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Crazyeyes posted:Her father relentlessly asks why she went to the OBGYN every time she goes. She's not worried the doctor will divulge info, more that her father will pester her mercilessly about it and she is unwilling to tell him to butt out. As a guy i may not grasp the difference between oral contraception vs implant varieties as far as sigma but I think she may think he'll get upset or something even though I consider it the same thing. He knows she takes BC so it shouldn't matter but she thinks it does. He's got this whole "daddy's little princess" mentality so he may legit think she's still a virgin and takes BC for more wholesome reasons. Not like I sit down with him and talk about his daughter's and my sex life. If by nice guy you mean extremely controlling rear end in a top hat.
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Dec 7, 2015 03:39
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He's treating her like this when she's 25? How is this any of his business?
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Dec 7, 2015 03:44
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Have you considered sitting down with him and saying, "Hey your daughter, my girlfriend of X years, is scared to talk to go to the doctor, because you might be pestering her about something incredibly sensitive."?
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Dec 7, 2015 03:54
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Crazyeyes posted:Her father relentlessly asks why she went to the OBGYN every time she goes. She's not worried the doctor will divulge info, more that her father will pester her mercilessly about it and she is unwilling to tell him to butt out. As a guy i may not grasp the difference between oral contraception vs implant varieties as far as sigma but I think she may think he'll get upset or something even though I consider it the same thing. He knows she takes BC so it shouldn't matter but she thinks it does. He's got this whole "daddy's little princess" mentality so he may legit think she's still a virgin and takes BC for more wholesome reasons. Not like I sit down with him and talk about his daughter's and my sex life. No, he isn't a nice guy. He's a piece of poo poo.
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Dec 7, 2015 04:03
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FYI if she can't face her parents about this, she probably won't be able to in other parts of her life and they will basically continue to control her part of your relationship from now until they die. If you think moving in together is going to somehow sever the influence they have, you're in for a total poo poo show.
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Dec 7, 2015 04:27
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Crazyeyes posted:Her father relentlessly asks why she went to the OBGYN every time she goes. She's not worried the doctor will divulge info, more that her father will pester her mercilessly about it and she is unwilling to tell him to butt out. As a guy i may not grasp the difference between oral contraception vs implant varieties as far as sigma but I think she may think he'll get upset or something even though I consider it the same thing. He knows she takes BC so it shouldn't matter but she thinks it does. He's got this whole "daddy's little princess" mentality so he may legit think she's still a virgin and takes BC for more wholesome reasons. Not like I sit down with him and talk about his daughter's and my sex life. That is not irritating, that is unhealthy, controlling behavior that is damaging her emotionally. Seriously, he is making his daughter neurotic and paranoid by harassing her over her private health issues. Maybe she's awesome and amazing in other ways, but I'd find just having to deal with this circus not worth it. And Prada Slut is right, this will NOT go away when she moves out unless she completely cuts all ties with him.
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Dec 7, 2015 04:49
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Couple weeks ago I asked for thoughts about my boyfriend wanting to keep our open relationship status, but having guilt issues about it. Well I found out what the real underlying issue was. He asked me to go with him to a Dr's appt tomorrow afternoon. He told me that he was HIV positive, and wanted me to meet with his Dr about getting me started on PrEP (Truvada) so that I'm safer with him. He was terrified that I would basically walk, and why he wasn't wanting to fully commit and put himself out there. I'm not walking. I really do care for him, pretty confident I love him. I let him know I'll be there at his appt, and while safety is a concern, we'd deal with it together. So, what guidance can anyone give about this particular situation? I already knew the basics about Truvada prior to this, but never pursued trying to get a Rx for it. I'm sure I'll learn plenty from his Infectious Disease Dr tomorrow, so I guess I'm looking for input on being HIV negative while in a relationship with someone who's positive. I suspect this will be challenging at times, but I refuse to lose what I could have with this amazing guy.
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Dec 7, 2015 05:12
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If he doesn't drive her there himself, he has no reason to know she's going to any kind of doctor at all. I would have been lying to him and saying I was going out "with friends" or "to the mall" or "to the movies with [boyfriend]" the entire time, wtf. I shouldn't judge but I grew up in a household with very watchful, in-my-business parents and I know it's possible to keep secrets from your parents if you really want to. Tbqh I'd sever until she grows a spine and gives her dad some drat boundaries. Moving out is not going to fix it if she still feels compelled to tell him that she's going to the gynecologist every time. Madbullogna, I have no experience with HIV but I wish you the best. I guess the basic advice would be to make sure any partners you've had or shared with him are informed as well, and keep an eye on his virus counts/use barrier protection. How long has he known his status? Is it a red flag for you that he continued to engage in intercourse/play with others possibly knowing he carried the virus and not informing them? I'm trying not to be judgemental here and understand that HIV status is a pretty big wrench in the works when finding one-night-stands, let alone a lifetime relationship, and that he was probably scared shitless of telling anyone, but that's something that I think everybody involved needs to know ASAP, so it's pretty important you figure out when he first tested positive and how many partners you two have shared since.
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Dec 7, 2015 05:36
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Faerunner posted:Madbullogna, I have no experience with HIV but I wish you the best. I guess the basic advice would be to make sure any partners you've had or shared with him are informed as well, and keep an eye on his virus counts/use barrier protection. How long has he known his status? Is it a red flag for you that he continued to engage in intercourse/play with others possibly knowing he carried the virus and not informing them? I'm trying not to be judgemental here and understand that HIV status is a pretty big wrench in the works when finding one-night-stands, let alone a lifetime relationship, and that he was probably scared shitless of telling anyone, but that's something that I think everybody involved needs to know ASAP, so it's pretty important you figure out when he first tested positive and how many partners you two have shared since. His viral load is actually why he's seeing his Dr tomorrow, he hasn't been on meds since his diagnosis a couple of years ago. He told me he didn't see the point in it, and apparently it's been a tough couple of years for him. Thankfully, he has decided he wants to be around for a long time and take care of himself, so his Dr is going to consider whatever AV meds are appropriate for where he's at right now. As far as playing with others, I know the majority have been Grindr hookups. I know his profile doesn't disclose either way, and at least when we first hooked up, I never asked either. I've got mixed feelings on that, on all sides of the argument. But I do know he used protection when he plays, (as we have as well), and he never lied to me. But again, I didn't specifically ask, which gets into that horrid debate about what is socially and morally the right thing to do. It was a long night, so I'm still getting answers, but he's been open to me this far. I know I'll be asking more over the next few days. Figures I finally find a great one, and it's got one of the trickiest strings attached to it that I could have imagined.
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Dec 7, 2015 06:08
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This also sounds like one of those situations where her parents will pressure her for grandkids, she'll fold and "forget" to take her birth control without telling you, she'll get knocked up, and then refuse the abortion that she was so confident telling you she would definitely get. I'm not calling her a liar, but the stress of it all mixed with the parental influence will probably make that how it plays out. I'm not trying to scare you off necessarily, but you need to keep these things as a consideration. Her situation sounds ridiculously unstable already, and you're going to leave the entirety of your birth control fate to her. You don't want kids for 5-8 years, I all but guarantee you it'll be two years at the most if this keeps up.
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Dec 7, 2015 06:16
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PRADA SLUT posted:This also sounds like one of those situations where her parents will pressure her for grandkids, she'll fold and "forget" to take her birth control without telling you, she'll get knocked up, and then refuse the abortion that she was so confident telling you she would definitely get. I'm not calling her a liar, but the stress of it all mixed with the parental influence will probably make that how it plays out. Right but she always makes him wear condoms no matter what, so even if she stopped, he's still protected. Hell she might make him wear condoms because she forgets to take her BC regularly. We don't know really why, I'm not sure what's wrong with just respecting that your gf asks you to wear a rubber, or why we have to grind down her will to have safer (albeit overkill,) sex.
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Dec 7, 2015 06:34
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Madbullogna posted:His viral load is actually why he's seeing his Dr tomorrow, he hasn't been on meds since his diagnosis a couple of years ago. He told me he didn't see the point in it, and apparently it's been a tough couple of years for him. Thankfully, he has decided he wants to be around for a long time and take care of himself, so his Dr is going to consider whatever AV meds are appropriate for where he's at right now. My definition of "a great one" would not include someone who has sex with multiple partners while knowing he is HIV+ and without telling them. That would be my definition of "a worthless piece of poo poo".
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Dec 7, 2015 09:45
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 with the man who lied about having HIV.(Lies of Omissions are lies, it's not your job to gestapo people about their STDs.)
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Dec 7, 2015 09:57
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Yeah I'd have to agree that's a pretty big lie by omission, it's an understandable one but still a whopper.
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Dec 7, 2015 09:58
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OwlFancier posted:Yeah I'd have to agree that's a pretty big lie by omission, it's an understandable one but still a whopper. Not to be an rear end in a top hat, but "my dick dispenses death," is not really a super understandable secret to keep.
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Dec 7, 2015 10:12
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HIV isn't a death sentence anymore regardless that is a pretty major breach of trust
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Dec 7, 2015 11:42
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Jedit posted:My definition of "a great one" would not include someone who has sex with multiple partners while knowing he is HIV+ and without telling them. That would be my definition of "a worthless piece of poo poo". Someone who wasn't on antiretrovirals despite knowing he was positive, at that.
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Dec 7, 2015 11:44
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Yeah, just take 5 pills twice a day, deal with the side effects and you'll live a normal lifespan. Or... That would be the case if AIDS was older then like 30 years, and no-one has lived a "Natural" lifespan yet.
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Dec 7, 2015 11:50
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Turtlicious posted:Right but she always makes him wear condoms no matter what, so even if she stopped, he's still protected. Hell she might make him wear condoms because she forgets to take her BC regularly. We don't know really why, I'm not sure what's wrong with just respecting that your gf asks you to wear a rubber, or why we have to grind down her will to have safer (albeit overkill,) sex. Well I always have to wear them because she is convinced she'll get pregnant without them. "Better safe than sorry" on overdrive. And there is nothing technically ~wrong~ with her decision. I just think it's somewhat uninformed and irrational because she is so resistant to even discussing other options. I'd prefer to not have to because it: feels better (for both of us), doesn't interrupt the moment, is one more thing I need to buy and keep around, and if she had an IUD or other highly reliable BC, is completely redundant and not needed. I realize it is her choice about what she is comfortable with, and I respect that, but that doesn't mean I will abandon trying to convince her of something that can make me happier/more content without putting her at any risk. Her squirming uncomfortably while discussing options is not a good enough reason not to communicate my wants.
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Dec 7, 2015 14:08
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It sounds like your wants have been communicated just fine, though, she just disagrees with you.
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Dec 7, 2015 14:33
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i like nice words
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Jedit posted:My definition of "a great one" would not include someone who has sex with multiple partners while knowing he is HIV+ and without telling them. That would be my definition of "a worthless piece of poo poo".
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Dec 7, 2015 21:05
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Let me use a parable, kind of like the Jesus Christ of Cocks, don't worry I'm going somewhere with this. A man and a woman love each other very much, they hang out a lot, and the man wants to be intimate. The woman says no, she doesn't want to be intimate, she's worried about her purity, about getting pregnant, about dick rot, and a few other things. The man continues to try and convince her, and the woman keeps saying no. The man asks every day for a few months, then he asks his friends for ideas to talk to the woman. This went on for... 3 days let's say. The woman was still uncomfortable with the idea, but went through with it, because it made the relentless pestering stop. Was what the man did respectful of her thoughts and feelings?
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Dec 7, 2015 21:10
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Turtlicious posted:Let me use a parable, kind of like the Jesus Christ of Cocks, don't worry I'm going somewhere with this. True. We all gotta conduct our hustles with loyalty and respect.
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Dec 7, 2015 21:49
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Madbullogna posted:His viral load is actually why he's seeing his Dr tomorrow, he hasn't been on meds since his diagnosis a couple of years ago. He told me he didn't see the point in it, and apparently it's been a tough couple of years for him. Thankfully, he has decided he wants to be around for a long time and take care of himself, so his Dr is going to consider whatever AV meds are appropriate for where he's at right now.
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Dec 7, 2015 22:16
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Madbullogna posted:His viral load is actually why he's seeing his Dr tomorrow, he hasn't been on meds since his diagnosis a couple of years ago. He told me he didn't see the point in it, and apparently it's been a tough couple of years for him. Thankfully, he has decided he wants to be around for a long time and take care of himself, so his Dr is going to consider whatever AV meds are appropriate for where he's at right now. Jesus Christ sever. Being HIV+ is not something that a good person lies about, even by omission, to people they're loving. Especially when they're not even being treated to reduce the chances of spreading it. The fact that you've slept with him several times, and know of multiple other partners, and just now found out means that this is not a person you can trust. Period. End of story. If he'll lie about this, what else will he lie about? Get tested, repeatedly and religiously, and run the gently caress away. Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at 22:42 on Dec 7, 2015 |
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Dec 7, 2015 22:39
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yeah Crazyeyes, whether you think she has good reasons or not, she's made her opinion very clear and you should stop bugging her about this, your thoughts on her logic literally do not matter in this situation
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Dec 7, 2015 23:31
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Geoj posted:This would be a decent reason to not want to get on oral contraceptives but with an implant or IUD there isn't going to be any outward evidence she has it, and if she's concerned about her doctor spilling the beans the law is very, very clear regarding doctor/patient confidentiality - her doctor would be risking his/her license to practice medicine by divulging such information to her parents unless she was still a minor. I had an iud put in and about a year later someone called my parents house asking for me, saying they were collecting info from people who may have had complications from the iud. They said this to my dad. It was way weird.
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Dec 7, 2015 23:33
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Everyone ITT needs to sever. I'm sorry, but I made my decision. If you're married, please send your wedding rings to me and I will destroy them for you. Thank you for your cooperation. KillHour fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Dec 7, 2015 |
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Dec 7, 2015 23:34
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bobula posted:I had an iud put in and about a year later someone called my parents house asking for me, saying they were collecting info from people who may have had complications from the iud. They said this to my dad. It was way weird. That seems like it should be actionable under HIPAA. Someone let your medical information out.
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Dec 7, 2015 23:35
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bobula posted:I had an iud put in and about a year later someone called my parents house asking for me, saying they were collecting info from people who may have had complications from the iud. They said this to my dad. It was way weird. Lawyer up, sue for breach of HIPAA, enjoy your free money. Having a "way weird" conversation with your dad sounds like a pretty good trade off!
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Dec 7, 2015 23:37
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Turtlicious posted:
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Dec 7, 2015 23:52
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Yes, it's like a lava lamp.
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KillHour posted:Lawyer up, sue for breach of HIPAA, enjoy your free money. Having a "way weird" conversation with your dad sounds like a pretty good trade off! Unless you signed off saying it's okay to call and talk about it, they're in the poo poo.
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Dec 8, 2015 01:07
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bobula posted:I had an iud put in and about a year later someone called my parents house asking for me, saying they were collecting info from people who may have had complications from the iud. They said this to my dad. It was way weird. Pretty sure that's like... really illegal. Enjoy your free money.
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Dec 8, 2015 03:26
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bobula posted:I had an iud put in and about a year later someone called my parents house asking for me, saying they were collecting info from people who may have had complications from the iud. They said this to my dad. It was way weird. Uhhh, sue those guys.
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Dec 8, 2015 08:24
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Suing everyone at the drop of a hat isn't a good way to manage a society.
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Dec 8, 2015 08:48
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Suing people who release confidential medical information to just anyone is a way to make sure they don't loving do it again, and hence why HIPAA is a thing.
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Dec 8, 2015 09:32
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Ras Het posted:Suing everyone at the drop of a hat isn't a good way to manage a society. Suing people at the drop of patient privacy is!
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Dec 8, 2015 11:58
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I have no idea who they were in the end since he told me later about the call and I denied knowing wtf he was talking about because he's religious and all that poo poo too. So not suing anyone, just wanted to point out that it's not that impossible for your parent to somehow find out about even something like an IUD.
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Dec 8, 2015 12:11
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sever with your dad, sue the company, quit your job, use more lube, and try butt stuff
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Dec 8, 2015 12:34
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Too bad HIPAA has no private cause of action so there's literally no money to be had.
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Dec 8, 2015 14:16
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