tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

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Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

philadelphia you rat how could you give your own brother the old spicy utility truck

I was twenty feet up and thought he left the interior light on but then it got brighter

# ? Mar 22, 2016 15:49

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 23, 2024 13:45

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

i funded his kickstarter and got some cool posters and stuff that are currently hanging next to my desk :3:

# ? Mar 22, 2016 15:49

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Moist von Lipwig posted:

it's been posted umpteen billion times but I read the whole thing every drat time

# ? Mar 22, 2016 16:46

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

philadelphia you rat how could you give your own brother the old spicy utility truck

I knew this joke was coming, but well executed

# ? Mar 22, 2016 16:47

Elder Postsman: Aug 30, 2000; i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Jonny 290 posted:

cmon we had sr71 chat and nobody posted the best story (or i missed it) ?

i fuckin' love this story

# ? Mar 22, 2016 17:31

Chris Knight: Jun 5, 2002; me @ ur posts; Fun Shoe

Moist von Lipwig posted:

it's been posted umpteen billion times but I read the whole thing every drat time

same. so good

# ? Mar 22, 2016 17:35

Panty Saluter: Jan 17, 2004; Making learning fun!

Captain Foo posted:

I knew this joke was coming, but well executed

# ? Mar 22, 2016 17:37

Moist von Lipwig: Oct 28, 2006; by FactsAreUseless; Tortured By Flan

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

philadelphia you rat how could you give your own brother the old spicy utility truck

lol

# ? Mar 22, 2016 17:40

Juul-Whip: Mar 10, 2008

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

i at least think my programming makes the world worse off rather than believe it's akin to like, master carpentry or whatever

poetry. you compose poetry understood by the machine.

# ? Mar 22, 2016 18:18

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

philadelphia you rat how could you give your own brother the old spicy utility truck

heeeee

# ? Mar 22, 2016 18:20

Elder Postsman: Aug 30, 2000; i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

That other story where they jet blast some British cadets is better imo

it's this one

http://foxtrotalpha.jalopnik.com/the-sr-71-blackbirds-most-spectacular-flyover-was-also-1719654907

also v. good.

# ? Mar 22, 2016 18:57

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

anybody see that mythbusters where they said that "the u2 is a freakin cool plane" was a myth so they could go test it by taking a ride

i wonder how bad it hurt jamie to let adam take the ride just cuz he'd be more entertaining on camera

# ? Mar 22, 2016 19:08

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

GameCube posted:

anybody see that mythbusters where they said that "the u2 is a freakin cool plane" was a myth so they could go test it by taking a ride

i wonder how bad it hurt jamie to let adam take the ride just cuz he'd be more entertaining on camera

the science channel was stuck in some weird loop where they'd play that same loving episode every single night at like 11 PM every day of every week for over a month, i have no idea why

# ? Mar 22, 2016 20:57

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

to bring it back to the thread's topic that was also the episode where they drove a drone into a ballistics gel neck and sliced clear through to the jugular :allears:

# ? Mar 22, 2016 20:59

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Last spring, as Beckett Delaney was hoverboarding to his office in SoHo, his man bun flailing behind him in the wind, he came to an abrupt halt.

�I realized I just couldn�t work that day,� Delaney recalled recently, in between puffs of an e-cigarette outside the Bushwick Sweetgreen. �Because I hadn�t finished binge-watching Master of None.�

Delaney�s attitude is typical of his youthful cohort. Millennials�the demographic group also known as Generation Y, Generation Me, and Daesh�have found it difficult to balance dueling priorities as they exit their parents� basements and enter the real world.

They have stacked up record student loan debt, and yet spend thousands on frivolous items like Beyonc� concert tickets and groceries; they yearn for more than just a paycheck, and yet continue to be employed in jobs that provide them with paychecks in return for their labor; and they enjoy watching television and movies, but also Vine.

�For me, the most important thing is expressing myself,� said Jewel Packard, 24, during an interview conducted via reaction GIFs in the communication app Slack. �Sometimes that means tattoos, and sometimes that means podcasts.�

Packard, who co-works at a bespoke underwear startup, and whose hobbies include 7 a.m. dance parties and sexting, said that she values her ability to express herself almost as much as she values her parents� Netflix account.

�When it comes down to it, life is really all about finding a hashtag for yourself and sending hilarious emoji on Venmo,� Packard said, and then, after a moment of reflection, added: �Lena Dunham.�

Beckett Delaney agrees. Delaney lives in the Empire State Building, which his parents bought for him; he often invites fellow millennials, whom he meets on relationship apps, to his bedroom, so that they can kiss. (Occasionally, they copulate.)

Not that Delaney is looking to settle down. On the subject of marriage, Delaney, who practices yoga but is also an atheist, echoed an idea that the DJ/Model/Ecoterrorist Callista Larson often repeats to her hundreds of thousands of devoted Instagram followers.

�You�ve gotta ask yourself: Would you downvote the Yik Yak of your own life?� Delaney mused. His mood quickly soured. �Broad City is on,� he explained, removing a selfie stick from his man-purse.

This devotion to personal expression has presented itself in several outlets for the cosmopolitan millennial, including the $435 �Hamilton�-themed SoulCycle class in Red Hook, and the increasing popularity of Dr. Vanessa Sullivan, a hypnotherapist in Murray Hill who speaks only in references to the 1999 film She�s All That.

Whether millennials can sustain this rosy outlook as they assume corporate leadership roles and settle down with their Tinder wives is less certain.

�Millennials haven�t proven anything,� said Farley Cornmuncher, the 87-year-old Johns Hopkins professor and expert on millennial behavior. �Whether it�s their laziness, or their hookup culture, or their insistence on living with roommates, it�s clear that millennials have different values than those of us who are seventy years older than they are.�

Perhaps no one embodies this difference better than Davis Parkworth. The CEO of venture-backed shoelace marketplace Eyelet, Parkworth, 23, oversees an office where employees must give �trigger warnings� before entering the cafeteria, and where the office speaker system plays hits from Adele just as often as new tunes from 13-year-old YouTube a cappella sensation Kurtiz Blorch.

�If we�re not helping the environment, we�re not a successful company,� Parkworth enthused, wiping a kale stem from his handlebar mustache.

�Feel the Bern!� one of Parkworth�s employees shouted, generating a roar of approval from the kombucha-sipping creative team, many of whom had never applied for a mortgage or car loan. Just then Fillmore, the office rooster, strutted by. This was not your father�s shoelace company.

But then, emulating the previous generation doesn�t interest millennials like Parkworth, Packard, or Beckett Delaney.

�When I look back at my life, I want to know that I slayed,� Delaney said, using a slang term for �succeeded.� He spun in circles on his hoverboard, listening to pirated rap music and canceling his cable subscription.

�If that makes me a selfish millennial,� Delaney concluded, re-adjusting his Warby Parker monocle, �well, at least I�m keeping it 100.�

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:09

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

FMguru posted:

Last spring, as Beckett Delaney was hoverboarding to his office in SoHo, his man bun flailing behind him in the wind, he came to an abrupt halt.

I realized I just couldnt work that day, Delaney recalled recently, in between puffs of an e-cigarette outside the Bushwick Sweetgreen. Because I hadnt finished binge-watching Master of None.

Delaneys attitude is typical of his youthful cohort. Millennialsthe demographic group also known as Generation Y, Generation Me, and Daeshhave found it difficult to balance dueling priorities as they exit their parents basements and enter the real world.

They have stacked up record student loan debt, and yet spend thousands on frivolous items like Beyonc concert tickets and groceries; they yearn for more than just a paycheck, and yet continue to be employed in jobs that provide them with paychecks in return for their labor; and they enjoy watching television and movies, but also Vine.

For me, the most important thing is expressing myself, said Jewel Packard, 24, during an interview conducted via reaction GIFs in the communication app Slack. Sometimes that means tattoos, and sometimes that means podcasts.

Packard, who co-works at a bespoke underwear startup, and whose hobbies include 7 a.m. dance parties and sexting, said that she values her ability to express herself almost as much as she values her parents Netflix account.

When it comes down to it, life is really all about finding a hashtag for yourself and sending hilarious emoji on Venmo, Packard said, and then, after a moment of reflection, added: Lena Dunham.

Beckett Delaney agrees. Delaney lives in the Empire State Building, which his parents bought for him; he often invites fellow millennials, whom he meets on relationship apps, to his bedroom, so that they can kiss. (Occasionally, they copulate.)

Not that Delaney is looking to settle down. On the subject of marriage, Delaney, who practices yoga but is also an atheist, echoed an idea that the DJ/Model/Ecoterrorist Callista Larson often repeats to her hundreds of thousands of devoted Instagram followers.

Youve gotta ask yourself: Would you downvote the Yik Yak of your own life? Delaney mused. His mood quickly soured. Broad City is on, he explained, removing a selfie stick from his man-purse.

This devotion to personal expression has presented itself in several outlets for the cosmopolitan millennial, including the $435 Hamilton-themed SoulCycle class in Red Hook, and the increasing popularity of Dr. Vanessa Sullivan, a hypnotherapist in Murray Hill who speaks only in references to the 1999 film Shes All That.

Whether millennials can sustain this rosy outlook as they assume corporate leadership roles and settle down with their Tinder wives is less certain.

Millennials havent proven anything, said Farley Cornmuncher, the 87-year-old Johns Hopkins professor and expert on millennial behavior. Whether its their laziness, or their hookup culture, or their insistence on living with roommates, its clear that millennials have different values than those of us who are seventy years older than they are.

Perhaps no one embodies this difference better than Davis Parkworth. The CEO of venture-backed shoelace marketplace Eyelet, Parkworth, 23, oversees an office where employees must give trigger warnings before entering the cafeteria, and where the office speaker system plays hits from Adele just as often as new tunes from 13-year-old YouTube a cappella sensation Kurtiz Blorch.

If were not helping the environment, were not a successful company, Parkworth enthused, wiping a kale stem from his handlebar mustache.

Feel the Bern! one of Parkworths employees shouted, generating a roar of approval from the kombucha-sipping creative team, many of whom had never applied for a mortgage or car loan. Just then Fillmore, the office rooster, strutted by. This was not your fathers shoelace company.

But then, emulating the previous generation doesnt interest millennials like Parkworth, Packard, or Beckett Delaney.

When I look back at my life, I want to know that I slayed, Delaney said, using a slang term for succeeded. He spun in circles on his hoverboard, listening to pirated rap music and canceling his cable subscription.

If that makes me a selfish millennial, Delaney concluded, re-adjusting his Warby Parker monocle, well, at least Im keeping it 100.

hehe

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:14

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Smythe posted:

hehe

which one is you smythe

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:24

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

FMguru posted:

which one is you smythe

dont think im featured in this artcile, im afraid. not a new yorker

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:27

overdesigned: Apr 10, 2003; We are compassion...; Lipstick Apathy

that's fake right

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:29

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

overdesigned posted:

that's fake right

No, look it up, Beckett Delaney really does own the Empire State Building.

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:32

born on a buy you: Aug 14, 2005; Odd Fullback
Bird Gang
Sack Them All

smythe is a jew corker. loves the wine but can never finish a bottle in one sitting

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:33

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

born on a buy you posted:

smythe is a jew corker. loves the wine but can never finish a bottle in one sitting

This guy is Beckett Delaney IRL

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:34

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

and the increasing popularity of Dr. Vanessa Sullivan, a hypnotherapist in Murray Hill who speaks only in references to the 1999 film Shes All That.

dead

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:35

born on a buy you: Aug 14, 2005; Odd Fullback
Bird Gang
Sack Them All

Citizen Tayne posted:

This guy is Beckett Delaney IRL

i wish my name was as upper middle class white guy as that.

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:37

EIDE Van Hagar: Dec 8, 2000; Beep Boop

Jonny 290 posted:

and the increasing popularity of Dr. Vanessa Sullivan, a hypnotherapist in Murray Hill who speaks only in references to the 1999 film Shes All That.

dead

this part actually sounds way better than a normal therapist

# ? Mar 22, 2016 22:54

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

kwinkles posted:

this part actually sounds way better than a normal therapist

or even an analyst/therapist

# ? Mar 22, 2016 23:03

prefect: Sep 11, 2001; No one, Woodhouse.
No one.; Dead Man’s Band

FMguru posted:

or even an analyst/therapist

really need to go back and re-watch all of those :allears:

# ? Mar 22, 2016 23:07

kitten emergency: Jan 13, 2008; get meow this wack-ass crystal prison

im mostly surprised Hamilton-themed SoulCycle isn't already a thing

# ? Mar 22, 2016 23:15

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

uncurable mlady posted:

im mostly surprised Hamilton-themed SoulCycle isn't already a thing

soulcycles already come and gone its orangetheory now

# ? Mar 22, 2016 23:55

EIDE Van Hagar: Dec 8, 2000; Beep Boop

Jonny 290 posted:

soulcycles already come and gone its orangetheory now

i know someone who does this

she is a management consultant
she is on adderall all the time
she wakes up at 5 am every god drat morning

# ? Mar 22, 2016 23:58

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Jonny 290 posted:

orangetheory

Dare I ask ?

# ? Mar 22, 2016 23:59

ambient oatmeal: Jun 23, 2012

kwinkles posted:

i know someone who does this

she is a management consultant
she is on adderall all the time
she wakes up at 5 am every god drat morning

I wake up at 5 every morning

# ? Mar 23, 2016 00:03

EIDE Van Hagar: Dec 8, 2000; Beep Boop

jre posted:

Dare I ask ?

everyone gets a heart rate monitor and your heart rate is displayed on a giant board in the front of the room along with everyone else's, and you get to compete to see who has the better heart rate / fitness level as defined by their weird "orange zone" which is basically just "not really your maximum heart rate but close" and whoever does the best job of staying in their orange zone..... wins i guess? idk

# ? Mar 23, 2016 00:03