What is your biggest "We shall never speak of this again" moment?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > What is your biggest "We shall never speak of this again" moment?

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Nefarious: Sep 26, 2000; by XyloJW

every time i sleep a trusted friend sneaks into my room and sucks my dick. i can tell from the way he acts. that's not why i carry a 7 inch knife everywhere i go, though

that's for the stickymen

# ? Nov 4, 2015 16:38

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# ? May 2, 2024 14:46

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

I got really drunk and spent the night watching anime with my sisters friend

# ? Nov 4, 2015 16:56

Ether Drunk: Jan 31, 2007

One time an old buddy of mine who was "totally straight", came to my bar, did a bunch of shots, and then wanted to go back to my place.

I give him the dick suck of his life, like he'll never have a woman give even a tenth of the pleasure for as long a he lives, and then he passes out right after. Very selfish

Anyway, he wakes up in the morning and is super gay about the whole thing and leaves in a huff. Never spoke to him again

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:11

old beast lunatic: Nov 3, 2004; by Hand Knit

Ether Drunk posted:

One time an old buddy of mine who was "totally straight", came to my bar, did a bunch of shots, and then wanted to go back to my place.

I give him the dick suck of his life, like he'll never have a woman give even a tenth of the pleasure for as long a he lives, and then he passes out right after. Very selfish

Anyway, he wakes up in the morning and is super gay about the whole thing and leaves in a huff. Never spoke to him again

This is rude. Invite him back out and demand dick compensation. If he starts acting squirmy about it stand on the bar and describe his dick in great detail very loudly.

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:14

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Ether Drunk posted:

One time an old buddy of mine who was "totally straight", came to my bar, did a bunch of shots, and then wanted to go back to my place.

I give him the dick suck of his life, like he'll never have a woman give even a tenth of the pleasure for as long a he lives, and then he passes out right after. Very selfish

Anyway, he wakes up in the morning and is super gay about the whole thing and leaves in a huff. Never spoke to him again

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:23

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

Magnus Gallant posted:

Well I'm no longer drunk but I'm still too tall to sick my own dick

That's cool. Now tell us why it was 'too late' to report a rape? Under-reporting is a serious problem.

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:36

Magnus Gallant: Mar 9, 2010; by Lowtax; Grimey Drawer

Darth123123 posted:

That's cool. Now tell us why it was 'too late' to report a rape? Under-reporting is a serious problem.

It's embarrassing

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:39

Lowtax: Nov 16, 1999; by Skyl3lazer

Magnus Gallant posted:

It's embarrassing

It makes much more sense to go to GBS to report being raped than the police, the cops might laugh at you

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:46

LadyAmbien: Oct 22, 2015

Lowtax posted:

It makes much more sense to go to GBS to report being raped than the police, the cops might laugh at you

Oh, Rich...

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:49

Magnus Gallant: Mar 9, 2010; by Lowtax; Grimey Drawer

Lowtax posted:

It makes much more sense to go to GBS to report being raped than the police, the cops might laugh at you

I didnt intend to do this, but I did.

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:51

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

Magnus Gallant posted:

It's embarrassing

wow so I presume if it was a women you'd have the same reaction. Seems like open rape season on Magnus Gallant.

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:55

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

Lowtax posted:

It makes much more sense to go to GBS to report being raped than the police, the cops might laugh at you

here on gbs, we will at least console you first and then laugh when you're not looking

# ? Nov 4, 2015 17:58

Tite Barnacle: Jun 4, 2014; Meowdy Purrdner; Grimey Drawer

Lowtax posted:

It makes much more sense to go to GBS to report being raped than the police, the cops might laugh at you

harsh, man, harsh

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:00

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

Darth123123 posted:

wow so I presume if it was a women you'd have the same reaction. Seems like open rape season on Magnus Gallant.

you mean if a woman had her dick sucked?

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:01

Weener Beater: May 4, 2010

Magnus Gallant posted:

It's embarrassing

I think you should suppress your feelings by having sex with as many women as you can with your giant cock

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:24

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

Weener Beater posted:

I think you should suppress your feelings by having sex with as many women as you can with your giant cock

I like ur username

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:27

Weener Beater: May 4, 2010

Darth123123 posted:

I like ur username

Thank you

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:33

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

Weener Beater posted:

I think you should suppress your feelings by having sex with as many women as you can with your giant cock

does this work for everyone?

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:38

LadyAmbien: Oct 22, 2015

symbolic posted:

does this work for everyone?

Works for me.

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:45

damn horror queefs: Oct 14, 2005; say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator

Lowtax posted:

Please don't mention broad strokes, it's a trigger for Magnus Gallant.

lol jesus christ

In a shocking twist, the thread has itself become something better left unspoken of for the rest of our lives.

# ? Nov 4, 2015 18:57

Nefarious: Sep 26, 2000; by XyloJW

i can tell from the way you're acting that most of you have sucked my dick while i slept

# ? Nov 4, 2015 22:03

Zombiepop: Mar 30, 2010

I have twice turned down sex(with women who then proceeded to gently caress me anyway, one of them then stole my cap the morning after and the other one is a distant friend that I barely see. Its weird but whenever I tell someone I just get high fives?

# ? Nov 4, 2015 22:24

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

loving this new rape thread, great work returning GBS to the golden age

# ? Nov 4, 2015 22:46

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

feedmegin posted:

Gay and human being don't mean homosexual. Hope that helps.

# ? Nov 4, 2015 22:52

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

china bot posted:

loving this new rape thread, great work returning GBS to the golden age

Thank you for the constructive criticism!!!!!!!!!

!!!

# ? Nov 4, 2015 23:10

Prince Reggie K: Feb 12, 2007; I've been denied all the best Ultra-Sex.

I was visiting my then girlfriend back in college at her parents' house. Had a great time, then while leaving, I hit her mailbox backing up. It was dark and she was still inside. AFAIK she didn't see it happen, so I parked the car and propped the box back, had to step on the dirt near the pole to keep it standing. Like 3 days later she was telling me someone had vandalized their mailbox. One of my deepest, darkest, secrets. lol

# ? Nov 5, 2015 00:30

wane tendo: Mar 19, 2005; Buglord

during our last year at scout camp me and my friends made fun of one of the instructors so badly that he pissed his pants in front of all of us while teaching forestry merit badge. we told him to go get cleaned up and we never told anyone about it.

# ? Nov 5, 2015 01:10

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

carrion kit posted:

during our last year at scout camp me and my friends made fun of one of the instructors so badly that he pissed his pants in front of all of us while teaching forestry merit badge. we told him to go get cleaned up and we never told anyone about it.

What'd you say to make that happen? Burn the forest? Beaver 4evr?

# ? Nov 5, 2015 01:15

Lowtax: Nov 16, 1999; by Skyl3lazer

china bot posted:

loving this new rape thread, great work returning GBS to the golden age

I was entertained by it.

# ? Nov 5, 2015 01:19

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Jukeboxblues posted:

This one time I had to kiss this dudes sick mole rat thing. It was pretty hosed up but apparently I was the only one who could fix it? lol he probably couldn't be bothered calling a vet or something so I was happy to help out in the end but 9yo me actually thought I was the only one who could save it. It threw up everywhere when I was done kissing it but he said that means I cured it. Poor little thing didn't even want to come out of the hat!

E: He told me not to tell anyone as he might get in trouble because he didn't take it to the vet but he was a nice dude. He used to watch over me as I played all the time.

I'm going to give this underappreciated post of a few pages back the attention it deserves, and ask: The "sick mole rat thing" in the dude's hat that he talked you into kissing.... was his hat perchance sitting in his lap when he showed it to you?

[Edit: With apologies for making a post unrelated to sucking Magnus Gallant's dick, all the talk of which, though I'm not gay, has me veritably salivating.]

BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 03:32 on Nov 5, 2015

# ? Nov 5, 2015 03:11

SPACE HOMOS: Jan 12, 2005

LOL Did you know that 1 out of 4 forums posters are raped and don't report it to the nearest moderator?

# ? Nov 5, 2015 03:45

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

BigBadSteve posted:

I'm going to give this underappreciated post of a few pages back the attention it deserves, and ask: The "sick mole rat thing" in the dude's hat that he talked you into kissing.... was his hat perchance sitting in his lap when he showed it to you?

[Edit: With apologies for making a post unrelated to sucking Magnus Gallant's dick, all the talk of which, though I'm not gay, has me veritably salivating.]

This is an extremely fail post

# ? Nov 5, 2015 03:54

klapman: Aug 27, 2012; this char is good

SPACE HOMOS posted:

LOL Did you know that 1 out of 4 forums posters are raped and don't report it to the nearest moderator?

the three heard about the one who did

e: what the gently caress i had a chance at a slam dunk and i missed it. leaving this here to record my shame

# ? Nov 5, 2015 03:57

Magnus Gallant: Mar 9, 2010; by Lowtax; Grimey Drawer

SPACE HOMOS posted:

LOL Did you know that 1 out of 4 forums posters are raped and don't report it to the nearest moderator?

Not this guy

klapman posted:

the three heard about the one who did

e: what the gently caress i had a chance at a slam dunk and i missed it. leaving this here to record my shame

LOL what were you going for?

# ? Nov 5, 2015 04:00

wane tendo: Mar 19, 2005; Buglord

code:

42.	INT.  BILL'S KITCHEN - DAY

JOHNNY sits at the table with the funnies.  BILL is sipping
coffee, reading the paper.

TIMMY runs around in the b.g.

BILL
	Where's Billy?

JOHNNY
	Watching TV.

BILL
	How come you're not playing together?

JOHNNY
	I don't know. Billy just said
	he didn't feel like it.
(a beat)
	Dr. Maplewood?

BILL
	Yes?

JOHNNY
	Can you drive me home now?

BILL
	Well, sure, but are you
	having a good time?

JOHNNY
	I'm not feeling so well.

BILL
	What's the matter?

JOHNNY
	I don't know. I think.

He throws up on the funnies.


43.	INT.  CAR - DAY.						43.

BILL is driving JOHNNY home.

JOHNNY
	Dr. Maplewood?

BILL
	Yes, Johnny?

JOHNNY
	I'm sorry I threw up.

BILL
	Don't worry about it.

JOHNNY
	'Cause I really had a good time.

BILL
	Good. Billy did too. We all did.

BILL puts his arm around him affectionately.  JOHNNY, very
sleepy, leans in close against him.

JOHNNY
	Dr. Maplewood?

BILL
	Yes, Johnny?

JOHNNY
	You're so cool.

And he falls asleep, his head sinking into BILL'S lap.

A string of saliva drips from JOHNNY's lips onto BILL's
pants.

# ? Nov 5, 2015 04:03