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Kitiara
Apr 21, 2009

Sockmuppet posted:

While we're on the topic of kids and sleep, does anyone have any idea how to turn off a 2.5-year old at the end of the day? She's tired, but she struggles to relax her mind and body to the point where she'll actually fall asleep - when we're reading good night-stories she literally spins around in bed, doing gymnastics, she talks constantly, starts singing and generally bounces off the walls. Getting her to go to sleep takes forever, and involves us during the entire process, because if we're not either singing or cuddling or both, she ramps up from however relaxed and sleepy she's become, and starts bouncing around and screaming again.

I recognise the restlessness from myself - I'm extremely fidgety, and I have trouble falling asleep at night if I don't listen to a podcast or an audiobook, simply because if I don't give it something to focus on, my mind thinks about anything and everything and starts stressing out about stuff. But I'm an adult, so I know how to deal with it, she doesn't, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to help her.

Practical things we do are no screen time for an hour or so before bed, and a warm bath.

My daughter used to do that a lot, and she still does when her dad is putting her to bed. It's "worse" when he does it actually, because he makes the story crazy and fun and it stirs her up. This is what worked for me: I started telling her of the bedtime ritual an hr or so before it, and after the bath I would explain that it was night time and she had to go to sleep. But if she would lay still and be quiet (so that she could hear me), I would read her any story that she liked. I then read the story in a "awed/wonder" tone but very soft.

If in the middle of the story she starts bouncing around, I turn off the light and leave the room. YMMV, but this always led to her promising she would be still and me going back to read her a story. The first couple of times, she would get out of bed and/or turn on the light the moment I left. So I tucked her in bed, repeated that it was night time, turned off the light and asked if she wanted a story. Then that would lead to her saying yes and actually laying still.

I do let her participate on the story ("yes, he does have 10 legs!"), but if she starts interrupting a lot, then I will softly remind her that we need to be quiet during story time. She's asleep by the time I'm finished about 95% of the time, and I am left feeling like a superwoman.

Sometimes she reads to me first, and sometimes she will get a fun story and then the sleepy story, but most of the time she's happy to lay still. I do try to make her as comfortable as possible, so on the times that she asks for a bottle I will give her one, and she's allowed to grab my ear (long story), but yeah :).

This obviously doesn't work with the 1.5 year old, and I have no idea what I will do until it does. The little girl is the worst sleeper in the world. "You must cuddle me mom, as close as possible, while I pinch your boobs, bite you, slam my head and body onto different parts of your body and then cry/complain because that means that now my body is not as close to yours as possible!".

TLDR: I second the advise of getting her to lay still. I think once she calms down and relaxes, she'll be able to feel how tired she is and let herself sleep.

Kitiara fucked around with this message at 06:22 on Dec 18, 2015

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Tom Swift Jr.
Nov 4, 2008

Kitiara posted:

This obviously doesn't work with the 1.5 year old, and I have no idea what I will do until it does. The little girl is the worst sleeper in the world. "You must cuddle me mom, as close as possible, while I pinch your boobs, bite you, slam my head and body onto different parts of your body and then cry/complain because that means that now my body is not as close to yours as possible!".


Boy does that sound like my 1.5 year old! I do things a little differently. We always read the same book "Time for Bed" by Mem Fox. It has a nice soothing rhythm. And we always sing the same song "Rainbow Connection." When I'm reading the book and singing the song I sit by his bed. During this time he is allowed to snuggle or to wander his room and play. I used to try to insist that he sit, but I found that if I didn't fight it he would play a little and then he'd be settled by the end of the song. He usually plays with something quiet, so if there are loud toys you might have to limit to a selection of nighttime toys or something like that. After his song we always do big hugs and big kisses. He usually is on my lap by the end of the song, but if he isn't then I just go and pick him up for big hugs saying "it's time for big hugs and big kisses." Then he gets tucked in and we always say the same words. These work as an additional sleep cue. I say, "It's time for bed little bear (one of his nicknames), little bear, close your eyes, no more more cares." After that, we leave. We do 10 minute wait and checks if needed. He goes through phases of going right to sleep on his own for a few weeks, to crying and needing us to come back for a wait and check. We just put him back in bed and leave and he is usually fine. He did have a really rough few weeks because his daddy was sick and so his world was confusing and he was wanting someone to sit in his room, so we did and once things were back to normal we went right back to the normal routine. Usually if he is having trouble at night it is because something is off during the day. On days I tutor late and he goes to bed before I get home or right as I get home, he always has trouble. Anyway, I guess my point is that some kids really need to play it out or fiddle a little in order to settle down, so it might be better to continue the routine but let them do their thing as you go. Every kid is different so you just have to make the choice you think will work and then stick with it for a few weeks to give it a chance to work and if it doesn't try plan b. The key is sticking with it for several weeks. Our kid took 2 weeks of wait and checks to finally get the picture (most kids only take 3 days). He's a stubborn guy!

Groke
Jul 27, 2007
New Adventures In Mom Strength
Man, each of our boys has gone through a lengthy phase where they are unable to go to sleep unless snuggled up to a large warm adult. Well, youngest is still in that phase, he turns two in January. Both of the others outgrew it some time between age two and age two and a half, so I'm betting youngest will as well.

The only practical method we've found to cope with this is to go with the flow; bed down next to him, take a nap and set an alarm for an hour or so into the future. (There have been occasions when the alarm has failed and I've gotten nine or ten hours of sleep instead.)

Bollock Monkey
Jan 21, 2007

The Almighty

Sockmuppet posted:

While we're on the topic of kids and sleep, does anyone have any idea how to turn off a 2.5-year old at the end of the day? She's tired, but she struggles to relax her mind and body to the point where she'll actually fall asleep - when we're reading good night-stories she literally spins around in bed, doing gymnastics, she talks constantly, starts singing and generally bounces off the walls. Getting her to go to sleep takes forever, and involves us during the entire process, because if we're not either singing or cuddling or both, she ramps up from however relaxed and sleepy she's become, and starts bouncing around and screaming again.

I recognise the restlessness from myself - I'm extremely fidgety, and I have trouble falling asleep at night if I don't listen to a podcast or an audiobook, simply because if I don't give it something to focus on, my mind thinks about anything and everything and starts stressing out about stuff. But I'm an adult, so I know how to deal with it, she doesn't, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to help her.

Practical things we do are no screen time for an hour or so before bed, and a warm bath.

When I was a kid I always, always had a story tape on at bedtime. Just William was my favourite, but I had a bunch. If podcasts and audiobooks help you sleep, why not try something similar with her?

KingColliwog
May 15, 2003

Let's go droogs
Slightly worried here. Our son is going to turn 3 months in about 10 days. He's healthy, gained weight appropriately and the ped didn't have anything to say last time we went.

What worries me is that he has a pretty weak neck. We try to put him on his stomach often, but he just does not care. He'll just stand there with his face to one side and will only rarely actively try to look around and lift his neck. When he does he can lift his head, but he's nowhere near holding it there and using his arms to push himself to look forward. I've read a bunch of things, but aside from "more tummy time" I don't know what to do. I try to put him on his tummy as often as possible when I'm there and my girlfriend tries too when I'm at work, but he does not care. I think it's slightly better when he has a rolled up towel under him or something but still he mostly does not care.

Also, he sleeps very little during the day. He's good at night and will always fall asleep somewhere between 6 and 8 when he breastfeeds. Then he'll sleep for 5 hours or so, then he'll do a few 2-3 hours stretch until 6 to 8 AM. He'll pretty much never fall asleep while feeding during the day and the only way we can make him sleep is put him in his car seat and go for a ride or put him in a baby carrier. Even when we do this he won't always go to sleep. He usually takes 1 less than 1 hour nap during the day. If I'm not at work he might take 2 since I can put him in the baby carrier. He's been slightly better the last few days, but he sleeps nowhere the 15 hours or so we've read he's supposed to. Never did since he was born. We've been trying to put him to sleep at the first sign of tiredness, but it just makes him cry like crazy until we pick him up.

Tom Swift Jr.
Nov 4, 2008

KingColliwog posted:

Slightly worried here. Our son is going to turn 3 months in about 10 days. He's healthy, gained weight appropriately and the ped didn't have anything to say last time we went.

What worries me is that he has a pretty weak neck. We try to put him on his stomach often, but he just does not care. He'll just stand there with his face to one side and will only rarely actively try to look around and lift his neck. When he does he can lift his head, but he's nowhere near holding it there and using his arms to push himself to look forward. I've read a bunch of things, but aside from "more tummy time" I don't know what to do. I try to put him on his tummy as often as possible when I'm there and my girlfriend tries too when I'm at work, but he does not care. I think it's slightly better when he has a rolled up towel under him or something but still he mostly does not care.

Also, he sleeps very little during the day. He's good at night and will always fall asleep somewhere between 6 and 8 when he breastfeeds. Then he'll sleep for 5 hours or so, then he'll do a few 2-3 hours stretch until 6 to 8 AM. He'll pretty much never fall asleep while feeding during the day and the only way we can make him sleep is put him in his car seat and go for a ride or put him in a baby carrier. Even when we do this he won't always go to sleep. He usually takes 1 less than 1 hour nap during the day. If I'm not at work he might take 2 since I can put him in the baby carrier. He's been slightly better the last few days, but he sleeps nowhere the 15 hours or so we've read he's supposed to. Never did since he was born. We've been trying to put him to sleep at the first sign of tiredness, but it just makes him cry like crazy until we pick him up.

Some kids take more time to develop. Keep trying with the tummy time and just make sure to bring up your concerns at your next doctor appointment. I highly suggest getting an exercise ball and reading this post by Mama OT http://mamaot.com/use-therapy-ball-make-tummy-time-easier-fun-baby/ Our kiddo wasn't a fan of tummy time but loved exercise ball time and he developed really strong muscles as a result. Mama OT is an actual occupational therapist, her website is a great resource. Here's another post she did on making tummy time better http://mamaot.com/tips-for-making-tummy-time-a-little-less-um-miserable/ One thing to consider is what you put around him. A mirror at floor level can be really enticing for a baby, as well as a play table on its side. You want to put interesting things close to encourage him to explore.

I can't say much on the sleep other than some kids do not follow the norm at all. As long as your baby seems happy and healthy, I wouldn't worry about the sleep too much, but again, bring it up at your next doctor appointment. Since he will sleep in the car is there anything you can do to mimic that? While I'm not the biggest fan of letting kids sleep in equipment, a vibrating chair might be helpful. Also, if you aren't using white noise that might help too.

foxatee
Feb 27, 2010

That foxatee is always making a Piggles out of herself.
Did anyone else's 4 year old suddenly "forget" their manners? I don't know what's up with my kid lately, but she no longer bothers with "please" or "thank you." It's just, "Mom, I want something to drink" (as an example). I'll tell her to ask nicely, and sometimes she'll comply. I'll get her a glass of water, then she complains there's no ice. I'll explain that she needs to be specific, and if she wants ice, she should mention it next time. "Now let's try again," I'll prompt.
"But I forgot how to ask nicely."
"No, you didn't. You just did it a minute ago."
"But I just can't!"
"Then I can't get you any water."
"But I want it!"
"Then ask nicely."
"But, but I don't want to!"
"Okay, then no water."
Cue meltdown.

What the hell? That's just tonight's exchange. That's not even the rest of the month. Is she just going through a phase, or did I do something wrong? This kid is starting to get on my last nerve.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I call it "Photographing a toddler for Christmas Pictures: Series 1"

edit: Not certain why imgur screwed up the colors so bad.

sudont
May 10, 2011
this program is useful for when you don't want to do something.

Fun Shoe
Sigh. If we're doing photo fails... here's our picture with Santa this year! This was the best one we got. He wasn't scared, just having a tantrum. Santa is actually a man my parents taught with for 20 years whose real last name is Snow.

Oodles
Oct 31, 2005

foxatee posted:

Did anyone else's 4 year old suddenly "forget" their manners? I don't know what's up with my kid lately, but she no longer bothers with "please" or "thank you." It's just, "Mom, I want something to drink" (as an example). I'll tell her to ask nicely, and sometimes she'll comply. I'll get her a glass of water, then she complains there's no ice. I'll explain that she needs to be specific, and if she wants ice, she should mention it next time. "Now let's try again," I'll prompt.
"But I forgot how to ask nicely."
"No, you didn't. You just did it a minute ago."
"But I just can't!"
"Then I can't get you any water."
"But I want it!"
"Then ask nicely."
"But, but I don't want to!"
"Okay, then no water."
Cue meltdown.

What the hell? That's just tonight's exchange. That's not even the rest of the month. Is she just going through a phase, or did I do something wrong? This kid is starting to get on my last nerve.

I think we're going through something similar, not just manners but asking her to do anything in general.

Ours is 3 and she just doesn't want to do what we ask. We get to the end of he day and it's back to what we said when she was a baby "Tomorrow's another day" and you just discount the crap day you just had ready to try again.

My question is, our 3 year old is in a big girls bed with a bar on the side to stop her falling out. When she was in a cot it was fine, if she woke up she'd go back to sleep. Now we find if she wakes up during the night she'll get out of bed and run around her room waking us up. I'm not going back to interrupted sleep. Two nights ago she was doing it every couple of hours.

Axiem
Oct 19, 2005

I want to leave my mind blank, but I'm terrified of what will happen if I do

Bollock Monkey posted:

When I was a kid I always, always had a story tape on at bedtime. Just William was my favourite, but I had a bunch. If podcasts and audiobooks help you sleep, why not try something similar with her?

The one that we're having a good amount of success for with our 3-year-old daughter is called Self-Image For Children. I and my sister actually used to listen to it when we were really young, and the tape and tape player somehow survived the interim. We still use the old tape with my daughter, but we picked up the mp3s for when we are on the road, or if we need to burn a CD (also, because with the amount of usage we've gotten, it feels appropriate to purchase it a second time).

It's a bit of hippy-dippy stuff, with some talk about "positive energy" and things like that. But it's first a bit of "relax your body", then "let's talk about imagination, and how awesome it is", and then you go around to all these animals who tell you that you're awesome ("you're a good person", "you're strong in your own way", "you're smart" and things like that). And I don't know that when I was a kid I was ever awake to hear the end of it.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe
This weekend has taken years off of my life.

Years.

So Nora (16 months) loves to get in my office chair (a bog standard rolling mesh back cheapo from Amazon). She gets in it... is eating a cookie... a take a nibble of the cookie... it tastes like soap... I take a few steps away to ask mom why it tastes like soap and BAM she falls face first onto the hardwood floor. I freaking panic thinking she landed on her face, but not a mark. She knows how to get off of chairs but just must've slipped and the "skin hitting floor" noise I heard was just her palms hitting. Phew.

Then just a few minutes later she slips on a rug and hits her head on the hardwood again. Bruise/mark number 1.

Later that evening she is walking into the kitchen with the hard plastic container that holds wipeys... she has socks on... she slips on the tile and smacks her heard really hard (I think just on the container). Bruise number 2.

Then early this afternoon she is crawling under a bench at our dining table and gets up too fast and BAM, mark number 3.

Then about an hour ago I'm going to take the trash out, she senses this is me about to leave and goes to grab my legs making it unable for me to move. Her mom says she'll be right there to come get her out of my way but of course she has to wash her hands because she just ate a jalapeno and before she can finish Nora crawls up my leg, falls down and just slams her head into the goddamned door jamb.

Every time she popped right back up and after 5 seconds of crying acted like nothing had happened but I seriously think my blood pressure has to be in dangerous level territory. Yeesh.

Axiem
Oct 19, 2005

I want to leave my mind blank, but I'm terrified of what will happen if I do
There's some quote about how having children is like having your heart running around outside your body. Since becoming a parent, I think it's very true.

Big Bug Hug
Nov 19, 2002
I'm with stupid*
Man my baby is 8 months, and crawling, and pulling herself up on things. I have a lot of that to look forward to :ohdear:

kirsty
Apr 24, 2007
Too lazy and too broke

BonoMan posted:

This weekend has taken years off of my life.

Years.

So Nora (16 months) loves to get in my office chair (a bog standard rolling mesh back cheapo from Amazon). She gets in it... is eating a cookie... a take a nibble of the cookie... it tastes like soap... I take a few steps away to ask mom why it tastes like soap and BAM she falls face first onto the hardwood floor. I freaking panic thinking she landed on her face, but not a mark. She knows how to get off of chairs but just must've slipped and the "skin hitting floor" noise I heard was just her palms hitting. Phew.

Then just a few minutes later she slips on a rug and hits her head on the hardwood again. Bruise/mark number 1.

Later that evening she is walking into the kitchen with the hard plastic container that holds wipeys... she has socks on... she slips on the tile and smacks her heard really hard (I think just on the container). Bruise number 2.

Then early this afternoon she is crawling under a bench at our dining table and gets up too fast and BAM, mark number 3.

Then about an hour ago I'm going to take the trash out, she senses this is me about to leave and goes to grab my legs making it unable for me to move. Her mom says she'll be right there to come get her out of my way but of course she has to wash her hands because she just ate a jalapeno and before she can finish Nora crawls up my leg, falls down and just slams her head into the goddamned door jamb.

Every time she popped right back up and after 5 seconds of crying acted like nothing had happened but I seriously think my blood pressure has to be in dangerous level territory. Yeesh.

I've found it always happens like that - you'll have months and months of no injuries, then like seven in one day. Usually that day occurs just before the child's scheduled visit to the doctor.

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009

kirsty posted:

I've found it always happens like that - you'll have months and months of no injuries, then like seven in one day. Usually that day occurs just before the child's scheduled visit to the doctor.

Or school photo day.

Groke
Jul 27, 2007
New Adventures In Mom Strength

kirsty posted:

I've found it always happens like that - you'll have months and months of no injuries, then like seven in one day. Usually that day occurs just before the child's scheduled visit to the doctor.

There's an age where NOT having bruises is cause for concern.

More seriously, there are systematic differences between location etc. of bruises typically caused by toddler-monkey adventurousness, and bruises typically caused by physical abuse. Competent doctors (and health care and child care professionals in general) know of these differences.

rgocs
Nov 9, 2011

BonoMan posted:

So Nora (16 months) loves to get in my office chair (a bog standard rolling mesh back cheapo from Amazon). She gets in it... is eating a cookie... a take a nibble of the cookie... it tastes like soap... I take a few steps away to ask mom why it tastes like soap and BAM she falls face first onto the hardwood floor. I freaking panic thinking she landed on her face, but not a mark. She knows how to get off of chairs but just must've slipped and the "skin hitting floor" noise I heard was just her palms hitting. Phew.

Hey, wait a second, I can't be the only one who is still wondering why the cookie tasted like soap!

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

rgocs posted:

Hey, wait a second, I can't be the only one who is still wondering why the cookie tasted like soap!

I still have no idea! Her mom says it's because it was in the same bag as some marshmallows but I aint' buyin' that poo poo.

Good-Natured Filth
Jun 8, 2008

Do you think I've got the goods Bubblegum? Cuz I am INTO this stuff!

We put our 2-month old daughter in daycare for the first time today, and my wife is guilt-tripping herself to hell and back. I've been back at work for a few weeks now, so I'm used to not being around her all day. But this is my wife's first day back to work and without the kid. It doesn't help that one of our bitchier friends made this wonderful comment this past weekend: "I couldn't imagine having someone else raise our kids." Needless to say, I don't consider that person much of a friend anymore.

Any advice on getting through the transition? It's not like we didn't consider every possible option, but this is just the way things are going to have to be until I get a huge raise or we win the lottery.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Good-Natured Filth posted:

We put our 2-month old daughter in daycare for the first time today, and my wife is guilt-tripping herself to hell and back. I've been back at work for a few weeks now, so I'm used to not being around her all day. But this is my wife's first day back to work and without the kid. It doesn't help that one of our bitchier friends made this wonderful comment this past weekend: "I couldn't imagine having someone else raise our kids." Needless to say, I don't consider that person much of a friend anymore.

Any advice on getting through the transition? It's not like we didn't consider every possible option, but this is just the way things are going to have to be until I get a huge raise or we win the lottery.

Right there with you. We dropped her off at 7 weeks. That's hard poo poo to get through but it gets easier and quick. No matter how qualified you know someone is... just dropping them off sends all sorts of crazy thoughts through your heard. But once you realize they are fine, then after about a week it gets easier. Unfortunately there's nothing more than time that will really help. But for us it very quickly became normal. After like two weeks she'd hold her hands out for her caretakers when we took her in. That's when we really felt comfortable.

Also they will get a LOT out of daycare and the earlier they're in there the more exposure to everything they get (sickness for immunity, other kids for socializing). So that "raised by other people" person can go gently caress off. The best people I know were raised by a village.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe
I have a good friend whose wife is about to deliver today at 33 weeks. We were planning a shower but will instead turn it into a more of a gift/necessity gathering event than a traditional shower (while baby and family are at hospital).

For any folks that went through something similar, what are some things (besides preemie clothes and diapers) that, looking back, would have been great to have during such a time?

Fionnoula
May 27, 2010

Ow, quit.

BonoMan posted:

I have a good friend whose wife is about to deliver today at 33 weeks. We were planning a shower but will instead turn it into a more of a gift/necessity gathering event than a traditional shower (while baby and family are at hospital).

For any folks that went through something similar, what are some things (besides preemie clothes and diapers) that, looking back, would have been great to have during such a time?

Hey, I had a preemie! And a shower when he was 2 weeks old in NICU. Breast pump, pumping supplies (like bags for the milk), ointments, all the standard baby equipment - but most importantly, having someone put it together for you so you can spend your time with the baby at the hospital instead of at home putting together a crib and swing. If it looks like the baby will spend more than a few nights in the hospital: a small cooler (like 6-pack size) and some cold packs so she can transport pumped milk to the NICU. A sterilizer or sterilizing microwave bags. My baby was in NICU for a month and NEVER took the breast, so I was an exclusive pumper for 5 months. I was also a goddamn holstein, so the best "baby" thing we got was a small chest freezer for the garage to keep milk in, which is still in use now although not for milk. Laundry rota so in the event that the baby spends a while in the NICU, all they have to worry about is coming home to shower and sleep and change into clean clothes before heading back to the hospital. Gas cards, possibly gift certificates to the hospital cafeteria or coffee cart or whatever is near, particularly if the hospital is a distance from their house.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Fionnoula posted:

Hey, I had a preemie! And a shower when he was 2 weeks old in NICU. Breast pump, pumping supplies (like bags for the milk), ointments, all the standard baby equipment - but most importantly, having someone put it together for you so you can spend your time with the baby at the hospital instead of at home putting together a crib and swing. If it looks like the baby will spend more than a few nights in the hospital: a small cooler (like 6-pack size) and some cold packs so she can transport pumped milk to the NICU. A sterilizer or sterilizing microwave bags. My baby was in NICU for a month and NEVER took the breast, so I was an exclusive pumper for 5 months. I was also a goddamn holstein, so the best "baby" thing we got was a small chest freezer for the garage to keep milk in, which is still in use now although not for milk. Laundry rota so in the event that the baby spends a while in the NICU, all they have to worry about is coming home to shower and sleep and change into clean clothes before heading back to the hospital. Gas cards, possibly gift certificates to the hospital cafeteria or coffee cart or whatever is near, particularly if the hospital is a distance from their house.

Thanks! All great info. They are like 45 minutes from the hospital so gas cards, etc is a great idea. The dad is pretty OCD so he's basically got all baby products built and ready to go and their insurance is providing a pump. But I'll get pumping supplies and stuff. We also have a ton of preemie diapers and clothes that a friend gave us for our baby (who wasn't preemier at all... 8 lbs... so not sure why she thought we needed them but they have a purpose now!)

bee
Dec 17, 2008


Do you often sing or whistle just for fun?
I'd bet they'd appreciate a bunch of frozen meals. With all that driving to and from the hospital, they're not going to have lots of time to spend preparing food. A bunch of tasty, precooked dishes they can quickly heat up and eat would be a thoughtful gift, I think.

kirsty
Apr 24, 2007
Too lazy and too broke

Good-Natured Filth posted:

... It doesn't help that one of our bitchier friends made this wonderful comment this past weekend: "I couldn't imagine having someone else raise our kids." Needless to say, I don't consider that person much of a friend anymore. ...


That sanctimonious attitude drives me insane. Want to know when the real parenting happens? When you get up in the middle of the night because your son wakes up scared - or he just wants a drink of water. When you sit in one cramped position for hours because your daughter has a fever and will only rest snuggled on your lap. When you've had a long stressful day and all you want to do is watch Game of Thrones but your toddler is going through separation anxiety so you sit next to her until she falls asleep. Heck, even getting them fed and dressed and out the door on time is hard work. Daycare teachers aren't there for any of that stuff.

I realise you know all this already, but it really makes me mad.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

kirsty posted:

I realise you know all this already, but it really makes me mad.

I am fortunate to be able to be a stay-at-home mom to my kids, because my old job would have never paid for daycare for one kid, let alone three now. I always try to keep my trap shut about the good parts of being with my kids all day, every day, but I know even talking about the lovely things I experience with them throughout the day rubs my working-mom friends the wrong way. Because at least I get to be there.

There is no good way to talk about this kind of stuff, mommy guilt is such a powerful force that feelings get hurt no matter what gets said. Maybe those sanctimonious remarks are less cutting and more personal and rhetorical and not meant to hurt you.

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009
I think it's all just part of society that parents (particularly mothers) are judged and found wanting no matter what they do. I'm a stay at home mum and I feel a bit ashamed of the fact and as though I need to justify my decision. No matter what we do someone will be along to tell us that it is categorically the Wrong thing to be doing and by doing so we are assigning our children to the scrapheap of life.


BonoMan posted:

I have a good friend whose wife is about to deliver today at 33 weeks. We were planning a shower but will instead turn it into a more of a gift/necessity gathering event than a traditional shower (while baby and family are at hospital).

For any folks that went through something similar, what are some things (besides preemie clothes and diapers) that, looking back, would have been great to have during such a time?

I had my daughter at 34 weeks, vouchers for fuel would have been a fantastic gift. Or vouchers for take out food.

kirsty
Apr 24, 2007
Too lazy and too broke

VorpalBunny posted:

I am fortunate to be able to be a stay-at-home mom to my kids, because my old job would have never paid for daycare for one kid, let alone three now. I always try to keep my trap shut about the good parts of being with my kids all day, every day, but I know even talking about the lovely things I experience with them throughout the day rubs my working-mom friends the wrong way. Because at least I get to be there.

There is no good way to talk about this kind of stuff, mommy guilt is such a powerful force that feelings get hurt no matter what gets said. Maybe those sanctimonious remarks are less cutting and more personal and rhetorical and not meant to hurt you.

I agree, it's such a fraught topic, and generally I don't get particularly caught up in the emotion of it. There is no right or wrong way to balance work and childcare, and I'm honestly interested in people talking about their own experiences and the thinking behind their decisions. However, I'm not sure how implying that your kid's teacher is performing the role of a parent is anything other than a mean and unnecessary thing to say.

lady flash
Dec 26, 2007
keeper of the speed force
When we were in the nicu they provided everything I needed to pump and sent me home with a bunch too so I don't think pumping supplies are needed at this point. Food, gas and house stuff looked after would have been good. If they've got older children babysitting would be nice too.

Axiem
Oct 19, 2005

I want to leave my mind blank, but I'm terrified of what will happen if I do
Honestly, in the first few weeks after birth, it wasn't so much that we wanted things, but rather services. As already noted, babysitting, but also things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, walking the dog, I just remember that time as being incredibly draining and a blur of being tired all the time, and finding it difficult to just do all the things and run all the errands necessary to keep a household running.

I can only imagine how much harder it is when you have a child in the NICU, and are driving back and forth all the time.

"Vouchers" for house cleaning. Home-cooked meals. Even things like grocery shopping or taking the car in to the repair place or whatever. (By which I mean, instead of having a service, do a "I will do this thing for you" personal thing) Let them focus on what's really important in their life right now, and try to help out with all the things that are necessary in our society but fall by the wayside.

That's my two cents, at least. You should listen to the people who've gone through it for real, though.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe
They're going to be staying in hospital boarding while baby (who is doing fine... 4lbs 13oz and 18.5" at 34 weeks) is in NICU so we got them a $200 pre-paid Visa and offered to do anything at their house they need to (they live a ways away and have a cat... no kids though).

Ganglor
Apr 18, 2009
Not really adding or asking anything specific but I'm so glad I stumbled into this thread. We're struggling getting my daughter (16 months) to sleep at night any time before it gets dark. Which with daylight saving and summer is about 9.20. Slightly under a year ago I began walking while wearing her in a front pack to help get her to sleep and soon it was every night, in every weather. Fast forward to now and it's too hot for us both and she fights every step of the way. Unfortunately she also will not slow and calm down as the evening goes on and we can't seem to get her to sleep without the horrible sweat-walk and relative darkness.

Anyway, I'm happy I found this thread simply to see other parents struggling with similar issues because I'm getting a constant voice in my ear from my Mum telling me that "she really needs to be getting to bed earlier, and why don't you try this and that and reading a book and blah-loving-blah I raised a toddler 30 years ago and don't really remember how tough it was."

To actually add to the discussion about helping a few weeks after the birth; just leaving parcels of food and even the odd luxury on a doorstep can mean a lot. When friends of ours were having a hard time after their second arrived a box full of essentials (chocolate, chips, beer (he really needed one) and a few extras) meant a lot. They still remind me that it was most appreciated.

About society's judgement: I'm a stay at home dad and my wife suffers from chronic fatigue. In some ways we're lucky because it means both of us are at home with our daughter but at the same time trying to make a space for myself and a few other stay at home dads in the very much mummy dominated world can be difficult and I know my wife feels judged about what she's capable of doing with our daughter and always feels she should do more no matter the cost to herself and her health; she nearly spends every morsel of energy she has on our daughter and I'm always trying to get her to spend some on herself but that's never easy.

tl;dr Toddler won't sleep, grandmother lecturing, chocolate great gift, pressure from society bad.

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...
If you haven't already, get some heavy or blackout curtains for your child's room. That will at least help with the light.

See if you can get your kid to walk with you instead of carrying her the entire way. Get her used to doing that, even if it's only going to be for about 100 feet. It will help, you can cut the walk a little shorter, and start weaning her off of it.

Tom Swift Jr.
Nov 4, 2008

Personally, I would also have your little one do her own walking as much as possible to wear herself out and I would also start some form of sleep training to get to a more long-term solution of having her be able to go to sleep easily in her bed/crib. Do you have a consistent bedtime routine? My son is the same in that he is a ball of energy right up until he is asleep. We live by the sleep routine because it really cues his body to settle into sleep. We sing good-night toys and clean up then he gets a diaper and pjs, brushes teeth, gives hugs and kisses to whoever is around and goes to his room for a story and song then to sleep. We do the same song and story every night and nap because he really needs multiple sleep cues to settle down. It took a long time to establish, but when it finally started to work it really worked.

However, you may not be ready for all of that, so for an immediate solution I would get a different carrier. My kid is a furnace so I made a mei tai carrier out of linen and that has been so much better for us and makes it possible to carry him on hot summer days. There are different light-weight fabric options like the Boba Air. Also, the hiking backpack style carriers keep them off of your skin so they are a good option too. My son falls asleep every time my husband carries him in the hiking backpack. He never sleeps for me when I carry him though...

Good luck! And welcome to the thread!

Midnight Sun
Jun 25, 2007

If you can't get curtains that make the room dark enough, aluminium foil taped on/around the window works wonders. I did this in summer (Norway, where it never gets dark in summer, even at night), and it is awesome.

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.
Did what was suggested and set him up some "safe climbing environment" type situations to explore, also brought him to and might continue to bring him to a nearby kid's gym. We set up a box by a window he can use to watch his mom in the the kitchen which he seems to love, and he's been hard at work moving other things around to serve as steps when he wants one - we've provided (small) boxes since the alternative is him trying to balance on his toys. He seems to be happy, although he has been accumulating bruises at an alarming rate (although his worst was whacking his eyebrow so hard it bled and was due to the fact that although boxes were available he decided to try and balance on a toy anyways and then fell onto another toy, this baby is pretty insistent on getting hurt!). Also trying to get him plenty of physical non-climbing exercise hoping to tucker him outgoing for (relatively unstable still) walks around the yard and up the street.

Anyway, as a reward for us supporting his physical development or whatever he has apparently just discovered he can jump to get even higher/further which is, well, it is what it is.

10 months is too early for this, drat it.

sudont
May 10, 2011
this program is useful for when you don't want to do something.

Fun Shoe
I hate the "working vs. stay at home parent" crap so so much. I work nights, from home, so everyone forgets I do work, I'm a working mom, and just because it's from home doesn't make it less exhausting to care for my son all day and then work till 11pm-midnight most nights! But I always feel bad correcting people, like saying "Pfft I'm not one of THOSE moms, I work!" because being a stay at home parent is a perfectly valid choice too. I kinda do both I guess. When he gets to school age I'll likely pick up a day job because I'll have that free time, but for now there's no way in hell I can afford childcare (even with government subsidy, as a low income single parent I qualify but it's not enough, ask me about how getting a 75 cent raise made me ineligible for Medicaid/food stamps :( )

notwithoutmyanus
Mar 17, 2009

GlyphGryph posted:

Anyway, as a reward for us supporting his physical development or whatever he has apparently just discovered he can jump to get even higher/further which is, well, it is what it is.

10 months is too early for this, drat it.

He's jumping? If you want to give him some crazy fun jumping, you could use a yoga ball like a trampoline - secure it against something with your legs and bounce him/let him bounce himself, etc.

That aside, scenario + question:

My daughter's been walking/running since 11 months, and today decided to *break* the child gate we used to cordon off half the apartment for her to play in. The space we block is between the island and a door, roughly...60 inches wide. Question: Is there a kid gate that doesn't break as easily and/or can actually handle a large distance? It's been hard enough finding a gate that can even accommodate such a space. We got her this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003VNKLHA, which she ripped out the gate part that opens. For comparison, this kid is somehow capable of picking up my chromebook (3+ lbs) doing a powerclean with it.

notwithoutmyanus fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Dec 24, 2015

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Hdip
Aug 21, 2002
Maybe try looking at dog gates instead. They might be sturdier.

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