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Dr Snofeld
Apr 30, 2009
When I was a little kid and bored at my grandmother's house, I'd flick through her magazines. Stuff like Take A Break, Woman's Own, guff like that. Usually there'd be a section in the letters page with some really asinine "tips" like freezing toothpaste to make terrible mints, or using Pepsi cups from the cinema as tacky toothpaste holders.

Fifteen years later those bullshit tips are back in a big way, with such genius pieces of advice as:



How about you just go wash your hands when you're done instead of eating like a crazy person?



This isn't a hack. This is what those yoghurt cups are designed to do. That's why they're shaped like that.



I kinda get WHY this person thought this was genius, but he's just put out more food for the ants in an attempt to get rid of ants.

reddit.com/r/lifehacks posted:

Self conscious about people being able to hear your fecal matter hit the toilet water?

Lay down some toilet paper in the water before hand! This works well for me since my bathroom is pretty close to our family living room

Alternatively, grow the gently caress up.

Let's post our favourite examples of people who think they're so smart making up elaborate procedures for simple tasks, justifying acting like a gross child by claiming they're saving time and effort, or sharing their amazing neat tricks that are impractical, dangerous, illegal or just plain pointless.



Pre-emptive edit: It doesn't matter if somebody posts a fake one, they're still funny.

Dr Snofeld has a new favorite as of 23:04 on Jul 9, 2014

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HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Why would an ambulance be leaving the hospital?
How the gently caress is this a life hack?

Stottie Kyek
Apr 26, 2008

fuckin egg in a bun
When did they start being called "Life Hacks"? When I was a kid they were called "Household Hints" or something, and there were always a few in just about every newspaper or magazine. Cleaning things by rubbing half a lemon all over them was one that showed up a lot, usually it just ended up with a load of lemon pulp getting spread all over the thing you were cleaning and mixed into the dirt.

tight aspirations
Jul 13, 2009

Amphigory
Feb 6, 2005




I've seen this one loads and it really winds me up:



You can just imagine the sort of smug prick that would do this

Orange Fluffy Sheep
Jul 26, 2008

Bad EXP received

HopperUK posted:

How the gently caress is this a life hack?



Oh my god this tumblr.



Neato trick: have a specific childhood.



gently caress up the public beach like some kind of rear end in a top hat!



Awesome tip that really works: Nutella makes products for their other products!



Be aware of your privilege. You won't believe it works!

TheDon01
Mar 8, 2009


Orange Fluffy Sheep posted:




gently caress up the public beach like some kind of rear end in a top hat!


How is this loving up the beach? It's sand.

Have you ever been to a beach? That poo poo will be just as flat as it ever was once the tide/a strong breeze goes by.

It's pretty drat cool and I'd chill and drink some beers around the fire with that dude.



Dumb life hacks?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlA_YXDm9bg
Excuse the Maddox

Pneub
Mar 12, 2007

I'M THE DEVIL, AND I WILL WASH OVER THE EARTH AND THE SEAS WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF ALL THE SINNERS

I AM REBORN

You could construct that amount of benches out of wood twice as fast as it would take to dig that out.

A Fancy 400 lbs
Jul 24, 2008
I'm assuming from the pictures posted here LifeHackable is satire/a parody. It is, right?

Orange Fluffy Sheep
Jul 26, 2008

Bad EXP received

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

I'm assuming from the pictures posted here LifeHackable is satire/a parody. It is, right?

The problem is I can't tell because half of it is reasonable low-cost solutions to common problems, and half is weird poo poo like where to move. And the strange obsession with Nutella further blurs the line. It's an actual nerdy thing and a perfect parody of nerdiness. :psyduck:

Penny Paper
Dec 31, 2012

Amphigory posted:

I've seen this one loads and it really winds me up:



You can just imagine the sort of smug prick that would do this

I would do this, but not because I'm a smug prick. It's because I have a CD/DVD spindle I don't use anymore (because I have one of those disc sleeve books) and I don't want my bagel sandwich to fall apart in a Ziploc bag and I don't have any Tupperware containers.

casual poster
Jun 29, 2009

So casual.
Fake Pinterest (https://twitter.com/PinterestFake) is right up this threads ally.

quote:

DIY Fireworks: Fire your husband's machine gun into the air a bunch of times

quote:

Make red, white, and blue pie with strawberries, blueberries, and, well, onions? I guess? Oh god.

quote:

Watch a bug slowly die in a Mason Jar

quote:

Crumble bacon into brownie batter so that at least one thing goes right in this god forsaken world.

Alright so after reading the site it seems there are a lot less lifehacks than I had thought, still worth checking out though.

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004

mrhotdogvendor
May 28, 2006
very tired hispanic

netwerk twerk twerk twerking it

Amphigory
Feb 6, 2005




Penny Paper posted:

I would do this, but not because I'm a smug prick. It's because I have a CD/DVD spindle I don't use anymore (because I have one of those disc sleeve books) and I don't want my bagel sandwich to fall apart in a Ziploc bag and I don't have any Tupperware containers.

If you do this - just know I will be judging you from afar

stratdax
Sep 14, 2006

Penny Paper posted:

I would do this, but not because I'm a smug prick. It's because I have a CD/DVD spindle I don't use anymore (because I have one of those disc sleeve books) and I don't want my bagel sandwich to fall apart in a Ziploc bag and I don't have any Tupperware containers.

Saran wrap.

Edit: Although I guess that's wasteful. Buy some Tupperware, jeez. Spend $4 to make your life better.

stratdax has a new favorite as of 08:34 on Jul 10, 2014

Humboldt Squid
Jan 21, 2006

stratdax posted:

Saran wrap.

Edit: Although I guess that's wasteful. Buy some Tupperware, jeez. Spend $4 to make your life better.

Tupperware is also generally made from food safe plastics unlike cd spindles.

FutonForensic
Nov 11, 2012

Yeah, then you don't have to worry about boring a hole thorough all the non-bagel parts of the sandwich either.

A CRAB IRL
May 6, 2009

If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea



ZERE VILL BE ORDER IN MEIN SANDWICH

magic pantaloons
Jan 9, 2012

Ain't you ever seen a naked chick riding a clam before?
Does anyone have a link to some scans from a British Women's magazine that had a handy hints section mostly with using menstrual pads and tampons for life hacks (like Christmas ornaments and padding on your hips to make curves)? It had two employees from the magazine trying them out and being photographed while approving of them.

Also there was a bit about putting hard boiled eggs in your coat pockets to warm your hands as well as being a snack.

magic pantaloons has a new favorite as of 12:26 on Jul 10, 2014

Tiggum
Oct 24, 2007

Your life and your quest end here.


magic pantaloons posted:

Does anyone have a link to some scans from a British Women's magazine that had a handy hints section mostly with using menstrual pads and tampons for live hacks (like Christmas ornaments and padding on your hips to make curves)? It had two employees from the magazine trying them out and being photographed while approving of them.

The two of them went by one combined name. It was something like Chezzy (Cheryl + Lizzy), although I'll be surprised if I've actually remembered it correctly. I'm pretty sure one of their tips was the frozen toothpaste as mints one.

magic pantaloons
Jan 9, 2012

Ain't you ever seen a naked chick riding a clam before?

Tiggum posted:

The two of them went by one combined name. It was something like Chezzy (Cheryl + Lizzy), although I'll be surprised if I've actually remembered it correctly. I'm pretty sure one of their tips was the frozen toothpaste as mints one.

It was posted in one of the Funny Pictures threads a few years ago and then saw it again in an Imgur gallery.

Oh god, now I remember the frozen toothpaste mints.

edit: I found a link

http://heroofswitzerland.blogspot.com.au/search/label/Top%20Tips



edit2: This is pretty an everyday thing in Australia

magic pantaloons has a new favorite as of 12:43 on Jul 10, 2014

cmndstab
May 20, 2006

Huge Internet Celebrity!
Honestly, if you can't afford a handful of mints, you shouldn't really be hosting a dinner party. That's the cheapest part of the entire meal.

OldTennisCourt
Sep 11, 2011

by VideoGames
I love the little bubble saying "These are great but holy poo poo ONLY EAT ONE."

Dangit Ronpaul
May 12, 2009
http://lifehacker.com/hack-the-chipotle-burrito-bowl-for-more-meat-by-orderin-1006571055

tl;dr: maximize the amount of meat you get at chipotle by not only ordering nothing but a giant pile of meat and guac, but doing it in the spergiest and most annoying way possible

Dr Snofeld
Apr 30, 2009

Dangit Ronpaul posted:

http://lifehacker.com/hack-the-chipotle-burrito-bowl-for-more-meat-by-orderin-1006571055

tl;dr: maximize the amount of meat you get at chipotle by not only ordering nothing but a giant pile of meat and guac, but doing it in the spergiest and most annoying way possible

This one also works if you don't like going out to eat, because after seeing you order a big old plate of meat with guacamole dumped on it, nobody will ever invite you out to eat again, you disgusting loser.

magic pantaloons
Jan 9, 2012

Ain't you ever seen a naked chick riding a clam before?
Buzzfeed article, but more of those 'Top Tips':

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ailbhemalone/25-astonishingly-useless-tips-found-in-womens-magazines

edit: And this

http://fuckyourlifehacks.tumblr.com/

magic pantaloons has a new favorite as of 14:34 on Jul 10, 2014

Endymion FRS MK1
Oct 29, 2011

I don't know what this thing is, and I don't care. I'm just tired of seeing your stupid newbie av from 2011.

I really like that eating utensil clock though :saddowns:

evobatman
Jul 30, 2006

it means nothing, but says everything!
Pillbug
You can fertilize your lawn with old motor oil.

SLOSifl
Aug 10, 2002


One neat trick to keep your house cool in summer is to fill the entire building with ice.

edit: Another weird trick to keep your house warm in winter is to fill the entire building with mice.

This one was passed down by my great grandmother - if you have trouble eating food in tin cans, take the food out of the can first. The empty tin can can also be used as a hat for the food if you turn it upside down.

SLOSifl has a new favorite as of 18:31 on Jul 10, 2014

FluxFaun
Apr 7, 2010



this one's really gross. Now your hoodie is gonna be all gross and greasy and smell like oil. Bleergh.

Edit:



man am I glad that I have a perfectly empty and huge room just so I can make a book igloo. And I'm really glad I'll never get to read any of the ones in the middle again, because then the igloo will tumble the gently caress down around my ears. I wish there was a case that would hold my books. Oh well, that'll never happen.

FluxFaun has a new favorite as of 19:16 on Jul 10, 2014

MLKQUOTEMACHINE
Oct 22, 2012

Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill
As if their hair isn't greasy and smelly as poo poo?

Wanamingo
Feb 22, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Sex tips count as a lifehack, right?



Men's Health posted:

1. "Hold her gaze for a minute. If she's blinking more than normal (which is about 15 times a minute), there's a good chance she's on the Pill; women on birth control blink 32 percent more than those who aren't.”

3. “Stroke her forearm first. This area of the arm is packed with pleasure nerves that respond best to a touch traveling 1 to 10 centimeters per second… [to stimulate] an area of the brain associated with trust and affection.”

6. "If you're out in public but want to make your intentions clear, slowly and firmly flick your tongue against the palm of her hand. If she just wipes it off down her skirt, you've blown it."

17. Rent private fighter jets and fly them.

19. Hire a private violinist to follow you and your woman around on the street.

25. “Adding a touch of danger to the day will stimulate dopamine in her brain, triggering her sex drive.”

Cosmo posted:

8. "Chew a small piece of mango… then take him in your mouth. You can use whatever fruit you have, just don't try anything too acidic, as it can burn him."

9. “Go hot and cold. During oral, suck in air as you go down and blow it out as you go up.”

10. “As you’re going down on him, shake your head from side to side, letting your tongue follow the same pattern on the extra sensitive underside of his penis.”

11. "As you move your mouth up and down his shaft, rotate your hand in a corkscrew motion while spiraling your tongue in the opposite direction."

27. [When you’ve got an annoying roommate] "Rent a horror movie and play it while you have sex. If they hear any screams, they'll assume it's the movie."

29. "When he's least expecting it, tell your man you need some change. Then stick your hand in his pocket and touch his penis through the fabric, pretending that you're really digging around for that coinage you need. When he's good and hard, whisper something in his ear like, "Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

From here and here.

Leper Residue
Sep 28, 2003

To where no dog has gone before.

Wanamingo posted:

Sex tips count as a lifehack, right?





From here and here.

These people have to have the worse sex lives ever and they're intent on making everyone elses miserable as hell too.

FutonForensic
Nov 11, 2012

Wanamingo posted:

Sex tips count as a lifehack, right?





From here and here.

Reminds me of the :nms: Grapefruit Technique. :nms:

Edit: Oh my God. :cripes:

FutonForensic has a new favorite as of 21:26 on Jul 10, 2014

Fathis Munk
Feb 23, 2013

??? ?

Sociopastry posted:


this one's really gross. Now your hoodie is gonna be all gross and greasy and smell like oil. Bleergh.

Just don't use a hoody then !



E: Does Wikihow count as Life Hacks ?

quote:

How to Be Loved
1. Build your self esteem.

3. Adjust your definition of love.
3. Get a pet.

4. Join a church.
6. Volunteer. Volunteering is the best way for you to feel loved

Fathis Munk has a new favorite as of 21:34 on Jul 10, 2014

blunt for century
Jul 4, 2008

I've got a bone to pick.

FutonForensic posted:

Reminds me of the :nms: Grapefruit Technique. :nms:

Edit: Oh my God. :cripes:



Oh god, imagine trying to go to bed after a night of drinking with these goddamn stairs in your way

casual poster
Jun 29, 2009

So casual.

That is probably the worst picture they could of used. That thing is just starring through your loveless shell of a body. They couldn't of come up with a better one?

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010
Pillbug

Grossness of literally feeding your guests toothpaste aside, isn't a tube of toothpaste way more expensive than just getting a roll of mentos and dumping them in a bowl?

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FutonForensic
Nov 11, 2012

Stalin McHitler posted:

Oh god, imagine trying to go to bed after a night of drinking with these goddamn stairs in your way

The lack of structural support, the lack of a railing, and the knee-high steps are bad enough, but what really takes the cake is the pointy bauble on the steps. It's a deliberate death trap!

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