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Jose Oquendo posted:so is Kylo Han's kid or what? Yep.
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Dec 16, 2015 14:47
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Gonz posted:Yep. He's called Ben Solo.
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Dec 16, 2015 14:48
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Had I been the screenwriter on The Force Awakens, there's honestly not much I would have changed about the script. Perhaps a planet-sized weapon that can blow planets up from light years away is too ridiculous and overpowered even by Star Wars standards - I would have tweaked that.
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Dec 16, 2015 15:09
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I just want to know why Han and Leia have such a lovely kid and why Han is a bad dad who isn't around.
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Dec 16, 2015 15:14
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SaltLick posted:I just want to know why Han and Leia have such a lovely kid and why Han is a bad dad who isn't around. A key component of Star Wars is the absent father, with the Force acting as the name of the father.
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Dec 16, 2015 15:27
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Scale.
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Dec 16, 2015 15:29
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SaltLick posted:I just want to know why Han and Leia have such a lovely kid and why Han is a bad dad who isn't around. What from the original trilogy would make you think Han 'literal scoundrel smuggler straight up murders motherfuckers' Solo would make a good dad
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Dec 16, 2015 15:47
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Han is a good dad to his adopted son Chewbacca
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Dec 16, 2015 15:52
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SaltLick posted:I just want to know why Han and Leia have such a lovely kid and why Han is a bad dad who isn't around. They split up after Kylo went Dark Side. He went back to freighter captain, Leia heads up a Rebellion force in the First Order (kinda like the covert Russian support for East-Ukrainian rebels, only for good guys). Luke blames himself since Kylo was his Padawan and he gave up training new Jedi (as far as we know).
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Dec 16, 2015 16:04
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Decius posted:He's called Ben Solo. Kylo Ben edit: Ben Ren
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Dec 16, 2015 16:31
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I'm so sorry but I had to.
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Dec 16, 2015 16:36
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so Rey isn't Leia and Han's kid? Where did she get her force genetics from then? also I thought for sure Finn was going to get killed by Kylo but I guess my theory was wrong. He just gets badly injured (but no loss of limb)? seeing it tomo night and still excited  spoilers don't really bother me about this kind of movie
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Dec 16, 2015 16:51
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thathonkey posted:so Rey isn't Leia and Han's kid? Where did she get her force genetics from then? I strongly suspect she is somehow a Skywalker. I mentioned it earlier, but Kathleen Kennedy said that the main SW movies (episodes 7-9) will be about the Skywalker family. For that to be true, Rey, who is the lead character, would have to be one.
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Dec 16, 2015 16:53
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Jose Oquendo posted:I'm so sorry but I had to. Nice.
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Dec 16, 2015 16:56
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The movie heavily implies she's part of the family but lord knows how or what. Personally I'm betting on Han and Leia's youngest based on hints and some wishful thinking because some invisible lady Luke had a kid with off-screen is kind of lame. Also makes the Kylo-Rey dynamic pretty interesting (you gotta kill your sibling yo!!) and keeps the whole brother and sister thing from the OT going.
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Dec 16, 2015 16:58
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It would be nice if there really was no redemption for Kylo Ren by the end of the trilogy and Rey/Luke has to kill him, because I sure as poo poo don't want to watch a complete rehash of the OT plot, but whatever sells the most movie tickets/merch, I guess.
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Dec 16, 2015 16:59
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Could be neat if they go the Last Airbender route and have Kylo join the good dudes earlier in the story, rather than a last minute redemption.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:02
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Or that would be equally as good, I think. Would be kind of nice to have the Palpatine substitute take a far more active role in the fight than his predecessor.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:07
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so far everything sounds pretty decent. the only badish review so far is from salon, but the dude just doesnt like abrams and is pissed that the movie plays it safe. so gently caress him.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:16
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Abner Assington posted:It would be nice if there really was no redemption for Kylo Ren by the end of the trilogy and Rey/Luke has to kill him, because I sure as poo poo don't want to watch a complete rehash of the OT plot, but whatever sells the most movie tickets/merch, I guess.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:18
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I saw it. It's not good. This movie has no soul. There is truly not one new, original, or interesting thing in the 2 hour runtime. It's a big-budget Vimeo fan-film. Ford's okay in places, but looks ridiculous as gently caress when they force him to say words like "Snoke." Fisher may be more checked-out than Jedi. The new mumblecore Darth Vader kills Han Solo, but not before taking off his mask and crying. It's. loving. Wack. This is the Star Wars movie for people who thought Star Wars is for nerds two years ago. the 2016 lover fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Dec 16, 2015 |
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Dec 16, 2015 17:19
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I am having a doozy of a time picturing what "badly injured but still alive after losing a lightsaber duel" looks like without limb loss.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:33
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Jose Oquendo posted:I'm so sorry but I had to.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:35
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I wouldn't do it.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:36
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Probably should read the OP before you do.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:36
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I think the other thread has like a month moratorium on spoilers or something.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:38
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Terrorist Fistbump posted:Probably should read the OP before you do.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:40
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Jonas Albrecht posted:I am having a doozy of a time picturing what "badly injured but still alive after losing a lightsaber duel" looks like without limb loss. maybe a few impales and some slashes. honestly kinda ok that he didnt die.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:40
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Jose Oquendo posted:I think the other thread has like a month moratorium on spoilers or something. Only untagged ones, but yeah. That picture without any spoiler tags will probably get you probated for like a month.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:41
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Jonas Albrecht posted:I am having a doozy of a time picturing what "badly injured but still alive after losing a lightsaber duel" looks like without limb loss. There's a bad picture of it floating around if you're that interested.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:41
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Gotta say, Snoke is a really bad name for a villain. Sounds like a nickname for an incompetent small-time pusher.
PiedPiper fucked around with this message at 17:57 on Dec 16, 2015 |
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Dec 16, 2015 17:47
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Snoke is just two letters away from Snookie.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:49
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PiedPiper posted:Gotta say, Snoke is a really bad name for a villain. Sounds like a nickname for an imcompetent small-time pusher. true. but star wars has never had great names apart from the main characters.
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Dec 16, 2015 17:49
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I think Palpatine is an impressive sounding name for an evil leader, only slightly damaged by a title like "Darth Sideous" and only nearly completely ruined by the EU expansion of first name "Sheev".
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Dec 16, 2015 17:58
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Cheesus posted:"Sheev". Again, small-time pusher. I guess everything checks out, then.
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Dec 16, 2015 18:04
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Dapper_Swindler posted:maybe a few impales and some slashes. honestly kinda ok that he didnt die. Same.
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Dec 16, 2015 18:21
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Young JJ plays it safe. Apart from Han's death which you can see coming a good 10 mins out, there never seems to be danger, and the plot turns the stupid-coincidence dial up to 11 and then snaps it off. I was reminded of that episode of Red Dwarf where Lister overdoses on the Luck Virus and just solves everything with no effort. The script has no sense of geography, scale or peril and gives too many characters plot armor when a few well timed deaths would have upped the emotional stakes massivly. What if Fin had to look at the body of a Rebel Pilot who died helping him escape ? What if Hans goggle wearing friend died trying to hide him ? Can you describe a single unique feature about any of the X-Wing pilots you see dying ? No attempt was made to tie the scenes together apart from using coincidences to drive the plot forward. Lets Review You and the hotshot pilot are in a tie fighter crash and you never see the other guys body ? Bet you will be surprised when he comes back in an X-Wing in 30 minutes. We escaped and crashed on the planet ? Luckily we were just outside the town where the droid everyone is looking for is not even hiding. Tie fighters attack you on the ground ? Never mind, run around and look we are on the Millennium Falcon which is broken but not so broken we can't fix it in 30 seconds and take off and shoot the only two tie fighters chasing us after an extended sequence the suggests the Star Destroyers have more empty space in them then a honeycomb. We take off and the multiple waves of tie fighters and the star destroyer don't notice us, but Han and Chewie see us and catch us. But Han is in trouble except the two groups chasing him turn up at either end of a long corridor where both groups are standing in front of doors that lead to big tentacle monsters that eat them when two buttons are pushed. They almost eat stormtrooper boy except instead they no longer eat people instead theygrab hold of him and drag through the ship before he is save by a cleverly timed door shutting. We fly to see an old friend of Hans, oh look she has Luke's lightsabre in a box in the basement. And lightsabre now call out to people and send them visions. This planet is also in the same star system as the Rebel Senate and the Starkiller weapon, or else someone on the writing team really doesn't know how big space is. Tie fighters turn up and blow up the Cantina 2.0 killing everyone but the main characters crawl out of the rubble like Jake and Elwood Blues after they met Carrie Fisher. Well we captured the rebels, oh wait look X-Wings lets all shoot at them so our prisoners run away when our backs are turned. X-Wings and tie fighters jump around in a sequence directed by someone who hated the long, lingering shots from the Bourne Identity and resolved to cut the action scenes faster. Han and Leia's son captures Padme 2.0, but she escapes because she has force persuasion powers better than Ben Kenobi with no training, and the guy with enough force in him to stop a blaster bolt in mid flight can't sense her. Stormtrooper Garbage Disposal Technician fourth class knows the design specs even down to where the weak point is on the new Deathstar 3.0, and they lightspeed jump there landing within walking distance as to where they needed to go. Which is also where Padme 2.0 and Vader 2.0 are, and although none of the stormtroopers looking for her think to look out a window our three heroes spot her and rescue her easily. Oops, we haven't shown how tough Vader 2.0 is, we better have him off an original character to show how great the stakes are, but we forget that without the costume he is just a pimply teenager with bad hair. Oh well at least that reduces the payroll for the next episode. Padme 2.0 takes up the lightsabre she has never used and beats Vader 2.0, but the planet is falling apart around them so they are separated by a brand new lava canyon just before she kills him, lucky that otherwise we would need a new villain for him next episode. She is trapped on an exploding planet never mind the Millennium Falcon is behind her and Chewie parks it,which stops the planet exploding so he can run out to help them get on board the ship, after which the planet continues exploding At last Artoo wakes up for no reason at all, and he has 90% of the map apart from a missing piece that matches no known stars and yet seems to be in the middle of the galaxy that everyone has already mapped. Yay, the mystery of the ages is solved lets go meet Luke. Oh hang on, lets send Padme 2.0, Chewie and the Falcon and NOONE ELSE NOT EVEN HIS drat SISTER THAT HASN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS, oh good here is a planet lets land on a random island and walk up stairs, hey it's Luke and we stare at each other until the music gets too loud and Luke can no longer disguise he really needs to go to the bathroom. Smash cut to credits. Its 4am and I'm phone posting this rather than sleeping. My first cinema memory is watching the Star Destroyer fly over my head in 1977, but this film completely failed to hit any nostalgia at all, instead it, well, was boring me in the last 20 minutes.Visually impressive but just a nonsense plot does not an iconic movie make. At least The Beastie Boys were not on the soundtrack. evilbastard fucked around with this message at 18:32 on Dec 16, 2015 |
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Dec 16, 2015 18:26
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Talking about how conveniently placed things are in an expansive galaxy ignores the entirety of Star Wars to this point.
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Dec 16, 2015 18:35
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All those spoilers sound like every Star Wars movie, ever
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Dec 16, 2015 18:39
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Pimply teenager is 32.
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Dec 16, 2015 18:44
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