I forgot one from the other day. We were at a burger place, and my son had his wrapper fall off the table. Then he looks at me and gravely murmmured "No, twas pickles that killed the beast."
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Jul 15, 2015 14:00
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Choco1980 posted:I forgot one from the other day. We were at a burger place, and my son had his wrapper fall off the table. Then he looks at me and gravely murmmured "No, twas pickles that killed the beast."  How old is he?
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Jul 15, 2015 14:39
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He's the coolest 8 year old in the world.
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Jul 15, 2015 16:03
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Choco1980 posted:I forgot one from the other day. We were at a burger place, and my son had his wrapper fall off the table. Then he looks at me and gravely murmmured "No, twas pickles that killed the beast." That's absolutely brilliant.
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Jul 15, 2015 16:44
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My 5yr old is getting slightly emotional about an impending house move so we're being careful not to unnecessarily upset him. I put him to bed yesterday and noticed a spider on the wall so I said "let me get that" he screamed and leapt up, imploring me not to kill Henry. Shortly after I heard him telling the spider all about his new room and what he was looking forward to. I chuckled quietly to myself then he said "Don't worry, I'll take you with me, they'll never know"
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Jul 15, 2015 20:53
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I swear you're all raising little Calvins. "Hey, I learned all about the ways a black hole can kill you and it's breaking my brain. By the way I dropped a pitcher of juice in the kitchen."
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Jul 16, 2015 05:58
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My wife and two sons are out of state for the weekend. My wife texted me this gem from our 6-year-old after they got done swimming in the hotel pool: "Mommy, you know why my eyes are burning? Because someone peed in the pool. That's what Jeff Rossen said on Rossen Report." We watch the Today Show every single morning.
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Jul 19, 2015 03:40
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I told my brother's kid, who is 4 and a half, that old corny joke about the tomato who crosses the street to see if kids still thought it was funny. He didn't find it at all amusing and told me tomatoes can't cross the street in the first place since they don't have skeletons.
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Jul 19, 2015 08:07
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I was explaining to my 4 year old this morning that I was going to hop in the shower to shave my legs. He rubs my legs, comments on how spikey they are. Then says, "But it's okay Mommy; I can still hug them." And then he did.
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Jul 30, 2015 22:02
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Boy about 7 or so, on the bus today: Moooooom! When are you getting married to Leo already?!?
HackensackBackpack has a new favorite as of 02:03 on Aug 8, 2015 |
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Aug 8, 2015 01:59
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I woke my kids up this morning and my 5 year old son comes up to me and says "daddy im very angry at you. I was dreaming and you woke me up and i didnt finish my dream" I asked him what he was dreaming about and he goes "i just got my charizard and i didnt get to battle ANYONE before you woke me up. When i go to bed tonight im gonna finish my dream"
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Aug 8, 2015 03:06
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omnibobb posted:I woke my kids up this morning and my 5 year old son comes up to me and says "daddy im very angry at you. I was dreaming and you woke me up and i didnt finish my dream" to be fair i'd be pissed off at you too if that happened to me.
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Aug 8, 2015 03:07
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Yeah, especially if you get him early and leveled. Beats the gently caress out of everyone past Misty and Brock
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Aug 8, 2015 03:10
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"Hey dad, has Superman ever given anybody cancer? Like through a wall with his x-ray vision?"' I'm going to miss my son after he goes back home soon.
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Aug 8, 2015 04:16
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A couple of things from my kids visit: Im rubbing my sons head as he falls asleep and my daughter wakes up and says "why are you petting my bruddas head when hes not a puppy?" My son pointed to some Chinese writing and asked me what it said, when I said I didn't know he said "you dont speak ninja?" My daughter told me my butt was too big to wear a skirt
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Aug 24, 2015 02:37
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poo poo, can't believe I forgot to post this one earlier. My friend and I took her niece to the pool about a month ago. (Niece is a 4 year old with the mind of a 45 year old, by the way- when she got her finger stuck in a door earlier this year and Friend was consoling her on the ride home, Niece chokes out to her between whimpers, "I love you for being here, Auntie." ) Anyway, we're at the pool and Niece informs us she's gotta poo. So we're trying to get her to go in the direction of the bathrooms which are pretty near the entrance. Friend is holding her by the hand and gently pulling her towards where the bathrooms are so we can get on with it. Niece suddenly erupts in a thoroughly exhausted, dry tone, "Why are you dragging me like a bovine."
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Aug 24, 2015 03:24
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Little girl came in to my store with her mom and grandma the other day, and immediately had to show me her 'magic rock that sparkles (she pronounced it parkles) in the sun'----and then was quick to inform me that 'it doesn't sparkle in the shade!'
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Aug 24, 2015 07:38
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My close friend has a daughter who will be turning 3 in November. She's usually very shy and when asked a question she'll usually hide behind mom. We hang out every once in a while and I know she recognizes me but wasn't really sure if she knew my name or enjoyed my company more than just "That person that tries to talk to me" Yesterday my friend came to pick me up for lunch while my car was in the shop and had her little daughter in tow. As I came out to get in the car I hear her say "Are we going to see Buggie?!  "I got in the car and turned around to say Hi and she had the biggest grin on her face. That alone made me feel good. A bit later we made a pit stop and Friend ran inside while I stayed in the car with the kid. She piped up and told me "I got a new bed!!" "Oh yeah? What kind of bed? Is it big?" "No, it's a little bed. It's an Elsa bed!" We talked about beds and elsa until Friend came back. She stayed open and talkative all afternoon! After returning to my house and hanging out for a little while and her petting my cats and wanting to play with the cat toys, Friend said it was time to go. "Nooo! I wanna stay with Buggie!!" and she ran over to me and scrambled up in my lap. I squeezed her tight and said "Well if you stay here you have to sit in my lap right here FOREVER and be MINE!!!  She started giggling and kicking like crazy saying "Noo Wait mommy! I changed my mind!!" I freed her and she ran to my friend laughing and my friend said "Ok, tell Buggie Bye!" She ran back over and said "Love you Buggie!" and gave me a hug.  It was a good day.
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Aug 26, 2015 14:04
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My 5-year-old nephew is full of these. We were telling scary stories around the campfire and he busted out: "Once upon a time I saw a WITCH, and it was REALLY SCARY. So I ran away, but then I saw a monster that was EVEN SCARIER. The end!" Later, I was looking after him in the water. When he saw a crab, so he got scared and wanted me to carry him to the beach. As soon as I put him down on the sand, he faced the bay and said "I think I'll go for another swim." My sister's friend came over with her kids, and I got played by her 5-year-old daughter. She handed me a half-finished tofu dog saying "All done." I showed her how to put it in the fridge for later, she said she'd be leaving soon. "You might be hungry again, so I'll save it." "It's OK, I ate a lot of food today." "Alright. The food goes in the compost here and the plate goes in the garbage here, see?" Then she rubs her stomach and says "I just remembered that I didn't eat lunch today. Can I have a cookie?" I said no, but I wanted to say "gently caress off, kid."
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Aug 27, 2015 07:06
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I remember my mom telling a story, which might have been about me or my brother, about a kid who insisted that they had two separate stomachs, one for regular food and one for dessert. So it was perfectly logical that the meal stomach was full and the dessert stomach was still hungry.
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Aug 27, 2015 16:16
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That's common knowledge here in Norway. My regular stomach usually overflows into my dessert stomach during Christmas.
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Aug 27, 2015 16:38
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My 3 year old, running up and down the corridor: "Me and Anna are running away from Prince Hans, because he's going to bang Elsa."
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Aug 27, 2015 19:30
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Datasmurf posted:That's common knowledge here in Norway. My regular stomach usually overflows into my dessert stomach during Christmas. My family still teases me about an incident when I was 3, I really wanted a candy cane but they wanted me to finish my dinner. I told them I had a candy cane-shaped space in my stomach so obviously the only thing that would fit was a candy cane.
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Aug 27, 2015 19:53
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The dessert stomach has been a running joke in my family for years too. I think my brother was the originator.
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Aug 27, 2015 21:24
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It's scientific fact that everybody has a dessert stomach 
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Aug 27, 2015 21:29
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You learn very quickly as a parent that whenever your child says "I'm full..." you follow that up with "Okay, but no desert or treats later if you are..." About 1 in 10 times they'll actually be full and not want a treat later.
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Aug 27, 2015 21:36
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When I was little I used to say I was full and my parents would make me open my mouth and let them "look" to see if I really was full. I believed it for far too long.
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Aug 27, 2015 22:30
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My wife found this mysterious list at my mother's house. What's feank?
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Aug 27, 2015 22:43
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I can't read number 5 there as anything but "hary poter [sic] slaying".
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Aug 27, 2015 22:47
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Sirocco posted:My wife found this mysterious list at my mother's house. Charlie Kelly???
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Aug 27, 2015 23:04
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Sirocco posted:My wife found this mysterious list at my mother's house. ron?
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Aug 27, 2015 23:14
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Sirocco posted:My wife found this mysterious list at my mother's house. 1. dragins maof -> dragon's mouth 2. feank??? 3. are in man... ??? 4. hary poter -> Harry Potter 5. hary poter flaying -> harry potter flying 6. prfeser dome dor -> Professor Dumbledore 7. maofoy -> Malfoy 8. Hmayeny -> Hermione 9. ron? -> Ron? 10. prfeser dome dor ded -> Professor Dumbledor is dead 11. vordomoret -> Voldemort 12. hary poter fitening mawfoy -> Harry Potter fighting Malfoy I really have no idea about 2 or 3.
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Aug 27, 2015 23:33
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No. 3 might be Hermione.
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Aug 27, 2015 23:37
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#3 - Iron Man?
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Aug 27, 2015 23:44
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Sirocco posted:What's feank? Snaek - Snake - Snape
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Aug 27, 2015 23:54
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Pththya-lyi posted:Snaek - Snake - Snape SNAAAAAKE!
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Aug 28, 2015 00:02
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| # ? May 15, 2024 20:51 |
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I genuinely cannot stop laughing at 7 maofoy! 8 h maye ny!!! 9 ron?
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Aug 28, 2015 00:10
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