Star Citizen game developer, & public figurehead, has cool website of jokes

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen game developer, & public figurehead, has cool website of jokes

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ANIME IS BLOOD: Sep 4, 2008; by zen death robot

Aesop Poprock posted:

22 pages is still a lot of pages for making fun of a sad fat man who will be dead in less than a year

well let us know where you are so we can capture and imprison whomever is holding you at gunpoint and compelling you to read this thread

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:11

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# ? May 14, 2024 09:56

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

vols bitch posted:

why are there 22 pages about a fat weirdo

Because he's a racist/sexist who thinks 9 year olds are sexy? who's the public face of a 112 million dollar videogame company. Dude is on like 3 livestreams a week.

And it's funny.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:15

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

ScrotoTurboSperg posted:

It gets better when you look at post history.

SunSwipe has posted literally nothing but starcitizen for the past two months.

Should we call social services? Is Games truly like this?

Actually, I've posted literally nothing but Star Citizen ever on SA. :colbert:

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:17

WhiskeyWhiskers: Oct 14, 2013; "هذا ليس عادلاً."
"هذا ليس عادلاً على الإطلاق."
"كان هناك وقت الآن."
(السياق الخفي: للقراءة)

Sunswipe posted:

Actually, I've posted literally nothing but Star Citizen ever on SA.

J4S

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:18

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

that's really really sad

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:18

Space Camp fuckup: Aug 2, 2003

Sunswipe posted:

Actually, I've posted literally nothing but Star Citizen ever on SA.

can we start banning these people

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:18

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

please do not take my sentiment as an invitation to post elsewhere though, if all you post is sc poo poo you're probably dumb and we don't want to hear it

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:19

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

vols bitch posted:

why are there 22 pages about a fat weirdo

he made some tweets and THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:20

Pimpcasso: Mar 13, 2002; VOLS BITCH

spacetoaster posted:

Because he's a racist/sexist who thinks 9 year olds are sexy? who's the public face of a 112 million dollar videogame company. Dude is on like 3 livestreams a week.

And it's funny.

excuse me while i scratch my sweaty balls

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:27

Uranium 235: Oct 12, 2004

what's star citizen everybody??

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:40

ZenMaster: Jan 24, 2006; I Saved PC Gaming

spacetoaster posted:

Because he's a racist/sexist who thinks 9 year olds are sexy? who's the public face of a 112 million dollar videogame company. Dude is on like 3 livestreams a week.

And it's funny.

I find that the less you know and the more money you give the better things are for the project. be safe

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:40

Scionix: Oct 17, 2009; hoog emm xDDD

Sunswipe posted:

Actually, I've posted literally nothing but Star Citizen ever on SA.

who the gently caress registers in 2016 for star citizen threads lmao

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:43

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

Scionix posted:

who the gently caress registers in 2016 for star citizen threads lmao

CIG employees.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:47

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Scionix posted:

who the gently caress registers in 2016 for star citizen threads lmao

Star Citizen is the new Danganronpa.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:50

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Paladinus posted:

Star Citizen is the new Danganronpa.

Why are goons obsessed with Dragon Ron Paul?

# ? Apr 19, 2016 18:51

Maldoror: Oct 5, 2003; by R. Guyovich; Nap Ghost

BeefThief posted:

does anyone have a link to the original vid tucked away? tia

no but i have a gif hth

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:00

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Skoll posted:

I'm morbidly curious how and Mrs achieve coitus... Are cranes involved? Or a complicated pulley system?

It's a beautiful aquatic dance.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:03

Dr Cheeto: Mar 2, 2013; Wretched Harp

MeLKoR posted:

It's a beautiful aquatic dance.

Don't doxx me tia

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:05

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

Maldoror posted:

no but i have a gif hth

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:07

iron buns: Jan 12, 2016

Scionix posted:

who the gently caress registers in 2016 for star citizen threads lmao

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:08

Skoll: Jul 26, 2013; Oh You'll Love My Toxic Love; Grimey Drawer

Sunswipe posted:

Actually, I've posted literally nothing but Star Citizen ever on SA.

Thanks for the :10bux:

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:18

A CISHET SHITLORD: Sep 10, 2014; LOURDE OF THE SHITS; Pillbug

ZenMaster posted:

assburgers incarnate

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:22

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

If you want something truly offensive imagine Ben crawling on top of Alexis, sweating and reeking of the night's In & Out double double animal style and trying to insert his baby dick into her cavernous vagina. He is ever so careful to lift up his FUPA and her GUNT as to be able to successfully insert. Sweating heavily, he only has enough stamina for a few thrusts before rolling off and going back to posting more on the Internet about Star Citizen.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:24

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Sunswipe posted:

Actually, I've posted literally nothing but Star Citizen ever on SA.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:25

a star war betamax: Sep 17, 2011; by Lowtax; Gary’s Answer

ZenMaster posted:

Cross posting from the Star Citizen thread:

EFFORT POST:

For the morning crew to chew on, if I am being a jerk let me know, I will delete this, I am not minimizing depression or what Ben went through.

Timeline from very weak googling:

Been reading a lot of information put other there by Ben after Benghazi dropped... something didn't add up... and I read more than a few conflicting statements...

He wrote two LJ updates, one of April 16th and April 18th, 2016 to explain himself.

Ben makes one apology in the April 16th LJ update:

He is sorry it's so boring! I guess we are all just dum dums! Actually, this is a dodge. No one cares about his LJs. They are not the true issue here, it is the IRC chats. They are full of racism, pedophilia-related content, and threats of murder and violence (some against children). No one is using the LJs to troll Ben, or at least, that would be worthless as they are boring. But, Ben can explain the chats:

Ben Lesnick, April 16, 2016:

So, he's blaming SA for his disgusting IRC chats, right? Cause it convenient to blame the ones calling you out, no?

Something Awful was founded in 1999. Ben Lesnick would have been 18 years old when it was founded. Depending on when he discovered it and how long it took to 'idolize' it, he could well have been 19-20. This is further proven with:

The #WINGNUT IRC chat was founded in 1997 (and WCNEWS in 1998) a full 2 years before SA existed. If SA is to blame, this this:

Ben Lesnick, April 18, 2016:

is bollocks.

Two things here: If Something Awful is to blame as he says in the first missive, then this is simply not true. He would have been 18-20 range, an adult. Secondly, no one ever teased him for thinking cartoon anime women are hot. Some rational people might tell you that THINKING CARTOON ANIME CHILDREN are hot is BAD....that is the issue.... and if he was 17, how is a 17 year old thinking a 10 year old is "hot" and describing sexual things ok anywhere? Ben admits in graphic detail what he would do to a ten year old "cartoon anime woman," er child...

So, let's assume for the moment all of his gross rants and Hitler jokes and shooting up a classroom jokes are his to own, and not SA's fault... he was 17 and misguided.. he seriously was angry at the world? No friends, family, and nothing to live for? Losing your sight would be devastating, I am not minimized that at all... and maybe he did hide how he was feeling, but look at this.. is this the world of a anti-social, angsty teen who wrote those horrible things?

I get you were mad, depressed, and felt you wouldn't get out of life what you wanted... it would make anyone depressed. But it seems you had a tight family who loved you. Big parties, similar interests, and there are LJ after LJ of Ben buying things... every LJ is him buying a new toy or DVD series and enjoying it... he is passionate, and it shows... what doesn't show is the reason for the disturbing chats.

Who you are in secret is who you are in reality. That was exposed recently. I believe you have changed, but stop blaming everything and everyone else. Those things were inside you at one point, and you let them spill out onto the web in vibrant color, and people accepted you and you only got worse. Form 2002 and beyond you do some amazing things in your life, stuff even I have never done... I assume 1997-2002 was similar... your dad seems cool, did you go to Civil War reenactments with him? Museums with your mom, aquariums with your sister? I think you did...

But Ben, why do you never address: why did losing an eye make you joke about sex with kids? About shooting up a schoolroom of kids? How is the excuse that you felt you "had the world figure out" applicable? I would agree if it were embarrassing political posts or dumb ideas about society and its ill that were uncovered. If Sept 11th made you mad, why the racist rant against blacks, Chinese, etc? How do jokes about murdering kids fit into that narrative?

They don't. I do not deny you were very depressed. I do not claim to know how you felt during those dark times, and I am glad you found an outlet and friends to get through... but normal conversations between friends don't include these things. And if they do no one keeps a record of their awfulness. And then doubles down as to why they were kept.

If he truly did hate the world at one point and was just a dumb kid, it would have been in 1997-1999 time frame, and his chats would have started way before SA and any influence that would have had.

So by maybe, 24 you had mellowed?

Sorry, you were 27 when you wrote this stuff... lesson not learned?

DarkOff had a bit more to add, thanks Dark.

Glad to see we're finally getting the jokes the OP promised!

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:28

A CISHET SHITLORD: Sep 10, 2014; LOURDE OF THE SHITS; Pillbug

greasy fast food stench is sex pheromones for fats. It is typically responded to by the female winching up her gunt, known as "presenting"

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:28

a whole buncha crows: May 8, 2003; WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

8 track betamax posted:

Glad to see we're finally getting the jokes the OP promised!

im the rainbow timeline

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:29

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Nation posted:

im the rainbow timeline

im the french au pair

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:32

a star war betamax: Sep 17, 2011; by Lowtax; Gary’s Answer

I'm the growing sense of despair for the human race

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:35

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

8 track betamax posted:

I'm the growing sense of despair for the human race

good news friend, soon you will be able to leave them behind for a fantastic simulation game that spans the stars themselves, it is called star citizen, have you heard of it???

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:41

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

8 track betamax posted:

I'm the growing sense of despair for the human race

Are you a Star Citizen backer?

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:41

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

8 track betamax posted:

I'm the growing sense of despair for the human race

And I'm the guy who comes out of the crowd and suplexes you until you're nothing more than a torso with blood stumps attached so I can win the WWF Intercontinental Championship and finally prove to dad that I'm a man, dammit

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:43

A Concrete Divider: Jan 20, 2012; The Unbearable Whiteness of Eating

So this Ben dude actually has real world marketable skills though?

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:44

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

Anderron Shi posted:

So this Ben dude actually has real world marketable skills though?

lol, no

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:48

Dr Cheeto: Mar 2, 2013; Wretched Harp

Anderron Shi posted:

So this Ben dude actually has real world marketable skills though?

- successfully monetized an internet cesspool of sexual predators and sadbrained shut-ins

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:49

Kro-Bar: Jul 24, 2004; USPOL May

Lesnick posted:

I wear a monocle and a tux, and I laugh at football games... #1,775

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:49

Dr Cheeto: Mar 2, 2013; Wretched Harp

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT SOMETHINGAWFUL DOT COM

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:50

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Dr Cheeto posted:

- successfully monetized an internet cesspool of sexual predators and sadbrained shut-ins

Thats more dumb luck on Chris' part than anything

# ? Apr 19, 2016 19:55

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

8 track betamax posted:

I'm the growing sense of despair for the human race

More like aatrek Betamax am I rite

# ? Apr 19, 2016 20:05

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# ? May 14, 2024 09:56

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

Alan Smithee posted:

More like aatrek Betamax am I rite

whoa drat

# ? Apr 19, 2016 20:07

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen game developer, & public figurehead, has cool website of jokes

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