RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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A Frosty Witch: Apr 21, 2005; I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Speaking of, has his issue been resolved yet or is the station still baying for his blood?

Last I heard he's been on this issue for at least 48 straight hours at this point.

No solution in sight.

One of the anchors who has been there since the very beginning needed help with his computer.

He's seriously old as gently caress and does not give one single poo poo about anything.

Apparently, CE sat at his computer trying to fix his problem for over 2 hours and ended up not doing a single thing.

The anchor went off on him in front of the entire newsroom, telling him what a worthless piece of poo poo he is.

I feel kind of bad for him. He seriously has no idea how to computer and has always had someone under him to take care of everything while he pretends to be the big dog with all the answers.

Actually, I don't feel bad at all. This is loving hilarious and I feel real relief deep down in my soul.

A Frosty Witch fucked around with this message at 00:03 on Feb 5, 2016

# ? Feb 4, 2016 23:59

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 20:55

Just Offscreen: Jun 29, 2006; We must hope that our current selves will one day step aside to make room for better versions of us.

That's loving delicious- though I do feel bad for the rank and file who have to deal with that poo poo.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 00:31

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

And all of this could have been avoided if they'd just given you your own department.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 01:32

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

larchesdanrew posted:

The anchor went off on him in front of the entire newsroom, telling him what a worthless piece of poo poo he is.

I hope someone recorded video of that for you. Just so you can fall asleep to it every night with a smile.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 01:41

teamdest: Jul 1, 2007

Neddy Seagoon posted:

I hope someone recorded video of that

How would they?

# ? Feb 5, 2016 04:26

22 Eargesplitten: Oct 10, 2010

Neddy Seagoon posted:

I hope someone recorded video of that for you. Just so you can fall asleep to it every night with a smile.

Maybe that's why he didn't fix the cameras.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 04:38

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

teamdest posted:

How would they?

The same way they managed to record the CE being told that Larche had quit? The one I told him not to post at all under any circumstances because goons WOULD dox him?

# ? Feb 5, 2016 04:38

22 Eargesplitten: Oct 10, 2010

It's a joke.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 04:39

DigitalMocking: Jun 8, 2010; Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin

teamdest posted:

How would they?

# ? Feb 5, 2016 05:06

Mo_Steel: Mar 7, 2008; Let's Clock Into The Sunset Together; Fun Shoe

KillHour posted:

The last time I ran -what if, it spit out a termination notice with my name on it. Powershell is scary, yo.

It's also pretty awesome, even for someone mostly cudgeling it together like me. I like using it for comparatively safer stuff, like batch moving files or retrieving event viewer logs. Basically anything that involves me taking repetitive action more than twice and I'm asking "can I just script this once and never deal with it again?"

# ? Feb 5, 2016 06:28

Methanar: Sep 26, 2013; by the sex ghost

I've forkbombed myself a few times by accident when trying to parallelize things.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 06:29

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

Methanar posted:

I've forkbombed myself a few times by accident when trying to parallelize things.

I ran rm -rf with an errant star. That was an oh poo poo moment

# ? Feb 5, 2016 06:34

Crowley: Mar 13, 2003

larchesdanrew posted:

Next is that Spiceworks isn't scraping my AD for user information, and the culprit seems to be that for Spiceworks to actually pull user info they have to have an email address listed, which none of our users do. So I either get to manually input 300+ emails or come up with a script that will transfer the information from a .csv file. It'd be really loving simple since we do firstletter.lastname@domain.com except students have a 16 or 17 included depending on what year they graduate and the domain groups aren't split into class years.

This Powershell blurb was a co-production of a few wise ol' goons on IRC when I had roughly the same problem:

PowerShell code:

Import-Module ActiveDirectory

Get-ADUser -SearchBase "OU=Something,OU=SomethingElse,DC=internal,DC=company,DC=com" -Filter 'mail -like "*"' -Properties mail, OfficePhone, Department, Title |
select-object GivenName, Surname, SamAccountName, mail, OfficePhone, Department, Title |
ConvertTo-Csv -NoTypeInformation |
Select-Object -skip 1 |
set-content -path "c:\_Temp_Stuff\AD_Export_$((Get-Date).ToString('ddMMyy')).csv"

Edit: I misread that. This is for exporting users from AD.

Crowley fucked around with this message at 10:02 on Feb 5, 2016

# ? Feb 5, 2016 09:59

bitterandtwisted: Sep 4, 2006

I'm pretty green with powershell, and it is pretty scary, but the more I see the more I want to learn. My boss tasked me with changing four properties in everyone's AD account last week (about 400 people) and said to figure out how to script it or spend the next eight hours doing it all by hand. This should work for you, Larches:

code:

$data = import-csv -path c:\userimport3.csv

foreach ($user in $data){

Get-ADUser -filter "SamAccountName -like '$($user.studentname)'" | Set-ADUser -Replace @{mail = �$($user.email)�}

}

Where your csv file has two columns titled studentname and email. One thing to note is the -replace cmdlet doesn't like empty values in the csv

Immediately after I got it working, he said 'oh I forgot, we needed a fifth property changed as well', and it felt pretty good to make one small change, re-run the script and have it just work.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 10:33

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

pr0digal posted:

I ran rm -rf with an errant star. That was an oh poo poo moment

Back in the dark ages before online code repositories were a thing I wanted to do rm *~ to clean up emacs backup files in a personal project folder.On a Swedish keyboard the tilde is right next to the enter key. You can imagine how I butterfingered that. :downs:

# ? Feb 5, 2016 11:36

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Collateral Damage posted:

Back in the dark ages before online code repositories were a thing I wanted to do rm *~ to clean up emacs backup files in a personal project folder.On a Swedish keyboard the tilde is right next to the enter key. You can imagine how I butterfingered that.

/
/

# ? Feb 5, 2016 12:33

ErIog: Jul 11, 2001

pr0digal posted:

I thought it was funny when I read it before I got into IT. Now that I'm working on my CCNA I find it hilarious

I read this in the newspaper when I was like 12. My uncle explained token ring to me via this strip. It's creepy as gently caress to see it posted here like this. I guess I was destined to be a CJ.

Also, a ticket finally came in at my new job.

I did nothing most of this week. My boss tells me to translate an e-mail about a network outage at about 4:15pm. It's similar to a prior e-mail so it only takes me an hour, it's a list of times and buildings and stuff I have to make sure is correct. During that time a ticket comes in from someone who's wireless router poo poo itself. It's 5:00 on a Friday. We have a big network upgrade on Monday so my boss insinuates I need to take care of it ASAP. I screw with it for a while to no avail. The dude eventually wants to leave himself so tells me it's okay if I come back next Wednesday. In saying this he also says, "I probably should have called earlier." Gee, wow, you think so?

Also, there's a special place down below reserved for people who block ICMP packets so I can't do proper troubleshooting.

ErIog fucked around with this message at 14:21 on Feb 5, 2016

# ? Feb 5, 2016 14:12

PBS: Sep 21, 2015

Anyone ever use Service Now as their ticketing system?

# ? Feb 5, 2016 14:13

nielsm: Jun 1, 2009

A printer problem came in.

Pages are coming out blank, but only for one user. User claims to already have tested on multiple printers, same problem on each.

Okay time to remote in. Just a Word document with two words in size 72. I try removing printers and reinstalling, no fix. Try changing text color, nope it's correct (black) - user also says she tried red text before with same blank outcome.
Okay let's try making a PDF of that page and printing that instead. That works. PDF displays and prints correct.
Try making a Windows test page. Works fine.

Only in Word?!

I try making a new file, just "test" in the corner of the page. Works.

Now take a guess. (I didn't find a real solution.)

The main difference between my test and the original document seemed to be text size, so I tried first re-creating the original document in size 72. Blank page printed. Sized the text down to 14 or so. Printed correctly. Uh... let's try a variety of sized then, all the way up to 72. They all print, except for the size 72 line.
Yep really, for this one user, printing very large text from Word comes out blank.

What the gently caress.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 14:47

Super Slash: Feb 20, 2006; You rang ?

nielsm posted:

What the gently caress.

Printers.txt

I had a user yesterday who couldn't print to a Xerox bypass tray, because whenever that printer was selected it wouldn't connect and cause Word etc to hang. Readding the printer didn't make any difference so I figured gently caress it just print to another printer... nope, sending to a Sharp bypass tray just keeps throwing up insert paper errors. Back to the Xerox for more loving around I just restart the machine and try again... document prints.

Something like 15 minutes just to print a loving letter.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 15:17

Daylen Drazzi: Mar 10, 2007; Why do I root for Notre Dame? Because I like pain, and disappointment, and anguish. Notre Dame Football has destroyed more dreams than the Irish Potato Famine, and that is the kind of suffering I can get behind.

PBS posted:

Anyone ever use Service Now as their ticketing system?

I did when I was a CJ at Kodak. Wasn't too difficult to deal with. I liked that it had a number of add-on modules that also did inventory and imaging. The two eight-hour sessions I had to attend online and via conference call were not so fun. Cubemate actually threw a stapler at me when I started snoring and forgot to mute my phone.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 15:18

Cool Dad: Jun 15, 2007; It is always Friday night, motherfuckers

I had an issue recently where a project had designed all their documents in Word using a particular font, but when they tried to print the documents various characters would be missing. Not all of them, just a handful throughout each page. This happened across multiple computers, Office 2010 and 2013, and Windows 7 and 8. One computer inexplicably seemed to work fine. the documents were fine if they converted them to PDF first.

Solution: convert the documents to PDF first, ticket closed.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 15:24

Gunjin: Apr 27, 2004; Om nom nom

PBS posted:

Anyone ever use Service Now as their ticketing system?

It's mostly ok, as long as t's configured correctly, except for with us the IS people who manage it have some sort of module fever, and keep rolling more poo poo into it. It went from tickets, to tickets and end user equipment requests (set up kind of like an online shop), to it now handles quotes and purchase orders. Except it isn't good at some of those things. It handles the ticket part fine, but the rest is a giant clusterfuck.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 15:38

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

Gilok posted:

I had an issue recently where a project had designed all their documents in Word using a particular font, but when they tried to print the documents various characters would be missing. Not all of them, just a handful throughout each page. This happened across multiple computers, Office 2010 and 2013, and Windows 7 and 8. One computer inexplicably seemed to work fine. the documents were fine if they converted them to PDF first.

Solution: convert the documents to PDF first, ticket closed.

gently caress font handling on printers. Any time the issue is a font being hosed up the answer is to tell Acrobat to print as an image, boom, solved.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 15:53

GnarlyCharlie4u: Sep 23, 2007; I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof

Super Slash posted:

Printers.txt

I had a user yesterday who couldn't print to a Xerox bypass tray, because whenever that printer was selected it wouldn't connect and cause Word etc to hang. Readding the printer didn't make any difference so I figured gently caress it just print to another printer... nope, sending to a Sharp bypass tray just keeps throwing up insert paper errors. Back to the Xerox for more loving around I just restart the machine and try again... document prints.

Something like 15 minutes just to print a loving letter.

I have a single user that whenever they try to print to a particular Xerox, Word crashes.

Now if you click "print" instead of hitting enter, it's fine.
No other users have this problem, not even on the computer in question.
This user does not have this problem on any other computer.

I've tried all sorts of other poo poo including every driver I can find.

:shrug:

# ? Feb 5, 2016 16:02

Nerdrock: Jan 31, 2006

Inspector_666 posted:

gently caress font handling on printers. Any time the issue is a font being hosed up the answer is to tell Acrobat to print as an image, boom, solved.

this is legit one of the hottest tips for support people. i've often considered options for automating that as a default setting for everyone.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 16:16

ConfusedUs: Feb 24, 2004; Bees?
You want fucking bees?
Here you go!
ROLL INITIATIVE!!

PBS posted:

Anyone ever use Service Now as their ticketing system?

We had a monster implementation of it that was ticketing and CRM and knowledgebase and god knows what else. It was, literally, the worst platform I've ever used when taken as a whole.

Dealing with any individual ticket was OK, I guess. It's kind of hard to gently caress up a series of dropdown menus, but even then it had quirks.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 16:48

Serfer: Mar 10, 2003; The piss tape is real

Nerdrock posted:

this is legit one of the hottest tips for support people. i've often considered options for automating that as a default setting for everyone.

This is great until someone tries to print a larger document and then complains that it's taking forever to print (because it became a 30gb print job).

# ? Feb 5, 2016 17:13

Inspector_666: Oct 7, 2003; _{benny with the good hair}

Serfer posted:

This is great until someone tries to print a larger document and then complains that it's taking forever to print (because it became a 30gb print job).

Yeah the caveat is that you do this for people printing text/headings on letter sized paper.

I would say if you are running print jobs where this becomes a problem though, you're probably in a field where it would behoove you to solve the root cause though.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 17:16

MrMojok: Jan 28, 2011

People in the office were complaining the printer was slow. I looked at the queue, and someone had sent a 666 (!) page job to it. To this printer:

loving accounting.

e: it was not a mistake. Dude really wanted to print 666 pages of accounting poo poo on here.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 17:35

thebigcow: Jan 3, 2001; Bully!

I've had endless problems with Word either ignoring special print settings or flat out not send anything to the print server with our two Toshiba MFPs.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 17:39

notwithoutmyanus: Mar 17, 2009

PBS posted:

Anyone ever use Service Now as their ticketing system?

It's basically Nagios in the form of a ticketing system: everything is customizable, scope is infinite, don't expect too much. It does have a useful API but people get it because woo ITIL, basically.

It is basically one part ticketing system, one part "define fields of information for people to put poo poo into" : you will want to define fields.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 17:52

KillHour: Oct 28, 2007

We use Service Now. It's okay, I suppose. Has some weird quirks. Could be a lot easier to search for stuff, IMO.

I guarantee we have it because ITIL. My boss is more in love with ITIL than he is with his wife.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 18:02

ConfusedUs: Feb 24, 2004; Bees?
You want fucking bees?
Here you go!
ROLL INITIATIVE!!

KillHour posted:

We use Service Now. It's okay, I suppose. Has some weird quirks. Could be a lot easier to search for stuff, IMO.

Searching was easily the worst thing with Service Now

# ? Feb 5, 2016 18:12

Judge Schnoopy: Nov 2, 2005; dont even TRY it, pal

Learned a new spam attack vector today. Human relayed spam.

Somebody spoofed one of our VP's addresses out to hundreds of random people. Our SPF records are in place so these spoofs all ended up in spam filters. Some people, however, took the message out of their spam filters and replied to them asking who the hell she was. The spoofer used our VP's address as a reply-to. The result is spam with malicious links sent from legitimate addresses making it through our filter and in to our VP's mailbox!

I'm actually impressed at the human engineering involved in today's security attack vectors. It's amazing how deep attackers need to go, and how they use unsuspecting dolts to do it.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 18:27

Orcs and Ostriches: Aug 26, 2010; The Great Twist

Had another good one come in. Around 4:00pm the other day (IT closes at 4:00) a ticket came in to the helpdesk. A classroom furnace broke down, so the class needs to move. We need to move the computer so the teacher can work first thing next morning.

I wasn't going to go in at 4:00, so the acting vice principal emailed both of us, and called the other tech panicking for it to get done. We ignored it and I went in the next morning to check it out, AVP still in a panick that it needs to get done. I get in, talk to the teacher, and she said why bother even move it. She said she can live without it for the next few days until the heat is fixed.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 18:48

Zero VGS: Aug 16, 2002; ASK ME ABOUT HOW HUMAN LIVES THAT MADE VIDEO GAME CONTROLLERS ARE WORTH MORE; Lipstick Apathy

Judge Schnoopy posted:

The spoofer used our VP's address as a reply-to. The result is spam with malicious links sent from legitimate addresses making it through our filter and in to our VP's mailbox!

Reply-to shenanigans are the only attacks we ever get anymore.

I've begged Microsoft Office 365 support to just put in some kind of loving option to block emails where the "From" doesn't match the "Reply-to", but they claim it's not possible.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 18:50

TWBalls: Apr 16, 2003; My medication never lies

nielsm posted:

Printer poo poo

I got a ticket not too long ago from HR about their printer not printing certain things. When I got there, she was attempting to print out some placeholders for an upcoming ceremony. They were to indicate the type of dish that person had ordered. Vegetarian, Fish or Filet Mignon. Apparently, the printer (HP Color laser 4600) is Pescatarian, because it would print the Vegetarian & Fish option, but flat out refused to print the Filet Mignon option.

She was finally able to get it to print by sending it to the Xerox in administration. :shrug:

# ? Feb 5, 2016 18:57

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

larchesdanrew posted:

Last I heard he's been on this issue for at least 48 straight hours at this point.

No solution in sight.

One of the anchors who has been there since the very beginning needed help with his computer.

He's seriously old as gently caress and does not give one single poo poo about anything.

Apparently, CE sat at his computer trying to fix his problem for over 2 hours and ended up not doing a single thing.

The anchor went off on him in front of the entire newsroom, telling him what a worthless piece of poo poo he is.

I feel kind of bad for him. He seriously has no idea how to computer and has always had someone under him to take care of everything while he pretends to be the big dog with all the answers.

Actually, I don't feel bad at all. This is loving hilarious and I feel real relief deep down in my soul.

Please tell us that it's now 3 days straight :allears:

# ? Feb 5, 2016 19:02

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 20:55

devmd01: Mar 7, 2006; Elektronik
Supersonik

oh god I pulled the string on a ticket from our marketing person requesting a csv of all employee email addresses, and now it's unraveling into me explaining how the gently caress SPF records work to marketing people from 3 different companies under our north american group and why they can't just pick any goddamn "from:" email address to use from one of our group's domains they please for their hosted mail marketing platform because it will get that domain blacklisted.

I really should just let poo poo go, but I care. :negative:

And i'm also not generating a list of email addresses every quarter for you to load into your mailing platform, gently caress you, I don't care if powershell makes that easy. You can send it to the all employees DL and i'll add the mail address to the authorized senders list.

# ? Feb 5, 2016 19:18

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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