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My tactic of selling off all my gear to invest in spears is repaid with instant death.
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Feb 8, 2016 06:35
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Three Wolf Moon Shirt has gone up to 11 kills, fully half his team's total, and more than a furry, farmer and two cows have ever managed collectively.
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Feb 8, 2016 10:02
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ZeeToo posted:Sorry, Snowshank; you might have won the fight by wiping out those two minotaurs, but you don't get credit. Yaaay, I'm helping! 
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Feb 8, 2016 11:25
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Spermy Smurf posted:Its the drat superbowl. Stop posting fights. You should personally run ZeeToo's team's fight ASAP. 
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Feb 8, 2016 11:27
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my dad posted:You should personally run ZeeToo's team's fight ASAP. Yeah, I'm on that. I forgot to run his last time so we had to wait an extra day. I'll run it today.
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Feb 8, 2016 14:48
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ZeeToo posted:Of course, Stephen is the current big threat. I'll take "things I never thought I'd hear" for 500, Alex.
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Feb 8, 2016 15:18
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 Round 9, Fight 4 The Plump Helmets is on the left side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields two copper spears and wears a bronze cap, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots. Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow is on the right side of the arena. Here comes Mongo! (Endorph) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, an iron mail shirt, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. ShortName (ZeeToo) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, a copper breast plate, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Face (Godna) is a male troll. He wields a copper two-handed sword and wears an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and silver high boots. Jakob (frankenfreak) is a male werewolf. He wields a bronze mace and wears a copper helm and leather armor.  The Plump Helmets is a 6.02 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 9034.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1500.00 dwarfbucks for Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow.  Dory and ShortName collide, both blocking blows from each other. Mongo is two strides away from the battle and watches as James plants his halberd in ShortName's side, spearing his liver! Josie slams her mace into the molemans stomach, bruising guts as well. ShortName is lucky he can't feel pain. ShortName responds to the abuse by sticking the pointy end of his stick into Dory's leg, sending the minotaur to the floor. Down south there are grabs, bruises, and armor deflections aplenty.  Dory, floored, somehow makes ShortName dodge away, and then the minotaur takes advantage of the plethora of targets and sends Face to the floor with a stabbed foot. James kicks ShortName in the already-chopped up liver. Face retaliates against Dory by stabbing her liver.  It's really too bad that Dory feels pain unlike the moleman who has this exact same injury. Panty Thief throws ShortName, and the moleman skids to a stop at Mongo's feet.  Josie is brutal. She sends moleman teeth flying across the arena while Jakob and Face try to break Dory's skull open. Jakob finally flattens her skull.  Top: Josie vs Jakob and Face (same tile) Middle: James vs Mongo Bottom: Panty Thief vs ShortName Josie darts forward and fractures the prone Face's skull. James sends one of Mongo's tusks flying into the air. Mongo is sick of Panty Thief grabbing him, so the troll charges the yeti and sends them both to the floor. James sends more of Mongo's teeth into the air and then plants his halberd into the trolls chest. More teeth go flying. Seriously, look at all the freaking teeth. Jakob the werewolf latches onto Josie's leg, and he shakes the elf violently. Josie won't be able to stand once she frees herself from his mouth.  James puts his halberd into Mongo's head and Mongo passes out from the pain. Panty Thief charges ShortName and both huge fighters tumble to the floor stunned. James removes Mongo's head moments later.   Face moves to help ShortName who was fighting 2 opponents for a moment. Things don't go very well for him. Face takes a halberd to the face, and then James takes off his head. It's now 3v2, Josie has a non-functioning leg, James and Panty Thief are basically unharmed. Jakob has a few bruises, and ShortName is a chopped up mass of wounds.  ShortName finally gets a blow against Panty Thief, splitting his hand wide open. A second blow moments later splits his foot in half, and the huge yeti passes out from pain. The fight has evened up very quickly! James plants his halberd into Jakobs paw, and the werewolf falls to the floor. And just like that it's uneven again. Jakob and Josie roll around on the floor, both unable to stand, both unable to cause serious injuries to the other. James stabs ShortName over and over, but armor protects the moleman who is focused on killing Panty Thief. 3, 4, 5 blows to the head... and then James Largesausage charges ShortName!  ShortName stands up quickly and Jakob comes to his teammates aid! By that I mean that Jakob lost an arm to James. But wait, whats this? Jakob willingly lost his arm from the looks of things! He's inside the halberds death-zone and bites James' thigh! He shakes the human around, ignoring blows from Josie that cause bruises to his back. Jakob pulls back to get a better grip and this time decides to bite James' eye! He shakes the human around by the eye and James passes out from pain immediately. ShortName finally gets through Panty Thief's skull and gets a kill. This match is now 2v2, with Josie prone in pain and faint from blood loss already. James is unconscious. Jakob is missing an arm, in severe pain, and grounded. ShortName hasn't acquired any new wounds but he's beat to poo poo already.  It took 9 blows for ShortName's spear to end James' life. In the meantime Josie latched on and attempted to shake Jakob with her teeth on his thigh. He ignores this and bites the back of her neck and whips her back and forth in his powerful jaws.  She bleeds out moments later.  Jakob  ShortName Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow wins in a brutal fight. Congtats Team 13! Also, that was a huge betting upset. Kills: Jakob: 2 ShortName: 2 James LargeSausage: 2 Combat Log Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 22:35 on Feb 8, 2016 |
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Feb 8, 2016 22:07
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Okay, finally done editing that fight. Previewing is for chumps.
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Feb 8, 2016 22:35
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James Largesausage, though defeated, claims 14 kills, just under half the Helmet total of thirty. The Heavyweight Horrorshow began the match with that many in total, though the victory raises them to eighteen kills.
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Feb 8, 2016 22:49
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my dad posted:Hm... I'm actually worried about our fight with Team13. It'll be interesting to see how this one pans out. Frankly you were the jinx here.
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Feb 9, 2016 00:15
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we finally did it boys all it took was every single one of mongo's teeth
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Feb 9, 2016 00:19
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Endorph posted:we finally did it boys And both tusks.
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Feb 9, 2016 00:48
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Figures we'd win in the round I forgot to bet on us. Spermy Smurf posted:Jakob pulls back to get a better grip and this time decides to bite James' eye! He shakes the human around by the eye and James passes out from pain immediately.
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Feb 9, 2016 01:01
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It was technically the eyelid, and the eye explodes into gore. I think thats what the combat log said anyway.
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Feb 9, 2016 01:06
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Loved it. Also, it appears that even trying to lose my money this round, I am none-the-less catapulted into wealth. 
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Feb 9, 2016 01:09
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Haha, wow.  I really, really did not expect to win that. Kudos to our MVP, my dad, for successfully invoking fundamental laws of narrative causality to give us our win.
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Feb 9, 2016 01:42
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NARRATIVE CAUSALITY!!! 
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Feb 9, 2016 03:57
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No, no. Narrative FATALITY
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Feb 9, 2016 04:00
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While I'm sad we lost, I'm not exactly surprised. The way this fight went is pretty much what I expected to happen.
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Feb 9, 2016 04:11
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With upsets like this, I'm surprised nobody is getting in on the 10:1 action in the next Team Laser Explosion battle
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Feb 9, 2016 06:56
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my dad posted:While I'm sad we lost, I'm not exactly surprised. The way this fight went is pretty much what I expected to happen. You are a prophet of doom.
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Feb 9, 2016 10:21
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Afriscipio posted:You are a prophet of doom. My secrets have been revealed! I must now open my third eye, to expand my gift of prophecy and find a way to solve this predicament... Yes, yes, I can see the future now! A religious fundamentalist will run for the president of the United States of America... There will be wars in the Middle East... Yesssss, I see it all! FYAD will make fun of dumb goons... There will be a racist thread posted in GBS... Tarn Adams will not make significant improvements to the Dwarf Fortress interface in the next 7 versions... Tomorrow will come after today... Noooo, the third eye is closing! It is now squinting into the future... In the last flash of light, I see... I see... Apeliminator will be eliminated...
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Feb 9, 2016 10:44
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Now do a prophecy about my fighter not being terrible and dying every god drat match.
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Feb 9, 2016 12:12
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Spermy Smurf posted:Now do a prophecy about my fighter not being terrible and dying every god drat match. I'm afraid my dad can only see the future of this reality.
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Feb 9, 2016 16:01
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jon joe posted:I'm afraid my dad can only see the future of this reality. 
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Feb 9, 2016 16:44
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my dad posted:In the last flash of light, I see... I see... Apeliminator will be eliminated... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0p-1YibE_KQ
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Feb 9, 2016 23:15
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Sorry for the delay, I should be able to get one or two tomorrow. But then again you've all heard me lie like that before.
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Feb 10, 2016 21:55
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Spermy Smurf posted:But then again you've all heard me lie like that before. No, that would imply that we actually pay attention to what you say.
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Feb 10, 2016 21:57
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Why has there not been a fortress LP for years?
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Feb 10, 2016 22:41
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Arglebargle III posted:Why has there not been a fortress LP for years? Oversaturation. Though I wouldn't say "years" since Bronzestabbed ended only slightly more than a year ago.
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Feb 10, 2016 22:44
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my dad posted:Oversaturation. Yeah, we need more time to let the game cool off for a bit.
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Feb 10, 2016 22:48
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my dad posted:Though I wouldn't say "years" since Bronzestabbed ended only slightly more than a year ago.
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Feb 11, 2016 04:35
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Pickled Tink posted:I'm still trying to get Leperflesh to get around to archiving it. I may have to resort to more presents. Pickled Tink bashes Leperflesh in the head with his present, bruising the guilt through the steel apathy!
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Feb 11, 2016 05:56
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Bruising the conscience surely. So how many managers have forgotten this thread exists and aren't bothering to update their fighters? Wondering if those who get knocked out after this phase will get a chance to pick up someone else from the teams that make it through.
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Feb 11, 2016 10:48
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I'll take over a fighter if managers are abandoning them. That's poor form
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Feb 11, 2016 11:25
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my dad posted:No, that would imply that we actually pay attention to what you say. I'm glad no one listens to me.
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Feb 11, 2016 22:29
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Maugrim posted:Bruising the conscience surely. If the site tracks activity per round to distribute extra points between rounds, then it could probably produce this kind of metric. I'm not posting often, but I thoroughly enjoy reading the fights.
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Feb 11, 2016 22:39
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Yes, that sort of thing is one of the things Jazzimus keeps an eye on, behind the scenes. Seriously, he does a lot that's not as visible; fights are so much smoother and easier to run than when tournaments started. At least one person this last round got an abandoned fighter. Keep an eye out; it happens, if irregularly.
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Feb 11, 2016 23:14
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Round 9, Fight 2 Team Laser Explosion is on the left side of the arena. Anthony (dasmause) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Mogwai (Dark Off) is a female gremlin. She wields a copper large dagger and a silver buckler and wears no armor. Molegrim (Maugrim) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, copper gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Turquoise Tonic (Hihohe) is a male human. He wields a silver mace and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots. Two Chicks with Dicks is on the right side of the arena. Suck & gently caress Pighead (Dirty Frank) is a female goblin. She wields a silver war hammer and wears no armor. Bo (Haystack) is a male human. He wields a bronze short sword and a wooden shield and wears a leather cap, leather armor, and leather high boots. Stumpy (Mygna) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper mail shirt. Richard Kyanka (Lorrdernie) is a male dark gnome. He wields a bronze large dagger and wears no armor.  Two Chicks with Dicks is a 3.04 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 2639.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 869.00 dwarfbucks for Team Laser Explosion.  Mogwai leads the charge like an idiot. 3 fighters on Two Chicks with Dicks swing at the small gremlin as they come into range. Suck and gently caress's blow is blocked, but Stumpy mutilates Mogwai's arm at the same time Bo sticks his sword into her liver. Mogwai passes out immediately.  Anthony, Molegrim, and Turquoise push the other team back from getting an immediate kill, but they receive the same treatment as Mogwai. Suck and gently caress brings her hammer down on Anthony's skull, fracturing it and stunning him. Richard Kyanka sends one of Molegrims arms flying through the air. Turquoise has his arm chopped wide open by Stumpy. Things are not going well for Team Laser Explosion.  Molegrim decides that he can't let the other team win without a fight, and he slams his spear into Suck and gently caress's arm at the same time he dodges Stumpy's charge. Stumpy slams into Suck and gently caress, both fall to the floor stunned. Turquoise Tonic takes advantage of the tangled gladiators on the floor to shatter Stumpy's spine. It's just a spine, no big deal. Bo takes off Mogwai's head.  Anthony and Turquoise Tonic fight back to back against three opponents while Molegrim chases Richard Kyanka down south. Down bottom: Molegrim can't catch the dodgey little gnome, but Richard Kyanka has no problems hitting the larger gladiator. Molegrims spear falls from his unresponsive hand. Up top: Suck and gently caress smashes Anthony in the ribs, his lung is bruised and he winces as he tries to breathe. Stumpy slams his axe into Turquoise's arm again, and then glances a blow off of Anthony's helmet. Anthony's bell was rung, and he looks woozy!  Suck and gently caress breaks his arm badly, and Anthony passes out. Bo can't get through armor on Turquoise, but his sword breaks ribs and Turquoise Tonic passes out from pain as well.  Bo takes off Turquoise's head while Richard Kyanka chops Molegrim's arm deeply again.  Suck and gently caress smashes Anthony's head open. As luck would have it (or was this planned?), Richard Kyanka has led Molegrim back to his teammates exactly as they killed the last opponent facing them.  It's 4v1. What do you think happens? Suck and gently caress breaks his bones, Stumpy spills his guts across the floor, Richard Kyanka stabs his lung.  Bo takes his head. Two Chicks with Dicks brutally murdered their opponents with ease for a 4-0 victory. Kills: Bo: 3 Suck and gently caress Pighead: 1 Combat Log Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 20:44 on Feb 12, 2016 |
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Feb 12, 2016 20:31
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That was metal as hell.
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Feb 12, 2016 20:51
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