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moana posted:I mean, according to every etiquette rule, you're not allowed to mention that you expect any kind of gift, let alone express a preference. The way to do this is to let your close friends and parents know that you'd prefer cash (or gifts off a registry) and let them spread the word when people inevitably ask about it, but sending out gift instructions with an invitation is crass. Every etiquette rule also states that you bring a gift to a wedding. I consider it wildly impolite to make me have to hunt down that information from friends and family of the couple, just as those friends and family members should consider having to relaying that information to dozens of people as an intrusion into their time. Everyone gets saved a bunch of time and misunderstandings are minimized if you say "couple is registered at Home Depot and Safeway" or "presentation preferred". The pontiffs of politeness that are the old WASP ladies who dictate these rules don't seem to understand that things change and that there could possibly be cultural practices of others that could somehow be just as valid as theirs. Eastern Europeans have been pinning cash to the brides dress for decades. This probably seems scandalous to some, but it's what they do. It isn't wrong, it's different. And anyone who thinks it is their place to barge in and tell them they are boorish continentals for having different traditions should really just gently caress right off.
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Nov 6, 2015 19:39
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Mocking Bird posted:You can also strongly imply your preference simply by not having a registry. Whenever I'm invited to a wedding without a registry I buy the happy couple a horse, especially if they live in a Manhattan studio.
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Nov 6, 2015 19:47
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my etiquette rule is "don't post about weddings in thsi topic ahhhghghgh"
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Nov 6, 2015 19:48
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I don't get invited to weddings like you guys because I'm from a small mid-western town and almost all of my friends have been married since we were all dirt poor in our early twenties. Another reason that living in the mid-west is good with money.
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Nov 6, 2015 20:02
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Mocking Bird posted:
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Nov 6, 2015 20:07
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Wedding chat is good with money because it makes me want to jump off a building and kill myself, then my husband will be able to pay off our house with my life insurance money.
silicone thrills fucked around with this message at 20:12 on Nov 6, 2015 |
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Nov 6, 2015 20:09
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Wait, people under 50 actually give physical gifts instead of cash? All my friends and family who have gotten married had lived together for a while already and didn't need any junk. The registries are always full of useless crap like waffle irons and I figured they were just there to placate peoples moms. I can't remember anyone my age ever doing anything other than writing a check. Background: late 20s white dude living in the northeast. This is based on about 10-15 weddings in the past 5yrs or so.
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Nov 6, 2015 20:12
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Can we please ban weddingchat in this thread already? It's by far the worst recurring derail full of high horses, humble brags, and overzealous judgement of others. Even in a thread about judgement of others, it's just awful.
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Nov 6, 2015 20:13
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Make sure you buy an insurance policy with no exclusion for suicide 
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Nov 6, 2015 20:14
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I got married while riding atop twin stallions and then butchered them Dothraki style and served their steaming flesh to the reception party.
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Nov 6, 2015 20:18
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Yes but how much do you tip the servers? Personally I think anything below 25% is just you being bad with people.
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Nov 6, 2015 23:15
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Omne posted:We are doing something similar. We have been living together for several years and have zero desire to go on a registry and select a bunch of stuff we will likely never use (it's a cliche at this point for married couples to talk about how they have never used a large portion of their wedding gifts). No one has to provide a gift to me and my fiancee, but if they do, I would appreciate it if it was something useful like honeymoon money or something sentimental. It's pretty crass to mention where you are registered on invitations. The expectation is that you would tell parents/people in the wedding, and people will ask, or just figure it out on their own. If you decide you don't want to register for anything, and setup a honeymoon fun, let your parents/friends circulate that information. That being said, I think lots of people may choose not to participate when they would buy you a gift. Lots of reasons for this, but lots of people just don't want to gently caress with some kickstarter type website. A lot of people like the idea of getting you something 'nice' like a piece of kitchen equipment that will last you a lifetime - like nice pans or a kitchenaid mixer. It also eliminates any folks that might prefer to make you something nice, or buy something that is really cool that is not on the list. I would encourage you to only register stuff that you actually want, and if you want to do the honeymoon fund, feel free to do it. Discouraging people to bring gifts imho is pretty rude.
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Nov 6, 2015 23:21
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Krispy Kareem posted:I got married while riding atop twin stallions and then butchered them Dothraki style and served their steaming flesh to the reception party. On-topic; mentions horses
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Nov 6, 2015 23:25
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n8r posted:It's pretty crass to mention where you are registered on invitations. The expectation is that you would tell parents/people in the wedding, and people will ask, or just figure it out on their own. If you decide you don't want to register for anything, and setup a honeymoon fun, let your parents/friends circulate that information. That being said, I think lots of people may choose not to participate when they would buy you a gift. Lots of reasons for this, but lots of people just don't want to gently caress with some kickstarter type website. A lot of people like the idea of getting you something 'nice' like a piece of kitchen equipment that will last you a lifetime - like nice pans or a kitchenaid mixer. It also eliminates any folks that might prefer to make you something nice, or buy something that is really cool that is not on the list. 
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Nov 6, 2015 23:53
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I know lots of people who are bad with money! Most of them are family. My mom and her two siblings and seventeen cousins all received about 200K trust funds from their grandfather. He was rich and liked making grand gestures and this included his will. I always thought most of them were ridiculous for chewing through them with nothing to show for it. Like, we're talking 50 year old people who have never managed to hold down a job because between the trust fund and their parents, they've always been taken care of somehow? I don't know. Half of them aren't speaking to each other and one of them insists that he's a self-made man and I have a million stories from my mom about the family compound they all grew up on. Until I read this thread, the fact that only six of them seem to be financially solvent and in a good position seemed low. How on earth could the rest of them be so foolish, I asked myself? My mom had her poo poo together and bought land with it, which maybe isn't the best investment, but it certainly has kept pace with inflation. Then I read this thread, and I am surprised that so many actually ARE financially solvent at all. Thanks, thread, for lowering my expectations. (There is one of them who is a horse person. She is mostly breaking even, but would be in the "good choices" category if she were not a horse person. Being a farrier and blacksmith is cool as gently caress, but it does not make you much money even in places with tons of rich horse people.)
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Nov 7, 2015 01:01
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canyoneer posted:Update: She just sent out an email saying that the "birthday fairy came by" and now she's only charging $20 per person. What a bargain! I had a former friend do this once, but she didn't let people know she was charging for admission until after everyone got there. She planned a dinner party then after dinner actually passed around a jar asking people to contribute money to pay for the meal because "food is expensive". It was really awkward and she was honestly puzzled when everyone declined every future invitation to any event she tried to host.
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Nov 7, 2015 04:46
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Antifreeze Head posted:The pontiffs of politeness that are the old WASP ladies who dictate these rules don't seem to understand that things change and that there could possibly be cultural practices of others that could somehow be just as valid as theirs. Eastern Europeans have been pinning cash to the brides dress for decades.
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Nov 7, 2015 06:11
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What do you mean, this method of only giving 1 gift but getting between 6 and 6*6 gifts in return is unsustainable? From a friend's Facebook feed yesterday:
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Nov 7, 2015 06:33
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Nocheez posted:A church that doesn't pay for circumcisions is just a ripoff 
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Nov 7, 2015 06:36
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SpelledBackwards posted:What do you mean, this method of only giving 1 gift but getting between 6 and 6*6 gifts in return is unsustainable? From a friend's Facebook feed yesterday: Yeah, I saw this one going around FB this week too.
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Nov 7, 2015 09:27
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Nocheez posted:A church that doesn't pay for circumcisions is just a ripoff Yeah, well, just ripping it off is GWM because you don't need to buy a knife. Just do it sloooowly, or you risk tearing out the whole thing...
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Nov 7, 2015 11:31
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SpelledBackwards posted:What do you mean, this method of only giving 1 gift but getting between 6 and 6*6 gifts in return is unsustainable? From a friend's Facebook feed yesterday: I don't get this. Is it a pyramid scheme for cheap crappy gifts, are you paying $10 for the info plus the gift? fe: just saw your youtube link, so it is a pyramid scheme, but how, why...
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Nov 7, 2015 11:56
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IllegallySober posted:Yeah, I saw this one going around FB this week too. Same here. From the group of people involved in MLMs like tupperware and origami owl no less.
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Nov 7, 2015 14:24
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I've seen a ton of those pop up on my feed from my more gullible friends. Apart from it obviously not being a sustainable thing, why the gently caress would you want $360 worth of $10 gifts from random-rear end people?
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Nov 7, 2015 14:54
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It'd be a GWM way to cover all your base with relatives you're obligated to give gifts to but don't really like, I suppose
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Nov 7, 2015 15:38
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:my etiquette rule is "don't post about weddings in thsi topic ahhhghghgh" lol also: a horse friend of mine finally saw the light  
pig slut lisa fucked around with this message at 16:52 on Nov 7, 2015 |
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Nov 7, 2015 16:49
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:I had a former friend do this once, but she didn't let people know she was charging for admission until after everyone got there. She planned a dinner party then after dinner actually passed around a jar asking people to contribute money to pay for the meal because "food is expensive". It was really awkward and she was honestly puzzled when everyone declined every future invitation to any event she tried to host. The check comes, and as people start to contribute "let's split everything evenly - it's too complicated otherwise!" There are merits to most ways of splitting (and not splitting) the bill in different situations. Surprises, though, aren't good, especially when they're an obligation of paying 3x their dinner cost in drinks for someone else.
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Nov 8, 2015 18:07
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Whenever someone suggests that I call them a communist.
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Nov 8, 2015 22:41
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I don't understand people splitting the bill evenly. Most restaurant POS systems will allow the server to make individual bills nowadays, won't they?
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Nov 9, 2015 00:02
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Sometimes you share things (apps, bottle of wine), some restaurants aren't keen on it (or won't do it correctly). Do you always ask for separate checks? Mostly with friends we assume it works out in the long term. Living on a student budget raises the stakes, obviously, so being $15 off equitable may not be as tenable. But if the poster thought it was unfair, I hope they said something! Not doing so seems BWM, perhaps by proxy.
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Nov 9, 2015 00:21
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If I'm put in charge I just tend to add 10% to the group's bill for tips, round it up/down to something easy to divide, then tell people to pay the average, and add/subtract if they think that's not fair because they've gone for steak/just had a salad. If anyone decides to keep tabs on their own spend and pay the exact amount, all that's affected is the waiter's tip which isn't really a problem because I don't live in the US v  v
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Nov 9, 2015 00:29
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On one hand I get it but I have to say, in practice I find the nickel and dime accounting of menu items irritating. There's often shared dishes and the difference is rarely that big. If I'm with friends then it's all going to average out in the long term, why do we have to sit here with pocket calculators to make sure you don't incidentally pay $26 for a $22 meal.
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Nov 9, 2015 00:46
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:On one hand I get it but I have to say, in practice I find the nickel and dime accounting of menu items irritating. There's often shared dishes and the difference is rarely that big. If I'm with friends then it's all going to average out in the long term, why do we have to sit here with pocket calculators to make sure you don't incidentally pay $26 for a $22 meal. They're not talking about a difference of 4 bucks. It's the difference between what an employed person will order vs someone on a student budget.
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Nov 9, 2015 00:56
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It's the booze that's the problem. Maybe most people honestly believe it averages out in the long run, but I've seen people use group meal checks to avoid paying tips so I can totally see someone deliberately letting everyone else subsidize their top shelf cocktails.
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Nov 9, 2015 01:01
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NancyPants posted:They're not talking about a difference of 4 bucks. It's the difference between what an employed person will order vs someone on a student budget.  . With close friends we do it even less fine grained and have someone pay for the while meal, and generally the folks with more disposable income pick up the tab more often. If someone is really strapped I'd rather cover them wholesale than make them penny pinch on their entree choice. I'm only one person so my sample size is small, but there are plenty of people who demand itemization and in my observation it's not particularly correlated with income.e: it's me, I'm derailing, I'm sorry...
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Nov 9, 2015 02:23
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Less dining etiquette, more bad with money. Here's a reddit roundup. Help I'm broke and can't find $5k that my dead Grandmother was supposed to give to me: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/3rzn37/i_have_5000_in_an_account_i_dont_know_of_how_can/ I'm addicted to online shopping: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/3s3kd4/i_need_someone_to_beat_some_sense_into_me_about/ Choice quote quote:It's gotten to the point where I'll blow a good 90% of my Friday paycheck on online shopping before the weekend is even over. Some dude uses his personal checking account for his online business and unsurprisingly gets it shut down, flails around wildly in the comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/3s2sxi/why_no_one_should_use_ally_bank_they_shut_down/
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Nov 9, 2015 15:02
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Barry posted:Some dude uses his personal checking account for his online business and unsurprisingly gets it shut down, flails around wildly in the comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/3s2sxi/why_no_one_should_use_ally_bank_they_shut_down/ flailing around is an understatement holy poo poo I see that he said his wife sells poo poo on Etsy, but I can't find if he mentions what he does for a living? He sounds like a real pleasure to work with.
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Nov 9, 2015 15:43
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Shutting down an account over that seems really lovely and I will certainly not use Ally bank if they pull stuff like that. Why the gently caress is it their business if I get paid irregularly? His wife selling stuff on etsy is a really bad reason to close someone's bank account.
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Nov 9, 2015 15:48
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:Shutting down an account over that seems really lovely and I will certainly not use Ally bank if they pull stuff like that. Why the gently caress is it their business if I get paid irregularly? His wife selling stuff on etsy is a really bad reason to close someone's bank account. It's pretty obviously against their terms of service. If you want to run a business, get a business checking account.
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Nov 9, 2015 16:00
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:Shutting down an account over that seems really lovely and I will certainly not use Ally bank if they pull stuff like that. Why the gently caress is it their business if I get paid irregularly? His wife selling stuff on etsy is a really bad reason to close someone's bank account. All banks do this. Others would just close the account and force you to open a business a count.
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Nov 9, 2015 16:00
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