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Spermy Smurf posted:Assail spoilers: All the super cool huge battle and ultra asskickers that you heard about is wrong. Its a bunch of bullshit tribes doing fuckall. Oh, and Rake is alive, and the Crimson Guard and T'lan dust skeleton guys are cousins by way of magic. Also the whole thing about the imass getting their asses kicked by "humans" in Assail gets dicked with too because it turns out the imass are fighting them in the first place because they're all jaghut mixed breeds The whole connection between the Crimson guard and the imass could have been cool if Erickson had started it in any of the previous mentions of the guard but ICE somehow managed to make it feel tacked on out of nowhere and telegraph the poo poo out of it before the "reveal" at the same time. Ugh assail sucked.
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Dec 10, 2015 00:25
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Okay, now someone spoil what he did to K'rul.
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Dec 10, 2015 00:41
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Illinois Smith posted:Okay, now someone spoil what he did to K'rul. Off-hand, Tayschrenn has taken over K'rul's position as being the god of warrens and is now T'Renn. Which does actually make sense given he went for a dip in like God-waters or whatever the Vitr is exactly.
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Dec 10, 2015 00:45
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rejutka posted:Off-hand, Tayschrenn has taken over K'rul's position as being the god of warrens and is now T'Renn. Which does actually make sense given he went for a dip in like God-waters or whatever the Vitr is exactly. hahahaha
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Dec 10, 2015 00:46
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You forgot the part where K'Rul suddenly became a woman. That's the bit I was actually referring to, because it's just put there and there's just no rhyme or reason for it.
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Dec 10, 2015 13:22
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I'd love a summary of the important events of Blood and Bone and Assail. I'd say Orb, Scepter, Throne too, but as far as I can tell nothing happened in it.
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Dec 10, 2015 13:30
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Orb Sceptre Throne People start dungeon-crawling a crashed Moon's Spawn for loot purposes, little realising the place is (obviously) guarded by Bridge Burners. A Tyrant is freed accidentally and takes over Darujhistan, suborning the T'orrud cabal and a force of Seguleh, lead by the Second. Shenanigans ensue, the Tyrant is defeated and Dassem Ultor becomes Seguleh First. Meanwhile, Kiska and Leoman fart about in a warren at the shores of creation and stuff happens, I don't give two shits about Kiska, frankly. Blood and Bone ICE should really write a travelogue or something as he loves the poo poo out of them, based on this book. Also, Jacuruku bears a resemblance to India under the Sultans, et cetera. The Crimson Guard are hired by powerful weird people to boat trip to Jacuruku and go up-river and find the fabled city of Jakal Viharn and gently caress up Skinner, renegade member of the Crimson guard. They embark on a hazy, lurid journey up river and keep standing around like zombies while everything rots and possible weeks go by. Occasionally, they find this weird as all get out and try and fight against it with limited success. They get to their destination, a confab happens with Ardata, her minions and Skinner and his crew. Skinner refuses to rejoin the Guard and spurns Ardata, stating he's keeping his invulnerable armour that he got off her and he's gunning to take over the House of Chains. Ardata takes her armour back by way of turning it into the flesh-eating beetles which eat Skinner. Meanwhile, the Adwami tribes unite under the mysterious foreigner called Warleader and go take on the Thaumaturges, a bunch of flesh-crafting assholes who run their kingdom like a hive and change people to suit the job needed. Warleader knows a shitload about their continent which one prince finds suspicious. Anyway, they fairly war machine their way to the capitol and smash the Thaumaturges, at which point Warleader turns out to be the mythical demon king Kell-Vor (Kallor) who MOO HOO HA HAs about his vengeance on the Thaumaturge assholes. He drops the mic and fucks off. That prince and Kallor's local master sergeant guy go after him in revenge. Meanwhile, on Ardata's side of the continent, a young girl/woman is a witch and links up with her brother to go to a place (Jakal Viharn) and do a thing to prevent the jade spears in the sky from crashing into Jacuruku (again) and killing everybody. At the same time, a big giant punitive army of the Thaumaturges embarks to gently caress up Ardata good and proper and learn that they can't force the jungle to like them or stop killing them or prevent all kinds of madness and infections. Hubris writ large, basically. I really like this bit. Assail There's a gold rush to Assail because apparently there's lots of gold to be had. Kyle joins in, wanting to go home. He is also known as Whiteblade because of his sword. An impromptu fleet coalesces as getting to the destination by ship is dangerous as gently caress owing to old, deadly magics and whatnot. One of the ship owners is a Jaghut woman who talks about returning home. One ship - carrying Fisher Kel Tath - picks up an amnesiac Tiste Andii that a couple of people suspect may be Anomander Rake. Kyle travels overland, he's spotted and the locals keep trying to grab his sword, which occasionally results in hilarious accidental self-dismemberment (his blade is sharp as gently caress). Meanwhile, oop north in the cold, annoyingly Skyrim type stuff happens and a bunch of Icebloods (Anywhere from human with a bit of Jaghut blood to Jhags) have slap fights between their clans and fend off Southerners trespassing on the land for gold/loot purposes. Meanwhile, what's left of the Crimson Guard turn up on Assail because K'azz insists there's something there for them. On the way to Assail there's a funny bit involving Letherii douchenozzles trying to be Letherii douchenozzles to the Guard. K'azz makes a point of not killing them. Directly. Meanwhile, Silverfox and some of her T'lan Imass are trying to catch some other T'lan Imass who keep massacring settlements (Jaghut bloods). Anyway, everyone gets oop North around the same time. Long story short, the Icebloods are basically guarding the mountain peak which has a shitload of Forkrul Assail enjoying sleepytime. They wake up, everyone shits themselves and the Assail ask if the assembled races (T'lan Imass, Imass, Jaghut, Tiste Andii and a fourth whose identity escapes me at this moment) want adjudication or a new covenant. Everyone picks the covenant over being really loving dead. The assembled T'lan Imass greet Clan D'Avore, the Red Clan to the ranks of the T'lan Imass. Jethiss, the amnesiac Andii who everyone thinks is Rake, asks the Assail for a sword good enough to defend his people with. They agree. A few days later he comes back to the others, minus one arm but plus one bone sword. He reveals he remembers who he is and, from what he says, he seems to be Spinnock Durav.
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Dec 10, 2015 18:51
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Somehow your summaries have made the ICE books sound good. Amazing.
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Dec 11, 2015 06:00
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I actually liked all the travelogue parts of blood and bone, they were kind of charming.
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Dec 11, 2015 06:08
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Well, it's summer, I'm unemployed, I've got a bit of free time... gently caress it, I'm gonna try read the Malazan books. I've tried a couple of times before, and have had Gardens of the Moon sitting on my bookshelf for way too long. The prologue is daunting, and I feel like I should be paying attention to the epigraphs. Off to a good start, I think.
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Dec 11, 2015 09:06
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No one blames anyone for skipping Gardens of the Moon and going straight for Deadhouse Gates.
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Dec 11, 2015 09:50
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cptn_dr posted:Well, it's summer, I'm unemployed, I've got a bit of free time... gently caress it, I'm gonna try read the Malazan books. I've tried a couple of times before, and have had Gardens of the Moon sitting on my bookshelf for way too long.
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Dec 11, 2015 11:57
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Illinois Smith posted:Reading the Wiki chapter summaries after I finished them helped me a lot with kepping track of what's going on through the first few books. You could also use the Tor Re-read, but don't go down into the comments section because there are spoilers lurking.
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Dec 11, 2015 12:12
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Those are good too. They're like five times as long though, so when I just wanted a quick reminder of stuff I usually went with the wiki before jumping into the next chapter.
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Dec 11, 2015 12:23
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Aranan posted:You could also use the Tor Re-read, but don't go down into the comments section because there are spoilers lurking. Yeah, I've been doing this for the first two chapters, and I think I'll keep on doing it, they seem pretty good.
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Dec 11, 2015 12:39
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Tommofork posted:No one blames anyone for skipping Gardens of the Moon and going straight for Deadhouse Gates. I know a million people say this, but I personally don't get it. I enjoyed GotM a lot. It's not like DG is a ton more accessible or something. It's likely as confusing a first Malazan book as GotM really. I know if I had read DG first I would have been just as if not more lost than reading GotM first. Plus, Bridgeburners.
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Dec 12, 2015 02:22
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Gardens of the Moon is a good book, it just takes about half of it until there's enough of a sensible plot to hook onto.
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Dec 12, 2015 03:22
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Damo posted:I know a million people say this, but I personally don't get it. I enjoyed GotM a lot. It's not like DG is a ton more accessible or something. It's likely as confusing a first Malazan book as GotM really. I know if I had read DG first I would have been just as if not more lost than reading GotM first. DG is much more like the rest of the series in the events/tone/writing, has a very human plots even as massive eldritch poo poo goes on around it, covers the highs and lows of humanity but basically It's because GotM is meh/ok while DG is stellar. You're going to be lost/confused wherever you start in the series, may as well start with a great book if you're struggling on the ok one.
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Dec 12, 2015 16:23
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Tehol and Bugg own and I wish there were more chapters for them in Midnight Tides, the Tiste Edur poo poo is boring as hell.
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Dec 12, 2015 21:50
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Tommofork posted:No one blames anyone for skipping Gardens of the Moon and going straight for Deadhouse Gates. I do. I blame people for this. And hold it against them.
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Dec 13, 2015 01:59
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Habibi posted:I do. I blame people for this. And hold it against them. Yea but you're the best poster in this thread so you get a pass.
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Dec 13, 2015 02:46
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So just to be sure I've read all this right...Midnight Tides has an undead thief that gets a makeover and then has some sort of symbiotic/parasitic creature stuffed up her vagina that has an insatiable hunger for sperm. She then saves a giant dumb guy with a huge dick from being a sex slave for 3 cruel women by having him satisfy her and her semen devouring parasite instead.
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Dec 13, 2015 04:51
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See, it's things like this make me feel people have taken against ICE a shade unfairly and I like the undead thief that gets a makeover and then has some sort of symbiotic/parasitic creature stuffed up her vagina that has an insatiable hunger for sperm. She then saves a giant dumb guy with a huge dick from being a sex slave for 3 cruel women by having him satisfy her and her semen devouring parasite instead.
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Dec 13, 2015 04:54
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One of my favorite things about this series is how you can take a part of it and explain it to someone and it sounds incredibly stupid out of context. Dinosaurs who drive spaceships! And they have swords for arms! A mysterious dark elf wizard guy! Who turns into a dragon! And has a sword that steals souls!
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Dec 13, 2015 05:03
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"It's a 10 book fantasy series with magic, dragons, and definitely-not-elves. It's also based on some guy's D&D campaign" ...yeah I wouldn't want to read it either if that's how someone described Malazan to me.
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Dec 13, 2015 05:32
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IncendiaC posted:"It's a 10 book fantasy series with magic, dragons, and definitely-not-elves. It's also based on some guy's D&D campaign" I describe it as "Fantasy world created by two anthropologists/archaeologists who were annoyed by fantasy novels not making sense from their point of view. The first book [Gardens of the Moon] is okay, not great but the second one was written ten years after and just read the prologue, it's like thirty pages. After those thirty pages if you feel it's not for you, it's not for you." Around 50/50. frankly.
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Dec 13, 2015 06:16
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rejutka posted:See, it's things like this make me feel people have taken against ICE a shade unfairly and I like the undead thief that gets a makeover and then has some sort of symbiotic/parasitic creature stuffed up her vagina that has an insatiable hunger for sperm. She then saves a giant dumb guy with a huge dick from being a sex slave for 3 cruel women by having him satisfy her and her semen devouring parasite instead. Why are the Edur boring? The whole thing reads like a Shakespeare tragedy - even with the proper ending.
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Dec 13, 2015 10:41
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I don't think the Edur bits are boring. At least not on your second read.
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Dec 13, 2015 11:27
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Aranan posted:One of my favorite things about this series is how you can take a part of it and explain it to someone and it sounds incredibly stupid out of context. To be fair, you could apply the same methodology to any fantasy series and get similar results. Cue why don't the eagles just drop the ring in the volcano in LotR. As for the dark elf wizard, that is basically just a new version Elric, the Eternal Warrior  .
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Dec 13, 2015 11:33
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I still don't get how they're boring, are you idiots just talking about the chunk of the story before Rhulad's rise to power? Because even that has lots of great Trull parts.
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Dec 13, 2015 11:45
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Illinois Smith posted:I still don't get how they're boring, are you idiots just talking about the chunk of the story before Rhulad's rise to power? Because even that has lots of great Trull parts. Exactly, and Trull loving owns 
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Dec 13, 2015 15:35
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IncendiaC posted:"It's a 10 book fantasy series with magic, dragons, and definitely-not-elves. It's also based on some guy's D&D campaign" Aranan posted:One of my favorite things about this series is how you can take a part of it and explain it to someone and it sounds incredibly stupid out of context.
Fenrir fucked around with this message at 15:38 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 15:36
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Fenrir posted:Exactly, and Trull loving owns
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Dec 13, 2015 15:38
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anilEhilated posted:It's got Udinaas and Udinaas loving owns. I was just responding to one of the above posts talking about how Tehol and Bugg break up the boring Edur bits. I agree 100%, Udinaas was always one of my very favorite characters. The best part is how he gets even BETTER after MT. Also, yes, Tehol and Bugg might be the best goddamned thing ever. Not just in this series, but across the hundreds of books I've read, I've never seen anything quite like those two. I don't get how anyone can hate Midnight Tides. It's one of the best in the series, right behind DG, MoI and TCG. e: Now that I think of it, the "best in the series" are literally every book that isn't Gardens of the Moon or Toll The Hounds. Opinions may vary on Dust of Dreams but gently caress you I thought the ribby snake was incredibly written and if you don't like Gesler and Stormy riding K'chain Che'malle into battle there's SOMETHING loving WRONG WITH YOU. Fenrir fucked around with this message at 15:46 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 15:41
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Fenrir posted:Also, yes, Tehol and Bugg might be the best goddamned thing ever. Not just in this series, but across the hundreds of books I've read, I've never seen anything quite like those two.
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Dec 13, 2015 15:56
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Illinois Smith posted:I got strong Discworld vibes whenever they showed up. I've referred to Tehol as Moist in my own inner dialog once or twice.
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Dec 13, 2015 17:01
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Cardiac posted:To be fair, you could apply the same methodology to any fantasy series and get similar results. Moorcock wrote Elric in such a way that he can forever claim credit for all sorts of characters. "Do you use a sword, magic, and are at least sad occasionally? I did it first.". 
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Dec 13, 2015 17:38
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Ynglaur posted:Moorcock wrote Elric in such a way that he can forever claim credit for all sorts of characters. "Do you use a sword, magic, and are at least sad occasionally? I did it first.". In some ways the Malazan series feels like an amalgam between Cooks Black Company and Moorcocks Elric of Melnibone series. Pretty great imo.
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Dec 13, 2015 20:58
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Illinois Smith posted:I got strong Discworld vibes whenever they showed up. I really need to read more discworld.
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Dec 13, 2015 22:22
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loving gently caress I had actually forgotten about Pratchett's death, I just did a "hey, has he published anything new lately?" search and now I'm bummed out all over again.  Can't believe I'm about to read my last Discworld book, I wasn't as into the Everything Is Either A Tiffany Aching, City Watch Or Moist Story era as the first 25 or so but the guy's writing was just a constant thing in my life for the last 20 years. Illinois Smith fucked around with this message at 23:10 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 23:03
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