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Shut the gently caress up, Apeliminator. You useless piece of trash. Even when the team wins you can't do anything right. 
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Dec 23, 2015 15:43
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| # ? May 10, 2024 09:20 |
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He shattered legs and put a moleman down on the ground. And then he fractured skulls to soften them up for Jimbo.
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Dec 23, 2015 15:51
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wooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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Dec 23, 2015 16:46
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hooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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Dec 23, 2015 16:46
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an archer did something what the gently caress
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Dec 23, 2015 16:53
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mongo has been consistently useless
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Dec 23, 2015 17:13
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Endorph posted:mongo has been consistently useless https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKRma7PDW10
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Dec 23, 2015 17:19
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Grats to goatface for nearly quadrupling his money placed on that fight, from 460 to 1711, rocketing himself up to 5th place bettor.
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Dec 23, 2015 17:19
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And I turned my hundred bucks into almost 400! I'M RICH
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Dec 23, 2015 17:24
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I swear to god if I hear any "arrow to knee" jokes ill burn this arena down.
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Dec 23, 2015 17:26
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Hihohe posted:I swear to god if I hear any "arrow to knee" jokes ill burn this arena down. I'm sure we'll have plenty of time those jokes after you take one in the fight against Spooky Scary Skeletons. 
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Dec 23, 2015 17:29
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 I call hax. Armor does nothing to stop those arrows?
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Dec 23, 2015 17:35
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Godna posted:
They're steel arrows. You'd need at least steel armor to have more than wet cardboard against them.
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Dec 23, 2015 17:36
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Endorph posted:mongo has been consistently useless Maybe this will cheer you up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9j3heYZAk8
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Dec 23, 2015 17:36
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jon joe posted:I'm sure we'll have plenty of time those jokes after you take one in the fight against Spooky Scary Skeletons. Bring it on. The Tonic will put you in a *mahogany coffin*. It is inevitable.
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Dec 23, 2015 17:40
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So it's going to take me a little bit to edit and post it, so I'm not going to upload to arena challenge just yet, because it would spoil it... but I just ran The Plump Helmets vs The Petting Zoo and holy poo poo, this is going to be a treat.
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Dec 23, 2015 18:19
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ZeeToo posted:So it's going to take me a little bit to edit and post it, so I'm not going to upload to arena challenge just yet, because it would spoil it... Guys are getting gelded again!?
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Dec 23, 2015 18:34
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Oh god Antwoman is starting across from Dory. Antwoman doesn't have poo poo that can get through Dory's armor. I was thinking Antwoman would be against James LargeSausage since he's listed first on the site, but these two fighters are swapped in the macros. Not that Antwoman has anything that could get past James' armor either... Wow my fighter sucks.
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Dec 23, 2015 18:35
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ZeeToo posted:but I just ran The Plump Helmets vs The Petting Zoo and holy poo poo, this is going to be a treat. Goddamn, we lost, didn't we?
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Dec 23, 2015 18:43
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jon joe posted:They're steel arrows. You'd need at least steel armor to have more than wet cardboard against them. I see....well at this point it seems that Face is going to be complete and utterly useless...anyone want one slightly used troll?
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Dec 23, 2015 18:45
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Spermy Smurf posted:Oh god Antwoman is starting across from Dory. Antwoman doesn't have poo poo that can get through Dory's armor. This is what happens when you go through five revisions in about six minutes. And then settle on daggers for some godawful reason.
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Dec 23, 2015 19:14
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 Round 6, Fight 8  The Plump Helmets is on the left side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields a copper spear and wears a bronze cap, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots. The Petting Zoo is on the right side of the arena. Antwoman (Spermy Smurf) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields an iron large dagger, a copper large dagger, a copper large dagger, and a bronze large dagger and wears a copper mail shirt and copper greaves. A Lost Cowman (Locomotive breath) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears a silver helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, copper greaves, silver gauntlets, and copper low boots. Simon Belmole (Ablative) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper scourge and wears a copper cap, a copper mail shirt, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Stephen Harper (ChickenWing) is a male serpent man. He wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears leather gauntlets and leather high boots. The Plump Helmets is a 1.30 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 2855.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2193.00 dwarfbucks for The Petting Zoo.  The Plump Helmets take the unusual strategy of bunching up. After a handful of tentative attacks, Dory puts her spear through Cowman's chest. Ribs break. Antwoman tries to stab Dory back, making a bit of a cut on her hand. These are not equal. Belmole makes up the difference by scourging off Josie's weapon hand, then Antwoman stabs her in the heart. That's what you get for your eagerness, Ramc! Josie kicks Antwoman, and the ant's head is injured.  Dory keeps stabbing. Belmole takes it in the foot. James stabs Stephen in the tail. Wrong end, buddy. Still, the serpent falls over. Josie is still game to fight, so she rushes Antwoman, and... somehow bounces off, stunning herself. So, things seem to be going the Plump Helmets' way, all-in-all. Then Belmole lashes Dory, and her spine breaks and her entire world is pain. That's a problem for them. Luckily, James gamely steps up, and his halberd cuts deep into Belmole's lungs. Antwoman removes Josie's foot. The elf is already mostly harmless. Panty Thief is still not very into this fight. He's sort of half-heartedly bothering Stephen. Grabbing at fingers, mainly. James rolls his eyes at that behavior, then chops off one of Stephen's hands. Stop that, Panty--don't play with your food. Antwoman continues separating Josie into the fundamental particles of elves; her third limb is removed and she no longer has her shield, either.  It's a good thing your average elfin body contains over twenty gallons of blood under high pressure, or Josie would be in bad shape. Anyway, Panty Thief grabs at Stephen's fang. Break that off and the snake will... never mind, you let go when he broke your hand. Luckily James is here to shred Stephen's lower body.  That's Josie's arm landing on Dory. Antwoman continues doing what she's doing, stabbing Josie in the neck. This time it doesn't sever cleanly. Oh, and now you've missed your chance! Josie bleeds to death as our first casualty, but with only three of five extremities removed. And now Panty Thief has decided, somewhat unusually, to pick on someone somewhat in his weight class. He punches Belmole's hand and mutilates it, laughs off the scourge in response, and shoves the mole over. From the ground, Belmole strikes at Dory again. Maybe this time he can break her head and kill her. Nope. James stabs Stephen one more time, and the snake is down; next is the killing blow. The Plump Helmets are, surprisingly, still doing okay with half the team incapacitated early. Now Panty Thief is dueling Antwoman. She's nimbly dodging his huge fists, but his armor isn't even scuffed by her daggers. Finally, though, he grabs her head and slams her roughly down. As soon as she's up, he knocks her further back. Meanwhile, the much-abused Dory finally dies, with Belmole's scourge as executioner. James is up against Antwoman now. The haft of his halberd is enough to crush one of her arms. A copper dagger falls from the useless appendage. Now that Dory is out of the picture, Cowman, who had spent some time ineffectively trying to kill her, comes up against James. He grabs the human's teeth, and loses an arm for his trouble.  Wait... is Panty Thief...? He is! He picks Antwoman up by the arm, kicks her as she dangles, then throws her away! The crowd goes wild! He smashes another hand of hers as she's in the air, and she drops another dagger and passes out, right before she slams into... James.  James dominoes into Cowman, who's trying to choke him to death, then hits the floor. Meanwhile, Panty Thief pounds Antwoman's head into her thorax, pulping all of it. That's fatal. And that's what you get for that last fight, Spermy Smurf! Cosmic justice today.  The exhausted and both banged-up James and Cowman are still fighting. Both still have one ally to help them, but Belmole hasn't moved in a long while, and Panty Thief is the least-hurt fighter in contention. Cowman isn't going to have this. He's got a grip on James throat, and he wrings it until the human passes out. Panty Thief is right there, though. He punches Cowman's foot to distract him. It's not enough. James dies, having breathed his last a little too long ago.  Finally, Belmole starts moving again. It's not in time; Panty Thief bites the minotaur in the leg and shakes until Cowman gives into pain. Belmole swings the scourge around, but a bronze breastplate is too adamant a defense. Panty Thief charges at Belmole, knocking him down, then punching his ribs through his lungs. Moles can take that, though. I really don't know how this is going to end. Panty Thief grabs Belmole's finger, hurls him to the ground, lets him stand up, grabs his ear, throws him with it, scratches his eye out... but if Panty Thief takes a single bad hit, he'll be down. Can this sort of thing actually kill The Petting Zoo?  Belmole is bouncing all over the place from repeated charges and throws. He can't even mount a meaningful defense. Satisfied with his little "puny God" impression, Panty Thief goes to finish off Cowman, unfortunately finding that silver helmets don't dent well. Frustrated, he bends the minotaur's leg in all the wrong ways until it flops freely. Belmole finally comes up and starts harassing the giant, but for a while he gets nowhere. Eventually, the scourge hits! The injured part is cloven asunder! Good job, you've split Panty Thief's lip. The scourge hits again! The yeti's upper left back teeth go flying.  Here is the tooth, a Z-level up. Then Belmole's scourge breaks Panty Thief's arm. The yeti faints.  Wow, that tooth flew clear free of the arena, and landed beyond the encircling river. Anyway, FIFTY TIMES the molemarian bashes Panty Thief in the head, only to find the bronze impenetrable.  Eventually, Panty Thief stands up, woozy but back in the fight. Belmole catches him in the eyelid. He's back out. Now Cowman gathers his senses and gets back into it. But, uh, somewhere he's grabbed an iron mail shirt, so that's what he's using to fight with now, flapping the chain mail at the yeti. Eventually, Panty Thief wakes up again, and snatches at Belmole's teeth. He loses more teeth and a finger, before simple exhaustion drops him to the floor and he passes out again. Midnight comes and goes. We are on day two of the fight. Belmole's breathing problems continue to assail him. I'm honestly surprised he hasn't suffocated. On Panty Thief dreams, slowly recuperating as the other two utterly fail to breach his bronze helm. Belmole, too, has suffered from exhaustion. Sometime that afternoon, Panty Thief awakes again. After a bit of ineffectual grabbing, that iron mail shirt in Cowman's hands breaks the yeti's arm, and he goes out again. Eventually, Cowman passes out from exhaustion for his first time.  We're going to be here forever. Belmole passes out from exhaustion, then eventually wakes up again. The second day concludes. Panty Thief stands up again. Moments later, Belmole passes out completely. Panty Thief keeps at Belmole, biting and throwing and kicking and everything else. Eventually, he kicks Belmole in the head and it breaks apart like an egg. That's three dead on each team. Panty Thief goes over to Cowman and bites his ear off. Cowman can't even twitch, he's so worn out, and Panty Thief is neither kind nor quick. The fight continues. Now it's Cowman who has the unbeatable headwear, as Panty Thief fails to overcome silver helm time and time again. Time passes. Tiny nicks accrue on Cowman, along with the occasional joint lock. Eventually, Panty Thief faints from exhaustion. It's gotta be close to the start of day 4. But now it's over. One contestant has bled to death. It was Cowman. Final Score The Plump Helmets: 4 The Petting Zoo: 3 Kills Return of Panty Thief: 3 James LargeSausage: 1 Antwoman: 1 Simon Belmole: 1 A Lost Cowman: 1 Combat Log
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Dec 23, 2015 19:14
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Ablative posted:This is what happens when you go through five revisions in about six minutes. In my defense I was pretty drunk. Edit: gently caress. At least I still have the most kills on the team... Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 19:25 on Dec 23, 2015 |
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Dec 23, 2015 19:20
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Hahaha, amazing.
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Dec 23, 2015 19:30
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With that hilarious half-a-week win, the Plump Helmets are the most impressively even team, 20 kills on the board and all their gladiators within 2 kills of each other. Meanwhile, every single one of the Petting Zoo gets a kill... except for their useless unblooded. Shame, shame!
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Dec 23, 2015 19:42
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hope they brought enough water to stave off dehydration out in the stands
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Dec 23, 2015 20:10
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New pro strat: Take a nap while your enemies exhaust themselves failing to hurt you, then wake up and
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Dec 23, 2015 21:30
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 BLOOD
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Dec 23, 2015 21:34
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Godna posted:I see....well at this point it seems that Face is going to be complete and utterly useless...anyone want one slightly used troll? If you're saying you don't want to support your fighter anymore, I've been waiting for this day since forever.  Also trolls rule.
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Dec 23, 2015 21:39
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I spent 100 points on connecting my gladiator's heart to a dimension of pure pressurized blood. Panty Thief you are a hero.
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Dec 24, 2015 00:26
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Panty Thief posted:Dear Diary,
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Dec 24, 2015 02:08
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my dad posted:New pro strat: Take a nap while your enemies exhaust themselves failing to hurt you, then wake up and I want to emphasize he did exactly that: quote:Return of Panty Thief (Plump Helmets) grabs Simon Belmole (Petting Zoo) by the left ear with his right upper arm! Belmole is thrown around and taken to the ground without Panty Thief actually letting go of that ear.
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Dec 24, 2015 02:59
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I'm pleased to see that this tournament finally features a Yeti that is actually kind of a badass, instead of just being another giant woolly punching bag like all the Yetis that came before. 
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Dec 24, 2015 04:38
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Well, at least Cowman killed another person. That's something! Though, looking back, perhaps it would have been better to give him an actual weapon back at the start of this tournament. Perhaps.
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Dec 24, 2015 05:48
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Locomotive breath posted:Well, at least Cowman killed another person. That's something! Though, looking back, perhaps it would have been better to give him an actual weapon back at the start of this tournament. Perhaps. Want one of my daggers? I'm not doing poo poo with them.
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Dec 24, 2015 13:12
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Spermy Smurf posted:Want one of my daggers? I'm not doing poo poo with them. Tradition dictates donating it at high speed pointy end first repeatedly.
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Dec 24, 2015 13:55
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Locomotive breath posted:Well, at least Cowman killed another person. That's something! Though, looking back, perhaps it would have been better to give him an actual weapon back at the start of this tournament. Perhaps. He had a weapon in that match! Which he probably pulled off of James LargeSausage's torso.
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Dec 24, 2015 14:55
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"Wait, what?" posted:A Lost Cowman (Petting Zoo) punches Return of Panty Thief (Plump Helmets) in the left hand, but the attack passes right through! Also he might be ethereal.
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Dec 24, 2015 17:18
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Ramc posted:Also he might be ethereal.  I didn't even notice that.
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Dec 24, 2015 18:36
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| # ? May 10, 2024 09:20 |
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Ramc posted:Also he might be ethereal.
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Dec 24, 2015 18:47
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