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Well we booked the DJ last year, and since we already paid the deposit it would be more expensive now to cancel him and hire a cheaper one. I know the wine price is trivial in the grand scheme of things, it just seemed like it wasn't as big a deal as she was making it out to be.
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Sep 1, 2015 00:37
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Mandalay posted:Aren't you guys thinking of paying over $1k for a DJ? Cutting back there and buying $8/bottle wine seems more preferable to me. Oh well, just goes to show to each his/her own. $1k for a DJ is cheap in some areas. Any DJs under $1k where we got married would've been absolute poo poo.
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Sep 1, 2015 00:49
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I never thought I'd have one of these stories* but less than a week before the wedding, a full 3 weeks after the absolute cut-off date I gave people for RSVP'ing, a friend who declined his invitation texted me today asking if he could show up for part of the reception with a plus one. First of all, no one got a plus one, only specific named significant others were invited with their own personalized RSVP cards like everyone else. Secondly, he turned down his invitation!! I honestly think he just isn't familiar enough with weddings to know that's a huge no-no, but drat. Granted it's also partially my fault for telling him that he MIGHT be able to come by for part of the reception after dinner not thinking that a) he'd actually show up and b) forgetting that the venue has an open bar and we're paying food/alcohol costs per person so adding someone for the party is like trying to sneak someone in for free booze. So we definitely can't be adding 2 people to it. *doesn't everyone think that?
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Sep 1, 2015 02:54
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My cousin originally declined her invite and then told my mom 48 hours before the wedding that she was actually going to come. "Fortunately", one of my friends and his wife had to back out on their previous acceptance the week of the wedding so my cousin just took one of their spots.
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Sep 1, 2015 03:27
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KasioDiscoRock posted:I never thought I'd have one of these stories* but less than a week before the wedding, a full 3 weeks after the absolute cut-off date I gave people for RSVP'ing, a friend who declined his invitation texted me today asking if he could show up for part of the reception with a plus one. First of all, no one got a plus one, only specific named significant others were invited with their own personalized RSVP cards like everyone else. Secondly, he turned down his invitation!! I am at the point of hounding people because our RSVPs are due Sept 3rd which is when we owe the venue a headcount and half the remaining balance for that head count. In the last week I started calling people that all put just themselves on the RSVP and found that 5 people had planned to bring someone, but didn't care to put that down. It isn't a big number (3% of guests) but gently caress it is frustrating. If I were you I'd just tell them your wedding is a free date. It is one thing to come after declining the invite, but to then just assume you can bring a guest is another story.
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Sep 1, 2015 14:32
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:$1k for a DJ is cheap in some areas. Any DJs under $1k where we got married would've been absolute poo poo. Yeah there was only one DJ under 1K here and he was so monotone it would have been terrible. He had some YouTube videos up and he sounded absolutely bored with every announcement he was making.
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Sep 1, 2015 15:28
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OssiansFolly posted:I am at the point of hounding people because our RSVPs are due Sept 3rd which is when we owe the venue a headcount and half the remaining balance for that head count. In the last week I started calling people that all put just themselves on the RSVP and found that 5 people had planned to bring someone, but didn't care to put that down. It isn't a big number (3% of guests) but gently caress it is frustrating. Yeah, I had to track down a full 1/3 of our guests who didn't RSVP by the announced date, which thankfully I set 2 weeks ahead of when the venue needed numbers. He was actually one of the ones I talked to directly and said that after Aug 12 no one else could be added. I told him that because of the pay-per-guest we can't add anyone else who isn't already listed on the seating chart we provided. I could technically still add him to the guest list, but he doesn't want to come for dinner and doesn't drink at all so I don't really relish the idea of spending $135 for someone to just come hang out for an hour or 2. Plus my Grandpa is going to decide whether or not he's able to come depending on how he's feeling the day before, so I am already using my "please please add one guest at the last minute!" card for him.
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Sep 1, 2015 16:14
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OssiansFolly posted:I am at the point of hounding people because our RSVPs are due Sept 3rd which is when we owe the venue a headcount and half the remaining balance for that head count. In the last week I started calling people that all put just themselves on the RSVP and found that 5 people had planned to bring someone, but didn't care to put that down. It isn't a big number (3% of guests) but gently caress it is frustrating. That's partially your fault, you're supposed to have the RSVP deadline a week or two before your headcount is due, otherwise what's the point of the deadline if you're going to start bugging people before? Most people don't send their RSVPs in until right at or on the deadline. People being lovely about adding people is a problem, obviously, but for future reference (or anyone still working on invitations) you have to give yourself some buffer room between your deadline and your headcount being due. I use that trick at work all the time, never tell people your actual deadline. ilysespieces fucked around with this message at 20:17 on Sep 1, 2015 |
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Sep 1, 2015 20:13
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ilysespieces posted:That's partially your fault, you're supposed to have the RSVP deadline a week or two before your headcount is due, otherwise what's the point of the deadline if you're going to start bugging people before? Most people don't send their RSVPs in until right at or on the deadline. People being lovely about adding people is a problem, obviously, but for future reference (or anyone still working on invitations) you have to give yourself some buffer room between your deadline and your headcount being due. I use that trick at work all the time, never tell people your actual deadline. Everyone single one of the people I called wouldn't have remembered to send it if it was a week later or not. All of them are irresponsible. Also, we weren't aware of when we had to have a final headcount to the reception hall when we ordered the invites...we ordered them last year and only got the last half of the payment schedule 6 months ago.
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Sep 2, 2015 04:32
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Went to my best friends wedding on Sunday. It went really well, beautiful bride, groom cleaned up really well, open bar, good food, everybody seemed to have a great time. My question here is: how much is an acceptable amount of cash for the wedding present? They had no registry and are still renting a one bedroom apartment so I assumed cash was the way to go. I've known the groom since middle school (we're both 27) and the bride for about 7 or 8 years. I'd say I'm pretty close friends with both of them. I was originally to be a groomsman but his mother wanted his two brothers in it, so he only had one more spot leftover. No big deal. It was August in Virginia near a river, so it was hot and humid and I didn't feel like getting in a suit anyway. So all that said, I bought a card, wrote a note on a piece of paper, and stuck $400 in the card and sealed it up. Was that overdoing it? I honestly looked at it as $200 a piece and felt completely comfortable doing so. Edit: I'm not asking because I want validation or to feel smug or anything. It's just when I saw them for the first time after they had opened up the card they were trying to tell me it was too much and wanted to give some back. I would feel kinda uncomfortable taking back money that I'd given as a gift for what is hopefully one of the biggest days of their lives. And I know for a fact that some of the friends they invited didn't give them anything (zilch, nada) because "they knew that when they invited me". Santheb fucked around with this message at 09:49 on Sep 2, 2015 |
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Sep 2, 2015 08:54
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I've personally never heard of Caucasian/Western couples receiving that kind of one off gift from non-family that wasn't in the form of a gift card. I grew up in Asia though and don't have any compunctions over either receiving, giving or asking for cold hard cash as a gift so ymmv. I'd be somewhat hurt if my friends tried to give me money back that I'd gifted to them myself, unless I didn't think they were serious. Perhaps your friends are just awkward and don't know how to say thank you?
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Sep 2, 2015 10:37
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It depends on your circumstances and circle of friends/family. Would you have bought them a $400 gift if they had a registry? Money as a wedding gift really isn't a no-no in the UK these days, but I would be hella surprised if a friend gave me that amount of money. Largely because I know my friends don't HAVE that kind of money to be spending on a gift for me... in fact I'd be surprised if family members gave me that much money. Then again, it's a gift, you have the money, they might feel a bit awkward about it but it seems to have come from a good place as a kind gesture so it's not that big a deal.
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Sep 2, 2015 11:26
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Robot Mil posted:It depends on your circumstances and circle of friends/family. Would you have bought them a $400 gift if they had a registry? Money as a wedding gift really isn't a no-no in the UK these days, but I would be hella surprised if a friend gave me that amount of money. Largely because I know my friends don't HAVE that kind of money to be spending on a gift for me... in fact I'd be surprised if family members gave me that much money. Then again, it's a gift, you have the money, they might feel a bit awkward about it but it seems to have come from a good place as a kind gesture so it's not that big a deal. I've known about their wedding for at least a few months so putting away $50 to $100 every paycheck wasn't a big deal to me. Would I have done something like that had they had a registry? I don't know, it's hard to say. I just felt that after having put forth money for a wedding and all that maybe a little extra cash would be helpful, especially come honeymoon time.
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Sep 2, 2015 11:35
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Santheb posted:My question here is: how much is an acceptable amount of cash for the wedding present? They had no registry and are still renting a one bedroom apartment so I assumed cash was the way to go. The only "rule" for giving a wedding gift is give what you can afford. You gave an incredibly generous gift that you said you could afford, I would be shocked if I received that from a friend but I'd be incredibly grateful. Some people use that stupid "pay what your plate costs", but if you're a struggling student and you're invited to a black tie event or if you're loaded and throw money around and are invited to a backyard bbq wedding, that rule is bunk. I agree that you shouldn't let them feel guilty about accepting such a generous gift, let them know that you hope they spend it on something fun and you expect some great honeymoon pictures when they get back or something and bean dip away from the gift conversation. But also, don't try and make your friends who gave nothing feel embarrassed, while I hope they at least wrote a nice card, gifts aren't expected and everyone gives within their own budget and sometimes just the wedding travel and outfits and all that is basically their entire budget. Or they just don't understand how weddings work and will be embarrassed in the near future when they're planning their own wedding or something like that, but they're within their rights to give nothing if they don't want to/can't. ilysespieces fucked around with this message at 13:36 on Sep 2, 2015 |
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Sep 2, 2015 13:33
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ilysespieces posted:The only "rule" for giving a wedding gift is give what you can afford. You gave an incredibly generous gift that you said you could afford, I would be shocked if I received that from a friend but I'd be incredibly grateful. Some people use that stupid "pay what your plate costs", but if you're a struggling student and you're invited to a black tie event or if you're loaded and throw money around and are invited to a backyard bbq wedding, that rule is bunk. Yeah, shocked but grateful is the very, very likely reaction. That can pay for a plane ticket for the honeymoon, or get stashed towards a down payment, or who knows what, whereas a blender not so much. This may be my Chinese in-laws influencing me, but cash is the most versatile gift and that's a very nice, generous one at that.
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Sep 2, 2015 13:36
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We've spent that much on a wedding gift for most of our friends. No one's ever said anything weird about it.
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Sep 2, 2015 13:38
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Santheb posted:Went to my best friends wedding on Sunday. It went really well, beautiful bride, groom cleaned up really well, open bar, good food, everybody seemed to have a great time. We had a long time friend of my fiancé give us $1,000 this past Christmas as an early wedding gift. We had a 2 year engagement and he said he had been putting $100 away each month for us for the past year. We were REALLY shocked and felt really guilty taking the money since they just had a baby, but they insisted (and his parents were super overjoyed for a kid and bought everything for their new baby). I don't expect to even get $20 and a card from most of my friends so this was surely a shock. I honestly don't think your gift was "overdoing it". If you honestly looked at the gift, thought "yes, I can afford this and they can use this", then that amount was the perfect amount. I am sure they really appreciate having a wonderful friend like yourself.
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Sep 2, 2015 15:07
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Our rule has been that if we are not getting a gift from the registry, we try to find out how much each person costs and at the very least pay for ourselves in gift money.
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Sep 2, 2015 15:40
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Okay, that's pretty much what I was looking to hear. Thank you all very much for your input 
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Sep 2, 2015 16:38
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My wife wants me to pick out her father-daughter dance song (and wants me to dance with my mom too). I've narrowed it down to a rumba or maybe a 4 count swing song because those are incredibly easy to lead. About 90% of the guests will be Spanish speakers (the ceremony is in Mexico so her huge family can attend) so I want to find something with Spanish lyrics and a Latin feel to accommodate them. I'm having a rough time finding a good song with appropriate lyrics. Anyone got suggestions?
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Sep 2, 2015 23:37
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LLSix posted:My wife wants me to pick out her father-daughter dance song (and wants me to dance with my mom too). I've narrowed it down to a rumba or maybe a 4 count swing song because those are incredibly easy to lead. About 90% of the guests will be Spanish speakers (the ceremony is in Mexico so her huge family can attend) so I want to find something with Spanish lyrics and a Latin feel to accommodate them. I'm having a rough time finding a good song with appropriate lyrics. Anyone got suggestions? Do you have a DJ? If you do you could ask them for suggestions. This goes for pretty much anything you're stuck on-- ask the vendor in charge of that part. They attend dozens of weddings every year and have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of pretty much every aspect of the wedding day.
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Sep 3, 2015 00:01
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OssiansFolly posted:We had a long time friend of my fiancé give us $1,000 this past Christmas as an early wedding gift. We had a 2 year engagement and he said he had been putting $100 away each month for us for the past year. We were REALLY shocked and felt really guilty taking the money since they just had a baby, but they insisted (and his parents were super overjoyed for a kid and bought everything for their new baby). I don't expect to even get $20 and a card from most of my friends so this was surely a shock. drat, sounds like I need better friends. Is it written in the rulebook that you send thank-you cards to vendors or other people that you hired to help get your wedding put together? My wife and I were really happy with how everything turned out but I'm not sure if the fact that we paid the photographer, entertainment etc. and thanked them at the wedding is enough gratitude. I did want to at least send a card to our planner from the caterer, since she was super into the whole thing but ended up not being able to make the wedding. We will probably send cards to our vendors anyway but I wanted to see if this is required or us going above and beyond.
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Sep 4, 2015 00:46
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It's nice but what they'd likely really appreciate (in addition to tips) is public reviews on places like weddingwire.
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Sep 4, 2015 14:19
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Eris posted:It's nice but what they'd likely really appreciate (in addition to tips) is public reviews on places like weddingwire. Yea, my fiancé and I have already set up a plan for thanking vendors. Reviews and a nice thank you with a photo that they can use when they go to promote themselves. I figure for most of them it is all about image, so having something nice to put on their site or booth at bridal shows will help them a ton. Also, gently caress making center pieces...this is a crappy thing I wish I didn't have to do.
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Sep 4, 2015 15:15
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C-Euro posted:We will probably send cards to our vendors anyway but I wanted to see if this is required or us going above and beyond. I usually just Google "emily post" + my question when I have etiquette doubts. http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous quote:Suppliers and vendors. You don’t have to write everyone you hire for services, but anyone who exceeds your expectations will appreciate a courteous note of thanks. When the etiquette experts say something is not required, it is DEFINITELY not required. Of course, every time I read one of those pages, I find something new that I didn't realize you were supposed to do. Gifts for the people who throw you a bridal shower? Oy.
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Sep 4, 2015 15:41
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After the wedding all your vendors will email you begging for 5 star reviews. We sent photos of our vendors' wares to them once we got our pictures back (  with permission from our photographer that our vendors could use them for advertising purposes), especially to the Etsy shops where we got some stuff. When our wedding was chosen to be featured on The Knot I emailed all of them to let them know so they could make sure their pages all got updated and linked up properly as well.smackfu posted:Of course, every time I read one of those pages, I find something new that I didn't realize you were supposed to do. Gifts for the people who throw you a bridal shower? Oy. This is bullshit, if you got gifts for every person you were "supposed" to get gifts for you'd be broke before you knew it. We got gifts for our bridal party and that's it and to my knowledge no one else got upset for not getting gifts.
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Sep 4, 2015 23:05
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Santheb posted:Okay, that's pretty much what I was looking to hear. Thank you all very much for your input Do you want to come to my wedding? It's next April, that should give you some time to meet me and save up.
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Sep 4, 2015 23:15
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:This is bullshit, if you got gifts for every person you were "supposed" to get gifts for you'd be broke before you knew it. We got gifts for our bridal party and that's it and to my knowledge no one else got upset for not getting gifts. We got gifts for the people that threw our wedding shower, but A) It was my mom's close friend who we've known for 20 years, B) She did way more than she needed to, and C) They were relatively cheap gifts. Honestly if we hadn't given them gifts, I think my mom would have been more upset than her friend would have, she has very entrenched standards on gratitude etiquette. As for gifts as a whole, on top of giving our bridesmaids/groomsmen gifts my wife got two extra bridesmaids gifts for the moms and I got two extra groomsmen gifts for the dads. I was told this was more than we needed to do but they were all a big help in pulling our wedding together, and they weren't so expensive that four extra gifts really hurt our budget.
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Sep 5, 2015 16:27
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Proposed tonight and she said yes! She immediately started planning!
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Sep 6, 2015 05:58
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LLSix posted:My wife wants me to pick out her father-daughter dance song (and wants me to dance with my mom too). I've narrowed it down to a rumba or maybe a 4 count swing song because those are incredibly easy to lead. About 90% of the guests will be Spanish speakers (the ceremony is in Mexico so her huge family can attend) so I want to find something with Spanish lyrics and a Latin feel to accommodate them. I'm having a rough time finding a good song with appropriate lyrics. Anyone got suggestions? Here ya go: http://www.djintelligence.com/charts/ Obviously not a cure-all for song choices, but it can at least get your mind working in that direction when choosing music. For that matter, I don't think there are many Spanish songs on there at all. Good luck! We had to bump up yesterday's wedding three hours because the groom had to catch a flight to go to Army Ranger School. It was a sad send off to say the least. The first time I've ever had to announce to everyone, "Alright! It's time to go shave the groom's head!" 19 o'clock fucked around with this message at 19:02 on Sep 6, 2015 |
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Sep 6, 2015 19:00
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So we are on our 4th wedding coordinator at our venue, it seems like none of them stay there all that long. This one though is really bad at communicating things, I called her last week and she never called me back, so I called her again and got her new email address, told her I would be emailing her some questions, she said she would get back to me at 1 pm that day. Now a week later and I haven't heard poo poo from her. I don't expect her to respond within minutes, but a week seems a little excessive. I kind of feel like complaining to her boss, who is the head chef. I just worry that pissing off the person in charge of helping you plan your wedding day is a bad idea.
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Sep 8, 2015 17:56
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Massasoit posted:Proposed tonight and she said yes! She immediately started planning! What's up fellow Labor Day proposer! I'm getting married, this is awesome. We've been kinda talking about it in intense hypotheticals for a while but now we can officially start planning stuff. For sometime in 2017.  It's the first time I've been out on the skydeck and NOT been afraid of the heights.
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Sep 8, 2015 17:57
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Porkchop Express posted:So we are on our 4th wedding coordinator at our venue, it seems like none of them stay there all that long. Eh that is a tough situation. I know how you feel about "bugging" the person helping you, but at the same time her not responding is adding to your stress and potentially delaying the rest of your planning. I'd phrase it gently at first, and just email the same person back with a simple, "Hey just wanted to check in as the response time was outside what you originally quoted me." If she still doesn't respond with what you need in a day or two then I'd absolutely go to her boss...sucks, but you can't sit on your hands and wait until things get behind.  overdesigned posted:What's up fellow Labor Day proposer! I'm getting married, this is awesome. We've been kinda talking about it in intense hypotheticals for a while but now we can officially start planning stuff. For sometime in 2017. Congrats! My fiancé would be crapping her pants on that as she is TERRIFIED of heights! Let the planning fun begin! Get the venue, DJ, photographer and bakery together ASAP!
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Sep 8, 2015 20:48
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My fiancé texted a minister about getting married in his church and the guy said, "No problem, we can figure out the details in December," so I guess we have a venue? So that's venue, minister, and fiancé. Sweet!
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Sep 9, 2015 01:26
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I don't think my job is interesting/uncommon enough to merit its own thread, but I'm a wedding photographer and I'd be happy to answer any questions if I can.
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Sep 9, 2015 03:45
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AGirlWonder posted:My fiancé texted a minister about getting married in his church and the guy said, "No problem, we can figure out the details in December," so I guess we have a venue? So that's venue, minister, and fiancé. Sweet! Well the ceremony and the reception venue are two different things. Start looking for a reception location if you plan to have one.
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Sep 9, 2015 03:50
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AGirlWonder posted:My fiancé texted a minister about getting married in his church and the guy said, "No problem, we can figure out the details in December," so I guess we have a venue? So that's venue, minister, and fiancé. Sweet! Does that mean you have a wedding date too? That's hugely helpful in getting all the other stuff nailed down.
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Sep 9, 2015 15:52
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Oh, yeah, we've chosen a date. And over half of our invitees will be unable to attend because we live across the country, so the church's meeting room should be plenty big enough for a reception. If not, we can just shove people in the basement. We'll be visiting that church in a couple of weeks again to help with their food pantry, so I'll check it out with a different eye!
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Sep 9, 2015 20:07
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I don't remember if I've posted in this thread before but we just passed our RSVP deadline and even if EVERY outstanding RSVP comes back as a "yes", we'll have less than 120 guests. We wanted a small wedding (but both have giant families) and had resigned ourselves to at least 150 guests for everything. Thank god.
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Sep 9, 2015 21:25
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FadingChord posted:I don't remember if I've posted in this thread before but we just passed our RSVP deadline and even if EVERY outstanding RSVP comes back as a "yes", we'll have less than 120 guests. That's great! We were in the same boat. We wanted 150 guests, but ended up inviting 180. After all the invites came back we had exactly 150! It is like magic! How long until the date? Should be soon if you are getting RSVPs!
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Sep 10, 2015 01:59
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