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  • Locked thread
LEGO Genetics
Oct 8, 2013

She growls as she storms the stadium
A villain mean and rough
And the cops all shake and quiver and quake
as she stabs them with her cuffs

Archonex posted:

Edit: Some of the forum meltdowns might be pretty good to post here, at least. I think the WoW forum reps actually trolled the playerbase a few times after it became apparent how loving terrible they were. And I think at least one had a meltdown and basically went apeshit on the players being annoyingly whiny nerds before quitting.

if I recall correctly, it was a forums CM under the name of Tseric who eventually got jaded and cynical from interacting with the WoW community before he parted ways with the company

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MisterOblivious
Mar 17, 2010

by sebmojo
Angry Diplomat posted:

The Doom Peel

If a banana peel is left on the floor, anyone who steps on it will slip and fall down. There used to be a Clown job, which started with a banana and was mostly responsible for playing pranks, telling jokes, raising spirits, and getting brutally murdered by the psychotic crew. When my brother first started playing SS13, he chose Clown and spent the entire round slipping people with his banana peel, farting in their faces while they lay stunned, and then peeling out of there like a brightly coloured human rally car while furiously honking his bike horn. He did this so much and so competently that several people were actively trying to murder him, which of course led to more slipping, farting, and honking before he'd lie low in a locker somewhere until they gave up the search.

One particular victim seemed to have terrible luck, as he ran afoul of my brother over, and over, and over again through no apparent fault of his own. He must have spent a third of the round lying on the floor with fart in his face and a cheery HONK HONK HONK ringing in his ears. After pratfalling for the fourteenth or fifteenth time, he impotently screamed, "CLOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!" at his retreating assailant. This had no effect, aside from causing my brother to laugh so hard that it brought him to tears.

That victim was THE OVERWASP, one of the game's administrators.

Rather than get angry, THE OVERWASP saw the humour in my brother's clowny antics. He telepathically instructed him to stand next to his banana peel for a moment, then implanted the clown's consciousness into the peel itself, giving my brother the ability to move it around directly.

As it turns out, a player-controlled banana peel is nothing short of apocalyptic in the right hands. The station rapidly descended into anarchy as police chases became Keystone Kopps fiascoes, Janitors were left facedown in their own suds, and panicking assistants fled shrieking from the demonically-possessed banana peel before it sent them tumbling facefirst into vending machines. In a desperate bid to restore order, one of the heads of staff seized the unholy fruit rind in his hand and stuffed it in his pocket. Striding triumphantly to the airlock to space the offending item, he met his doom when it leaped out of his pocket and slipped him, causing him to careen into the open void and be lost forever.

The escape shuttle was called, and the crew fled in terror, abandoning the station to its new master: the Doom Peel.


Don't accept drinks from The Devil

I played a few rounds as a Bartender named The Devil, with a huge black beard and glowing red eyes. I would start the round by taking several pills of Kelotane (a drug that cures burn damage over time), drinking a bunch of welding fuel, returning to the bar, and setting myself on fire. This produced a large but short-lived cloud of flame around me, giving most of the bar an ominously scorched appearance, and it allowed me keep burning for an extremely long period of time.

Because of the Kelotane in my system, the fire wouldn't actually hurt me; I could just stand around, blazing like a loving bonfire, chatting amiably with people as they tried to decide whether to order drinks or run for a fire extinguisher. So, when a crewmember walked into the bar, he would discover a charred hellhole staffed by a flame-wreathed, red-eyed man named The Devil. A surprising number of people decided to order drinks anyway.

Now, I figure The Devil knows how to throw a loving party. He doesn't just chuck a case of beer on the counter and call it quits, right? So whenever someone ordered a drink, I would mix together some hard liquor (usually vodka and rum), spritz in some welding fuel, and use a syringe to transfer some of my own blood to the glass, creating an unholy devilblood cocktail. Occasionally I would poo and pee in the glass as well, adding Jenkem to the list of Terrible Things Nobody Should Drink that were in the concoction.

Despite the fact that I did all of this gross poo poo in plain sight, just about everybody would take the drat thing and drink it anyway. Contrary to common sense, drinking that horrible sludge didn't really have any major negative effects, aside from moderate drunkenness and perhaps a mild Jenkem addiction. What's significant is that the welding fuel would remain in the imbiber's system for a while - and, party animal that he was, The Devil didn't skimp on the welding fuel.

Most rounds, this all amounted to nothing more than an overeager assistant spraying me with an extinguisher, putting out my hellfire, and incurring the wrath of Satan. But on one fateful round, the Botanist left a shitload of weed in the bar for everyone to enjoy. Paper was found, joints were rolled, someone produced an igniter, and then it was time to spark up.

The bar turned into a loving inferno. Some of the crew stopped, dropped, and rolled like sensible people, while others tried to flee in a drunken fiery panic, which was hilarious to watch because the really drunk ones had scrambled controls and would stagger around in random directions while screaming "Ooooohhhh ggggoooodddd!!" Throughout all of this, The Devil stood at his bar, unharmed by the omnipresent cloud of fire, and laughed uproariously while mainlining vodka.

I don't think anybody died, but some people probably came close. Things just got funnier later on, as Engineering failed to do its job and the station's power went out of whack. Power surges caused lights to explode, and the drinkers who'd left before the fire got hit by the sparks, had the fuel still in their bodies ignite, and promptly immolated their surroundings while screaming in uncomprehending terror. It was Hell on Earth. It was also, to be honest, completely hysterical.

I don't do that anymore, partly because it's kind of a dick move, partly because it gets old fast, and partly because an admin got pretty annoyed with me (but he was cool enough to settle for my promise not to do it anymore). Even so, though, I'll be damned if it wasn't some of the funniest poo poo I'd ever seen.



Don't accept medical treatment from The Devil: diabolic possession for fun and profit

There used to be an SS13 job called the Head Surgeon, which entailed being in charge of Medbay, the Robotics lab, and the Genetics lab. Roboticists can remove brains from people and put them into robot bodies, creating cyborgs; for this reason, there are usually a couple of Assistants hanging out at the Robotics door, begging to be "borged" so they can be cool robot mans instead of lovely greysuits.

Unbeknownst to many, brains can also be put into different bodies. This really doesn't give you anything except a dead dude with some other dude's brain in his head. However, if you bring that body back to life in some way (either using the Genetics lab to clone it, or using a particular complicated chemical mix to resurrect it with a chance of making it gib instead), the player that controls the new clone is determined by the brain - so you've got Joe Schmoe running around in John Q. Public's body.

The Devil did not go to med school to save lives. He did not study and slave just so he could collect a fat paycheque. The Devil practices medicine because he loves to indulge his scientific curiosity (and because he likes the colour red).

My early forays into brain transplantation went rather well. After a few misfires (the Robotics lab was full of blood, gibs, discarded brains, and rotting bodies with empty skulls), I finally got the hang of it and went looking for a likely victim volunteer. As luck would have it, I found a dead Quartermaster lying around in Medbay, and the body was fresh! I dragged him back to my operating table and excitedly pulled out his brain. Then I plugged it into another relatively intact body I had lying around, slapped the corpse into the cloning tube, and... discovered that he couldn't be cloned because the player had logged out. gently caress!

My appointed lab assistant, a delightfully amoral Engineer with a suspiciously firm grasp of brain surgery, saw a silver lining. He laid out the plan, and before long it was The Devil's turn to lie on the operating table. A few snips later and a brand spanking new Quartermaster was stepping out of the cloning pod, naked as a jaybird and healthy as a horse.

A Quartermaster with The Devil's brain. A Quartermaster who was literally The Devil in disguise.

It took less than three minutes for me to completely embezzle the station's entire Cargo budget and funnel it straight into Robotics research. None of the other Quartermasters batted an eye when they saw their coworker walk in and start using the Cargo Bay computer. They sure did yell a lot when they saw that big fat 0 though. I just quietly continued my experiments while my Roboticist lackeys gleefully spent their vast fortune to research nicer cyborg upgrades. Science is its own reward~


Don't accept medical treatment from The Devil: in space, no one can hear you file a malpractice claim

In a later round, I was eager to continue my highly unethical (read: highly hilarious) work. I promptly shuffled off to Robotics, prepped my surgical tools, and walked to the door to look for vict- oh hey an Assistant! What's up, little guy? You want to be borged? Hmm, I do need someone to donate a brain for a little experiment I'm planning. No, I promise I won't throw your brain in the garbage; you will be alive at the end of this. Yes, I know you want to be a Security cyborg - trust me, you will have a totally new lease on life by the end of this! Step into my office...

Idiot brain in hand, I hurried off to Genetics and grabbed a monkey. Previous tests had proven that it was not possible to resurrect monkeys with human brains, which saddened me, but I had a different objective in mind this time around. I dragged the monkey over to the genetic engineering console, put it into the pod, and used my ~mad science~ knowhow to... improve it. Yes, a beautiful new human body for my eager test subject.

He was not very happy to be revived as a black woman with Justin Bieber hair and a randomized name.

After a lengthy tantrum and a minor physical altercation, I calmed my volunteer down by promising to fix the problem. If she would just step into the genetics pod, it would be quite simple for me to make a few little changes that would resolve her complaints. Mollified, the grumbling lass hopped into the pod, which I promptly locked before randomly rolling my face across the keyboard of the genetics computer, bombarding the subject with mutations willy-nilly for a short time. I unlocked the pod and proudly invited my volunteer to step out and survey the changes.

"gently caress" screamed the black woman, falling to the ground and spasming madly, "What the gently caress did you do to me? PISS."

"Interesting," said The Devil, consulting his medical scanner. "It would appear that you are suffering from epilepsy and Tourette's Syndrome."

"COCK!" asserted the woman. "I'm going to loving kill you!"

This drew a frown. "That is not very polite, madam. I was enjoying our professional relationship, but if you are going to behave in this way, I must ask you to leave. I will simply have to find another assistant."

And that is why an insane homeless epileptic uncontrollably cursing naked black woman spent the rest of the round trying to convince anyone who'd listen that The Devil had stolen her identity.



My god, it's full of butt, part 1: the Cluwne factory

One of the round types in SS13 is Wizard, in which a powerful wizard is tasked with completing several objectives, while the crew must attempt to kill him. Wizards get access to a huge variety of spells, but can only choose four of them from the list at the start of the round; these are the spells they are limited to for the whole round.

One such spell is Curse of the Cluwne (at least, I think that's what it's called). This spell is generally considered a choice for "advanced" wizard players, since it has an extremely long cooldown, only targets one opponent, and can only be used at melee range, making it quite risky to use. It's still a popular spell, though, as it is far and away the griefiest spell of all. The Curse instantly transforms its victim into a Cluwne: a morbidly obese, subhuman, epileptic, brain-damaged, amazingly annoying ur-clown named "the cluwne" and wearing utterly hideous neon green clown clothing that is cursed and therefore cannot be removed. Cluwnes are traditionally marked for death by their non-cursed former comrades, and even when they manage to escape being murdered by an angry mob, they are so loving terrible at everything that their very existence is torment and they commonly wind up begging for death since their incredible incompetence can actually make it difficult for them to successfully commit suicide.

I have played in quite a few Wizard rounds, but one still sticks out as my absolute favourite. The wizard went on a Cluwney rampage that was funny as hell on its own, but the actions of one enterprising Roboticist turned the round from "hilarious" to "oh jesus my sides I'm dying over here" in no time flat. This ambitious soul retrieved a murdered Cluwne and dragged it back to his lab; ordinarily this would be a reason for the Cluwne to rejoice, since a Cluwne brain can still function perfectly normally if transferred into a cyborg, granting the player a new lease on life.

The Roboticist did not borg the Cluwne. He had other plans. Butt plans.

The deceased sad-clown was delivered to Genetics, where the Roboticist and a Geneticist entered into collusion. Now two people were in on the butt plans.

I have no idea what madness they got up to in there, but I do know that the second Roboticist was put on Butt Duty, bringing the known number of butt plan conspirators up to at least three. It is also likely that a delivery man was involved so as to speed the process along, as Butt Duty was a full-time job. All those butts had to come from somewhere, however:

They were cloning Cluwnes.


My god, it's full of butt, part 2: the buttening

The mastermind behind it all sat contentedly at his operating table and worked with astounding assembly-line efficiency. Behind him was a locker with a seemingly limitless number of twitching, honking, weeping Cluwnes stuffed into it; he would grab a Cluwneclone, slap it onto the table, neatly slice off its butt, indifferently cut out its brain, hurl the dead body and retarded brain down the disposal chute while he set the butt to one side, and repeat. The man on Butt Duty would then grab the Cluwne butt and slap a robot arm onto it, creating a Buttbot, a butt on wheels that served no purpose except to be a butt and say the word "butt."

The efficiency and hard work of the Butt Conspiracy paid off, and before long Medbay was entirely crammed with Buttbots, to the point where the entire area was rendered non-functional and impassable due to the surging ocean of little wheeled cyberbutts happily beeping "butt" in a tinny chorus. But(t) crowding was not the issue - Buttbots do one thing aside from simply say "butt" now and again. When a Buttbot hears someone speak, it has a chance to repeat what was said, with "butt" substituted in place of random words.

This became an issue when the Captain strolled into Medbay and was aghast at its sorry state. "What the gently caress is going on here?" he shouted.

The Buttbots chirped up in a gleeful, deafening chorus. "What the butt is butt on here?" "Butt the gently caress butt going on butt?" "What butt butt is going butt here?" and so on and so forth, in a disorienting wave of auditory butt. This infuriated the Captain further, but his hollering and order-giving only further excited the Buttbots, making it totally impossible for anyone nearby to hear what was said or get any idea of what the gently caress was going on amidst the titanic cacophony of butt. The Captain flew into a rage and decided to destroy all of the Buttbots, but he forgot that they leave smears of poo when destroyed; it was not long before he slipped head-over-heels and wound up prone and stunned in a puddle of human excrement, cursing relentlessly while the legion of Buttbots around him babbled back page upon page upon page of buttified imitation.

Seeing this, some jokester took a radio, turned on its microphone so that it would publicly broadcast anything it picked up, and tossed it into the room.

Well, poo poo, now nobody could hear anything. Every radio on the station became a hellish noise cannon, blasting out an incomprehensible wall of recursive butt laced with garbled cursing and butt-riddled mockeries of the crew's anguished cries for silence. At some point a bunch of the Buttbots came within hearing distance of the Cluwneclone closet; this is significant because Cluwnes will randomly and uncontrollably burst into fits of screamed honking. There were dozens of Cluwnes in that thing, and their eerie wails of HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK soon became a HONK HONK butt HONK butt blared forth from uncountable Buttbot speakers, received by the radio and broadcast throughout the station, magnifying upon itself until it was quite literally impossible to divine the slightest scrap of understanding from the game's text box as it was choked by dozens of pages of recursive buttspam per second. The Captain was helpless to stop it. The Roboticists were churning out Buttbots faster than he could destroy them, leaving him effectively stranded in the middle of the deafening, butt-packed hell that had once been Medbay.

I don't even know what the gently caress happened to that wizard, and I don't care. He was not the true villain of that round. The Robutticists were.

ravenkult
Feb 3, 2011


oh god it's that tired as gently caress SS13 poo poo again

Dirk the Average
Feb 7, 2012

"This may have been a mistake."

ravenkult posted:

oh god it's that tired as gently caress SS13 poo poo again

If you don't at least crack a smile while reading those you are a broken human being.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

ravenkult posted:

oh god it's that tired as gently caress SS13 poo poo again

yeah man, gently caress that guy for posting content that isn't boring FPS videos

"guys GUYS I shot a bunch of flares and lagged the game for everyone! Epic grief!!"

SS13 and oldschool MMO griefs are the funniest things in the thread, gently caress tha haters.

Dabir
Nov 10, 2012

Archonex posted:

Rolling on loot to be a shithead is kind of like someone trashing someone's construction in Minecraft. It's a low effort grief that's about as easy to do as it is unfunny.

Possibly. But then winning it, and equipping the loot right in front of the guy? That's class griefing.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




ravenkult posted:

oh butt it's that tired butt gently caress butt poo poo again

Kraven Moorhed
Jan 5, 2006

So wrong, yet so right.

Soiled Meat

Junpei Hyde posted:

ravenkult posted:

butt butt it's butt tired butt gently caress butt poo poo again

Haystack
Jan 23, 2005





Willfrey posted:

The doom peel was great, but not really a grief.

I like the stories of how a few mods on goonstation went to other SS13 servers that were FAR more strict and rp focused, and some of the ridiculous crap they would ban you for, like calling catboys catbeasts and screaming in fear when you saw one. Banned for racism.

I am sure I am butchering the story but it is deeply buried in the SS13 thread, or possibly the goonstation forums

This one?

Dr. Cogworks posted:

Welp, I got myself permabanned from another strict-RP server.





Captain's Log
Edgar T. Bumblechumps

Oh boy, a new day on a new station, and I'm picked to be the captain of it all! There's a nice white ceremonial outfit and beret in my closet. It's a good day to be fancy. Dressed to the nines, my first act as Captain is to declare an official Assistant Appreciation Day. A security guard broadcasts "The captain is named Edgar T... Bumblechumps? What the gently caress? Really?"

For this rudeness, I take the donuts from the brig. A guard sees me in the security office and yells at me to get out, I show them my captain ID and they start custom emoting something about how hard they'll come down on me if I don't leave. Fine, gently caress them. I take the donuts to the library and offer them to the assistants as part of Assistant Appreciation Day. No assistants showed up, I joke that all assistants are now wanted for arrest for being rude. Many responses return of "you can't arrest them for that, is that a joke? don't joke about space law!! u are a poo poo captain!!"

I then proceeded to the bar and notice a delicious pie in the chef's window. I eat said pie. Chef starts screaming about his pie disappearing while it was cooling. I say over the radio that it must have been the bartender (one of those dumb whitelist catperson furries), who starts yelling "Ra'ja not take pie! Ra'ja not eat pie! Bad captain eat pie!" Four guards, the detective and the HoS show up to investigate this pie theft. The bartender and chef accuse me, I call it a horrible conspiracy. Multiple security guards start custom-emote cracking their knuckles or tapping their batons. As captain, I declare the case closed. As I leave, I hear them arguing over the security channel about whether they should put me on trial and have me stripped of command for eating that pie.

Later I'm walking around checking out some stuff around the bridge. I bump into the AI upload door and it opens, but the guard who threatened me earlier sees that and starts screaming bloody murder about it. Every guard and station head shows up, everyone screams at me for opening that door without consulting everyone first. CE starts threatening yelling that she'll beat the poo poo out of me if she ever sees me in any room without a good reason again. I recommend that they all go relax at the beach area for a bit. My suggestion is not heeded.

I return to my office and notice a maint door near my bed. This leads to the teleporter. While I'm in there, someone starts trying to hack the door open from the other side. I report this over the radio, grab the hand tele and hop to an interesting sounding beacon - the comms sat. One of the mean guards gets angry that I've "broken into the teleporter", finds my prints on the door I just used and starts bragging about how he finally has a real crime to bust me for, sabotaging station equipment! Until the detective points out that the captain obviosly has access to that door and there are electrician's glove fibers around the scene.

Feeling hungry after all that nonsense, I swing by the hallway in front of the kitchen. There's a window there where the chef can set food out for everyone who passes by. I take a loaf of bread, the chef starts screaming that I stole it. I become visibly fat and the security team demands that I be arrested and stripped of command for theft. The HoS tells them she'll deal with me personally and just talk it out.

One of the other station heads now demands my presence in the head meeting room. I show up, they all ask me if I know anything about the missing hand teleporter. Yep! I have it, why didn't they ask sooner? The CE yells a lot about this, that I've stolen expensive equipment for no reason or something. The HoS informs the security team that she fears a civil war is brewing. Security suggests overthrowing me again.

To try and make amends with security, I requisition a pumpkin from Botany, much to their anger, and deliver it to the HoS. I tell her it's a real prize-winning pumpkin, a present for her hard work and level-headedness. She accepts the pumpkin, I leave, the other three guards in the room and the warden are all outraged and start talking a lot of poo poo about how they can't wait to permabrig me.

At this point, I receive a PDA message from the Chief Medical Officer informing me that the catpeople are all in the library being suspicious. I head to the library and ask them to shoo. They take serious offense at me calling them "mangy catbeasts" and tell security. Security threatens to arrest and report me for racism, someone threatens to adminhelp me and have me gibbed. About half the crew is now absolutely livid that I called the furry players "catbeasts." Many threats are issued.

I wander into Robotics to find them working on some mech suits. A security guard was tailing me, sees a mech near me that I guess is fairly dangerous, and now every goddamned security guard show up yet again to scream at the roboticists for building mechswithout getting security's rubber stamp approval. They confiscate the mech suit and take it to the armory. I suggest that we sell the suit to get rid of it, the warden reports me and writes it into my criminal record. More threats, more angry custom emotes are given.

I run into the quartermasters, they ask me what the hell I'm doing, I offer them a secret mission. "A secret mission? What?" 'Yep. Here's your secret mission: have a great day.' 'Uhhhh....' Someone starts yelling over the security frequency about a botanist violently attacking a guard with some nettles. I pull out my egun to chase them off, everyone starts screaming that I have my gun out at code blue security levels and this is a total outrage or something. While this was going on, the Chief Medical Officer wrote "catbeests" somewhere on the station in crayon, security found it, and the whole security team agrees that I must have done it and this was the last straw.

Returning to QM, the quartermasters seem to have taken their mission to heart and have chilled out a bit. They ask me if I've heard all the poo poo being said on the radio about me, and express their concern at all the treats of mutiny. In appreciation for their concerns, I offer them a deal... if I can reclaim the Giygas mech suit from beneath the warden's gaze in the armory, I'll let them keep all the proceeds from selling it. They claim this will earn about $20k and they're quite happy to be part of this deal.

So I set up the teleporter, head to the armory, sneak in a side door and steal the gigantic scary-looking armed mech suit through a portal. Amusingly enough, it fits into a locker, which I deliver to the QMs. They dutifully sell it. The warden finds out that the mech is missing. This causes a huge outburst, the HoS orders everyone to start packing laser weapons. I am immediately blamed for it. Lethal force is authorized against me over the radio channels I can still easily hear, so I suit up for space and disappear myself to another zlevel. A full mutiny against me has now been declared by almost all the other station heads and security.

I use my PDA to set the station terminals to read "~no catbeasts allowed~" and people start yelling in OOC about it. After floating around in space for a bit with spacesuited security trying to find me, I stumble across a soviet outpost... which conveniently has a newscast terminal.

-Breaking News: The Handsome and Dashing Captain Edgar T. Bumblechumps finds his dream of being chosen Captain of the Year dashed by a full-scale insurrecton from his own guards . Catbeasts roam the halls, defying God and nature alike. In these dark times, crew, always remember that Captain Bumblechumps loves you. Stay strong, friends! [Story by Edgar T. Bumblechumps (Captain)]

-THEY AREN'T CATBEASTS [Story by Random Crewmember]

-omfg stop insulting the tarajan they aren't cats!!!!! [Story by Someone Else]

(My first newscast gets erased by security)

-Breaking News: Beloved Man of the People, Edgar T. Bumblechumps finds his recent story redacted by cruel censors. Free speech advocates all around the system react in outrage at this suppression of the free press. A catbeast conspiracy? Stay tuned. [Story by Edgar T. Bumblechumps (Captain)]

ATTENTION: This channel has been deemed as threatening to the welfare of the station, and marked with a Nanotrasen D-Notice. No further feed story additions are allowed while the D-Notice is in effect.

Someone now issues a station-wide command alert about how I'm wanted for treason, dereliction of duty, behavior unbecoming of an officer and a bunch of other poo poo. The shuttle gets called because of this. I sneak my way back to the station level and float around waving at the crew through the windows and offering them my friendship. Many rudely rebuff me. I escape by myself in a pod with most of the crew still wanting me dead.

OOC: (the warden) I CAn'T BELIEVE I HAD TO SHUT OFF THE WHOLE NEWSCAST SYSTEM BECAUSE OF ONE PERSON

OOC: (some other guard) that loving captain was awful!!! awful round!

OOC: (the chef): The captain stole my pies, and food.And burgers.

This morning, Reinhardt T. Bumblechumps, brother of Edgar gets a chance at captain.
Trying to sell the station corgi out the QM dock had tragic results, so to atone for this I took the corgi's body to the chapel. Security immediately turned on me, I broke into the vault and dragged the unarmed useless nuke around on a parade around the station to instill some patriotism.

YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED
Reason: Killed Ian and dragged him around, stole station with RCD and dragged nuke around, etc etc -- sorry! Expires: PERMENANT


:smith:

Segmentation Fault
Jun 7, 2012
Short SS13 story I witnessed: The hydroponics part of the station allows botanists to grow their own plants. There's also a genetics-splicing machine that lets you splice different plants together to get seeds for a new plant with interesting results (e.g. splicing tobacco with tomatoes to make tomacco). The splicer lets you name the seeds whatever you want, but in an oversight the developers forgot to put a limit on how long you can make a seed's name.

Of course, someone figured this out, and named their seeds the entire first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. This goes from "slightly amusing" to "holy poo poo obnoxious" when you understand that whenever an object is interacted with in any way, the interaction shows up in the event log. Even something as innocuous as taking something out of a backpack becomes "Bob Johnson removes the Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense..."

Similar results were achieved with the John Galt speech and I believe the Welsh constitution before admins cut that poo poo out real quick and the bug was patched the next day.

Bonk
Aug 4, 2002

Douche Baggins

-Troika- posted:

This guy tries his best to complete a stage in Super Kaizo World, a ridiculously hard Super Mario World romhack, at the instigation of some of his viewers.

The presence of the coins at the end makes me think there must be a hidden switch block somewhere, right? Or is the last bit just purposely pure evil?

Klungar
Feb 12, 2008

Klungo make bessst ever video game, 'Hero Klungo Sssavesss Teh World.'

Bonk posted:

The presence of the coins at the end makes me think there must be a hidden switch block somewhere, right? Or is the last bit just purposely pure evil?

There is, he finds it in Part 2. The grief is you get through the entire level and to the finish line, have the ecstasy of beating it, then realize you've actually still lost one second before the after-credits complete.

Dabir
Nov 10, 2012

The really evil traps have a stretch of bricks after the coins, so you have to time hitting the exit perfectly after the switch or you'll die anyway.

Carebearz
May 6, 2008

CARE BEAR STARE

:regd10:

Archonex posted:

Rolling on loot to be a shithead is kind of like someone trashing someone's construction in Minecraft. It's a low effort grief that's about as easy to do as it is unfunny.

poo poo, more often than not people just assume you're a greedy dick rather than an unfunny one. Which means that they won't even react to it. Since for a long time a lot of the "drama" in WoW was over people teaming up and being best buds up until that one rare item dropped. At which point the knives would come out and people would start posting all sorts of inane poo poo on the forums after everyone just "happened" to misclick and roll need at the same time.

It's a good example of that "Hell is other people." saying, though. Part of the grind in old school MMO's was that everyone was going to be a cutthroat motherfucker about loot the second it became "profitable" to do so. And every guild that could do the content at the end game tier was basically an insular circle jerk trying to find new and increasingly obtuse ways to justify hoarding purps for the higher ups/inner clique. It was like EVE, but somehow even more insular and pathetic once you realized what was going on.

The drama over loot did occasionally produce some amazing meltdowns on the forums though. Which promptly looped back around to being unfunny when a bunch of stories broke of hardcore grinding types over in Asia tracking down and murdering people over stolen loot/other similar crap. :stare:


Edit: Some of the forum meltdowns might be pretty good to post here, at least. I think the WoW forum reps actually trolled the playerbase a few times after it became apparent how loving terrible they were. And I think at least one had a meltdown and basically went apeshit on the players being annoyingly whiny nerds before quitting.

See, this guy gets it.

Magres
Jul 14, 2011

Segmentation Fault posted:

Short SS13 story I witnessed: The hydroponics part of the station allows botanists to grow their own plants. There's also a genetics-splicing machine that lets you splice different plants together to get seeds for a new plant with interesting results (e.g. splicing tobacco with tomatoes to make tomacco). The splicer lets you name the seeds whatever you want, but in an oversight the developers forgot to put a limit on how long you can make a seed's name.

Of course, someone figured this out, and named their seeds the entire first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. This goes from "slightly amusing" to "holy poo poo obnoxious" when you understand that whenever an object is interacted with in any way, the interaction shows up in the event log. Even something as innocuous as taking something out of a backpack becomes "Bob Johnson removes the Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense..."

Similar results were achieved with the John Galt speech and I believe the Welsh constitution before admins cut that poo poo out real quick and the bug was patched the next day.

Reminds me of the Crashwich story.

One of the hobbies and pasttimes of SS13 is fractal cooking - you can deep fry something, bake it into a cake, slice up the cake, use the pieces to make a sandwich, deep fry the sandwich, bake it into a cake, slice up the cake, so on and so forth (I might have the exact process wrong) with the name growing ever longer and self-repeating. At some point, someone made a sandwich with a name so long that it crashed the clients of anyone that looked at it.

After some people got crashed, admins were called in to delete the infernal thing and when they tried, it crashed their clients too. It got bad enough that they had to just cut the round short and reboot the server to clear it. The admins fought the crashwich and the crashwich won :stare:

m2pt5
May 18, 2005

THAT GOD DAMN MOSQUITO JUST KEEPS COMING BACK
Wasn't there some SS13 story about baking guns into pies and using them in traps, causing people to (effectively) shoot themselves?

Demicol
Nov 8, 2009

I don't understand why WoW allows you to roll need on items you can't use. I played FFXIV a ton before checking out WoW and in it you can't roll need if your current class can't use the item. I won playtime for WoW so I checked it out with a friend who has been playing it forever and when I rolled need on a potion he told me in a really condescending tone that you're supposed to roll greed on potions.

pray for my aunt
Feb 13, 2012

14980c8b8a96fd9e279796a61cf82c9c

m2pt5 posted:

Wasn't there some SS13 story about baking guns into pies and using them in traps, causing people to (effectively) shoot themselves?

It's a long setup, but the end result is you open a door and a trap somewhere unrelated on the station flings a pie at a monkey and you have a 1/6 chance of your head exploding.

Kite Pride Worldwide
Apr 20, 2009


Demicol posted:

I don't understand why WoW allows you to roll need on items you can't use. I played FFXIV a ton before checking out WoW and in it you can't roll need if your current class can't use the item. I won playtime for WoW so I checked it out with a friend who has been playing it forever and when I rolled need on a potion he told me in a really condescending tone that you're supposed to roll greed on potions.

Roll need on everything. You need it to sell for gold, right? :shepface:

Archenteron
Nov 3, 2006

:marc:

Magres posted:

Reminds me of the Crashwich story.

One of the hobbies and pasttimes of SS13 is fractal cooking - you can deep fry something, bake it into a cake, slice up the cake, use the pieces to make a sandwich, deep fry the sandwich, bake it into a cake, slice up the cake, so on and so forth (I might have the exact process wrong) with the name growing ever longer and self-repeating. At some point, someone made a sandwich with a name so long that it crashed the clients of anyone that looked at it.

After some people got crashed, admins were called in to delete the infernal thing and when they tried, it crashed their clients too. It got bad enough that they had to just cut the round short and reboot the server to clear it. The admins fought the crashwich and the crashwich won :stare:

You forgot the most important part of it: Someone applied to the crashwich a secret chemical that brings inanimate objects to life, and makes them aggressive. You'd walk into the bar, a sandwich would float towards you, your client would crash from trying to render the "<Massive loving Sandwich Name Here> slams into Joe Pubs!" message, and when you reconnect you're probably dead.

dogstile
May 1, 2012

fucking clocks
how do they work?
Because the game designers didn't think that people would be dicks and when they were they didn't care. Its worked out for the best really.

Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me



Demicol posted:

I don't understand why WoW allows you to roll need on items you can't use. I played FFXIV a ton before checking out WoW and in it you can't roll need if your current class can't use the item. I won playtime for WoW so I checked it out with a friend who has been playing it forever and when I rolled need on a potion he told me in a really condescending tone that you're supposed to roll greed on potions.
They patched out being able to roll on items your character can't use like a decade ago.

That rolling greed thing is stupid and varies by server - the one I used to play on the expectation was to roll need on random drops like that because with an "everyone roll greed" system someone inevitably rolls need for some reason and starts a huge pointless derail over some random drop nobody actually needs but feels cheated out of.

Teratrain
Aug 23, 2007
Waiting for Godot
Pretty sure, nowadays at least, if you roll "Need" on a piece of Bind on Equip gear (any of the nice sellable poo poo basically) it automatically binds to you so you can't sell it, except for a pittance of gold to an NPC vendor.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

Enallyniv posted:

Pretty sure, nowadays at least, if you roll "Need" on a piece of Bind on Equip gear (any of the nice sellable poo poo basically) it automatically binds to you so you can't sell it, except for a pittance of gold to an NPC vendor.

Yeah they added that at least five years ago. The really fun thing to do was rolling need on literally every BoE drop because my character was an enchanter and just turning everything to dust right in front of the group.

context: enchanter was a crafting profession (each character could have up to two crafting OR gathering professions) that could add additional stats or effects to gear, but the materials to do so could only be gotten from disenchanting gear, destroying the item but giving you materials (usually in the form of dust or crystals) to cast your enchants. Which means it didn't matter to me if it was bound to me because I wasn't going to sell it in the first place :v:

Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Enallyniv posted:

Pretty sure, nowadays at least, if you roll "Need" on a piece of Bind on Equip gear (any of the nice sellable poo poo basically) it automatically binds to you so you can't sell it, except for a pittance of gold to an NPC vendor.

This is what I remember. Didn't use to be like that though.

The SS13 story that I liked are the demon tub one and the Robin Williams RP which are both super short.

SS13 is hilarious, to me, because I have an imagination and can see it all unfolding if it were a game with decent graphics. It's hilariously detailed with what you can do. I've said it before but I wish I could play it on Mac.

Also, the admin meltdown when someone took away all the resources or something and someone figured out how to make a bomb out of water and potato chips is funny too.

SS13 stories read like mad libs sometimes. The Captain was gunned down by a promiscuous toilet.

Coolguye
Jul 6, 2011

Required by his programming!

Demicol posted:

I checked it out with a friend who has been playing it forever and when I rolled need on a potion he told me in a really condescending tone that you're supposed to roll greed on potions.
Gee whillickers mmo culture is Byzantine and toxic who woulda guessed

Kazinsal
Dec 13, 2011

Demicol posted:

I don't understand why WoW allows you to roll need on items you can't use. I played FFXIV a ton before checking out WoW and in it you can't roll need if your current class can't use the item. I won playtime for WoW so I checked it out with a friend who has been playing it forever and when I rolled need on a potion he told me in a really condescending tone that you're supposed to roll greed on potions.

I have never played an MMO with a community as condescendingly assholish as World of Warcraft.

I've been enjoying the poo poo out of FFXIV because it's not full of complete and utter pricks. You can actually have fun in a pub dungeon.

Instruction Manuel
May 15, 2007

Yes, it is what it looks like!

Kazinsal posted:

I have never played an MMO with a community as condescendingly assholish as World of Warcraft.

I've been enjoying the poo poo out of FFXIV because it's not full of complete and utter pricks. You can actually have fun in a pub dungeon.

Fun in an MMO? With pubs even. Fuckin gross.

Doodles
Apr 14, 2001
Destiny is Bungie's newest game that combines the fun of MMO grinding with the pleasure of a typical FPS community. And by "fun and pleasure" I mean "pain and soul-crushing boredom." Players perform missions and raids to improve gear for the next raid or to make themselves more effective in teabagging during PvP, all the while convincing themselves that the story and lore are rich and deep when it reads like someone used search & replace on a 70's pulp sci-fi paperback.* In other words, it's try-hard heaven.

The latest expansion to the game, The Taken King, came out at the start of September 2015 and along side of adding additional missions and more gear that made all your old stuff worthless and thus requiring you start the grind all over again, it added a new raid called The King's Fall. At one point, you have to ride up in this column of light like an elevator to get to the next stage. Now the tank class for Destiny is called a Titan (like I said, 70's pulp all the way) and one of the special attacks available is a slam that hits all enemies around it for huge damage. Normally you can't hurt your own teammates with it, but when you do it in this elevator you get the following results:

(You may wish to turn your sound off, or just skip to around 1:25 to skip most of the talk.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziEixygyeOI

tl:dr version - Destiny Titan uses slam attack in King's Fall elevator, killing two and getting two others stuck inside. Looking forward to hearing the technique used during every pick-up group until it gets fixed.

*It doesn't help that Bungie completely ignored the basic rule of "show, don't tell" and requires you to read off pages of guff from a separate website to find out all the lore. Did I mention this is a console-only game? So you either have to look it up later on a PC or use the lovely browsers built into your console. Game devs are better at trolling their clientele than any player ever will be.

Doodles fucked around with this message at 19:11 on Sep 30, 2015

Yardbomb
Jul 11, 2011

What's with the eh... bretonnian dance, sir?

The lore stuff's neat at times for sci-fi junk, it's just a pity that Bungie are pretty dumb totally griefed everyone and made you need to read it online instead of just slapping a "Journal" tab in. You can probably blame it on the development including last-gen consoles though, apparently those are in a near-constant state of just blowing apart at the seams trying to handle everything.

Yardbomb fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Sep 30, 2015

Dizz
Feb 14, 2010


L :dva: L
SS13 is a grief in itself. such a simple game where trying to eat a banana ends with the results of me stabbing myself in the eye and then eating the entire banana, peel and all.

Mom with a blog
Jul 15, 2009

Comedy is basically self-deprecation.
re: SS13, Catbeasts

Tekopo
Oct 24, 2008

When you see it, you'll shit yourself.


Oh poo poo, you made something up on the fly for an RP server, he really got you!

Dillbag
Mar 4, 2007

Click here to join Lem Lee in the Hell Of Being Cut To Pieces
Nap Ghost
The SS13 stories can be funny and grief-y, like the cake named the entire first chapter of the first Harry Potter book that crashed everyone's computer, but "I played the game as intended and something funny happened" ≠ griefing.

President Ark
May 16, 2010

:iiam:

Antlions posted:

It's a long setup, but the end result is you open a door and a trap somewhere unrelated on the station flings a pie at a monkey and you have a 1/6 chance of your head exploding.

Yeah, pretty much. The gist of it is:

1. There's a gun on the station which is "the russian revolver". It's a gun that you can't use on anyone else; attempting to do so results in you playing russian roulette, with a 1/6 chance of you killing yourself.
2. Items can be baked into cream pies, clown-style. If you throw a pie at someone with an item in it, it counts as you using the item on that person. This is occasionally used to do things like "inject dude with poison from a syringe from across the bar".
3. It is possible to set up mechanisms to do things remotely, including throwing items. Importantly, the trigger of "who threw this item" is "whoever set off the mechanism".

So you bake the RR into a pie, set it up to some gizmos such that when someone does X, it throws it at a monkey. End result: 5/6th of the time nothing happens, the remaining 1/6th the person's head explodes as a bullet teleports into their skull from across the station due to pie magic. :science:

cage-free egghead
Mar 8, 2004

Doodles posted:

(You may wish to turn your sound off, or just skip to around 1:25 to skip most of the talk.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziEixygyeOI

Haha this guy.

We beat him and his streaming buddies up in a game of Titanfall and he ragequit, whined about it and then said "Heh, I play games for a living and have an incredibly hot wife...". We got pwned.

tomanton
May 22, 2006

beam me up, tomato
I got sick of year-old raw gmod TTT griefs taking up 70 GB on my hard drive and made a bunch of videos. One or two are inside jokes but the rest are of children being bullied/hit in the face with barrels and need no explaination

Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Doodles posted:

Destiny is Bungie's newest game that combines the fun of MMO grinding with the pleasure of a typical FPS community. And by "fun and pleasure" I mean "pain and soul-crushing boredom." Players perform missions and raids to improve gear for the next raid or to make themselves more effective in teabagging during PvP, all the while convincing themselves that the story and lore are rich and deep when it reads like someone used search & replace on a 70's pulp sci-fi paperback.* In other words, it's try-hard heaven.

The latest expansion to the game, The Taken King, came out at the start of September 2015 and along side of adding additional missions and more gear that made all your old stuff worthless and thus requiring you start the grind all over again, it added a new raid called The King's Fall. At one point, you have to ride up in this column of light like an elevator to get to the next stage. Now the tank class for Destiny is called a Titan (like I said, 70's pulp all the way) and one of the special attacks available is a slam that hits all enemies around it for huge damage. Normally you can't hurt your own teammates with it, but when you do it in this elevator you get the following results:

(You may wish to turn your sound off, or just skip to around 1:25 to skip most of the talk.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziEixygyeOI

tl:dr version - Destiny Titan uses slam attack in King's Fall elevator, killing two and getting two others stuck inside. Looking forward to hearing the technique used during every pick-up group until it gets fixed.

*It doesn't help that Bungie completely ignored the basic rule of "show, don't tell" and requires you to read off pages of guff from a separate website to find out all the lore. Did I mention this is a console-only game? So you either have to look it up later on a PC or use the lovely browsers built into your console. Game devs are better at trolling their clientele than any player ever will be.

This makes me want to level my Titan immediately to do this with pubbies.

The Fattest PI
Mar 4, 2008
Like 10 years ago in Natural Selection there were some combat servers that ran scripts that let you level up way past what the game normally lets you, allowing you to boost different things to absurd levels and get new abilities. In that game the biggest alien bad guy, the Onos had an ability that would eat another player and they'd have to stare at a picture of your guts/rear end in a top hat while they digested to death or got shot free. Made people mad, because you could grab their heavy armor badass dudes and just gulp em down and make em wait for like 50 seconds to get digested.

Anyways in the script/modded combat servers I would rush onos and get abilities that made him super fast and armored, so I'd take this fuckin giant alien rhino thing that was normally slow as poo poo and fly through the level and just gulp down a random pubby from their base and fly back to my base to safely digest him while my future poop said mean things in chat.

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Soulex
Apr 1, 2009


Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

I Killed British - My future poop said mean things in chat

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