Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

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TTerrible: Jul 15, 2005

G0RF posted:

"Everything is under control, situation normal..."

Elsewhere, savor the fidelity in the Monthly Update:

(Sorry if that got posted already.)

Haha what retard actually thinks they're implementing this?! As someone else posted they'll have any oxygen bar and a stamina bar. This is next level poo poo beyond controlling your nerves that are controlling your muscles that are controlling your fingers that are piloting your spaceship

# ? Mar 5, 2016 10:20

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# ? May 9, 2024 08:32

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Variable 5 posted:

Who the gently caress writes this and thinks anyone would ever want to read it, or have any kind of (virtual or real) interaction with this at all?

We're all on a watchlist now because of the fact that it's been posted a dozen times so far.

Welp, there are those of us that have elected ourselves basically Stimperial Loremasters (because we are tragically broken individuals).

# ? Mar 5, 2016 10:24

SelenicMartian: Sep 14, 2013; Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.

TTerrible posted:

Haha what retard actually thinks they're implementing this?!

Chris Roberts

Ag Bengip posted:

Those are good stretch goals

It does read like CIG's progressing insanity.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 10:32

Daztek: Jun 2, 2006

G0RF posted:

"Everything is under control, situation normal..."

Elsewhere, savor the fidelity in the Monthly Update:

(Sorry if that got posted already.)

I was immediately reminded of Sim City 2013's Agent Based Simulation, I'm sure this will work out fine for CIG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vS0qURl_JJY

# ? Mar 5, 2016 10:33

WhiskeyWhiskers: Oct 14, 2013; "هذا ليس عادلاً."
"هذا ليس عادلاً على الإطلاق."
"كان هناك وقت الآن."
(السياق الخفي: للقراءة)

quote:

In star citizen you are the toxoplasma that originated in a cat's gut that is controlling the spaceman, controlling the spaceship.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 10:35

Enot: Feb 18, 2016

Variable 5 posted:

Who the gently caress writes this and thinks anyone would ever want to read it, or have any kind of (virtual or real) interaction with this at all?

We're all on a watchlist now because of the fact that it's been posted a dozen times so far.

This thread's obsession with it has reached the level of Ben's obsession with WC

# ? Mar 5, 2016 10:38

Milkfred E. Moore: Aug 27, 2006; 'It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.'

Skellybones posted:

In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards.

Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will.

Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect.

However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps.

Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection.

All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever.

Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed.

Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable.

Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average.

Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule.

Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed.

The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.

you're a true friend

# ? Mar 5, 2016 10:41

Crazy_BlackParrot: Feb 1, 2016; Christ Roberts is way better than toilet lord...

Oh lmao!

This one is pure gold,
https://forums.robertsspaceindustries.com/discussion/321041/what-the-heck-happened-to-the-space-plant

What it looks like now

Fidelityyyyyyy

# ? Mar 5, 2016 11:30

Semisponge: Mar 9, 2006; I FUCKING LOVE BUTTS

There's no way they have a QA department that does anything besides show up and pretends to work. For one QA is totally soul-crushing even at a good dev studio. For two the game is so fundamentally broken there's no way to catalog all the bugs. And for three, their bosses don't want to hear anything negative.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 11:31

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Semisponge posted:

There's no way they have a QA department that does anything besides show up and pretends to work. For one QA is totally soul-crushing even at a good dev studio. For two the game is so fundamentally broken there's no way to catalog all the bugs. And for three, their bosses don't want to hear anything negative.

I don't see how QA can do anything meaningful either. I would not be surprised if either A) Dev cuts are going straight to the PU, and this "internal testing" is bullshit, or B) QA is given a short list of things to look at, and told to ignore everything else, and they fail at even that.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 11:47

Kilmers Elbow: Jun 15, 2012

I'm heartened by the fact the Stimpire has restaurants.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 11:48

Skellybones: May 31, 2011; Fun Shoe

QA wouldn't be able to keep up with every little in-house update. A 20gb patch every time a gun was nudged or a skeleton replaced with liquid metal would barely leave you any time to play the drat thing.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 11:53

ZenMaster: Jan 24, 2006; I Saved PC Gaming

The Saddest Robot posted:

Solar Plebian's startup sequence should be like this. Dozens of different screens on flimsy robot arms constantly shoving themselves in your face demanding you acknowledge them. Every time you think that you're done and go to reach for the throttle another panel swings out from some hidden recess into your face. Sometimes they have accidents with two panels trying to swing forward at the same time and they stop awkwardly, like two people who reach a stop-sign at the same time and they both stop, wait for the other person to go, start to creep forward when they realize that the other person is waiting for them, then stop when they see the other person creeping forward.

There should also be a lawnmower engine primer somewhere. That little bulb you have to push in with your thumb a few times.

No it should be a one button start up. A huge red button but it takes literally 30 seconds for you to push it.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 11:53

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

Glory.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 11:57

SelenicMartian: Sep 14, 2013; Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.

Enot posted:

This thread's obsession with it has reached the level of Ben's obsession with WC

What manner of WC?

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:03

Mr Fronts: Jan 31, 2016; Yo! The Mafia supports you. But don't tell no one. Spread the word.

SelenicMartian posted:

What manner of WC?

The worst kind of WC.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:06

alf_pogs: Feb 15, 2012

Sillybones posted:

Glory.

sheer horror

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:23

boethius: Jul 10, 2001; Space bunnies have three ears

Mr Fronts posted:

The worst kind of WC.

Our shitposting triples every second.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:23

RagnarokZ: May 14, 2004; Emperor of the Internet

Daztek posted:

I was immediately reminded of Sim City 2013's Agent Based Simulation, I'm sure this will work out fine for CIG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vS0qURl_JJY

Which was also comically broken. Very fitting.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:28

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

These people need to be horsewhipped.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:29

Tippis: Mar 21, 2008; It's yet another day in the wasteland.

MeLKoR posted:

These people need to be horsewhipped.

I strenuously object to any notion that a horse could or should in any way be subjected to the same treatment the posters in question deserve.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:42

WhiskeyWhiskers: Oct 14, 2013; "هذا ليس عادلاً."
"هذا ليس عادلاً على الإطلاق."
"كان هناك وقت الآن."
(السياق الخفي: للقراءة)

Tippis posted:

I strenuously object to any notion that a horse could or should in any way be subjected to the same treatment the posters in question deserve.

Do we even have the machines required to perform their deserved painful 52 hour surgery without pain resistant?

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:43

TheLastRoboKy: May 2, 2009; Finishing the game with everyone else's continues

The Saddest Robot posted:

Solar Plebian's startup sequence should be like this. Dozens of different screens on flimsy robot arms constantly shoving themselves in your face demanding you acknowledge them. Every time you think that you're done and go to reach for the throttle another panel swings out from some hidden recess into your face. Sometimes they have accidents with two panels trying to swing forward at the same time and they stop awkwardly, like two people who reach a stop-sign at the same time and they both stop, wait for the other person to go, start to creep forward when they realize that the other person is waiting for them, then stop when they see the other person creeping forward.

There should also be a lawnmower engine primer somewhere. That little bulb you have to push in with your thumb a few times.

I want a book you turn the page on or a scroll that unfurls from above and a little panel opening with an ink pot and quill that comes out so the hand can spend a while writing/updating their last will and testament for their inevitable space-death from ship despawning.

Scruffpuff posted:

I don't see how QA can do anything meaningful either. I would not be surprised if either A) Dev cuts are going straight to the PU, and this "internal testing" is bullshit, or B) QA is given a short list of things to look at, and told to ignore everything else, and they fail at even that.

I imagine all the QA reports get a terse-seeming "Game's still in Pre-Alpha" response sent back.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:44

Risc1911: Mar 1, 2016

Star Citizen live panel at PCG-Weekender starts at 15:30 GMT. (4h-ish from this post).

https://youtu.be/rLwPMFrAbP0

http://www.pcgamer.com/catch-the-highlights-with-the-pcg-weekender-livestream/

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:45

ZenMaster: Jan 24, 2006; I Saved PC Gaming

peter gabriel posted:

Patch 2.2 - Everything is perfect now, and I mean perfect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9phH8Jf78M

There is a spaceship I will land

Oof

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:48

it dont matter: Aug 29, 2008

The Saddest Robot posted:

Solar Plebian's startup sequence should be like this. Dozens of different screens on flimsy robot arms constantly shoving themselves in your face demanding you acknowledge them. Every time you think that you're done and go to reach for the throttle another panel swings out from some hidden recess into your face. Sometimes they have accidents with two panels trying to swing forward at the same time and they stop awkwardly, like two people who reach a stop-sign at the same time and they both stop, wait for the other person to go, start to creep forward when they realize that the other person is waiting for them, then stop when they see the other person creeping forward.

There should also be a lawnmower engine primer somewhere. That little bulb you have to push in with your thumb a few times.

Also can you make a wobbly papier mache third arm appear that just mashes buttons at random.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 12:59

Salt n Reba McEntire: Nov 14, 2000; Kuparp.

I love Star Citizen. You can parp out a wanky cry-engine mashup, say nothing about what's actually been promised, and the adoring masses will fall over themselves filling in the blanks with the contents of their weird heads.

And what's in those noggins is delightfully batshit!

I love Star Citizen. It is extremely my poo poo. You don't even have to download it; thanks to the power of the cloud. Of insanity.

Even Ouya, Gizmondo, Phantom and Pandora smooshed together couldn't generate shenanigans of this quality.

I never want this to end, except possibly for jail time for all concerned. I'd be a bit sad though.

That's pretty much it, really. Poo over.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:02

I Greyhound: Apr 22, 2008; MusicKrew Dawn Patrol

peter gabriel posted:

Patch 2.2 - Everything is perfect now, and I mean perfect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9phH8Jf78M

Lost it at the Stimpire skeleton joke.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:03

ZenMaster: Jan 24, 2006; I Saved PC Gaming

Kakarot posted:

Funny how many shitizens are training their children to be their turret gunners LOL

One guy on Reddit named his new baby Gunnar for this very reason. Not joking look up citizen_scum or scum_citizen or whatever. :/

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:06

intardnation: Feb 18, 2016; I'm going to space!

Semisponge posted:

There's no way they have a QA department that does anything besides show up and pretends to work. For one QA is totally soul-crushing even at a good dev studio. For two the game is so fundamentally broken there's no way to catalog all the bugs. And for three, their bosses don't want to hear anything negative.

I could see them doing something like this:
Doors arent opening and closing right
fidelity a little off
everything else golden
green light

Why fight when you know it wont be fixed or they dont care to fix. Do as little as possible to make people mad and collect $$$$.

Mind you those who paid for the game get crap......

O wait they think fixing doors instead of features is good and keep throwing more money at them.

Carry on regardless......

It is loving hopeless. The game and the shitizens.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:19

ZenMaster: Jan 24, 2006; I Saved PC Gaming

That Which Sleeps just bit the dust :0

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:24

Brazilianpeanutwar: Aug 27, 2015; Spent my walletfull, on a jpeg, desolate, will croberts make a whale of me yet?

ZenMaster posted:

That Which Sleeps just bit the dust :0

? :O

edit : thought you meant sandi :cripes:

Brazilianpeanutwar fucked around with this message at 13:37 on Mar 5, 2016

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:27

WhiskeyWhiskers: Oct 14, 2013; "هذا ليس عادلاً."
"هذا ليس عادلاً على الإطلاق."
"كان هناك وقت الآن."
(السياق الخفي: للقراءة)

ZenMaster posted:

That Which Sleeps just bit the dust :0

Game's been pretty dead for a while now. Any link to the announcement of its actual death? Or is it still just...sleeping.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:34

stinch: Nov 21, 2013

Scruffpuff posted:

I don't see how QA can do anything meaningful either. I would not be surprised if either A) Dev cuts are going straight to the PU, and this "internal testing" is bullshit, or B) QA is given a short list of things to look at, and told to ignore everything else, and they fail at even that.

Well, with the whole focus trying to get SQ42 developed and out the door you have to ask who is even working on the PU? Perhaps it's all those rumored to exist low paid fresh from college devs left largely unsupervised.

Would also explain the pie in the sky ideas like simulating oxygen flow in the space suit and commandos body. Inexperienced devs that actually believe in it.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 13:35

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

The startup sequence for the Solar Plebian ships should include the old dialup modem connection sound.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 14:01

best bale: Jul 4, 2007; Lipstick Apathy

Roflan posted:

I bet sandi knows... Maybe she was the person that was threatening to leave(her marriage).

Posting from the past (page 2222) but this can't go without comment.

This would be the second time sandi left. Let's not forget they've already divorced each other once. During this entire terrible train wreck of a game, I've wondered if they got back together bc he promised her Hollywood, and if a flop would lead to another divorce.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 14:13

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

bale. posted:

Posting from the past (page 2222) but this can't go without comment.

This would be the second time sandi left. Let's not forget they've already divorced each other once

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

# ? Mar 5, 2016 14:20

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

bale. posted:

Posting from the past (page 2222) but this can't go without comment.

This would be the second time sandi left. Let's not forget they've already divorced each other once. During this entire terrible train wreck of a game, I've wondered if they got back together bc he promised her Hollywood, and if a flop would lead to another divorce.

We'll have our answer for sure eventually, because this game won't succeed. At any rate, it certainly won't get either of them into Hollywood.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 14:21

Daztek: Jun 2, 2006

Was there an archive with all the fantastic images and gifs from this thread? I may need it for a project

# ? Mar 5, 2016 14:32

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# ? May 9, 2024 08:32

Herman Merman: Jul 6, 2008

Ash1138 posted:

i'm the rotating station rings that get position updates from the server at completely different times

those rings are rotating at loving constant angular velocity, their movement should be entirely predictable

# ? Mar 5, 2016 14:46

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