BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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Kouerson: Mar 5, 2008; If you die in Canada, you die in real life.

The Pies can beat anyone with the power of Dingermania.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 09:11

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# ? May 29, 2024 23:40

Robert Deadford: Mar 1, 2008; Ultra Carp

I really don't know what's wrong with the Dragons this season, but I think it is entirely my fault after I traded away some key pieces before SL16. I am going to try to fix it, and I'm not bothered if we get demoted. I'm not too bothered if we get liquidated in the Gauntlet at some point.

So, after the next SL update, the Dragons will be going back to SL15, when anything was possible.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 12:10

Archie Goodwin: Jan 2, 2012; Using intelligence guided by experience since 1934.

The Gumshoes select

Jim Thome.

Please DL poor Ed Morgan. Send down Super League Hero Brian Downing. Gabby Hartnett starts at catcher, except Campanella is Newcombe's PC. The Colossus of Clout moves to LF, Ott to RF. Thome and Molitor are the 1B platoon. Snider and Ashburn the CF platoon.

Reset the Rotation to:

SP1 Ol' Pete
SP2 Blyleven
SP3 Cone
SP4 Drysdale
SP5 Newcombe

Thanks very much.

Grinnblade is up in the draft.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 15:02

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Milt Thompson posted:

I really don't know what's wrong with the Dragons this season, but I think it is entirely my fault after I traded away some key pieces before SL16. I am going to try to fix it, and I'm not bothered if we get demoted. I'm not too bothered if we get liquidated in the Gauntlet at some point.

So, after the next SL update, the Dragons will be going back to SL15, when anything was possible.

I'm bothered by demoting you, bringing up another Sub-Par team, and then the Dragons winning 100 games in the Sub-Par League, and the Sub-Par team losing 100 games in the Super-League.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 17:51

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

The Dragons have a worse record right now than any team that was promoted! The evidence is clear. Also I want to make a New Hoss.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 17:57

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

I'm bothered by demoting you, bringing up another Sub-Par team, and then the Dragons winning 100 games in the Sub-Par League, and the Sub-Par team losing 100 games in the Super-League.

Really, it's just an inherent problem of the demotion process. We all know the Rakers and the Eazy W's would loving destroy the Sub-Par even worse than the Dragons, and the Crows would probably be solid enough to have guaranteed dominance in the form of about 95 games won as well. Sometimes, you just get a surprisingly competitive division with four solid teams, but one has to get demoted eventually. It's easier in the Bundesliga, where demotion of a solid team only means that most teams in the second league will just hang around for another season, not die horribly like in the Sub-Par League.

On the other hand, I think most people can also agree that the no-DH league of the Sub-Par is rather starved of powerful teams - I'm still not willing to accept the Highlanders as anything but an aberration on par with the Stoned Lightning and their EC triumph - so chances are good there's going to be some team that gets stomped like the Wizards, Winners, Wonderfuls and others. Stuff happens.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 18:07

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

I'm bothered by demoting you, bringing up another Sub-Par team, and then the Dragons winning 100 games in the Sub-Par League, and the Sub-Par team losing 100 games in the Super-League.

People thought the Mikes would dominate the Subpar, but they're in 2nd in a pretty competitive division. It's not unreasonable that Monathin could win it, or Mornacale if he gets a lot of luck.

Winning 100+ games in the Subpar lately has meant you can compete for your division in the Super-League. The RCMP and Jobbers are doing fine. If the Dragons could win 100 in the Subpar, they wouldn't have only won 76 last season and be struggling like they are now.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 18:11

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

The Space Fish were a good-not-great Subpar team and would be incredibly lucky to finish at .500 in the Super League. It's a HUGE talent gap.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 18:39

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

I just want the Mexicutioners to not die :unsmith:

# ? Oct 8, 2015 18:45

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

FairGame posted:

The Space Fish were a good-not-great Subpar team and would be incredibly lucky to finish at .500 in the Super League. It's a HUGE talent gap.

"Good" is more charitable than I would be.

We're not talking about teams with an 82-80 pythag here.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 19:11

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

If the talent gap between the Sub-Par League and the Super-League is that worrisome, I would suggest closing that gap a bit. One idea:

A Sub-Par team that gets promoted to the Super-League gets a free player of Smasher or McFreeze's choice - not a MACHINE-level player, but a bona fide star that is intended to shore up the team's weaknesses ("Oh, I see you need a better catcher. Here, have a better catcher"). To discourage attempts to blow a season to drop back down to Sub-Par so that you can repeatedly stock up on bonus players, these gift players leave the team if the team drops back down to Sub-Par, and they cannot be traded.

In effect, this would give newly-promoted teams a little bonus to make them more competitive, ensure that they try their best to stay up in the SL in order to not lose their bonus player, and help smooth out the talent differential that appears to be causing such concern.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 20:13

StupidSexyMothman: Aug 9, 2010

Give them a draft pick, I say, if the differential is that great. They can get one player for it or they can trade it for several, depending on what best suits the team.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 20:22

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

oldskool posted:

Give them a draft pick, I say, if the differential is that great. They can get one player for it or they can trade it for several, depending on what best suits the team.

Doesn't that already happen?

# ? Oct 8, 2015 20:25

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Yes, the teams that advance get a pick at the end of the 3rd round. Which is usually a very good, starting-worthy player, but not a superstar. Just like DCB suggested. I think I used my pick to trade for Dan Brouthers, who has fits the mold of "very very good, but not a 1st-round level guy".

Maybe someone with more free time than me could analyze how teams that advance from the subpar fare. I'd imagine they do better than teams that win the EC.

# ? Oct 8, 2015 20:31

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

If the talent gap between the Sub-Par League and the Super-League is that worrisome

Eh.

XIII
CAC - Put in the Mark Bellhorn Death Division. Got murdered.
GVW - Hung around for a while. Continue to exist to all of our dismay.
DRC - Hung around the midcard before finally being demoted this year.
NOW - Dead.

XIV
AKA - Competed in the Goodtimes, but got sent down despite winning 81 games. Good chance to go back up this season.
GLA - Still competitive in Vae Victis today.
SDA - Won a ridiculous number of games in Sic Transit Vir last season. Subject to the vagaries of Cristobal Torriente.
DEW - Still in Memento Mori midcard.

XV
ANT - Almost didn't come in last place. Now dying.
CHS - gently caress off.
MON - At .500 right now in Memento Mori.
APE - Took Smasher's deal. Sad.

XVI
CSF - Were bad, but still not in last place thanks to the Symphony.
RCM - Competing in Sic Transit Vir with great record.
JCJ - Leading Vae Victis!
HID - They were bad once, they're still bad, but they can never die.

A mixed bag, but most teams are good enough, and they seem to be getting better over time.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 03:05

CraigK: Nov 4, 2008; by exmarx

Ice To Meet You posted:

APE - Took Smasher's deal. Sad.

yeah, getting lou gehrig and pete alexander out of it sure does suck. :geno:

still won't help if i eat a fluky gauntlet death but still, i got lou gehrig and pete alexander out of it

CraigK fucked around with this message at 03:11 on Oct 9, 2015

# ? Oct 9, 2015 03:06

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Because the forums were down over the afternoon, I'm pushing back today's update until tomorrow. And the next Sub-Par update until Saturday.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 03:07

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

The easiest way to close the talent gap between the Subpar and Super Leagues is to allow more Subpar teams to survive. The amount of churn basically resets the talent level of the Subpar every season, whereas entrenched SuperLeague teams just get stronger (assuming their owners don't gently caress up). Macho Man-ing one team a season helps keep the power creep in check a little, but not nearly as much as sending 16 teams to the Gauntlet.

There's also an issue with the imbalance between the DH and no-DH leagues, but it seems tough to address that without abolishing divisions in some way. Ultimately, a promotion/relegation system will always exacerbate the downsides of the divisional system, but that's something I don't mind living with because divisions are fun.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 03:25

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Ideas:

1: Maintain the Subpar League at 20 or 24 teams, split into two leagues of two five- or six-team divisions. Institute a wildcard in each league for the best non-division-winning record to also gain promotion. In the SuperLeague, each league has a wildcard for the worst non-division-losing team to be relegated. Send a number of Subpar teams to the Gauntlet equal to the incoming EC class size. Now roughly half the Subpar survives every year and gets a chance at another season of trades/drafts.

2: Incentivize owners to retire old teams. Every offseason, before the Gauntlet, any team that isn't in danger of being Gauntleted can voluntarily retire. Their owner can make a new team in the next EC, and may (for instance) spend one feeder point to keep one player from their old team. Owners who are bored with their teams can shake things up without feeling like they're screwing themselves, while their spots are filled with up-and-comers with big dreams.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 03:53

The Merry Marauder: Apr 4, 2009; "But she goes not abroad, in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own."

Bill McKechnie and Tony La Russa are available to any teams needing that extra competitive edge.

Don't listen to those statheads who might tell you managers don't contribute to victories!

There's also this Phil Garner lying around....

# ? Oct 9, 2015 04:30

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

I'm going to do the sim now. There were already enough pointless roster changes for one week.

Week 15 Injury Report

Alethkar Shardblades
Babe Adams (SP) (NO BABE ADAMS SHALL LIVE) - Out For Season

Aperture Scientists
Harry Heilmann (RF) (Mark Grace time!) - 67 days

Twin Peaks Cherry Pies
Walker Cooper (C) (They were trying to hit Dale) - 30 days

# ? Oct 9, 2015 05:17

CraigK: Nov 4, 2008; by exmarx

Ice To Meet You posted:

I'm going to do the sim now. There were already enough pointless roster changes for one week.

Week 15 Injury Report

Alethkar Shardblades
Babe Adams (SP) (NO BABE ADAMS SHALL LIVE) - Out For Season

Aperture Scientists
Harry Heilmann (RF) (Mark Grace time!) - 67 days

Twin Peaks Cherry Pies
Walker Cooper (C) (They were trying to hit Dale) - 30 days

hell yeah more false hope to my enemies

screw it words are hard. do this. thank you and namaste

CraigK fucked around with this message at 05:26 on Oct 9, 2015

# ? Oct 9, 2015 05:22

PASS THE MASH: Oct 30, 2013

Ice To Meet You posted:

Week 15 Injury Report

Alethkar Shardblades
Babe Adams (SP) (NO BABE ADAMS SHALL LIVE) - Out For Season

DL Adams, call up Al Kaline

This is going to be ugly

New Rotation
1. Al Orth
2. Dutch Leonard
3. Pete Alexander
4. Roy Patterson
5, Chief Bender

Bullpen
CL: Kent Tekulve
SU: Scott Strickland
SR: Robin Roberts
SR: Urban Shocker
MR: Reb Russell
LR: Sam Leever

If anybody would like my SD pick and a Wilbur Cooper or Cecil Travis or something like that after the end of the season in exchange for a higher SD pick let me know.

PASS THE MASH fucked around with this message at 07:10 on Oct 9, 2015

# ? Oct 9, 2015 05:41

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Mornacale posted:

Ideas:

1: Maintain the Subpar League at 20 or 24 teams, split into two leagues of two five- or six-team divisions. Institute a wildcard in each league for the best non-division-winning record to also gain promotion. In the SuperLeague, each league has a wildcard for the worst non-division-losing team to be relegated. Send a number of Subpar teams to the Gauntlet equal to the incoming EC class size. Now roughly half the Subpar survives every year and gets a chance at another season of trades/drafts.

2: Incentivize owners to retire old teams. Every offseason, before the Gauntlet, any team that isn't in danger of being Gauntleted can voluntarily retire. Their owner can make a new team in the next EC, and may (for instance) spend one feeder point to keep one player from their old team. Owners who are bored with their teams can shake things up without feeling like they're screwing themselves, while their spots are filled with up-and-comers with big dreams.

The problem with the first one is that getting demoted, I would guess, I don't actually know since I've never actually owned a team in the Super-League, is probably a pretty demoralizing event, and I really don't want to demote more teams. In terms of how many teams are in the Sub-Par League, it's at 20 now, and making it any bigger means we'd end up with EC classes of five or six teams, which is not great.

As far as retiring old teams, that's a non-starter, and I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever encourage anyone to give up their old teams so they can start a new team. There are roughly 10,000 reasons that I feel this way.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 05:47

Kouerson: Mar 5, 2008; If you die in Canada, you die in real life.

Ice To Meet You posted:

Twin Peaks Cherry Pies
Walker Cooper (C) (They were trying to hit Dale) - 30 days

Shove Ernie Whitt in there and pray for rain.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 08:31

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Smasher Dynamo posted:

The problem with the first one is that getting demoted, I would guess, I don't actually know since I've never actually owned a team in the Super-League, is probably a pretty demoralizing event, and I really don't want to demote more teams. In terms of how many teams are in the Sub-Par League, it's at 20 now, and making it any bigger means we'd end up with EC classes of five or six teams, which is not great.

As far as retiring old teams, that's a non-starter, and I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever encourage anyone to give up their old teams so they can start a new team. There are roughly 10,000 reasons that I feel this way.

My understanding was that the SpL changes size based on the incoming EC class, the proposal is to give it some static size (unless the ECs start getting so big/small that it clearly needs to change). The last I knew, it was falling to 18 next season (which I also hate because it's not divisible by 4), in order to maintain only two teams (besides the promotees) surviving.

Another alternative is to just have a wildcard or two per league (possibly scaling based on league and EC size) that doesn't promote but does dodge the Gauntlet. So this season you'd have 4 promos + 2/4 wildcards + 2 Gauntlet survivors = 8/10 teams get to survive and 12/10 teams get killed. And then the league next season would be 6 relegated SL teams + 2/4 wildcards + 2 Gauntlet survivors + (12-2=) 10 EC teams = 20/22 teams. Though the demise of the Cultists and Losers could throw a wrench in things.

idk, there's just a lot of cool teams in the Subpar that I want to see get a few more drafts/trades under their belt. Though looking back, I wonder whether the issue would be solved substantially with more balanced SpL leagues in terms of talent and thus is transitory.

Aaaanyway, if the goal is to bring the SpL and SL closer together in terms of talent gap, letting a few more Subpar teams survive each season is a good way to do it.

Or force every SL division winner to face the Macho Men :unsmigghh:

# ? Oct 9, 2015 09:23

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Time for #MathChat. With 12 expansion teams, we would normally need 4 to survive the Gauntlet to maintain a league of 20. But we also have 2 Super-League teams retiring after this season, so it would be 6. But also, the Romneys are MIA and presumed dead, and the Syndicate isn't going to have 2 teams next season as I understand it. That leaves 8 teams to be killed. That's about the lower limit of where I want to go, because at some point you need players for the next EC. Which is what you want, too! So that could possibly happen, but I'll have to think about it.

I would love to have a Sub-Par with 6 divisions of 4, where a team would have to win a playoff round to win promotion. I just don't think we have the numbers for that to be sustainable right now. Maybe in Super-League XXXVIII.

Ice To Meet You fucked around with this message at 15:30 on Oct 9, 2015

# ? Oct 9, 2015 15:28

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Diamond Dogs select 1970 Rod Carew and immediately put him in Red Schoendienst's spot in the lineups/defense.

:siren:

Pungry and the Antarctic Coldplayers are on the clock!

# ? Oct 9, 2015 17:23

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XVII, Week 15: Prime Time

Games of the Week

Don May posted:

MISERY WITHOUT END! MARMOSETS ROMP OVER DRAGONS 10-6

Krakow- The Dragons might be in trouble.

That actually may be an unfair statement. After all, given that the Kobe Crows won the tag titles, and so are exempt from demotion, and the Dragons are now 8.5 games back of the second place W's in their division, it's not so much a question of whether they're in trouble so much as a question of how much trouble they're in.

And today's game certainly didn't help.

With their ace pitcher on the mound, and facing a team with a losing records, the Dragons expected, and needed, the win. This was a game that New Hoss could win, should win, but did not win. For reasons that can only be speculated on, New Hoss had a miserable game, and the Marmosets beat the Dragons 10-6. New Hoss' control, or lack thereof, was especially troubling, as he walked seven Marmosets in six innings, which is too many no matter how many Marmosets you strike out. It was a dispiriting start to the second-half of the season, and one that raises serious questions about how long the Dragons are for the Super-League.

"We recognize our failures when they occur." Robert_Deadford said after the game. "We have failed in the first half of this season, and we have continued to fail as the second half has begun. We cannot deny this lack of success. But nor will we lay the blame for our failures at the feet of anyone else. If our team should fail, then it is our fault that they have failed. We are the king of this team, and with that divine right of rule comes the right, passed on from up high, to lead our team to glory. And we are not leading this team to glory at the moment."

"Of course, as a king, we will have the right to rule this team until the time should come for us to meet our maker, and so, despite what mistakes we have made, we will continue to lead this team to the promised. Results such as today's promise to make that journey longer and more tortuous than it otherwise might have been, but rest assured, we will not rest until-"

Robert_Deadford was then interrupted by HulkaMatt, bereft of his HulkaCrew, but carrying his newly won tag team belt. "Robert_Deadford, make some noise for your tag team champion! WOO!" HulkaMatt said, hoisting his belt overhead. "I know that the great Buddha has said that material desire leads only to suffering, but he also says that we all ought to be shooting for oblivion, and, I've thought about it, I've talked about it, I don't think that oblivion is for me or the Crows. Now, the Dragons on the other hand, looks like they'll be hitting Nirvana pretty drat soon at the rate they're going."

"We do not subscribe to that philosophy. Don't you usually travel in a pack, HulkaMatt? We would hate to think that your friends have finally given up on you, though we could hardly blame them if they did."

HulkaMatt didn't seem bothered. "The HulkaCrew? On hiatus, looks like. All three of my main men decided to build themselves new teams. Of course, and I love these guys, but that just means that they'll rejoin the HulkaCrew once their new teams get relegated. They're my brothers, but they aren't much for building teams. But that's okay, because they can still be part of a winner once they come back to the HulkaCrew."

"Winner? Your team has never finished better than dead last. In fact, the Crows' history is one of survival against all odds and reason. It would be inspiring if it didn't involve other, better teams being destroyed as a result." Deadford sneered.

"All of that is true, but the thing of it is, I'm a tag team champion. By rule, that means that I can't be demoted as long as I'm holding this belt, and since there's not going to be another tag team tournament until the middle of Super-League XVIII, that means that one team is going down from the Norris-Smythe after this season, and it's not going to be me."

"drat you, HulkaMatt. drat you to hell. If we should fall because of your interference, then we swear that if it takes us a thousand lifetimes, that we will-" Deadford's tirade was interrupted by Chelsea Baker entering the room, smears of oil on her face, and carrying a dismembered robot arm.

Deadford paid her no heed, "We will destroy you. The streets of Kobe will run red with the blood of crows, HulkaMatt, a hard rain will fall-"

"I SAID, AHEM!" Chelsea Baker said, slamming the arm to the floor. "I'm a dangerous psychopath who just ripped the arm off of your star pitcher! You should be paying attention to me!" She tried to wipe some of the grease off her face. "I heard what you said about me before the break, Deadford!"

"Okay, well, this has been great." HulkaMatt said, sensing the danger, "I'll let you two discuss business. Have a great time, I gottagoseeyouonThunder!" HulkaMatt then ran to safely as quickly as his legs would carry him.

Deadford looked at Baker, "We recall saying nothing that would cause you undue offense."

Baker thumped New Hoss' arm on the floor as she talked, "I don't actually know or care what you said, but I heard that you mentioned my name, so I kind of felt like I was being attacked. So I ripped off New Hoss' arm. Who's laughing now?"

"We say this with hesitation, but we feel compelled to inform you that New Hoss' arm, being mechanical in nature, is rather easily replaced. We have an ample supply of spare arms, in fact, as they tend to wear down quite quickly."

"Are you saying that I ripped off a guy's arm and that it's not even going to stay ripped off? This is bullshit!" Baker whipped the arm at Deadford, who ducked just in time to avoid being murdered by his own pitcher's arm. "I work hard, I wait for New Hoss to let down his guard for a second, and then I stab him like a hundred times to keep him from doing anything, and then I rip off his arm with my bare hands!" Baker was rabid at this point, "That was a lot of work, and you're telling me that you can just fix him? God drat you, you unbelievable rear end in a top hat! I work hard to break your pitcher, and you're telling me that it doesn't even count? drat IT! gently caress YOU AND gently caress YOUR TEAM! YOU EVER COME TO SODAK, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

GAME NOTES

-Fortunately for the Dragons, they are not scheduled to travel to Sodak this season.

-George Kell probably shouldn't have started in left field, but it wasn't the proximate cause of the Dragons' woes, and, in terms of legal doctrine, that would make it much harder for Deadford to successfully press an action for negligence against me. Just saying.

-The Marmosets are coming alive! Perhaps, this time, they will not...die alone.

-Hank Greenberg did make an error if left field, but he was always known to be a poor fielder. In a sense, he was a perfect DH decades before the concept was introduced. Interstingly, so was Rudy York, who also played on the Tigers during part of Greenberg's career.

Box Score

Don May posted:

ORANGES UNLEASH FULL RANGE OF RALLY PARAPHERNALIA, COMEBACK BIG TO BEAT SOUTHPAWS 8-6

Florida City- A win is a win is a win is a win.

That is the reality of the situation. In the Super-League, it's not the team with the worst team in the division that gets demoted. It's not the team with the worst run differential that takes the drop, it's the team with the most losses. It doesn't matter if a team is unlucky or actually bad, if they finish last, they die, and that's all there is to it.

Granted, the Oranges aren't currently concerned with demotion. The Losers, their erstwhile, and given the events of the tag team tournament, that erstwhile is going to stick it seems, tag team partners, are running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and the Oranges will likely skate on by regardless of their record with the Losers headed for the deep freeze after the season. Still, in a division with the Armitage and a zombie team, the Oranges don't want to finish in last place.

Against the Southpaws, though, the Oranges appeared to be in trouble. They were down 6-3 in the ninth inning, and Rickey Henderson had just led off the inning with a strikeout. Sensing a catastrophe, or at least a demoralizing loss, in the making, oldskool decided to make the most desperate of moves, and called on his team to don the ultimate rally caps, which involves turning the caps inside out, and then setting them alight with lighters, which inspires a rally in that if the rally is not consummated quickly, the team risks suffering serious burns. And, to further load the dice, oldskool also opened up a back door in the dugout to let out the rally leopard, a fully grown snow leopard that was intended to inspire the team, likely to either hit or be eaten by a snow leopard. Finally, oldskool gave his team some rally cocaine, which was intended to boost the spirits of the team by getting them high on cocaine.

The plan worked, to an extent. Don Mattingly singled, and then Nap Lajoie went to first on a fielding error by Billy Wagner. Hanley Ramirez was next, and he reached base when Billy Wagner hit him in the back with pitch, likely accidentally, as it was hardly the right time to intentionally give the Oranges another base runner. That brought up Ichiro Suzuki, who was brought in as a pinch-hitter, despite being a left-handed hitter facing a left-handed pitcher. Suzuki hit a sharp ball right at Eddie Collins, who should have turned the ball into a game-ending double play, but couldn't come up with the ball, and everyone was safe, and the lead runner scored, making it a 6-4 game.

Billy Wagner, frustrated, then erased Kiki Cuyler with fastballs to bring the Oranges to their final out. Roberto Alomar was due up, but with the Southpaws not having a single right-handed reliver, oldskool knew he could take better advantage of the platoon effect, and sent in Johnny Bench as a pinch-hitter. It was a risky plan, but it was as successful as oldskool could have hoped, as Bench hit a Wagner fastball over the left field fence for the game-winning grand slam.

And then the leopard attacked Placido Polanco, but that was bound to happen at some point.

Pander started off his press conference with sarcastic applause for oldskool. "Good job, guy! I mean, it took two errors and a hit by pitch, and everything to break right, but the Oranges managed to make the comeback. Of course, that is never, ever, ever, ever, ever going to happen again in a million years, and we're still in first place, and you're still in third, getting beaten by a team without an owner and Armitage, let's not forget, but you managed to beat us once. That's really something. You are something special kid, and to think, it only took you, what, 12 seasons or something to get this far? Truly, an inspiration for all of the new owners out there. If you put your nose to the grindstone and work really hard, you too can become an eternal midcarder like oldskool. Oh, yeah, he was the four-time, four-time, four-time, four-time tag team champion. But he's not anymore, is he? And he's never going to be again."

"But let's take a trip to reality town now, guys. Let's get away from oldskool's magical land of comebacks and self-delusion, and let's get back to what's real. And what's real is that, even with the loss, I'm 18.5 games up on the Bombers. I'm going the playoffs, and I'm going to have homefield advantage, and as long as I get to play most of the games in a series in the Leftorium, there's nothing anyone can do to stop us. We showed that last year, even if the Pirates got a bit lucky. But the Pirates are gone now, and they're never, ever, ever, ever coming back. You're all just living in the Southpaws' world."

"Actually, while I'm here, I had something I wanted to say to mentholmoose. You know, moose, over the course of the All-Star Break, I was feeling bad. You see, the thing of it is, last season, you talked about wanting to quit the Super-League. You felt like your team couldn't compete in our division, and Smasher convinced you it could, and I didn't say anything. And that was wrong. What I should have said then, and what I'm going to say now is this: Give up, moose. You cannot beat me. I am smarter than you, I am so much smarter than you that it is almost embarrassing for us to be playing in the same league. It's like beating a five year-old in chess. Yeah, you can do it, but what did you prove? I didn't want to say anything then, because the league was already on edge about the so-called 'gimmick' stadium crisis, but now that things have calmed down, I wanted to tell you that the absolute best that you can hope for is second-place. You cannot win."

"Now, I don't know you that well, but I'm guessing that a guy like you is used to setbacks. I mean, I look at you and your team, and I see a guy who just can't quite get it together. And that's okay. Maybe you're a late bloomer. They say that Grandma Moses didn't become a famous painter until she was quite old. Of course, from a critical perspective, her art was nothing special, it was the fact that she was so old, and that her art was so reaffirming to the ruling classes of their values and preferences that she even became a little famous. Not someone I myself would want to model my life after, because the only thing worse than being a tool of the Man is being an oblivious tool of the Man, but, hey, for a guy like you, selling out would be a step up, wouldn't it?"

GAME NOTES

-Ken Oberkfell: Unstoppable hitting machine.

-If Carl Mays keeps pitching like this, there's going to be even more blood on his hands.

-Fun Fact: In addition to killing a man with a doctored ball (admittedly, likely a ball that had been doctored during an earlier at-bat), Carl Mays also was known to engage in the cool crime of insurance fraud.

-Why was Nap playing third base, you might ask? It's a very complicated question to answer. I could answer it, but there is a character limit on these posts, and any real explanation would certainly exhaust that character limit and then some. And we still have two more games of the week to get through.

Box Score

Don May posted:

DINOS BOUNCE CULTISTS 10-9, STILL IN LAST PLACE

Hill City- Since starting the season 8-18, the Dinos have been over .500 for the last two months plus coming into the second half of the season.

And they're still in last place.

It seems like no matter what the Dinos do, they can't seem to catch a break, with the Wolverines and Nine somehow staying a half-step ahead of them at every turn, and with the season now in its second half, the Dinos are running out of time to break out of the cellar.

Today's game was at least a step in the right direction, as the Dinos overcame a blown save by Robb Nen to knock in a sacrifice fly in the bottom of the ninth to get the walk-off 10-9 win. Granted, it was against a Cultists' team that has turned inconsistency into an artform, but it was a win regardless, and that was important right now, when the Dinos need all the wins they can get.

"Yeah, no, good." forzelt said after the game, not seeming to be paying a ton of attention as he checked his iPhone, "You know, when I started the Dinos it was important for me to instill in them that they should play the game the right way or something." forzelt said, not looking up from his iPhone as he talked, "And I'm glad to see that they did today by beating the, uh, who did we play? Was it the Whalers?" A reporter informed him that it was the Cultists. "Never heard of them, are you sure it wasn't the Whalers? I think they had green on their uniforms. Or maybe I was just looking at the grass, I don't know. The point is, whoever they were, we beat them, they were beaten by us, it was great, I assume the players on the team were happy about the thing that happened, and what they experienced and what have you, and that's great for them. Questions?"

forzelt was asked why he let an ineffective Don Drysdale through 143 pitches in the game. "Well, you know, I was really paying attention to the pitch count. It didn't seem that important. I know that a lot of math nerds out there will tell you that pitch counts are important, but I've always felt that statistic were kind of overrated as a field." A reporter reminded forzelt that he, in fact, had an advanced degree in statistics. "Right, so I'd know, wouldn't I? I mean, I don't think that anyone knows more about how much bullshit magic tricks are than a magician, right? I should be the authority on telling you that statistics are really just lies that smart guys like me come up with to get money out of marks such as yourselves. Don't be marks, okay?"

Meanwhile, with CthulhuDreams busy looking for a yacht to buy, Kazuhiro Sasako was elected to speak for the team, "My name is Kazuhiro Sasaki, and I don't really give a gently caress." He explained. "Let me tell you how little of a gently caress I give. When I was pitching for the Mariners, and let's be clear on this, because I know that some of you are going to whine, but Seattle is all the way across the ocean from Japan. And my wife was in Japan during the season, so, you have to understand, what I did, I did because it was a poo poo-ton easier than flying back to Japan every few days or something. Anyway, so, I'm having a good time, and then the owner of the Mariners calls me in his office, and says "Kazuhiro, you must stop with this indiscreet philandering. It is not good for the team.' But I say, gently caress that, because it's not like he was going to fire me from the Mariners just because of that. And then he did. Didn't stop me from cheating on my wife, well, my wife at the time, traded her in for a younger model."

Sasaki tried to get back to his point, "Anyway what I'm trying to get at here is that Cthulhu can go gently caress himself. I don't give a gently caress about him or his team, or any of that poo poo. All that rear end in a top hat does is complain that he's bored, and then talks about whether or not he wants to make millions every year, or tens of millions, and how big a house he wants to buy for his future trophy-wife. Now, a lot of you probably think that I talk a good game, because where the gently caress is Cthulhu now, and that I wouldn't say this to his face. I wish that I could say all of this to his face. I'd love to say it to his loving face, but who the gently caress even knows where he is? He's a useless motherfucker, that's what he is. This team should be in first place, not struggling for a wildcard. We've needed a better starting pitcher for months, and what does Cthulhu do when one falls in his lap during the draft? He puts Dazzy Vane, which, by the way, learn the gently caress how to spell! Anyway, he gets Dazzy Vane, and then he puts him in long relief. And meanwhile, we're still starting a broken Tanana. I don't think we lose this game if we don't spot the Dinos eight loving runs in the first four innings. I don't know how good Dazzy is, but he's got to be beter than that. So this loss, this is on Cthulhu. gently caress him, gently caress everything, Kaz out, fuckers!"

GAME NOTES

-The Mayor of New York, caving in to public pressure, has officially condemned the decision of te official scorer to score an error to Derek Jeter, noting that "Cap'n Jetes doesn't make errors. If the play doesn't get made, it means that nobody could have made it, because Jetes gives it his all, every play! He's a True Yankee!"

-Bubbles hit another triple. Truly, he is the man.

-IT'S VANCE! NOT VANE! VANCE! THERE HAVE BEEN COPIES OF DAZZY VANCE IN THE LEAGUE FOREVER! COME ON!

-Cultists' Middle Infield Status: All hitting, no fielding. That said, both guys are top five hitters at their position, probably all-time.

Box Score

Don May posted:

WHALERS WIN 6-3, MKS5000 MISSES THE POINT

St. Paul- The Whalers win!

Also, the Whalers are still in the Super-League!

Of course, the Whalers winning was no surprise to their owner, the sporadically clean and sober mks5000, who had other things on his mind.

"Hey." mks5000 said to reporters while staring off in space. "'sup?" He asked. No reporters answered. "Hey, you know what I watched, like, either yesterday or maybe two days ago, I was watching that SHIELD show. And, like, it was about that middle aged dude, and he had a secret army or something and he wanted to find people with super-powers to do stuff with them, and the people with super-powers were like X-Men, except they could use the X-Men name or something, so they were the inhumans or something, and they talked about boring stuff for a while, and then there was this other guy, and he was also trying to start a secret army, except his secret army was evil, because he wanted to use it, to like, I don't know, conquer the world, although the only guy on his team was this lame dork, so, two guys probably aren't enough to take over the world."

"And then people did stuff, but it wasn't very interesting. Hey, and here's a question, how come when someone has powers, where they can like blast energy or electricity or something, they always stand super-still and fire it directly in front of them. And I guess that makes the special effects easier or something, but it looks really dorky. Like, I'm in the middle of a fight, I'm not sure what I want to do is just stand straight up and not move, seems like that wouldn't work out too well. Plus, I think that the main villain of the season is, like, a giant, evil Sonic the Hedgehog. I mean, the dude's blue, and he looks like a hedgehog, and he's probably gotta go fast and all. I don't know, though, because I'm not sure Sonic the Hedgehog is a good villain. Like, I guess he could spindash you."

A reporter tried to ask mks5000 about the game, "The Rod, man, The Rod really came through for our team. He was like, taking all the walks, and the Commission were like 'Oh, no, we can't stop the rod, he just keeps coming', and then we scored a bunch of runs and won the game. It was pretty okay. And then we were all like 'hey, we won', and then we won. And that was cool. And now I kind of want to go get pancakes. Do they have pancakes in Minnesota? I mean, I think they do, but it's a weird place. Like, what if there's like some sort of Norweigian breakfast thing that's popular or something. Because I'm not sure they can grow the stuff that you turn into pancakes in Norway. So, maybe they would have to make it out of walruses or something. Like they cut up a walrus and cook parts of it, and serve it for breakfast, and they cut it up so that it looks like pancakes. And then they eat it. And that tradition got passed down to their descendants in Minnesota. Except I don't think there are many walruses in Minnesota, probably because they already ate them all for breakfast."

Pash wandered by. "Hey, Pash!" mks5000 flagged him down.

"Yes?" Pash responded.

"Do they have pancakes in Minnesota?"

"Yes." Pash said, trying to fathom the meaning of mks5000's question.

"Okay, yeah, but are they pancakes?" He asked.

"I don't know what you mean. The pancakes are pancakes." Pash said.

"No, but, like, are they pancakes or are they just walrus meat that you guys shape into pancakes?"

Pash tried to wrap his head around what mks5000 was asking. "Walrus meat?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think the pancakes in Minnesota are made of walrus meat. You're aware that there are no walruses in Minnesota, right?"

mks5000 nodded vigorously, "Because you are them all."

"Because we at them all?" Pash asked rhetorically, stunned by mks5000's inability to grasp basic concepts, "No, because we're not by the Arctic Ocean."

"Maybe the walruses came South for the winter." mks5000 posited. "Like, it gets cold up north during the winter, so, they came down here for the winter, and then you ate them."

"I don't think walruses migrate. Actually, I'm not sure about that, maybe they do, but even if they do, that's a long journey from the Arctic, and it would be overland, and I don't know that walruses do great on land."

"Do we know that walruses can't migrate over land, though? I mean, maybe they could, and it's just that no one has noticed."

Pash seemed increasingly frustrated with mks5000, "They don't have legs. And they have flippers for arms. That makes them pretty slow on land, and it seems like a predator could take them out pretty easily in those conditions."

"And make them into pancakes." mks5000 said, everything coming together in his mind. "Making them into pancakes."

"What are you talking about? No one is making walruses into pancakes! Why would you make a walrus into a pancake, anyway?" Pash asked, trying to get some answers.

"It's too cold to grow grain." mks5000 explained, as if that should be obvious.

"But it isn't too cold to grow grain. We grow lots of grain into Minnesota. It's got very fertile soil."

"Right, but you can't grow wheat in Norway." mks5000 had a vacant stare in his eyes. "So you need to make your pancakes out of walrus meat."

"You absolutely can grow some sort of grains in parts of Norway, it's really not that cold that you can't grow anything. Like oats. You can probably grow oats. And then make them into pancakes. Or something."

"Oh." mks5000 said, slightly defeated. "Can I go get pancakes then?"

GAME NOTES

-Torriente is now completely fixed! Hooray!

-Listen, I could spend a lot of time trying to come up with interesting game notes, but if I did that, then I wouldn't be giving you the chance to stretch your imagination and come up with entertaining game notes of your own. So, I'll leave some space below, and let your mind take you somewhere exciting.

-

-

Box Score

Team Statistics

Analysis

Comrade, the bottom of your lineup brings our entire ideology into disrepute!

Analysis

Kershaw and Johnson have the top two strikeout totals in the Super-League.

Analysis

I can't believe so many owners picked against America. And they paid for their treason by missing out on a pick 'em point.

Analysis

Well, back to singles competition with you.

Analysis

Next season will be better, and since the Losers are toast, there will be a next year.

Analysis

FIX YOUR HITTING! I don't care how, just do something!

Analysis

Sisyphus' own.

Analysis

Oh, god, this team is going to the playoffs.

Analysis

Prince Fielder: Portrait of a failure.

Analysis

Crows.

Analysis

Where is the power?

Analysis

Sabes has been good. That's something.

Analysis

This team must beat the Cultists if it's to get a wildcard.

Analysis

The team to beat in the Dynamo League.

Analysis

This team might survive if only because the Space Fish have no power.

Analysis

The wildcards of my heart! Also of the Smasher League, most likely.

Analysis

Back in first by default! Woo!

Analysis

A perfectly acceptable team.

Analysis

DEAD!

Analysis

Hey, take it up with Kaz Sasaki, not me.

Analysis

Not the greatest start for the Kaat-Man.

Analysis

Given enough time, this team will overtake the Wolverines. Of course, time, in this case, is rather finite.

Analysis

This team is a trip.

Analysis

There remains much work to be done.

Standings

# ? Oct 9, 2015 17:44

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

Pancakes are great, just like Minnesota. I have this weird recipe for them that is gluten free for some reason but somehow managed to be the best pancakes I have ever had. No walrus meat in there at all.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 19:04

Zodiac5000: Jun 19, 2006; Protects the Pack!; Doctor Rope

I knew it! The Marmosets just needed a break, get their heads together, and now they're going to go on a goddamn run the rest of the season.

Carl Mays will undoubtedly energize the rotation and Chief Keefe can go walk off whatever obviously hidden injury has made him fail so miserably. Hopefully Charleston and Stearnes' ratings decay doesn't end up ruining everything, but eh, Turkey has a place on my team for as long as I have the player. The Monsoon may still be doing a little worse than expected, but you can't just expect a cybernetic fusion of two players to work perfectly out of the box, these things take time to fine tune. I probably could invest in some sort of defensive upgrades for him. I assume that will only come about if I acquire additional Matt Williams'.

SmasherDynamo, could you do me a favor and let me know how Bullet Rogan is hitting? He's doing a drat fine job in the rotation, and I was wondering how he was hitting compared to my other pitchers and players.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 19:07

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Revert to the normal lineup please.

vs. RHP
1. CF Hamilton
2. DH Williams
3. LF Bonds
4. RF Ruth
5. 1B Mantle
et al.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 19:15

DannoMack: Aug 1, 2003; i love it when you call me big poppa

Basically we need the Chesbros to blow up a little before it's too late. Also screw it, I'm sure four lefties in a row is okay if they're all Hall of Famers. New lineups please:

vs RHP
CF Tris Speaker L
RF Ty Cobb L
3B Wade Boggs L
1B Lou Gehrig L
SS Ernie Banks R
LF Larry Walker L
C Ted Simmons S
2B Joe Morgan L

vs LHP
CF Ty Cobb L
2B Riggs Stephenson R
LF Al Simmons R
1B Lou Gehrig L
RF Hank Aaron R
C Ted Simmons S
SS Ernie Banks R
3B Harmon Killebrew R

Thank you Smasher!

# ? Oct 9, 2015 19:22

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

That first lineup is actually seven lefties in a row sometimes :eng101:

# ? Oct 9, 2015 20:00

ForeverBWFC: Oct 19, 2011; Oh, the lads! You should've seen 'em running!
Ask 'em why and they reply the Bolton Boys are coming! All the lads and lasses, smiles upon their faces,

WALKING DOWN THE MANNY ROAD, TO SEE THE BURNDEN ACES!

Put Randy Johnson into the rotation for the injured RNG God.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 20:04

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Zodiac5000 posted:

SmasherDynamo, could you do me a favor and let me know how Bullet Rogan is hitting? He's doing a drat fine job in the rotation, and I was wondering how he was hitting compared to my other pitchers and players.

He's only had 38 ABs, so there's not a lot to be said.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 20:04

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

I can't fix it Smasher, there is nothing I can do.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 21:10

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

Paul Zuvella posted:

I can't fix it Smasher, there is nothing I can do.

You could go get some Pancakes.

# ? Oct 9, 2015 21:28

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Pash posted:

You could go get some Pancakes.

Is that forzelt's third string catcher?

# ? Oct 9, 2015 21:47

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 23:40

TheFlyingLlama: Jan 2, 2013; You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and be a llama?

at least I can make several moves at once today. Romo becomes the new closer, move everyone else in the bullpen down one spot and send down Bill Henry. Call Carew back up, sending down Appling. New batting lineup should be

DH John McGraw
1B Joe Kelley
LF Ted Williams
RF Babe Ruth
2B Rod Carew
CF Mickey Mantle
C Wally Schang
3B George Kell
SS Johhny Pesky

past that if you have any communist deckchairs you'd like to shuffle comrade Smasher, feel free

# ? Oct 9, 2015 22:33

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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