PYF Stupid Lifehacks: Oh, so that's how you smoke a jay.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF Stupid Lifehacks: Oh, so that's how you smoke a jay.

«‹›489 »

Hirayuki: Mar 28, 2010

I got a little hung up on "Rice was made in Holland" myself. I skimmed the rest, but that first sentence...whoof. :psyduck:

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:00

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 4, 2024 08:09

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

My Lovely Horse posted:

Proof: one of my coworkers is on a diet where you dial your calories per day down to 500 for three weeks and can't have any carbs. The supposed reason this is necessary is because her metabolism can't handle carbs properly and this will reset it, or something.

500 calories a day sounds like a great way for your body to reset itself (by fainting).

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:14

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Starvation diets are the worst thing :ughh:

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:16

Mad Hamish: Jun 15, 2008; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

If acid is the worst thing for your body then why is your stomach full of it? Is it because of all the toxins? If so then will consuming all that alkaline food neutralize your stomach acid, leading to better health?

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:26

Warbird: May 23, 2012; America's Favorite Dumbass

Your favorite life hack thread a bit slow for your liking? Post some batshit insane person's food blog (which has some decent design and setup for these pictures I have to say) and watch the posts roll in! Wally! #hackthreadhax

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:28

Judge Schnoopy: Nov 2, 2005; dont even TRY it, pal

I cut my diet to 500 calories a day for three weeks and felt just how awful my digestion had gotten. It made me feel truly sick. But after my body reset I ate a cheeseburger and felt great, it worked perfectly! Best I've felt all month!

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:29

Warbird: May 23, 2012; America's Favorite Dumbass

It's almost like the human body needs to burn calories in order to function or something. Weird.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:30

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

She has to go up and down 10 foot ladders all the time too. There's no way this can go wrong!

# ? Mar 15, 2016 14:32

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Eponine posted:

500 calories a day sounds like a great way for your body to reset itself (by fainting).

This diet is not that restrictive. You can eat 100 dicks and still hit your goal.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 15:00

Kwyndig: Sep 23, 2006; Heeeeeey

Sorry, dicks are carbs.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 15:59

Pyrotoad: Oct 24, 2010; Illegal Hen

Isn't 500 calories a day supposed to be a way to reduce the effects of Type 2 Diabetes? I definitely remember reading that a severely restricted diet like that did wonders in one study, though obviously it was under intense medical management and supervision.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 17:10

cinci zoo sniper: Mar 15, 2013

Pyrotoad posted:

Isn't 500 calories a day supposed to be a way to reduce the effects of Type 2 Diabetes? I definitely remember reading that a severely restricted diet like that did wonders in one study, though obviously it was under intense medical management and supervision.

I have read that diabetes does not sustain itself in dead matter, yes.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 17:19

twoday: May 4, 2005; C-SPAM Times best-selling author

Hirayuki posted:

I got a little hung up on "Rice was made in Holland" myself. I skimmed the rest, but that first sentence...whoof.

We don't even eat much rice in Holland, besides when we indulge in the foodstuffs of our former colonies.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 18:04

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

Pyrotoad posted:

Isn't 500 calories a day supposed to be a way to reduce the effects of Type 2 Diabetes? I definitely remember reading that a severely restricted diet like that did wonders in one study, though obviously it was under intense medical management and supervision.

I think you're thinking of a 500 Calorie deficit. Even with that, if you're going about your day and doing a moderate amount of exercise, an adult should still be running at around 1,000 Calories. My 45 pound dog* still eats about 750 Calories a day as part of her weight loss diet.

*Totally different digestive systems but still.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 18:11

Noctone: Oct 25, 2005; XO til we overdose..

Broccoli is unmitigated garbage

# ? Mar 15, 2016 18:31

Decrepus: May 21, 2008; In the end, his dominion did not touch a single poster.

Mad Hamish posted:

If acid is the worst thing for your body then why is your stomach full of it? Is it because of all the toxins? If so then will consuming all that alkaline food neutralize your stomach acid, leading to better health?

Stomach acid is just a hold-over from our ancestors. Much like the appendix, hairy buttholes, and the lack of a sixth finger to better play videogames. It doesn't mean it is a good thing.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 18:38

Kwyndig: Sep 23, 2006; Heeeeeey

Yeah, eating 500 calories a day is a good way to slowly starve to death. Even the most sedentary human uses more than that to sustain life processes, hell coma patients get at least twice that (more depending on body mass and quality of care, of course).

# ? Mar 15, 2016 18:42

Hirayuki: Mar 28, 2010

Kwyndig posted:

Yeah, eating 500 calories a day is a good way to slowly starve to death. Even the most sedentary human uses more than that to sustain life processes, hell coma patients get at least twice that (more depending on body mass and quality of care, of course).

I was dieting on 1200 calories a day and, surprise, not losing weight. I went through a few periods where I tossed in a couple 500-calorie days a week, which were miserable. Turns out my body burns about 1700 calories just to keep itself alive, and I tack on more than that to get on with my everyday activities. So now I'm eating a lot more than I'm used to to get my body out of starvation mode before I shave 500 calories off my higher number to lose weight slowly but sensibly.

The hospital's clinic that measured my resting metabolic rate offered to put me on a 1000-calorie/day diet to get the weight off fast. I did not bite.

Content!

# ? Mar 15, 2016 18:50

GnarlyCharlie4u: Sep 23, 2007; I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof

Hirayuki posted:

I was dieting on 1200 calories a day and, surprise, not losing weight. I went through a few periods where I tossed in a couple 500-calorie days a week, which were miserable. Turns out my body burns about 1700 calories just to keep itself alive, and I tack on more than that to get on with my everyday activities. So now I'm eating a lot more than I'm used to to get my body out of starvation mode before I shave 500 calories off my higher number to lose weight slowly but sensibly.

The hospital's clinic that measured my resting metabolic rate offered to put me on a 1000-calorie/day diet to get the weight off fast. I did not bite.

Content!

This is a proper life hack.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 18:53

Wanamingo: Feb 22, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

That eat to live stuff reminds me of this, crossposting from China.jpg

LentThem posted:

Li Hongyan, a senior nutritionist from Shanghai Tongmai Food Co Ltd, suggests that when mixing different foods, people have to look out for those that might result in bad reactions.

Milk and chocolate
Believe it or not, milk and chocolate do not match. While milk is rich in protein and calcium, chocolate contains oxalic acid. Eaten together, the calcium from milk and the oxalic acid of chocolate can combine and form insoluble calcium oxalate, which is not only indigestible but also can cause diarrhea.

Lactic acid drink and ham
Many people like having a sandwich with yogurt. However, ham and bacon in sandwiches, when taken with yogurt, could cause cancer. To extend the preservation of meat products, producers add nitrate to prevent decay and botulinus. But when nitrate meets organic acid, it can turn into nitrosamine, a carcinogen.

Mutton and vinegar
Mutton is a "hot" food, while vinegar is "warm" and like alcohol. When the two are cooked together, they can over-activate yang energy and the circulation. According to Compendium of Materia Medica, a book on Chinese herbal medicine, eating mutton and vinegar at the same time harms the heart.

Mutton and watermelon
Watermelon is a "cold" food. When taken together with mutton, the "heat," the nourishing effect of the mutton will be dramatically decreased. For those who suffer from asthenia of the spleen, it can harm their energy and upset the spleen and stomach.

Beef and chestnut
Beef and chestnuts are good for the stomach. However, chestnuts contains vitamin C, which can react with microelements in the beef and lessen the chestnuts' nutrition. The combination is not good for digestion and can cause dyspepsia.

Crab and tea
Some people might get used to drinking tea after eating crabs, thinking that it is good for the digestion. On the contrary it can cause indigestion. Gastric juices are diluted after drinking tea while eating crabs, and this not only disturbs assimilation but also reduces the ability of the gastric juices to sterilize. On the other hand, tea has as much tannic acid as persimmons.

Persimmon and sweet potato
Having persimmon and sweet potato at the same time can cause blockages in the stomach. The sugar in the sweet potato gets fermented in stomach, which increases stomach acid. Together they could even cause a gastric hemorrhage or gastric ulcers.

# ? Mar 15, 2016 19:41

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Wanamingo posted:

But when nitrate meets organic acid, it can turn into nitrosamine, a carcinogen.

Good thing you don't have a bag of acid in between your mouth and your intestines. :v:

# ? Mar 16, 2016 05:11

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

"Chocolate contains oxalic acid."

China needs better chocolate.

# ? Mar 16, 2016 07:21

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

This is a proper life hack.

In my wilderness survival course we were told to pack a tampon and a condom in our survival gear kit. The tampon could be used for firestarting and plugging serious wounds. The condom was for water storage, waterproofing tinder, constructing a slingshot for hunting, or for constructing a Wilson for companionship.

# ? Mar 16, 2016 07:27

poly and open-minded: Nov 22, 2006; In BOD we trust

No glove, no love,

# ? Mar 16, 2016 07:31

Borden: Jul 23, 2008

Wanamingo posted:

That eat to live stuff reminds me of this, crossposting from China.jpg

Bloody Chinese medicine. I ate too much watermelon and petted a sheep. Now I have gastric ulcers.

# ? Mar 16, 2016 11:41

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Picnic Princess posted:

In my wilderness survival course we were told to pack a tampon and a condom in our survival gear kit. The tampon could be used for firestarting and plugging serious wounds. The condom was for water storage, waterproofing tinder, constructing a slingshot for hunting, or for constructing a Wilson for companionship.

During the Top Gear special episode in Bolivia, the trio was given condoms, tampons, and Viagra at the start (which they obviously mocked). The tampons and condoms were used to waterproof their vehicles for a river crossing and the Viagra was used for its original purpose (easing high blood pressure) to help them with hypoxia at high altitudes toward the end.

# ? Mar 16, 2016 21:36

simplyhorribul: Jul 30, 2013

Since lifehacks are just synonym for "Be loving frugal with extreme DIYing", there is a simple trick that dentists all over the world hate!

simplyhorribul has a new favorite as of 10:19 on Mar 17, 2016

# ? Mar 17, 2016 10:15

Un chien andalou: Oct 22, 2008; The pipe is leaking

simplyhorribul posted:

Since lifehacks are just synonym for "Be loving frugal with extreme DIYing", there is a simple trick that dentists all over the world hate!

To be fair that is pretty fuckin' cool. That guy deffo did his homework and seems to have pulled off something that normally costs thousands (?) for almost nothing besides time.

Respect due.

# ? Mar 17, 2016 19:06

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

simplyhorribul posted:

Since lifehacks are just synonym for "Be loving frugal with extreme DIYing", there is a simple trick that dentists all over the world hate!

Why is this a bitly link? What are you hiding? Goatman, if that you?

# ? Mar 17, 2016 21:18

Judge Schnoopy: Nov 2, 2005; dont even TRY it, pal

simplyhorribul posted:

Since lifehacks are just synonym for "Be loving frugal with extreme DIYing", there is a simple trick that dentists all over the world hate!

This actually worked, saved a ton of money, and was arguable easier than constantly visiting the dentist. This kind of successful life hack does not belong in this thread (but thanks for sharing because it's drat cool in retrospect, after proving successful).

# ? Mar 18, 2016 00:34

Len: Jan 21, 2008; Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!

Just imagine how many people are going to see that and think "oh poo poo, I can do that too" and gently caress up their mouths. :allears:

# ? Mar 18, 2016 00:39

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

Moving a couple teeth around seems pretty weak sauce. I mean come by my place if you ever need help with that sort of thing. A forklift attachment would be pretty handy though, if we're talking body mods.

# ? Mar 18, 2016 00:51