FARTHOUSE 5: - sounds funny but ultimately you just shit your pants

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > FARTHOUSE 5: - sounds funny but ultimately you just shit your pants

«‹›195 »

JPrime: Jul 4, 2007; tales of derring-do, bad ~~and good~~ luck tales!; College Slice

ZenVulgarity posted:

Did you write HOOK EM HORNS on any question

It was computer-based, and all multiple choice. I did trace it with the mouse.

Sample question:

pre:

Select the 3 words in the list that have similar meanings:

OBTUSE
DENSE
CLEVER
INSIGHTFUL
LETHARGIC

# ? Feb 10, 2016 23:37

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 13, 2024 23:06

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Yeah, but what was your three cone drill time?

# ? Feb 10, 2016 23:38

JPrime: Jul 4, 2007; tales of derring-do, bad ~~and good~~ luck tales!; College Slice

Kalli posted:

Yeah, but what was your three cone drill time?

shameful

# ? Feb 10, 2016 23:39

whypick1: Dec 18, 2009; Just another jackass on the Internet

JPrime posted:

It was computer-based, and all multiple choice. I did trace it with the mouse.

Sample question:
pre:
Select the 3 words in the list that have similar meanings:

OBTUSE
DENSE
CLEVER
INSIGHTFUL
LETHARGIC

I was hoping the first letter of those would spell out "IDIOT" or something along those lines.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:32

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

Unless I forget, I'm going to find a good free wonderlic test at some point during the offseason and do a goon wonderlic thread. Self-reporting your score and see how you rank against some reported NFL player scores

# ? Feb 11, 2016 00:59

Cartoon Man: Jan 31, 2004; Can't post for 23 hours!

GNU Order posted:

Unless I forget, I'm going to find a good free wonderlic test at some point during the offseason and do a goon wonderlic thread. Self-reporting your score and see how you rank against some reported NFL player scores

Everyone will just put hook em horns.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 01:14

No Safe Word: Feb 26, 2005

Cartoon Man posted:

Everyone will just put hook em horns.

Any number answer will be 10

# ? Feb 11, 2016 01:33

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

# ? Feb 11, 2016 02:47

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

NC-17 posted:

I came

# ? Feb 11, 2016 02:51

will_colorado: Jun 30, 2007

Febreeze posted:

I should do something like that for other famous TFF posts

MY HEALTH WON'T ALLOW IT.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 04:41

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

will_colorado posted:

MY HEALTH WON'T ALLOW IT.

That's already a beautiful image

I kind of want to make a comic version of spherical breasts

# ? Feb 11, 2016 05:03

Magicpants: Sep 15, 2011; Certified Poster

Febreeze posted:

That's already a beautiful image

I kind of want to make a comic version of spherical breasts

don't do it, you'll drive yourself mad trying to create the perfect woman

I know from experience, years down the drain, it's impossible, they're always impure

# ? Feb 11, 2016 05:14

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

There's always one or two stray hairs left.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 05:16

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

JPrime posted:

Only tangentially FART-related, but I just got back from a job interview. The first thing I did when I arrived was take a Wonderlic test. 50 questions in 12 minutes that were apallingly easy..."Hook Em Horns" seems very sad now.

Wait, is that "Hook Em Horns" thing something that actually happened? People didn't make it up?

# ? Feb 11, 2016 05:37

Crunkjuice: Apr 4, 2007; That could've gotten in my eye!
*launches teargas at unarmed protestors*

I THINK OAKLAND PD'S USE OF EXCESSIVE FORCE WAS JUSTIFIED!

Patrick Spens posted:

Wait, is that "Hook Em Horns" thing something that actually happened? People didn't make it up?

Yes it's made up. VY is criminally stupid, but that wonderlic is fake.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 06:01

Qwijib0: Apr 10, 2007; Who needs on-field skills when you can dance like this?; Fun Shoe

Crunkjuice posted:

Yes it's made up. VY is criminally stupid, but that wonderlic is fake.

"c" at the end gets me every time

# ? Feb 11, 2016 06:22

Crunkjuice: Apr 4, 2007; That could've gotten in my eye!
*launches teargas at unarmed protestors*

I THINK OAKLAND PD'S USE OF EXCESSIVE FORCE WAS JUSTIFIED!

Qwijib0 posted:

"c" at the end gets me every time

It cracks me up too.

I can tell a story of a longhorn getting a 4 in a class as a final grade though. Cedric Benson took intro to piano (not an elective, but a freshman MUSIC MAJOR course), and somehow managed to get the one intro class taught by Martha Hilley, the coldest bitch of a professor I ever had. He of course didn't know this, and thought it would just be a blowoff elective class that fit into his schedule perfectly. Well Martha Hilley is awful, and gave absolutely 0 fucks that cedric was a super star football player and treated him like every other student she had. Cedric didn't realize this until after the final drop date of a class in which even the athletic program couldn't override that deadline, so he was stuck with it. He had no interest in learning piano, and as he had to display proficiency there weren't any nerds that could do his homework for him or tutor him. On his final exam, which was playing piano for Hilley, he played chopsticks with his two middle fingers because he hated her (justly so she's a coldhearted bitch) and walked out. She gave him a 25 on the final because he actually played a piece of music (in no way shape or form was the final), and ended up giving him a 4 as his final grade and flunked him. For reference, my final was chord progressions, two handed proficiency, and loving sight reading.

She told that story day one of class with pride.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 06:34

Ramadu: Aug 25, 2004; 2015 NFL MVP

Crunkjuice posted:

It cracks me up too.

I can tell a story of a longhorn getting a 4 in a class as a final grade though. Cedric Benson took intro to piano (not an elective, but a freshman MUSIC MAJOR course), and somehow managed to get the one intro class taught by Martha Hilley, the coldest bitch of a professor I ever had. He of course didn't know this, and thought it would just be a blowoff elective class that fit into his schedule perfectly. Well Martha Hilley is awful, and gave absolutely 0 fucks that cedric was a super star football player and treated him like every other student she had. Cedric didn't realize this until after the final drop date of a class in which even the athletic program couldn't override that deadline, so he was stuck with it. He had no interest in learning piano, and as he had to display proficiency there weren't any nerds that could do his homework for him or tutor him. On his final exam, which was playing piano for Hilley, he played chopsticks with his two middle fingers because he hated her (justly so she's a coldhearted bitch) and walked out. She gave him a 25 on the final because he actually played a piece of music (in no way shape or form was the final), and ended up giving him a 4 as his final grade and flunked him. For reference, my final was chord progressions, two handed proficiency, and loving sight reading.

She told that story day one of class with pride.

Thats hilarious :lol:

# ? Feb 11, 2016 07:08

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Crunkjuice posted:

It cracks me up too.

I can tell a story of a longhorn getting a 4 in a class as a final grade though. Cedric Benson took intro to piano (not an elective, but a freshman MUSIC MAJOR course), and somehow managed to get the one intro class taught by Martha Hilley, the coldest bitch of a professor I ever had. He of course didn't know this, and thought it would just be a blowoff elective class that fit into his schedule perfectly. Well Martha Hilley is awful, and gave absolutely 0 fucks that cedric was a super star football player and treated him like every other student she had. Cedric didn't realize this until after the final drop date of a class in which even the athletic program couldn't override that deadline, so he was stuck with it. He had no interest in learning piano, and as he had to display proficiency there weren't any nerds that could do his homework for him or tutor him. On his final exam, which was playing piano for Hilley, he played chopsticks with his two middle fingers because he hated her (justly so she's a coldhearted bitch) and walked out. She gave him a 25 on the final because he actually played a piece of music (in no way shape or form was the final), and ended up giving him a 4 as his final grade and flunked him. For reference, my final was chord progressions, two handed proficiency, and loving sight reading.

She told that story day one of class with pride.

I'm imagining her including the descriptions of her being a cold bitch while telling your class this.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 08:30

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Crunkjuice posted:

he played chopsticks with his two middle fingers because he hated her

this owns so hard

# ? Feb 11, 2016 14:35

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Speaking of which, my department at UD is working on a special project with the Athletic department and I keep asking the Athletic Director questions about what Joe Flacco is like

# ? Feb 11, 2016 14:56

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Crunkjuice posted:

It cracks me up too.

I can tell a story of a longhorn getting a 4 in a class as a final grade though. Cedric Benson took intro to piano (not an elective, but a freshman MUSIC MAJOR course), and somehow managed to get the one intro class taught by Martha Hilley, the coldest bitch of a professor I ever had. He of course didn't know this, and thought it would just be a blowoff elective class that fit into his schedule perfectly. Well Martha Hilley is awful, and gave absolutely 0 fucks that cedric was a super star football player and treated him like every other student she had. Cedric didn't realize this until after the final drop date of a class in which even the athletic program couldn't override that deadline, so he was stuck with it. He had no interest in learning piano, and as he had to display proficiency there weren't any nerds that could do his homework for him or tutor him. On his final exam, which was playing piano for Hilley, he played chopsticks with his two middle fingers because he hated her (justly so she's a coldhearted bitch) and walked out. She gave him a 25 on the final because he actually played a piece of music (in no way shape or form was the final), and ended up giving him a 4 as his final grade and flunked him. For reference, my final was chord progressions, two handed proficiency, and loving sight reading.

She told that story day one of class with pride.

This owns a lot

# ? Feb 11, 2016 15:13

SirPhoebos: Dec 10, 2007; WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

Crunkjuice posted:

It cracks me up too.

I can tell a story of a longhorn getting a 4 in a class as a final grade though. Cedric Benson took intro to piano (not an elective, but a freshman MUSIC MAJOR course), and somehow managed to get the one intro class taught by Martha Hilley, the coldest bitch of a professor I ever had. He of course didn't know this, and thought it would just be a blowoff elective class that fit into his schedule perfectly. Well Martha Hilley is awful, and gave absolutely 0 fucks that cedric was a super star football player and treated him like every other student she had. Cedric didn't realize this until after the final drop date of a class in which even the athletic program couldn't override that deadline, so he was stuck with it. He had no interest in learning piano, and as he had to display proficiency there weren't any nerds that could do his homework for him or tutor him. On his final exam, which was playing piano for Hilley, he played chopsticks with his two middle fingers because he hated her (justly so she's a coldhearted bitch) and walked out. She gave him a 25 on the final because he actually played a piece of music (in no way shape or form was the final), and ended up giving him a 4 as his final grade and flunked him. For reference, my final was chord progressions, two handed proficiency, and loving sight reading.

She told that story day one of class with pride.

And then the Bears drafted him :suicide:

# ? Feb 11, 2016 18:27

Crunkjuice: Apr 4, 2007; That could've gotten in my eye!
*launches teargas at unarmed protestors*

I THINK OAKLAND PD'S USE OF EXCESSIVE FORCE WAS JUSTIFIED!

DJExile posted:

this owns so hard

It was by far the best way he could have gone out of that class.

# ? Feb 11, 2016 18:28

the mean lunch lady: Jun 24, 2009; went mad at sea
lots were drawn
Kroenke didn't survive
he was delicious

Mel Mudkiper posted:

Speaking of which, my department at UD is working on a special project with the Athletic department and I keep asking the Athletic Director questions about what Joe Flacco is like

AND?

# ? Feb 11, 2016 18:33

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

JRizzle posted:

AND?

he just stared into the middle distance and muttered a single word under his breath

_{_Reckless...}

# ? Feb 11, 2016 18:41

3 DONG HORSE: May 22, 2008; I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

Crunkjuice posted:

It cracks me up too.

I can tell a story of a longhorn getting a 4 in a class as a final grade though. Cedric Benson took intro to piano (not an elective, but a freshman MUSIC MAJOR course), and somehow managed to get the one intro class taught by Martha Hilley, the coldest bitch of a professor I ever had. He of course didn't know this, and thought it would just be a blowoff elective class that fit into his schedule perfectly. Well Martha Hilley is awful, and gave absolutely 0 fucks that cedric was a super star football player and treated him like every other student she had. Cedric didn't realize this until after the final drop date of a class in which even the athletic program couldn't override that deadline, so he was stuck with it. He had no interest in learning piano, and as he had to display proficiency there weren't any nerds that could do his homework for him or tutor him. On his final exam, which was playing piano for Hilley, he played chopsticks with his two middle fingers because he hated her (justly so she's a coldhearted bitch) and walked out. She gave him a 25 on the final because he actually played a piece of music (in no way shape or form was the final), and ended up giving him a 4 as his final grade and flunked him. For reference, my final was chord progressions, two handed proficiency, and loving sight reading.

She told that story day one of class with pride.

This story is literal fArt

# ? Feb 12, 2016 02:56

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

JRizzle posted:

AND?

He is Febreeze's comics

# ? Feb 12, 2016 03:24

Top Hats Monthly: Jun 22, 2011; People are people so why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully blink blink recall STOP IT YOU POSH LITTLE SHIT

I got a text today of a "Funny comic" my dad sent me

It was the Cam Newton vs Peyton's deputies.

GJ Febreeze

# ? Feb 12, 2016 19:13

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Febreeze I appreciate you giving Bill Walton proper recognition but smh on no wilt and saying Thomas was the heart and soul of the bad boys

http://uproxx.com/dimemag/nba-logos-as-all-stars/

# ? Feb 12, 2016 20:14

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

That Dwight Howard was uncanny.

I'd have known that was a drawing of Dwight without the context.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 20:21

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

Should've gone with Alex English for the Nuggets
:goonsay:

# ? Feb 12, 2016 20:51

AradoBalanga: Jan 3, 2013

Metapod posted:

Febreeze I appreciate you giving Bill Walton proper recognition but smh on no wilt and saying Thomas was the heart and soul of the bad boys

http://uproxx.com/dimemag/nba-logos-as-all-stars/

What, no David Robinson for the Spurs?

# ? Feb 12, 2016 23:13

The X-man cometh: Nov 1, 2009

Barkley looks much more like the Suns' logo than Nash ever could.

# ? Feb 12, 2016 23:23

shirts and skins: Jun 25, 2007; Good morning!

Metapod posted:

Febreeze I appreciate you giving Bill Walton proper recognition but smh on no wilt and saying Thomas was the heart and soul of the bad boys

http://uproxx.com/dimemag/nba-logos-as-all-stars/

Aw I know you were rubbing it in but I was really happy you included the Sonics/the Glove. :3:

AradoBalanga posted:

What, no David Robinson for the Spurs?

Uhhh. Duncan may be the greatest power forward of all time, and he's already played 5 more seasons than Robinson.

shirts and skins fucked around with this message at 00:00 on Feb 13, 2016

# ? Feb 12, 2016 23:57

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Spurs should be Kawhi, imo

# ? Feb 13, 2016 01:10

Qwijib0: Apr 10, 2007; Who needs on-field skills when you can dance like this?; Fun Shoe

I would, in fact, like to take you out back and yell WHY NOT STEVE NASH.

# ? Feb 13, 2016 03:16

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Qwijib0 posted:

I would, in fact, like to take you out back and yell WHY NOT STEVE NASH.

Because Steve Nash is a Mav, bitch.

# ? Feb 13, 2016 04:07

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Your Kings writeup is quite rude

(But fair).

# ? Feb 13, 2016 04:15

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 13, 2024 23:06

JPrime: Jul 4, 2007; tales of derring-do, bad ~~and good~~ luck tales!; College Slice

So I got the job at the Wonderlic place. :boom:

Does that make me officially smarter than Vince Young?

# ? Feb 13, 2016 04:52

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > FARTHOUSE 5: - sounds funny but ultimately you just shit your pants

«‹›195 »