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Soulex posted:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3740700&perpage=40&pagenumber=386#post451086402 Most relevant post in that thread, IMO. Also, hope your kid's rash got figured out.
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Oct 6, 2015 06:35
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We welcome our new goon overlord, he who is still more coherent than half the posters in FYAD. I second the hope that your kid's better now, too.
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Oct 6, 2015 10:26
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Soulex posted:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3740700&perpage=40&pagenumber=386#post451086402 Tell your kid to stop shitposting before I report him and get him banned  Also, the SA Forums: So well-designed, a baby could use them.But seriously though, your kid's a cool goon, and I'm thirding the hope he gets better.
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Oct 6, 2015 10:53
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Soulex posted:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3740700&perpage=40&pagenumber=386#post451086402 Account sharing is a bannable offense.
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Oct 6, 2015 11:10
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Soulex posted:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3740700&perpage=40&pagenumber=386#post451086402 I'll have to remember this next time I leave the app open when I put it in my pocket and it starts typing nonsense.
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Oct 6, 2015 11:22
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We recently bought some fish. Got a little aquarium with a light in it, 4 little goldfish and set it up on the desk in the kids room. They are 3 and 4 years old, and we're hoping they'll learn some responsibility out of this. Or something. gently caress it, goldfish are cheap as poo poo, the kids have got feeding the cat down pat, why not? Thing is, my 4 year old has named the fish. We have Hunter, Seeander, Dorothy and... Walter. Fuckin' Walter, man. I don't know why, but this kid has named the fish Walter and this fact makes me laugh every time I think of it. I mean when I was his age I had a cat called Bootlaces and later a dog called Hoover. He's got a fish called Walter.
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Oct 6, 2015 14:01
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Goldfish need big tanks and can live for 20 years, don't teach your kids that cheap animals are disposable please , it's gross
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Oct 6, 2015 14:09
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My parents allowed me to pick names for our goldfish when I was three or so. I went with Mindu-sindu-gindu-can-can and Sixteen. Despite this, I was also allowed to name the cat, but I went with the surprisingly dull Mary for her. Anyway, I'm going out of town to visit friends this week. I texted my friend asking what his son is into, because I want to be the cool aunt and bring him a cool gift. Apparently he's into "Trucks, trains, dinosaurs, checking people's butts for poopies, puzzles, smothering cats, "accidentally" kicking men in the nuts, and pepperoni." I think I'll probably just get him a cool book about dinosaurs, but I am entertaining the idea of just kicking my friend in the nuts repeatedly in order to win the kid over. This is going to be a fun vacation. Crow Jane has a new favorite as of 14:25 on Oct 6, 2015 |
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Oct 6, 2015 14:17
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princecoo posted:We recently bought some fish. Got a little aquarium with a light in it, 4 little goldfish and set it up on the desk in the kids room. They are 3 and 4 years old, and we're hoping they'll learn some responsibility out of this. Or something. gently caress it, goldfish are cheap as poo poo, the kids have got feeding the cat down pat, why not? My friend's son has two Guinea Pigs, he's named them "Collie" and "Batman". teenytinymouse posted:Goldfish need big tanks and can live for 20 years, don't teach your kids that cheap animals are disposable please , it's gross Also this.
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Oct 6, 2015 14:57
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princecoo posted:we're hoping they'll learn some responsibility out of this.
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Oct 6, 2015 15:19
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Soulex posted:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3740700&perpage=40&pagenumber=386#post451086402 Most likely he saw the frog icon, liked it, and tapped it, which explains the first part, then I'd guess swiped right and maybe the Destiny thread or bookmarks were there. I sorta run into this a lot since my nephew keeps calling or texting me whenever he gets my mom or sister's phone because the contact list just uses my G+ avatar and it's Vault Boy which he seems to like. He's 2 and he mostly just likes running around with the phone while I ask him what's going on, sometimes he says, "hi" but he doesn't seem to get phone conversations quite yet. He's been doing this for at least a year though, fun times. Tea Bone posted:My friend's son has two Guinea Pigs, he's named them "Collie" and "Batman". My sister wanted to name her dog Spatula and my mom wouldn't let her. Granted my sister was like 15 at the time. Dog was named Belle, but holy poo poo does she ever act like her name is Spatula, not to say that she responds to "Spatula" over "Belle", just that "Spatula" would fit that dog soooooo much better. The other dogs had normal dog names and I don't remember what/if we named the fish who all eventually died over the course of 10 years except the black sucker fish who grew so large we had to give him to a friend that had one of those super large tanks built into a wall. drat thing was probably well over a foot and a half long last time I saw him.
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Oct 6, 2015 15:20
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Crow Jane posted:Anyway, I'm going out of town to visit friends this week. I texted my friend asking what his son is into, because I want to be the cool aunt and bring him a cool gift. Apparently he's into "Trucks, trains, dinosaurs, checking people's butts for poopies, puzzles, smothering cats, "accidentally" kicking men in the nuts, and pepperoni." I think I'll probably just get him a cool book about dinosaurs, but I am entertaining the idea of just kicking my friend in the nuts repeatedly in order to win the kid over. This is going to be a fun vacation. You should show him Fail Army videos of just 10 minutes of nut shots. My girlfriend taught her nephew (who was 4 at the time), that touching a butt was funny. But he was 4, so initially, it was him reaching up to touch my butt while we were watching him and it was the lightest little baby fingers just touching my back pockets. Then he turned 5 and his little brother was born and he went through about a 6 month period where he was a child from hell and his interests turned to slapping people's butts REALLY hard. Like he'd wind up. I was on the phone with my girlfriend's mother while she was watching him one morning and I hear a slap and then her scream, "Logan, we talked about this!" It is by far the funniest thing that he ever did. He's 6 now and he's completely outgrown the butt-hitting stage.
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Oct 6, 2015 15:30
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The responsible thing to do is to keep the fish in an appropriate environment, not a desktop fish bowl. It's not responsible to get animals you can't care for properly. princecoo posted:gently caress it, goldfish are cheap as poo poo, Not a good attitude to teach children. I like to rescue hamsters that have been returned because of lovely parents teaching their kids that animals are only worth what you pay for them and can be abandoned when you get bored so I'm a little biased here. A goon's kid named my ham Circle Cat, which is one of my favourite things a child has ever said 
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Oct 6, 2015 15:46
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Eponine posted:I was on the phone with my girlfriend's mother while she was watching him one morning and I hear a slap and then her scream, "Logan, we talked about this!" It is by far the funniest thing that he ever did. My niece is still too young for serious saying poo poo but she's finally got a couple obvious words. I was trying to Facetime with her and my sister yesterday and instead it turned into her looking at one of their cats in the background, looking at my face in the phone and yelling "KITTY!" with the biggest poo poo-eating grin on her face. I look forward to future saying of poo poo. teenytinymouse posted:A goon's kid named my ham Circle Cat, which is one of my favourite things a child has ever said , then realized you probably meant hamster and felt dumb.
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Oct 6, 2015 16:36
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Thanks guys. Son is fine. Doc said it was probably some type of plant he touched. Got some Benadryl and finally went to sleep around 1 AM. He is very much a goon though. I've never met a more farting person in my life who is obsessed with iPhones, hates HTC phones, and is picky about hats. Cheers.
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Oct 6, 2015 17:28
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Soulex posted:He is very much a goon though. I've never met a more farting person in my life who is obsessed with iPhones, hates HTC phones, and is picky about hats. Start worrying if he says "No, Dad, that's a trilby not a fedora"
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Oct 7, 2015 01:39
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4 year old is in the shower, singing. I move closer to the bathroom, so I can hear him. "Wiener, wiener, wieeeeeener! Wiener, wiener, wieNER!" I silently laugh, and go get Dad to hear the Wiener Tribute. We're being quiet, since I don't want him to stop singing. He then shouts, "Hey MOM! Can you hear my awesome wiener song?!" 7 year old brings home a completed worksheet from school. Was supposed to draw an animal that lives in the forest, and in the ocean [respectively.] I can't tell what he's drawn, so I ask him. He drew a Sasquatch, and a Sea Serpent. Of course he did.
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Oct 9, 2015 20:31
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Today I found my autograph from when I was about 7. Flipping through the pages I found I'd got my grandparents to sign it, then between their signatures I had written, in crude 7 years old handwriting "loves", so it read "M. Bone loves J. Bone". I lost my grandmother two months ago so this would have been a very sentimental moment, had 7 year old me not also appended the following at the bottom of the page: "PS SHE HAS SEX WITH HIM"
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Oct 11, 2015 22:25
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My stepdad, dying of lung cancer, was asked by my younger brother about quitting smoking. "Have you tried the cold turkey remedy?" Stepdad replies "Cold turkey remedy? Do you even know what that means?" Brother answers "I dunno, I guess you eat a lot of cold turkey or something?"
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Oct 12, 2015 02:08
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Let's see, some more gems from my niece: "Hey Nana, I have magic ice powers. Close your eyes and I'll show you." *dumps glass of water on Nanas head, runs away laughing* When Papa had his car wreck, we got some touching calls from her while he recouperated in the hospital: "Papa, were you killed?" "Papa, when are you coming home? ....a week? But I love you! *tears*" We attended her mother's baby shower yesterday, and she tried to compete in one of the games (empty a baby bottle of apple juice through the nipple). When she lost she wailed like she'd broken a bone. She still loves rock and roll, for the record (finally got her to stop throwing up the horns at everything, like when her food arrives at a restaurant). But now she loves Frozen more and everything sucks. gently caress you, Disney.
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Oct 12, 2015 20:00
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Babies Are Tiny Drunk Adults, Exhibit 105x-B
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Oct 12, 2015 20:11
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Niece wanted to draw me. This is the first time she draws anything else than random strokes so I was quite flattered.  "You're in jail!" "Thanks."
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Oct 12, 2015 20:21
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Looks like a corndog that's bleeding out
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Oct 12, 2015 21:44
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I donated blood the other day and was in the post donation area where they give you a snack and a drink. A little girl was talking to the volunteer and started hopping around. Kangaroos hop like this. *Hops around* Kangaroos come from Australia. Sometimes people call Australia "The Underworld" I think.
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Oct 12, 2015 22:58
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I was taking the bus home from class the other day, and a family of three (dad, maybe 12 year old boy and a 5 year old girl) were going to get out: the bus is the only one to my knowledge that turns left at the intersection where they got out instead of going straight through and the family seemed confused so I told the dad what was going on when the bus was turning because he was starting to freak out in that way one does when public transit does something unexpected, so I told him that it would stop just ahead and he would only be a block away from where he wanted to get off. He thanked me, and when the bus stopped and they got off I could hear the girl go "Daddy, don't talk to strangers! "
ManlyGrunting has a new favorite as of 06:00 on Oct 13, 2015 |
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Oct 13, 2015 02:12
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Tea Bone posted:I'm 6'7", I just heard a kid in the supermarket tell his Granddad:
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Oct 13, 2015 03:35
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A teacher told a kid that he was 20 years older than him. Kid refuses to beleive the teacher is older than him and replies "No. I was the first to be born.".
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Oct 13, 2015 23:13
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"Don't worry, buddy, Auntie Cath is just being silly." Is someone controlling you?Dude, you're three, where do you pick up these things?
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Oct 14, 2015 00:46
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FreudianSlippers posted:A teacher told a kid that he was 20 years older than him. Kid refuses to believe the teacher is older than him and replies "No. I was the first to be born.". Heh, my 4 year old does a variation of this: "Mommy, when I was old and you were the kid, I used to do crafts with you too!" Um, not quite kiddo, but points for trying.
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Oct 14, 2015 02:41
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Speaking of weird toy names, my (then 4) brother got a couple of cheap plastic whale toys on a family trip to Cape Cod. He named them Sheena and Poonday. Then he fell in love with a lobster claw, named it Stan after my great-uncle, and insisted on sleeping with it every night until Stan "accidentally" got smashed underneath a book OH WHOOPS. gently caress you, Stan.
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Oct 14, 2015 06:14
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bringmyfishback posted:Then he fell in love with a lobster claw, named it Stan after my great-uncle, and insisted on sleeping with it every night until Stan "accidentally" got smashed underneath a book OH WHOOPS. gently caress you, Stan. This reminds me of the time my friend and I were at Blockbuster. I was vaguely aware of a family searching for a movie. The daughter, maybe six years old, picked up "Cheaper by the Dozen" and carried it to her dad. "Dad! Dad! 'Cheaper by the Dozen'!! 'Cheaper by the Dozen'!!" Typical kid stuff and I wasn't really paying attention. The dad kinda brushed her off so she came back by me to put the movie back on the shelf, the whole time chanting softly "Cheaper by the dozen. Cheaper by the dozen. Cheaper by the dozen." That gets my attention and I look over at her and she's got a 12 inch crab claw in one hand that she's waving with the beat of her chant, looking very determined to watch this movie. To this day, whenever my friend or I want something really bad we'll chant "cheaper by the dozen" and shake our index finger like that claw. Shoozy has a new favorite as of 13:11 on Oct 14, 2015 |
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Oct 14, 2015 11:57
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Five year old: Ghosts are real. I've seen them. They can squeeze under doors because they are made of light. Thats why you can't see them anymore when you turn on the lights. But they're still there.
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Oct 16, 2015 15:35
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FreudianSlippers posted:Five year old: My niece has now decided, since she knows a word, that everything in a questioning intonation must be answered with "KITTY" and it's pretty great.
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Oct 16, 2015 16:54
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bringmyfishback posted:Then he fell in love with a lobster claw, named it Stan after my great-uncle, and insisted on sleeping with it every night until Stan "accidentally" got smashed underneath a book OH WHOOPS. gently caress you, Stan. My little brother had a favorite bath toy that was something like this. It was a little penguin that you put under water and it popped back up making little squeaking sounds. He named it Tubby Tooter and was inseparable from it for years. Then some years later (brothers about 8/9 at this point) my mum was going through old toys and gave it away at a jumble sale. He was absolutely heart broken.
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Oct 16, 2015 17:13
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My 5 year old son just choked on water at a drinking fountain because I was using the other one and had 'scared [him] out of his balls'. I told him certain body parts were bad words for little kids. His response was 'uhhhg. You're twisting my nipples dad'.
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Oct 17, 2015 00:35
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I spent most of the last week with my friends and their insanely energetic and friendly three year old. Whenever we were planning on heading out somewhere and the adults were drafting their feet, the kid would run around the house screaming "Let's go, let's go! It's the hour! IT'S THE HOUR!" He also decided that the pony he rode on at the fair was named Karen, and the dragon hand puppet I bought him was named Timmy. Once he figured out how to work Timmy's mouth, he used it to bite our fingers and laughed hysterically when we pretended to cry out in pain.
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Oct 17, 2015 03:03
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Crow Jane posted:the kid would run around the house screaming "Let's go, let's go! It's the hour! IT'S THE HOUR!" Does this kid speak Spanish perhaps?
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Oct 17, 2015 03:28
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Nope, only English. His parents have no idea where it came from.
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Oct 17, 2015 03:44
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I revived my old Twitter account from 6 years ago so I didn't have to mess around with getting a new one (I wanted to send a question to someone). So I read through my old tweets from when I used to post about baby and kid stuff, and found this gem: 4yo to his 21mo brother: "Thank you for being a dude." Around the same time, the 4-year-old: Corbin: Did you go boat? Me: Vote? In the election? Corbin: Yeah. Me: Yes, I voted. Corbin: Did you watch out for sharks?
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Oct 17, 2015 04:48
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Crow Jane posted:...the adults were drafting their feet... Not to derail, but I've never seen this phrase. Does it mean they were putting on their shoes?
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Oct 17, 2015 12:38
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