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So, 100k points gives you... a patch you'd miss because you don't get a second makeover?
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Nov 4, 2015 02:08
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Judge Tesla posted:She also hardcore kicked Cartman's rear end on one occasion. It was beautiful.
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Nov 4, 2015 02:10
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GyverMac posted:Hah, if I know my South Park right, I bet theres a fetus bossfight, or nazi zombie fetuses. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUvRDHHvkRc
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Nov 4, 2015 02:46
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GyverMac posted:...W-why would you do that Hadn't gotten it yet, in the order I was doing things. If she wants to see more, I probably will.
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Nov 4, 2015 03:11
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I bet my mom would love this game, or at least watching it. She's a huge fan of South Park (and Cartman in particular). She's also a hard-rear end do-your-drat-work dignified university professor and none of her students ever believe me when I tell them.
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Nov 4, 2015 06:10
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This next part is gonna be loving MAGIC folks. It's grotesquely beautiful and I feel sorry for ANYONE in the UK/Germany/gently caress your censors land who had to miss it.
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Nov 4, 2015 10:52
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Kemix posted:This next part is gonna be loving MAGIC folks. It's grotesquely beautiful and I feel sorry for ANYONE in the UK/Germany/gently caress your censors land who had to miss it. The censor messages are funny too, but I'll be interested to see what the actual gameplay is. It sounded horrific.
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Nov 4, 2015 12:58
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GyverMac posted:Hah, if I know my South Park right, I bet theres a fetus bossfight, or nazi zombie fetuses. Possibly after shrinking down and, uh, entering someone.
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Nov 4, 2015 15:08
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MarquiseMindfang posted:Possibly after shrinking down and, uh, entering someone. What?! Of course not! What kind of game do you think this is????
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Nov 4, 2015 15:24
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Blind Sally posted:What?! Of course not! What kind of game do you think this is???? One with almost no boundary's. I can have moments of... eccentricity and sometimes be quite curious about things. Please forgive me if I do something foolish or rude.
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Nov 4, 2015 15:29
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MarquiseMindfang posted:Possibly after shrinking down and, uh, entering someone. Frankly, I was expecting that after Douchebag got crushed by his dad's balls. I figured he'd shrink even more, and get hosed up into his mom, where he'd have to duke it out with some sort of sperm monster.
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Nov 4, 2015 18:23
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nuvan posted:Frankly, I was expecting that after Douchebag got crushed by his dad's balls. I figured he'd shrink even more, and get hosed up into his mom, where he'd have to duke it out with some sort of sperm monster. Nah, that would just be silly.
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Nov 4, 2015 18:52
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Hello everyone. Today's update is another shortie, though it does helpfully divide the abortion clinic into two sections, the sane part and the not-so-sane part. So apologies to all you who were expecting crazy poo poo to go down today. That will happen on Monday. Shall we?   : Hi, here for an abortion? It's okay, don't be scared. The first one's always the scariest. Take room A, second door on your left. : I'm sorry, your little friend will have to wait out here. : Guess I'm staying out here. I'll be with you in spirit. : All you, dude. I'll be right here. : All right, you take it from here, Douchebag. You have to learn how to do things for yourself SOME time. : (Oh no, you have to go it alone! Be brave.) : It appears my services won't be needed here. You go ahead. : I'll wait right here. Don't forget about me.: I don't know why anyone would want to have an abortion looking like THAT.: Don't worry, our doctor is really friendly. He's known as the Patch Adams of abortions. I recognize that Patch Adams and the Patch Adams played by Robin Williams are two completely different things. However, when I hear the "Patch Adams of abortions" all that comes to mind is the clown that Robin portrayed in the movie. Why does the fetus in that picture look like Mr. Mackey?  SECURITY: ACCESS RESTRICTED TO PHYSICIANS ONLY. Guess we'll have to come back later.  This is a little farther to the left.  Yes, that is a bloody tampon being used as a grenade. That's really loving gross. Though on the upside, the IV Needle is a patch that adds 3 stacks of bleeding on hit.  No going any farther here. Operating Room A was where we needed to go anyway. Video:   : Hi, I'm Doctor Poonlover. Get on up in the chair and this won't take long at all. Hey, little young to be having an abortion, aren't we? It's okay, we have a booster seat.  : Alright, just sit back and relax. We'll get that gently caress trash taken right out of you. Here we go. We're playing a crossdressing 9 year old who is about to get an abortion. It's a small wonder this game didn't get rated AO.  It's possible to fail here. I've never done it, but there is text for failing. : Hey, that's not a fetus, that's a prostate.You then die from having your prostate sucked out of your rear end in a top hat with an abortion machine. I have a lot of questions about his competency as a doctor, but giving voice to them then means I've been thinking too hard about a South Park game. Anyway, the dying thing never happens because I can press A for 10 seconds straight.    : What the... wow, never seen THAT before. You burned out the vacuum! I'm gonna have to get this thing fixed. Be back in a minute. Let's get the hell out of here. These scrubs in the back of the room are inexplicably child sized.  All three pieces of this outfit give combat bonuses against fetus enemies. No points for guessing what we're going to be doing soon-ish.  SECURITY: ACCESS GRANTED. THANK YOU, DOCTOR.  There's a couple file cabinets in here with various pieces of loot. Nothing really worthwhile, though. The video I linked above shows what they are, but prepare to be disappointed.   There are two hires versions of this available here and here. Now, my French isn't exactly the greatest because I only took 1 semester in high school, and that was nearly 14 years ago. However, I'm fairly certain this has no identifying information whatsoever. It appears the records are just saying "5 women this month for an abortion" or "3 this month for a consultation." I'm assuming the game takes place in roughly the same month it was released - that is to say March of 2014. The signs around town say the Taco Bell is coming Summer 2014, and the nice government men are saying the construction will only take a few weeks. These records are from September and October of 2013. Again, I'm thinking way too hard about a South Park game. I should probably stop doing that.     : Agh! Dammit! Oh, it's YOU! Thank God! Something STRANGE is going on here! The PTA reviewed that tape you got us. The Taco Bell has something called a Plan B. They've been here looking through these records. : But... why would they be interested in the gynecological files of the women of South Park? : I'm afraid now you know too much. : We have two more asking a lot of questions.  : Deal with them QUIETLY. We can't let anyone find out what we were doing there. : Before you kill us tell us why. Why is Taco Bell taking the records of women's vaginas in South Park? : I'm picking up some hot readings on the ESRB.: Tell us! What do women's vaginas and Doritos Locos Tacos have in common?!: The ESRB is going crazy! : Oh poo poo! There's an outbreak here! WE HAVE CONTAMINATION IN SECTOR SEVEN! ALL UNITS TO SECTOR SEVEN NOW! : Secure the entire building! Put that woman in restraints.: Aaaugh! : What's going on?: Taco Bell security. Your clinic is infected with the Nazi Zombie Virus.: Nazi zombies?! That's ridiculous! AND bigoted! I happen to be German!: HE'S ONE OF THEM! : (screams) : Tell people... what you saw here today.  : Watch out, dude. A bunch of soldiers just blocked off the clinic. We'll find some other way to get to you.Kyle likes this. : (from outside; muffled) Let's go! Quarantine the place!Well this went to poo poo quickly. The only way out is in the back of the room.  Luckily we can shrink at will. No idea where Randy got off to, but that's probably for the better. Let's worry about ourself first.   : There's something crawling under the floor, sir!: Where are they?: Do you hear anything in there? This is a "stealth" section. I put stealth in quotes because nothing changes gameplay-wise except for one thing.  : Take him out!: There! Open fire!: SHOOT THE FLOOR!You can make the pipes rattle and the soldiers helpfully take out the encounters down here.  I messed this one up, but the only "punishment" is we have to fight some enemies, and the soldiers above can't hear the combat down here. Nazi zombie underpant gnomes aren't very tough, by the way.    Normally I don't like using knives, but we've been using the Manbearpig Claw for a while now, so let's change it up some.     Oh boy. I'm gonna end the update here. Those of you who have played the game will understand exactly why. Those of you who don't know? You're in for a treat on Monday. See y'all then.
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Nov 6, 2015 01:15
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Monday is going to be MAGICAL.
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Nov 6, 2015 01:26
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You might say it's gonna be a Manic Monday for Douchebag.
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Nov 6, 2015 01:30
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I'm really surprised at the amount of things they got away with, without outright being rated AO.
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Nov 6, 2015 01:33
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I like* how this game has shifted the overton window of 'video game crazy' so far that a 9 year old boy clenching his butthole so hard that an abortion vacuum fails (not to mention that a doctor is performing an abortion on a 9 year old boy) is considered the 'sane' part. *shake my head in disbelief. Granted, I enjoyed this game and just completed it.
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Nov 6, 2015 01:40
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Goddamnit I have to wait?
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Nov 6, 2015 01:47
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"The ESRB is going crazy!" Ahahahahahahah.
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Nov 6, 2015 01:59
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Oh good lord. That's Randy in a wig in that abortion chair, isn't it?
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Nov 6, 2015 02:13
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Technical Analysis posted:Oh good lord. That's Randy in a wig in that abortion chair, isn't it? Sure looks like it.
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Nov 6, 2015 02:17
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Technical Analysis posted:Oh good lord. That's Randy in a wig in that abortion chair, isn't it? I bet it was the mustache that gave it away.
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Nov 6, 2015 02:18
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 Oh boy oh boy.
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Nov 6, 2015 02:57
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Dr. Fetus posted:I'm really surprised at the amount of things they got away with, without outright being rated AO. I think the fact that it's South Park is the only thing that kept this game being released at all. If literally any other game had tried to pull half of what happens in this game then it would have been a very different story.
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Nov 6, 2015 04:30
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I can't contain the smile on my face at the mere mention of what's about to happen. poo poo will hit the fan. And it will be GLORIOUSLY HORRIFIC.
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Nov 6, 2015 05:20
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Is....is this where we go full Lemmiwinks?
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Nov 6, 2015 05:45
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Waffleman_ posted:Is....is this where we go full Lemmiwinks? Nope... but stay tuned...
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Nov 6, 2015 06:19
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Waffleman_ posted:Is....is this where we go full Lemmiwinks? Blind Sally posted:What?! Of course not! What kind of game do you think this is????
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Nov 6, 2015 07:41
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Technical Analysis posted:Oh good lord. That's Randy in a wig in that abortion chair, isn't it? Looks like a blonde Lorde to me...
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Nov 6, 2015 19:42
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As a native French-speaker, I can say that the French used on these files is thoroughly dreadful. I mean, worse than Babelfish. "sobi" indeed...
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Nov 6, 2015 20:15
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The fact the abortion clinic is named "Unplanned Parenthood" is one of my favorite little details in the South Park universe.
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Nov 7, 2015 00:53
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Remora posted:"The ESRB is going crazy!" Ahahahahahahah. In the EU, PEGI is our rating system so for us ESRB was replaced with PEGI in all instances.
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Nov 8, 2015 00:03
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Judge Tesla posted:In the EU, PEGI is our rating system so for us ESRB was replaced with PEGI in all instances. That's a great bit of attention to detail.
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Nov 8, 2015 06:58
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  JUST TO BE SAFE, CONSIDER THIS UPDATE NOT SAFE FOR WORK  Hello everyone. So uh... yeah...  On the one hand, that's not a very good disguise or a place to hide. On the other, it's at least somewhere kinda safe. Video:  : Shhh! : NOBODY MOVE! : Oh! Ha ha ha, what's going on? I-I'm just here for an operation... ha ha .... oh, there you are doctor! I'm ready when you are. Is this going to hurt, doctor? Tee hee.I once saw a movie that started this... oh wait. Uh... never mind. Forget about it.  : There's something fishy going on here. I think they might be Nazi zombies... : We'll SEE if you're a real doctor. Give her an abortion. Do it!: Oh! Oh, goodness!I'd like to point out that my Pandora music station decided this was an appropriate time to start playing Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx. You have to try to get more inappropriate than that. Anyway, we're about to give a grown man an abortion. There's even an associated minigame with its own neat music. You know how I said above you have to try to get more inappropriate? Yeah.  Merry Christmas everyone!  Anyway, this minigame gives plenty of opportunities to gently caress up. Douchebag kinda lazily swings his hand back and forth across Randy's crotch, and you just need to tap the button down when it's roughly centered. You even get three chances to get it right! : Mother of- !!: Ow, my labia!: Oh poo poo! Oh that stings! Gah!gently caress up enough and the government agents will twig to the fact that maybe this 9 year old isn't a real doctor, and this oddly hairy lady with a deep voice may in fact be a guy. If that happens at any point, they say the same thing every time. : I TOLD you that thing isn't a doctor! Fry it!They then shoot you to death. Oh I should also mention that loving up the abortion process at any point will kill Randy. No pressure, right?   : Whew.: OWW MY BALLS! My mal-- my m-malls... my, my favorite shopping malls all close at five, doctor. Can we please get this over with quickly? Pictured, a man who just had a large dose of anesthetic injected into his scrotum.  : Oh that's cold, that's COLD!If you manage to gently caress up spinning the left thumbstick counter-clockwise, then there's a blood spurt. I don't have a screenshot of it because I have never actually failed this part. : Is that blood?But that doesn't happen.  : This is about as wide as I can gape, Doctor!: Okay do it. I'm ready. I blame it on being sleep deprived, but I repeatedly hosed up this section the very first time I played. The basic idea is you just hold the left thumbstick in a direction for a set amount of time.   Occasionally the vacuum snags on one of Randy's balls. This is the section I kept messing up last year. I don't even know how. All you need to do is just move the thumbstick. This is one section you especially don't want to gently caress up. If you do, not only do you die, but you get treated to a lovely scene of a destroyed testicle traveling up through the vacuum tube. : Get it off! GET IT OFF!Anyway, just press the thumbstick left or right and you can do this easily. : OH balls, balls!: Watch the balls!!: Get it off! Get it off!!: Oh god it's snagged!: Oh boy!    After the third time you move the vacuum off of Randy's balls, you've won.  : He did it!You can hear the vacuum suck something up, but never get to see what it is. Anyway, we're done. We just gave a grown man an abortion.   : All right, so he IS a real doctor. : What the hell? : Oh poo poo, CLEAR THE BUILDING! THE AREA HAS BEEN COMPROMISED! : Get out now! : Uh, you go ahead. Might be a while before I can walk very well.Yeah, I don't blame you. Take your time.  : (screams): What the hell is that?  : [Speaking German] : Mathers... where did you find the alien goo?: Broken vials were in the trash can, sir.: What could have come into contact with it in the trash can of an abortion clinic?: Oh my God... : [Speaking German]    Probably shouldn't hang around too long. Let's...   : I'm here for you, buddy! : God dammit. : Look at that little fella! Are those little babies sucking blood?: What's up with those weird babies?: Wow, what's up with those weird babies?: Wh-what's up with those weird babies?: Mphpphm mph mphphm.Let's get the hell out of dodge and take some fetuses out along the way. ... ... This game has me typing some really loving weird sentences.  Anyway, these fetuses are our opponents for the next five minutes.  They don't have a lot of health, but they have innate regeneration.   Their attacks really aren't anything to write home about. The former one is puking on someone and inflicting Grossed Out status, while the other is headbutting them for a tad more damage.  Another of the game's many achievements can be done in this very tiny window. Fart on a dead Nazi Zombie fetus to get it.   : Ew, look at that guy. Get his loot.: Yuck! Look at that guy... Get his loot!: How awful. Does he have any loot?: Mphphpmhmp mpmphphphpm!: We should get this guy to a doctor before it's too late!: That's not how I'd want to go. Unless people thought it was funny.See that grate in the top middle of the screen? That's our eventual destination.  I'm electing to go the long way there.   That various pouches don't really have anything worth showing off. There's some patches and such, but nothing that I'm gonna use.  Isn't it the cutest little abomination against all that is good and holy? These mice aren't even encounters. so time to go to the right.  : They're everywhere! What are they?: Man, those babies are pissed off!: Man, those babies are pissed off!: Man, those are some pissed off babies!: (Man, those babies are pissed off!): Wow, those are some pissed off babies!: Man, those little babies are pissed off! : They're killing us!: It sounds like the holocaust out there!: Geez, it's a holocaust out there! : Well it's just fetuses, the soldiers should waste them.: It's just a bunch of fetuses, the soldiers will totally waste them.: It's just fetuses, the soldiers will probably waste them.: Mphpmhpphm, mphpmhpppphm.: The soldiers have guns. Those fetuses don't stand a chance!: Babies are eating my brains!: So much for that.: Welp, so much for that.: Mph, mphhhmph.: Glad I didn't have any money riding on that.: Nope, they're hosed. So all that carnage we just witnessed? It's happening in the background, because that green duffel bag can be seen in one of the earlier screenshots.    : We're pinned down! Gotta disable that gun!: We're stuck here unless you can take out that gun!: Alright, Douchebag, you knew this day would come. Today's the day you sacrifice yourself to save me.: (Mphphm, mphpmhpm mphphm mhpmph mpmphm!): We're doomed if we don't find a way to shut down that gun.: I'll take a bullet for you Commander Douchebag!! I guess that wouldn't stop all the other bullets though, huh?The targeting reticule on the floor is the killing zone. Anyway, this dead soldier is holding a grenade. You want to blow it up.   We're very nearly done collecting these things.  The water main for this part of the clinic is over behind this wall. By the way, that door? That's Room A, where we got our abortion. ...Moving on.  Once the water is off, we can enter these vents and go to the left.  This hanging light looks placed about right.   On the one hand, we just destroyed a pretty effective barrier. On the other, we need to get out of here.  Meh, the exit is just ahead. Let's get the hell out of here.  Back to the Manbearpig Claw for this next section. Video:  As per usual, this video has the upcoming boss fight in it. Oh right, there's a boss fight coming up. : That's it, that's it! The area is secure. Code Green.: It's not secure...: Tell all units the outbreak has been contained.: It's not contained! : What the hell are you talking about? : It's not contained. Y-you don't understand... Khloe Kardashian was in here this morning. She had... the biggest abortion I've ever seen...    Welp, we're solid hosed.    This boss has at least 55,000 health. I say "at least" because it can regenerate a lot of health. If you don't know what you're doing, this fight will last a very long time. See that last screenshot? That's the strategy. Fetuses live and die by their umbilical cords, so it stands to reason this one does as well.  Butters' Professor Chaos ability really came through in this fight and gave both of us a 9 point shield. This is the fetus's first attack, just throwing a gigantic tantrum and causing an earthquake.   If you don't block this attack, it's going to leech a lot of health from you. The umbilical cord is healing the boss for fully half of its health each turn it gets. So priority one is to take that sucker out.  Projectile vomit shoots multiple vomit projectiles in quick succession. It's difficult to block all of them. Anyway, after beating on the umbilical cord enough...  It gets completely obliterated by the thorns effect from our bow.  Now that the fetus has lost its means of regeneration, the standard boss fight tactics apply.  I also bring in Cartman mid-fight for a damage boost.   See the top status? Every zombie enemy we've fought in the game has had this effect. This is why the umbilical cord is particularly dangerous if it doesn't gib itself on thorns effects. Normally the cord just falls dead and lies there for a few turns before it regenerates. So when fighting any zombie enemy, be sure to completely drive them from combat if you think it's going to take a while.   The last attack I saw the fetus pull off. It's pretty gross.  That was a lot of health to burn through, but thanks to percentage based debuffs, it wasn't too bad.   I don't know about you guys but I could really use a shower.  Let us never speak of this again. Next time: time to see if any of the girls can read bad French.
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Nov 10, 2015 03:21
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DG97dAVZns
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Nov 10, 2015 03:45
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That was a lot tamer than I'd feared it would be.
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Nov 10, 2015 03:55
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I believe it's also possible to use Stan's buddy command somehow to take out the gun, but I could be wrong about that.
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Nov 10, 2015 03:58
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And that's why being a fetus in south park is a bad thing. Now. Just wait till end game. It's gonna be FUN 
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Nov 10, 2015 04:05
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Nidoking posted:I believe it's also possible to use Stan's buddy command somehow to take out the gun, but I could be wrong about that. It is. That's what I used in mine.
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Nov 10, 2015 04:21
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Confusing living people with zombies and getting slaughtered by dead babies? These are the worst soldiers ever.
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Nov 10, 2015 04:24
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