Bad Box Art Thread - Master the Moves to Master Me

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Bad Box Art Thread - Master the Moves to Master Me

laserghost: Feb 12, 2014; ^{trust me, I'm a cat.}

Do you like relatively simple 3D shooters with basic gameplay and cool atmosphere? If so, grab it. Note that it's virtually avaiable only as a :filez:

, but I can hook you up with physical cd copy if you live within EU.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 17:28

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 00:48

fishception: Feb 20, 2011; ~carrier has arrived~; Oven Wrangler

laserghost posted:

Do you like relatively simple 3D shooters with basic gameplay and cool atmosphere? If so, grab it. Note that it's virtually avaiable only as a , but I can hook you up with physical cd copy if you live within EU.

So is that Frank? Or Franko?

# ? Mar 7, 2016 19:12

swamp waste: Nov 4, 2009; There is some very sensual touching going on in the cutscene there. i don't actually think it means anything sexual but it's cool how it contrasts with modern ideas of what bad ass stuff should be like. It even seems authentic to some kind of chivalric masculine touching from a tyme longe gone

This is cool. Made in Poland in the early 90s, and set in a version of early 90s Poland where everyone has huge muscles and hep C, it features a man slumped against a trash can masturbating in the background of the first boss fight

# ? Mar 7, 2016 19:33

laserghost: Feb 12, 2014; ^{trust me, I'm a cat.}

And the first stage is actually quite faithful recreation of part of Szczecin, starting with flats where some prominent gangsters used to live. Franko is a part of this country's history.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 20:00

bloodychill: May 8, 2004; And if the world
should end tonight,
I had a crazy, classic life; Exciting Lemon

Rodatose posted:

e: worng thread

e2:

No one looks like this when playing these games. And they're always clumped on one side of the table

We need more WASPy sweater moms on video game covers.

Also pretty sure Scrabble is the game most likely to end friendships in a screaming argument about whether "EQUIPMEN" is a god damned word.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 21:18

Prenton: Feb 17, 2011; Ner nerr-nerrr ner

laserghost posted:

And the first stage is actually quite faithful recreation of part of Szczecin, starting with flats where some prominent gangsters used to live. Franko is a part of this country's history.

By the same guys who did the unofficial Amiga, uh, "conversion" of Street Hassle/Bop'n'Rumble/Bad Street Brawler

good lord

God bless you, 90's Poland: pumping out weird Amiga brawlers and attempts at Doom like there was no tomorrow.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 21:36

Forsythia: Jan 28, 2007; You want bad advice?

Anything is okay if you don't get caught!

... I hope this helps!

The Kins posted:

Let's discuss the also-rans.

This game probably would have been really innovative and much-loved, had Duke Nukem 3D and Quake not come out five minutes later and done most of it better. (I say most of it because I don't remember Quake having any poorly-rendered catgirls)

I had to see this for myself.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 23:27

laserghost: Feb 12, 2014; ^{trust me, I'm a cat.}

Prenton posted:

By the same guys who did the unofficial Amiga, uh, "conversion" of Street Hassle/Bop'n'Rumble/Bad Street Brawler

good lord

Actually this one wasn't supposed to be released, it was made as a programming excercise and unofficial tribute to original game from Spectrum, but people liked it enough so the authors made the agreement with publisher.

World Software also made Doman, a Conan'esque beat'em up. The cover is nothing special:

Character selection screen, on the other hand:

Trivia: all three games were made in pirated versions of AMOS. Also, one of the bosses in Franko is based on guy selling pirated games near the authors workplace.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 23:35

Shadow Hog: Feb 23, 2014; Avatar by Jon Davies

I love that the blonde muscleman is so vain as to have his face painted on the side of his axe.

It totally isn't his reflection in the axe, because who the hell has an axe that shiny?

# ? Mar 7, 2016 23:40

Shoehead: Sep 28, 2005; Wassup, Choom?
Ya need sumthin'?

The game industry could well do with being a little more like 90's Poland.

I think my country's biggest contribution to video games is Emerald making Moonwalker.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 23:53

Lady Naga: Apr 25, 2008; Voyons Donc!

Shoehead posted:

The game industry could well do with being a little more like 90's Poland.

I think my country's biggest contribution to video games is Emerald making Moonwalker.

To be fair Moonwalker is really good except for the part where they didn't use Thriller for the zombie level.

# ? Mar 7, 2016 23:54

Shadow Hog: Feb 23, 2014; Avatar by Jon Davies

I think he's talking about the home computer version of Moonwalker, not the Genesis or arcade versions (which were both by Sega).

I actually am not too familiar with the home computer version of Moonwalker, by comparison.

(And yeah, seriously, no Thriller in the zombie stage, what the crap?)

# ? Mar 8, 2016 00:04

Extreme0: Feb 28, 2013; I dance to the sweet tune of your failure so I'm never gonna stop fucking with you.

Continue to get confused and frustrated with me as I dance to your anger.

As I expect nothing more from ya you stupid runt!

The Kins posted:

Let's discuss the also-rans.

A Ukranian Quake clone by the team that went on to create the "Carnivores" series of hunting games. As far as I remember, a lizard-Jester with sawblade hands does not appear in the game... but I never got very far in.

This game probably would have been really innovative and much-loved, had Duke Nukem 3D and Quake not come out five minutes later and done most of it better. (I say most of it because I don't remember Quake having any poorly-rendered catgirls)

These two actually aren't that bad from my perspective.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 03:16

Light Gun Man: Oct 17, 2009; toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN; Lipstick Apathy

Quit hotlinking.

Extreme0 posted:

# ? Mar 8, 2016 03:40

Disproportionation: Feb 20, 2011; Oh god it's the Clone Saga all over again.

Shadow Hog posted:

I think he's talking about the home computer version of Moonwalker, not the Genesis or arcade versions (which were both by Sega).

I actually am not too familiar with the home computer version of Moonwalker, by comparison.

(And yeah, seriously, no Thriller in the zombie stage, what the crap?)

Early versions actually did have Thriller iirc, but it had to be changed because of licensing issues ore something.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 04:51

AnonSpore: Jan 19, 2012; "I didn't see the part where he develops as a character so I guess he never developed as a character"

Yeah I was gonna say, I clearly remember a Thriller part in the zombie stage.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 05:05

bloodychill: May 8, 2004; And if the world
should end tonight,
I had a crazy, classic life; Exciting Lemon

The Gorky17 box I kind of like. It's minimalist but not in a bad way. Same with that 101st Airborne one, which is well-framed but could have been executed better.

Those Fur Puppy things creep me out and I'm guessing the game is worse.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 05:42

nerdz: Oct 12, 2004; Complex, statistically improbable things are by their nature more difficult to explain than simple, statistically probable things.; Grimey Drawer

Soleil for genesis: This cutesy zelda-like game where you recruit cute animals to help you sure has some disturbing box art

# ? Mar 8, 2016 05:50

Coolguye: Jul 6, 2011; Required by his programming!

how to not hotlink:

- copy the url of the thing you want to link
- open https://www.imgur.com
- click 'upload images'
- find the box labeled 'enter image urls'
- paste the url copied
- hit "Start Upload"
- congraturationz

# ? Mar 8, 2016 06:56

Shadow Hog: Feb 23, 2014; Avatar by Jon Davies

I'm pretty sure every version of Moonwalker on the Genesis uses "Another Part of Me" for the graveyard stage - but that some revision of the game (no idea which one) uses "Thriller" for one of MJ's dance specials in that stage. I don't believe "Thriller" was ever in the arcade version.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 06:58

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFO9Z1Yc-_A

:siren:

Quit hotlinking! :siren:

# ? Mar 8, 2016 07:01

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Coolguye posted:

how to not hotlink:

- copy the url of the thing you want to link
- open https://www.imgur.com
- click 'upload images'
- find the box labeled 'enter image urls'
- paste the url copied
- hit "Start Upload"
- congraturationz

There are also browser extensions that allow you to upload with a right-click menu.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 08:33

Samurai Sanders: Nov 4, 2003; Pillbug

The MSJ posted:

There are also browser extensions that allow you to upload with a right-click menu.

Even better, I have a desktop program that you can just select a region of the screen and it automatically uploads it to imgur and copies the URL to your clipboard.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 08:52

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

You can also embed bad box art directly into yr posts if you have platinum.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Mar 8, 2016 08:59

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Lurdiak posted:

You can also embed bad box art directly into yr posts if you have platinum.

They are letting people vote for a reverse cover now. Just pick this:

# ? Mar 8, 2016 09:24

The Kins: Oct 2, 2004

And now, for the shovelware compilations of thousands of mods pulled off FTPs and bunged onto a CD-ROM.

The English versions of this had a very, very tiny "SIMULATED SCREENSHOT" under that bad '90s render.

Screamy horny skeletons and some more SIMULATED SCREENSHOTs.

Qu........ke

...and then they hosed.

WARNING: YOU'R ON YOUR OWN...

# ? Mar 8, 2016 09:50

Baller Time: Apr 22, 2014; by Azathoth

The Kins posted:

Qu........ke

There is actually a legal reason for that. Until 2011, Quake was "indexed" in germany, which meant the following things:

-It was only allowed to be sold to adults
-It was not allowed to be "in view" in retail
-You where not allowed to advertise it in any way or form in media that is accessible to minors

Print magazines for example never wrote "Quake". Instead, to be safe, they referred to it as "Beben", the german word for quake.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 11:34

bloodychill: May 8, 2004; And if the world
should end tonight,
I had a crazy, classic life; Exciting Lemon

The MSJ posted:

They are letting people vote for a reverse cover now. Just pick this:

It is funny to me that companies hold onto their lovely covers/branding because some designer or marketing exec has drawn a line in the sand and won't back down so then they do these reversible covers that are fantastic .

# ? Mar 8, 2016 13:01

Sleeveless: Dec 25, 2014; by Pragmatica

The MSJ posted:

There are also browser extensions that allow you to upload with a right-click menu.

http://imgur.com/tools

# ? Mar 8, 2016 13:59

Shoehead: Sep 28, 2005; Wassup, Choom?
Ya need sumthin'?

Lady Naga posted:

To be fair Moonwalker is really good except for the part where they didn't use Thriller for the zombie level.

Shadow Hog posted:

I think he's talking about the home computer version of Moonwalker, not the Genesis or arcade versions (which were both by Sega).

I actually am not too familiar with the home computer version of Moonwalker, by comparison.

(And yeah, seriously, no Thriller in the zombie stage, what the crap?)

Yeah Emerald worked on the much less iconic computer ports. I only found out about the isometric Arcade version last year, it looks amazing.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 14:52

raditts: Feb 21, 2001; The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.

The MSJ posted:

They are letting people vote for a reverse cover now. Just pick this:

That's a much better cover, but it's still missing the one demon who's cheesing for the camera with a "Hi mom!" look on his face.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 14:54

Hakkesshu: Nov 4, 2009

He's there at the bottom

# ? Mar 8, 2016 15:01

In Training: Jun 28, 2008

The MSJ posted:

They are letting people vote for a reverse cover now. Just pick this:

Can I vote for them to make a different game

# ? Mar 8, 2016 15:05

laserghost: Feb 12, 2014; ^{trust me, I'm a cat.}

Extreme0 posted:

lol I forgot they renamed Space Hack to this for overseas markets

Llamasoft owns unironically

# ? Mar 8, 2016 15:08

AlphaKretin: Dec 25, 2014; A vase to face encounter.

...Vase to meet you?

...

GARVASE DAY!

laserghost posted:

Ape face.

# ? Mar 8, 2016 15:13

JayKay: Sep 11, 2001; And you thought they were cute and cuddly.

Mordja posted:

Guess the genre:

It's a 6DOF spaceship shooter.

I can still hear the commercial in my head

"THE FUTURE IS FORSAKEN...THE FUTURE IS FORSAKEN...THE FUTURE IS FORSAKEN...."

So, good marketing I guess?

# ? Mar 8, 2016 15:36