RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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GreenNight: Feb 19, 2006; Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

The light tried to escape as god intended.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 00:55

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 08:44

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Lord Dudeguy posted:

"This is affecting affection!"

If a ticket is affecting production, would a home ticket produce affection? :rimshot:

Make sure to tip your waitress.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 01:08

Roargasm: Oct 21, 2010; Hate to sound sleazy
But tease me
I don't want it if it's that easy

pr0digal posted:

Forums poster: "Since you won't price match with Amazon, I just bought the SFPs from there instead"
VAR: YOU WHAT

# ? Jan 14, 2016 01:12

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

I'm assuming a user kicked it right out of the box under the desk. That thing on the end is what it's supposed to plug into. Whole thing just popped right out.

Thankfully fixing it is not my problem :woop:

^^no joke, I've seen some sketchy looking SFPs that clients were using

# ? Jan 14, 2016 01:15

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

pr0digal posted:

I'm assuming a user kicked it right out of the box under the desk. That thing on the end is what it's supposed to plug into. Whole thing just popped right out.

Thankfully fixing it is not my problem

Its not a removable transceiver then ? oops

# ? Jan 14, 2016 01:17

Gealar: May 2, 2013

Ticket walked in:

Some of our laptops can no longer access the network drives or the internet. No workstations are affected. 10 minutes before I am supposed to go home.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 01:24

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

jre posted:

Its not a removable transceiver then ? oops

Pretty sure it was part of the wall plate. I didn't bother trying to put it back

# ? Jan 14, 2016 01:30

Wachter: Mar 23, 2007; You and whose knees?

So a business we share a forest with got Cryptowalled a weeks before Christmas, and their whole shared drive got trashed. Now I know Christmas is a slacktacular time of year, but we didn't get the ticket until 8th January, and three weeks seems like a hell of a long time to notice that the filename of every Office document in your whole business has turned into moonspeak.

We restored from backup without a hitch, thankfully. The guy who downloaded it, his contract ended a few days later, so we never got to grill him about it. Oh, word, you cleared your browser history and cache just after you raised the ticket? That's not at all suspicious.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 01:46

oh rly: Feb 22, 2006; oh rly ya rly no wai

I own and manage several ITSM processes in ServiceNow at a large company, around 1500 IT associates and 30,000 users. The quality of your ServiceNow instance depends on your company's implementation and customizations. If you put thought into the user experience, make the processes clear, and have a solid team administrating the platform, then the tool can be used successfully.

However, it is very easy to create a POS.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 16:37

GoatShaver: Nov 12, 2010

"I haven't been able to print for a week!"
Why did you put in a ticket this morning?
(ticket has been changed to closed)

# ? Jan 14, 2016 17:11

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

"I built my app on a single EC2 instance in a VPC and it died! What the gently caress, Agrikk! I put it in the cloud to keep poo poo like this from happening!"

You did not make your application cloud native. You put your app on someone else's computer. Okay, Guy From Organization New To AWS Within Existing Enterprise Customer, it's time to dust off the "how do I cloud?" lecture series...

# ? Jan 14, 2016 18:14

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

Agrikk posted:

"I built my app on a single EC2 instance in a VPC and it died! What the gently caress, Agrikk! I put it in my butt to keep poo poo like this from happening!"

You did not make your application butt native. You put your app on someone else's computer. Okay, Guy From Organization New To AWS Within Existing Enterprise Customer, it's time to dust off the "how do I butt?" lecture series...

My Butt to Butt extension makes this so much (more) funnier :allears:

# ? Jan 14, 2016 18:21

Malek: Jun 22, 2003; Shut up Girl!
And as always: Kill Hitler.

pr0digal posted:

My Butt to Butt extension makes this so much (more) funnier

True
Side note, your avatar makes me sad.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 18:22

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

Malek posted:

True
Side note, your avatar makes me sad.

gently caress cancer. First Bowie, then him.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 18:36

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Malek posted:

Side note, your avatar makes me sad.

gently caress.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 18:36

Fortis: Oct 21, 2009; feelin' fine

Our marketing department hired a "Email Marketing & Campaigns Manager". She's been here ~35 business days (since late November) and has filed 50 tickets. 1.4 tickets per day.

I've never seen someone transmute verbs into nouns and vice versa this much. Questions that need an immediate answer are "urgent asks," if an email promo didn't get sent out on time we're "late on this promo send."

On top of that, everything is phrased in that "business polite" way people do that comes off more as unnecessarily rude than anything. She's going full-time remote next month and she's asked us 3 times in so many words if we know what we're doing and if she'll actually be able to remote in when the time comes.

I wish there was a polite, professional way to ask a user to refrain from writing tickets that are viscerally repulsive.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 20:30

Nerdrock: Jan 31, 2006

Fortis posted:

Our marketing department hired a "Email Marketing & Campaigns Manager". She's been here ~35 business days (since late November) and has filed 50 tickets. 1.4 tickets per day.

I've never seen someone transmute verbs into nouns and vice versa this much. Questions that need an immediate answer are "urgent asks," if an email promo didn't get sent out on time we're "late on this promo send."

On top of that, everything is phrased in that "business polite" way people do that comes off more as unnecessarily rude than anything. She's going full-time remote next month and she's asked us 3 times in so many words if we know what we're doing and if she'll actually be able to remote in when the time comes.

I wish there was a polite, professional way to ask a user to refrain from writing tickets that are viscerally repulsive.

This is exactly the kind of poo poo person you want managing your outgoing spam.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 20:34

Mo_Steel: Mar 7, 2008; Let's Clock Into The Sunset Together; Fun Shoe

GreenNight posted:

Our ticketing system is my email inbox.

You too?

Wachter posted:

So a business we share a forest with got Cryptowalled a weeks before Christmas, and their whole shared drive got trashed. Now I know Christmas is a slacktacular time of year, but we didn't get the ticket until 8th January, and three weeks seems like a hell of a long time to notice that the filename of every Office document in your whole business has turned into moonspeak.

We restored from backup without a hitch, thankfully. The guy who downloaded it, his contract ended a few days later, so we never got to grill him about it. Oh, word, you cleared your browser history and cache just after you raised the ticket? That's not at all suspicious.

My only run-in with Crypto was to open a network drive and see a bunch of all caps html files in the subdirectories. I had read stories in here before and as you might imagine I immediately emailed my boss and our MSP expecting a real poo poo show about to unfold over the next few hours.

We got lucky; though the process had flooded the network drive with the html files about how to pay to unlock, it looked like McAfee had blown the process away before it could change any actual files. :sweatdrop:

We had backups upon backups of course so if it had gone off we would've not lost anything, but gently caress seeing that felt like being punched right in the gut.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 21:25

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Mo_Steel posted:

You too?

My only run-in with Crypto was to open a network drive and see a bunch of all caps html files in the subdirectories. I had read stories in here before and as you might imagine I immediately emailed my boss and our MSP expecting a real poo poo show about to unfold over the next few hours.

We got lucky; though the process had flooded the network drive with the html files about how to pay to unlock, it looked like McAfee had blown the process away before it could change any actual files. We had backups upon backups of course so if it had gone off we would've not lost anything, but gently caress seeing that felt like being punched right in the gut.

mcafee ... saved you? I hope you went out and celebrated the only way John knows how, hookers and blow.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 22:00

Mo_Steel: Mar 7, 2008; Let's Clock Into The Sunset Together; Fun Shoe

MF_James posted:

mcafee ... saved you? I hope you went out and celebrated the only way John knows how, hookers and blow.

I was as amazed as anyone else, I assure you. Like finding out the bullet that was shot at you was stopped by a feather.

suuma posted:

Spent 3.5 hours on the phone troubleshooting an old label printer with a very angry customer who spent the whole call accusing me of breaking it, then went to lunch and dropped my phone in a storm drain. I'm ready for the sun to consume the Earth today.

Mo_Steel fucked around with this message at 23:14 on Jan 14, 2016

# ? Jan 14, 2016 22:23

suuma: Apr 2, 2009

Spent 3.5 hours on the phone troubleshooting an old label printer with a very angry customer who spent the whole call accusing me of breaking it, then went to lunch and dropped my phone in a storm drain. I'm ready for the sun to consume the Earth today.

# ? Jan 14, 2016 22:53

frogbert: Jun 2, 2007

Fortis posted:

Our marketing department hired a "Email Marketing & Campaigns Manager". She's been here ~35 business days (since late November) and has filed 50 tickets. 1.4 tickets per day.

I've never seen someone transmute verbs into nouns and vice versa this much. Questions that need an immediate answer are "urgent asks," if an email promo didn't get sent out on time we're "late on this promo send."

On top of that, everything is phrased in that "business polite" way people do that comes off more as unnecessarily rude than anything. She's going full-time remote next month and she's asked us 3 times in so many words if we know what we're doing and if she'll actually be able to remote in when the time comes.

I wish there was a polite, professional way to ask a user to refrain from writing tickets that are viscerally repulsive.

You could suggested that her writing style is being flagged as spam because it picks up incorrect verb/noun usage. "I get what you're writing but the spam filter is what it is" :shrug:

# ? Jan 15, 2016 00:23

oTHi: Feb 28, 2011; This post is brought to you by Molten Boron.
Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron!.; Lipstick Apathy

I constantly feel awful for raising so many tickets with our ERP vendor. It seems like our request volume has increased a lot since I started, but I wonder if we just didn't care to get things fixed previously. The support team there must hate me.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 00:48

Lord Dudeguy: Sep 17, 2006; [Insert good English here]

So we've got a vendor that uses ~~~THE CLOUD~~~ to do it's mass mailings. Occasionally, we're receiving them late. Very late. The timestamp on the e-mails' creation is 6+ hours before our e-mail gateways get them.

I check the system logs. Yep, that sending host is connecting to us 6+ hours after the e-mail's generation. No, it's not connecting, then retrying for 6+ hours. It's just connecting late.

Hell, I've got it isolated down to the offending host on their side. Most of their hosts are fine, but this fucker is being decidedly lazy.

Our users tell me that the vendor says it's our fault. I send the vendor our logs, our analysis, and request that they go into the offending host and see what errors they are getting, if any. I CC'd the users.

What I get is a page-long explanation of how the Internet works ("There's a lot of routers and switches that an e-mail has to go through, and sometimes that just times out"), punctuated with "In conclusion, it's either your ISP, or your server."

No, gently caress you. Either you start presenting some findings or evidence, or I'm ducking out of this bullshit entirely.

Lord Dudeguy fucked around with this message at 01:14 on Jan 15, 2016

# ? Jan 15, 2016 01:09

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

I went through that a few years ago with an employee upset that her personal emails to a family member wouldn't appear in their inbox for 2 or 3 hours after they were sent.

It took me like thirty minutes to figure out what was happening and learn what greylisting is, and then like three weeks of constantly bouncing emails from the employee, the family member, and their email vendor, just saying "Here is the log for this email trying to leave our server. The receiving server is requesting a delay due to its greylisting settings. Whitelist our address, or turn it off and it will work" before they gave up trying to get it fixed from our end.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 01:43

Wachter: Mar 23, 2007; You and whose knees?

Mo_Steel posted:

We got lucky; though the process had flooded the network drive with the html files about how to pay to unlock, it looked like McAfee had blown the process away before it could change any actual files. We had backups upon backups of course so if it had gone off we would've not lost anything, but gently caress seeing that felt like being punched right in the gut.

Ours got hold of pretty much everything except PDFs. Forefront caught what we're pretty sure was the offending .exe file. Shame it did so three weeks too late. Honestly the only scary thing was realising how little a poo poo anyone gave about it. We're freaking out trying to find out how far this thing had spread (some users have mounted drives all over the place), but despite losing business-critical stuff from 200+ folders, nobody besides the ticket creator notices or chases it up even once. And these are the same people who curl up into foetal positions when they lose their desktop backgrounds.

Untangling some failing Outlooks today, I noticed a user who had set up rules to forward every e-mail he receives and sends to his assistant. He also CCs his assistant and himself into everything he sends. So every email he sends gets copied to the assistant's mailbox in triplicate. The assistant already has full access to his mailbox, rendering all of this completely redundant. This is of course the department that complains on a weekly basis that Outlook is slow and unresponsive. Yeah, I wonder why?

# ? Jan 15, 2016 02:25

The Macaroni: Dec 20, 2002; ...it does nothing.

oTHi posted:

I constantly feel awful for raising so many tickets with our ERP vendor. It seems like our request volume has increased a lot since I started, but I wonder if we just didn't care to get things fixed previously. The support team there must hate me.

Not if you're leaving their support good feedback. I have tons of tickets open with our LMS vendor at any given moment, and I was positive that their support team hated me. I met with the VP of support at the vendor conference, and he said, "Are you kidding? They all love you. You're tough but you're fair, and when you leave them feedback you say really nice things even when it's like 'This product sucks but [Tech] really communicated well and tried her best.'"

I asked one of the techs later if this was true, and he said, "Yeah, pretty much. Every other client hates us and gives us 1-star ratings when we're doing our best to help. You realize that the product issues aren't our fault, and you single-handedly raise all of our averages."

I'm on a first-name basis with half their techs at this point, so it must be true.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 15:50

Bigass Moth: Mar 6, 2004; I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...

Just saw a buffalo teradrive at a server farm and thought of this thread.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 17:15

Billy the Mountain: Feb 3, 2005; I used to be TheRealLuquado

Ok, Datto training guy, if you finish two days of advanced training in a day and a half, it means you're going to f****** fast and no one can follow what the hell you're doing.

Jesus. My brain is melted.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 17:46

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

A ticket came in:

quote:

cabinet temperature: 16838 degrese Celcius

# ? Jan 15, 2016 18:00

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

kensei posted:

A ticket came in:

Congrats on your fusion reactor?

EDIT: After some research that is still too low for fusion.

Inspector_666 fucked around with this message at 18:03 on Jan 15, 2016

# ? Jan 15, 2016 18:00

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

kensei posted:

A ticket came in:

please tell me this was escalated by an actual human who didn't see anything wrong with it.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 18:02

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

Renegret posted:

please tell me this was escalated by an actual human who didn't see anything wrong with it.

Nah it's a completely mis-configured monitoring node. Many jokes about someone running a steel foundry in their cabinet happened in the team chat, no one thought it was real.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 18:06

ChubbyThePhat: Dec 22, 2006; Who nico nico needs anyone else

kensei posted:

A ticket came in:

I hate it when people leave their pet suns in the server room.

e:f;b

# ? Jan 15, 2016 18:08

stubblyhead: Sep 13, 2007; That is treason, Johnny!; Fun Shoe

They're cattle!

# ? Jan 15, 2016 18:13

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

I had a similar one where my environmental sensors reported one of the chiller inlets being at 255C. That it was specifically 255 made it obvious it was a short-circuited sensor, but my coworker had a slight panic going "omg it has to be a fire!" which was entertaining.

# ? Jan 15, 2016 18:14