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Artificer posted:Sick. Something? More meds. Death. Would you like to try surgery, Y/n? n Would you like to try fruit, y/n? Y Condolences.
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Aug 25, 2015 23:33
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You guys are way behind the times if you don't know your fresh produce
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Aug 25, 2015 23:40
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i like nice words
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I can actually read what that's saying, oh god. "blood test! Ejaculating dong/a bunch of butts and female genitalia! Oh no, you've got the bad stuff from all that fornicating, time to go on lots of pills... and then you're dead."
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Aug 26, 2015 00:45
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Correct, you're automatically enrolled in our new pilot program for Kids Today. v that's an rear end in a top hat my friend Anne Whateley fucked around with this message at 01:59 on Aug 26, 2015 |
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Aug 26, 2015 01:25
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Thought it was something like "You combined sweaty eggplant with a chocolate donut. Here are some pills. Now you're going to die." I have never seen female genitalia that was covered in anything that looked like chocolate frosting, but maybe that's why that person is dead and I'm alive. E: I got tested today. I asked for all the tests they offered and it turned out that herpes wasn't one of them, but I got everything else one would worry about? Guess I'll have to get herpes from my primary care provider. Is that even a thing? Seems like it would be embarrassing to go to my regular doctor for that, that's why I went to a clinic in the first place. EB Nulshit fucked around with this message at 01:42 on Aug 26, 2015 |
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Aug 26, 2015 01:31
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Doctors routinely pull zucchinis and children's toys and stuff out of butts. They don't give a poo poo about whether you have herpes or not.
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Aug 26, 2015 03:32
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Just checking... guys can't be tested for HPV, correct? So if a dude gets it from say, eating an infected pussy, he can then pass it around (via kissing and also more oral sex) and not even know about it. Y/N?
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Aug 26, 2015 05:24
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bobula posted:Just checking... guys can't be tested for HPV, correct? So if a dude gets it from say, eating an infected pussy, he can then pass it around (via kissing and also more oral sex) and not even know about it. Y/N? http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm
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Aug 26, 2015 05:30
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EB Nulshit posted:E: I got tested today. I asked for all the tests they offered and it turned out that herpes wasn't one of them, but I got everything else one would worry about? Guess I'll have to get herpes from my primary care provider. Is that even a thing? Seems like it would be embarrassing to go to my regular doctor for that, that's why I went to a clinic in the first place. I guess it will be a bit embarassing to go and get herpes from your primary care provider. But I suppose it's very doable, statistically, if you snog everybody who works in the practice, to finally stop worring whether you have Herpes or not.
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Aug 26, 2015 12:35
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Hydrolith posted:A quick google says you're correct, but that there is a vaccine you can get if you're worried. The vaccine however only protects against the strains of HPV that most commonly cause certain cancers, there are still plenty you can get even while vaccinated. But most people have some strain of HPV if they've ever say, had contact with other humans.
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Aug 26, 2015 15:34
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Gardasil protects against the most common cancer strains and the most common wart strains. Those strains cause ballpark 70% of genital cancers and 90% of genital warts. The new version, Gardasil-9, includes 5 more strains that cause an additional 20% of cervical cancers. (But you can't get the new one if you already got the original Gardasil, so I'm jealous)
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Aug 26, 2015 15:47
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What's the difference between talking dirty and talking poo poo? Seems to be the same thing, where you're saying things like "yeah you like that, don't you you stupid bitch. Take it in your rear end, oval office." Etc.
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Aug 26, 2015 17:12
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you're joking but the difference is you say it during sex, and you say stuff you know your partner gets off on you generally shouldn't talk dirty without asking what stuff they like first but some people don't have that common sense
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Aug 26, 2015 17:35
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Depends what they're into. My wife doesn't really like "oval office" or but I can call her a bitch or slut, but not really whore much. So it really depends, and communication is key.
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Aug 26, 2015 17:35
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If you get hit that means you were talking poo poo, hope this helps
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Aug 26, 2015 17:37
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small hendren posted:What's the difference between talking dirty and talking poo poo? Seems to be the same thing, where you're saying things like "yeah you like that, don't you you stupid bitch. Take it in your rear end, oval office." Etc. Do you honestly believe that you have to call your girl names for it to count as talking dirty? You don't have to, but it makes sense if you're doing that "rough sex" all those teenagers are doing on my street.
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Aug 26, 2015 17:38
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drat teenagers, always having rough sex in the streets. See dan savage's advice: say what you're about to do, say what you're doing, say what you just did.
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Aug 26, 2015 19:28
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Brutor Fartknocker posted:See dan savage's advice: say what you're about to do, say what you're doing, say what you just did. I guess that would look something like 'Vidi Veni Vici' if you want to be a bit more classy about it.
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Aug 26, 2015 21:03
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small hendren posted:What's the difference between talking dirty and talking poo poo? Seems to be the same thing, where you're saying things like "yeah you like that, don't you you stupid bitch. Take it in your rear end, oval office." Etc. Also, talking dirty doesn't necessarily involve degrading the other person. I mean, it can, if they're into that. But saying something like "I want to (insert sex act)" or "You make me (insert description of arousal)" is still talking dirty. Basically, if you don't know, ask. If you think you probably know, ask anyways.
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Aug 26, 2015 21:53
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DandyLion posted:I guess that would look something like 'Vidi Veni Vici' if you want to be a bit more classy about it. Vidi Veneri Vici?
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Aug 27, 2015 01:25
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Masturbating with vitamin e oil....good thing? I read about how it can help restore feeling after years of "death grip". Been using it the last few days and I'm big time preferring it to Astroglide. It took running out of Astroglide to realize this.
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Aug 27, 2015 12:12
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Since I started using coconut oil my sex got way better. It's cheaper, better feeling, and smells better than purpose made lube. I would assume it's probably not safe with condoms though since its not water based. Luckily that isn't an issue! Only other downside I've found is that it stains clothing easily.
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Aug 27, 2015 18:13
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I'm in the first serious relationship in my life and even though I've had sex before a number of times, I'm really nervous about having sex with a serious mate. I don't really know why, before I haven't really cared because it's been loose anyways, but now it feels different. Any advice?
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Aug 27, 2015 22:22
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ManOfTheYear posted:I'm in the first serious relationship in my life and even though I've had sex before a number of times, I'm really nervous about having sex with a serious mate. I don't really know why, before I haven't really cared because it's been loose anyways, but now it feels different. Any advice? Let him or her know you're nervous; there's no shame in it, and it'll ironically relax you and your partner.
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Aug 27, 2015 22:30
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small hendren posted:"yeah you like that, don't you you stupid bitch. Take it in your rear end, oval office." Etc. I lol'd. Some peeps get off on degradation and humiliation, for sure, but most of the time if your girl asks you to talk dirty (this is because you don't already, and she wants it to happen)and you immediately dive into calling her a STUPID BITCH in the middle of it, you might just get hit.
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Aug 28, 2015 06:19
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Getting deep in your cum-guzzling fuckhole, suckling my chute digger with pussy sauce, I'm gonna spew man yogurt all over your gently caress udders, take it cuntwhacker.
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Aug 28, 2015 06:34
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Reynold posted:I lol'd. Some peeps get off on degradation and humiliation, for sure, but most of the time if your girl asks you to talk dirty (this is because you don't already, and she wants it to happen)and you immediately dive into calling her a STUPID BITCH in the middle of it, you might just get hit. At the very least, you probably won't get laid. Shine posted:Getting deep in your cum-guzzling fuckhole, suckling my chute digger with pussy sauce, I'm gonna spew man yogurt all over your gently caress udders, take it cuntwhacker. Holy poo poo. 
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Aug 28, 2015 06:34
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Talk to your girl about how you like to fantasize about all her friends, women love that.
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Aug 28, 2015 06:47
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Do I have to use lube for anal? My girls trying to tell me my spit isn't enough, personally I'd love to go dry (maximum pleasure). Any compromise suggestions?
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Aug 28, 2015 06:48
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gently caress da Mods posted:Do I have to use lube for anal? My girls trying to tell me my spit isn't enough, personally I'd love to go dry (maximum pleasure). the compromise is that you put lube on your dick and then get to do anal
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Aug 28, 2015 06:52
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Shine posted:Getting deep in your cum-guzzling fuckhole, suckling my chute digger with pussy sauce, I'm gonna spew man yogurt all over your gently caress udders, take it cuntwhacker. sploosh. gently caress da Mods posted:Do I have to use lube for anal? My girls trying to tell me my spit isn't enough, personally I'd love to go dry (maximum pleasure). I think there's a 90% chance you're a virgin, because who the gently caress wants dry sex? Think for one second, have you ever wanted a dry blowjob? Seriously, doing it dry is the minimum pleasure for both of you; if you don't believe me, then let her dry-gently caress your anus with a strap-on first, and see if no lube is still "maximum pleasure". There's no compromise anyway, you do what she wants because it's her butthole and she decides what goes in it, and you do your part to make sure you both have a good time.
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Aug 28, 2015 07:21
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Shine posted:Getting deep in your cum-guzzling fuckhole, suckling my chute digger with pussy sauce, I'm gonna spew man yogurt all over your gently caress udders, take it cuntwhacker. I, too, quote Manwhore lyrics to my girl during the most intense of sexy times. 
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Aug 28, 2015 07:41
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gently caress da Mods posted:Do I have to use lube for anal? My girls trying to tell me my spit isn't enough, personally I'd love to go dry (maximum pleasure). maximum pleasure (of flaying the flesh from your dick)
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Aug 28, 2015 12:53
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Ornithology posted:Since I started using coconut oil my sex got way better. It's cheaper, better feeling, and smells better than purpose made lube. I would assume it's probably not safe with condoms though since its not water based. Luckily that isn't an issue! We use fractionated coconut oil. There's less of a staining problem and it's an amazing massage oil too. It's much more expensive than regular coconut oil but still somehow winds up being cheaper than even the cheapest lubes. It does melt condoms though.
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Aug 28, 2015 14:44
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Strap-ons are expensive, so if you're on the cheap just have her fist you with no lube. Don't worry about her fingernails either, your rear end in a top hat is definitely only going to get more pleasure from them.
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Aug 28, 2015 17:23
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Jesus people what is this kindergarten? You can't seriously have missed the trololol in that post.
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Aug 28, 2015 19:04
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If it wasn't for obvious trolls this thread would get like 1 post a month, it is the only thing keeping it alive
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Aug 28, 2015 19:10
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Making poo poo posts at each other is most of this thread. That and links to good condoms/sex toys.
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Aug 28, 2015 19:16
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Travis343 posted:If it wasn't for obvious trolls this thread would get like 1 post a month, it is the only thing keeping it alive Yeah, what the gently caress else are we doing? Also, sometimes they create things like Shine's super hot dirty talk, and that's more than worth the price of entry.
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Aug 28, 2015 19:27
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Jedit posted:Vidi Veneri Vici? "Veni, Venii! VENIIIiIUURghgng..."
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Aug 28, 2015 20:01
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