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Buschmaki posted:Is this you, SWEATY FATBEARD? http://time.com/4141493/croatia-pants-fell-down/?xid=time_socialflow_facebook I literally rushed here to post this. 
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Dec 10, 2015 16:16
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He caught sight of an unattended empty bottle and was so astonished he forgot to stop using his hand as a belt. I tell ya Fatbeard, you should make some kind of Pilgrimage with a lovely borrowed truck to the UK to fill it with empty bottles. There are thousands! Just lying on the street! A fortune in unclaimed beer, just waiting to be redeemed.
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Dec 10, 2015 17:17
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I'm starting to think that Croatia is a great place to live.
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Dec 10, 2015 18:06
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Boy did I mangle grammar in my previous post (that's why I'm missing the post editing feature in e/n) I took some trams, passed out around midnight, woke up at 3AM covered in drool, shat out a post and passed out again.
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Dec 10, 2015 19:30
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GAY 4 ORGANS
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Whose drool?
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Dec 10, 2015 21:44
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Data Graham posted:Whose drool? I dozed off in a sitting position and ended up drooling into my lap.
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Dec 10, 2015 22:17
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:I dozed off in a sitting position and ended up drooling into my lap. same. Also, what beer did you get?
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Dec 11, 2015 12:12
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Do they have Lagunitas Hop Stoopid in Croatia? If so, can I get a price check, please?
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Dec 11, 2015 17:01
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To be honest if I could trade old cans and bottles for beer I'd probably spend all day doing that too. Maybe invest in a pair of heavy duty gloves and a litter picker.
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Dec 12, 2015 02:02
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Efexeye posted:Do they have Lagunitas Hop Stoopid in Croatia? If so, can I get a price check, please? I doubt they sell Lagunitas in 2-liter plastic bottles.
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Dec 12, 2015 22:13
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Dude, you should find some recycling bins to stake out, and raid them and steal the empties before they get picked up on garbage day. Do they have garbage day in Croatia? Or do you just burn everything in a ditch? That way you could just get a whole bunch at once instead rummaging through loving bus stop garbage cans.
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Dec 12, 2015 23:00
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^^^ he could pretend to be a trash collector from zagrebacki holding council serices
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Dec 13, 2015 23:23
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Buschmaki posted:Is this you, SWEATY FATBEARD? http://time.com/4141493/croatia-pants-fell-down/?xid=time_socialflow_facebook Nah, it ain't me. I could theoretically be Borislav Škegro, the former Croatian minister of finances... who was caught stealing a bottle of grain alcohol on camera: https://youtu.be/Csf1CkIXg5g?t=2m34s In the youtube video our hero says that he didn't steal anything, even though the letterboxed video in the corner of the screen clearly shows that he swiped a bottle of rakija and attempted to hide it under his coat. :iamafag: Millow posted:Dude, you should find some recycling bins to stake out, and raid them and steal the empties before they get picked up on garbage day. Do they have garbage day in Croatia? Or do you just burn everything in a ditch? That way you could just get a whole bunch at once instead rummaging through loving bus stop garbage cans. Yeah, but then I'd be competing with a whole army of bums and gypsies who do exactly the same thing. I'm picking through trash at the bus stop since I'm using the "surprise" tactic; ambushing people for bottles (I sit on a bench and scout out people who are drinking something, then wait for them to throw an empty bottle in the trash and recover it post-haste.) None of my bottles/cans spend more than 10 minutes in the trash. Also, the garbage day is three times a week in my estate. Unfortunately, the dumpsters are kept locked in a dumpster room (which is not unlike a garage) and the other thing is that dumpster diving is called "diving" because you literally have to climb into the dumpster in order to recover anything at all from it. Another thing, clearance sales in the supermarkets are a wonderful thing. The other day I found loaves of bread for $0.30 each, so I traded in my bottles and took two loaves. One loaf was eaten immediately, while the other one was wrapped in a plastic bag and put into the freezer... "just in case"  Susan paid her rent (200 euros) this Saturday, so today I reinvested the money and paid the inheritance tax on the Bruno estate. My aunts were getting incredibly annoying about how I didn't have money for the tax (150 euros); today I finally got them out of my hair. The downside to this is that I'll probably have to make do with fifty euros until January - Waldo's health recovered and he started working again, but most, if not all of his money was used to pay the utilities in his apartment. I'm not counting on him to pay me any rent this month either - maybe I'll get a few bucks - but I sure as hell won't be holding my breath for it. Dad the dad will probably have to bail out my rear end yet again.  Also, today I bought a bike lock so now I can do errands around the town on my bike without having to worry that the bike will go MIA with my back turned. What's not so good is that my ankle is still hurting and I'm trying to rest my legs as much as possible. Maybe I'll ask my doc to have some x-rays taken of my ankle to see what's going on down there - as this has been hurting me for a really long time now and I'm getting kinda worried that I might have broken something for real.
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Dec 14, 2015 17:31
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This thread makes Croatia seem like some sort of cartoon world or something.
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Dec 14, 2015 23:22
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This is the thread of a rich guy who doesn't need to work, choosing to live like a hobo. He has money coming in literally all the time and has no job, 'just' owns 2 apartments. It's sort of annoying but the stories are too good for me to really get mad. Please keep them coming.
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Dec 14, 2015 23:46
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There are different tactical approaches to swiping old cans and bottles from bins.
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Dec 15, 2015 09:49
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Today I told my Croation-American coworker about "the only croation guy I know" collecting trash to trade for 2 liter bottles of beer and she said it was the kind of thing her family over there might do. Apparently they also make their own moonshiney stuff. Croatia is the greatest place to live
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Dec 15, 2015 09:55
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redreader posted:This is the thread of a rich guy who doesn't need to work, choosing to live like a hobo. He has money coming in literally all the time and has no job, 'just' owns 2 apartments. It's sort of annoying but the stories are too good for me to really get mad. Please keep them coming. Lmao Fatbeard is NOT rich. He lives in destitute squalor. He's a cool dude, but "rich"? Lol
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Dec 15, 2015 20:00
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They are the words of somebody who has never visited Croatia, and has no reading comprehension.
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Dec 15, 2015 20:42
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Croation coworker said that the unemployment rate in croatia is like 50% or something insane. ASF apparently there's a lot of work in the summer catering to european tourists on the coats, maybe you should take working holidays in the summer to save up some money.
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Dec 16, 2015 04:38
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The Saurus posted:Today I told my Croation-American coworker about "the only croation guy I know" collecting trash to trade for 2 liter bottles of beer and she said it was the kind of thing her family over there might do. Apparently they also make their own moonshiney stuff. Everyone in the ex-Yugo countries makes their own moonshine. So yes. The Saurus posted:ASF apparently there's a lot of work in the summer catering to european tourists on the coats, maybe you should take working holidays in the summer to save up some money.
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Dec 16, 2015 06:09
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Lead out in cuffs posted:Everyone in the ex-Yugo countries makes their own moonshine. So yes. You left out the cancer and resultant chemo too
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Dec 16, 2015 10:07
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Turns out the Croation unemployment rate is so high because they're unfit for employment
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Dec 16, 2015 23:45
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Buschmaki posted:This thread makes Croatia seem like some sort of cartoon world or something. Croatia is colloquialy known as "absurdistan" so yeah. redreader posted:He has money coming in literally all the time and has no job, 'just' owns 2 apartments. Three.  Captain Yossarian posted:Lmao Fatbeard is NOT rich. He lives in destitute squalor. He's a cool dude, but "rich"? Lol Yeah I'm living on $220 a month. The "squalor" part is debatable, as my apartment is surprisingly neat and in a good shape. Even my white trash inlaws congratulated me for keeping my place clean and orderly. Lead out in cuffs posted:The results of letting him loose on Eurotrash tourists would be hilarious but short-lived. This. I could get a seasonal job at the coast but I'd be fired almost immediately for verbally assaulting an unruly Eurotrash tourist (and then I'd have to panhandle in order to raise money for the bus fare home.) Shithouse Dave posted:You left out the cancer and resultant chemo too Yeah, that set me back for a few years. Later today I'mma get high on trams, go to the hospital and have x-rays taken of my ankle because this poo poo has been going on for a proposterously long time and I fear that I broke something real bad. This sort of injury takes a few weeks to heal but my ankle has been killing me for almost two months now. And now... story time! Back when I worked in the warehouse, one of our elderly janitors (Elvira) was down with untreated schizophrenia. One evening I walked behind her on the way to the bus stop, and I caught her engaging in a rather animated conversation with nobody in particular. At first I thought she was using one of those handsfree cellphones (which was a crazy new thing in those days) but when I came closer, I saw no cellphone or earphones anywhere on her body - she was literally talking to herself and cackling to her own jokes like a madman. It didn't end there, however. Elvira later lured one of my coworkers (Zlatko) in a secluded room, took off all of her clothes, sit on the table naked and invited him over for some sexy time. Zlatko did the only reasonable thing and said "ELVIRA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU." Elvira apparently took a lot of offense to being shot down, so she lunged at Zlatko with a plank and Zlatko did the only reasonable thing he could do, he charged at hapless Elvira and punched her lights out in self-defense. This became a minor legend in the warehouse and after this, everyone stayed the hell away from Elvira because she was batshit insane and you could expect pretty much anything from her. This is just a minor story about the "hopeless" work unit which I was a part of, and I have more stories about these people. Anybody interested (to keep the thread going?)
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Dec 18, 2015 06:26
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And yet you were less qualified to hold a job than those people. That is goddamn impressive I must say.
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Dec 18, 2015 12:13
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:This is just a minor story about the "hopeless" work unit which I was a part of, and I have more stories about these people. Anybody interested (to keep the thread going?) Yes
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Dec 18, 2015 12:40
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Keep posting A SWEATY FATBEARD! I thoroughly enjoy your antics, and having worked at a bunch of warehouses myself they almost make me nostalgic 
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Dec 18, 2015 13:51
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Croatia is a great place to live.
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Dec 18, 2015 14:45
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Lured by the bacchanalian promise of the posts in this thread, delegations of goon emigrants with hope in their hearts will head to Zagreb, never to be heard from again by the civilized world. Finally a GBS fact finding mission will arrive at Fatbeard's abandoned, meticulously kept apartment, only to find a single, enigmatic word engraved crudely on the door: CROATION
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Dec 18, 2015 15:45
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Yeah sorry fat beard I meant no offense I should say "when you had all the roaches, you lived in squalor" . I'm glad your new place is better!
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Dec 18, 2015 19:21
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Ricky Bad Posts posted:Croatia is a great place to live. No it's not.
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Dec 18, 2015 22:41
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This is by far my favorite thread on the forum. I'm rooting for you.
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Dec 18, 2015 23:45
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Wait, you had inlaws? I must have missed this part.
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Dec 19, 2015 10:33
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szary posted:Wait, you had inlaws? I must have missed this part. Correction: they are my cousins that are so distant that they might as well be my inlaws. However, ditto for the white trash aspect of theirs.
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Dec 19, 2015 17:41
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these posts are consistently the best on the forums. cycling around with a broken ankle, presumably high as gently caress, rummaging through bins. Possibly with a steak on hand to ward off any violent dogs. Don't ever change, man
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Dec 21, 2015 11:17
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I already wanted a holiday in Croatia. Now I know that it's a surrealist yet ultimately gentle black comedy, I really want to go.
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Dec 21, 2015 12:19
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I sway back and forth on what the answer to the thread title is. Regardless it's a great place to read about. Do keep posting Fatbeard.
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Dec 22, 2015 01:04
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Yeah this is probably my favourite post and poster on the forums. You do a great job, ASF. Seriously, have you thought about writing a book?
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Dec 22, 2015 04:27
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Filboid Studge posted:I already wanted a holiday in Croatia. Now I know that it's a surrealist yet ultimately gentle black comedy, I really want to go. I've been Croatia on vacation (even stayed in Zagreb for a few days) and I think it's the kind of thing where you need to live there (or visit for a long time, I guess) to really see the side of life the OP is living. Zagreb had a depressing ex-soviet kind of vibe, but as a tourist, I didn't have the opportunity to hang out with any ASF's. So, unless you're the kind of person who randomly hangs out with street people in foreign countries, don't expect much.
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Dec 22, 2015 20:46
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Filboid Studge posted:I already wanted a holiday in Croatia. Now I know that it's a surrealist yet ultimately gentle black comedy, I really want to go. I went to Croatia a couple years ago with my girlfriend. After some days of wandering we found ourselves in Brač, looking for a campground near the famous Golden Horn pebble beach to relax a little. We found this narrow, steeply terraced place with a distinct "improvised" vibe: most of the (unmarked) lots had no power outlets, the showers had lovely plastic curtains instead of doors, the "car parking" was just the side of the internal road, and stray kittens stopped by every night to beg for food. The main building had a patio with tables, chairs, a kitchen and a fire pit that guests (and stray kittens) could freely use to cook and eat meals and socialize, which is something I had never seen before and would have probably been impossible in a larger, better organized place. The large communal table also doubled as the owner's office during the day One morning my girlfriend locks the keys in the car. We try everything we can think of to open the car without breaking a window (the cheap old tricks don't work with newer cars, the doors and windows fit much more tightly than they used to). Finally, we ask the campground owner for help. He says there are no mechanics on the island, but he'll call a friend. Said friend (an older gentleman who must have seen some poo poo) arrives a little later on his scooter, whips out a keyring with dozens of car keys ground into lockpicks and gives it his best, to no effect. Ultimately, after even the time-honored (and AFAIK perfectly useless) tennis ball trick fails, we break a window and a fellow camper takes the keys out of the hole with a magnet on a telescoping rod, but still, I love the idea that a guy knows a guy who has a keyring of car door picks (if you find yourself in the same situation, you can limit the damage by taping over the window before breaking it. Taped over, broken glass is much better than a plastic sheet: friendly to the AC and doesn't beat like a drum at highway speeds) Other highlights of the vacation include:
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