Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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Gorelab: Dec 26, 2006

Tenzarin posted:

I like Star Trek: In to Darkness.

It's a fun watch. But if you think about it at all it falls apart pretty badly. Even worse than the original Star Trek relaunch movie.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 22:10

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# ? May 31, 2024 06:45

wyoming: Jun 7, 2010; Like a television
tuned to a dead channel.

Tenzarin posted:

I like Star Trek: In to Darkness.

Same. It was a pretty good Trek.

# ? Apr 19, 2016 22:13

Tenzarin: Jul 24, 2007; .; Taco Defender

Gorelab posted:

It's a fun watch. But if you think about it at all it falls apart pretty badly. Even worse than the original Star Trek relaunch movie.

I like the 2009 Star Trek movie, the Chinese guy uses a sword.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 00:06

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Teek posted:

Descriptions of Luke and Rey's costumes in Episode VIII:

http://makingstarwars.net/2016/04/rey-luke-skywalkers-costume-descriptions-from-star-wars-episode-viii/

Rey is the new Luke and Luke is the new... Dooku?

Taking fashion advice from Christopher Lee seems like a good idea, actually.

Tenzarin posted:

I like Star Trek: In to Darkness.

I love the bad guy's ship sounding like a WW1 plane made out of a million bees. It really sells on it being scary as all heck.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 00:35

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

Here, kids, have an A-Wing:

also british royalty and luke skywalker but gently caress THEM, SPACESHIPS

# ? Apr 20, 2016 00:46

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

You'd think Harry would be more of a First Order kinda guy.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 00:54

Looke: Aug 2, 2013

Gonz posted:

You'd think Harry would be more of a First Order kinda guy.

Lol

# ? Apr 20, 2016 01:12

computer parts: Nov 18, 2010; PLEASE CLAP

Gonz posted:

You'd think Harry would be more of a First Order kinda guy.

http://www.starwipe.com/article/representatives-fantasy-empire-meet-star-wars-char-2569

# ? Apr 20, 2016 01:33

Fuzz: Jun 2, 2003; Avatar brought to you by the TG Sanity fund

Palpatine is Rey's dad/grandfather. Calling it now.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 19:29

Picklepuss: Jul 12, 2002

Fuzz posted:

Palpatine is Rey's dad/grandfather. Calling it now.

Rise of the She-Sheev

# ? Apr 20, 2016 20:41

Ass Catchcum: Dec 21, 2008; I REALLY NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOREVER.

Who would gently caress palpatine.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 20:59

kiimo: Jul 24, 2003

rear end Catchcum posted:

Who would gently caress palpatine.

It's more about who could stop him from doing so.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 21:02

Lunchmeat Larry: Nov 3, 2012

rear end Catchcum posted:

Who would gently caress palpatine.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 21:25

Picklepuss: Jul 12, 2002

rear end Catchcum posted:

Who would gently caress palpatine.

It looks like this woman did in the EU and gave birth to a Masters of the Universe villain:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sly_Moore/Legends

# ? Apr 20, 2016 21:26

Fuzz: Jun 2, 2003; Avatar brought to you by the TG Sanity fund

It makes sense, though. Leave Palpatine's heir on some planet because if people knew the truth they might try to use her as a figurehead/kill her out of retaliation.

# ? Apr 20, 2016 22:08

Sea Lily: Aug 5, 2007; Everything changes, Pit.
Even gods.

I hope she's Lando's daughter

Bring back Lando

# ? Apr 20, 2016 22:22

CAT INTERCEPTOR: Nov 9, 2004; Basically a male Margaret Thatcher

Have you seen how many incredibly hot women will willingly gently caress the ugliest fattest most disgusting politicans in real life? Hell, someone hosed Ted Cruz, that is a mile worse than Sheev.

Galatic Emperor? Take a number, wait until he's finished the Twil'lek threesome.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 02:07

Toph Bei Fong: Feb 29, 2008

rear end Catchcum posted:

Who would gently caress palpatine.

Her

Resulting in

Now let us never speak of this again.

Toph Bei Fong fucked around with this message at 04:45 on Apr 21, 2016

# ? Apr 21, 2016 04:43

cargohills: Apr 18, 2014

What's that from?

# ? Apr 21, 2016 09:15

Picklepuss: Jul 12, 2002

Toph Bei Fong posted:

Her

Resulting in

Now let us never speak of this again.

Why not? I spoke of it already and you didn't notice. :colbert:

# ? Apr 21, 2016 12:16

thrawn527: Mar 27, 2004; Thrawn/Pellaeon
Studying the art of terrorists
To keep you safe

Picklepuss posted:

It looks like this woman did in the EU and gave birth to a Masters of the Universe villain:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sly_Moore/Legends

They worked the Jedi Prince story back into the canon after the prequels?

...why would they do that?

# ? Apr 21, 2016 13:56

Danger: Jan 4, 2004; all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'

Getting deep into spoiler territory here:

# ? Apr 21, 2016 15:11

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Yes, the only solution is to cut off Snoke's balls.

# ? Apr 21, 2016 15:26

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

Here's some hilarious bullshit that's being passed off as a "major script leak" at Reddit:

quote:

�The backstory to Luke and his Jedi being wiped out is that Snoke seduced Kylo and a few of the other students to the dark side and tasked them with killing everyone. Luke and a few others survived, including a young Rey who was subsequently dumped on Jakku by Luke.

Rey�s mom died in the attack.

Rey is pissed at Luke because she guesses that he was her father and is angry at him for abandoning her. Luke turns to her and says �No, you are my father�.

Yes, really.

Rey is the reincarnation of Anakin Skywalker. Luke went to the first Jedi temple to better understand how the process works. He learned that the spirit of the chosen one is reincarnated by the Force every time the universe is thrown out of balance, which apparently happens on a semi-regular basis (Anakin was hardly the first time the chosen one reincarnated). This is why she�s so crazy powerful with the Force (remember that Anakin blew up the Trade Federation donut ship by himself when he was like 8 years old).

Rey was the product of a virgin birth, but midichlorians aren�t mentioned (Luke says �you are a child of the Force�).

Luke is hesitant to train her because, according to Jedi history, the chosen one always struggles with staying on the light side of the Force because of the chaotic power running through them. He�s afraid that she could become Vader 2.0. If he trains her to fight Kylo, and she turns dark, she would do way more damage to the galaxy than Kylo could ever dream of doing.

He ultimately trains her anyway and leaves everything up to the Force. He makes this decision in a scene where he confers with the ghosts of Obi-Wan and Yoda (Ewan MacGregor and Frank Oz come back).

Rey learns lightsaber skills, Force skills, and has a vision quest thing where she talks with Maz Kanata (unsure if it�s telepathy or just a dream) and Hayden Christenson. The latter tells her that she is him, but different, and there�s a quick scene where we see hundreds of other Force ghosts who are implied to be past chosen ones.�

All that's missing is a scene where squid robots are destroying Courscant while Rey has a chat with a guy in a room full of TV screens.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 05:38

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

If that turns out to be true, it'll be the nine-hundred and third thing SW ripped off of Dune.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 06:18

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

phasmid posted:

If that turns out to be true, it'll be the nine-hundred and third thing SW ripped off of Dune.

The ~~sleeper~~ force has awakened!

# ? Apr 22, 2016 06:29

CasualTR: Apr 22, 2016; My Hunk of Silicon is better than your Hunk of Silicon

Tenzarin posted:

I like Star Trek: In to Darkness.

It was fun, though it did come falling apart at the end.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 10:04

MrL_JaKiri: Sep 23, 2003; A bracing glass of carrot juice!

Gonz posted:

Here's some hilarious bullshit that's being passed off as a "major script leak" at Reddit:

Also has been talked about for the last few pages of the thread, starting here:

Cheesus posted:

Just going to leave this here...

http://pastebin.com/EDyzfWat

# ? Apr 22, 2016 17:24

Cheesus: Oct 17, 2002; Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.; Yam Slacker

And then this was posted the other day with a warning that it would be deleted in 24 hours. With a warning like that ,you know that means it's totally legit!

quote:

Disclaimer: Post will be deleted in 24 hours.
�Film is called Echos of the Dark Side.

The film is similar to The Godfather 2, in the respect that there are several flash back sequences.

Act I

Finn is on a mission to undercover a secret plot that the first order has been planning, he is on his way to meet some mobsters on an underworld type of planet.

Leia is attending a memorial for the people killed on Hosnian Prime, including the leader of the Republic.

There is much controversy over whom should take over as the Leader, the public is divided on Leia. Especially since it is well known that her father was Darth Vader.

Poe is in attendance and in charge of her protection.

Luke is hesitant to train Rey. He speaks with Anakin/Obi Wan/Yoda as force ghosts whom try and convince him to train her.

Act II

Finn upon discovering that the First Order are planning a massive assassination of all the Republic leaders(including Leia), tries to warn the Resistance but is stopped short by Captain Phasma, whom is playing much more of a Boba Fett styled role in the film.

The First Order/Kylo & The Knights of Ren strike against the leaders at the memorial, killing all except Leia(whom is heavily injured and placed in a coma).

The Resistance led by Poe Dameron barely escape, and they retreat to a Resistance Base which is actually a Ship.

The Galaxy is in complete chaos, after essentially all planets losing their leaders and the Republic being destroyed in an instant.

Laura Dern's character takes over as the Resistance leader, but her tactics are controversial.

Luke sensing what happened to Leia finally agrees to leave the planet with Rey.

In order to find the rebel base they must find Finn, whom knows the location.

They arrive at the underworld planet to rescue him from Captain Phasma.

Act III

Kylo Ren senses his mother in a coma and it starts to make him heavily question his actions, it seems that Leia in her coma is able to speak to him directly and it is nearly driving him into madness.

Snoke belives Kylo can't handle killing his own mother, so he decides to have Benico Del Toro's character hunt for the rebels. Del Toro is a ruthless mercenary commander hired by the First Order. He is referred to as The Hunter.

Kylo is assigned to capture Rey and bring her to Snoke.

Luke and Rey are split up, Luke eventually rescues Finn.

Rey battles Kylo and again almost kills him until he destracts her with a reveal. He cuts off her arm. "No, Luke is your father". Luke had told her he wasn't up until this point, and just said her parents were dead.

Act IV

Laura Dern's character decides to attack the First Order in full force, which proves to be a trap setup by them to find their coordinates, she is killed.

The Resitance Base is ambushed by Benico's team and Poe and the remainding pilots must try and defend the Ship, some of the pilots even sacrificing themselves infront of blasts to protect their last stand.

Finn fights Captain Phasma, and narrowly escapes.

Kylo is about to leave with Rey when he hears Luke.

Kylo and the Knights of Ren attempt to battle Luke, but they can't come close to his power. There is no question about how powerful Luke is.

Luke has a line referencing his "fallen padawans".

Finn steals shield codes from one of the local gangs and has BB* hack Del Toro's ship.

Kylo is about to escape with Rey, but leaves her.

Finn rescues Luke/Rey but sacrifices himself and is caught by the local mob.

They eventually escape the Planet on the Falcon, which has Lando piloting.

Lando whom knows the underworld well, had heard rumors of Skywalker returning.

Final

The Resistance hold off Del Toro, but barely escape.

Once the shields are disabled the remainding Resistance literally fly their Ships in his to kill him. It is a very tragic scene.

Leia awakens, and finally sees Luke and speaks with him in a brief but emotional conversation.

She dies.

Poe is now the official leader of what is left of the Resistance.

Luke decides he must train his daughter, and bring Kylo back to the light to defeat Snoke.

Snoke feels that Kylo wouldn't bring back Rey, he is angered and Hux reports to him that Ren has not returned.
�

The flash backs show an incredibly creepy scene of Snoke as a young man speaking to Kylo.

Rey's mother is not revealed.

She was whom left Rey on Jakku. She mind wiped Rey but she was killed and hunted.

The Knights are the former apprentices of Skywalker.

Part of Luke's isolation has been because he feels the darkness in him after the betrayl, he really hesitates to use his powers. He thought his daughter was dead. But once he realizes she is alive, he can't admit it to her.

Note

Lando also could have shot down Ren as he escapes, but Chewie stops him.

MAJOR TWIST

Once Kylo reveals that Luke is her father, she is shocked why he wouldn't admit it to her. Kylo then reveals that's because it was in fact both Rey & Kylo who betrayed him She was never a young girl on Jakku. She was left there to never become a Jedi.

This is why Luke is so hesitant to train her, and doesn't want to reveal he is her father.

Her mind was wiped to think she had been there since she was a young girl.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 18:03

weekly font: Dec 1, 2004; Everytime I try to fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
Guess I need you baby...

Mmmm yes the third reveal of the entire plot this week is definitely the one I will believe.

There's no loving way they're killing off Finn.

VVV hahahaha my eyes totally skimmed over that

weekly font fucked around with this message at 18:10 on Apr 22, 2016

# ? Apr 22, 2016 18:05

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD: Sep 14, 2007; everything is yours

My favorite line is: The film is similar to The Godfather 2, in the respect that there are several flash back sequences.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 18:08

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD: Sep 14, 2007; everything is yours

Ah yes,

# ? Apr 22, 2016 18:08

Danger: Jan 4, 2004; all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'

Glad to see Billy Dee is back on board.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 19:18

Cheesus: Oct 17, 2002; Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.; Yam Slacker

That's my favorite part about this "reveal".

Like Lucasfilm wouldn't be promoting the hell out of that by now.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 21:29

Danger: Jan 4, 2004; all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'

Also it's literally just the Revan storyline again.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 21:37

Super-NintendoUser: Jan 16, 2004; COWABUNGERDER COMPADRES; Soiled Meat

Cheesus posted:

That's my favorite part about this "reveal".

Like Lucasfilm wouldn't be promoting the hell out of that by now.

Great, Disney just keeps rolling out the old stars that can barely move, with faces frozen by plastic surgery make up, and takes them for a laptop around the set, and then kills of their characters.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 21:38

Danger: Jan 4, 2004; all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'

I mean, I kinda dig the reincarnation thing because it's wacky in a really George Lucas way.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 21:42

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

Danger posted:

I mean, I kinda dig the reincarnation thing because it's wacky in a really George Lucas way.

The reincarnation idea is brilliant because it would literally piss off everyone.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 21:44

computer parts: Nov 18, 2010; PLEASE CLAP

mycot posted:

The reincarnation idea is brilliant because it would literally piss off everyone.

I would love Mark Hamil to say "No, you are my father" though.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 21:49

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# ? May 31, 2024 06:45

CelticPredator: Oct 11, 2013; 🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

Danger posted:

I mean, I kinda dig the reincarnation thing because it's wacky in a really George Lucas way.

Rey is good at everything because she was once a man.

# ? Apr 22, 2016 21:53

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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