MonoAus posted:

The men swearhouse sounds like a fun place to be.

To be honest I didn't even realise how terribly written it was until you pointed it out. I've read so many of these now my brain just automatically corrects it.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

What actually happened: 7-year-olds laughed at a girl saying "titi".

Decrepus posted:

realtalk this could be 100% true

i met some really fuckin weird people when i was at the Men's Warehouse

quote:

Stop This Cretinous Behaviour
GRAMMAR SCHOOL | HORSHAM, ENGLAND, UK | BAD BEHAVIOR, LANGUAGE & WORDS, RELIGION, TEACHERS
(During a French class, the word “chrétien” crops up in a book we are reading. The teacher establishes that this is the French word for “Christian”.)

Class Smart-Alec: “Is that the origin of the word “cretin”, sir?”

Teacher: “That’s it. I’ve had enough of your unholy and anti-religious attitude. You’ll be in for a Saturday detention and you can go and see the Headmaster immediately. Then …”

Class Swot: “Actually, sir, the word “cretin” does ultimately derive from the word “chrétien.” We looked it up one day some time ago.”

Teacher: “Well, er, that’s not the point…”

Class Swot: “It absolutely is the point, sir. You can’t punish someone for bringing up an interesting etymological fact, just because it contradicts your own prejudices.”

Teacher: “Right, that’s enough! You are also in Saturday detention, and you can also go and see the Headmaster immediately.”

(Class Smart-Alec and Class Swot both went and visited the Headmaster and related their story, who agreed with both that this detention was unfair. No idea what he said to the French teacher, but the teacher was considerably less quick to punish members of the class for being smart.)

Murphy Brownback posted:

Even if that happened they still both deserved the detentions for disrupting the class by asking a question they already knew the answer to.

Fathis Munk posted:

Smart-alec ? Swot? Speak English you loving brit.

quote:

Yesterday after shopping in our local supermarket, I was in the queue at the Check Out, and heard when the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
The woman apologised to the young girl & then sighed, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. You folk didn't do enough to save our environment for future generations."
The older lady said "Ahh yes you're right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day." She sighed then continued:
Back then, we returned milk bottles, lemonade bottles & beer bottles to the shops. The shops then sent them back to the plant to be washed, sterilized & refilled, so those same bottles were used over & over, thus REALLY were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Grocery stores put our groceries into brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) were not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalise our books on their brown paper bag/covers. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.
I remember how we walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store or office building; walked to the grocery store & didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go 200 yards.
. . . But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind & solar power really did dry our clothes back in our days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. . . . But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And if anyone did own a TV, it had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of a football pitch. When cooking we blended & stirred by hand coz we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send by post, we used layers of old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity., , , , But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
We drank from a tap or fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, & we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then. Back then, people took the bus & kids rode bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mothers into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's expensive car or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing"..
Oh and we had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest leisure park.
. . . . But it so sad this current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? . . . I think you should forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from some smart rear end young person. .. ...
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart rear end who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Stoatbringer posted:

and that little old lady was Albert Einstein and everybody in the queue stood up and applauded.

Postal Parcel posted:

The worst part is that they never close the quote from the old lady so I thought all the text was from her and not the other person's comment

hyperhazard posted:

A lot of that rant boils down to "technology is bad because it uses electricity, and producing electricity hurts the environment" which is pretty much missing the forest for the trees.

Tunicate posted:

Yeah. And a 40'' LED TV uses less energy than a 16'' CRT.

Stoatbringer posted:

and that little old lady was Albert Einstein and everybody in the queue stood up and applauded.

MonoAus posted:

That said, this isn't really STDH in my opinion. Whoever posted it clearly meant it as a moronic parable, not something that actually happened.

MonoAus posted:

That could easily have come from my STDH generator it's so generic.

quote:

I own a [fast food chain].I am walking down the hall when a old white gentleman violently approaches me.The gentleman looks visibly angry.We are in a poor area so we often get regulars like this.

regular: Just give me a medium skinny latte

Me: "*looks at regular**blank stare* What are you talking about? I can't give you a medium skinny latte."

regular: "F*****! You B**** gay!"

Me: "F*** O** then"

regular: "Just give me a medium skinny latte you You better do what I say!"

deadpan I reply "What are you talking about? I can't give you a medium skinny latte.If you are going to continue to behave like that I must ask you to leave [fast food chain]."

regular: "Shut up lady"

Meanwhile a calm computer hacker was waiting in line.

deadpan the computer hacker says "Greetings gentleman. I am a computer hacker that frequents this establishment on many occasions. I have never in my many years seen this level of rudeness from a regular. Please do as the pizza deliverer says and vacate the premises promptly."

regular: "Excuse me? Maybe you can help give me a medium skinny latte. You W****."

The computer hacker looks at the customer

The regular looks sick and sprints away as fast as possible.

*without skipping a beat * Me: "I love you!"

Everybody clapped.I ended up dating the computer hacker. We discovered he is my cousin and have now hired him as the new pizza deliverer.

MonoAus posted:

That could easily have come from my STDH generator it's so generic.

Samizdata posted:

Link please?

quote:

Son - I do.

And that Son was.. Albert Einstein

goose fleet posted:

And that Son was... King of Thebes

bringmyfishback posted:

quote:

Thinks Very Highly Of Your Cakes
BAKERY | USA | CRAZY REQUESTS, CRIMINAL/ILLEGAL, FAMILY & KIDS, FOOD & DRINK
(I work as a cake decorator at a well known and respectable bakery. We take orders over the phone, as well as in person. One day, I received an unusual phone call. After writing down the basics of her order…)

Woman: “Can you make it a pot cake?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “Can you put the pot in it?”

Me: “You mean you want marijuana baked into your cake?”

Woman: “Yes! A lot of it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do that.”

Woman: “Well, can you at least draw a pot leaf on the top of the cake?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am not allowed to do that, either. I can decorate it with a different picture, or write something on it if you want.”

Woman: “Okay, then write on it.”

Me: “What do you want it to say?”

Woman: “Happy Birthday, Mom.”

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

There is nothing mums find more empowering than being told by a roomful of strangers that they'd totally gently caress her, given a chance.

Khazar-khum posted:

bringmyfishback posted:

Paladinus posted:

I also banged his mum.