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After doing poo poo all in the last couple fights (other than dying early) I'm glad Slam Whale was able to pull out a couple of kills this time, and do enough damage to help tip the scales. I'm hoping that Go Big make the finals, even though we'll likely be up against one of the top teams and thus get crushed in the first round.
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Apr 8, 2016 02:15
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I wanted to get 2 fights done today, but that didn't happen. 2 fights left after this one. One is ZeeToo and me fighting. If ZeeToo runs it and I lose, then I call shenanigans and will rerun it correctly on Monday.  Round 14, Fight 6 Cool Rad Awesome Pals (5-8) is on the left side of the arena. Punc Hant (Silverminnow) is a female soldier ant woman. She is empty handed and wears a steel breast plate and steel gauntlets. BS-45 "Apeliminator" (alcharagia) is a male strangler. He wields a copper pick and wears an iron cap. Jimbo Akimbo (Bad Munki) is a male dwarf. He wields two copper war hammers and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. The Krying Bowbold Returns! (Krysmphoenix) is a female kobold. She wields a steel bow and wears no armor. The Plump Helmets (9-4) is on the right side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields two copper spears and wears a bronze cap, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots.  The Plump Helmets is a 2.32 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 5373.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2313.00 dwarfbucks for Cool Rad Awesome Pals.  This looks to be a battle of the titans. Dory and James who are deadly as hell against the dreaded Apeliminator.  The match starts with a twang and a clang.  Dory is hurting, and one of her spears is on the ground.  The fighters clash with Punc Hant bruising Dory's stomach. Punc Hant loses a hand to Josie. Dory slices another of the antwomans hands in two.  Dory charges Apeliminator, but the strangler jumps to his feet and sends his pick into Dory's leg which buckles beneath the minotaur. Panty Thief's missed charge sends Dory flying to the ground unconscious.  Panty Thief grabs Apeliminator and gives him a heave. Apeliminator is airborne. The arrow in the gif slams into Dory's leg. Bowbold needs to pick a new target.  Jimbo Akimbo takes a blow to his neck which is protected by armor, then breaks James' thigh and down goes the human. Josie swipes at the flying strangler and crushes one of the four hands.  Apeliminator lands with a thump, but he's relatively unharmed. He stands up, stunned, and tries to catch his breath. At the same time Jimbo breaks another bone or three and James passes out from pain. A hammer to the head and James is no more.  Josie smashes Punc Hant's leg and the antwoman passes out.  Jimbo begins smashing the downed Dory's head and Panty Thief charges north to stop Jimbo. Josie crushes Punc Hants head.  And Jimbo follows suit with Dory. Apeliminator and Jimbo with an archer for support against Panty Thief and Josie.  Bowbold fires again, but Josie blocks with her shield.  The fighters single out an enemy. Can Apeliminator hold on against Panty Thief? The huge yeti grabs Apeliminator and throws him straight into the air. Apeliminator lands, basically unharmed again.  Josie gets the best of Jimbo by fracturing his foot and a dozen other bodyparts. Panty Thief throws Apeliminator for a third time...  ..straight at Jimbo. Jimbo somehow dodges and Josie decides to play baseball with the flying object. The strangler lands hard, breaking a wrist in the process along with another hand almost tearing off. Apeliminators unconscious body has flown into Josie, knocking the elf to the floor. Jimbo takes full advantage of this gift from the heavens and shatters Josie's hand. Josie drops her only weapon. What a turn of events    Panty Thief arrives and crushes Apeliminators head with his fist. An arrow flies through the melee and embeds itself in Josie throat. Josie is gushing blood and won't be long for this world. Jimbo paralyzes her for good measure.  The yeti grabs Jimbo and throws him into the air for his 4th throw of the match.  Jimbo lands, jumps to his feet, and smashes Panty Thiefs foot. Panty Thief is enraged. Oops, that wasn't a good move Jimbo.  Panty Thiefs next attack is a scratch to the face which tears muscles and knocks Jimbo unconscious. A few punches and Jimbos face is caved in.  Panty Thief, still enraged, charges Bowbold.  The Good: Bowbold dodges away easily and readies another arrrow. The Bad: Bowbold shoots Josie in the chest.  Panty Thief catches Bowbold immediately, breaking bones and then crushing his face. The Plump Helmets won with a very close 4-2 victory. One arrow landing or solid blow on Panty Thief would have swung the match the other way. That was a great fight. Kills: Panty Thief: 3 Josie: 1 Jimbo: 2 Combat Log 
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Apr 8, 2016 17:08
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I love that when part of Plump Helmets folds, the other part is almost always able to pick up the slack.
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Apr 8, 2016 17:17
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He does like to throw. Nobody else throws as much.
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Apr 8, 2016 17:19
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Ramc posted:I love that when part of Plump Helmets folds, the other part is almost always able to pick up the slack. Yeah, you guys have 4 deadly fighters. You will always be able to find a mismatch somewhere in there.
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Apr 8, 2016 17:20
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Wow that was goddamn close.
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Apr 8, 2016 17:20
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Damnitall.
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Apr 8, 2016 17:21
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Jimbo Akimbo has half again as many kills as the rest of the team put together: Is Bad Munki's gladiator the only one making an effort, or are the rest of the team demoralised by being associated with him? The Plump Helmets once again match Worse Munki on 47 kills: The Animists can overtake them, but it's pretty tight at the top.
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Apr 8, 2016 17:35
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Good fight. I did tell my team that while we're likely to win, I wouldn't be surprised if you guys pull out a win somehow. And you almost did it! But, you know, Panty Thief. Notice how Dory was taken out of the fight mostly by an archer. Archers aren't bad, the meta is just heavily scewed against them at the moment. AJ_Impy posted:Jimbo Akimbo has half again as many kills as the rest of the team put together: Is Bad Munki's gladiator the only one making an effort, or are the rest of the team demoralised by being associated with him? Jimbo Akimbo has a legitimately powerful build.
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Apr 8, 2016 17:39
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AJ_Impy posted:Jimbo Akimbo has half again as many kills as the rest of the team put together: Is Bad Munki's gladiator the only one making an effort, or are the rest of the team demoralised by being associated with him? Why not both?
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Apr 8, 2016 17:40
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AJ_Impy posted:Jimbo Akimbo has half again as many kills as the rest of the team put together: Is Bad Munki's gladiator the only one making an effort, or are the rest of the team demoralised by being associated with him? Hey, if my bowbold aimed for the yeti instead, we possibly could have won that! Don't neglect bowbold contributions just because I can randomly cripple an enemy even though I don't get the kill.
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Apr 8, 2016 19:41
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Krysmphoenix posted:Hey, if my bowbold aimed for the yeti instead, we possibly could have won that! Don't neglect bowbold contributions just because I can randomly cripple an enemy even though I don't get the kill. But then you are fighting Dory instead of Panty, who is also a super deadly gladiator.
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Apr 8, 2016 20:16
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Krysmphoenix posted:Hey, if my bowbold aimed for the yeti instead, we possibly could have won that! Don't neglect bowbold contributions just because I can randomly cripple an enemy even though I don't get the kill. Bear in mind my gladiator fights alongside the other Bowbold: Nothing delights me more than seeing the opfor collapse on the initial charge before they even get close.
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Apr 8, 2016 23:30
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Jesus, that was quite a fight.
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Apr 8, 2016 23:47
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Our home run dual tech would have gone off flawlessly if Josie wasn't crowding the plate.
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Apr 9, 2016 00:14
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Great fight!
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Apr 9, 2016 00:30
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Wow, that was really super-close. Good work, both teams!
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Apr 9, 2016 01:16
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my dad posted:Jimbo Akimbo has a legitimately powerful build. Dont post this poo poo here. It will go to his head. A team tournament coming in first, now praise from you? Ugh, he is going to be even more insufferable. Edit: Also his amazing build can watch playoffs from the sidelines. 
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Apr 9, 2016 02:33
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Once this round is over, I am really concerned about the Plump Helmet's next fight. It might be our toughest yet.
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Apr 10, 2016 03:41
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Ramc posted:Once this round is over, I am really concerned about the Plump Helmet's next fight. It might be our toughest yet. this is going to be their first win just because you're doing the same posturing all the bad guy teams do in sports movies
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Apr 10, 2016 05:03
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Tiler Kiwi posted:this is going to be their first win just because you're doing the same posturing all the bad guy teams do in sports movies To be fair, I wouldn't mind losing against them. Even better if it's a game as exciting as the one in which Tin Can got GameOfThrones-d.
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Apr 10, 2016 05:06
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 hotel rooms
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Apr 11, 2016 03:41
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Round 14, Fight 4  The Petting Zoo (7-6) is on the left side of the arena. A Lost Cowman (Locomotive breath) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears a silver helm, leather armor, a steel mail shirt, copper greaves, silver gauntlets, and iron low boots. Simon Belmole (Ablative) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper scourge and wears a copper helm, a copper mail shirt, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Stephen Harper (ChickenWing) is a male serpent man. He wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow (6-7) is on the right side of the arena. Here comes Mongo! (Endorph) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. sn the glorious (ZeeToo) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, a copper breast plate, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Face (Godna) is a male troll. He wields a copper two-handed sword and wears a silver cap, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and silver high boots. Jakob (frankenfreak) is a male werewolf. He wields a bronze mace and wears a copper helm, leather armor, and an iron mail shirt.  The Petting Zoo is a 1.19 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 4684.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 3925.00 dwarfbucks for Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow.  To be honest, the outcome of this fight is incredibly obvious, but for formalities' sake, let's let the Petting Zoo give it a shot, anyway. Can't say I'm not more than fair. Cowman is the fastest, and foolishly he steps up to confront sn.  Cowman, incredibly, manages to punch in sn's tail, then charges and knocks our hero over. Even from there, though, sn is not stunned and blocks Simon breaks Jakob's neck. It's okay, though. It's a copper scourge. I'm pretty sure only silver could actually hurt the werewolf for longer than a second or two. Back to what's important: sn hacks off one of  The fight's sort of turned into two two-on-twos. Face and South, though, the fight is inconclusive. Stephen is holding off the Horrorshow members, but he's not dealing much in return. Back to the main event. Things are looking rough for sn, folks--Cowman has him in a grab, and his kick has broken the mole's spine. By god, that was through a metal breastplate! Nothing below his mouth is working any longer; the spear drops and he falls limply to the ground. Then Our heroic Horrorshow aren't out yet, though, folks. Mongo casually catches Stephen's silver war hammer, twists it out of the little snake's hands, and blocks Simon's whip with it, then grabs at Simon's collar and flips the unbalanced mole to the ground. ...No, really, check the logs.  Blood pools. Too much of it is everyone's idol, sn. Then, somehow, Then the fiendishly despicable  Pictured: abused moles. Won't you give generously to Finally, accidentally, Cowman pierces sn's heart with his horn, striking down our great leader, doubtless to the sound of his own weeping. Elsewhere, Jakob finally gets through Stephen's defense and tears a chunk out of the snake's arm, jumps away from the counter-blow, finds Cowman's head in his mouth, and bites down hard. Cowman is stunned. Mongo, on the other hand, is laying about with his borrowed war hammer, finally beginning to hit Cowman with it.  The Horrorshow give ground. They accidentally stumble into each other, ending with Jakob being stunned. Their guaranteed turn-around is going to be amazing, folks.  Mongo somehow jumps a knight's move in one dwarf-second and throws Simon the same; they were equally far apart one instant ago, but Simon was where Mongo is. I've never seen anything that big move that quickly! This does mean that Mongo is surrounded, though, and the onslaught of so many villains means his ribs are broken. Jakob shakes off his stunning, and tries to sneak up on Cowman, who anticipated the move and grabs the dog's panting tongue so he can drag the valiant warrior to the arena floor. From there, though, Jakob breaks the cow's foot, then stands up, none the worse for wear. He even tries to smash in Stephen's head, but the snake's skull is too sturdy. Mongo tries another charge at Simon, who has grown wise to such tricks. The lesser mole sidesteps, lashes out with a scourge that breaks trollish bone, and leaves him open for Not to worry, though. Just when things seem darkest, the hero's allies always find hidden reserves and...  Mongo is the target for everyone, now. His copper cap, flimsy though it might seem, is a defense too mighty for any wicked force to breach. Blow after blow is absorbed to no real effect. Eventually, though, Now, though, Jakob's copper helm is even more powerful, and... Um, hold on, folks, please, calm your crying children down, but we seem to have had a bit of a writing malfunction and I'm sure we can sort this out if we just stay calm and don't panic about the ant with the vile magic daggers and magic punches that's what do you mean behi  Kills A Lost Cowman: 1 Combat Log
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Apr 11, 2016 07:46
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You might even say antwoman gets a lot of strikethroughs
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Apr 11, 2016 07:50
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The Zoo are now a mere three kills behind the Dentists, though they have the 8 more deaths of their two additional defeats. Gemclod once again ties the round with Boatmurdered, and with Gemclod having a +16 superior kill difference over the first three battles, only a clean sweep of clean sweeps will earn Boatmurdered a draw if it goes to kills in the final interdivisional. Unless every single Boatmurdered team can 4-0 teams such as the Dentists, the Zoo and the Skeletons, (even the FF2C have been making hay lately) then we have a perfect ouroboros of Gemclod> Boatmurdered>Bronzestabbed>Gemclod. Antwoman is now up to 14 kills, just one behind the entirety of This Bites.
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Apr 11, 2016 08:17
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AJ_Impy posted:Antwoman is now up to 14 kills, just one behind the entirety of This Bites. Uh... Antwoman and Simon were tied before this fight. And Simon has 12 kills.
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Apr 11, 2016 08:36
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Apr 11, 2016 09:40
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at least mongo got to be badass for a bit there lol
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Apr 11, 2016 09:46
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Ablative posted:Uh... Antwoman and Simon were tied before this fight. You are correct, discrepancy corrected. Saved me having to track down the missing point when I do my end of round verify, thank you.  Antwoman is as good as This Bites put together.
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Apr 11, 2016 10:10
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Wow. Despite what the killcount shows, Antwoman didnt do poo poo. The rest of the Zoo did amazing. Well done team, I really really did not expect a win there.
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Apr 11, 2016 11:14
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I don't know if Jakob/Mongo just have garbage stats or what, but Stephen was a goddamn tank If only he was faster. Also if only Mongo hadn't stolen his loving hammer. Dick.
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Apr 11, 2016 14:11
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Spermy Smurf posted:Wow. Despite what the killcount shows, Antwoman didnt do poo poo. Antwoman (Petting Zoo) punches Face (Horrorshow) in the head with its second left hand, bruising the muscle! Face (Horrorshow) has been stunned! Face (Horrorshow) has been knocked unconscious! Face (Horrorshow) falls over.
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Apr 11, 2016 15:42
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That doesn't count! Antwoman got limbs removed, was grounded, and didn't do poo poo until Cowman took down ShortName, with Belmole and Harper keeping two others occupied. When Cowman turned so it was a 2v1 against Face, then Antwoman was able to do something. Harper didn't take a single hit that entire fight did he?
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Apr 11, 2016 15:45
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Spermy Smurf posted:That doesn't count! A couple, actually. A scratch along the arm, a bruised gut and I think a bruised arm. That oak shield deflected like a motherfucker though. I'm thinking of maybe upgrading it so that when I bash peoples' heads in with it, it'll have an effect besides making a hollow 'thunk' sound
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Apr 11, 2016 15:49
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Good job team, even Antwoman! I knew we had this in the bag. I think you just need to place more confidence in the Zoo, Spermy. It's all in the mind. Except when it's not. ChickenWing posted:A couple, actually. A scratch along the arm, a bruised gut and I think a bruised arm. That oak shield deflected like a motherfucker though. I'm thinking of maybe upgrading it so that when I bash peoples' heads in with it, it'll have an effect besides making a hollow 'thunk' sound As the owner of a cowman wearing both a silver helmet and gauntlets, I heartily recommend upgrading your shield to the finest of all metals. It's good for bashing! That said, copper might also be acceptable I guess.
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Apr 11, 2016 16:59
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Round 14, Fight 8 Subterranean Animists (11-2) is on the left side of the arena. Braun Strowman (Frozen_Flame) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields an iron short sword and two copper short swords and wears an iron helm, two copper mail shirts, iron leggings, and iron gauntlets. Baldwin (captaindirtnap) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and steel low boots. Qwarf (C7ty1) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and iron gauntlets. Dusseldwarf (decoy badger) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Team Laser Explosion (6-7) is on the right side of the arena. Anthony (dasmause) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Mogwai (Dark Off) is a female gremlin. She wields a copper large dagger and a silver buckler and wears a copper helm, leather armor, and copper gauntlets. Molegrim (Maugrim) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, copper gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Turquoise Tonic (Hihohe) is a male human. He wields a silver mace and an iron buckler and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots.  Subterranean Animists is a 4.13 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 8739.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 2115.00 dwarfbucks for Team Laser Explosion.  Will dwarven might prove victorious again today?  The clash ends up with Molegrim's kidney skewered like a kebob by Dusseldorf. Then nothing happens while fighters adjust their grips on weapons.  Anthony and Molegrim attack Qwarf at the same time and Qwarf can only dodge one. A hand goes flying due to Molegrims spear.  Turquoise Tonic slams his silver mace into Braun and the antwoman's chitin is broken despite (or thankfully due to) iron mail. Molegrim and Anthony charge and Qwarf and Dusseldorf are knocked to the floor stunned.  Braun finally gets past Turqouises defense and the humans arm is deeply cut. Molegrim bites Qwarf, but it's Anthony snapping ankles that forces the dwarf to pass out. Turquoise Tonic_LASER loses hold of the silver mace. Turquoise Tonic_LASER has become enraged!  Dusseldorf is sent to the floor with another charge by Anthony and Baldwin shakes off the stunned-ness. Qwarf is killed by Molegrim, but not before Anthony takes 2-lungblows and is winded.  Braun slices Turquoise's arm and the human passes out. Another swing and the human loses his head. Dusseldorf is sent flying by Anthony again.  Now the fighters dance, Anthony takes a spear to the arm in the melee, but the more pressing injury is to Baldwin from Mogwai. Baldwins hand is shredded and his spear clangs to the floor. Baldwin_SUB: I was attacked. What's that?!  The dwarves use Anthonys charge against him and with a quick dodge the tiger slams into Molegrim. Both fall to the floor stunned. Dusseldorf stabs Anthony in the arm again and the tigerman passes out.  Mogwai sends Baldwin to the floor with a deep slash to the calf. Molegrim throws up all over Dusseldorfs spear that is currently stuck in his guts. Dusseldorf cleans his spear off only to get brains on it a moment later. Ugh, talk about 5th century problems amirite?  Mogwai is forced to dodge backwards as Braun comes to Baldwins aid. Dusseldorf takes on the very bloody Molegrim.  Braun slaps Molegrim in the tongue, exploding the muscle before moving on to chase Mogwai. Dusseldorfs spear is embedded in Molegrims liver. Molegrim throws up on it. Dusseldorfs spear is embedded in Molegrims hip. Molegrim throws up on it. Dusseldorfs spear is embedded in Molegrims arm. Molegrim throws up on it. Mogwai dodges back, but Braun is too quick and his thigh is shredded.  Dusseldorf paralyzes Molegrim with a spine-stab. Braun removes a gremlins foot, then a leg, and the small gremlin bleeds out immediately. Baldwin gets the kill because he swung at Mogwai last.  Then the dwarves attack Molegrim who loses a hand to Braun. Another hand flies off courtesy of Dusseldorf. Holy poo poo they mutilate that poor moleman. Spleen, ribs, liver, spine, guts, more ribs, more spleen... Baldwin steals his second kill of the match by swinging his shield at just the right moment. Subterranean Animists win with what was a close match up until Anthony went down. Kills: Baldwin: 2 Braun: 1 Dusseldorf: 1 Molegrim: 1 Combat Log 
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Apr 11, 2016 21:56
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Round is over. Place bets, update fighters
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Apr 11, 2016 22:01
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BRAUN GOT A KILL! BRAUN... er... slapped a tongue so hard it exploded?
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Apr 11, 2016 22:56
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Slapped a tongue so hard it exploded with the flat of the sword, yes. And Braun would have had 3 kills if Baldwin wasnt a kill stealing whore.
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Apr 11, 2016 23:55
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| # ? May 9, 2024 22:06 |
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I am continuing my fine tradition of not updating my gladiator for a seventh round in a row. Also, my tradition of betting all my money on my own team, because that has worked well so far and I am not in the poorhouse.
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Apr 12, 2016 00:16
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