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Feb 23, 2016 02:43
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:birnget:
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Feb 23, 2016 15:48
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Gentlemen, let me say first: don't blame me, I voted for van Buren. Second, let me say: I found myself glad of Harrison's victory, for on his inauguration day, the first crate of hard cider appeared at my door. The next few weeks of winter I spent in the company of Bacchus, where I joined with several fellow travelers in attempting to make a log cabin out of the wood of leftover cider crates. Alas, it was winter, and it was not long before several of my new friends had drunkenly attempted to bed down in nearby snow drifts and expired from the cold. Then one awful afternoon I awoke to discover a hangover that the Almighty had previously only used in the Old Testament to smite fornicators of dogs with. Bacchus and his lovely nymphs had gone, and William Henry Harrison was dead. I recovered from my hangover inside of a week (servants and their homemade scotch broth are wonderful things) the nation had to endure a much longer hangover then my hard cider mental impactment - the Presidency of that incipient Napoleon, John Tyler. Sadly, no amount of scotch broth could heal the actions of a man willing to make the nation destitute on the cowardly fear that a national bank might undermine state's rights. But friends, Tyler is soon to be shown the door, a guest who has vastly overstayed his welcome, and we must once again consider who should lead our most glorious republic. Polk I admire. He is a man of vision. His interest in expanding this great nation is a fine one. Yes, let the border of Oregon be 58 degrees North. By all means, let us look to extend our domains south, over Mexico, Cuba, and her wretched papist inhabitants. There is nothing more American than going out into God's country, claiming a swath of it, burning down the forests your claimed swath has to discourage wolves and owls, and shooting anybody who objects. It is what made this nation great. Indeed, the educated among you will be familiar with Mr. John Locke, a English Philosopher who was no small influence on the founding fathers. He maintained that the only responsible way to improve land is by the method of private property and ownership, and that such a system was viable in the long term exclusively because the lands in the new world were all but infinite. Gentlemen, by all means, we must continue to act in this way! For the implications if Mr. Locke was wrong are grim, indeed. Now, despite his virtue, I must drop Polk, as if he were a large toad that just defecated on my hand. For his ideas are fine, but they can also, ultimately, wait. Henry Clay represents an opportunity, friends. A shining moment when the fox has yet to be tossed. When a beautiful maid of Portugal does not yet realize you do not share her papist delusions. When the red man has left the piece of land to go hunting, and does not know a fence will block his return. Henry Clay represents our opportunity to deal the octopus of Catholicism the sharpest blow it had yet received in the new world. Our nation was founded on free speech, freedom of thought, and religious tolerance, and therein lies its flaw. It allows the cryptic nonsense of the old world purchase upon our shores, and allows the infiltration of sinister cabals of virgin-worshiping lain-speakers to wind its way into our towns and cities. These people care naught for our great nation; indeed, they see it as a threat. For you see, they hate freedom, especially freedom of conscience, and the freedom to speak to God directly, rather than through the intermediary of a parasitic priesthood. As soon as they can manage the power, they will enact laws forcing all good Protestants into their churches, and force us to eat fish on Fridays, and a thousand other evils. They talk of religious freedom, and civil liberties, but friends, do not be deceived! They use their talk of rights to deny us ours, so we must preemptively deny them theirs. Henry Clay and his running mate, Theodore Freling-hay-son, erm, Freling-hay-sin, see the threat to lady liberty, her virtue menaced by the papist octopus. True gentlemen, they have stepped forward and drawn steel to guard our good lady from unspeakable inky-tentacle rape. Clay, a veritable golem of virtue, cannot be distracted by Papacy's charming gaze, nor by its blasphemous fire. Frelingson, an evangelical of great wisdom, sees the war on the Pope's agents in this nations as the highest priority. He hopes to re-educate them, as he hopes to re-educate the red man, back to God's light and civilization's ways, a noble a goal as any ever proposed in an election year. Such a party, Clay the incorruptible golem, and Frelinghay, the helophant of light, could not possibly fail to defeat the agents of the twisted pope on his dark throne in Rome. Send a message to papists everywhere: that their days of skulking in the shadows and rejecting our advances just because we hate their religion are numbered! Gentlemen! VOTE HENRY CLAY, GOLEM OF LIBERTY!
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Feb 23, 2016 17:58
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frelinghuysen's great-great-great-nephew is in Congress right now incidentally, the family has been part of American politics since colonial times. apparently the modern one's mom brought some of the procter and gamble fortune into the equation. and people think the clintons are a political dynasty (the wife and husband thing holding same office has happened in lower offices before incidentally, usually as a way of appointing a non controversial replacement for a guy who dies in office but i think some have been power couples too and i think at least one of those widows turned out to be a drat good politician and won elections in her own right)
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Feb 23, 2016 20:48
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Actually, I think I figured out how to tie our decisions with the reset of the timeline. We're a dark cabal that makes its decisions and attempts to see that man elected, but... we're awful at actually doing it. The Keystone Kops of secret organizations.
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Feb 23, 2016 22:46
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foobardog posted:Actually, I think I figured out how to tie our decisions with the reset of the timeline. We're a dark cabal that makes its decisions and attempts to see that man elected, but... we're awful at actually doing it. The Keystone Kops of secret organizations. Half the third-party dudes do not actually even want the office it seems
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Feb 23, 2016 22:52
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The freemasonry is coming from inside the thread!
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Feb 23, 2016 23:05
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foobardog posted:Actually, I think I figured out how to tie our decisions with the reset of the timeline. We're a dark cabal that makes its decisions and attempts to see that man elected, but... we're awful at actually doing it. The Keystone Kops of secret organizations. Hey, we got Adams elected that one time! And his son, too! 
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Feb 23, 2016 23:21
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foobardog posted:Actually, I think I figured out how to tie our decisions with the reset of the timeline. We're a dark cabal that makes its decisions and attempts to see that man elected, but... we're awful at actually doing it. The Keystone Kops of secret organizations. Yeah, that's us: Order of the Cincinnati What we really need is a college of electors both to enforce our will, and to keep unbelievable idiots from getting elected.
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Feb 24, 2016 00:10
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Thump! posted:Hey, we got Adams elected that one time! And his son, too! I missed realizing we actually matched! So yeah, gentlemen, we need to find another Adams. Search the land for the golden child.
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Feb 24, 2016 00:12
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Also being a "dark cabal" doesn't jive with our opinion on Freemasons.
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Feb 24, 2016 00:13
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Corek posted:Also being a "dark cabal" doesn't jive with our opinion on Freemasons. Sure it does, we just don't like that other cabal
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Feb 24, 2016 00:16
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Corek posted:Also being a "dark cabal" doesn't jive with our opinion on Freemasons. We're against the Freemasons because they're doing what we're doing but winning! The worst!
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Feb 24, 2016 00:16
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Goons and the Freemasons, waging a secret war across the centuries.
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Feb 24, 2016 00:24
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I think the goon cabal's goals are mostly to cause chaos
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Feb 24, 2016 00:31
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Lycus posted:Goons and the Freemasons, waging a secret war across the centuries. Nothing is goon, everything is permitted.
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Feb 24, 2016 00:34
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It'd kinda suck to have to be a member of a shadowy cabal that's always failed at everything just because your father and your grandfather and your great-grandfather, going back to the first term of George Washington were members.
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Feb 24, 2016 00:35
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Nebakenezzer posted:VOTE HENRY CLAY, GOLEM OF LIBERTY!  Pictured, Speaker Clay emerging from a Papist monster-beast.
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Feb 24, 2016 01:09
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MMM Whatchya Say posted:Sure it does, we just don't like that other cabal So we're the... Slavewrights? Libersmiths?
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Feb 24, 2016 01:22
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foobardog posted:I missed realizing we actually matched! So yeah, gentlemen, we need to find another Adams. Search the land for the golden child. I hear there's some coming up that like Free Soil and Bourbon.
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Feb 24, 2016 02:53
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Corek posted:Also being a "dark cabal" doesn't jive with our opinion on Freemasons. It's merely to distract the masses who think they've killed us off.
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Feb 25, 2016 13:38
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foobardog posted:I missed realizing we actually matched! So yeah, gentlemen, we need to find another Adams. Search the land for the golden child. FDR is gonna have like 8 goddamned terms in office 
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Feb 25, 2016 13:47
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Birney/Morris '44.
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Feb 25, 2016 17:06
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Thump! posted:FDR is gonna have like 8 goddamned terms in office Adlai Stephenson becomes the force of destiny he was always meant to be. I mean, the dude ruled, look what he was saying publicly in the 19 fuckin' 50s: 
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Feb 25, 2016 17:28
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Nebakenezzer posted:Adlai Stephenson becomes the force of destiny he was always meant to be. I mean, the dude ruled, look what he was saying publicly in the 19 fuckin' 50s: My favorite apocryphal quote to him: "Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!" "That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!" Completely 100% correct.
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Feb 25, 2016 17:40
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Nebakenezzer posted:Adlai Stephenson becomes the force of destiny he was always meant to be. I mean, the dude ruled, look what he was saying publicly in the 19 fuckin' 50s: Well, I am sold. Cat/Other Cat for President.
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Feb 26, 2016 03:39
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GreyjoyBastard posted:Well, I am sold. 
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Feb 26, 2016 19:29
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oystertoadfish posted:(the wife and husband thing holding same office has happened in lower offices before incidentally, usually as a way of appointing a non controversial replacement for a guy who dies in office but i think some have been power couples too and i think at least one of those widows turned out to be a drat good politician and won elections in her own right) yeah, wikipedia has a decent article. it calls out especially margaret chase smith (prominent anti-mccarthyist, first woman to have her name formally considered at a republican nominating convention) and edith rogers (established the WAAC/women's army corps, co-sponsored a bill to allow 20,000 jewish refugees into the us in 1939 and, later, the first GI bill). good times
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Feb 26, 2016 20:11
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Will we be able to elect Nixon in 1960, 1968 and 1972 giving him potentially three terms?
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Feb 26, 2016 22:25
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Harold Stassen posted:Will we be able to elect Nixon in 1960, 1968 and 1972 giving him potentially three terms? Only if we have the strength of will to do so
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Feb 26, 2016 23:07
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I'm definetely gonna vote Nixon in 1952, 1960, 1968 and 1972. He's got what it takes to become the second longest serving president after Eugene Debs.
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Feb 26, 2016 23:25
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Harold Stassen posted:Will we be able to elect Nixon in 1960, 1968 and 1972 giving him potentially three terms? no you god drat will not
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Feb 27, 2016 00:05
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Harold Stassen posted:Will we be able to elect Nixon in 1960, 1968 and 1972 giving him potentially three terms? think larger 
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Feb 27, 2016 00:16
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Long Live Nixon! He's A Liberal By Modern Standards!©
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Feb 27, 2016 00:17
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If you ever wanted to pretend that you were a presidential candidate and test your ability to win over voters, American History USA has been posting past elections in the form of browser games. Recently, they've added the Election of 1844 to the collection, allowing you can campaign as an anti-expansionist Polk or a slightly less racist Clay. Unfortunately, the game does not yet let you Birn it down. Right now, it's filling the "You are LBJ" sized hole in my heart. 
QuoProQuid has issued a correction as of 19:29 on Feb 27, 2016 |
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Feb 27, 2016 19:11
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  I didn't do so well...
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Feb 27, 2016 20:21
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QuoProQuid posted:Recently, they've added the Election of 1844 to the collection, allowing you can campaign as an anti-expansionist Polk or a slightly less racist Clay. Unfortunately, the game does not yet let you Birn it down. Now that you mention it: I read in your write-up of Clay that he played up his anti-catholic credentials because of his views on Native Americans would make him seem 'soft' in the south? Was he not racist enough on this issue or something? I'm just curious how racist Clay actually was. PS> Henry Clay managed to deny Andrew Jackson the Presidency in 1824. In the so called 'corrupt bargain'.  HENRY CLAY, GOLEM OF LIBERTY PPS> Is James Polk literally the devil? The answer may surprise you.
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Feb 27, 2016 20:30
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Nebakenezzer posted:Now that you mention it: I read in your write-up of Clay that he played up his anti-catholic credentials because of his views on Native Americans would make him seem 'soft' in the south? Was he not racist enough on this issue or something? I'm just curious how racist Clay actually was. Nativism and the Indian Removals were two unrelated issues, but were popular in different parts of the South. States like Maryland, Delaware, and Virginia had large anti-Catholic populations who were afraid that they would be overrun by immigrants. Along the frontier, in states like Kentucky, Tennessee, and Mississippi, the Indians were widely feared and hated because of their occasional raids and for blocking expansion. In 1829, Henry Clay decided to present himself as a defender of the natives, possibly to rally Northerners against Jackson. Though he believed the Indians to be inferior, Clay argued that the federal government had a "moral responsibility" to treat them humanely and claimed that the Native Americans had equal rights under the Constitution. Whatever his motives, his speeches on Indian rights permanently cratered his popularity along the Western frontier and made Clay an easy target for Jacksonian Democrats. With Clay's decision to also come out against Texas's annexation, which was popular across the entire South, Clay needed some issue that would at least make him competitive in the South. Nativism turned out to be that issue. It alienated very few Northerners and seemed to be rapidly growing as a movement, just as the Anti-Masonic Party had done a decade earlier. Clay spent his entire career as a pragmatist. I doubt he had any real hatred towards the Indians or Catholics. It was just politically convenient.
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Feb 27, 2016 21:02
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Nebakenezzer posted:PPS> Is James Polk literally the devil? The answer may surprise you. That's because the answer is actually no, but James Polk has expressed his willingness to be a vessel for the Devil (alias Andrew Jackson) on a number of occasions relating to his presence in the White House. Let not Mr. Jackson's anger addled spirit step through the American threshold. Vote Henry Clay.
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Feb 27, 2016 21:05
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 15:52 |
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Just lost as Dukakis vs Bush Sr. in 1988 - 279 to 259 though so put up a good fight considering the real life results. Despite picking John Glenn as a running mate and campaigning there several times I lost in Ohio 50% to 48%, which would've swung it for me. Fun game though, now to try out all the other years. Thanks for the link.
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Feb 27, 2016 21:12
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