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Quincyh posted:When my nephew was about five he was still figuring out how humour works. His best joke: "Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a WOLF!" He was most upset when we were confused instead of amused. This made my entire day. Thank you.
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Mar 7, 2016 14:11
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| # ? May 17, 2024 19:22 |
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Quincyh posted:When my nephew was about five he was still figuring out how humour works. His best joke: "Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a WOLF!" He was most upset when we were confused instead of amused. I can't stop laughing at this. That poor kid but holy poo poo.
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Mar 7, 2016 22:05
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Had the dogs at the vet yesterday and my 6yo son didn't want to go into the exam room with them, so my wife took them and I stayed with him in the waiting room. Needless to say he needs to go say hello to every animal that comes in, no big deal as he knows to ask permission before touching any pets, etc... This leads to him chatting up this nice older lady about his dogs and they start having a conversation. Him: "We have two dogs, and they are both rescues from up north and we don't know what kind they are." Her: "My dog is a yellow lab cross, and her name is Ophelia." Him, reaching down to pat her: "Hi Ophelia. I know the 'F' word!" WHAT THE CHRIST, KID?!
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Mar 9, 2016 21:58
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I visited a preschool this morning. The children were singing a song where you go around in a circle and everyone says their name and then you say hello to them. One boy said his name was Clark Kent 
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Mar 9, 2016 22:20
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"You're a meatball!" ----three-year-old boy at work today\ "We need ta get my four-year-old shoes!" ----little boy, later in the shift
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Mar 10, 2016 01:09
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I was teaching my nephew some basic subtraction for his homework using coins, as is the usual way. So I take away a few coins at a time and show him how the subtraction works. When I did 2-1 for him, before I could finish talking about it, he grabbed the last coin, yelled "ZERO!" and ran to put it in his piggy bank. This kid is gonna be one heck of a scammer at this rate.
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Mar 10, 2016 05:42
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My wife was offering my son 5 $1 for every good week of school he could string together. He replied "how about one dollar AND 20 cents?" His sister then says "why 1.20?" To which he replied very seriously "because then I would have even more money!"
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Mar 10, 2016 14:52
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Keystoned posted:My wife was offering my son 5 $1 for every good week of school he could string together. He replied "how about one dollar AND 20 cents?" If your son got the extra 20% he's a pretty good negotiator, you should encourage him.
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Mar 10, 2016 14:54
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So at work today we had an event where parents could bring their toddler-aged kids in to play Duplo with the staff members, and this one girl had so much fun playing with me she told me "You're my uncle now!" and also proudly declared to her parents "He's the real spiderman!"
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Mar 10, 2016 23:11
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TKIY posted:Needless to say he needs to go say hello to every animal that comes in, no big deal as he knows to ask permission before touching any pets, etc... To be fair, I do this at age 35.
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Mar 10, 2016 23:18
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I wasn't there for it, but my roommate's kid got in trouble because of some poo poo he said. He was reading out loud to himself in his room while his mother was watching some show. She asked him to either close the door or bring it down to a whisper, because the kid has no volume control. He proceeds to do that really loud forceful whisper thing you do when you're trying to fake being quiet. She was not amused.
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Mar 11, 2016 10:29
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Yesterday at the Handicapped youth support group I volunteer for: "I'm completely bald under all this hair."
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Mar 11, 2016 11:16
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I subbed at one of our middle schools yesterday and today: "My name is KATIE and it's NOT HELLO KITTY SO DON'T CALL ME HELLO KITTY!!!!!" KID: "What's your name?" ME: "I'm bringmyfishback, how about you?" KID: "I'm David. Where are you from?" ME: "I'm from New York." KID: "Oh, yes, I know about New York. On September 11th, 2001, a plan was flown into the World Trade Center by Islamic terrorists. It was a national tragedy. Do you like basketball?" ME:  "...sure, David, basketball is cool."We then went on to talk about World War II.
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Mar 11, 2016 12:28
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I was out shopping, taking a look at stuff on the shelf when I heard coming from around the corner, this exchange: "You're gonna be big like your daddy!" "nooooo...." They turn the corner and it's a 3 year old girl in the shopping cart and her rather muscle-bound dad. He continues. "Yeah you're gonna be all muscly like your dad! "no i don't wanna" "Yep you're get even bigger than me! "nooooo don't wanna" I lost my poo poo and told them they were hilarious. He kept bugging her for a bit before grabbing their stuff and moving on. Great start to the day.
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Mar 11, 2016 23:48
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http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5rg8i_i-m-old-gregg_fun
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Mar 12, 2016 05:33
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"Hey, bringmyfishback, do you know the band Pretty Necklace?" "Uh...do you mean The Pretty Reckless?" "NO! Wait, yeah."
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Mar 14, 2016 12:58
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One story my parents will never let me forget is when I, as a young child, burst into their bedroom while they were getting it on. Me: Ah-HA! I caught you SNOGGING! :iamafag: Parents:  Me: *peels out of there giggling like a madman* Apparently it kinda killed the moment. 
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Mar 15, 2016 05:59
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A friend of mine has a five year old son, named Rory. He is unable to day, R correctly, so his name comes out as Wowy, and he is starting to be a bit embarrassed about his lack of R's. Cue the following conversation when he had a baby sister: Mum: Rory, here is your new sister, Jenny. Rory: Unfair! Call it Cwistina! Same boy told his mum he wished he was called Kyle.
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Mar 18, 2016 15:55
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When I was Three, I couldn't say "Th" sounds, and was quite selfd concious of it. When asked my age, apparently my standard reply was "I'm not two, and I'm not four."
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Mar 18, 2016 17:19
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princecoo posted:When I was Three, I couldn't say "Th" sounds, and was quite selfd concious of it. When asked my age, apparently my standard reply was "I'm not two, and I'm not four." I was an exceptionally serious, gloomy, and dire child. Apparently my family took me out to eat for my third birthday. The waitress said, "It's your birthday?? How old are you now?" and I replied dourly "Three.  I'll never be two years old again. "
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Mar 18, 2016 20:50
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I couldn't say "l" sounds for years when I was younger. On pain: "Ouch! I hurt my yeg." Hearing a siren: "Oh yisten! It's the poyice!"
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Mar 20, 2016 23:25
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My friend's daughter, 8, missed the memo about my divorce a few years back and was shocked to hear I had a boyfriend. Her mom said, "but you know about how people get divorced sometimes, right?" 8-year old holds up her hand in a say-no-more gesture and says, "I've read about this in books. You don't need to tell me any details."
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Mar 21, 2016 01:17
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Aristophanes posted:I couldn't say "l" sounds for years when I was younger. My childhood best friend had an impairment where she swapped out "L" sounds for "w"s, but then swapped out sounds that were supposed to be "w"s with "y"s. So "last week" would come out as "wast yeek." I just remembered the other day that as a toddler, my younger sister inexplicably pronounced the name "James" as "Gimps."
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Mar 21, 2016 01:39
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sweeperbravo posted:I was an exceptionally serious, gloomy, and dire child. Apparently my family took me out to eat for my third birthday. The waitress said, "It's your birthday?? How old are you now?" and I replied dourly "Three. Oh good, I wasn't the only one. Apparently once I was asked why I wouldn't do homework when I was 7 and I replied "why bother, so I can do it again in the next grade, and over and over until I have to work until I die?" I seemed to have a deep-seated belief that things only got worse after childhood, I think finding Matt Groening's "Life is Hell" compilation when I was young may have had an adverse effect on my psychological health at that age.e: luckily the reverse was true. Childhood kind of sucks, let no one tell you otherwise.
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Mar 21, 2016 01:59
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ManlyGrunting posted:e: luckily the reverse was true. Childhood kind of sucks, let no one tell you otherwise. Truer words have never been spoken, no matter how much some adults insisted on rubbing it in that it was gonna get worse or something.
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Mar 21, 2016 03:30
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My three year old girl, at the dinner table: * sticks hand down the front of her pants * "I'm just going to play with my butt for a little bit . . . there's a fox down there" I don't even know.
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Apr 1, 2016 17:48
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sweeperbravo posted:My childhood best friend had an impairment where she swapped out "L" sounds for "w"s, but then swapped out sounds that were supposed to be "w"s with "y"s. So "last week" would come out as "wast yeek." Child at playschool was asked what he wanted for Christmas and said "a wanking watch". That caused some confused looks. Lion King watch
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Apr 1, 2016 19:23
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GohRczetOao kids these days.
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Apr 1, 2016 19:45
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bitterandtwisted posted:Child at playschool was asked what he wanted for Christmas and said "a wanking watch". That caused some confused looks. Its a FitBit
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Apr 2, 2016 19:28
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While shopping earlier, this little kid (maybe a year old or so) in a stroller was going "bob bob bob" on and on, while I was trying on shoes. When his mom pushed his stroller closer to me (while giving me a "sorry, he hasn't stopped in weeks" look) he immediately noticed me and started talking directly to me. Bob bob bob! Bob bob!" I guess singing the intro to Barbra Ann wasn't the best thing, but the kid sure did, because as I was finishing it up, the kid would repeat "bob bob bob, bob bob rah am!" over and over instead.
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Apr 3, 2016 00:39
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My 4-year-old daughter likes pretending to be Blue from Blue's Clues. She'll talk to me only in barks and tries to get me to search for clues that she's left around the apartment. It's all pretty harmless and cute, even if it can get annoying when she refuses to break character when I try to get her to do something. The other day I was reading on the couch and my daughter was nearby pretending to be Blue again when she suddenly got this fierce look on her face, roared, and swung her arms wildly. I asked her what she was doing. "I'm KILLING the cat!" she said, raising her voice and swiping her arms to punctuate the word "killing". After swiping a few more times she leaned her face down and made eating noises. "Now the cat is dead. Blue ate it and now it's a skeleton." Then she crawled away.
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Apr 4, 2016 18:10
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My Chemistry Club at University volunteers at the local Children's Museum to do engaging science projects for kids. Recently we had a child turn to one of our members with a bottle of ammonia saying "I WILL SPRAY YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE" Also during this project, we asked them write a secret message, and used an acid base reaction to make it visible with the ammonia. When we told one of the kids to write a secret message, I was asked "How do you spell 'hate'?" I asked why they would want to spell such a negative word, the answer was "I want to write 'I hate my mother'." This is why I will never have kids.
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Apr 4, 2016 18:36
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Children are creepy and evil, but they grow out of it (sometimes). My nephew is as normal as a 17 year old can be, but when he was four and I was out there after my grandmother passed, we were watching TV and he just started staring at me with a Damien stare. I asked him what he was up to. His reply? "I'm just thinking about what you'd look like if you were dead." (full disclosure: this was shortly after the visitation at the funeral home)
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Apr 4, 2016 18:48
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My 2 year old nephew was being shown some old photos of his mom and one photo was of her in her white water rafting gear---yellow helmet, big boots, etc--- and he looks up and says "That's not a Minion"
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Apr 4, 2016 18:57
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gvibes posted:My three year old girl, at the dinner table: What does the fox say? My 3 year old told us on her birthday she is now old enough to drink wine.
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Apr 5, 2016 22:13
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Phil Moscowitz posted:What does the fox say? In France, maybe.
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Apr 5, 2016 22:46
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Phil Moscowitz posted:What does the fox say? Is there a PYF poo poo your parents say thread? When my sister was about to turn 18, my mom pleasantly suggested "Now we can take her out for a drink!" (We live in the U.S. Had to remind my mom that things have changed since the '70s)
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Apr 5, 2016 23:05
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sweeperbravo posted:Is there a PYF poo poo your parents say thread? When my sister was about to turn 18, my mom pleasantly suggested "Now we can take her out for a drink!" Isn't it ok if you're drinking with a parent?
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Apr 5, 2016 23:24
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Probably, but even when it is it's supposed to be at home. Bars, restaurants etc. still can't serve minors.
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Apr 5, 2016 23:30
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Aphrodite posted:Probably, but even when it is it's supposed to be at home. Bars, restaurants etc. still can't serve minors. In 11 states they can with parental presence and consent, per this page. Only in 4 states can minors drink as part of an undercover police assignment, though.
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Apr 5, 2016 23:51
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