RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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ChubbyThePhat: Dec 22, 2006; Who nico nico needs anyone else

Willfrey posted:

We had The Printer Room. It was a rite of passage. My boss/CEO/Doomsday Prepper had an out builidng on the property that he filled with random crap he bought at liquidation sales, estate auctions, craiglist 'steals' etc.

This out building was an old dormitory that had no power and was just used as storage, and he did a good job of filling it with crap. During my employment there MPC Computers went out of business and he went to their liquidation and came back with a truckload of crap. He had purchased a lot of office furniture and equipment that MPC had used in their own offices. I divided everything up, chairs here, cubicle parts there, old computers in this room, aaand old printers in that room, The Printer Room.

A few months later I was asked to go rustle up another HP 4050 ink cartridge, I go to the printer room and rummage around in the dark like an idiot, looking for the box. I open a bigger box and squint, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. I pulled an old antique porcelain-faced doll out of the box. It was filled with them. So I took them all out of the box and set them around the room, all facing the printer room entrance. Every fresh faced new guy got a taste of the twilight zone when I'd send them out on a bs printer errand.

This is amazing.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:44

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 01:35

nitrogen: May 21, 2004; Oh, what's a 217°C difference between friends?

I need a few of these stickers. And so do you.

# ? Feb 10, 2016 16:45

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

nitrogen posted:

I need a few of these stickers. And so do you.

Also comes on mugs and shirts: http://www.chriswatterston.com/shop

pr0digal fucked around with this message at 21:56 on Feb 10, 2016

# ? Feb 10, 2016 17:10

Lightning Jim: Nov 18, 2006; Just a mad weather-ologist

Are you sure they don't actually store in IN THE ~~BUTT~~ CLOUD?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GP0KDuzgBc

# ? Feb 10, 2016 18:29

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

oh hey remedy's down

quick, everybody scream "open a ticket" I've never heard that joke before

# ? Feb 10, 2016 20:28

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

Fellow engineer told a client that swapping a drive in an Nexsan E18 will require about an hour of downtime. I wish I was going to be there to see the look on his face when he finds out that swapping a drive is a five minute process and requires no downtime.

Or he's going to stop the StorNext volumes to swap a drive. Which would be equally as fun to watch. :allears:

# ? Feb 10, 2016 20:52

Wizard of the Deep: Sep 25, 2005; Another productive workday

pr0digal posted:

Fellow engineer told a client that swapping a drive in an Nexsan E18 will require about an hour of downtime. I wish I was going to be there to see the look on his face when he finds out that swapping a drive is a five minute process and requires no downtime.

Or he's going to stop the StorNext volumes to swap a drive. Which would be equally as fun to watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9SVhg6ZENw

# ? Feb 10, 2016 23:23

NFX: Jun 2, 2008; Fun Shoe

Our video conference meeting rooms are named after remote locations. I'm slightly amazed that it's not caused any confusion yet.

"Let's set up a meeting with London"
"Ok, where?"
"Let's see... New York is not free, so let's go with Stockholm".

# ? Feb 10, 2016 23:43

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

oh hey an e-mail from a recruiter let's see what we got today

quote:

Familiar with Unix (AIX and HP-UX), Windows 2008, VMWARE and AS400 operating systems

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:06

Aunt Beth: Feb 24, 2006; Baby, you're ready!; Grimey Drawer

Renegret posted:

oh hey an e-mail from a recruiter let's see what we got today

What's the position? That sounds like the list for a fairly standard architect or something for a mid-sized business that has a bit of everything and needs someone with enough knowledge of the bits to make good decisions about the environment as a whole.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:11

deimos: Nov 30, 2006; Forget it man this bat is whack, it's got poobrain!

Aunt Beth posted:

What's the position? That sounds like the list for a fairly standard architect or something for a mid-sized business that has a bit of everything and needs someone with enough knowledge of the bits to make good decisions about the environment as a whole.

quote:

Windows 2008.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:14

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

Aunt Beth posted:

What's the position? That sounds like the list for a fairly standard architect or something for a mid-sized business that has a bit of everything and needs someone with enough knowledge of the bits to make good decisions about the environment as a whole.

quote:

Title - Computer Operator
Duration - 6 month +

The reqs make it sound like a stereotypical one man IT department with 0 budget that this thread is so familiar with.

I'm not qualified or experienced enough to get recruiters looking for anything good, anyway.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:18

MiniFoo: Dec 25, 2006; ~~METH~~AMPHETAMINE

A ticket... hasn't come in. Today's been kinda quiet, and gently caress if I'm in the mood to proactively work on stuff. Not for the pay I get... so that's why I'm browsing Craigslist and gathering ammunition for my upcoming review to show my supervisors that my salary is horrendously low. I've been finding some great entertainment material along the way, though (emphases added):

quote:

Duties will include but not be limited to:

�Act as Tier 1 support to resolve local and remote-site PC hardware, software, smart phone and basic network problems. Support and troubleshoot printers, copiers, scanners and multi-function machines.
�Manage tickets throughout their lifecycle and provide excellent customer service to ensure user satisfaction with resolutions.
�Create and maintain procedural documentation.
�Mentor and train other support staff on technical issues.
�Act as technical lead for IS support-related applications including the ticketing system, antivirus, mobile email synching, and desktop patching.
�Assist with evaluating IT systems to recommend improvements, upgrades and infrastructure changes.
�Maintain collegial relationships with IT managers, staff and end users
�Participate in team meetings to plan and implement IT projects, and collectively resolve pending technical issues.

Qualifications:
�Minimum 8 years of PC support experience with an emphasis on troubleshooting desktop and laptop hardware, Windows compatible software and smartphones.
�Minimum 8 years of remote phone support experience and/or experience supporting multiple locations.
�BS/BA degree in Computer Science or a related field or equivalent experience strongly preferred
�High level of proficiency with Windows 7, Office Suite and Outlook.
�Basic knowledge of Windows Server and Active Directory.
�Experience with web conferencing software
�Ability to work independently with minimum supervision, and as part of a team.
�Ability to proactively and creatively resolve problems, recommend solutions, and work within the priorities of the department.
�Excellent analytical and decision-making skills.
�Highly self-motivated and resourceful.
�Excellent written and verbal communication and collaboration skills.
�Occasional work on evenings and weekends is required.
�Willingness to travel 1-2 times per year is required

compensation: $25-27/hr, full benefits
non-profit organization

quote:

We're looking for:

A motivated person with at least 1 year of experience providing software technical support in a professional environment. You know your way around Windows - workstations and servers - and know how to navigate OSX on a Mac without crying. You are organized, well-spoken, and care deeply about proper grammar. You've got "the gift of gab" and are comfortable talking tech with people from various professional backgrounds - print room operators, salespeople, help desk staff, accountants, CTOs, CFOs, and more. You love a challenge and take pride in coming up with creative solutions to solve problems, but are not afraid to ask for help to get issues resolved quickly.

quote:

ESSENTIAL RESPONSIBILITIES AND PRINCIPAL ACCOUNTABILITIES
Denotes "essential functions" in accordance with the guidelines of The Americans with Disabilities Act. The essential functions of this position include, but are not necessarily limited to, those specifically identified in this description. The position and its essential functions may change over time and these changes may not necessarily be reflected in the position description. The Company may, at its sole discretion, add to, change, or expand the essential or marginal functions of the position.
� Working knowledge of Windows 2K/XP platforms.
� Good problem solving skills for technical and software related issues.
� Strong attention to details a must.
� Ability to communicate effectively with technical and non-technical people.
� Self-motivated with great follow-up skills.
� Install and maintain hardware and peripheral components such as monitors, keyboards, printers and scanners on user's premises.
� Load and give training on approved software applications such as operating systems, Microsoft Office, in-house applications, etc.
� Respond to help desk calls, tickets and emails in a timely manner.
� Fix general computer problems or gather information for upper level support.
� Document each incident thoroughly in help desk ticket.
� Replace/repair defective hardware or damaged software packages.
� Create disk images for desktop and laptop computers.
� Give tutorials when necessary on how users access our systems remotely using OWA, VPN, and Citrix.
� Provide phone support to users, in home, office or traveling.
� Setup and install Avaya phone systems.
� Creating Active Directory and Exchange user accounts with a focus on security.

compensation: $65,000-$75,000

quote:

What We Offer:
-Exciting and never boring. A different job every day, at a different location, with different clients.
-Awesome coworkers. Including a dedicated help desk to support you with any remote issues.
-New shiny toys to play with. Learn and service new technologies in a variety of industries.
-Company-wide ticketing software to make your life easier. You submit it, we'll bill it.
-We have you covered. We offer reimbursement on your gas and parking as well as healthcare benefits.

What You Offer:
-You have been around the block. Minimum 4-5 years of professional experience as an IT technician in a business setting.
-You know how computers work and can troubleshoot beyond turning it off and on again. You have a basic understanding of networks and network principles with both Windows and Apple operating systems.
-You go with the flow. You are organized, flexible, and able to handle rapidly changing priorities.
-You don't leave your clients in the dark. Following up with clients is second nature to you.

quote:

Qualified applicants should apply if the following criteria is met:

� Be able to understand basic computer terminology and identify hardware and peripherals.
� Basic fundamentals of Windows operating systems.
� Be proficient with the Microsoft Office suite.
� Dress and act in a professional manner.
� Provide great customer service.
� This position requires the successful completion of a background check.

The starting pay is $10.00 per hour during training. Once training is completed pay will be $20 per hour.

The saddest part about that last one? It's still more than I currently make :smithicide:

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:20

18 Character Limit: Apr 6, 2007; Screw you, Abed;
I can fix this!; Nap Ghost

Renegret posted:

oh hey an e-mail from a recruiter let's see what we got today

quote:
Familiar with Unix (AIX and HP-UX), Windows 2008, VMWARE and AS400 operating systems

quote:
Title - Computer Operator
Duration - 666 month +

You won't trick me again, Lucifer!

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:20

DigitalMocking: Jun 8, 2010; Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin

MiniFoo posted:

A ticket... hasn't come in. Today's been kinda quiet, and gently caress if I'm in the mood to proactively work on stuff. Not for the pay I get... so that's why I'm browsing Craigslist and gathering ammunition for my upcoming review to show my supervisors that my salary is horrendously low. I've been finding some great entertainment material along the way, though (emphases added):

The saddest part about that last one? It's still more than I currently make

Dafuq? You need to :toot:

out of there fast, they're never going to pay you poo poo.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:50

FreshFeesh: Jun 3, 2007; Drum Solo

A Microsoft audit came in, less than one month after we took over running IT for a large local manufacturer.

Something tells me the old crew didn't like being replaced, and judging by the lack of documentation about this horde of VMs that are "essential," I'd bet my hat there are fishy things to be found.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 01:23

Methylethylaldehyde: Oct 23, 2004; BAKA BAKA

FreshFeesh posted:

A Microsoft audit came in, less than one month after we took over running IT for a large local manufacturer.

Something tells me the old crew didn't like being replaced, and judging by the lack of documentation about this horde of VMs that are "essential," I'd bet my hat there are fishy things to be found.

I'm betting tons of windows XP machines with a product key starting with FCKGW, and a bunch of Server 2008 instances bitching about activation, but the 30 day window never shrinking.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 01:30

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

MiniFoo posted:

A ticket... hasn't come in. Today's been kinda quiet, and gently caress if I'm in the mood to proactively work on stuff. Not for the pay I get... so that's why I'm browsing Craigslist and gathering ammunition for my upcoming review to show my supervisors that my salary is horrendously low. I've been finding some great entertainment material along the way, though (emphases added):

The saddest part about that last one? It's still more than I currently make

My new job is going $30AUD an hour and I'm the casual position. Run! Run far, screaming about cost of living as you disappear out the front door and over the horizon to a better life.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 01:37

AlexDeGruven: Jun 29, 2007; Watch me pull my dongle out of this tiny box

Methylethylaldehyde posted:

I'm betting tons of windows XP machines with a product key starting with FCKGW, and a bunch of Server 2008 instances bitching about activation, but the 30 day window never shrinking.

Too bad MS whacked FCKGW from their end. They should let random installs activate cleanly with that key just for shits and giggles.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 01:42

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

So I had to 'reimage' (we don't have images) my computer this morning due to Technical Difficulties (everything making GBS threads the bed), and because I'm an idiot that doesn't export to a network drive regularly I lost all the deployment scripting I'd spent the last three weeks doing. I'm so used to having everything sync to my butt that I didn't even think of it until after I'd reinstalled.

On the plus side, I guess, I get to restart with a formalised process for testing and production rather than writing everything as it's required.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 04:34

The Claptain: May 11, 2014; Grimey Drawer

We got a new client, so i remote to their DC to check some things.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 12:44

Judge Schnoopy: Nov 2, 2005; dont even TRY it, pal

Doctor Bombadil posted:

We got a new client, so i remote to their DC to check some things.

Whatever you're charging that client, it's not nearly enough.

MSPs should charge as much for printers as they do workstations, they will eat up as much if not more time than anything else.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 15:47

KillHour: Oct 28, 2007

Pfft. I just did a search for printers in AD.

Active Directory posted:

684 item(s) found

# ? Feb 11, 2016 15:56

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Doctor Bombadil posted:

We got a new client, so i remote to their DC to check some things.

"Uh... our network's not compatible with those printers, so you're going to have to replace them all with our recommended choices :pseudo:

# ? Feb 11, 2016 15:56

The Claptain: May 11, 2014; Grimey Drawer

Judge Schnoopy posted:

Whatever you're charging that client, it's not nearly enough.

MSPs should charge as much for printers as they do workstations, they will eat up as much if not more time than anything else.

They usually do eat up more time than other problems in my experiance.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

"Uh... our network's not compatible with those printers, so you're going to have to replace them all with our recommended choices ."

Recommended choice being "none"?

# ? Feb 11, 2016 16:13

Gothmog1065: May 14, 2009

I found out our organization has about 5000 PCs (Including a buttload of thinclients) and about 4000 printers. Is that enough or should we get more? 2 printers per PC perhaps?

# ? Feb 11, 2016 16:47

AlexDeGruven: Jun 29, 2007; Watch me pull my dongle out of this tiny box

Gothmog1065 posted:

I found out our organization has about 5000 PCs (Including a buttload of thinclients) and about 4000 printers. Is that enough or should we get more? 2 printers per PC perhaps?

You might. I mean, what happens if one of the printers shits the bed? If you have 2 printers at every desk, then you have good redundancy.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 16:51

GnarlyCharlie4u: Sep 23, 2007; I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof

AlexDeGruven posted:

You might. I mean, what happens if one of the printers shits the bed? If you have 2 printers at every desk, then you have good redundancy.

Psh, I raid 0 my printers.
Print jobs twice as fast :mmmsmug:

# ? Feb 11, 2016 16:56

Proud Christian Mom: Dec 20, 2006; READING COMPREHENSION IS HARD

i need a printer for printing BIG THINGS but I also need another printer incase im printing a big project on that printer and I need to print something else real quick

# ? Feb 11, 2016 16:56

KillHour: Oct 28, 2007

I use a 3D printer to make a new printer every time I need to print something.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 16:59

Wrath of the Bitch King: May 11, 2005; Research confirms that black is a color like silver is a color, and that beyond black is clarity.

What we really need is a 3D Printer that prints Printers.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 16:59

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Wrath of the Bitch King posted:

What we really need is a 3D Printer that prints Printers.

That was a futurama plot. It ended with an army of sub-atomic scaled nanobenders.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:14

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

You're not thinking grand enough.

We need a printer framework foundation, so when you need to print a document you build a printer factory factory which then builds you a printer factory specialized in manufacturing the type of printer you need. That factory then constructs the ideal printer for your print job.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:15

Gothmog1065: May 14, 2009

Collateral Damage posted:

You're not thinking grand enough.

We need a printer framework foundation, so when you need to print a document you build a printer factory factory which then builds you a printer factory specialized in manufacturing the type of printer you need. That factory then constructs the ideal printer for your print job.

We're still implementing with design, test, and build times, correct? It has to take at least a year to get the proper printer you need.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:31

Japanese Dating Sim: Nov 12, 2003; hehe; Lipstick Apathy

When will the cloud printing capabilities the market demands become a reality?

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:31

Gothmog1065: May 14, 2009

Japanese Dating Sim posted:

When will the butt printing capabilities the market demands become a reality?

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:32

Irritated Goat: Mar 12, 2005; This post is pathetic.

Collateral Damage posted:

You're not thinking grand enough.

We need a printer framework foundation, so when you need to print a document you build a printer factory factory which then builds you a printer factory specialized in manufacturing the type of printer you need. That factory then constructs the ideal printer for your print job.

What he doesn't tell you is you'd have to support all of it

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:35

A Frosty Witch: Apr 21, 2005; I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.

Wrath of the Bitch King posted:

What we really need is a 3D Printer that prints Printers.

I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating.

When I started this job, I was touring the robotics lab and there was a hand-made 3D printer that a student had made hooked up to a raspberry pi.

It was printing away and I asked what it was printing.

"3D Printer parts so we can make another 3D printer"

They were printing printers to print other printers.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:52

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

Isn't it the RepRap where one of the stated goals is that it should be able to reproduce all of its own plastic parts?

# ? Feb 11, 2016 17:57

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 01:35

AlexDeGruven: Jun 29, 2007; Watch me pull my dongle out of this tiny box

Lulzbot already makes a good portion of their plastic parts on their own printers. Was a really cool How It's Made about it.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 18:02

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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