TheMcD posted:

Well, to elaborate, the trade only makes sense if I'm going to a DH league. Key word being "makes sense". Then I remembered that I'm running a team that has a pitching staff that primarily consists of Curt Schilling and has a baby Madison Bumgarner as its ace. poo poo don't make sense to start with. Besides, if I'm going no-DH, I need a pinch hitter, and Barnes would be perfect! And I can just slot him in the infield should some big injury occur - either if somebody in the infield dies, I shift him to 3B somehow, or if somebody in the outfield dies, I shift Teddy to that position and Barnes to 1B.

FairGame posted:

Ross Barnes at 1B seems even worse than Ross Barnes at 2B since he'd be dropping putouts at an alarming rate.

Anyway, if johnfw50 and I can figure out a way to do Clemens for Brown without involving Barnes, how about we just do Barnes for whichever 4th rounder you possess ends up worse (you also have the Space Fish 4th rounder in exchange for doing Pick 'Em)

TheMcD posted:

Eh, I just ran a little testing season, and he ended up with ~65 errors to ~1000 putouts. That's horrendous, but hardly the atrocity that was his 102 errors on the Potatoes. That's more Honus Wagner But A Bit Worse levels. A flyball pitching squad does wonders. Even then, it'd only be a last resort, and I still need a DH for interleague. So yeah, the worse fourth rounder sounds good. Then I trade the better fourth rounder for mentholmoose's old Pedro, and things aren't looking too shabby.

However, if you can't work out a Clemens/Brown deal without Barnes, just forget about it - far be it from me to want to stand in the way of your pitcher collecting.

EDIT: Essentially, it's just an idea. If johnfw50 really wants Barnes, let him have him, I'll work something else out. I'm not the one with the team about to die.

Pander posted:

65 errors at 2B, or at 1B?

And yeah if you're going full flyball, to hell with IF defense. I can get away with George Davis and Cecil Travis on the left side because they only see like a combined 6 or 7 chances per game. A .945 F% is fine when with a low volume.

(I also really want to see Barnes in the field again)

TheMcD posted:

About 55~65 errors at 1B or 3B. Worse at 2B. Fielding percentage running around .850~.880%. It's bad.

TheMcD posted:

Hold up, I want Ross Barnes too! An all-contact, no-defense infielder is practically my team philosophy distilled down to a single player! I believe the asking price I remember was a fourth rounder? We'd still need to do the lottery to see how those picks end up, though. Also, I have a wide variety of bullpen crap available too.

FairGame posted:

Do you still have John Candelaria from the 81 Pirates? If so, can he be the add on? I need another lefty bullpen dude.

johnfw50 posted:

I'm relatively certain I'm going to survive so how about a three way trade.

I get Clemens and one of McD's 4th rounders. FairGame gets Brown and the Candy Man. McD gets Ross Barnes. And maybe if McD isn't going to use him he could send Aramis Ramirez back as well.

FairGame posted:

And, uh...no offense to The Gay Agenda, but I really can't see them winning.

Don May posted:

RAKERS STUFF DOOM COMEBACK, WIN GAME ON 6-5

Khartoum- That was not quite how the Doom drew it up.

Down 6-4, the Doom finally seemed like they were about to kick things into high gear in the bottom of the ninth inning. After an unfortunate strikeout to lead things off, Ryne Sandberg tripled, and wsa then sent home by a Billy Hamilton double to make it a 6-5 game. With the tying run on second, and the big bats of the Doom lineup looming, it seemed like just a matter of time before the Doom blew things open.

Helping matters was gingemidget's stubborn refusal to go to his bullpen. He had started Lefty Grove to combat the Doom's left-handed power, and had done an admirable job. Grove may have given up six walks, but did not allow a single extra-base to Slug Lyfe, an incredible accomplishment all things considered, but he had thrown over 130 pitches to this point after a very long season. No owner pushed his starting pitchers harder than gingemidget, whether that was to his faith in them, his idelogical opposition to the overuse of substitute players, or fear of a bad bullpen, he was going to have Lefty Grove see this through.

Billy Hamilton, on second, decided to try and increase the pressure on Grove further, and took off for third on Grove's next pitch. But stealing third is difficult, and Mickey Cochrane, behind the plate for the Rakers, saw it coming a mile away, and through Hamilton out, smashing the Doom's dreams to bits in the process.

Now, instead of having a runner in scoring position with one out, the bases were empty with two outs. And, to twist the knife further, Kell, still at the plate, reached base with a single. Had Hamilton been at second, he could have scored on the play, tying the game. Instead, the score was still 6-5, and Grove made quick work of Ted Williams, inducing a groundout on the first pitch of the inning, a 79 mph fastball, no less, to end the game.

After the game, Slug Lyfe decided they would have words with the Rakers' owner, and cornered him the press room. "gingemidget, I don't have anything against the Irish."

"I'm not Irish." gingemidget corrected him. "I'm English. It's an entirely different country, one that was able to survive a temporary shortage of potatoes."

"Well, that's a shame, because gently caress THE ENGLISH!" Babe Ruth swung a folding chair right at gingemidget's head, only for the chair to bounce off harmlessly. The members of the Slug Lyfe looked at the chair, a large dent in the surface, and then at gingemidget, who seemed utterly unharmed. "I said!" Babe Ruth lifted up the chair for another strike, "gently caress THE ENGLISH!" He swung it down again full force, only for it to bounce off again.

"Holy gently caress, we don't have time for this." Mickey Mantle grabbed a bat. "Motherfucker thinks that he's going to cut into our drinking time by somehow deflecting chair shots." Mickey Mantle loaded up a good swing and tried to smack gingemidget's head clear off, only for the bat to explode in a cloud of splintered wood. Mantle looked at the broken bat handle he was holding, and appealed to Babe Ruth for an explanation.

"Slug Lyfe huddle!" Ruth called the other members of Slug Lyfe over to discuss the situation in private for a moment, before coming to a consensus. "You know, gingemidget, we could keep trying to beat the poo poo out of you all day, but the thing of it is-" Ruth suddenly rushed up to gingemidget and swung a fist at him "SUCKER PUNCH!" He yelled, only for his fist to bounce off, and Ruth recoil in pain. "My hand! It's broken or something! I'm going to need, like, 20 beers to make it stop hurting. Somebody get me 20 beers." Jason Giambi immediately ran off in search of the nearest keg.

"I don't understand, how are you doing this?" Mickey Mantle asked.

"By now, of course, you've likely learned the tragic fate of your erstwhile compatriot, Barrold Bonds." gingemidget begain his explanation.

"Yeah, he got beaten up by a kangaroo." Babe Ruth nodded.

"What? No." gingemidget looked at Ruth questionably.

Mantle stepepd up. "No, man, he fell down a sinkhole or something."

"I left a pair of bloody rakes in your locker room. I inscribed my owner personal rune into the floor at the spot where I abducted Bonds. I really wasn't trying to be mysterious." gingemidget said, irritated.

"Is that what those rakes were for?" Ruth asked. "I just thought that the groundskeepers forgot where the tool shed was or something."

"In any event, I have formed this fetish," gingemidget showed off a small amulet of bone hanging from his neck, "From your friend, and with the power of sympathetic magic, your team is not incapable of doing me or my team any harm! What do you think of that, fools?"

"Listen, what you do on your own time is your business." Mantle didn't seem impressed at all, "But we don't need to hear about your fetishes. I know that guys like Dan Savage like to say that you shouldn't kink-shame, but I don't need to hear about this."

"It's not that kind of..." gingemidget found himself having trouble handling Slug Lyfe, "Let me try to simplify matters. I killed your friend and then cast a spell and now you can't win. Okay?"

Babe Ruth nodded, "That seems to all check out, except for one thing-" Ruth took another swing at gingemidget. "SUCKER PUNCH!" He yelled, only for his fist to bounce off again. "I was sure that was going to work this time."

Game Two will take place in Khartoum, city of adventure! Eddie "Babalu" Plank will get the start for the Rakers, who hope to use left-handed pitching to put a stranglehold on this series. Rick "Big Daddy" Reuschel will try and keep things all manageable for the Doom.

GAME NOTES

-Only two of the Doom's runs were earned, so it's fair to say that, all things considered, Grove had a very effective outing against the Doom.

-Tom Henke has to be second to Rollie Fingers in losses by a relief pitcher in the Super-League playoffs by this point.

-Rakers stolen bases watch: The Rakers are still the slowest bunch of players that could conceivably exist, and so did not steal a base in this game either.

-Al Simmons and Al Kaline are looking like good picks to man the corner outfield spots, especially given a potential series against the Southpaws.

-Both of the Doom's extra-base hits happened in the ninth. Prior to that, all the team had was four singles.

Don May posted:

PLANK BLANKS DOOM 8-0, DOOM SHANKED, OFFENSE RANK

Khartoum- Not good.

After a close win by the Rakers in game one, the Doom needed to come back with a strong Game Two, if only to keep themselves from heading off to Porthcawl, and its unfriendly dimensions, down 2-0 in the series. It would be nice to say that the Doom gave it their best, but that is not borne out by the record of the game, which shows that, in fact, the Doom may have put for their worst possible effort.

There was no phase of the game that went well for the Doom. They gave up eight runs, as the Rakers simply pounded them into compliance with their consistent lineup, designed to provide a constant drumbeat of offense to produce run after run after run. The Doom have the more explosive offense, to be sure, but that offense can stall. Put against a pitcher like Plank, who has the platoon advantage over left-handers, and who will not give up home runs, the Doom can struggle. The Rakers, knowing that they cannot rely on their pitching, have built an offense that is in perpetual motion, no lulls, simply good hitter after good hitter, until the oopposing pitcher simply can't handle the strain.

For Rick Reuschel, who does not have great stuff, but has a strong commitment to getting through innings, it's a bad matchup. Reuschel isn't going to miss many bats, and need to induce weak contact to survive. The Rakers, generally, don't make weak contact. They hit the ball, and hit it into fair territory. The result is that, in the end, Reuschel could not hold on, and the Rakers eventually wore him out, and easily took the game, putting the Doom on the brink of elimination yet again.

Slug Lyfe's frustration boiled over after the game, when Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle confronted gingemidget. Babe Ruth, a flamethrower strapped to his back, warned gingemidget, "Magic can't protect you from a motherfucking flamethrower, that's just science!"

"How did you even get a flamethrower?" gingemidget asked, unperturbed.

"Listen, there are a billion reasons not to be headquartered in Khartoum, but there is one good reason to hang out there, and it's a really good one: Easy loving access to flamethrowers. Hell, you can't go more than fifty feet in any direction in Khartoum without someone trying to sell you a flamethrower. Of course, most of 'em aren't well-made, and that can be bad. Poor Paulie Konerko, I can still see him burning. He smelled like a char dog." Mickey Mantle took off his hat and held it against his heart thinking of the scene. "But this flamethrower, it's top of the line, and now you're gonna burn." Babe Ruth turned the flamethrower on gingemidget, shooting as much flame as he could manage. After a few seconds, the flamethrower ran out of fuel, leaving an unscathed gingemidget standing there.

"I feel like you aren't listening to me." gingemidget said. "I thought we had it cleared up that you could not harm me."

"I thought the flamethrower would work." Babe Ruth said, taking off the now empty contraption. "I mean, isn't magic weak to fire?"

"I don't know what that means." gingemidget said.

"I think fire is weak to water." Mickey Mantle tried to be helpful, "I don't know what magic is weak to. Science, maybe?"

"No!" Babe Ruth turned to Mantle, "Because a flamethrower is the highest form of science, and it didn't work at all!"

"Gentlemen, I hate to interrupt you, but I must remind you that, after two losses, you must now travel to my stadium in Wales. But you know, I think you'll like it there. Like it so much that you never leave!" gingemidget tried to be as menacing as he could, necessary, given that Slug Lyfe was not known for their ability to understand concepts such as self-preseveration and fear.

"I don't think we'll like it that much." Mantle countered. "I mean, it's probably rainy and cold. Plus, we already have return plane tickets, and those can be a bitch to change, I just don't see us wanting to stay there."

"Yeah, I mean, if you want to live in Portcrawl-" Ruth added.

"Porthcawl." gingemidget corrected.

"Portshawl?" Ruth asked.

"Porthcawl."

"What did I say?" Ruth asked. "It doesn't matter, because Slug Lyfe isn't beaten just yet. Sure, you may have some sort of magical powers that makes it impossible for us to beat you, but since when did magic ever do any good for anyone?" Ruth caught himself, "The fact that magic just stopped us from burning you to death doesn't count, it's totally unrelated. Anyway, the point is, we didn't become the most dominant faction in all of Super-League Entertainment history by losing when it mattered most, we may be down in this series, but we're far from out!"

Game Three is do-or-die time for the Doom. And, leaning towards the 'die' part of that spectrum, they'll be sending Stephen Strasburg to the mound, hoping his power pitching can turn the tide on the Rakers. For their part, gingemidget's team will send out Juan Marichal.

GAME NOTES

-George Kell and Billy Hamilton have all of the Doom's extra-base hits through two games. That's not exactly how they drew it up.

-Also, the Doom have failed to hit dingers in back-to-back games. While they have a good enough offense so that dingers are not strictly a sine qua non, it's much tougher for the Doom to win games without that level of power hitting. The fact that they're about to head to Porthcawl, where left-handed power is tamped down, is not likely to help matters.

-Willie Mays stole a base for the Rakers! It's a miracle! In fairness, if anyone was going to steal a base, it was going to be Mays, who led the Rakers in stolen bases this season with six.

-Ted Williams stole a base as well. It was weird and uncomfortable. He should not do that again.

Don May posted:

RAKERS CLOSE OUT SWEEP WITH 11-6 BEATING

Porthcawl- Give the Rakers credit for not drawing out the agony.

Stephen Strasburg tried his best. His best, however, was not nearly good enough. The Rakers chased Strasburg after just two innings, and, having taken a 10-1 lead after four innings, simply ran out of the clock as the Doom, grasping at straws by this point, could not get their power hitting going, and an abortive comeback fell well short, as the Doom dropped their final game of the series 11-6.

Standing outside of a new art installation that he intends to unveil for Game Three of the Smasher League Championship Series, gingemidget was proud of his team. "I am sure that a lot of people out there thought the Doom were going to win this series. They have Babe Ruth and Ted Williams, and so many others, how could the Rakers, with their bad pitching and bullpen of horror, possibly stop them. But, as always, my dark gods showed me the path to victory. I know that a lot of sportsmen out there will thank Jesus for their victories, but I want to take a second to ask, why not instead look to the dark powers to help you out. After all, there's a good chance that your opponent is probably praying to Jesus, and if you're both praying to him, he's only going to help one of you, or, at best, force a draw. It's not smart. Jesus is not looking out for your best interest."

A reporter asked about the art installation, which consisted of a number of what appeared to be statues currently draped in sky blue and white curtains. "You know, after last season, Pander and I have some unfinished business, I don't think anyone can doubt that. And when he gets here, I really want to show him something, about who the Rakers are, and what we can do, even when no one believes in us." gingemidget's words had a sinister bent. "And I think that this new...art project will really crystallize my vision of matter. But I would prefer not to ruin the surprise, because I think that Pander, well, he's really going to be surprised when he sees it, I'll say that much now."

The same reporter noted that the members of Slug Lyfe disappeared shortly after the game. "Oh, did they?" gingemidget asked. "I hadn't noticed, I was celebrating the win with my team, we sacrificed Stephen Strasburg on an altar to really give our thanks, drank his blood, normal festivities. I suppose that, in the course of those celebration, Slug Lyfe might have gone somewhere. But, then again, I have the feeling that they're hanging around." gingemidget smiled broadly. "In fact, I have the feeling that we'll be seeing them again soon enough, and that they'll be dying to let everyone know that the Rakers were the better team this go-around."

One of the statues twitched a bit under its curtain. gingemidget noticed and shrugged. "They should stop moving by the time Pander gets here. At least, I think that's right. On an unrelated subject, does anyone know how long the human body can last without water? Well, come to think it, we're due for some rain. How long can a person last without food? A few days? What if, hypothetically, they were crucified on a cross made of two rakes?"

The reporters look at gingemidget with horror. "What?" gingemidget asked. "I'm not saying that I crucified Slug Lyfe. But if I did, and I'm not saying that I did, it was just me practicing my religion, and I thought, in this country, that we let people practice their religions, even if they don't agree with it. But maybe I was wrong. I had hoped that we had moved past persecuting people based on their spiritual beliefs. Just because a person crucifies others on rakes, that doesn't mean that they're bad!"

The Smasher League Championship Series will be between the Porthcawl Rakers and the defending Smasher League Champions, the Chicago Southpaws, in a rematch of last season's Smasher League Divisional Series, which was won by the Southpaws. As both teams managed to sweep their opponents in the Divisional round, both will have the ability to stack their pitching rotations however they may choose.

GAME NOTES

-Nick Altrock made an appearance! Just like in real-life, it was fun for a bit, but Altrock really didn't have the staying power that we would have preferred.

-This game, because of how quickly Strasburg got knocked out of the game, showcased what would have happened had Steve Carlton gotten a start instead. The results were almost equally horrifying.

-Slug Lyfe failed to get an extra-base hit all series. The Doom failed to hit a single dinger. These things are not likely to ever happen again, which is good news for the Doom, who probably cannot take another series like this without their hearts shattering into a million pieces.

-Pander was asked his thoughts about the upcoming series with the Rakers. "Bored, mainly." Pander explained. "I beat the Rakers last year. They lost, we beat them. I don't recall it being a particularly close series. And since that series, nothing has changed. The Rakers aren't better than they were back in the day. I don't think that gingemidget is really the sort of guy that's going to be able to out-think me, anyway. I guess, for formalistic reasons, I understand why we're having this series, because Smasher can't just name me the Smasher League Champion, but, he probably should. There's no way this series ends any differently than last time. Even if the Rakers have a stadium that cuts down on left-handed power, my hitters don't hit for power and, even if they did, we have home-field advantage. I don't have to win a game in Porthcawl. I probably will, just to speed things the hell up, but I don't have to. gingemidget has to win a game in the Leftorium, which he can't, and that means that his team is toast. Again."

-"Let's get real." Pander continued, "The Bombers couldn't beat me in the regular season, and anyone who expected that to change in the playoffs, well, I guess they learned that you're as good as you are, and there's not such thing as a clutch team. The Rakers have no chance in hell. Don't be the idiot that picks them and misses out on points, morons."

johnfw50 posted:

I'm relatively certain I'm going to survive so how about a three way trade.

I get Clemens and one of McD's 4th rounders. FairGame gets Brown and the Candy Man. McD gets Ross Barnes. And maybe if McD isn't going to use him he could send Aramis Ramirez back as well.

TheMcD posted:

If you're sure you're going to survive, we might as well wait until we know how the draft will shake out. I'd be down, for the record. Though without Aramis Ramirez - I need him to be a potential trading chip in the upcoming Schilling trades.

EDIT: Wait what the gently caress just happened up there

FairGame posted:

If he doesn't survive, though, Kevin Brown melts into the ether and that defeats the purpose of my trading for all the Browns

johnfw50 posted:

How about if there is a 5th round to the Gauntlet we do the trade when the 5th round gauntlet pick'em is announced. If there isn't a 5th round, we wait for the draft to shake out.

johnfw50 posted:

How about if there is a 5th round to the Gauntlet we do the trade when the 5th round gauntlet pick'em is announced. If there isn't a 5th round, we wait for the draft to shake out.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

gingemidget
Pander
Beet
DannoMack

The time has come. A hard rain must fall. The Macho Men once again wait to be loosed upon a team with the courage and folly to challenge them. By right, the winner of the Super-League may elect to put the very soul of their team on the line in a career vs. career challenge, best of nine games, the winner being the undisputed lord and master of the Super-League and the loser being a historical footnote. Let us remember those who were brave enough to throw themselves into the abyss:

-Boston Skyhawks (SLIV)-
-Gander Doppel-Bangers (SLV)-
-Chicago Bobbleheads (SLVII)-
-Fukuoka Finger-Bangers (SLVIII)-
-Luna Landers (SLIX)-
-Galactic Wanderers (SLX)-
-Rockford Losers (SLXI)-
-Cancun Tornados (SLXV)-
-Somali Pirates (SLXVI)-

They all failed. They all thought they had a chance to overthrow the inhuman power of the Macho Men, and paid for their hubris. But to be human is to challenge the laws of nature themselves, to howl at the moon and proclaim that you can bend the very universe to your will. As long as you have the will, of course.

Immortality calls!

[ ] Nah
[X] Oh Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!

Ice To Meet You posted:

The first piece I am looking to acquire, though not a blockbuster, I think would be very helpful. It is Ozzie Smith (not the 37 year old one), or Troy Tulowitzki, or The MACHINE. If you are in possession of one of these items, please contact me. I will find something to suit your specific needs.

Pander posted:

Vizquel strike your fancy at all?

Ice To Meet You posted:

If I decide I'm going to change my strategy to be bunt-based, I'll call you.

FairGame posted:

If you're going for shortstops with stupidly good defense, Cal Ripken is also a consideration, and he'd probably fit SLUG LYFE really well.

Ice To Meet You posted:

The first piece I am looking to acquire, though not a blockbuster, I think would be very helpful. It is Ozzie Smith (not the 37 year old one), or Troy Tulowitzki, or The MACHINE. If you are in possession of one of these items, please contact me. I will find something to suit your specific needs.

Pash posted:

Trade:

Commission Sends:
1996 Robb Nen
1987 Lee Smith
1993 Bryan Harvey

Highlanders Send:
1987 Tim Burke
1985 Dan Quisenberry
1993 Alan Trammell

Smasher Dynamo posted:

[ ] Oh Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!

DannoMack posted:

Edit: mcfreeze please trade me billy hammertime!

DannoMack posted:

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Pick the Winners, Number of Games (Best of Seven), and score of final game

Dynamo League Championship Series
RCMP vs. Sindhi Sheikhs in 5, 6-3

Smasher League Championship Series
Porthcawl Rakers vs. Chicago Southpaws in 6, 5-1

Ice To Meet You posted:

Why?

HulkaMatt posted:

danno did you still want to discuss lajoie or nah