shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

cash crab posted:

Possible reposts of mostly cringey tumblr poo poo YOUR FAVOURITE MMM

My grandfather forced my gold digging materialistic mother to stay with my dad long enough so he could knock her up

# ? Apr 1, 2016 12:03

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# ? May 26, 2024 18:05

SEX BURRITO: Jun 30, 2007; Not much fun

Is putting stuff in someone's hood considered bullying? Also, isn't it revenge enough that your high school bully is an adult working as a lifeguard? That's a summer job for teenagers.

# ? Apr 1, 2016 13:13

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
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Doing anything to someone's person or property against their will or consent is bullying at the least hope that helps

# ? Apr 1, 2016 13:26

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

walrusman posted:

Oregon too, thanks to a chick I knew in high school.

And did you learn your lesson?

# ? Apr 1, 2016 19:38

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

quote:

A teacher was teaching her class of students when she relayed a story about a cruise ship capsized at sea.

On the ship, there was a couple that managed to make their way to a lifeboat, but then realized there was only space for one.

Although I can�t confirm whether this story actually happened or not, I certainly think we can all learn something from it.

A cruise ship capsized while at sea. On the ship was a couple who, after having made their way to the lifeboat, realized that there was only space for one person left.

At this moment, the man pushed the woman behind him and jumped onto the lifeboat himself.

The lady stood on the sinking ship and shouted one sentence to her husband.
The teacher stopped and asked: �What do you think she shouted?�

Most of the students excitedly answered: �I hate you! I was blind!�

Now, the teacher noticed a boy who was silent throughout, she got him to answer and he replied: �Teacher, I believe she would have shouted � Take care of our child!�

The teacher was surprised, asking: �Have you heard this story before?�

The boy shook his head: �Nope, but that was what my mom told my dad before she died to disease.�

The teacher lamented: �The answer is right.�

The cruise sunk, the man went home and brought up their daughter single-handedly.

Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter found his diary while tidying his belongings.

It turns out that when parents went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with terminal illness. At the critical moment, the father rushed to the only chance of survival.

He wrote in his diary: �How I wished to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I can only let you lie forever below the sea alone.�

The story is finished. The class was completely silent.

The teacher knows that the student has understood the moral of the story, that of the good and the evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand.

Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.

Those who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.

Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.

Those who apologize first after a fight, do so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.

Those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do but because you are in their heart.

One day, all of us will get separated from each other. We will miss our conversations of everything and nothing and the dreams we had. Days, months and years will pass until this contact becomes rare.

One day, our children will see our pictures and ask: �Who are these people?�
And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: �It was them that I had the best days of my life with.�

Feel free to share this moving tale of love and life with all your family and friends.

STDH about STDH!

# ? Apr 2, 2016 05:58

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

Tunicate posted:

STDH about STDH!

I hate you! I was blind!

what

# ? Apr 2, 2016 06:03

System Metternich: Feb 28, 2010; But what did he mean by that?

And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word

# ? Apr 2, 2016 07:47

Bogmonster: Oct 17, 2007; The Bogey is a philosopher who knows

So did they go on the cruise without their daughter, or what?

# ? Apr 2, 2016 08:26

RNG: Jul 9, 2009

Tunicate posted:

STDH about STDH!

And the husband shouted one word: "owned."

# ? Apr 2, 2016 13:23

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

The story reads like it was translated by someone who isn't really that fluent with English, not as bad as a straight-up google translate but it just has that slightly off nature about it. But I seriously can't fathom what that is supposed to mean and why it was such an obvious response that the whole class called it out.

# ? Apr 2, 2016 14:03

Rat Patrol: Feb 15, 2008; kill kill kill kill
kill me now

"I was blind to what an rear end in a top hat you are," or "I thought we were in love but I was blind," is how I understood it.

# ? Apr 2, 2016 14:19

Stahlgeist: Nov 19, 2009

It's meant to be along the lines of "I was blind for ever seeing any good in you!". It's the kind of expression you see and hear in overwrought drama. Not an obvious response for a bunch of classroom kids to conjure up.

E: f,b.

# ? Apr 2, 2016 14:21

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

I thought it was just a bunch of kids shouting dumb joke responses, as kids are want to "I'm blind" "I hate you" "I pooped my pants"

# ? Apr 2, 2016 14:36

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

sweeperbravo posted:

The story reads like it was translated by someone who isn't really that fluent with English, not as bad as a straight-up google translate but it just has that slightly off nature about it. But I seriously can't fathom what that is supposed to mean and why it was such an obvious response that the whole class called it out.

I can't really nail down why, and it may even be a little bit racist, but for some reason I feel like a majority of these sappy stories originate from the general vicinity of India. Something about the combination of sentimentality, morality and native-but-obviously-not-American-or-British English.

# ? Apr 2, 2016 14:54

Leninboarrir: May 11, 2006; stupid monster

http://imgur.com/gallery/b2zzv

-Has girlfriend saved in his phone as "My Beautiful Sunshine"
-Interjects memes into casual text conversation with said girlfriend
-Draws memes on himself in lipstick

loving kill me

# ? Apr 2, 2016 15:30

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

System Metternich posted:

And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word

You should do this professionally, just put poo poo like this on canvas for housewives, probably make a fortune.

# ? Apr 2, 2016 15:51

Verisimilidude: Dec 20, 2006; Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges

Leninboarrir posted:

http://imgur.com/gallery/b2zzv

-Has girlfriend saved in his phone as "My Beautiful Sunshine"
-Interjects memes into casual text conversation with said girlfriend
-Draws memes on himself in lipstick

loving kill me

This might be sth because it's insufferable and millennials are also insufferable.

# ? Apr 2, 2016 16:19

booshi: Aug 14, 2004; ||||||||||

Leninboarrir posted:

http://imgur.com/gallery/b2zzv

-Has girlfriend saved in his phone as "My Beautiful Sunshine"
-Interjects memes into casual text conversation with said girlfriend
-Draws memes on himself in lipstick

loving kill me

And apparently all happened in the span of 2 minutes

# ? Apr 3, 2016 05:55

Darth Windu: Mar 17, 2009; by Smythe

booshi posted:

And apparently all happened in the span of 2 minutes

That was probably when he screenshotted it doofus the messages themselves aren't timestamped

# ? Apr 3, 2016 06:21

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

flosofl posted:

Same and in the US. I have never, ever heard or seen "cloud cuckoo land" before reading it yesterday in this very thread.

American, under 50. Knew the word. OTOH, I read A LOT.

# ? Apr 3, 2016 07:58

axolotl farmer: May 17, 2007; Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme

# ? Apr 3, 2016 08:16

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

axolotl farmer posted:

jesus that's the stupidest logic i've read in a while

thank god its stdh

# ? Apr 3, 2016 09:08

fliptophead: Oct 2, 2006

Leninboarrir posted:

http://imgur.com/gallery/b2zzv

-Has girlfriend saved in his phone as "My Beautiful Sunshine"
-Interjects memes into casual text conversation with said girlfriend
-Draws memes on himself in lipstick

loving kill me

"Should of" "Everything of"

It is "should have" "EVERYTHING HAVE" you smoker. Just gently caress Off (Had).

# ? Apr 3, 2016 12:21

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

# ? Apr 3, 2016 12:25

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

axolotl farmer posted:

I'm not irresponsible with guns and children, because there exists someone who is even more irresponsible with guns and children!

See also: I don't have a drinking problem. I only drink two boxes of wine every day. My mate Larry drinks four boxes of wine every day. That's what a drinking problem is.

# ? Apr 3, 2016 12:29

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

same

# ? Apr 3, 2016 13:35

System Metternich: Feb 28, 2010; But what did he mean by that?

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Yer a wizard, Harry

# ? Apr 3, 2016 14:33

Mr. Belpit: Nov 11, 2008

Tunicate posted:

STDH about STDH!

The way the dialogue's written makes me imagine each character staring off into the middle distance and pausing dramatically after key words..

Also seconding that this sounds like the kind of thing that might've been written in India or Singapore, with all the overwrought sentimality and peculiar phrasing.

# ? Apr 3, 2016 14:33

Furia: Jul 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

quote:

Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.

So was this written by a gigantic underachiever that need to feel better because he understands "true love"?

# ? Apr 3, 2016 15:42

LITERALLY A BIRD: Sep 27, 2008; I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

System Metternich posted:

And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word

You have no idea how sad I am this doesn't fit as a thread title.

# ? Apr 3, 2016 21:10

Selachian: Oct 9, 2012

STDH, The Movie.

# ? Apr 4, 2016 00:12

OldMemes: Sep 5, 2011; I have to go now. My planet needs me.

It's written in Tommy Wiseau-ese, a rare tongue, with only one native speaker.

# ? Apr 4, 2016 00:13

LITERALLY A BIRD: Sep 27, 2008; I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

Jesus.

# ? Apr 4, 2016 00:53

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Jesus.

Praise Him, apparently.

# ? Apr 4, 2016 00:57

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Whoa double modpost. This must be some sort of holy thread.

# ? Apr 4, 2016 01:00

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Scathach posted:

Whoa double modpost. This must be some sort of holy thread.

Two mods have posted in succession on this page. This will bring you fame and fortune, but only if you post "Stay safe poverty mods" before the next page. Otherwise you will be cursed forever.

# ? Apr 4, 2016 01:22

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

Stay safe poverty mods

# ? Apr 4, 2016 01:23

Owl Inspector: Sep 14, 2011

If you chant LITERALLY A BIRD three times to a mirror at midnight, a mod appears and posts in all your favorite threads.

# ? Apr 4, 2016 01:33

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

If you only chant it twice you get the budget version, goose fleet

# ? Apr 4, 2016 01:34

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# ? May 26, 2024 18:05

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Stay safe poverty mods

# ? Apr 4, 2016 01:40

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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