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edit: i'll save this post for later 
atomicthumbs fucked around with this message at 02:50 on Dec 12, 2015 |
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Dec 12, 2015 02:47
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| # ? Jun 6, 2024 16:39 |
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Just do it now so we can change the subject.
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Dec 12, 2015 12:56
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atomicthumbs posted:edit: i'll save this post for later You should post your amusing anecdote in the "Get Help" thread. Chaos reigns.
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Dec 12, 2015 17:50
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Yeah, don't let me drag you guys down. I appreciate your condolences and good wishes, but nothing's going to help me right now. Well, no, I take that back. Keep posting idiot stories. A distracting laugh is always welcome. Here, I'll start. I never really laid out my own history too much, beyond a brief story here and there. I was a Guard 19D from 2006 to 2012 with an Iraq deployment from 2009 to 2010. I was a college student when I joined up so I did split option training where I did basic one summer and AIT the next. My weekend drills in the year between was with RSP, or Recruit Sustainment Program. I don't know if they've since standardized it nationally, but when I joined what you did during RSP varied from state to state and we (Mississippi) basically spent a weekend doing a mini-basic that consisted of PT, drill, and random smokings. Having already done basic, it was pretty loving lame. So my idiot story. When I went back to Knox for AIT in 2007, I went with a couple guys I'd met in RSP who were going to the same unit as me. One of them was an okay guy who, I think, went active after we got back from Iraq. Okay guy, not the sharpest tool in the shed, typical redneck. I don't have any particular stories about him (except that we suspected he was a wife beater). But this other fuckhead. Holy balls. So when we got back from AIT, I was pretty much the only guy who went to the first drill. Not a huge deal, they forgot to coordinate with our recruiter and I only knew when to be at the armory because I'd asked specifically. Everybody was there either the next day or the following drill except for Fuckhead. I don't think we saw him for three or four months. So when he finally did show up, they reamed him out (as was right). When they finished, the first words out of his mouth were "I'm supposed to be an E3 now." Anyway, that's the first time he made PFC. Other stories include the time they were giving the ACT at our armory during drill weekend. The classroom was locked and he asked our platoon sergeant what was going on. "They're taking the ACT test in there." "ACT test?" he said. "Man, I don't know if I can pass a drug test." This is a guy who spent almost all of our deployment to Iraq on extra duty for various reasons (usually for being an idiot, such as picking a fight while by himself against literally a whole other company). During our pre-deployment drills, I remember once seeing him doing sprints through the parking lot, M4 above his head, while yelling "I WILL NOT FORGET MY WEAPON I WILL NOT FORGET MY WEAPON I WILL NOT FORGET MY WEAPON." I didn't really think anything of it until I saw that he was doing it for our 1SG. This was the only time I had ever seen our 1SG angry. He was a pretty chill dude, never raised his voice, always had a joke and something nice to say about you and was actually pretty informal. Not this time. I can only assume Fuckhead had left his M4 someplace exceptionally stupid, but who the hell knows. Maybe Top was just having a bad day. He reenlisted while we were in Iraq, netting himself a sweet tax-free bonus. Also, much to the chagrin of everyone in the company, he'd also somehow finagled a promotion to SPC to go along with it. Well, I guess it was about time for him to make E4. He'd made E3 like four times. But like I said, he spent the whole deployment on extra duty. Toward the end of the deployment, they were working up Article 15 paperwork on him because, while on extra duty, our pretty chill IRR recall E6 asked him to sweep the platoon office. Fuckhead's reasonable response was to throw the broom at his feet and say "you can't tell me what to do" before storming out. Ultimately he lost rank during demob for a plethora of sins, to include: Being late to formations and appointments Becoming a PX Ranger and buying combat patches and badges to which he was not entitled Disrespect and just a lovely attitude in general to everyone Then he deserted and we never heard from him again. Godspeed, Fuckhead, wherever you are. I close with something he said once when we were in Iraq, which I'm sure you'll find as insightful as I did. "If she's old enough to pee, she's old enough for me."
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Dec 13, 2015 02:22
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McNally posted:"If she's old enough to pee, she's old enough for me." 
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Dec 13, 2015 02:29
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Two Sailors here in Hawaii got masted a few months ago. They were downtown in Waikiki trying to pick up some tourists, as it was their right to do. Then they played the "who is the least drunk" game and got in the car to drive home. Got pulled over by the one non-rear end in a top hat haole hating cop in the entire state. The cop had them park the car, and said to have the passenger drive the car home. This is because the passenger swore he wasn't wasted. Well the passenger was wasted. So a car full of the luckiest drunks on the planet convinced the original "least drunk" guy to get back on the road. They got pulled over again a few miles later. By the same cop. Get handed a get out of jail free card. gently caress it up. Idiot Story. Edit: The DD was incoherent hammered in the back seat.
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Dec 13, 2015 02:51
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McNally posted:
Dude... What was his name and did he by chance transfer from Kansas? I am a fellow 19D such as yourself who repped the Kansas guard. About 2-3 months prior to me going to Basic *yeah I totally drilled instead of that RSP poo poo* we had this dude who came in and stating he just got off active from 25th ID and was some high speed dude who got awarded ARCOMS like every weekend or something from the division commander. Well any time something 11B or 19D came up, the dude knew nothing about it, he was a shitbag and it showed pretty quick. Anywho, he got promoted to PFC since he got busted from E3 for telling his NCOIC to suck a dick or whatever...Something.. this was back just before ACU's so the "blood pinning" was ripe within our company. So the 1st sgt pins his PFC rank on and gives him the appropriate 1sgt pin, not too hard not too soft. 2 seconds pass by, and the 1st sergeant loving LAYS into his shoulder, and the 1st sgt has this MEAN loving scowl on his face. So he walks back and we're like "uh what was that about." apparently after the first hit he said "is that the best you loving got?" Fast forward, I missed the initial mobilization with my unit but apparently this dude hosed up EVERYTHING, and got to the point where he got transferred into the retard squad once we hit country. He ended up doing some really lovely guard detail and the 1st day in country he claimed he wanted to kill himself. So for some time, he was on suicide watch. The guy goes on his 2 weeks leave and from the words of a few people back on their leave at the same time, the dude was going to the Bars wearing straight up 1LT rank, TONS of ribbons and touting this story about how he saved Charlie Companies (which was my company) entire 2nd platoon (my platoon) from an ambush and his story was up for possibly getting a medal of honor. Some dude called him out in the bar which led to the guy nearly getting into a fist fight with this dude, and that spread like wildfire. That was the last I heard of him, I think he was relegated to literally being some Ssgt's assistant for the last part of the deployment. The word was, his role was to make sure nobody touched the SSgt's desk, and if anyone did, regardless of who it was, he was going to kill the said PFC. Nice and hot piss fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 03:15
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MurderBot posted:Us 19Ds are retards Dude's name was Wilmath. I don't think he's the same guy as your story.
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Dec 13, 2015 03:21
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Naw, unfortunately not. But i'm glad to see that Kansas isn't the only place riddled with inbred shitbags.
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Dec 13, 2015 03:23
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MurderBot posted:Dude... What was his name and did he by chance transfer from Kansas? Goddamn some people are just dumb as gently caress.
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Dec 13, 2015 03:31
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Laranzu posted:Two Sailors here in Hawaii got masted a few months ago. They were downtown in Waikiki trying to pick up some tourists, as it was their right to do. Then they played the "who is the least drunk" game and got in the car to drive home. Got pulled over by the one non-rear end in a top hat haole hating cop in the entire state. The cop had them park the car, and said to have the passenger drive the car home. This is because the passenger swore he wasn't wasted. Sounds like the cops fault to me We had a real moron on my boat by the name of Dahmer. He did all the typical piece of poo poo sailor activities like he was in a rush, but his coup de gras was deciding to fall asleep in a fanroom while working as messenger. For you slimey wogs, messenger is the bitchboy of a submarine who's only purpose is transporting paperwork that requires signatures and waking people up. As far as I understand 2/3rds of the watch is sitting in a spot, typically asleep, until somebody tells you that they need something ferreted about. The last thing you'll do before loving off is go and wake up the people who are supposed to relieve you of the watch and take over your position. For whatever reason this associate of a serial killer decided that instead of maintaining the smooth operation of the watchteam he would gently caress off and take a nap in a hidden spot. Naturally everyone who relied on these types of wakeups was late to breakfast and to relieve, which resulted in a bunch of bitched up sailors investigating why such a benign process had been disrupted. Long story short Dahmer, who had a huge loving jughead and looked like white trash personified, was noted as missing in these investigations, and as such people started looking into the nooks and crannies where a retard might lay his head. As a fireman apprentice who had been masted twice previously for different brands of retardation, it was expected that Dahmer would be booted at the nearest port and told to gently caress himself. Instead he stuck around until he married some skank and tried to rip the navy off for moving costs or some other type of pedestrian bullshit. Kawasaki Nun fucked around with this message at 03:43 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 03:31
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Thump! posted:Goddamn some people are just dumb as gently caress. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1fZ7Ap6ebs
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Dec 13, 2015 03:49
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Kawasaki Nun posted:Sounds like the cops fault to me How did he pull this off? To go into the fan room underway you need OOD permission and its very loud when you open the door and everyone can loving hear it. edit : at least this is how it is on a 688 boat. if you're talking about a different boat I dunno the layout. ded fucked around with this message at 04:26 on Dec 13, 2015 |
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Dec 13, 2015 04:16
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ded posted:How did he pull this off? To go into the fan room underway you need OOD permission and its very loud when you open the door and everyone can loving hear it. This was an Ohio class so there were a bunch of storage spaces that could be accessed without effecting the ventilation posture of the boat. He didn't pull it off
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Dec 13, 2015 05:08
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Kawasaki Nun posted:This was an Ohio class so there were a bunch of storage spaces that could be accessed without effecting the ventilation posture of the boat. Ah ok. On a 688 the fan room is directly behind control and everyone on that level can hear it when someone goes in.
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Dec 13, 2015 05:26
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The only maintenance I did in a fan room was as a nub and I got left there for about 4 hours and then screamed at(fell asleep). All told it was a comfortable area where the potatoes were stored and at the time I regularly fell asleep standing up if I wasn't in the midst of some kind of work. gently caress Submarines and the cone forever
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Dec 13, 2015 09:34
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When I was a nub while cranking I would always get put on sump watch. Basically when you are snorkeling you have someone sit in the fan room and look into a tiny window and make sure not too much water is coming into the boat. You sit there with your little headphones and mic up every now and then to report status. The problem is the fan room is SUPER loving LOUD so I would end up talking over other people, not responding to requests for update because I couldn't hear, and one time I was up there for like 2 hours after we had left periscope depth because I fell asleep and no one noticed I was missing. Pretty sure I have hearing damage from that place.
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Dec 13, 2015 14:36
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MurderBot posted:The guy goes on his 2 weeks leave and from the words of a few people back on their leave at the same time, the dude was going to the Bars wearing straight up 1LT rank, TONS of ribbons and touting this story about how he saved Charlie Companies (which was my company) entire 2nd platoon (my platoon) from an ambush and his story was up for possibly getting a medal of honor. Some dude called him out in the bar which led to the guy nearly getting into a fist fight with this dude, and that spread like wildfire. Never thought I'd hear about somebody impersonating a LT...
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Dec 13, 2015 18:25
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I thought those bar trolls knew all about rank. Maybe he didn't want to fly to close to the sun.
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Dec 13, 2015 19:55
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Was talking with a coworker who thinks that Martin Shkreli wasn't wrong for jacking up the price on Daraprim. He claimed that nobody in the U.S. really used the drug that is on the WHO's list of essential drugs.
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Dec 18, 2015 05:16
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The 2 Reddit AMAs he did are a PR nightmare. It's fuckin hilarious how delusional this person is.
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Dec 18, 2015 22:20
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Shkreli loving owns. He's the kid who jacked up all the taxes to 100% in SimCity.
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Dec 18, 2015 22:51
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Didn't REI also do a terrible AMA? Shkreli got in trouble with the feds not long ago, maybe prison time from what I read. I also have seen a dude on deployment almost get his face blown off by people because he tried to get a camera into a secured area because he thought the Iraqi guys allowed in there wanted to kill him and he wanted evidence. He then proceeded to both fist fight the guarding personnel and pull a knife during the attack. The evidence he showed was stupid enough for him to be sent home mid deployment and be checked into a certain kind of place.
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Dec 18, 2015 23:00
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Agenta Khaulan posted:Didn't REI also do a terrible AMA? The REI one was rough because a bunch of employees complained about some of their policies. The CEO actually made changes because he agreed with them and didn't realize how far managers were taking the whole membership drive poo poo. Edit: V He didn't ignore it, reddit is a lovely format and he actually got back in twice after it ended to address that issue. Godholio fucked around with this message at 01:04 on Dec 19, 2015 |
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Dec 18, 2015 23:03
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Agenta Khaulan posted:Didn't REI also do a terrible AMA? Yes. Highlights include the CEO ignoring calls for dangerous snakebite kits being removed from the shelf, and ignoring the fact that every REI employee was disgruntled because of their terrible metrics.
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Dec 18, 2015 23:08
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Wasabi the J posted:and ignoring the fact that every REI employee was disgruntled because of their terrible metrics. being in the military has taught me that this means poo poo
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Dec 19, 2015 01:03
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If you think you had asinine paperwork requirements while you are in, here's a reminder that you had it worse than you thought. The Japanese rejected the original surrender document because the Canadian representative hosed it up and signed on the wrong line, bumping all other parties a line down as well. Someone crossed out the original titles and moved them down as well, to make it "right". Once the changes were initialed, the Japanese stopped complaining. So your S1 is a bigger dickhead than the Japanese in their unconditional surrender.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_Instrument_of_Surrender quote:Differences between versions[edit]
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Dec 19, 2015 01:47
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Zeris posted:If you think you had asinine paperwork requirements while you are in, here's a reminder that you had it worse than you thought. Godamnit Canada.. 
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Dec 19, 2015 01:58
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so what you are saying is Japan got bombed because S1 sucks at their job?
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Dec 19, 2015 01:58
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While in Afghanistan we were always short people to go anywhere. We would get volunteers to fill seats, usually driver so the TC and Gunner could keep an eye on them. We were pulling into the Swedish PRT and were securing the MMBJs like always. The random idiot driver guy in one truck mixed up the manual halon discharge with the MMBJ somehow. The Gunner heard a bang and said his lower half was suddenly cold. He claimed he thought he had been shot. He then saw the terp in the back seat covered in white stuff. Another random driver, this one some air force guy, found an old Soviet era 20mm AA round nearby in the dirt and stored it in the truck for some reason.
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Dec 19, 2015 02:19
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And that's why I usually didn't like having idiots from other units on my truck. At least if they're idiots from your own unit, you know them and exactly how stupid they are.
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Dec 19, 2015 03:43
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Naked Bear posted:And that's why I usually didn't like having idiots from other units on my truck. At least if they're idiots from your own unit, you know them and exactly how stupid they are. I totally agree, but when your fob is undermanned you gotta make due. We had to use dyncorp guys in a F250 to meet minimum Manning sometimes.
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Dec 19, 2015 14:30
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Mercury Ballistic posted:I totally agree, but when your fob is undermanned you gotta make due. We had to use dyncorp guys in a F250 to meet minimum Manning sometimes. her name is chelsea nowadays
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Dec 19, 2015 20:07
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My favourite movie/TV site is covering the new season of Serial and it's hilarious.quote:Whether Bergdahl had deserted his platoon or set off the DUSTWUN alarm didn’t matter that much to me, because I’m a pinko liberal commie, and I felt he was justified in either respect. The conditions were awful, command was screwing him over, and no one would listen to him. He was frustrated, so he attempted to do something about it. http://www.pajiba.com/serial/serial-episode-2-how-much-do-you-hate-bowe-bergdahl-now-.php
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Dec 20, 2015 01:04
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Frosted Flake posted:My favourite movie/TV site is covering the new season of Serial and it's hilarious. Popular understanding of (and overriding sympathy for) the Berghdal situation is a microcosm of the civil-military divide. It's like a nurse walking out in the middle of an operation because the surgeon hurt the nurse's feelings.
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Dec 20, 2015 18:06
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Its me. I'm the idiot junior enlisted (e6 tho) that dumps all his money into a car to make it go fast with no end in sight.
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Dec 22, 2015 06:24
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Laranzu posted:Its me. I'm the idiot junior enlisted (e6 tho) that dumps all his money into a car to make it go fast with no end in sight. You're the idiot for still being in
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Dec 22, 2015 06:33
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Laranzu posted:Its me. I'm the idiot junior enlisted (e6 tho) that dumps all his money into a car to make it go fast with no end in sight. I work with a guy who got his orders to Kadena cancelled because he wanted to go home to Florida and work on cars with his dad. Dude also never stops talking about working on cars, unless it's to talk about how all the girls in Florida are so much hotter than girls anywhere else. Having been to Florida I can vouch for that being absolutely false (outside of spring break anyway).
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Dec 22, 2015 06:56
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Wild T posted:I work with a guy who got his orders to Kadena cancelled because he wanted to go home to Florida and work on cars with his dad. Dude also never stops talking about working on cars, unless it's to talk about how all the girls in Florida are so much hotter than girls anywhere else. Having been to Florida I can vouch for that being absolutely false (outside of spring break anyway). The girls in Florida look good at exactly 18. By 19 they either seem to be pregnant with their second child or totally burnt up by the sun.
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Dec 22, 2015 07:15
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| # ? Jun 6, 2024 16:39 |
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Both are true
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Dec 22, 2015 07:22
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