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Colin Mockery
Jun 24, 2007
Rawr



Here is an example of how this could have been phrased better:


"The $150 overage in April was drugs. It was a backslide and I'm not doing it anymore.

Sorry I lied about the overage in August. I'm not ready to talk about it right now, but I'll try to tell the thread in the future. I know I couldn't afford it, but I'm not ready to talk about it. It was not drugs [assuming it wasn't drugs].

This is what I'm doing with my budget, per advice from person A, person B, and person C (sorry persons D, E, and F, but their reasoning made the most sense to me, so you can take it up with them if you think it's the wrong call, but I can't make both of you happy): (whatever advice you're taking)."


Notable things: taking credit for your mistake, explaining why you won't talk about your other mistake, making your next decision clear, and frankly, if you're taking someone else's advice (and I know I have a more lax finance approach than most people and I'll happily take the blame and defend why I think my way is more useful/potentially successful for you if/when I have the time), you shouldn't feel afraid to say "this person gave me this advice and it made sense so that's why I chose it".

Right now I think you need to take a few hours (take the rest of the workday at least) away from the thread to chill out and let people in the thread do their lashing out (people are understandably upset about having been lied to) and let everyone calm down for a bit and get a breather.

Come back in a few hours, preferably after dinner or something, and read the thread and see what people have to say and make a decision.



EDIT: I have to actually do work right now but I'll try to post some more when I get home later tonight or whatever. Just remember that people are lashing out because they feel betrayed and are upset about it and it might be rude but people do genuinely want you to succeed and mostly they're lashing out because they feel like they're being blamed for your mistakes (because you're blaming them for your mistakes) and because no one likes being lied to when they're genuinely trying to help you.

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Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal

Old Fart posted:

It's like you're not even reading your own thread.

The bullshit artist who just spent pages lying to everybody has earned being taken down a few pegs. Shut up and take it.

You still don't get it. It's not the fuckup that draws ire. It's the way you go about it after the fact.

But yes, it's the thread's fault you wasted $2000 worth of therapy sessions on who the gently caress knows what. All our fault. You'd be successful if it weren't for that darn Internet!

So all of this, you tell me OF what does honesty about poo poo bring to the table now that you've seen it in full swing? Before it was simply an overage, a footnote. Now I'm a cokehead chain smoking alcohol literally oppressing my family and I spend $2000 a month on vices every single month.

The fuckup doesn't draw ire you're right. It draws judgement. I don't need a bunch of strangers judging me on details that frankly don't matter in a financial thread.

Colin Mockery
Jun 24, 2007
Rawr



Also one last thing:

Frankly, as long as you're not at the point of "my marriage is on the rocks because the wife's cheating with me but we can't break up because we have two kids so we're going to try an open marriage or whatever because she insists on banging this guy and I have nothing else i can do about it" like Cornholio was or whatever the gently caress, then ultimately as long as you can fit your dumb vices into a budget, it's not thaaaaat big of a deal.

Emphasis: FIT YOUR DUMB VICES IN A BUDGET

bringer
Oct 16, 2005

I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT

Knyteguy posted:

I don't need a bunch of strangers judging me on details that frankly don't matter in a financial thread.

Really? Some people in this thread might disagree. You even know one of them:

Knyteguy posted:

Purpose of thread and how we'll meet our goals:
The main reason I created this thread was for accountability and to get help reaching our goals.

The details are you spent $2000 without budgeting. You are being held accountable for that and the fact that you are so cagey about it makes people assume the worst because you've repeatedly tried to hide away bad habits and purchases.

You can either take your licks or close the thread. Getting combative does no one any favours and people popping in to shitpost are a lot less invested in your success than you are / should be.

Ninja Bob
Nov 20, 2002




Bleak Gremlin

Knyteguy posted:

Now I'm a cokehead chain smoking alcohol literally oppressing my family and I spend $2000 a month on vices every single month.

You're right, the hyperbole about this is dumb. Understandable to some extent, because people do get pissed off about being lied to, but it's not helpful. I think the best response for you, though, isn't to hide things because you're afraid of these reactions, but to be honest, and ignore the reactions that are clearly hyperbolic. Read all the feedback, take it seriously, but if it obviously doesn't apply to you, feel free to discard it. Assuming you're being honest here, you're not a cokehead. So don't worry about it, and don't respond to that point. All these BFC threads will have some posts that are just pointless making GBS threads on the OP, but you have to be self-aware enough to sift through those. The vast majority of people are trying to help you, even though it's frustrating.

I'm rooting for you, but you have to be honest. And you might as well come clean about the $2000.

RheaConfused
Jan 22, 2004

I feel the need.
The need... for
:sparkles: :sparkles:
I knew that $2k was bullshit the minute you tried to say that posting more than one screenshot was just too much effort.

Just be honest. I've said it before and I'll say it again, stop hiding now poo poo and it will be better for everyone. I don't loving care how many times you harp on how you've only outright lied to the thread twice or what the gently caress ever, you have been hiding poo poo and still are. Don't you realize how much worse it is when you hide it and we can all see it and then it comes out?

Star War Sex Parrot
Oct 2, 2003

Knyteguy posted:

And no August wasn't illicit drug use, nor anything illegal, nor anything I'm hiding from my wife, nor gambling, nor any vice at all.
Was it a gun for home defense?

Iron Lung
Jul 24, 2007
Life.Iron Lung. Death.
Sorry if I missed this, but why don't you have any insurance? I understand your wife because of the new job, but why don't you?

Where did the $2k in August go? You already spilled half the beans, might as well just fess up and let the thread convulse for a while longer since it's already happening. My guess is another car.

OneWhoKnows
Dec 6, 2006
I choo choo choooose you!
KG, you're treating each incident as if they're on their own island wherein you gently caress up then fess up and feel you (and everyone else) should move past it and get on with talking about budgets --- because you're a learned man and there's no reason to dwell on it.

However, the rest of the thread doesn't see these as isolated incidents, rather a pile that keeps getting more poo poo thrown on top.

I get it, you're tired of being told how wrong you are and how much you've hosed up because nobody is going to beat you up over this poo poo more than you, right? If that's your thinking/attitude, you're in for a cyclical thread and a lot of the posters here feel like they're midway through the Indy 500.

Just look back at some of the broken promises, like the budgeting challenge for considerable donations. That one was personally disappointing. There's a pattern, you just need to reflect on it without excuses to see it.

Rurutia
Jun 11, 2009

Knyteguy posted:

A very real point about what? That I did cocaine once in the past 12 years, and before that I was a teenager? What the gently caress point is that?

The point is that your overages (partially attributable to the cocaine and smoking, etc) could've paid for a therapist who works with low-income uninsured people. Where there's a will there's a way and the fact that you chose (maybe unconsciously) to spend it on the cigarettes and cocaine and whatever else shows that you haven't placed enough importance on just what therapy can do for you in improving your well-being.

quote:

And yeah insulting people isn't a very good way to get them to hear the rest of their point. That's dysfunctional communication.

You're on SA, if you want advice delivered to you in perfectly wrapped packages, then you should go see a therapist.

I know you said in November 1st. I'm only emphasizing so you know that you should stick to that deadline at the very least because it's important. And for most of us, we think you should've gone months ago.

savesthedayrocks
Mar 18, 2004
Post the Star Wars room August overage

spwrozek
Sep 4, 2006

Sail when it's windy

Honestly at this point if I was KG I would leave the forums for the rest of the month. Don't look at it. Go home reach day, play with your kid, gently caress JO, and chill out. Don't spend money on any toys, just be with family and get a fresh start. Come back October 31 and post the budget and plan you are JO agree to (use the time to figure out a real plan and what you really want). Then stick to the budget.

I don't think much good is coming out of the thread right now for you.

BarbarianElephant
Feb 12, 2015
The fairy of forgiveness has removed your red text.
I'm wondering if all Knyteguy's problems with budget come down to substances... Cigarette and alcohol and now coke (wow I never realized it was so expensive, I'm sheltered!) Even dumb impulse purchases might be explained by drinking. He sure is getting veeeeery defensive about it. I think therapy is really the only thing that could help right now. It's expensive but if you need it, it's a false economy not to. In my experience therapists don't take insurance, so why put it off due to insurance?

Old Fart
Jul 25, 2013

Knyteguy posted:

So all of this, you tell me OF what does honesty about poo poo bring to the table now that you've seen it in full swing? Before it was simply an overage, a footnote. Now I'm a cokehead chain smoking alcohol literally oppressing my family and I spend $2000 a month on vices every single month.

The fuckup doesn't draw ire you're right. It draws judgement. I don't need a bunch of strangers judging me on details that frankly don't matter in a financial thread.
Horking Delight nailed it. Go read that post again.

You make the mistake of thinking that your current nugget of honesty is viewed in isolation. It's not, it's part of this whole month of being an rear end in a top hat to everybody. And you're still doing it. You're treating us as if we're stupid, and we don't like that. You drop a nugget about April and still don't come clean about August and you have the loving balls to get indignant about it when people still treat you as if you're being evasive. (Spoiler: you're still being evasive.)

Do you seriously not see this pattern? It's the same with your spending. You see each action in isolation and refuse to acknowledge let alone try to understand the greater context.

And people here would have been willing to help you with that, but you continue to lie and evade and blame others for your own fuckups.

Grow the gently caress up already. Stop acting like a bratty teenager. gently caress.

Old Greg
Jun 16, 2008
You have a lot of great responses in here over the last two pages Knyteguy. Even the ones with swears and yelling. I mean that. That isn't a joke. Some people are pissed. There's still a lot of good advice in here. Old Fart has lost what little patience he had with you, and that's understandable, and he's got some great questions and points.

Having said that? Number one question to ponder really is "Is it time for a break? Should it be permanent?"

You're saying the thread helps you stick to the budget, but we just got a brilliant history post about how you've actually been ramping up in terms of blowing budget caps.

You say the thread holds you accountable, but you're treating it as something to be tricked and lied to. That's important, and I honestly don't care about your reasons. You're doing it. This is a resource here to help you and this is the equivalent of downplaying your smoking habit to your doctor. And it's now part of how you approach the thread, is to not get yelled at. So the thread just can't help you as much anymore.

This thread can be really helpful. But honest to gently caress I don't think it can help you anymore. You, as you currently are, and as you currently regard the thread. Maybe the thread is helping? Maybe you'd have blown 10k on a car and be going out to eat every night without it? But man, it's really loving hard to see what you can get out of this as you currently are.



Especially the defensiveness. People saying the thread might be doing more harm than good are on point. Some people are irked off by it, but the real danger is every single time you have a budget overage or unnecessary spending trip to detail you have excuses. For why it was needed, for why it was not that bad, for why you learned from it. And that's gonna sink in to your brain and your way of thinking about your purchases. As a third party reading your posts it doesn't sound like you've thought a single purchase was straight bad in months. Not even a "I got drunk and bought this. poo poo!" excuse. If you disagree with that assessment, then again, this thread probably can't help you with spending, because we all see the danger in you getting hyped for just how you're gonna get to that weight set oH MAN CAN'T WAIT.

It really feels like, if you didn't have a spending problem, budgeting for the weights would be easy. Literally as easy as saying "I'll knock $20 out of discretionary for a few months!" That isn't easy for you. You need more than you budget for discretionary historically. So budgeting for weights is hard. And I don't see where the current thread helps current you to get more chill and spend less so you can buy things like these no hassle.

Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal

spwrozek posted:

Honestly at this point if I was KG I would leave the forums for the rest of the month. Don't look at it. Go home reach day, play with your kid, gently caress JO, and chill out. Don't spend money on any toys, just be with family and get a fresh start. Come back October 31 and post the budget and plan you are JO agree to (use the time to figure out a real plan and what you really want). Then stick to the budget.

I don't think much good is coming out of the thread right now for you.

I like this idea. I need to go over all the posts from the past few days anyhow, as the thread has been moving too quickly for me to take anything in.

Going to close this thread temporarily. I'll see you guys on October 30th. The ~$2500 (we took some parts back and used it as income in September I think) was spent on PC parts and another monitor so we could upgrade my PC. My wife took my old parts. It was mostly a new build on my side, and I gave her my old components and we bought her a keyboard, mouse, and monitor. Her computer is having the problems mentioned previously, which are my old components.

Anyway I obviously should have done this better. I won't justify it, because it was a poorly planned impulse purchase. I wanted to buy it then, so I did.

I'll read over your guys' posts over the next couple of weeks, and my wife and I can formulate a plan and figure out what we're really trying to accomplish.

Feel free to hit me up in PMs. I'll be back though.

And I'm sorry I was dishonest. That was never my intention when I started. Things simply kept spinning out of control, as lies tend to do.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 02:43 on Oct 15, 2015

Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal
October



Synopsis:
  • We paid ourselves back from the budget for our second car.
  • Bad on restaurants/entertainment (new category includes Netflix and a dual contribution from our discretionary funds)/my discretionary.
  • Groceries was over but we went lower than we expected, and some of it was bought on the 31st for November. It reflects in October, but I lowered the November contribution accordingly.
  • Good on just about everything else.
  • Our secured credit card is now a real credit card (successfully upgraded). We still have to deposit that $300 check.

Probably going to buy a weight set today. $135 cash for this bench: http://www.amazon.com/Marcy-Diamond-Olympic-Bench/dp/B0161OOOEG plus 100# of standard weights from a lady who needs the money for bills on Craigslist. Very gently used equipment too. It's not what I'd like ideally (especially standard weights), but it's a start. I'll probably supplement with DIY battle ropes and 5 gallon water jugs for barbells until we're ready for more. I've grown soft over the years. Mens sana in corpore sano. Probably another $100 over the course of the next few months. I'll take the bench and weights out of the car maintenance fund for anyone wondering.

I was advised to keep the thread open for a few days, but I'm not ready for that yet. I know I've been lovely at PMs with everyone, and I still need to get back to one of you, but please feel free to hit me up if you want. I'll try to respond sooner. Lot of personal stuff has been going on lately that I don't want to go into. Starting therapy ~soon~. Going to extend the thread sabbatical with another update at the end of the month.

edit: meh I'll keep it open for a little bit since it's being discussed in the general thread anyway. I probably won't reply all that much.

edit 2: OK well I'll be closing the thread at noon PST (10:30am as of this edit). Hit me up with a PM if I close the thread on you mid-reply.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 19:30 on Nov 3, 2015

Devian666
Aug 20, 2008

Take some advice Chris.

Fun Shoe
Good to hear you've managed to get away from having a secured credit card. Hopefully the new card will provide you with a few small benefits.

I know you're dealing with you finances the way you prefer to. While you would be better off following advice from the thread provided you aren't going backwards financially then you'll be ok-ish. If you ever get motivated to significantly improve things at some point in the future then that would be a better time to post a new thread. Then you would get more benefit for the time spent. I hope things do work out for you.

Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal

Devian666 posted:

Good to hear you've managed to get away from having a secured credit card. Hopefully the new card will provide you with a few small benefits.

I know you're dealing with you finances the way you prefer to. While you would be better off following advice from the thread provided you aren't going backwards financially then you'll be ok-ish. If you ever get motivated to significantly improve things at some point in the future then that would be a better time to post a new thread. Then you would get more benefit for the time spent. I hope things do work out for you.

Having the $300 liquid again is pretty nice for sure. It'll just go into our savings. Plus I haven't had a credit card in my name for about 11 years now, so it's nice to have met a little financial responsibility stepping stone.

I'll keep up with monthly updates until I'm in a place that I can go at this again strongly. I feel like we did pretty well in October overall, but there's undoubtedly room to improve still, and most of that means I need to work on my mental health, my marriage, and myself as a father. I'm still not in a place to handle the criticism that the thread will bring, either. That's not on you guys; it's on me. Much of it is benign, but I always have trouble with criticism. I feel like things are looking up right now though. My wife and I talked through a ridiculous amount of future stuff the past couple of weeks, and I feel like things are looking bright. We both want some professional help, so we'll seek that out as soon as possible.

Talk to you guys soon.

e: clarification.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 21:26 on Nov 3, 2015

Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal
Got a weight set as mentioned, and a set of Olympic weights. I'll be selling the 100# of standard weights and bar most likely (prob $75 back).
Going to sell my Oculus Rift. They're going for upwards of $1000 on eBay (cheers to Cicero for letting me know that). I'm going to start at $700 and go down from there every few days if it doesn't sell. I got everything packed up and I just need pictures, which I'll take care of tonight.
Got another credit card. $1000 limit it saved me $50 on the weights to get it. I'll put my wife's phone on autopay and leave it in the folder like the other. No annual fee or anything, and it's a rewards card. The weights have been accounted for in the budget already.

Rift will pay for all of the weights, and the remainder will go into savings. They're selling very well (so they're not just sitting there at asking price), so it should be a safe bet.

To recap we saved about $2,500 or so last month. I'll leave the thread open, but I'll be spending way less time replying I think. Gotta find a balance.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 18:42 on Nov 6, 2015

Referee
Aug 25, 2004

"Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday."
(Wilma Rudolph)

My only comment at this point is that you have to change the mindset of spending in anticipation that something else is going to sell (i.e. the Rift)

Wait until you have the money to spend it. This shouldn't be that complicated.

And did you really just buy two different weight sets in less than a week? This is why you take the time to figure out what you want the first time.

Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal

IllegallySober posted:

My only comment at this point is that you have to change the mindset of spending in anticipation that something else is going to sell (i.e. the Rift)

Wait until you have the money to spend it. This shouldn't be that complicated.

And did you really just buy two different weight sets in less than a week? This is why you take the time to figure out what you want the first time.

Fair enough. I do do that often. I wasn't really stipulating the sale of the Oculus for the purchase of the weights though.

I bought a bench + weight set combo on Craigslist. The deal was good enough that the weights included ended up being "free" as a buyer, and cuts the cost in half or more when I sell them.

Some more updates:
We started shopping at the most inexpensive grocery store in town again. This will probably cut grocery costs by $50/mo, but I won't adjust it until we're sure of that.

1 month with no energy drinks. They've been mentioned quite a few times in here as frivolous expenses, so I thought I'd update.

We're now insured again. I've been looking for a therapist who specializes in finances.

I didn't quit smoking. I'll try this weekend since my wife and I are trying to better our health starting today. I'll update on Monday if wanted.

Edit: Simplified the post. I need to be more concise if I'm going to continue doing this.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 19:31 on Nov 6, 2015

dreesemonkey
May 14, 2008
Pillbug

Knyteguy posted:

We're now insured again. I've been looking for a therapist who specializes in finances.

I really do think though that if you and Janus planned your budget/meals/family activities better your anxiety / frustration / depression surrounding your finances would be all but gone. Personally, I think the best part of being "good with money", aside from looking down my nose at the paycheck-to-paycheck pleebs (I'm at least half kidding), is the stress reduction about bills and/or unforeseen costs.

Your "luxury" purchases are not planned for (2nd car, weights, occulus, 1.5 new PCs), so you buy them anyway and then have to play the budget switcharoo shell game to try and squeeze it into your budget. Which then stresses you out and makes you feel like you don't have control.

Not planned for does not mean "we've been talking about this for a while", it means "we've been talking about this for a while and have been saving towards that and we have the money for it".

This counts for pretty much all purchases, big or small. We had a 3-paycheck month last month and since we're living a month ahead we've been making lists of things we would like to get with the "extra" money. That goes from saving $1000 towards a bathroom remodel to something as stupid as "I want to buy some storage bins" or "I like this sweatshirt". Hell, we've started saving for our 10 year anniversary trip that, at the time, was 4 years away yet.

PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING.

PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING.

I think this thread is mostly a curse, since it's going to be a huge stressor. I'd like to see you still keep it open, and like you said, just read/respond less. The BFC crew can be overly critical and harsh, but the overlying advice of everyone to "Save your money to buy things you want" is still valid, all hyperbole/hurtful words aside.

Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal

dreesemonkey posted:

I really do think though that if you and Janus planned your budget/meals/family activities better your anxiety / frustration / depression surrounding your finances would be all but gone. Personally, I think the best part of being "good with money", aside from looking down my nose at the paycheck-to-paycheck pleebs (I'm at least half kidding), is the stress reduction about bills and/or unforeseen costs.

Your "luxury" purchases are not planned for (2nd car, weights, occulus, 1.5 new PCs), so you buy them anyway and then have to play the budget switcharoo shell game to try and squeeze it into your budget. Which then stresses you out and makes you feel like you don't have control.

Not planned for does not mean "we've been talking about this for a while", it means "we've been talking about this for a while and have been saving towards that and we have the money for it".

This counts for pretty much all purchases, big or small. We had a 3-paycheck month last month and since we're living a month ahead we've been making lists of things we would like to get with the "extra" money. That goes from saving $1000 towards a bathroom remodel to something as stupid as "I want to buy some storage bins" or "I like this sweatshirt". Hell, we've started saving for our 10 year anniversary trip that, at the time, was 4 years away yet.

PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING.

PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING. PLANNING.

I think this thread is mostly a curse, since it's going to be a huge stressor. I'd like to see you still keep it open, and like you said, just read/respond less. The BFC crew can be overly critical and harsh, but the overlying advice of everyone to "Save your money to buy things you want" is still valid, all hyperbole/hurtful words aside.

Haha the Ballmer gif.

So when you get that money from a three paycheck month you do something different with it sometimes?

I like winning/hate losing. That's why I want the thread to not be closed in perpetuity. I don't want to fail at this. At this point I'm less soliciting advice and more just showing what's going on in the week-to-week or monthly stuff, but I guess I could close it. If you guys want me to hang out for a few months and not update just let me know. I've gotten mixed messages over PMs. I could self-impose a posting and reading limit maybe (once a week not at work).

Also you have a baby right? How do you plan for your food and stuff? I feel like we're so stressed for time between all of the stuff that comes with a baby (watching, feeding, taking to get them pictures with my grandma, picking them up, visiting relatives, getting them ready), that we just struggle so much with trying to plan meals and deal with the cleanup of them. We picked up enough meals for dinner and lunches for the next 2 weeks or so, but it was still done on the fly minus a meal or two. I'm sure you can relate to this: sometimes we spend all of an hour together before heading off to bed. We did cook for 3 weeks straight in October, but I feel like we had more time then. I dunno.

How do you define a luxury purchase? I don't really feel like we need anything else at this point. I've cut down video game expenses this year to basically nil, and we've been trying to find hobbies that we can do pretty cheaply. Would weights or a gym be luxury? I consider it a necessity. Same with the second car. Like we want a new couch but I'd consider that a luxury purchase. Oculus I just wanted to try to make money... I wanted to create a virtual reality drum tutor gamified like Rock Band. I mean there's undoubtedly money there.

Thanks for the post.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 20:05 on Nov 6, 2015

No Butt Stuff
Jun 10, 2004

I have 4 kids, two of which are 4 months old, so let me help with the paying for food/diapers/family pictures stuff.

1) Family pictures don't have to happen all that often, and you can get halfway decent ones done at Target for 50 bucks.
2) Get a costco membership. Seriously. The diapers/wipes/formula savings (especially formula) will probably pay for it within a month or two. We also buy a months worth of meat and dry storage items at the beginning of the month, which allows us to just go to Aldi for fruit/vegetables/bread weekly and spend very little.

Planning meals, especially with little ones, is a giant pain in the dick. Grab a couple Costco freezer meals. I think Bertolli pasta is on sale this month. It was pretty good. It also inspired me to then just make my own freezer meals with a bunch of the cheap chicken we've got, so I made a big pot of pasta, some sauce, sauteed chicken, then tossed it all together and put it in a couple freezer bags. 10 minutes in a covered skillet later and we're set. You can do this with a lot of meals.

I also get a pork butt or two a month and smoke them every other weekend, which gives you an excellent protein base for a lot of meals for super cheap. Seriously, a pork butt is a weeks worth of protein and costs like 12 bucks.

Basically, when baby is sleeping or whatever, you do some prep for later. Think of that as part of your winning. It's how I've had to do it.

Anyway, good luck. You'll get there, just get better at discipline. When I used to get paid every other week and got that extra paycheck twice a month it just went to savings. Now I get paid twice a month and don't have that quandry any more.

dreesemonkey
May 14, 2008
Pillbug

Knyteguy posted:

So when you get that money from a three paycheck month you do something different with it sometimes?

Yes. Since we're a month ahead in YNAB and all of our "normal" spending is accounted for in our typical monthly budget (you've got my YNAB data, you can check out our subcategories), anytime we get anything more than our 4 paychecks per month, we can decide whatever the hell to do with it. This is the first time in my life that I felt like a 3 paycheck month actually even mattered, I'd always find a way to spend it before.

Knyteguy posted:

Also you have a baby right? How do you plan for your food and stuff? I feel like we're so stressed for time between all of the stuff that comes with a baby (watching, feeding, taking to get them pictures with my grandma, picking them up, visiting relatives, getting them ready), that we just struggle so much with trying to plan meals and deal with the cleanup of them. We picked up enough meals for dinner and lunches for the next 2 weeks or so, but it was still done on the fly minus a meal or two. I'm sure you can relate to this: sometimes we spend all of an hour together before heading off to bed. We did cook for 3 weeks straight in October, but I feel like we had more time then. I dunno.

I'm not going to lie, kids are hard. We have a daughter who turns one next Wednesday and a 4 year old son. With two kids, the wife and I are rarely around each other. We're very often "I've got this one, you get that one" or "I have the kids, you make dinner" or whatever. There is no easy answer. Even when both the kids are in bed, we usually do our own thing because there's poo poo to do and that's our only free time. Meal planning is hard for us, but it's also gotten a little better now that our daughter is on real people food (you guys shouldn't be too far behind). But if we spend half an hour a month planning meals or the following month, it helps.

Knyteguy posted:

How do you define a luxury purchase? I don't really feel like we need anything else at this point. I've cut down video game expenses this year to basically nil, and we've been trying to find hobbies that we can do pretty cheaply. Would weights or a gym be luxury? I consider it a necessity. Same with the second car. Like we want a new couch but I'd consider that a luxury purchase. Oculus I just wanted to try to make money... I wanted to create a virtual reality drum tutor gamified like Rock Band. I mean there's undoubtedly money there.

A luxury purchase would be just about anything we don't need, but would like to have. I would definitely consider weights/gym membership a luxury. You can get in better shape eating better and walking or running basically for free. You could do bodyweight exercises for some sort of strength training. Another thing that's extremely helpful about planning/savings for wants is you might change your mind. Once you have the $300 for a weight bench and olympic weights you may realize that you don't want them as much as you thought you did.

I gave a few examples in my post but for this month we had some luxuries planned for:
- Wife wanted a particular sweatshirt
- I want some carhartt overalls for winter/snow
- We want new sheets for the bed and new towels
- I wanted to get a bunch of storage bins
- Wife wanted to send some diapers to a friend who just had a baby
- Send flowers to my sister having surgery

Things like videogames (I just bought GTAV for PC last month) come out of my discretionary money. Luxuries like those above would be things we would both decide that were worthy buys for one way or another, but if it's not, it's typically going to be from discretionary spending.

As for the oculus, as good of an idea as it sounds, do you really have the time to dedicate to a huge project like that? If you're struggling to plan meals and spend time with your wife, you're not going to realistically throw in another 20 hour a week project in there.

OBAMNA PHONE
Aug 7, 2002
^Sounds like he's selling it, not buying one.

Its been tough doing meal planning for us too, during the first year of our daughters' life but I can't stress enough how important it is to do bulk meal prepping/cooking. We have a cheap eats meal over in GWS if you need more ideas.

n8r
Jul 3, 2003

I helped Lowtax become a cyborg and all I got was this lousy avatar
KG I hope you and Janus can find therapists that can help you modify your behaviors. I am interested to hear about how your therapy progresses.

Colin Mockery
Jun 24, 2007
Rawr



BraveUlysses posted:

^Sounds like he's selling it, not buying one.

Its been tough doing meal planning for us too, during the first year of our daughters' life but I can't stress enough how important it is to do bulk meal prepping/cooking. We have a cheap eats meal over in GWS if you need more ideas.

Is it too late for him to return it for full instead of selling it?

Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.

Horking Delight posted:

Is it too late for him to return it for full instead of selling it?
Why would he do that when

quote:

They're going for upwards of $1000 on eBay
?

The ~$1000 price is for unopened kits, but still, looks like used kits recently sold for at least $500: http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_sacat=0&_nkw=oculus%20rift%20dk2&LH_Complete=1&LH_Sold=1&rt=nc&_trksid=p2045573.m1684

Inadvertently speculating on pre-release consumer electronics: apparently good with money?

Colin Mockery
Jun 24, 2007
Rawr



Oh wait, right, he paid $350 for his didn't he? For some reason I got it confused with another price. My bad; yeah obviously ebay would be a better deal then.

Old Fart
Jul 25, 2013
Fart.

Baja Mofufu
Feb 7, 2004

Knyteguy posted:

I like winning/hate losing. That's why I want the thread to not be closed in perpetuity. I don't want to fail at this. At this point I'm less soliciting advice and more just showing what's going on in the week-to-week or monthly stuff, but I guess I could close it.

"Put the bumpers on and I'll show a bunch of strangers I'm good at bowling."

I think you got caught in a lie/bad behavior, and you're still stressed and embarrassed over it. That's understandable because posts were getting pretty upsetting at the end there. However if you really don't want advice there isn't much point to keeping the thread open. You can keep track of your progress yourself and come back when you're ready.

Like everyone else here I want you and Janus Owl to succeed, it just seems like the thread may still be too stressful if you aren't ready to engage with other posters.

imabanana
May 26, 2006
Use the thread for advice and don't stress over it so much.

If you'd asked about the weights, I know I'd have chimed in to buy an Olympic set and not waste your time on the first set. Of course, you'd have had the people telling you not to buy anything, so take that into account.

Cythereal
Nov 8, 2009

I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.
Knyteguy, here's the long and short of it: by all evidence in this thread, the people in this thread care more about and pay more attention to your finances than you do.

John Smith
Feb 26, 2015

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Cythereal posted:

Knyteguy, here's the long and short of it: by all evidence in this thread, the people in this thread care more about and pay more attention to your finances than you do.

Knyteguy is weak, and he has now admitted it. I am fine with this. Not everyone can be the best, better to know your limitations and work realistically within them. He should take this time to self-reflect and decide on his best course of action. BFC may not be for him if he feels so sad and helpless when people provide feedback.

I consider this better than the previous situation where he was proclaiming that he was going to achieve FI while performing so-so at best. That was unrealistic.

n8r
Jul 3, 2003

I helped Lowtax become a cyborg and all I got was this lousy avatar
KG & Janus can still get their finances under control, but I do not believe they will be able to do this without professional help. I believe they have both come from backgrounds where family members/parents were either bad with money, poor, or both. Growing up around that can make it very hard to overcome as an adult. I hope that KG updates the thread on his therapy progress, as I believe this really is his only path for being able to take control of his finances.

Old Greg
Jun 16, 2008
Knyte, the hard thing to reconcile is that, while this thread DID help you historically, at this point given how you post lies and how you feel adversarial with the thread, it might no longer be able to help you. Which is why it's good you're seeking financial-minded therapy. You recognize you're far from done. This thread's ability to help you might be though.

Devian666
Aug 20, 2008

Take some advice Chris.

Fun Shoe

n8r posted:

I hope that KG updates the thread on his therapy progress, as I believe this really is his only path for being able to take control of his finances.

I would rather see this or the thread closed. Focusing on therapy will be better than being overwhelmed by the thread.

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Knyteguy
Jul 6, 2005

YES to love
NO to shirts


Toilet Rascal

imabanana posted:

Use the thread for advice and don't stress over it so much.

If you'd asked about the weights, I know I'd have chimed in to buy an Olympic set and not waste your time on the first set. Of course, you'd have had the people telling you not to buy anything, so take that into account.

The standard set came with an olympic bench. That was the main thing I wanted.

Good call on the rest, thanks.


Same with the meal ideas. Thanks. We're trying to come up with a plan here. Shopping at the cheaper store is... a lot cheaper. I'm trying to figure out this whole planning thing, and not just for meals.


Advice needed:
I got an offer for the Oculus @ $500, but I included free expedited shipping. I'm thinking that's going to cost at least $50-$60. It's listed at $595. Should I pull the trigger? After Paypal and eBay fees I'm thinking it's not really worth it. I've never sold used goods on eBay before.

Therapy:
Can't find a financial therapist. It's either a new discipline or a very very small niche. There's not even someone in Vegas.

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