BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

We will be starting in probably 10 minutes or so, I guess.

http://www.twitch.tv/coolmcfreeze is the link. Prediction: Pain.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 23:41

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# ? May 14, 2024 12:05

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

I fixed the terrible buffering and video glitches! I think.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 00:34

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

For what it's worth, while this has been my least favorite season baseball-wise, it's been my favorite by far writing-wise.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 01:13

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Well that ended poorly.

I'm gonna do the 3-way Gauntlet tiebreaker now.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 02:16

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

And yet, it was predictable to the point of inevitability.

Edit: at least you didn't have to write this one, Smasher. No one could have saved this series.

kw0134 fucked around with this message at 03:25 on Nov 16, 2015

# ? Nov 16, 2015 02:31

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Feel the excitement.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 03:22

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Well, that sure was a thing. I guess putting together a rotation with postseason ERAs of 2.23 and 2.14 and surrounding them with great hitters is a good thing?

So, with that said, the Hope's Peak Despair have played their last game. To avoid the currently most urgent threat of total annihilation out of several, this team will have to relocate. But to where? Well, I've had about a dozen ideas, and picking between them isn't exactly easy, especially when having to balance how much I personally like the name and the likelyhood it would make Smasher mad. With that in mind, I guess we'll play off of how the team's stadium creates a strange ambience where baseball is almost unrecognizable in its mass of hits and lack of dingers, which one could compare to the Twilight Zone, with the new team name...

...the Hoboken Zephyrs, playing out of Tebbets Field (which is not Ebbets Field). While we don't have our own Mighty Casey (which I guess would be New Hoss Radbourn in this universe?), Curt Schilling is almost as good, right? Don't answer that.

And with that, it's time to decide which division this team will play in. I've already gone on record multiple times as to which division I would pick, should I win, and that hasn't changed, so with this, I officially pick the Vae Victis as my division of choice. Armitage, I'm coming for you!

"This team had a pitching staff that made history. Of course, none of them smiled very much, but it happens to be a fact that they pitched like nothing human. And if you're interested as to where these gentlemen came from, you might check under 'B' for Baseball - in The Twilight Zone."

# ? Nov 16, 2015 04:03

StupidSexyMothman: Aug 9, 2010

TheMcD posted:

And with that, it's time to decide which division this team will play in. I've already gone on record multiple times as to which division I would pick, should I win, and that hasn't changed, so with this, I officially pick the Vae Victis as my division of choice.

Welcome to hell.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 04:24

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Grats TheMcD. Way to keep the KFH winning tradition alive.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 04:24

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Well, it's time for the tiebreaker.

The Winners win! I can't believe it!

Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 4
Pick TWO!
Aperture Scientists
Genoa Janus
New York Winners
Twin Peaks Cherry Pies

# ? Nov 16, 2015 04:49

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

oldskool posted:

Welcome to hell.

I've been through the Sub-Par League three times, and my team is still not dead. If Vae Victis wants to bring me a new kind of hell, bring it on.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 04:53

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

Don't mind this!

kw0134 fucked around with this message at 05:52 on Nov 16, 2015

# ? Nov 16, 2015 05:07

tatankatonk: Nov 4, 2011; Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Ice To Meet You posted:

Well, it's time for the tiebreaker.

The Winners win! I can't believe it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKQOXYB2cd8

# ? Nov 16, 2015 05:41

Mooseontheloose: May 13, 2003

Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 4
Pick TWO!
Aperture Scientists
Twin Peaks Cherry Pies

# ? Nov 16, 2015 05:48

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

Whoopsie, forgot Scientists are in this one. Changing pick to:

Janus/Scientists.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 05:52

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 4
Pick TWO!
Aperture Scientists
Genoa Janus
New York Winners
Twin Peaks Cherry Pies

# ? Nov 16, 2015 06:36

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

I will also pick the Janus and Scientists to advance.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 07:02

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Finally, our destiny has arrived, as it was always fated to. Good luck, Craig, and

# ? Nov 16, 2015 08:49

The Goog: Aug 6, 2007; It's a Goog Day, yes it is!

Pick them!

Aperture
Winners

# ? Nov 16, 2015 14:11

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

DOOP posted:

Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 4
Pick TWO!
Aperture Scientists
Genoa Janus
New York Winners
Twin Peaks Cherry Pies

QFT

# ? Nov 16, 2015 16:07

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 4
Pick TWO!
Aperture Scientists
Genoa Janus
New York Winners
Twin Peaks Cherry Pies

# ? Nov 16, 2015 18:34

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

Is there a pickem standings update?

# ? Nov 16, 2015 18:41

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XVII, Smasher League Championship Series: Porthcawl Rakers vs. Chicago Southpaws

Yon Porthcawl Rakers are a decent enough team. They've taken control of the Norris-Smythe Division of late, albeit a large part of that is because the W's and Dragons have not quite been able to play up to their potential. The Crows, of course, are the Crows. But, hey, HulkaMatt is a master of survival, and any statistican worth his salt will tell you that, given enough tries, even the nearly impossible becomes probable. His team has a lot of good hitters, most of whom fall somewhere between slap hitters and contact hitters, a team with a lot of doubles power, in other words. That's a good match against the Southpaws in theory, but in practice, it hasn't worked out great, especially since the two teams played in the playoffs last season, and the Southpaws swept them. But, hey, hope springs eternal.

The Chicago Southpaws are a team with unlimited potential, from the left-hand side. At this point, you probably have feelings about them one way or the other, whether they're the greatest feat of engineering in the Super-League's history, or an abomination that threatens to destroy all we know and love. Instead, let me talk about that song. I think everyone about my age heard that song about a million times on the radio when we were still impressionable kids. That and "Mr. Jones" by the Counting Crows. The '90s were an odd time for popular music.

Game 1: Porthcawl Rakers @ Chicago Southpaws (Series Tied 0-0)

Don May posted:

SOUTHPAWS BEAT DOWN RAKERS 7-1 IN OPENER

Chicago- This may not be the longest or most dramatic series in Super-League History.

With a 7-1 beating of the Rakers, the Southpaws have now won four straight playoff games against the Rakers dating to last season. While four games hardly proves anything, the fact that the Rakers failed to win even one of those games certainly does raise the question of whether or not they have a realistic chance of taking four of seven from the surging Southpaws

To be fair to the Rakers, they had a few minor points of success. They did not make any errors, and they got a good performance out of the bullpen from Goose Gossage. Beyond that, it was a disaster. As a team, the Rakers, enjoying the platoon advantage for the most part, amassed just three singles and three walks. Even had Lefty Grove been able to give a great performance, which he was not, that would not have produced enough runs. As it happened, though, Grove had been awful, and the Southpaws simply waltzed to a 7-1 victory.

"I'm not entirely sure what you guys think is going to happen in this series." Pander said after the game, "Now, I'll admit, in theory, the Rakers are a challenge for my team, with all of their right-handed hitters and whatever. But, you know what, I already beat them, it's not a question of whether or not the Southpaws will win, it's whether we'll win again. And look at what happened today. Look at what happened. You think that the Rakers are going to win this series? Do you really think that the Rakers are going to come back from this?"

Pander shook his head, "No, they aren't, they are not coming back. Wait, not, coming back makes it sound like, at one point, they were close, because the Rakers were never close. We always had their number, and we had it again today. Why the hell are we even doing in this series? The Rakers cannot win. It cannot happen. This series is wasting my time, and it's wasting Smasher's time, and if gingemidget had a life, and I kind of doubt that he does, it would be wasting his time, too."

"And you know, the worst part of it is that once I'm done here, I have to explain to JR Leap why it was that I spent my time beating down the Rakers instead of spending time with her. I'm not going to lie, she reads the thread, and when I'm facing a team like the Rakers, she accuses me of basically beating up a, what's the right term for 'retard', because, well, she doesn't think much of gingemidget. And after games like this, I can't say that I really blame her."

gingemidget was not willing to concede, "I never thought that we were going to sweep the Southpaws. But I'm not worried. The Doom? Now that's a scary team, they've got Babe Ruth, Ted Williams and so on. That's a team that you need to worry about. These Southpaws have one trick, and they're very good at that one trick, but they're not a good team. They're really just con men on a hot streak. And I'm the stoic, grizzled D.I. whose going to bring them in. I think that things have gone on long enough, and the Rakers are going to fix things, once and for all. We didn't do it this time, but we'll get them in the end.

Game Two will take place at the Leftorium. Eddie "Babalu" Plank will start for the Rakers, trying to even the series, while the "Left Arm of God", Sandy Koufax, will take the mound for the Southpaws.

GAME NOTES

-As part of an attempt to introduce new viewpoints into these playoffs, noted Super-League aspirant kensei was asked his opinions on the matchup. "Well," He began, "The Southpaws are a lot like Ronda Rousey, they're really good, but also kind of jerks, and they're so good that you wonder whether or not they're coasting after a certain point. And Rousey got crushed after a while once someone figured out the gameplan to stop her, and the Rakers seemed to have the right gameplan. On the other hand, Ronda Rousey was the moderator on a Pokemon forum at one point in her life. That takes a certain type of personality to be that kind of mod, a 'HulkaMatt'-type personality, if you will. And if there's one thing that we've learned, it's that HulkaMatt personalities just have certain problems maintaining success in the long-run. In retrospect, I guess, the fact that HulkaMatt and Ronda Rousey had so much in common should have been a warning sign. I don't think Pander is like HulkaMatt, so that should be fine, I guess. What was the question again?"

-Deacon White deaced it up again, making two errors. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE DOES! THAT IS WHO HE IS! HE IS ERROR MADE FLESH! THE AVATAR OF ERRATAMUS THAT WALKS OUR EARTH!

-Pander's Kershaw in the Super-League is somehow a better playoff starter than Kershaw in the real world. I'm not sure if that's to Pander's credit or evidence that Don Mattingly is some sort of drooling incompetent.

-Did you know? There has never been an exciting 7-1 game, in any sport, really. In baseball, it's a lopsided score where one time's offense completely crapped out. In hockey or soccer, it's a horrifying rout that is only bearable if you're a diehard fan of the team that scored the seven goals. In basketball, it's an unfathomable score. And no other sports are really that watchable.

-Better know a member of the Southpaws! Joe Judge's daughter once dated the author of drat Yankees in the 1940s, and given that the play is about a guy who sells his soul to the devil to become the slugger that the Washington Senators, who Judge played the vast majority of his career for, needed to beat the Yankees, it's interesting to see that even after a solidly slightly above-average career in baseball, Judge was able to transition to inspiring mildly above-average movies.

Box Score

Game 2: Porthcawl Rakers @ Chicago Southpaws (CHS Leads 1-0)

Don May posted:

Chicago- It's tempting to say that the Rakers had a better effort in Game Two.

It's also meaningless.

The reality is that the Rakers showed some level of heart by trying to comeback from a 7-0 deficit to make the final score competitive, but the reality is that they failed to complete the comeback, and find themselves down 2-0 in the series to the Southpaws. Even worse, they failed to win either game in Chicago, meaning that even if they won all three games in Porthcawl, they would still need to win at least one game back at the Leftorium in Game Six or Seven to win this series. And given that the Rakers are now 0-4 lifetime in the Leftorium, that is a daunting task, and one that many think is beyond the Rakers' capability.

But gingemidget was still determined to win this series. "I'm aware of the situation, and I'm aware of the dire straits that we find ourselves in. I'm not going to stand here and pretend that it's easy to win in the Leftorium. It's an evil place, and not the kind of evil that I particularly fancy. It's the evil of modern efficiency, of callous logic completely devoid of anything that isn't cold, brutal, efficient reasoning. I think, in retrospect, that while CthulhuDreams may have been the Godfather of the Spreadsheet Warriors, that our man Pander is his finest disciple."

"I won't lie, there is something impressive about what Pander has done. He has turned a team that uses players that would be bench players at best on other teams, and he turns them into stars. Because he is a man who the numbers talk to, he hears them in his head, telling him exactly how to build his stadium and his lineup so that the impossible becomes definite. And there would be something amazing about all of that, if it weren't just the sort of boring maths that most of us would rather sleep through. Say what you will about Marauder and all of the things that he did, but if there was one thing he stood for, it was that he would not allow this league to turn into a competition to see who could build the best algorithim. I don't have much love for ForeverBWFC, but he was the same way, before he completely lost the ability to be even mildly good at anything. I, for one, will not allow Pander to twist this league into something it's not."

"We couldn't stop him in Chicago in this go-around, but we'll get another chance, I can promise you that. There will be a Game Six in this series. We will return to Chicago, and when we do, the world will quake, the seas will heave, and nothing will ever be the same. This is the last nigh of the great Southpaws dynasty. The times, they are about to be a-changing."

Pander rolled his eyes at that, "gingemidget can say whatever he wants, but the only thing that he should be doing right now is getting to work on my league championship banner. I noticed that our division title banner has a slightly different color than the league title banner we got last season, so, we really do need a new league title banner, to make sure they match. And, yes, I've been spending most of my time this series looking at color schemes for banners, because what else has there been to do/ We have this series won. We have home-field advantage. I don't have to win a game in Porthcawl, they do have to win a game in the Leftorium. They can't. They've have a lot of chances, and they just can't do it. And if they can't, then nothing else really matters. That's the reality of the situation."

"Let me tell you something else, in Game Three, I'm sending out Randy Johnson to pitch in Porthcawl, in a game that the Rakers absolutely cannot afford to lose. If they lose, they're down 3-0 in the series, and they're not coming back from that. Now, Randy Johnson, a lot of you think, is my most vulnerable pitcher. Many owners, including a lot of people reading these words, think that it's too hard to get the best out of Randy Johnson, that he's too wild, that he gives up too many home runs. They just can't figure it out."

"Now, I've already won the series for all intents and purposes, but before I finish things off, I want to prove something. And so, in Game Three, not only am I guaranteeing victory, but I'm going to guarantee that Randy Johnson is going to make the Rakers look pathetic in the process. It's going to be incredible."

Game Three will see the series shift to Porthcawl, a sunny, by Welsh standards, resort town in Wales that is plagued by an unfathomable evil. Speaking of that unfathomable evil, the Rakers will be starting Juan Marichal, while the Southpaws have Randy Johnson taking his turn.

GAME NOTES

-The Rakers still don't have a single extra-base hit in this series. They aren't going to win a singles contest with the Southpaws.

-Arky Vaughan made an error at the worst possible time, leading to three unearned runs that ended up making the difference in this game. On the other hand, defense is part of hte game, and, most of hte time, Vaughan's bat can carry his glove.

-CFBalla, in the stands for the fame, was asked his opinion, "I don't care who wins, as long as they take bloody and violent revenge on the RCMP in the finals." CFBalla explained, "My only hope is that DannoMack is taught a lesson. He poisoned the Masked Shortstop, and is just a terrible human being. I hope he burns in Canadian hell, which is probably a lot lamer than normal hell."

-Better know a member of the Chicago Southpaws! Cecil Travis was going to be a huge star, and then, right when he was about to enter his prime, America entered World War II, and that basically took him away from competitive baseball for the next four years. He never regained his stride after the war, and retired soon after. Even worse, due to the circumstances of World War II, it was kind of awkward to claim that he was a real victim of the war. Had he played through the war, and racked up just those four extra good seasons, he probably would have had at least some case for the Hall of Fame.

Box Score

Game 3: Chicago Southpaws @ Porthcawl Rakers (CHS Leads 2-0)

Don May posted:

RAKERS hosed AS SOUTHPAWS WIN 2-0

Porthcawl- This one is over.

The Rakers couldn't afford to go down 3-0 in this series, and they had the perfect opportunity to win Game Three, as they were facing Randy Johnson, hardly unstoppable in the Super-League, and got a good performance from Juan Marichal, who allowed just two runs in nine innings.

Instead, the Rakers' offense folded, scoring no runs as the Southpaws won their third straight game in this series, and sixth straight playoff game over the Rakers dating back to last season. The Rakers, to win this series, would now have to win four straight games, a scenario that most concede is highly unlikely.

Pander had no doubts the series was almost over. "I think it's time to start looking ahead to the RCMP. I mean, this series is over. We've won three straight games, and now, if the Rakers are going to win this series, they're going to need to win two games in the Leftorium. I'm going to make the bold prediction that, just like last season, and just like every other team that won less than 120 games in the regular season, they're going to have a tough time winning one game. Hell, they're going to have a tough time getting one run in the Leftorium. In fact, I Think that the Rakers are going to have trouble getting one more hit in the Leftorium this season."

"Let's be honest, if Smasher Dynamo were here today, he'd beg the Rakers just to give up. Maybe they won't get swept, maybe they'll win one, maybe even two games. Hell, maybe they can even win three straight games, wouldn't that be something? But they are going to win this series. The only think they're going to do is waste everyone's time. Many of you have nothing else to do with your lives, I appreciate that. But some of us, maybe just me, have better things to do with my time. Like anything. Going for a bike ride or a hike, well, I know that to most of you, the concept of doing something outside must be very strange and unusual to you, and when I start talking about doing something that involves physical activity, I can only imagine what you start thinking then. But let me tell you all something, I know that sitting in front of your computer and playing games on steam all day may be fun, or at least, it may numb you to how pointless your life is, but it's no substitute for living your life. I really hope that at least some of you can figure that out before it's too late."

gingemidget was clearly frustrated. "That was not what I wanted to see out of my team. I thought that we had pride, that we were not going to let these Yanks just come into our own stadium and rip us apart like this. I don't know where I went wrong with this team. Did I know impress on them the consequences of failure? I'm sure that the fact that Jimmie Dykes' entrails still hang over the entrance to the dugout should still remind all of my players that we are serious men playing a serious game. I don't think it's any exaggeration to say that I expect my players to bleed for this team. And I feel as though we're not doing what we need to. There are ways that can correct that, I think, but I hesitate to use them. A lot of people find them to be a bit excessive. But we're down to our last game, I'll do what I have to."

A reporter asked if this meant that the supposed 'art installation' that gingemidget had put in after the Doom series had not had the intended effect. A flash of recognition washed over gingemidget's face. "By Lucifer's beard, I had totally forgotten about that." gingemidget shoot his head, "You go to all the trouble of crucifying your enemies on rakes, and carving eldritch runes onto their bodies, and then arranging them so that they can carry the power of ley lines right into your stadium, and then you just forget about it entirely. I'll admit, that's a mistake on my part."

"The good news is now that I remember, I can activate the spell, and begin my horrifying revenge. I've been told that I really should give a viewer's discretion warning at this point, because the rest of this series is going to be a post-watershed programme, and parents are advised that there will be frank depictions of violence and mortality."

Game Four will take place in Porthcawl. Steve Carlton will try and wrap things up for the Southpaws, while John Clarkson starts for the Rakers.

GAME NOTES

-The Rakers are still having trouble makin good contact. Also, contact in general. It's a problem, and they are rapidly running out of time to solve it.

-Juan Marichal pitched a complete game, saving the Rakers' bullpen some work. Of course, the Rakers' bullpen really had been the least of their problems this time around.

-The Packers just lost. Do I really have to go through the rest of this loving series? Does anyone out there care? I mean, let's be honest, I could get more readers by doing the world's worst Crusader Kings II LP. And don't think the idea hasn't occurred to me. I don't even have to play well, I can pretend that me being terrible is part of the 'role-playing'.

-That said, I hope Randy Johnson just keeps wrecking all of your teams. It's not enough for me to see all of your teams broken, I need them to be destroyed by the least likely form of destruction possible. Like, none of you expected your team to get trucked by Randy Johnson in the Super-League. And here we are. That's fun at least.

Box Score

Game 4: Chicago Southpaws @ Porthcawl Rakers (CHS Leads 3-0)

Don May posted:

RAKERS COMMIT MOST EVIL ACT YET, EXTEND SERIES WITH 21-3 WIN

Porthcawl- Unfortunately, the extra runs the Rakers scored today will not roll over to Game Five.

Which is kind of the big thing in this game.

The Rakers had a great game. And that was good. But what does it mean in the larger story of this series?

For all of the runs they scored, for the 18-run winning margin they racked up, for as good as they looked, and as bad as they made the Southpaws looked, it's still just one win. And all that great effort means that instead of having lost the series outright, they're just down 3-1, and still need to win three more games in a row if they want to advance to their second Super-League finals in three seasons.

"Very impressive," Pander yawned, "I mean, it changes everything! Oh, wait, sorry, I mean that it changes nothing. I mean, who cares? So what? I'm sure that, after the Rakers get eliminated, which is going to happen, and soon, that gingemidget can claim some sort of moral victory, because in one game, his team kicked my team's rear end. Of course, at around the same time, I'll be celebrating a real, actual victory, because I'm about to win the actual, factual Smasher League Championship. It doesn't loving matter what the Rakers do in any one game. This is a series, and this is a series where only one team has won a game on the road, and that team is mine."

"What are we even doing here at this point? Why the gently caress are we even playing these games? Smasher, take a loving break, don't waste your time and effort writing about the rest of this series, we know how it ends, we know that the Southpaws win, and the Rakers lose, and everyone is going to whine and moan about it, but it doesn't matter, because that's just how it goes. I won 111 games in the regular season. Do you know how I did that? It wasn't magic, and it wasn't luck, it was because I am smarter than you. I am smarter than all of you. And because I'm so much loving smarter than anyone else in this league, I just demolished all of your teams."

"And now you want something to happen, you want some team to take me out because that way, you can look at what the Southpaws did to your team, and you want something to make that okay. You want some team to take me out, and show that I'm like you, some idiot that can be beaten. But I'm not like you. My team isn't going to lose. We're going to win, and keep winning, until there's nothing left to win, and then what the gently caress are any of you going to do? Are you going to be willing to admit that I'm that much better than you then? What is it going to take for you all to figure out that I'm just a better person, and that I deserve to win."

"I look at you, and it would break my heart to lose to people like the people in this league. None of you appreciate life. You sit on your computers, and watch your anime, and mope about how your lives haven't turned out the way you wanted. But you know something, life isn't that hard, you just suck at it. I don't suck. I'm a winner, I've got it all, and, by the end of this update, I'm going to be in the finals. That's all there is to it."

gingemidget took that personally, "What the hell do I have to do to this team to get even a bit of respect? I just crushed the Southpaws. I handed them the worst playoff loss that team has ever had. Hell, it might be the worst loss that they've ever had. This isn't a case where, when everything goes right for us, we can barely eke out a win, this is a case that when everything goes right for us, we unleash bloody hell on the Southpaws. I sacrificed all of Slug Lyfe to power this win! I won't have Pander dismiss it so lightly. I grant him, it is just one win, but we did win. The series isn't over yet. I don't see it as us needing to win three games, I see it as the Southpaws needing to win another game if they want to win the series. And if we keep playing like we did today, I'm not sure that they can."

gingemidget was asked how long the magic released by the sacrifice of Slug Lyfe would last. "Long enough." gingemidget explained. "It's not an exact science. Or even science at all. When you come down to it, sacrificing people to gods for power is about as un-scientific as you can get. But I have faith in the powers that seek to destroy all light and hope and start a million-year reign of terror that we'll have power enough to win this series. That much I can say."

Game Five will take place. gently caress. It will take place in Porthcawl, and will see Clayton Kershaw try and kill the Rakers. Lefterson Grove will try and send the series back to the Leftorium.

GAME NOTES

-When you have five hits, like Rogers Hornsby, you're allowed to make two errors. Or even more, really.

-George Davis had a stolen base! That didn't do much in a game where the Rakers scored 21 times.

-Every starter for the Rakers had at least two hits. That's a lot.

-Why won't this series end?

Box Score

Game 5: Chicago Southpaws @ Porthcawl Rakers (CHS Lead 3-1)

Don May posted:

SERIES WITHOUT PITY CONTINUES AS RAKERS ESCAPE PORTHCAWL WITH 6-5 WIN

Porthcawl- For once, the game could have gone either way.

With the Rakers nursing a 6-4 lead, Al Holland, of all people, came into the game to get the save. That didn't seem like much of a problem, as Joe Judge grounded out to start the inning, but a George Davis single added a certain amount of trepidation. Still, it turned out to be a passing problem, as Eddie Collins then flied out, leaving the Rakers just one out away from sending the series back to Chicago, something that seemed almost impossible after the grim 2-0 defeat in Game Three.

Dan Brouthers made the game momentarily interesting with a double that made it a 6-5 game, and put the tying run into scoring position, but then the Rakers shut the door by getting a Paul Waner pop out. With the win, there will be a Game Six in Chicago, and if the Rakers can win the next two games, they will have achieved the impossible, and beaten the Southpaws after falling behind 3-0 in the series.

"Do I think we can win in Chicago?" gingemidget repeated the reporter's question. "I'm not sure how you expect me to answer that question. What do you want me to say 'I think Pander is going to crush us in Game Six, I think we're totally hosed, and we should just give up now, in fact, I'm going to forfeit right now.' No, I'm going to say that. I think we can win Game Six, I think we can win Game Seven, and I think we can win this series. There's no reason to think that the Southpaws can't be stopped. The Pirates could do it, we can do it, too. I don't believe that any is impossible."

gingemidget thought about that. "Actually, I believe a lot of things are impossible. Barrow winning the premier, Jeremy Corbyn becoming prime minister, the Crows finishing out of last place. But this isn't impossible. The Rakers can beat the Southpaws in two straight games. As evidence, well, we just won two straight games against the Southpaws. I don't think I need much more proof that it can be done than the fact that it has been done and we just did it, right?"

Pander didn't seem to care, "I don't care." He said after the game. "In fact, I care so little that-"

"Pander!" JR Leap interrupted him. "You said we would watch Supergirl together!"

"Of course, I was just finishing up with the Super-League."

"Why do you spend time with these nerds?" JR Leap asked.

"It's charitable, really. I like to show them an example of what a fully functional adult looks like, and by beating them, I encourage them to be more like me, which is really in their own best interest. It's the right thing to do." Pander said confidently.

"But they're nerds!" JR Leap said, irritated. "And we're supposed to watch Supergirl! Spending time together is much more important than the Super-League."

Pander nodded, "Honey, you are right about that. And I do want to get serious for a minute, because I know that a lot of you people don't prioritize things correctly in your lives. Let me be clear that the Super-League should be the lowest priority for all you. Spend time with your friends and your family and, someday, miraculously for some of you, your significant other. And so I'm going to stop this press conference right now, and go off with my fiancee to watch Supergirl together, because that is more important to me than going for at length about how the Rakers are going to lose Game Six in some incredibly embarassing way, which they absolutely will."

Game Six will take place in Chicago! But not the good part, it's in Bridgeport. Yes, that's right, Bridgeport. I know, I know, none of you want to go to Bridgeport, but we have no choice. Eddie "Babalu" Plank will try and keep the Rakers going into a decisive Game Six, while Sandy Koufax will stand for the theory that the Leftorium is a place where dreams die.

GAME NOTES

-Rogers Hornsby hit two home runs for the Rakers, and had five of the team's six RBIs. It's fair to say that without him, the Rakers wouldn't be playing in a Game Six.

-Not a great game by Kershaw, but not a terrible one, either.

-Did you know? Between this series, and the Sub-Par League Finals I was watching as I wrote this update, I am down on baseball. And sports. And competitive endeavors. And being alive in general. It's an issue.

Box Score

Game Six: Porthcawl Rakers @ Chicago Southpaws (CHS Lead 3-2)

Don May posted:

SOUTHPAWS BLANK RAKERS 7-0, ADVANCE TO FINAL FOR SECOND STRAIGHT SEASON

Chicago- It was not a close game.

In the fourth inning, having failed to get a runner on base to that point, the Rakers finally broke through, with Arky Vaughan reaching first on a single. Rogers Hornsby immediately hit into a double play.

The Rakers would not have another baserunner in the game.

The Southpaws, having limited the Rakers to just 27 batters, the minimum for a full nine-inning game, easily won 7-0, and advanced to the Super-League Finals for the second straight season.

"Like I said, the key for this series was the Rakers winning in the Leftorium." Pander said as he regarded the ForeverBWFC Memorial Cup, given to the winner of the Smasher League after each season. "The Rakers couldn't, and that was the end of them. There's not much else to it. In fact, there's nothing else."

"And I have some exciting news about that, actually. I checked woth Smasher, and I have home-field advantage this time. So, we're right back where we were at the beginning of this series, if you want to stop my team, you'll need to win at least one game in the Leftorium. The Rakers took on that challenge, and failed. And now some other team, I can't remember which one-"

"Hey there, hi there!" DannoMack emerged from the crowd, holding his Marauder Memorial Bowl, awarded to the winner of the Dynamo League, as well as his newly won Canadian Championship belt. "Yeah, I'm the guy who won the Dynamo League, so I'll be facing you in the Finals this time."

"And you are?" Pander asked.

"DannoMack!" DannoMack said, "And I just want to tell you that you've been an inspiration to me. You know, when I was in the Sub-Par League, I wondered if I was ever going to make it, but then I saw what your team did, and I thought, well, if Pander could do it, then I can do it too!"

"I appreciate being your inspiration...Danny, was it? Anyway, Danny, I think there's an important distinction to be make here. While you should definitely be trying to be more like me, since I'm basically the only guy in the Super-League is a real functioing adult, you're never going to be as great as me. That's just more than a guy starting from as far back as you are is going to be able to accomplish. And, because of that, while I think you did great getting all the way to the finals, I don't think that you're going to be able to actually beat me."

"Oh, I don't know, people thought I could beat the Kernels and the Sheikhs." DannoMack just smiled. "I think I might do better than you think."

"Wait a minute, I remember you, Danny, you're that guy who owned the Mounties back in Sub-Par League III, right?"

"I am." DannoMack nodded happily, "You remember me!"

"I remember kicking your team's sorry rear end for the entire season. Didn't I win our division by 20 games?" Pander asked.

"It was only 18 games." DannoMack protested, "But that's not the point, because I remember how your team used to really suck, and then you made a bunch of trades and turned your team into a winner, and I did the same thing with my team. And I'm not sure that I would have done it if it weren't for you!"

Pander didn't seem quite sure on how to react to that, "Well, I guess it is a testament to how inspirational I really am. But, then again, the last time you faced my team, we crushed you like a bug. And not a particular big bug, either. A small bug, but not small enough that it can just fly away and you spend an hour looking to kill it with a fly swatter, and then you have JR Leap looking at you and laughing, and calling you a dork because you keep swinging and missing at that god-damned fly! How the gently caress is it that we have all sorts of technology, but I'm stuck with a loving fly swatter that can't hit the fly! The point is, you're not a loving fly! You're just a bug that I can smash, and I'm going to smash, and that's all there is going to be to it."

"But what if you don't?" DannoMack asked. "Let me tell you a story, Pander, it's about a scrappy character named-"

"Is this a hockey story?" Pander cut him off.

"Not, uh, every Canadian story has to do with hockey." DannoMack said defensively. "This one is about a scrappy kid named Bret Hart. A lot of people thought that he was too small and too uncharismatic to be a star wrestler. But he worked, and then, when all of the bigger and most charismatic wrestlers either got too old or were embroiled in steroid scandals, Bret Hart became champion! And then he got beaten buy a sumo wrestler. But then he became champion again! And then he lost to a senior citizen. But then he became champion again! And then he lost to a male stripper with a zip line. But then he became champion again! And then lost to a sentient perm mullet. But then he became champion again! But that's when Bret screwed Bret. And then he went to WCW, and it's hard to keep track of what happened. I think he got most of his brains kicked out by Goldberg, and then he had a stroke."

"Where are you going with this?" Pander asked.

"Well, you see, the Canadian spirit is about overcoming adversity, and Bret Hart did that. Repeatedly. Just like any great Canadian would. So you may beat us up, but we'll be back."

Pander shook his head, "Is Bret Hart still wrestling now?"

"Well, no, he had to give up after getting his brains kicked out."

"So, he did quit." Pander confirmed.

"Well, yeah, he had to." DannoMack, he's brains had gotten kicked out.

"So, if I kick out your brains, that would stop you?" Pander asked.

"Yes." DannoMack took a second to process that. "No, wait, don't kick my brains out. That's not really the point. The real point is that with the right spirit, you can overcome anything! Except getting your brains kicked out. Or having a stroke. But you can overcome from some types of adversity, I think the adversity you put me through is the sort that I can come back from."

"That's a very mature attitude to have, DannoMack." Pander agreed. "Adversity is something to be worked through. And that's why, in the finals, I'm going to give you some more adversity. Because we're frieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeends!"

GAME NOTES

-ForeverBWFC protested the trophy for the Smasher League winner being named the ForeverBWFC memorial cup as, according to him, he's not dead yet. The Super-League has vowed to remedy that situation, one way, or another.

-The Rakers made a bunch of errors, which didn't matter, since, if you only get one single and no walks in the game, you're almost certainly going to lose anyway.

-Just one more regular update. And then however long it takes me to execute whichever team was dumb enough to challenge the Macho Men.

Box Score

Pick 'em: Finals!

Super-League XVII, Finals
Pick the Winner, Number of Games (Best of Seven), and score of Final Game.

The SOUTHPAWS have home-field advantage

Finals
RCMP vs. Chicago Southpaws

# ? Nov 16, 2015 19:05

CraigK: Nov 4, 2008; by exmarx

it is going to be the Janus and the Winners, i hope the helps

# ? Nov 16, 2015 20:19

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

Pick 'em: Finals!

Super-League XVII, Finals
Pick the Winner, Number of Games (Best of Seven), and score of Final Game.

The SOUTHPAWS have home-field advantage

Finals
RCMP vs. Chicago Southpaws 6, 9-5

# ? Nov 16, 2015 20:23

DannoMack: Aug 1, 2003; i love it when you call me big poppa

Kennel from Hell having itself a season.

Smasher Dynamo posted:

The SOUTHPAWS have home-field advantage

Motherfucker

# ? Nov 16, 2015 21:07

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Clayton Kershaw wins a playoff game :siren:

_{in the Super League}

Yes, I know Kershaw won a playoff game as recently as this past season.

Anyway, go Southpaws. Mostly to get the gently caress out of my division.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 21:11

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

Oh man I completely forgot, I'm not rebranding per se but thanks to the efforts of McD This will be the Slaughterhouse Nine's new logo starting next season:

# ? Nov 16, 2015 21:37

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

my god

# ? Nov 16, 2015 22:25

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

# ? Nov 16, 2015 22:54

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

oldskool, I am still wondering about your Felix Hernandez. I offered HR Baker to give you some depth at 3B and I don't think you ever responded. I'm open to counteroffers, I'm just not sure what you want for one of your rando pitchers.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 23:22

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

Monicro posted:

Oh man I completely forgot, I'm not rebranding per se but thanks to the efforts of McD This will be the Slaughterhouse Nine's new logo starting next season:

# ? Nov 16, 2015 23:40

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Pander
DannoMack

Get me your interleague lineups by noon tomorrow. Because I'm simming noon tomorrow either way. The end of this season cannot come soon enough.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 23:50

DannoMack: Aug 1, 2003; i love it when you call me big poppa

Are playoff rosters set in stone or can I call up Gary Carter to lead us to glory like the mighty Expos?

# ? Nov 17, 2015 00:12

tatankatonk: Nov 4, 2011; Pitching is the art of instilling fear.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for the first ever end-of-the-season Villainy Power Rankings! Who's been brushing up on their callousness? Who's rolled out a brand new personality to be spit upon? Who's too weak to deserve your enmity? Let's find out! _{All ratings determined by a proprietary formula, and definitely were not dictated from a damaged, sparking, and screaming CthulhuDreams}

43.McFreeze - Authority figures in the Superleague come in two flavors: the personal and furious, and the impersonal and benign. McFreeze is the latter, and works tirelessly to run the playpen where the weakest teams live and die. This a failure! Teams should fear the Doom and the wrath of a slightly less angry sub-God! Get meaner!

42. RevenantThreshold - Come on. Come on. Are you serious? Arthurian knights and poo poo? Are you being real? No. Come back when you've shifted your emphasis from Britain's heroic folk mythology to social realism reflecting its long history of paranoia and prejudice. Then you've got a stew going. Right now, you've got a pot of warm water.

41. Grinnblade - You have to survive to be a convincing villain. The Putties aren't scary. Do you know what I'm talking about? Whatever the henchmen on Power Rangers were called. You want to be like the other lady. The loving...the witch lady! After 10,000 years I'm finally free, that lady. I don't remember her name. Anyway, stop being a henchman. Rita Repulsa. I can recall that, but I have to check the calendar for my dad's birthday. Jesus Christ.

40. inky101 - Emoticons aren't evil! Being nice isn't evil! Get meaner! :nyan:

No!

No!

Yes!

39. BagOfDucks - Really, owners are more despicable the farther to the right they are on the Hapless/Bad --------------- Ruthless/Competent axes. Losing 90+ games and naming your team after a mime troupe or something puts you on the far-left of that spectrum. Come back with a new team and Get Mean!!!!

38. johnfw50 - Look, John. I've traded with you several times. And every time we trade, I get the distinct feeling that you're looking to be brief, fair, and honest. This is a whole bunch of bullshit, John! Trades are supposed to be like two guys hopped on speed pushed into the hold of a rusting pirate hulk, told by their captors that to live, you must kill the other! Imagine that while you're trading! Stab me in the neck with the rusty edge of a Hungry Man TV Dinner tray! Offer me 1952 Bob Friend for my 1993 Robb Nen and a 1st round Dispersal Draft pick! Get Mean!!!!

37. ForeverBWFC - Won two championships, but did it with a team that wasn't ruthlessly optimized, was carrying a bunch of flawed personalities, and had a shocking lack of Mogul simulations. Pathetic. Should be stripped of his titles until Eri Yoshida is traded for Trevor Hoffman and a coffee mug with several Ronald Reagan quotes on the side.

36. Pash - You think you stand a chance at being evil? How about you stop being pleasant and polite and easy to deal with! You think working as a bureaucrat in Minnesota is going to maximize your potential as a villain? Buddy, you better start thinking like Robert Moses. My advice is move to New York City, build an unaccountable organization of toll collectors and urban planners, and route new highways through the metro area in a way that minority neighborhoods are disrupted and abandoned, all in the name of vague liberal Progress. 'You betcha' that you had better start Getting Mean!!!

35. Kouerson - You think referencing Twin Peaks makes you a badass? Buddy, in 2015 all it makes you is mark you as semi-cultured and passingly familiar with the work of a respected and prolific director. Try naming yourself after something in Winter Light when you're ready to be serious. Something like the "Uppsala God Has Abandoned Me, And Yet I Must Continue Living In This Empty World"(s). Get Mean!

34. fairgame - Look, at some point a person has to look deep in their heart and be honest with themselves. Can the Cosmic Space Fish or whatever they're going to be called next season ever hope to win the SuperLeague?...Yes? Technically, it's true, and technically correct is the worst kind of correct, and Cardinals fans are the worst kinds of fans, and while you're not 'The Worst', your team, record-wise, is almost always 'The Worst.' Remember The Worst? I forgot where I was going with this. Get Well Soon.

33. tadashi - Did I say Cardinals fans are the worst? I meant Cubs fans are the worst. You think I'm scared? Smasher has never read anything I've ever written here, and he sure as hell isn't going to start right now. Go Brewers.

32. Pungry - Pungry/Oh Pungry/You ran away/Pungry/Now you're hungry/Pungry/I'm so in love with you/ Whatever you want to do is all right with me/ 'Cause you make me feel so brand new/ And I want to spend my life with you/ Let me say that since, baby, since we've been together/ Loving you forever is what I need/ Oh let me be the one you come running to/ I'll never be untrue

31. HulkaMatt - The People's Champ. Much like global socialism or Christ returning to Earth, his final victory seems distant, but his triumph will come 'like a thief in the night'. I think that's from the bible, because I'm watching Law and Order (New York shoutout) right now, and a priest just said it like he was quoting something. Fatally flawed because of your Yankees fandom, which will curdle everyone's love to contempt when they find out. Stay strong, brother. Don't Get Mean!

30. GenericGirlName - Look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made old Honus Wagner your starting shortstop. I'm sorry that the Mets lost the World Series. Most of all, I'm sorry that I didn't go through with my plan of laundering all the good players on the Killer Mikes onto the Winners so that they'd become an unstoppable superteam. You deserved better...than ChampRamp. I'm excellent and cool, though.

29. Monathin - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wAkvM-rttM

28. Monicro - Everyone knows that you shouldn't be mean to children. But everyone also knows that teenagers are the worst people in the world. A coincidence? Or God's Divine Law, as revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)? Get off my lawn.

27. Robert Deadford - Polish. That's it. Sorry. I'm sorry.

26. Quaker/Tatankatonk - I'm perfect. Friendly, but also bitter and cruel. Smart, but also extremely stupid and lazy. Won't rip off teams in trades, except when I try to. I'm now twenty-two minutes into the song I picked for mrnoun, and my self-hatred is coming to a high. The lyrics of this song really resonate with me. "I travel the void alone/Yes I travel the void alone/Butterfly queen of the kingdom of green/she can dance all night". I get it.

25. Armitage - "You can't hate a man who's just doing his job." - Armitage, it's okay. You don't have to like the Mets. You don't have to be the Jobbers anymore. You can- oh, you changed your name to the Villains? You get to go up ten spots. Now, just try being good. No, I mean good at Mogul.

24. cbx - cbx isn't a villain. I don't know why he's on here. Mike Ilitch and his agonizing quest for another ring, which we all have to watch, wincing, is the real villain. The cruel march of time is the real villain. By associating with both of these terrible things, cbx has catapulted himself far higher on this list than he'd be normally.

23. mks5000 - The Handle System has been designed at a very basic level as a distributed system; that is, it will run across as many computers as are required to provide the desired functionality. Handles are held in and resolved by handle servers and the handle servers are grouped into one or more handle sites within each handle service. There are no design limits on the total number of handle services which constitute the Handle System, there are no design limits on the number of sites which make up each service, and there are no limits on the number of servers which make up each site. Replication by site, within a handle service, does not require that each site contain the same number of servers; that is, while each site will have the same replicated set of handles, each site may allocate that set of handles across a different number of servers. Thus, increased numbers of handles within a site can be accommodated by adding additional servers, either on the same or additional computers, additional sites can be added to a handle service at any time, and additional handle services can be created. Every service must be registered with the Global Handle Registry, but that handle service can also have as many sites with as many servers as needed. The result is that the number of identifiers that can be accommodated in the current Handle System is limited only by the number of computers available. Constant performance across increasing numbers of identifiers is addressed by hashing, replication, and caching. Hashing, a technique well known to database designers, is used in the Handle System to evenly allocate any number of identifiers across any number of servers within a site, and allows a single computation to determine on which server within a set of servers a given handle is located, regardless of the number of handles or the number of servers. Each server within a site is responsible for a subset of handles managed by that site. Given a specific identifier and knowledge of the handle service responsible for that identifier, a handle client selects a site within that handle service and performs a single computation on the handle to determine which server within the site contains the handle. The result of the computation becomes a pointer into a hash table, which is unique to each handle site and can be thought of as a map of the given site, mapping which handles belong to which servers.

22. TKBomber7285 - Ghosts aren't scary, or compelling, regardless of what the Paranormal Activity media franchise would have you believe. Although, I think those were demons? So, make the Dorchester Demons next time. Where will you find demons? Why, any New Englander picked at random will do.

21. blackmongoose - Something about a stadium filled with clones, or something? Look, I didn't pay attention to the early Super-League, okay? Citizen X is like...a good guy, and blackmongoose is like...a terrorist? I don't know. I don't know. You ever try to go back and watch 24, after never having watched it while it was popular? Yeah. It's rough. It's rough. It reminds you of the monsters we've become. Of all the evil we've internalized. All the deaths we excuse. How we mask our own murderousness and callousness with imaginary things like "patriotism" and "nationalism." Anyway, I learned all I ever needed to know about Antarctica while watching Werner Herzog's Encounters at the End of the World, which is a documentary about a man making a movie about Klaus Kinski hauling a boat over a mountain.

20. CVE- The SuperLeague's "Good German." It should be understood that the idea of a Good German is also an ironic reference to the tens of thousands of ex-Nazi officials who were re-integrated into West German society after the occupying Allies realized the true scope of any imagined Denazification effort, and wrapped it up quickly so that an anti-communist government could inherit the practical experience of the previous one. In much the same way, you use something evil (gimmicks) and make it palatable by wrapping it in something I like (Fallout). Carry on, soldier! Also, RIP the Fat Hippos, who transcended cheap, hacky references to Europe's ugly past.

19. rabidsquid - You've ran out naked onto the plains of madness, with FlyingLlama as your only companion. As far as you can see, the blood-soaked earth speaks to you, telling you the secret to being killed by the Macho Men. "Dingers," you say. Dingers. You whisper it to yourself, and then it's three hours later, and you've dug a hole in the ground ten feet deep, and FlyingLlama is hovering twenty feet above you, laughing. He is naked. You are screaming. The rocks scream around you. Mexico City is buried, beneath you. You dig the red earth. M E X I CO CI TY IS U N D ER YOU

18.FlyingLlama - You like to build obscene monuments to excess, which is good. But one wonders if perhaps your ambition doesn't mark you as liberated, but as a slave to a philosophy. It's not enough to have a gimmick! That gimmick has to win! You have to win at all costs! It's not what the dinger is, it's what it represents! You must imagine yourself as the ball, and the bat as whatever means necessary, and you leaving the stadium as you, the owner, ascending to the plane of the Machoed. Anyway, to get any higher on this list you'll need more home runs.

16/17. Forzelt/Zodiac5000 - Are the Sodakhans villainous? They're barbarous, but that's not quite the same thing. You already worship threshers, which is great. Now throw people into the threshers. Also, stop drinking red wine and Dr. Pepper, or whatever. Not because it's not villainous, but just because you'll probably die.

15.TheMcD - In the finest German tradition, you followed the most disgusting social/roster philosophies of your time so that you could benefit materially from other peoples' suffering. Also in the finest German tradition, you have an unnatural admiration of Japan, and seek their favor. On the other hand, you like video games about high school students playing with an evil cartoon bear? I think that's what it's about, and I'm not about to investigate further. Also, you panic too easily. You might be on an Interpol watch list, but you'll have to purge yourself of fear and anime before you can rise any higher.

14. CthulhuDreams - Was the first generation of computers scary, in its own way? Yes - the idea of the malevolent AI is persistent and unsettling, but as we become more familiar with computers, they also start to become less frightening. Much like the Commodore 64, you've fallen on hard times, your single-mindedness mocked as obsolete by your successors. At the moment, you're less villainous than the Cloud-Processing Web 2.0 Bullshit of Pander, in the same way that IBM inspires less visceral hatred in me than seeing Mark Zuckerberg's grinning reptile face. Upgrade your RAM, and then crush these upstarts, like Snapchat will be crushed when their investors realize that they've paid billions of dollars for something that doesn't actually make any money.

13. Habeasdorkus - You never realize how much you miss your racist, reactionary relatives until they die. Then you realize you don't miss them at all. I'm not saying Habeasdorkus was a racist or a reactionary. I'm just saying he played one on television.

12. CraigK - HEY FOLKS JUST GONNA DO THIS ONE IN THE DIALECT OF THE CRAIGKS. THANKS TO THE EFFORTS OF ARCHIVISTS, LINGUISTS, AND GENEROUS DONATIONS FROM PRIVATE INDIVIDUALS, WE'VE FINALLY BEEN ABLE TO REPLICATE THEIR STRANGE LANGUAGE FOR THE FIRST TIME. NOW PHRASES LIKE 'GODDAMNIT YOU BUNCH OF LOSERS WHY WONT YOU HIT' AND 'IM QUITTING THE SUPERLEAGUE' CAN BE EXAMINED IN ALL THEIR SUBTLE POETRY. CRAIGK ISN'T EVIL, BUT HE CAN BE ANNOYING, WHICH, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IS ENCOUNTERED FAR MORE OFTEN THAN TRUE EVIL, SO, REALLY, IT'S WORSE. TO ASCEND TO THE LEVEL OF PANDER HE WILL ALSO HAVE TO BE INFURIATING, WHICH IS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT.

11. mentholmoose - Sometimes you feel bad for someone who's failed for so long, and then you realize that if they ever got the chance, they'd drown you in a gutter if it meant a chance at power. He Got Mean...but he never...Got...Gud....

10. gingemidget - Blood sacrifice IS really villainous, it's true. But something's missing. Or i'm just depressed, and can no longer find joy in the things I once did. Try hexing Pander's copy of mogul, and use his tears to power your occult sorcery.

9. CaptainYesterday - An extremely good and compelling villain, in that I don't actually understand what powers your success. I don't know why people have to die, either, but that doesn't mean I don't fear it. Now, just act as if it was your plan all along that Hunter Pence would become a starter-caliber Superleague outfielder or whatever.

8. ToiletofSadness - N/A

7. CFBalla - Haha, what? CFBalla? Up here? Whaaaat? The guy who does the podcast? I mean, sure, he cheated Beet out of a championship that one time, and Beet doesn't need any help, but how is he supposed to be villainous? You'd have t

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOiE0LCu6J0

6. Marauder - Dead. Or in Japan or something, which is like being dead. While the Syndicate is gone forever, Marauder will always be in space, gathering power. This is like an honorary lifetime achievement award position. Or a tomb haunted by spooky ghosts. I was lying to TKBomber, and ghosts are extremely scary.

5. Mornacale - Extraordinarily solid work by a relatively inexperienced owner. Gimmicks, pre-season simulations, arbitrary lineup changes, overconfidence in the face of results. Amazing. The second trickiest part to master as an evil owner is being so confident that any actual defeat is dismissed as secondary to the integrity of your vision, and implications that we're not fools for doing the same. Because we're all fools for actually playing this, it will only take a mild amount of bullying on your part before we believe this to be true.

4. mrnoun - You killed me out of greed. I'm going to explain how I feel about that with a 59-minute long progressive rock song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx-0BmYg5Z8

3. Dannomack - What have you turned into? Have you always been this way? Were we blind? We thought that a villain had to taunt us, or tell us that we had lost. But you stand there, smiling, and we're smiling with you. And the knife doesn't hurt when it goes in our side. And the blood on us is warm. And you say 'How about that trade, eh?' And we've lost. And you say 'You want to trade me your 1904 Rube Waddell and a first rounder for my 1969 Juan Marichal?' And before we close our eyes, we say yes.

2. Beet - Beet doesn't care what I think. Beet doesn't care what any of us think. It doesn't matter what you think.

XX. Smasher Dynamo - The hateful god who binds us to this cruel machine. Gives life, and renders it unbearable. Would be the highest villain, except you can't fear Nature as much as you can hate Man, because the latter shares your station, and can take joy in your suffering. In a higher category, I guess.

1. Pander - Get The gently caress Outta Here.

Life is easy
We can stay in this place
This amazing grace for years to come
Close your eyes, lay down on meadows green
Entering the scene of summer

You don't have to search the way of the gods
and the star fields above will bring you higher
But happiness won't enter your heart
Your ambition will leave you restless

Spinning the wheels of evolution
Set the industrial heart in motion

- The Flower Kings, Garden of Dreams

# ? Nov 17, 2015 00:25

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

Those were the nicest words anyone on the internet has typed out about me.

I remember The Worst, as well.

# ? Nov 17, 2015 00:33

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

So generic I don't get ranked :allears:

Southpaws, in 5, 3-2.

# ? Nov 17, 2015 00:43

The Goog: Aug 6, 2007; It's a Goog Day, yes it is!

Should I be insulted that I'm not even on the villainy power rankings? Probably. I'll get you for this! Maybe.

PICK THEM

Southpaws in 6, 4-1

# ? Nov 17, 2015 00:45

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

I'm actually extremely nice, and good. :colbert:

# ? Nov 17, 2015 00:46

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# ? May 14, 2024 12:05

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

I'll take #15 with room to grow. This offseason will be pretty instrumental in growing my confidence in my team, so we'll have to see where that goes in combination with the new challenges of the Knights and Losers.

kw0134 posted:

So generic I don't get ranked

The Goog posted:

Should I be insulted that I'm not even on the villainy power rankings? Probably. I'll get you for this! Maybe.

The ranking was only for active owners. You spent this season in the dead zone, so you don't get ranked. Look forward to next season's rankings!

# ? Nov 17, 2015 00:46

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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