Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013



When first exposed to the creation model of earth history, Christians and non-Christians alike usually ask the same question: "What about the dinosaurs?" It seems that decades of evolutionary brainwashing have led many people to equate dinosaurs with evolution. Dinosaurs have long been an effective tool for teaching evolutionary dogma, but they really did exist, and therefore must somehow fit into the Biblical framework.

The Bible says that all things were created during the six-day creation week (Exodus 20:11, etc.), including dinosaurs. The reptilian dinosaurs were (by definition) land animals which were created on Day Six under the category of "beast of the earth" (Genesis 1:24, 25). There were also large marine reptiles created on Day Five (v. 21). Along with all animals and mankind, they were created to be plant eaters (vs. 29,30), for there was no death before Adam and Eve rebelled against God.

Of the many dinosaur fossils found, almost all give evidence of being plant eaters exclusively. Several of the dinosaur fossil types, however, do possess sharp teeth, sharp claws, spikes, armor plates, etc., perhaps used for a variety of offensive or defensive purposes. Of course scientists can never be certain about a creature's habits when they only have bits of dead ones to study, and most dinosaur fossils are extremely fragmentary, usually consisting of part of a single bone. And many animals alive today that have sharp teeth use them for strictly peaceful ends. But enough is known of dinosaurs to strongly suspect that some of them ate meat.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
the bible says that the worls will come to an end when the fish in the sea start washing up on shore dead and women dress as men and men dress as women… now they are allowed to marry one another. hmmmm… the world is a nasty place as this is proof. we have gays fighting to wed one another and they are winning. go ahead obama…. do away with this retarded allowance.

TacticalUrbanHomo
Aug 17, 2011

by Lowtax
I want a look at the daily life of a person so unintelligent that their best attempt at voicing an objection to gay marriage is to call it a "retarded allowance"

what do they think the word "allowance" means

chickie nugs for brekkie
May 17, 2010

TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

I want a look at the daily life of a person so unintelligent that their best attempt at voicing an objection to gay marriage is to call it a "retarded allowance"

what do they think the word "allowance" means

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
When the earth was created and sin entered in(satan being thrust down) it knock the earth off it's axis, that is why there is 365 days in a year and not 360 as you would think (the earth being round) and also why the sun (light) does not shine on the earth as a whole, leaving some parts in darkness at certain times.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
And this is coming from someone who also claim homosexuality is normal. You guarantees are a house of cards. My guarantees stands upon a ROCK. Better check your foundation. Mine is JESUS/Yeshua Ha Mashiach, yours seems to be lies.

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is
Grimey Drawer

Volume posted:

And this is coming from someone who also claim homosexuality is normal. You guarantees are a house of cards. My guarantees stands upon a ROCK. Better check your foundation. Mine is JESUS/Yeshua Ha Mashiach, yours seems to be lies.

Yes, my guarantees are a 2000 year old book that encompasses the will of the being that created all that is, was, and ever will be.
Because someone told me so.

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS
I find it very difficult to believe someone would actually build their house on sand. I mean if they are competent enough to know how to build a house you'd know about basic foundation construction

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
The water canopy did exist, but God broke it and the weather suddenly changed, causing extreme temperture in winter. Before then 30 below Celsius never existed, interesting isn't it. There were the four seasons but not like we have them today.

Aleph Null
Jun 10, 2008

You look very stressed
Tortured By Flan

Volume posted:

The water canopy did exist, but God broke it and the weather suddenly changed, causing extreme temperture in winter. Before then 30 below Celsius never existed, interesting isn't it. There were the four seasons but not like we have them today.

My dad believes the water canopy theory. The sky was pink then, not blue. The higher air pressure allowed animals and humans to breathe in more oxygen and grow larger, heal faster, and live longer. Also it's how giant insects and dinosaur flyers were able to fly.
It never rained until The Great Flood. That's why Noah was ridiculed so much. Water from the sky? Whatever.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
My husband and our oldest son went to help out another Christian man. He just got out of prison, having been sent there for several months, due to stealing, threatening someone, and resisting arrest. He was drunk at the time.

Now, his first day out, he needed help in moving his stuff to his new place.

When they arrived at the place of this man’s old home, they found the place full of evil statues and other cursed items.

My son sensed the deep evil of the place; he sensed that witches had been there.

He struggled to complete the work, and asked his father if he could stop, for the spirits he sensed in the place was overwhelming for him. Alas, his father refused him, so he had to continue. He did the best he could, with his heart crying out from all the pain from the evil in the place.

When he arrived home, I could clearly see that he had been affected by them. He told me he had a spiritually horrible day, and that he had came from a place that reminded him of hell. Immediately I stopped what I was doing, and went to go bless him with the blessed olive oil. I cast out the demons from him, and asked the Lord to fill him with His peace.

The wildness and horror that had been there before slowly left his eyes, and he calmed back down.

I then went to go bless my husband.

He seemed angry at all the fuss, and did not understand what the big deal was.

My husband knew the procedure well, but this time seemed resentful of it having to take place. (I sensed he wanted to argue instead.)

I got the blessed olive oil, and went to make the sign of the cross at the base of his throat like I have done so many times before, but this time, as soon as the blessed olive oil and my finger touched his skin, I felt the demons come rushing out of him, to fly through me.

Anger, GREAT violence, disgusting filth, perversion, unrelenting sorrow, blackness, secrecy, fear, pagan idol worship, (that came from someone’s past family demons,) sorcery, divining, and two principality demons that came from the land that they had been on.

Thirteen demons that I could name.

I barely finished casting them out from him, for I was in shock at what had just happened. Never before had the demons from within another, come rushing out to fly through me. I stood there, looking at my husband, and I could tell that the demons had indeed left him, for the look in his eyes were back to normal, and the expression in his face was one of gentle remorse and concern.

But then I suddenly realized, that not all had gone through me. Some had gone in and remained.

I can’t even begin to fully describe such a horrible feeling; knowing that there were such filthy demons in me. Filthy, and unrelenting sorrow, were the demons that had remained in me.

The filthy one is what I sensed first; it made me want to go take a shower so I could scrub it off of me. It was truly horrible. Only a few times before, had I sensed such demons. Of those times, they always came from practicing Satanists or illuminati witches. But never before did I have one attack me.

Then the demon of unrelenting sorrow hit me next, and I began to cry in earnest.

I ran out of the room, and asked one of my other kids (the one who can see so clearly into that unseen world,) to please come and bless me. He had heard of what had happened, and came immediately. He then blessed me. As soon as his finger touched me with the blessed olive oil on it, the two demons of filth and unrelenting sorrow left me. This time, my crying turned to one of great relief, and I explained what had happened. I then asked him if the demons were now gone, or if they had gone into him. He said that they were now gone, and that they had not troubled him.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
The Antidote to Miley’s Mess

Miley Cyrus, you are treading on dangerously thin ice. You have a heart condition, tachycardia. The very shoes you tie in the morning could be untied by an undertaker tonight. You admitted to anxiety attacks that were so severe you used to avoid driving a car. Is the therapist you’re seeing resolving the emptiness inside? Is your new friend, Caitlin Jenner, offering any help or adding to the confusion?

When your father repented and turned back to God he said, “God sent His Son to this earth to save people like us.”

We are praying for you, Miley, because we love you. Underneath that sexually-charged persona is a little girl looking for love that only Jesus Christ can give you.

“There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every human being that cannot be satisfied by any created thing, but only by the Creator Himself, in the Person of Jesus Christ.” Blaise Pascal, French philosopher, 1600s.

Andro Dunos
Dec 11, 2003

Can I buy the "blessed olive oil" somewhere, and if so, is it ok to use when I make chicken florentine?

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
christian creepypasta is cool & good

TacticalUrbanHomo
Aug 17, 2011

by Lowtax

Aleph Null posted:

My dad believes the water canopy theory. The sky was pink then, not blue. The higher air pressure allowed animals and humans to breathe in more oxygen and grow larger, heal faster, and live longer. Also it's how giant insects and dinosaur flyers were able to fly.
It never rained until The Great Flood. That's why Noah was ridiculed so much. Water from the sky? Whatever.

not a theory.

I know you know that and I know what you meant, but whenever the subject of bullshit creationist pseudoscience comes up I'm compelled to reiterate the fact that, although they deny evolution because they can't literally see it happening in front of their eyes, they accept this bullshit with no calculation, no experimentation, no rigor or scrutiny of any kind. that's what they like, so that's what they go with.

Kanthulhu
Apr 8, 2009
NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!


(Dany shits in a field)
Must be really fun to believe in demons and exorcism. These people are living in a much more exciting world.

Scrotum Modem
Sep 12, 2014

zimboe
Aug 3, 2012

FIRST EBOLA GOON AVOID ALL POSTS SPEWING EBLOA SHIT POSTS EVERWHERE
I'm literally retarded
Look, I am sorry to point this out to you brain-damaged religious morons, But you are mentally ill.
Your brains have been infested by a parasitic meme that has zero regard for your self-interest.
...
These entities have been poorly recognized in the past, but compromise most human political and social structures to this very day.

God is a convenient lie to keep you obedient and docile.
...
Wake up and take the Red Pill.

zimboe fucked around with this message at 20:24 on Sep 5, 2015

zimboe
Aug 3, 2012

FIRST EBOLA GOON AVOID ALL POSTS SPEWING EBLOA SHIT POSTS EVERWHERE
I'm literally retarded

Volume posted:

The Antidote to Miley’s Mess

Miley Cyrus, you are treading on dangerously thin ice. You have a heart condition, tachycardia. The very shoes you tie in the morning could be untied by an undertaker tonight. You admitted to anxiety attacks that were so severe you used to avoid driving a car. Is the therapist you’re seeing resolving the emptiness inside? Is your new friend, Caitlin Jenner, offering any help or adding to the confusion?

When your father repented and turned back to God he said, “God sent His Son to this earth to save people like us.”

We are praying for you, Miley, because we love you. Underneath that sexually-charged persona is a little girl looking for love that only Jesus Christ can give you.

“There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every human being that cannot be satisfied by any created thing, but only by the Creator Himself, in the Person of Jesus Christ.” Blaise Pascal, French philosopher, 1600s.

Hell Man, Miley Cyrus is a nice pretty lady.
Seems kinda mean your posts, Sez I.

She got nice tits.

Commie NedFlanders
Mar 8, 2014

zimboe posted:

Look, I am sorry to point this out to you brain-damaged religious morons, But you are mentally ill.
Your brains have been infested by a parasitic meme that has zero regard for your self-interest.
...
These entities have been poorly recognized in the past, but compromise most human political and social structures to this very day.

God is a convenient lie to keep you obedient and docile.
...
Wake up and take the Red Pill.

your default state is to be calm and docile because you've grown up in this hosed up world, it's easy to think it's normal . Our world molds us to be parasites to be consumers to be mindless. Paradoxically enough , it's an adherence to orthodoxy which shines the light in a radical direction. God fills me with revolutionary fervor.

Carlos Lantana
Oct 2, 2003

I'm really sorry, your avatar is giving me a boner and while that is perfectly OK and I don't want to kink shame anyone, its making me feel really weird getting a boner in a Trump thread.

Sincerely,

Jailbrekr

Kanthulhu posted:

Jesus' not real.

Volume is real.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

AWarmBody posted:

Seven years after "graduating" from homeschooling, I decide to take a look back at the most horrific textbook I used during my homeschool years. It's a set of two books: a health textbook and its companion book, "Life Management Under God (second edition".
This post will focus on the latter of the two, which is aimed at grades 11-12. It was published by A Beka (they're baptist folk) in 2003. With only 103 pages, it scarred me in a way no other book has.

So let me give you a glimpse into a 17 year old's health education....

Meeting new people
or "I'm so glad that someone's finally teaching me how to properly socialize."


Dating platonically
Sex isn't even called what it is. "Going all the way" is kept at a PG level throughout the book.

Even kissing has an air of shame to it.

There are also Dating Guidelines for both guys and girls. I'm only going to post the girls' side because it's what applied to me. Also because of the whole "dressing that way gets you raped" thing it's got going on.




Marriage is the best!
There was an entire chapter ("unit") called Preparing For Marriage. It's my favorite part to reread, but since the passages in it are so long, I'm just posting my favorite short and sweet sections.


If you couldn't tell already, there are a lot of dramatic "anecdotes" written to probably instill terror in a sheltered teenage heart:



Bonus features
yikes....


There are also random illustrations throughout both books.
Here is my favorite from the Life Management book:

And, even though I haven't shown anything content-wise the health textbook itself, here's my favorite illustration from that:



So that's that. To this day, I'm still not sure what a penis is.

Andro Dunos
Dec 11, 2003

quote:


I actually laughed out loud when I got to the last sentence.

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat
Protestants are evil and should be indiscriminately burned at the stake.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost
Volume is still pissed at his dad I see

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

by Azathoth
this thread has taught me that the ideal christian is one who's dead on the inside and the only thing keeping him going is his faith in jesus because that's the only way a person will have no desire to indulge in any earthly delights whatsoever

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

they're gonna learn all those things anyway

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot

this guy is the poo poo :lol:

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Kanthulhu
Apr 8, 2009
NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!


(Dany shits in a field)

The devil teaches children really amazing things!

Hail Satan!

RottenK
Feb 17, 2011

Sexy bad choices

FAILED NOJOE
they're trying to turn that dumb poo poo into Rosa Parks and that is really disgusting

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

snivell
Sep 9, 2015

watch out, my posts are pretty damn edgy
That a nigga found and fit every animal on a drat boat.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08_NAED-3Tk

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I promise you, those of you who are Christians and don't care about soul-winning, that you will hate yourself in eternity. When you see Christians like me (and I say this humbly by God's grace alone) relishing in the presence of thousands of souls who were saved through my soul-winning efforts, and you had no souls saved at all. You will feel ashamed.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Yes, attacked from all sides in all ways! Satan's rope is short! He will come after you. Stand on the word of God, put on the belt of truth, breastplate of salvation, helmet of faith,sword of the the word.... put it all on God's armour!

I just picked up a good book on spiritual warfare, I relly need it now!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I've studied multiple religions in depth, on my own and at the college level: Islam, Atheism, Hinduism, Buddhism, New Age, Native Spirituality, etc... Christianity is the one that contains the Truth, because it is the one that points to Christ. The evidence lies with Him.

  • Locked thread