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Have I got a doozy. I'm here at the bar, eating a late meal, and the group next to me is drinking a lot and being annoying. One of them is harassing another customer. His friends are telling him to knock it off, regularly, but he's not having any of it. Eventually, he stumbles to the bathroom, where I'm told he projectile vomited all over. His friends put him in their car to sleep it off, apologize for their friends, keep drinking (one drink each, a shot for one of them, and the bartender tells me the most any of them had before I got there was two beers), still being annoying but not "these guys need to be cut off" annoying. As they are kinda-sorta getting ready to leave, one of their coat falls off the bar, spilling/breaking a Captain Morgan bottle that was inside that nobody knew about. Christ, I can't honestly tell where it was, thats how covert they were hiding it. Police are called, they spend ten minutes at the front door in a "We're leaving" holding pattern, before actually leaving. One of them tries to walk back to the bar to finish his drink, twice. Police are informed of what the dudes look like and which direction they walked off. MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 04:56 on May 5, 2016 |
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May 5, 2016 04:49
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MisterBibs posted:Have I got a doozy. Terrible anecdote. Where's the schaden?
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May 5, 2016 05:02
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Shalkore posted:Terrible anecdote. Where's the schaden? I found the going from bad to worse thing schadeny. Plus, if the cops find them (they couldn't have gotten far), it's public intoxication at least.
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May 5, 2016 05:09
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I assume the police intercepted them and gave them a much deserved drunk driving ticket or penalty of some sort.
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May 5, 2016 05:09
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Subjunctive posted:No. "You $thing!" takes a noun. quote:You will destroy him in every way because you are female and family courts hate males. Strudel Man has a new favorite as of 05:17 on May 5, 2016 |
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May 5, 2016 05:14
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Merijn posted:It's not playing at all on my end so here's the non-embedded link: http://imgur.com/JDenvLGh Sincere apologies.
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May 5, 2016 06:12
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WAR CRIME SYNDICAT posted:The skin he's wearing is only 45. And I imagine skins don't fit that well when you take them from someone else and just sort of slip into them. He would like some water. With sugar.
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May 5, 2016 11:13
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Strudel Man posted:"You are $thing" takes an adjective, though, which is at least what got quoted. Huh. Turns out reading is still fundamental.
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May 5, 2016 12:25
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Botchamania double http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x48iy43_botchamania-306_sport http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x48j4uv_botchamana-307_sport
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May 5, 2016 13:19
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https://i.imgur.com/r4yeJnz.gifv https://i.imgur.com/NrSJ09F.gifv https://i.imgur.com/hvNOMLw.gifv https://i.imgur.com/QUyvL5I.gifv
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May 5, 2016 14:01
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Testekill posted:Botchamania double I don't think the referees get enough credit for not just throwing their hands up and walking out in the middle of some of those matches.
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May 5, 2016 14:23
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Jonathan Yeah! posted:https://i.imgur.com/r4yeJnz.gifv If there's anything I like more than non-participants getting hit with errant balls, it's animals stealing cameras. A good post. Leaving a port-o-john just to be hit in the face with a baseball has to be one of the most depressing progressions of events I've ever heard. SpacePig has a new favorite as of 14:30 on May 5, 2016 |
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May 5, 2016 14:27
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Helicopter mom decides to help her son's army career along and pesters a Facebook returned servicemen page admin for advice http://imgur.com/gallery/nWSQe Sample: 
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May 5, 2016 15:25
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Funny, but has a ring of STDH
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May 5, 2016 15:32
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:Helicopter mom decides to help her son's army career along and pesters a Facebook returned servicemen page admin for advice yeaaaa this reeks of stdh.txt
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May 5, 2016 15:41
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Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:Funny, but has a ring of STDH I get the feeling that some of it in the beginning is true, but it also changes formats and has a website watermark starting halfway through, and that's when it starts getting a bit too silly.
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May 5, 2016 15:42
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E: wait, why can't Brits just call the onion the onion?
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May 5, 2016 15:45
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I dread to ask, but: what's a 'pizza party'? I am guessing it;s nothing to do with Dominoes
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May 5, 2016 16:18
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5Bravo are a bunch of babies who repost tired "military humor" and get super upset at anything even remotely anti-military. I can almost guarantee that "chat" never took place. They recently "declared war" on The Onion because of this:
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May 5, 2016 16:23
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spog posted:I dread to ask, but: what's a 'pizza party'? No, they're legit saying "I'll order some pizzas and have a party for your special snowflake" all the while calculating how many weeks he's going to assign her son to cleaning bathrooms with a toothbrush.
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May 5, 2016 16:30
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spog posted:I dread to ask, but: what's a 'pizza party'? It's a party where you order pizza?!?! Spog, it sounds like people need to throw you a pizza party.
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May 5, 2016 16:31
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Carbon dioxide posted:E: wait, why can't Brits just call the onion the onion? We do call The Onion The Onion though?
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May 5, 2016 16:52
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spog posted:I dread to ask, but: what's a 'pizza party'? I won't say anything about the veracity of that particular story, but when I was in Basic our fourth platoon had a group of concerned parents who put together their own Support Are Kids forum and would coordinate sending out waves of care packages full of snacks. The drill sergeants liked to have the soldiers cram as much food into themselves as possible, work them out mercilessly until floor of their bay was mostly covered in partially-digested hohos, then have them clean that poo poo up and repeat. Oversolicitous parents are the loving worst, and regardless of whether this particular story is true or not, poo poo like that story has happened hundreds of times and invariably leads to the soldier in question getting hosed over. Heh, also there was a dude in my platoon whose brother was already in the army; he would get care packages full of glitter and gay porn mags with 'please gently caress up my brother' notes. Fortunately our drills were all right (and he was pretty good at army poo poo, always helps someone get hosed with less) and only complied the first two times!
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May 5, 2016 17:05
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Sometimes a pizza party is just a pizza party.
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May 5, 2016 17:11
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Aramoro posted:We do call The Onion The Onion though? I linked to something on the daily mash which is apparently like the onion.
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May 5, 2016 17:32
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LonsomeSon posted:The drill sergeants liked to have the soldiers cram as much food into themselves as possible, work them out mercilessly until floor of their bay was mostly covered in partially-digested hohos, then have them clean that poo poo up and repeat. Oversolicitous parents are the loving worst, and regardless of whether this particular story is true or not, poo poo like that story has happened hundreds of times and invariably leads to the soldier in question getting hosed over. The military is so loving stupid.
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May 5, 2016 17:34
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"My son is about to be the most physically, mentally, and emotionally fatigued he has ever been. He will be permanently exhausted and sleep deprived. The less he stands out, the better life will be for him. I should send him a box of twinkies"
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May 5, 2016 17:40
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pizza partys sound so cheesy
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May 5, 2016 17:42
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Carbon dioxide posted:I linked to something on the daily mash which is apparently like the onion. There can only be one satire website on the internet. There are rules about this.
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May 5, 2016 17:46
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88h88 posted:There can only be one satire website on the internet. There are rules about this. To be fair, the Onion is satire, whereas most other sites are "satire" in that they just make poo poo up to get page views and put a little "YO DUDE IT'S A PRANK IT'S A PRANK" disclaimer at the bottom.
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May 5, 2016 18:46
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I'm probably late, but this bit with the fence gate is pure poetry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6-5hWways0&t=273s (Should start at 4:33)
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May 5, 2016 19:10
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This is more the aftermath of a very stupid idea, but any person who has ever used an epilator will be wincing in pain at this. It's bad enough on your legs, I can't imagine the pain of doing your head! I tried doing my armpits once and nearly passed out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCDMaO84nUY
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May 5, 2016 19:37
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Capercaillies get ridiculously aggressive when it's breeding season. Here's one knocking David Attenborough on his rear end (starting at 42 seconds): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xSj5XcByuA
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May 5, 2016 19:42
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Carbon dioxide posted:I linked to something on the daily mash which is apparently like the onion. The Daily Mash is pretty great as a satire news site, it's just UK-centric like The Onion is US-centric.
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May 5, 2016 19:54
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Scarf posted:5Bravo are a bunch of babies who repost tired "military humor" and get super upset at anything even remotely anti-military. I can almost guarantee that "chat" never took place. They recently "declared war" on The Onion because of this: Charge that fuckin phone, god drat
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May 5, 2016 20:01
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I'd like to think that the hawk wasn't actually hunting for food; he was just tired of their noisy bitchfight and swooped down to shut them the hell up.
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May 5, 2016 20:05
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Karma Monkey posted:I'd like to think that the hawk wasn't actually hunting for food; he was just tired of their noisy bitchfight and swooped down to shut them the hell up. Fighting for the right to breed and they both managed to get hosed.
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May 5, 2016 20:12
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Aramoro posted:The Daily Mash is pretty great as a satire news site, it's just UK-centric like The Onion is US-centric. And just like The Onion, they sometimes hit way too close to home. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/britons-learn-everything-is-a-massive-con-designed-to-oppress-them-go-back-to-work-20160406107795
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May 5, 2016 22:24
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Karma Monkey posted:I'd like to think that the hawk wasn't actually hunting for food; he was just tired of their noisy bitchfight and swooped down to shut them the hell up. That's a golden eagle. 
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May 5, 2016 23:59
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Karma Monkey posted:I'd like to think that the hawk wasn't actually hunting for food; he was just tired of their noisy bitchfight and swooped down to shut them the hell up. I like to imagine that the eagle was like a protective step dad and she was screaming "Stop it! I love him!"
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May 6, 2016 00:08
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