Knyteguy posted:

Didn't get to the Camaro. As I said I was in a bad place while I was working through some stuff (plus I was sick which made it worse). I intend on taking care of MAF sesnsor in the following few days.

Knyteguy posted:

Good advice. I wasn't trying to piss the thread off. If anything I was showing diligence in my search. As I said I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to mental health stuff. I have no idea if/how a low rated psychiatrist correlates to performance. As Veskit said it could be a nature of the profession and its patients.

Adiabatic posted:

Simple diagnosis is pretty cathartic for me, and calms my brain, with the added bonus of making me feel like I'm fighting entropy and actively bettering something. I struggle sometimes in similar ways as you, and given our similar career backgrounds as well, I figured it may be of some help.

Do it, don't do it. Makes no difference to me, and please don't feel yourself beholden to give me any sort of result. I'll be chillin here waiting to give you info if you need it. MAFs are the least of your worries and your car will be fine, but you may find it helpful mentally. Worth a shot, at least

BarbarianElephant posted:

A psychiatrist is different than a therapist. A therapist isn't a medical doctor and can't prescribe any drugs. A psychiatrist is only needed if you think you need drugs. If a therapist thinks you need drugs they will help you find a psychiatrist.

Do you want a therapist (talk therapy) or a psychiatrist (drug therapy)? You might need both.

Horking Delight posted:

No one had a problem with your idea of starting your own business. Maybe there's some very specific issues with your business model, but becoming aware of and addressing those issues is best done sooner rather than later, and that's more constructive criticism than not.

The thread just started trying to pump the brakes when it looked like your approach (intense and seemingly to the exclusion of more urgent goals, coinciding with a period of high stress) started to seem unhealthy. It's not just what you do that matters. It's how you do it.

You can't do to many things at once or you're just going to overwhelm yourself. Right now, you're dealing with family poo poo, quitting smoking/drinking, trying to follow a budget, trying to fix your car, trying to find a therapist, and trying to get a new job. Putting "starting a new business" on the backburner for a few months while you handle the LITERAL SIX OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS going on right now isn't a sign of failure or a sign that you've given up. (Okay, the car isn't really on the same level, but still.)

I am happy that you were able to recognize when your emotional state wasn't good to be engaging with the thread and correspondingly took a well-timed break, though.


Edit: ^^ I agree, you should see a therapist before a psychiatrist and let your therapist tell you if he thinks you have a brain chemistry issue that needs addressing.

IllegallySober posted:

KG, quick off-topic question for the purposes of our challenge (others can chime in too)

I finally filed my taxes on Friday (the first time I've ever waited this long, due to complications with documents and also having both W-2 income, two different 1099s, and unemployment income on top of that)

When I proposed our challenge I had already ran the TurboTax tax calculator thing and it indicated I should be expecting a refund of just over $400 so I didn't worry about it.

Turns out I wound up owing $735 on top of the $80 TurboTax fee.

For our purposes, how do you want me to classify this? I hesitated to call it "debt repayment" even though it was definitely money I owed- but at the same time, if I don't call it that there's pretty much no way I'm coming up with an additional $700 this month to throw at pre-existing debt as I had to pull some from my emergency fund and re-arrange priorities elsewhere.

Your call (and/or the thread's call).

Knyteguy posted:

OK had some time for some reflection, talking with my wife trying to figure out why I was feeling so stressed out. I'm feeling much better. More on this in a bit.


No not my job itself. It's my lack of finding something better that's the problem.

I've had some hefty expectations I've had put on me since I was a kid. From others (teachers, parents), and from myself. I spoke a lot about this with my old therapist. He and I both agreed that it's better to shoot for the stars. If I can do that responsibly then so be it. I'm not afraid of failing.

My happiness is not dependent on succeeding. It's dependent on trying. To do otherwise is to give up on ~"my dreams"~, and I'm too young for that.

My wealth building plan is this:
- Get out of debt
- Start a business with discretionary funds somewhere near the end of that cycle
- Indefinitely invest money according to budget towards VTSAX/VFINX and probably something more for some diversification (become more knowledgeable on this)
- Profit (eventually)

quote:

I'm offering more than hosting. A "free" 3 page website alone would easily cover two years of difference for hosting. Plus I offer excellent customer service. Sure they can run to HostGator, or pay more with AT&T, but I'm someone who will actually give a drat about their business meeting its goals with their online presence. That will likely include consults and recurring support that has nothing to do with their actual hosting. My boss just charged our business neighbors $75/hr for a web consult from me. That included design aspects, content. I've studied conversion funneling extensive. I can run at basically any software (I've worked on PHP, .net, and BBJ ecommerce suites) to give help, etc.

I didn't put in so much time just for them. I used it to add some pretty OK code to my Github to show off to future employers as well.

quote:

Yeah it was good to take a break. No good would have come from continuing posting. I was in a really bad place mentally Friday/Saturday. I was trying to figure out what the hell I was feeling and I just couldn't. Sunday was better, today is better. I ended up kind of working through it with my wife.

The intensity towards the business may have been a symptom, but the want is not. I fully intend to proceed with some sort of business plan within the next 12 months. I think n8r's idea of getting some business consulting is a great idea.

Yeah I can talk about them if I can recognize them. All I could recognize was that ball of tension in my stomach.

I'm currently trying to come up with a regular exercise plan. I think that will help. I've been advised that many multiple times now, from Rhea, from my psychologist, from others.

Good advice. I wasn't trying to piss the thread off. If anything I was showing diligence in my search. As I said I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to mental health stuff. I have no idea if/how a low rated psychiatrist correlates to performance. As Veskit said it could be a nature of the profession and its patients.

Yeah I do get some alone time sometimes, but then my wife gets upset about my lack of presence. I think a schedule would set expectations. Not a bad idea I'll talk to her.

n8r posted:

Your old shrink also didn't think you needed to work on your finances. Giving someone the advice to 'shoot for the stars' is pretty bullshit. Have you considered that your old therapist just wasn't any good? It feels a lot like you're cherry picking advice when it suits what you want to do. This has happened tons of times in the past throughout this thread, you are selective about the opinions so it suits what you already want.

I understand that you have not been able to locate a better job, but what have you done in the past 12 months to make yourself a better candidate for a new/higher paying job? Have you learned a new language, developed a side project that will show off your skills?

The difference between this business model, and what your lambo buying friend has done, is he has developed a product that he can sell over and over. No offense to your business model, but a 'free 3 page site' sounds like something you'd pitch someone in 2005. Modern CMSs from places like Squarespace really have eliminated the need for stuff like that for a lot of folks. Even if you were able to bill $75/hour as a full time job, that's 'only' around 150k a year. Probably not enough money to retire on in 10 years.

I think you should continue to work on a business plan, but I do not think the one you have cooking is terribly viable.


I am not one to diagnose people on the internet, but I've been around this thread a long time, and I happen to have the same diagnosis - you're bipolar. You have so many of the classic symptoms it's not funny. You've got these big upswings of optimism, sleep issues, spending problems, drug usage, then falling into depressions soon after. The drugs used to control bipolar can be pretty decent. I take Lamictal, which once you've built up to a therapeutic dose (takes like 6 weeks) it's quite effective and has no side effects that I have noticed. There are lots of options treatment wise for bipolar, but they pretty much all involve drugs. I hope that once you find a good therapist/psychiatrist combo, that you consider taking the medication they recommend.

Knyteguy posted:

Talk therapy. I believe drugs beyond Ibuprofen/standard OTC should be used only when chemically necessary, or at the extreme ends of the spectrum.

marchantia posted:

You set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Just in case that was missed. If you want talk therapy, psychiatrists will not help you. Search for therapists in your insurance network. You are going to mostly want to be looking for LCSW, LPCC (could also be LPC), or LMHC after their name.

quote:

I am not one to diagnose people on the internet, but I've been around this thread a long time, and I happen to have the same diagnosis - you're bipolar. You have so many of the classic symptoms it's not funny. You've got these big upswings of optimism, sleep issues, spending problems, drug usage, then falling into depressions soon after. The drugs used to control bipolar can be pretty decent. I take Lamictal, which once you've built up to a therapeutic dose (takes like 6 weeks) it's quite effective and has no side effects that I have noticed. There are lots of options treatment wise for bipolar, but they pretty much all involve drugs. I hope that once you find a good therapist/psychiatrist combo, that you consider taking the medication they recommend.

Knyteguy posted:

Good advice. I wasn't trying to piss the thread off. If anything I was showing diligence in my search. As I said I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to mental health stuff. I have no idea if/how a low rated psychiatrist correlates to performance. As Veskit said it could be a nature of the profession and its patients.

Knyteguy posted:

Rurutia posted:

For what it's worth, my MIL is bipolar and I don't see it in you. I've spent months living with her and caring for her, and while I'm not a professional, I have seen it pretty up close and personal. It's easy to think of manic as just the overspending overly happy, but there's a very very ugly side to it that turns this person into someone completely different. The way they engage and talk and think is distinctly different from the way they normally are. I don't see the chemical imbalance part of that in you.

I wouldn't be surprised if you were diagnosed with depression, but all that's irrelevant. We've been harping on therapy and I know you haven't been in a good place about doing it. I do want to emphasize that I understand how hard it is to see the value and have the motivation to do it when you haven't really gotten much back before. It's a long, slow and intensive process, and it doesn't work at all unless you find someone that actually works with what you need. You sometimes don't even see progress until much later in hindsight. This is why everyone has been so insistent that you do a much more thorough job of finding that first appointment. In my opinion, the best way to do it is to do as many first consultations as possible before you settle on one person. Definitely take online reviews seriously when they are numerous.

Good people to find referrals is to see a professional who deals with getting people out of the issues you have. For example, if you have a problem with eating disorders, talk with a nutritionist about what therapist they have liked working with, etc.

Take your mental health seriously. It will effect your relationship with your child and it will inform on how your child develops. It will also enable you to truly obtain success. You don't need to be complacent, but being successful in life isn't just about your career or having a business. It's about having it together as an adult, and taking care of your health in all aspects is numero uno in that.

marchantia posted:

You set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Just in case that was missed. If you want talk therapy, psychiatrists will not help you. Search for therapists in your insurance network. You are going to mostly want to be looking for LCSW, LPCC (could also be LPC), or LMHC after their name.

BarbarianElephant posted:

If you don't want drugs, don't go to a psychiatrist. I'm not saying that they over-prescribe. I'm just saying that prescribing what they do. Go to a therapist. They are cheaper.

Going to a psychiatrist when you aren't looking for drugs is like going to a plastic surgeon when you really just want a makeover. They will wonder why you are in their office.

Most people go to a therapist first, and if the therapist thinks medication is needed, he will recommend going to a psychiatrist.

Veskit posted:

Knyteguy posted:

It still surprises me the progress you've made. Good post Veskit. You're right I probably do try to take on too much myself I don't know.

dreesemonkey posted:

KG, I don't think your hosting business is a bad idea, but I think maybe it's the wrong idea right now. You're a programmer, you should be able to find some small freelance coding projects. Granted, you're going to have a ton of competition if you're doing elance/odesk stuff, but if you can score a few jobs and do good work you can probably make some decent side money.

I did this for a while (pre-kids) and way way way undercharged, but it was easy money for me and it was neat learning new use cases instead of the same old same old stuff from my day job. I feel like I've developed some nice relationships with these people, and some side money made me care a little less about feeling undervalued at my day job.

My first ever freelance client actually just contacted me last week to make an addition to his database he's been using to manage his project management / billing since 2008.

Veskit posted:

Thank you, and I do appreciate the compliment, but I do want to know why it's surprising to you.

Knyteguy posted:

You were objectively pretty angry before. Not just in this thread. It just seems like you've kind of relaxed a bit.

Veskit posted:

Why is that surprising though? I get that's the perception, but what's the surprise?



Am I making sense?

Knyteguy posted:

My only experience with odesk was a small project where I charged $120, and ended up doing like 13 hours of work. This was pre-my job, but yeah I just can't put in that time for that kind of return. However I will take a look again. I just signed up for one of them again in the past few months.

But yeah it's like I said I just want to pull in some extra money now so I can work towards bigger opportunities. If I could make $10,000 in profit I could do a lot with that.

dreesemonkey posted:

I've gotten stuck with some jobs that I put in way too much work for the money, but I got better sniffing out details before I jump in. I'm not recommending that. I feel like you should be able to maybe find some local businesses (not unlike that crazy boss who offered you a job) where they could maybe use some work done but can't justify a full-time employee. I dunno, maybe post up on craigslist or something as programmer for hire, you might find some small stuff to get started. At the very least you can use it as resume building and experience in different use cases / industries. In the best case, you may get some good contacts with some recurring work on the side.

Knyteguy posted:

Well the surprise to me is the rapid transition of course. I didn't see it as a gradual process. You parted from the thread angry, and came back level headed. Annoyingly persistent to get your message across sometimes (), but level headed.

Veskit posted:

Thank you, and I do appreciate the compliment, but I do want to know why it's surprising to you.

Veskit posted:

So you're able to see that in other people, what transition do you have to make that would be helpful to you the most?

SiGmA_X posted:

It surprises me, too. You were really harsh in years past and frankly made some threads really unpleasant - despite giving solid advice; I imagine people take what you have to say much more seriously now. It's a huge change in communication and it's surprising as many people won't put the effort in to change themselves. I commend you for that majorly.

I've gotten a lot from therapy, too, and I wager that KG would as well.

SiGmA_X posted:

It surprises me, too. You were really harsh in years past and frankly made some threads really unpleasant - despite giving solid advice; I imagine people take what you have to say much more seriously now. It's a huge change in communication and it's surprising as many people won't put the effort in to change themselves. I commend you for that majorly.

I've gotten a lot from therapy, too, and I wager that KG would as well.

Knyteguy posted:

I knew you were baiting me dammit.

A rapid transition to being a millionaire wouldn't hurt. Let's go with that.

Veskit posted:

I've hung out around a lot of millionaires. My dad owned a business where I'd deliver medical equipment like the chairs that go up so you can stand up easier, medical beds, things like that. I met an A lister when I went down to Socal for a delivery, just rich as gently caress people.

Never met a petulant, mean, depressed, selfish, or pompous in anyway. They were all super nice people who I would hang out with, and they happened to work hard. They also had everything in order even though I was coming over to deliver something for a tragedy that clearly had happened. I think if you want to be rich you'll have to work on figuring out how to make level headed decisions also, and spending less time chasing ways to feel better. It's offputing and people can read it.

quote:

What I'm trying to say is that I hope you understand the importance of talking to professionals about what's going on in your life and trusting them with helping you because this isn't just a feel good exercise. It'll help you in all parts of your life. I hope first you learn how to accept help.

Also I don't think you'd be that surprised if you believed in accepting help and hard work. That's really all it takes to get anywhere.

Knyteguy posted:

Speaking of which: n8r you asked what skills I've done to increase my value? I learned WPF/UWP/Windows Universal frameworks in the past year to 1.5 years. UWP includes Windows 10/Windows Mobile app which is a small market, but still has millions of users. I've brushed up on my Linux skills. I've started contributing commits to open source projects (mostly Python based).

Since I started my job I've picked up: Dynamics AX 2004/2009 development, WPF/MVVM/XAML, ASP classic (modifications not new work), .net MVC, LESS css framework, Lucene database structure (I built it from scratch), T-SQL to a moderate degree, mobile development, responsive apps, SSRS, and more. My StackOverflow has consistently gotten more rep (which can help prove some competency, and helps SO careers).

I haven't been even close to stagnant. I don't believe in following the "hot new technology" because it's too finicky. I did that chasing nodejs/Ruby on Rails. I'm competent managing a database server, a web server (IIS, Apache, nginx are all things I currently run, and I setup AWS for my eBay image hosting), I've improved my knowledge of db normalization and design, etc.

marchantia posted:

Sometimes not accepting help or taking care of yourself when you are feeling good can increase or lead to times when you feel bad or overwhelmed. Just because you feel 100% A+ in this moment doesn't mean you won't have times that life gets you down.

Horking Delight posted:

You've definitely been more level-headed recently but stress is one of the things that causes you to get more emotional and aggressive (towards your goals)/defensive (towards the thread). This is normal but also not helpful or productive.

You are currently going through a period of high stress and it will make you more prone to frustration and sometimes throw you into a negative headspace.

I don't know where I'm going with this -- please be aware of it, please understand this is what's happening if you find yourself unexpectedly frustrated/angry, please do not let it undo the real progress you have started making, please do not be discouraged if you seem to be going one step forward, two steps back.

n8r posted:

Why is it, with all of these things you have learned, you have not been able to turn these skills either into higher paying jobs OR some sort of side business?

Additionally wasn't there some talk about you getting a raise at some point in Q1/2 2016? What's up with that?

n8r posted:

Why is it, with all of these things you have learned, you have not been able to turn these skills either into higher paying jobs OR some sort of side business?

Additionally wasn't there some talk about you getting a raise at some point in Q1/2 2016? What's up with that?

Cheeze Kuyeh posted:

He can't get a wonderstar dev job paying wonderbux because he isn't a professional level developer. Sure he can create things for companies and they work and it all seems OK, but as a sole developer at a 3 man outfit he's had no experience of working in a dev team, he's probably rarely ever code reviewed, he can't have pair programmed as he's the only dev, is there source control process, etc. This isn't knyteguy's fault, but his lack of experience of full professional dev environments show through in the response to that lead dev email he posted earlier, ie here's a task I've set just to see if you can actually code, I've clearly not thought through all the requirements because this is a simple task on the face of it to see if you're actually a dev. The correct answer is to code something simple that fulfills the basic task and then note where it could be improved with stuff like defensive code, security concerns, etc.

The less correct answer is to come back with a bunch of questions however relevant and then email the dude's boss when you don't hear back. I've never known a tech lead who isn't slammed with stuff all the time, but knyte hasn't ever worked with one. Sure he could code it, but if I wanted just code I'll outsource, if I'm hiring I need code plus a functional developer.

He's a junior to early mid dev. I don't know about salaries in Reno but he may not be doing too bad. All that tech he's listed, he'll only know a few pieces, he'll just be familiar with the rest. He should be playing it slow in finding the next step otherwise he'll be stuck in garage firms.

This isn't there to poo poo on you BTW knyte, I'm just giving some perspective from a hiring manager of developers as to why your expectations may be crashing into reality. You could well be a wonderdev but the evidence points to the contrary. Getting your spending under control would help your finances more than leaping at jobs

Hawkgirl posted:

It seems like the bad thought process is doing ok -> bad poo poo happens -> gently caress, I feel bad/worried/sad/guilty/whatever -> gently caress, I need to get my poo poo together for my wife/son/mom/whoever -> I can't be feeling like this or I'm failing everyone. Or something like that. And that last part seems to be where you get desperate and make crappy decisions. Smoke/drink/spend money/whatever. I feel like if you just learn ways to cope and identify your cycle you'll handle things much better. So yay therapy appointment basically.

n8r posted:

KG - I think Cheeze is probably making some assumptions he shouldn't, but I do think he has some decent feedback as well. The fact of the matter is that you have spent a long time trying to find a new job without any luck. I think it is worth examining why you have not been able to get a new/better job.

If your goal is to make more money, I still think the shortest path is to get a higher paying job. You'd have to have ~16 clients at $75/month to get yourself a $15000 increase in income, and that's before any expenses.

Knyteguy posted:

That's unfair. I was advised to turn down two jobs in the past 8 months that came with $15,000/yr raises by the thread. And that really was without much trying.

dreesemonkey posted:

Yea, but you would have taken them if they made sense. You're not a martyr because we told you the job's didn't seem like a good fit, you made the final choice and they were anything but a no-brainer.

You don't need to defend your programming skills to anyone around here, earlier in the job search you were a self-proclaimed jr. developer so that's just what people are remembering. Of course you're getting better, you're just not sr. programmer at <big SV company> right now. No need to get on the defensive.

Horking Delight posted:

Software Dev II is "junior-mid" level. Software Dev I is junior level (new grad level).

He might not have phrased it in the most diplomatic way, but he said literally the same thing you are saying while you get very defensive about him saying it.

Please reflect on that.

Knyteguy posted:

I am not getting defensive. I in fact deleted my whole post in part because I was felt I probably came off wrong.

However, it is important to note that saying: "you're probably making about what you should make", when in fact I've entertained two recent offers for more is incorrect.

I feel like the thread should stop advising me to be less self confident and to accept the status quo please. That will never be me. And I say that with regards to everything in the thread. It's been awhile since I've backed up my confidence I admit, but that doesn't mean that I'm incompetent or incapable, and that's me laying it out there straight not me getting defensive.