RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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Greatbacon: Apr 9, 2012; by Pragmatica

Segmentation Fault posted:

The first Halo was pretty drat fun on PC.

Halo, Half-Life, and Warcraft 3 were the big games floating around my highschool.

Halo & Half-Life were stashed in a directory somewhere deep in the network but they got nuked at some point my sophomore year.

By the time senior year rolled around though, everyone had a flash drive. So everyone just had a copy of Warcraft 3 on theirs. That poo poo spread faster than herpes in a whorehouse. :getin:

# ? Mar 1, 2016 19:32

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# ? May 20, 2024 16:29

TITTIEKISSER69: Mar 19, 2005; SAVE THE BEES
PLANT MORE TREES
CLEAN THE SEAS
KISS TITTIESS

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

So a ticket came in...
I'm sorry for the wall of text, but it's worth the read.

Edit: included the inline videos.
And there's a bunch of pictures of ladies in bikinis and some celebrities that I'm not going to bother re-hosting and linking.

Upload the .eml/.msg to DropBox or someplace.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 19:41

Judge Schnoopy: Nov 2, 2005; dont even TRY it, pal

Hmmmm three months paid training you say...

# ? Mar 1, 2016 19:49

GnarlyCharlie4u: Sep 23, 2007; I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof

Wilford Cutlery posted:

Upload the .eml/.msg to DropBox or someplace.

Nope, sorry.
There's a bunch of emails included that really shouldn't be posted on the interwebs. Also some of the pictures are personal information like the guy's SSN card, VOIDED checks, direct deposit form, etc...
I'd say about half the pictures are Rahm Emmanuel, though.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:01

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

Rahm Emanuel

What the gently caress. I read the first like 5 lines of that email, how does Our Glorious Mayor fit into that?

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:08

Judge Schnoopy: Nov 2, 2005; dont even TRY it, pal

MF_James posted:

What the gently caress. I read the first like 5 lines of that email, how does Our Glorious Mayor fit into that?

Emanuel is part of a conspiracy of androids and clones to control a spider dual-brain creeping further into society to oppress us, and specifically to hold this guy's family hostage.

But don't worry, if Emanuel reads the email this guy is going to sue him to oblivion with a court of clones and androids which will be a big surprise to the clone jury!

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:10

pixaal: Jan 8, 2004; All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Judge Schnoopy posted:

Emanuel is part of a conspiracy of androids and clones to control a spider dual-brain creeping further into society to oppress us, and specifically to hold this guy's family hostage.

But don't worry, if Emanuel reads the email this guy is going to sue him to oblivion with a court of clones and androids which will be a big surprise to the clone jury!

How does someone get this far gone?

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:12

Segmentation Fault: Jun 7, 2012

RE: A ticket came in: ORGASM THE INTELLIGENCE INTO MY BRAIN THROUGH A BIOCHIP CONNECTED TO MY DICK

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:17

unclenutzzy: Jun 6, 2007

I thought the SMILE poo poo was hilarious. Then I kept reading, saw how long it was and began to wonder so I Googled his name. That man is legitimately insane and I feel kind of bad now.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:23

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

unclenutzzy posted:

I thought the SMILE poo poo was hilarious. Then I kept reading, saw how long it was and began to wonder so I Googled his name. That man is legitimately insane and I feel kind of bad now.

I went from 'phishing scam' to 'funny parady of a phishing scam' to :stare:

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:31

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

unclenutzzy posted:

I thought the SMILE poo poo was hilarious. Then I kept reading, saw how long it was and began to wonder so I Googled his name. That man is legitimately insane and I feel kind of bad now.

It sounds like his wife left him and he went completely off the deep end.

quote:

ALOT OF THE F1 SUPER AGENTS WILL END UP PREGNANT SKY DIVING INTO HOSTILE SCRAP YARDS.

THERE IS NOTHING MORE FUN THAN BEING 7 MKONTHS PREGNANT AND PARACHUTING INTO A JUNK YARD. YOU GET PAID TO SURPRISE PEOPLE THAT OWN USED TIRES, AND JUNK YARDS. AS AN EMPLOYERS I TRY TO CAUSE A WOW AFFECT ON THOSE THAT IWANT TO HAVE SELL ME THEIR GARBAGE,

And I think I might know why the wife left.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:31

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

So a ticket came in...
I'm sorry for the wall of text, but it's worth the read.

quote:
CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THE SURPRISED JURISTS.

Sure can, good buddy :unsmith:

pixaal posted:

How does someone get this far gone?

Schizophrenia is a hell of a thing. It's not all smiles though.

quote:

I AM PRETTY SURE, IN A JURY TRIAL OF MY PEERS, BRINGING INTO THE COURTROOM THE LOOK ALIKES OF MARK WEAVER AND HIS BROTHERS, BRUCE HANIFY AND HIS BROTHERS, MY FAMILY AND THE CLONES OF MY SONS AND MY WIFE AND STEPDAUGHTER.

...

FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS AND 8 MONTHS, FOR THE LAST 1698 DAYS I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO EMBRACE MY SONS, BECUASE PERSONS HAVE BEEN PAID TO TORTURE MYSELF AND MY FAMILY. I HAVE EMAILED
THE DUE PROCESS VIOLATING PROTECTIVE ORDER TO BILLIONS OF PEOPLE, I HAVE INFORMED EVERY OATH AND EVERY BADGE IN THE NATION THAT I DID NOT WANT TO SLEEP IN A HOMELESS SHELTER, I WANTED TO SLEEP IN A HOTEL, I WANTED MY ATTORNEYS, MY MONYE, MY INHERITANCE, I
WANTED MY LAWSUITS, AND MY INVESTORS.

Don't forget that this was a normal guy with a family, and he has been reduced to a gibbering mess by mental illness.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:33

ponzicar: Mar 17, 2008

To give him credit, I'm sure that signing up to be a secret agent, only to find yourself working as a junkyard's security guard would be a very funny movie or tv show plot.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:40

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

ponzicar posted:

To give him credit, I'm sure that signing up to be a secret agent, only to find yourself working as a junkyard's security guard would be a very funny movie or tv show plot.

No, you airdrop pregnant women into junkyards to distract the security guards while he steals everything.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:47

JohnnyCanuck: May 28, 2004; Strong And/Or Free

A ticket came in! Client is having an issue with a specific report for their web-based ticketing system. This often means that the data in one of their DB tables has somehow been corrupted. Welp, reasonably simple fix. We asked the client to stop Tomcat on their webserver last night to prevent incoming connections in order to take a SQL backup of their DB. At that point, they can run a script we've prepared to clean out the table.

What the client's "admin" actually did:

1. Logged on to the webserver
2. Updated Java*
3. Tried to copy C:\Program Files to... somewhere?
4. Called that a "backup"
5. Did... something... with the prepared script. We're still not sure what.

*_{...and when I say "updated Java", I mean installed a brand new JDK. Without reconfiguring Tomcat to use the new JDK/JRE variables.}

We only found out about all this this morning after they'd already been down for 3 hours. Then we got this wonderful email from their CIO

quote:

Based upon the information received this morning a JAVA update needed to be performed prior backing up our database. <$OUR_"ADMIN"> communicated that she attempted to perform this process last night an was unsuccessful. When attempting this morning, the process disabled all users in the organization.

Our team is unaware of what potential updates will affect the Apache Tomcat server when attempting to perform a restart of services.

<$OUR_"ADMIN"> with the assistance of <$YOUR_SUPPORT_DESK> will be responsible for performing the updates once we are aware of them. There is no way of knowing of the update until the service has been stopped and tried to be restarted and receive the error unfortunately.

Oh hell no. No no no. You aren't throwing us under the bus on your admin's mistake. I quickly drafted a reply to their CIO

quote:

1) The instructions sent to <$YOUR_"ADMIN">, and then confirmed to her verbally, absolutely do not mention performing any kind of a Java upgrade. In a server environment, Java should be configured (and was so done during the initial installation) so that it does not upgrade automatically, and so either it was misconfigured by one of your resources or an update was triggered manually by one of your resources.

2) We received no communications from <$YOUR_"ADMIN"> last night. I have verified in our received email and call logs, and nothing was sent to us. We can't assist if we don't know there's a problem!

3) We cannot be responsible for updates/upgrades in YOUR server environment: we can advise ahead of time if YOUR server administrator requests it of us, but such upgrades are beyond the scope of your support package, and absolutely the responsibility of the server administrator.

I hope this information helps,
JohnnyC

(Again, we're support for a particular software ticketing/ITSM suite. We're not an MSP.)

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:51

Segmentation Fault: Jun 7, 2012

Kurieg posted:

No, you airdrop pregnant women into junkyards to distract the security guards while he steals everything.

Imagine the look on the face of the double-brained spider-body of Ramm Emannuel.

# ? Mar 1, 2016 20:53

Dick Trauma: Nov 30, 2007; God damn it, you've got to be kind.

Segmentation Fault posted:

RE: A ticket came in: ORGASM THE INTELLIGENCE INTO MY BRAIN THROUGH A BIOCHIP CONNECTED TO MY DICK

# ? Mar 1, 2016 21:07

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

pixaal posted:

How does someone get this far gone?

That's what happens when you open-palm slap a video of Chronicles of Riddick into the VCR every morning for so long.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 00:06

pr0digal: Sep 12, 2008; Alan Rickman Overdrive

We're transferring ~30TB of data off a client's old NAS to a temp NAS until we get their shiny new StorNext SAN installed. We were quite thrilled to find out that the old NAS was connected to the clients over 10 GBe which would make the transfer faster.

We were not so thrilled with the fact that it was all copper 10GBe and our NAS had a SFP+ 10GBe card and there was no Thunderbolt SFP+ adapter to be had. That was okay, we'll just plug into the 10GBe switch directly and do the transfer that way.

The 10GBe network is not a separate network and is part of the corporate (1GBe) LAN. There goes our transfer speeds :downs:

# ? Mar 2, 2016 00:19

Zamboni Apocalypse: Dec 29, 2009

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

So a ticket came in...
I'm sorry for the wall of text, but it's worth the read.

Edit: included the inline videos.
And there's a bunch of pictures of ladies in bikinis and some celebrities that I'm not going to bother re-hosting and linking.

<insert stare-pressing-button-to-activate-next-stare gifchain here>

I work at a behavioral health provider, and my insane correspondence is so much less insane than yours.

Also: Cheney? gently caress, dude might be/probably should be coming here for services - I better watch out for supercars/pregnant 1-piece leather zipper catsuits I guess. :ninja:

# ? Mar 2, 2016 00:28

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

is the emote you're after, I believe. And rather appropriate :stare:

# ? Mar 2, 2016 00:43

Zamboni Apocalypse: Dec 29, 2009

Malachite_Dragon posted:

is the emote you're after, I believe. And rather appropriate

No, there's one that's a chain, starting with that, and each new window opens another one - I think it's five stares total.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 01:15

eszett engma: May 7, 2013

# ? Mar 2, 2016 01:45

GottaPayDaTrollToll: Dec 3, 2009; by Lowtax

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

So a ticket came in...
I'm sorry for the wall of text, but it's worth the read.

Edit: included the inline videos.
And there's a bunch of pictures of ladies in bikinis and some celebrities that I'm not going to bother re-hosting and linking.

It's like that one sweatshirt with the clipart cat and dog and the text "BORN TO DIE WORLD IS A gently caress KILL EM ALL 1989 I am trash man 410,757,864,530 DEAD COPS" came to life and started writing e-mails.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 02:16

mitra: Sep 27, 2012; between subtle shading, and the absence of light, lies the nuance of iqlusion

coworker: "how do i show the arp entries on a 9924 router?"
me: "rtfm!"
coworker types rtfm into console
"nope that didnt work"

# ? Mar 2, 2016 03:39

kensei: Dec 27, 2007; He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!

eszett engma posted:

This owns

# ? Mar 2, 2016 04:17

GnarlyCharlie4u: Sep 23, 2007; I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof

mitra posted:

coworker: "how do i show the arp entries on a 9924 router?"
me: "rtfm!"
coworker types rtfm into console
"nope that didnt work"

HAHAHAHA I am inconsolable after reading this.
I'm laughing uncomfortably and crying horribly.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 05:03

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

mitra posted:

coworker: "how do i show the arp entries on a 9924 router?"
me: "rtfm!"
coworker types rtfm into console
"nope that didnt work"

"Sorry, try rm-rf*".

# ? Mar 2, 2016 05:13

Methanar: Sep 26, 2013; by the sex ghost

mitra posted:

coworker: "how do i show the arp entries on a 9924 router?"
me: "rtfm!"
coworker types rtfm into console
"nope that didnt work"

Erase Flash:

# ? Mar 2, 2016 05:16

diremonk: Jun 17, 2008

Judge Schnoopy posted:

What qualifies somebody for CE work? Is this seemingly systemic problem from the fact that these guys are mechanical / electrical engineers forced into systems administration, which seems kind of close but has absolutely nothing to do with one-another? Is the CE position slowly dying out because of longer lasting radio hardware and increasing creep of digital systems?

These legacy guys all seem absolutely terrible at their job, but they seem to have so much power in the workplace and I'm so interested in how they came to be.

The few television CE's that I have worked for in my career have been for the most part people that had been there long enough that they were able to kiss up to the bosses and get moved up when the old chief retires. Granted I'm in a semi-small market but I'm sure it is like that in most places. Of the five I have known, none of them had any sort of degree that I know of. My old boss had half a bachelors in music, no idea about how video or audio actually works, and even had to google what a wire stripper looked like.

I've talked it over with a former colleague and he was saying that engineers as they are now are a dying breed. Since tv is moving more and more towards having everything based on IP and not the traditional methods, network admins are probably going to be in control. When that happens a lot of the older guys that aren't comfortable with networking are probably going to be out of a job.

I was offered an assistant-chief position at my old station but I turned it down because I thought where I'm at now would be better. Yeah, that was a mistake. But at least everything I'm doing now will look good on my resume.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 06:36

frogbert: Jun 2, 2007

larchesdanrew posted:

A request came in.

The Admissions Director asked if I could figure out how to import a list of new students into our management system so that they can just feed it a .csv file instead of having to input 120 students one at a time each year.

I poke around and figure out how to import a student and have it assign them an ID number and everything looks fine. Time to test.

Awesome. Let's try multiple students.

Fantastic. There they are in our student database, ready to be officially enrolled. I let the admissions director know that it can be done and set up a meeting so I could walk him through it.

Alright, let's go delete all these fake students.

Whoops, you can't just delete students. You have to fill out a shitload of expulsion paperwork for each student.

So here I go, filling out paperwork to expel twenty variations of Testy Testarooni for the superintendent to approve.

gently caress me.

Fantastic. My old boss liked to the story of how he accidentally printed the Windows XP test page over a few sheets of business cheques. Apparently it was quite an involved process for the accounts staff to document and dispose of them.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 07:24

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

larchesdanrew posted:

Whoops, you can't just delete students. You have to fill out a shitload of expulsion paperwork for each student.

So here I go, filling out paperwork to expel twenty variations of Testy Testarooni for the superintendent to approve.

You know that's going to end up in a statistic somewhere and in a year or so there will be an outraged article in the local newspaper about how the school expelled ten times as many students last year than previously.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 09:35

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

"School expels entire FAMILY before the year even starts"

# ? Mar 2, 2016 10:09

notwithoutmyanus: Mar 17, 2009

came in ...

I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories in the coming weeks/months as I work my way up at my new company. How does working for IT in the financial industry compare to those of you in medical IT, as in: what is the worst part of IT in the financial industry? Just trying to get my expectations set properly.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 11:34

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

Thanks Ants posted:

"School expels entire FAMILY before the year even starts"

Our reporter was unable to reach the Testarooni family for a comment.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 12:27

Cast_No_Shadow: Jun 8, 2010; The Republic of Luna Equestria is a huge, socially progressive nation, notable for its punitive income tax rates. Its compassionate, cynical population of 714m are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich.

notwithoutmyanus posted:

a came in ...

I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories in the coming weeks/months as I work my way up at my new company. How does working for IT in the financial industry compare to those of you in medical IT, as in: what is the worst part of IT in the financial industry? Just trying to get my expectations set properly.

Hope you like cobol.

Security is super mega important. The business will apparently forget this constantly.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 12:49

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Cast_No_Shadow posted:

Hope you like cobol.

Security is super mega important. The business will apparently forget this constantly.

Dont forget hilariously outdated database software.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 13:03

anthonypants: May 6, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo; Dinosaur Gum

notwithoutmyanus posted:

a came in ...

I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories in the coming weeks/months as I work my way up at my new company. How does working for IT in the financial industry compare to those of you in medical IT, as in: what is the worst part of IT in the financial industry? Just trying to get my expectations set properly.

"The financial industry" is pretty broad. For example, one of our customers is a payday lender, and they are some of the absolute cheapest motherfuckers. They probably think they're saving money by refusing to let us monitor or administer anything in their environment, but then they also take up a lot of our admins' time (which we charge them for) to set everything up, because they've never heard of "LDAP".

On the other hand, I worked for a bank a few years ago, and they spent money on, among other things, building out a kickin rad SCCM ecosystem from scratch and it was easily the best job I've ever had.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 13:17

divabot: Jun 17, 2015; A polite little mouse!

notwithoutmyanus posted:

a came in ...

I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories in the coming weeks/months as I work my way up at my new company. How does working for IT in the financial industry compare to those of you in medical IT, as in: what is the worst part of IT in the financial industry? Just trying to get my expectations set properly.

* the stress never stops, and it's not even in the service of helping human lives
* you will be working with way too many utterly loathsome c*nts who desperately need to be strung up from a lamppost by their own entrails. Imagine an entire industry made of little baby Martin Shkrelis.
* the software will frequently be vertical-market abominations apparently built by monkeys whacking keyboards with dildos
* at least they're actually willing to spend money on good new kit if you can make an even slightly reasonable business case
* if you're any good, GODDAMN BUCKETS OF CASH, HOLY poo poo

# ? Mar 2, 2016 13:20

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# ? May 20, 2024 16:29

KillHour: Oct 28, 2007

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Dont forget hilariously outdated database software.

The problem with being an early adopter of technology is after they fix all the issues the old system had, you're still stuck using it because it's too expensive to migrate.

# ? Mar 2, 2016 13:23

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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