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how many times does this kid have to not pay his rent before he no longer has a "good track record" in your eyes because it seems like he's owed you money for several months now without paying and i would not call that a good track record personally
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Aug 31, 2015 20:08
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The Saurus posted:how many times does this kid have to not pay his rent before he no longer has a "good track record" in your eyes because it seems like he's owed you money for several months now without paying and i would not call that a good track record personally We're talking about two separate guys. I evicted Dad a year ago, while the new kid is only one month late with rent - and this is in fact the first time he's been late.
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Aug 31, 2015 20:16
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GAY 4 ORGANS
A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Lots of unpaid rent and utilities that accumulated before I evicted him and sold the apartment. For $100 I can eat about two weeks (as I said, it's not a lot of money but every penny counts.) Hell, eating for two weeks sounds pretty good. Two weeks worth of food sounds like it qualifies as a lot of money. A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:We're talking about two separate guys. I evicted Dad a year ago, while the new kid is only one month late with rent - and this is in fact the first time he's been late. I kind of wish you were my landlord. I'm homeless by next week because I can't pay rent this month. I've never had a landlord that would give even a single month of leeway. Of course, I'm never late on my rent (until now).
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Aug 31, 2015 21:31
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:We're talking about two separate guys. I evicted Dad a year ago, while the new kid is only one month late with rent - and this is in fact the first time he's been late. Yes, I know. But he's going to be 2 months late with the rent by the end, isn't he? And is Croatia really a place where you can make enough money in a single month to pay 3 months worth of rent when you're this backed up? It seems like it's hard enough to get paid at all maybe he'll inherit property or cash from his dead relative.
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Sep 1, 2015 09:16
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God dammit, I pwned myself once again. The other day I got high on Biperiden - something I won't do anymore because this drug has lost its novelty value and I once again ended up wrecking my poo poo. I ran outta smokes early in the morning, and went to the local bar because I knew they sell cigs. I barged into the bar in a full crazy bum mode, I slammed ten bucks on the counter and asked for two packs of cigs. I must have forgotten why I came in the first place so I staggered out the bar but then suddenly remembered that I forgot to pick up the cigs, or something, I have no clue. The bartenders weren't impressed when I came back to yell at them, so they kicked me out and told me never to return or they're gonna phone the pigs. I didn't fancy waking up in jail so I made myself scarce. Then upon returning home, I realized that I lost my apartment keys. My hippie neighbor opened the doors through an intercom so at least I could access the building. The walrus generally doesn't gently caress around, but this time he was kind to me: I was so high when I went out to buy smokes, that I forgot to lock my apartment anyway. It was a minor miracle, because I was already getting ready to kick the door in. I ended up having to replace three locks and it wasn't cheap. On Monday, I'm traveling to Dalmatia to deal with Uncle Bruno's poo poo - both proverbially and figuratevely. I have $8 on me, and it ain't gonna end well - I'll be traveling with my white trash inlaws who are expecting me to chip in for gas. My sister borrowed me forty bucks and I have to be very, very careful not to waste that money before Monday. To make things worse, the Awesome Kid who's been at my place since 2011 is leaving - he's gonna try his luck in Ireland. I'm going to write a heart-felt letter of recommendation for him, because as a tenant, he was nothing short of ideal. The other kid paid his rent and chipped in a few extra bucks - the following month I'm getting two rents from him at once. And he even recommended me a guy who's willing to rent the Awesome Kid's apartment from me, the way things are looking now, the apartment won't sit vacant for a single day. Studios truly are hot stuff in Zagreb. I think everything is going to work out just fine, but I shouldn't forget that I'm on a slippery slope and that I definitely shouldn't be doing Biperiden again since this never ends well.
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Sep 24, 2015 13:56
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Your stories are legit fascinating. You have so much self awareness and yet consistently indulge in self-destructive behavior. Good luck to you eventually getting help, OP.
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Sep 24, 2015 14:53
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I think you should get high on biperiden as much as possible, thats my advice. just make sure you post about it here afterwards.
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Sep 24, 2015 20:30
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I FOUND MY GODDAMN KEYS. They were hidden in the washing machine, I noticed a weird clanking sound when the drum was spinning, I inspected the contents of the machine and yeah, there they were. I can freely toss them in the garbage now, since I already changed all the locks (which cost me $100). God. drat. It. 
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Sep 24, 2015 20:33
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:I FOUND MY GODDAMN KEYS. Pwnd
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Sep 25, 2015 17:44
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:I FOUND MY GODDAMN KEYS. I think it's time to get a personal assistant.
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Sep 25, 2015 17:54
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Dick Trauma posted:I think it's time to get a personal assistant. Or a lighter leash for your keys.
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Sep 25, 2015 17:55
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Stop cooking chairs and storing your valuables in the washing machine No wait, don't
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Sep 25, 2015 21:24
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Have you considered taking all of your stories from this thread and other places you've written them, compiling them into a chronological order, and selling them as a book? If Tucker Max can do it multiple times, you certainly can. Might be a fun creative outlet too.
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Sep 25, 2015 22:50
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Just don't present them as fact, since it's pretty obvious you're full of poo poo. But still enjoyable.
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Sep 25, 2015 23:22
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NotAnArtist posted:Good luck to you eventually getting help, OP. LOL
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Sep 28, 2015 04:33
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Non Serviam posted:Just don't present them as fact, since it's pretty obvious you're full of poo poo. thank god you're here to ruin a good story by questioning it's veracity
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Sep 28, 2015 07:53
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Sigma-X posted:Have you considered taking all of your stories from this thread and other places you've written them, compiling them into a chronological order, and
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Sep 28, 2015 09:49
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Non Serviam posted:Just don't present them as fact, since it's pretty obvious you're full of poo poo. 
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Sep 29, 2015 03:32
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Sep 29, 2015 11:26
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Non Serviam posted:Just don't present them as fact, since it's pretty obvious you're full of poo poo. YOU SHUT UP NOW. A fatty sweat beard is not another 50ft ant.
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Oct 8, 2015 08:10
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skeletonotherkin posted:YOU SHUT UP NOW. A fatty sweat beard is not another 50ft ant. 50ft Ant stories were amusing as hell and I really wish people would come around to the realization that questioning the veracity of a story never makes the story better.
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Oct 9, 2015 04:00
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Here's a few facts: stories far less entertaining and inspiring than Fatbeard's have sold many ebooks, and publishing them as kindle singles would be nearly free money, not even interfering with a carefree janitorial day job.
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Oct 11, 2015 00:59
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Anyone questioning the veracity of the story has no knowledge or experience of life in eastern europe
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Oct 12, 2015 01:40
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The Saurus posted:Anyone questioning the veracity of the story has no knowledge or experience of life in eastern europe Or the ability to look at pictures
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Oct 12, 2015 10:28
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stringball posted:Or the ability to look at pictures Kinda what I was thinking. Fatbeard has posted a poo poo load of pictures so if he isn't legit, he knows someone that is. I'm pretty sure he even took glamor shots of his cockroaches as requested..
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Oct 12, 2015 18:55
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Hay guise, I'm back. I spent the last two weeks in a pretty joosed state but everything worked out pretty well in the end. First of all, my two aunts came from Germany and spent a few days at my place. I accidentally found out that I'm an extreme snorer - while I've known that I sometimes wake myself up at night with a loud "ARROUUF" sound, I didn't know it happens all night long. Could explain why I'm always waking up tired as all hell. The aunt made me shave off my UNIX beard I've been growing since January, because "I ain't giving a ride to a hairy Chetnik."  So this post will be dealing with Uncle Bruno's poo poo. Aunts and I attended the probate, I got half the estate - much to my Aunt's chagrin who still considers me "that weird smelly kid" who doesn't deserve what he got. More on this later. Now, these aunts are just as stubborn as they are naive. They don't understand the concept of toxic assets, especially if it's in real estate. Over the past fifty years, they have accumulated a ton of stupid poo poo that keeps their finances bogged down yet they're too proud to sell it; First, they have a house in Zagreb. It sat empty and abandoned since 1996 when they stopped renting it out - they too had a Dad the dad-like situation but their example was particularly nasty since both aunts lived in Germany and these people took an opportunity and robbed them: one day the house was simply empty. They even took the doormat. After this, instead of wising up and getting rid of the drat thing, the aunts simply abandoned the house - which is aggressively decomposing today. Not only that the house isn't paying for itself, it's a very serious drain on their finances - land ownership tax, utilities, etc. Then there's an unfinished house on the coast. Construction stopped in 1974 after money ran tight. As of 2015, it's sitting still an empty concrete shell with windows boarded over. A neighbor's toddler drowned in the unfinished septic tank - it was full of rainwater and someone stole the planks covering it and the kid fell in and died. All of this caused the aunts to be "extremely popular" with the neighbors - but they are too naive to see this. And finally, there's the Uncle Bruno trainwreck house, a shining example of a toxic asset. But let's take this in stages. My mom spent twenty years of her life trying to deal with these clowns. She accomplished nothing. I knew I had to resort to the IRL trolling method to get the things moving again. First of all, I had to create an aura of urgency and a valid reason why the aunts should buy out my half of the house. This was easy, I simply dropped the spaghettios and outed myself as a crazy druggie bum (I also made sure they saw me drinking a lot of Pelinkovac. It's a poor man's Jägermeister, has a bittersweet taste of broken dreams.) I then sacrificed my beard to get a car ride (for which I had to chip in anyway  ) and we attended the probate. Now, if you're reasonable, you'd be very worried about getting toxic real estate - but my aunts were happy - flattered even - that they inherited a run-down house and a bunch of olive trees. They already hemmorraged several thousand bucks of active, living money on their shithouse in Zagreb - now they're gonna have to pay the tax for this piece of poo poo house on the coast as well.I immediately sold whatever I could to cover the nursing home debt, I went in with $8 and came back with $9 in my pocket, but the entire debt is now paid. I took a lot of flak for being an alcoholic who has to sell stuff in order to support himself. My aunts have this weird mindset which mandates that We Do Not Sell Stuff. Unfortunately, this sort of logic leaves you littered with stupid poo poo which, in case of real estate, can lose you money at an alarming rate. By outing myself as a junkie who Sells Stuff, I created a situation in which "we the aunts have to rescue Our House from that drunken weirdo beardo." The coup-the-grâce is not dealt yet: I will soon make it clear that I do not intend to pay the tax on the house and that I'm willing to allow the country of Croatia to foreclose on it and sell the fucker on an auction. Since my aunts are hellbent on keeping the house in the family, this sort of poo poo-brewing ought to make them move. It seems that I was successful, at least, for now: When we came back to Zagreb, I allowed my aunts to use the computer and I later checked the browser history  and they were looking for real estate agents in Croatia. I threw them a bait; sell the house in Zagreb (which is a disaster to your finances anyway) and use the money to pay me out for my half of the house on the coast. Simple. I just hope that these clowns will understand the message.By the way, we tore apart Uncle Bruno's house and we didn't find anything of value. Just a lot of trash, 1980s candybars, and mountains of paper. The "mystery room" was opened, and it contained a mountain of paper that was beyond destroyed, it was pure compost. This was probably the last time I went there. I'll give my aunts a few months worth of grace period and then I'm going to lawyer up and (legally) tear the place apart.
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Oct 16, 2015 16:20
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well played weirdo beardo
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Oct 16, 2015 16:41
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I swear to God, I'm going to make a movie out of your life. Q-pack of Žuja for exclusive rights.
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Oct 16, 2015 16:45
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Something is very wrong with the other tenant (Nick, the one who owes me money) Around two weeks ago Nick the tenant went MIA, leaving all of his stuff behind in the apartment and even left the windows wide open, even leaving his cellphone charger behind. Peope generally don't waltz off into the night like that without prior notification, unless something in his life went horribly wrong. I'm afraid that something bad happened to his mom (who is a frail old woman) and that Nick rushed home to spend the last moments with his mom, and since it seeems to have been a major urgency, he didn't tell me what went wrong (not to mention his cellphone draining its batteries and Nick being unable to recharge teh drat thing. The apartment is empty, save for a few Nick's personal belongings, clothes and such. His cellphone is switched off but I have a landline phone number from his parents'home. I think tomorrow I'm gonna phone his parents (unless they're hospitalized or something) and try to patch together this Rashomon-like situation. Since both mine and Nick's apartments are in the same tower block, I always check if the windows on his apartment have been closed, over the past few weeks his windows were wide open which raised my suspicions; obviously noone is living in that apartment ATM. I'm now in a rather unpleasant situation, my money is propsterously tight and both of my for-rent apartments are sitting empty, and I'm in a dire cash flow crisis. Nick's dad passed away a month ago, now if his mom died too, it must have a tremendous blow for the kind-hearted Nick. At this point I'd like to say that Nick doesn't owe me much that much money, but since I'm operating on a shoestring budged, every penny is worth like gold to me. Not all is bad though, I got in contact with Dad the dad from the penultimate saga and he and I struck an agreement that he'll be paying me $90 a month in order to gradually repay the enormous debt he had going at the time I finally evicted him. Now for something entirely different. I began aggressively searching for job openings. It's not that I'm inherently poor, the reason behind this is that I'm horribly bored and I'm unhappy when I'm not working. Solitude can wreach havoc on human psyche and to be frank, I like to work menial labor (my favorite is being a janitor.) Besides, I'm in an urgent need for a physical, blue collar job, as I've ballooned after chemo treatment (  ) and I have an enormous deposit of lard around my stomach. Since I've never been fat, these fat rolls are now pressing the diaphragm and I always have this stuffy feeling below my ribs. A little bit of PE should take care of that. Before chemo, I was a 65kg weakling, after chemo I ballooned to 90KG or more. This is probably due to a 50% decrease in testosterone and a general sedentiary life style - brought about by general inactivity during chemo and afterwards (not to mention that the meds I'm receiving are notorious for making people extremely fat.)I'd like to solve this furball in a peaceful manner, so I'm turning to you goons: Can you give me a few tips on how to resolve this mess? One apartment is empty while the other one is semi-empty and as of few weeks ago, in a completely condition. I'm all ears.
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Oct 26, 2015 00:08
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I always say "find tenants that aren't loving garbage and always take advantage of you" but you ALWAYS GET THOSE TENANTS ANYWAY. This time, I will instead say you need to first: learn how to stand up for yourself, and then find new tenants that will pay you in real money that you need to live. Despite your experience, I can only hope that not ever potential tenant in Croatia is a shady grifter. Also, if you can get a job please do so because you seem to be consistently tottering on the brink of life as a homeless junkie and that would make me sad because you seem like a nice and interesting person.
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Oct 27, 2015 18:27
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So did the OP ever move to Croatia or what
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Oct 27, 2015 19:44
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I suppose Croatia is a pretty great place to live after all. This morning I went out to bum cigs and collect bottles. On the way home, I went through a park and checked all the trashcans for hidden gold, and one old guy saw me doing this - he had a half empty bottle of mineral water he'd been drinking, he poured the water out and gave me a bottle. We struck up a conversation and ended up chitchatting for 20 minutes. At the end we even shared a piece of chocolate - I told the old fella how I've battled with cancer, and I believe he gave me a chocolate as a *knocks on wood* gesture.  And to think that I used to be a pseudoautistic shut-in who couldn't utter more than two words in social situations. I've truly come a long way since. Also, today Dad the dad gave me fifty bucks - I'm on good terms with him, and by doing this he bailed my rear end since it seems I'll have to juggle with two empty apartments at the same time, leaving me with no income. The other kid who is late with rent deserves a name. Let's call him Waldo. Since both he and I live in the same apartment tower, every time I go to the store I check if his windows have been closed etc. What recently caught my attention is that his windows did not change one bit for a week or more. I repeatedly tried to phone him but his phone is permanently off. Last time I heard of him, he was in Serbia attending his dad's funeral. I then phoned his family but they shrugged it off as "maybe he's on vacation." I then violated the lease and entered his apartment to see what the hell is going on (also to close the window.) All of his stuff is there, laundry is drying on a hanger, bathroom is full of cosmetics and there are dishes drying on a rack. His shoes are in the lobby. This struck me as particularly odd because people don't generally waltz away into the night leaving all of their stuff behind. Both Dad the dad and my sister agree that I should file a missing person report. I know that Waldo was borrowing money just so he could pay the rent, and this can end badly in so many ways. So in the morning imma get high on trams and pay a visit to the police. Any thoughts?
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Oct 27, 2015 20:03
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:
Sounds good to me OP
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Oct 27, 2015 20:05
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This thread makes me wonder how many of the muttering bums I see on the streets of New York are actually multi-tenant landlords
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Oct 27, 2015 20:17
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Data Graham posted:This thread makes me wonder how many of the muttering bums I see on the streets of New York are actually multi-tenant landlords Hahaha Nice work striking up a conversation at the trash can, OP. The train tracks are another good spot to make friends.
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Oct 27, 2015 21:36
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:
I don't know what trams are but I recommend you do this in the opposite order. To be clear: 1: go to police, file report 2: go home 3: take the drugs that you call 'trams'
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Oct 27, 2015 22:30
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redreader posted:I don't know what trams are but I recommend you do this in the opposite order. To be clear: You know he's gonna wake up and be all 3, 2, 1 BLASTOFF. OP tell us about the policedrugs when you get back / out of jail
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Oct 27, 2015 23:21
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Sigma-X posted:You know he's gonna wake up and be all 3, 2, 1 BLASTOFF. I'm not going to chimp out on Tramadol. The worst thing that can happen is that I just might nod off during interrogation, and being frank with the inspector (I took strong painkillers because my back is killing me) is closest to the truth and won't rise any eyebrows.
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Oct 27, 2015 23:45
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:I'm not going to chimp out on Tramadol. The worst thing that can happen is that I just might nod off during interrogation, and being frank with the inspector (I took strong painkillers because my back is killing me) is closest to the truth and won't rise any eyebrows. I am not cool enough to know what trams are, I just knew that you would be doing it in the reverse order that that guy recommended. Don't let him dull your sparkle.
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Oct 28, 2015 00:19
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Tramadol, it's a slow-release mid strength opiate.
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Oct 28, 2015 00:25
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