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Once I become the new PCC height and strength requirements will be re-instituted. 6 foot (just like it was in London for almost 100 years) and a 160kg bench press. You also need to be able to drink a whole bottle of Scotch and still go on duty 3 hours later, stab vests are out and tunics are back in (because Women loving love them.) If you fail 2 beep tests in a row you're sent to Hendon to be fed to the Police horses. Police Sergeants with less than 5 years service left and at least 1 divorce under their belt replace Magistrates in all duties. The legal aid system is disbanded and replaced with the Chuckle brothers and the cast of Geordie Shore as the only source of legal advice. Flogging with cat-o-9 tails is now an option instead of a fixed penalty notice or Police caution. Drink driving is dealt with by beating by the entire relief. Brest reduction is now illegal and punishable with a minimum 5 year custodial sentence. I'm pretty sure that if I ran for office and posted that manifesto in the Daily Mail I'd win with a landslide.
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Dec 29, 2015 15:41
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Bernard McFacknutah posted:Once I become the new PCC height and strength requirements will be re-instituted. 6 foot (just like it was in London for almost 100 years) and a 160kg bench press. You also need to be able to drink a whole bottle of Scotch and still go on duty 3 hours later, stab vests are out and tunics are back in (because Women loving love them.) cushy £90k job in the bag right there
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Dec 29, 2015 15:55
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Semi annual belt chat: If I'm looking down at my junk, going clockwise. Spare cruiser keys, cuff key, traffic box key all in a nylon holder, pepper spray, duty weapon, baton, handcuffs, latex gloves in a pouch, flashlight, taser, cellphone case, mag pouches. On my vest is my radio and 2nd set of cuffs. And I'm not on the street 
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Dec 29, 2015 17:27
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JayKay posted:Semi annual belt chat: PAVA spray, TCH rigid cuffs, limb restraints, 21" TCH baton, keys (cuff, railway, PAVA locker) reminded me i need to get a new key holder as i snapped mine taking some car keys off of it in a hurry Hezzy fucked around with this message at 18:00 on Dec 29, 2015 |
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Dec 29, 2015 17:57
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Those long carbon ones are excellent, don't know how much cuffing you do but the retracting metal cable is good. I guess you don't need to carry fire keys or a glass hammer on the trains?
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Dec 29, 2015 18:02
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Bernard McFacknutah posted:Those long carbon ones are excellent, don't know how much cuffing you do but the retracting metal cable is good. I guess you don't need to carry fire keys or a glass hammer on the trains? i had quite an expensive retractable one with metal cable which broke after some football guy tried to nick my keys, then i broke my backup plastic one by literally just yanking the keys off the belt when i needed to chase someone in my car. not the best of luck when it comes to these we do a fair amount of cuffing, but we don't need fire keys or a glass hammer. 99% of doors on trains can be opened with a t-key and on stations with a 16 key (both of which we are not issued with but they seem to just appear in our office)
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Dec 29, 2015 18:07
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I kicked in a train toilet door at London Bridge once thinking that someone was hiding in there. Turns out the toilet doors can be locked from the outside on a train. The only thing in that toilet was a major blockage. I 'forgot' to write that one up on account of our CRIS system not allowing a moving address and gently caress stating that I kicked in a train station door and passing the CRIS over to BTP so they can reply calling me a dumb oval office which probably would have been replied to by a MET inspector telling them not to ask for help on I-grades when they are 50 meters from BTP HQ in the future. For context some bloke had a falling out with a black cabbie at the rank by London Bridge station, decided that rather than just not pay the fare he would kick the gently caress out of the Cab. He did this at about 8.30 during a change in shift on a quiet rainy Friday night so about 80-100 officers attended and started behaving like wild animals because technically it's BTP's problem if we upset the public. I ran on to a train looking for people that matched the description and found no one. In the end Surrey Police caught him at some shithole station in the middle of nowhere. The sight of dozens and dozens of MET officers vaulting the ticket gates and pulling the emergency stop cables on trains so they didn't go on a free ride while they searched it made a lot of people think that we were looking for a bomb.
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Dec 29, 2015 18:30
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Bernard McFacknutah posted:I kicked in a train toilet door at London Bridge once thinking that someone was hiding in there. hahaha that's amazing, surprised there were no BTP bobbies kicking about. probably sloped off for a coffee with their hands in their vests after seeing you guys storming the station
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Dec 29, 2015 18:33
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To be fair it's always fairly well Policed, usually 6-8 BTP officers on duty at all times but it's a big station and wouldn't take much to make a manhunt impossible for 8 officers. The BTP officers at the HQ always seemed so happy. I used to go in there for a poo poo and there didn't seem to be any rats, the floors had carpets and the toilets didn't have graffiti about Mark Duggan or Chief Superintendent X giving out gob jobs at the section house for pennies.
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Dec 29, 2015 18:39
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Bernard McFacknutah posted:To be fair it's always fairly well Policed, usually 6-8 BTP officers on duty at all times but it's a big station and wouldn't take much to make a manhunt impossible for 8 officers. The BTP officers at the HQ always seemed so happy. I used to go in there for a poo poo and there didn't seem to be any rats, the floors had carpets and the toilets didn't have graffiti about Mark Duggan or Chief Superintendent X giving out gob jobs at the section house for pennies. railway dollars yo $$$$ also gilmour house is terrible, i wouldn't stay there even if gob jobs were being given out for pennies
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Dec 29, 2015 19:09
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gently caress, you went to Gilmore? That's a jog from my old station. Were you staying there or loving some probationer? It's pretty sharp for a section house, parquet flooring and a concierge to make sure you at least know the name of the girl you've drugged up and dragged back for a bit of the old in and out. Used to have to do my OST in the basement there. If you ever go back make sure you give me a buzz, I'll show you how us Southerners can quaff a shandy or two.
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Dec 29, 2015 19:34
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I wanna see a GiP buddy cop comedy where Hezzy and bernie team up with Beanie and Whip to stop a terror attack against the Queen during a visit to DC
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Dec 29, 2015 20:09
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Booblord Zagats posted:I wanna see a GiP buddy cop comedy where Hezzy and bernie team up with Beanie and Whip to stop a terror attack against the Queen during a visit to DC And beanie's wife foils their plan
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Dec 29, 2015 20:10
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Cole posted:And beanie's wife foils their plan They do a Point Break scene where Hezzy can't shoot the bad guy (Prince Charles in a Burka) and Whip just gibs him in one shot, looks over at Hezzy and says "Gotta use the sights dude." Also Mrs. Beanie is the actual detective finding out all the twists and turns of the plot because Beanie's too drunk, Whip's too fat, Bernie's too licentious and no one can understand Hezzy's accent
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Dec 29, 2015 20:13
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Cole posted:And beanie's wife foils their plan True Lies
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Dec 29, 2015 20:59
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I'm in, someone write a script
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Dec 29, 2015 23:30
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The Brits shouldn't be allowed to talk to each other here. No one can honestly read this page and tell me they got anything out of the story other than Bernard kicked a door.
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Dec 30, 2015 02:41
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What are you banging on about? I toned down the lingo ages ago so you pillocks could benefit from my wisdom.
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Dec 30, 2015 03:06
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Bernard McFacknutah posted:gently caress, you went to Gilmore? That's a jog from my old station. Were you staying there or loving some probationer? It's pretty sharp for a section house, parquet flooring and a concierge to make sure you at least know the name of the girl you've drugged up and dragged back for a bit of the old in and out. our initial training is in london and they put us up in gilmour, they don't send us there anymore because a met bobby mislaid his fav mug and threatened to kick in all the doors of the btp bobbies and search their rooms i think im due down in london at some point in the next few months to do taser certification and a tutor constable course will give you a shout Booblord Zagats posted:They do a Point Break scene where Hezzy can't shoot the bad guy (Prince Charles in a Burka) and Whip just gibs him in one shot, looks over at Hezzy and says "Gotta use the sights dude." this sounds pretty amazing and probably quite accurate
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Dec 30, 2015 12:11
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Booblord Zagats posted:I wanna see a GiP buddy cop comedy where Hezzy and bernie team up with Beanie and Whip to stop a terror attack against the Queen during a visit to DC 
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Dec 30, 2015 13:22
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Lol if you think I do anything other than feed the ducks on the reflecting pool
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Dec 30, 2015 22:16
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whip sitting in the passenger seat of his cruiser cause his belly is too big to fit behind the wheel anymore, belt undone and passed out in a food induced coma is how every shift starts and ends for him.
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Dec 30, 2015 23:36
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Hezzy posted:our initial training is in london and they put us up in gilmour, they don't send us there anymore because a met bobby mislaid his fav mug and threatened to kick in all the doors of the btp bobbies and search their rooms More than a few Police careers have been ended in that building. It surprises me that the officer even bothered to threaten to kick the doors in and didn't just do it. To be honest anyone who can't manage to move out of a section house by the time they have finished probation is probably poo poo at life. Excellent, there are some fine drinking establishments near London Bridge. A skinful the night before a whole day of Taser training in the gym will set you up nicely.
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Dec 31, 2015 00:21
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what is a section house and why do cops live there
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Dec 31, 2015 00:57
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I'm assuming it's like the dorms in Police Academy, except without Steve Guttenberg, that black guy who makes sound effects with his mouth, or that rapey Italian guy.
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Dec 31, 2015 01:00
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It sounds like some form of government subsidized housing/halfway house.
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Dec 31, 2015 01:05
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Whip Slagcheek posted:It sounds like some form of government subsidized housing/halfway house. Yeah, basically. It's for Police only and as you can imagine only the finest officers are drawn to massive police-hostels with shared kitchens, laundry areas etc. Some rooms are also kept to one side so if you've been kicked out by your wife or are too pissed to get home you can rent a room there. They are generally nice buildings full of total cunts. Some of the central London ones have large gyms and training areas in the basements. Many stories of Senior officers using the sectionhouses as virtual brothels abound.
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Dec 31, 2015 01:09
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If I go to london as a americop can i rent a section house room and get drunk with london coppers? Also can I badge a cop in england and get out of trouble or what.
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Dec 31, 2015 02:31
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Branis posted:If I go to london as a americop can i rent a section house room and get drunk with london coppers? Also can I badge a cop in england and get out of trouble or what. If you email ahead I'm sure there is some US/UK cop liaison organization, if you're actually thinking about it I'll get one of my friends to look in to it. I get a 10 man table at the big police boxing gala's once a year, usually November. You'd have a hell of a time as an American cop at one of those. Being an American tourist will get you out of a fair bit of poo poo anyway because you get hosed disproportionately hard if you actually get arrested. A drunk and disorderly charge on a friday night can actually end up with you spending all weekend in a cell and possibly getting deported the following week as British law doesn't really allow for tourists. Flashing your badge will either get you in a lot more trouble if you are already in it or if it's a minor 'misunderstanding' it may help to clear the air. There is a real culture of fear over here about cops doing each other favors because it's viewed as corruption.
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Dec 31, 2015 02:43
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GOOD TO SEE BRITISH COPS DONT HAVE THE THIN BLUE LINE
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Dec 31, 2015 03:04
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cops are bastards everywhere
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Dec 31, 2015 03:08
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it's true because i see it spray-painted in my town everywhere
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Dec 31, 2015 03:10
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When can I move in to Cop Dorm. Hope the girls from the Academy House are having a party.
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Dec 31, 2015 04:49
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Branis posted:If I go to london as a americop can i rent a section house room and get drunk with london coppers? Also can I badge a cop in england and get out of trouble or what. http://www.ipa-iac.org/ join and all this gets sorted. vacations abound! we should have a november pissup sometime. i turn 28 in nov and i am starting to feel quite old
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Dec 31, 2015 05:06
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Hezzy posted:i turn 28 in nov and i am starting to feel quite old Just wait, it only gets worse
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Dec 31, 2015 11:48
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Bernard McFacknutah posted:If you email ahead I'm sure there is some US/UK cop liaison organization, if you're actually thinking about it I'll get one of my friends to look in to it. I get a 10 man table at the big police boxing gala's once a year, usually November. You'd have a hell of a time as an American cop at one of those. I really want to do this.
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Jan 1, 2016 01:51
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Watching BLM protesters screw up NYE traffic in DC. 
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Jan 1, 2016 02:35
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NO JUSTICE, NO PARKING. So, a typical day in DC really.
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Jan 1, 2016 02:42
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U St is hosed up most nights anyway so this is really just business as usual.
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Jan 1, 2016 02:43
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Just lol if you're working NYE.
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Jan 1, 2016 03:56
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