Postal Parcel posted:

Sorry for this, one more from NAF(friendly) because it's so bonkers

EmmyOk posted:

A valiant attempt to be the most retarded person in this thread.

Khazar-khum posted:

Thinking the son wanted to bang her was the best part last time this showed up.

Watch these girls teleport in Not Always Learning:

Postal Parcel posted:

quote:

You Are Sew Lying 
Fabric Store | Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Technology 
...
(I’d been working at this store for a while and knew all the policies; there was no fooling me.) 

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Khazar-khum posted:

Watch these girls teleport in Not Always Learning:

One Very Hairy Omelette
HIGH SCHOOL | USA | EXTRA STUPID, FOOD & DRINK, STUDENTS
(My science teacher is kind of a weird prankster who loves to pick on a group of ditzy blondes who sits in the back.)

Ditz: “Sir? Can I ask a question?”

Teacher: “Sure.”

Ditz: “Is it true that if you wash your hair with egg white it makes your hair stronger?”

Teacher: “Yes.”

Ditzy Group: *furiously taking notes*

(The bell rings and that class slowly files out. The ditzy group is one of the first to leave, since their desks are right next to the door.)

Teacher: “Oh darn, I should’ve told them to use cold water, not hot.”

(Sure enough, the next day, the group looked all miserable and their hair messed up! The rest of the class laughed and laughed!)

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

At least with NAR you don't get people helpfully pointing out the punchline and/or expressing how hilarious they found it

Big Grunty Secret posted:

And those girls, having been immediately dismissed as "ditzy" and made the butt of a practical joke for asking a science-related question, never considered entering a STEM field again.

Drunk Tomato posted:

Wow what a funny joke, love that fake generic "Asian" accent, so topical and true and witty

Shayu posted:

But words don't have accent?

MonoAus posted:

Why does a 'hairy omelette' sound like a euphemism for something.

Lady Naga posted:

Don't be dense.

Shayu posted:

But words don't have accent?

Lady Naga posted:

Don't be dense.

quote:

share if this bothers you as much as it did me........
Okemos, Michigan

No better way to make my blood boil! So for the past however long I can remember there has been a older gentleman by the name of Val who is a greeter at Walmart. This man is a Veteran and very proud to be. You don't need to know him or even speak to him, although I thank him for his service every time I see him, because he illustrates his pride through the highly decorated Veteran baseball cap he wears......or....used to wear. One day I as I walked in I noticed a bright blue Walmart hat on his head with all the military pins that once adorned his wore out faded military cap and I asked him about it. We both had tears in our eyes as I wished him a blessed day and shook his hand before I left. His reply was simple and full of hurt, "corporate will not allow me to wear that hat anymore while on the clock, because it goes against the dress code". I was so furious that I demanded to talk to a manager that day and I'm sure she will never forget my face or the angry words that I shared with her. Since then I try not to ever shop at Walmart unless there is no other choice. Today was one of them days that I needed something and stopped into the Okemos Walmart. As I'm standing in line to pay this woman in her Walmart vest steps into line behind me and immediately I was outraged! So one of our own who signed his life away to protect our freedoms and homeland cannot wear his simple old hat but this woman can wear a headscarf proclaiming her love of the Muslim culture and her dedication to Allah!?
Kiss my rear end Walmart!!!!

quote:

Yes, you could slog through news sites looking for another source to corroborate this amazing story. But by then, one of your friends will probably have already posted this to Facebook, and he will be the one swimming in likes and comments instead of you. You can be the person who is always the first to share amazing stories like this one with your friends, or you can be the person who bumbles around the internet, looking to see if things are true or not.

Your call.

OctoberBlues posted:

"Today was one of them days"

OctoberBlues posted:

"Today was one of them days"

davidspackage posted:

I like how they pretend how it's a story about a veteran but really it's about how dare this muslim scum show her muslimity.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

This made me think of you guys, can I post a clickhole link? Is it going to start an annoyed derail like whenever somebody posts a cracked link?

http://www.clickhole.com/article/you-can-either-verify-whether-inspirational-story--1529

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Aw, thank you so much!

Samizdata posted:

Tosses a handful of prime seed mix your direction.

quote:

Not All Visitors Stink
Zoo | Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Top, Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I work at the snack shack at my local zoo one summer. We have a huge group of middle-school aged kids in the park, and their supervisor has all 75+ of them come to the shack at once for lunch. I have been serving for about forty-five minutes when this happens.)

Kid #1: “Can I get a water and a hot dog for five dollars?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I ring him up, take his money, and give him the water. I’ve turned around to get the hotdog and am just coming back when I hear a shriek.)

Me: “What happened?”

Kid #1: “I don’t know.” *grabs hot dog and walks off*

(I try to calm the kids down, and just when they’re in a line again, I smell an powerful odor; it’s obviously what caused the shriek.)

Me: “Someone set off a stink bomb. One second…”

(I radio the front so they know, but there are other groups in the park and it’s not an immediate danger, so it’s still just me.)

Kid #2: “Yeah. I want to know who it is so we can get them later.”

Me: “Here’s your order. So, someone decided to set off a stink bomb right where you all are getting and eating food?”

Kid #3: “Pretty much. I want a cheeseburger and a soda.”

Me: *still serving* “…In a place full of animals with a great sense of smell, like the bears and mandrills behind me?”

Kid #4: “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out and beat them up for you!”

Me: “Oh, that’s sweet.”

(I keep serving for about another ten minutes when I again hear a shriek; this time, it turns into hysterical screaming. I look and see that one of the parrots has been spooked off his perch, and, for some reason, several kids are screaming since he’s on the ground near them. I grab the radio and tell the keepers, but put up my “Back in Five Minutes” to calm the screaming kids down..)

Me: *to the screaming kids* “It’s okay. Just back away from the macaw, kids. He’ll be fine; you’ll be fine. Just back up.”

(The kids do so, and a keeper prepping for the wolf show runs over to put the bird back.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Keeper: “No problem. Hang in there…”

(The keeper has just left when I hear yet another kid yell.)

Another Kid: “Leave him alone!”

(I turn to see some kids spooking our white peacock; this other kid, a girl, is trying to protect it.)

Me: “Oh for the love of… that is the head keeper’s personal favorite animal! Desist!”

(The kids break up, apparently snickering at my use of the word ‘desist’. I get back into the shack.)

Kid #6: “Yay, you’re back. Um, a hot pretzel and soda.”

(After I serve him, I see Kids #2 and #3; they’ve come back with a large group. To my surprise, the kids proceed to empty all the change I’ve given them into the donation jar.)

Kid #2: “Sorry it’s been so crazy. I swear we’re not all that bad!”

quote:

R-Word Is R-Rated
Retail | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Bad Behavior

(My coworker also happens to be my very best friend. He is severely disfigured, but sweet and very talented at carving. However, because of his appearance, our manager keeps him working in the back room most of the time. One day our manager is out sick and has left me in charge. My best friend comes out of the back room to bring me some inventory. A customer sees him.)

Customer: “Oh, dear!” *to me* “Bless you, dear.”

Me: “Um, thank you?”

Customer: “For hiring someone like that poor boy!”

(She is speaking as though my friend isn’t standing right beside me. He looks hurt, and I try to hurry the customer along.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Customer: “People like you really are a blessing, dear. Even the retarded need jobs in this country. I would never employ one, but I certainly respect those who do.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, could you please not say that word?”

Customer: “What, retarded? But it’s what he is.”

Me: “No, he isn’t. I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please.”

Customer: “But look at him! He’s obviously retarded, dear. You don’t have to lie. He can’t understand you.”

(At this point, I am very angry and my friend looks near tears.)

Me: “Ma’am, he is not mentally impaired, and he understands every word that we’re exchanging. It’s not difficult to grasp that you’re an enormous bigot, either. Please leave the store.”

(The customer starts to leave in a huff, but pauses to admire some hand-carved birds at the front of the store.)

Me: “By the way, he made those.”

(The customer glares at me and storms out.)

quote:

Making False Bald Statements
Zoo | KS, USA | School, Pets & Animals

(I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

Thesaurus posted:

I'm glad "sir" and "ma'am" are still in currency among today's service industry youth!

Thesaurus posted:

I'm glad "sir" and "ma'am" are still in currency among today's service industry youth!