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Maugrim posted:I like how Spermy Smurf is now held solely responsible when fights aren't run. Whatever happened to... *looks at OP" Jazzimus, Silverminnow, Galick and possibly Anchors? Sadly I had to quit due to picking up a second job and a position change at my first job. So I'm busy as all gently caress nowadays.
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May 9, 2016 20:53
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| # ? May 10, 2024 17:34 |
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You know what, I'm willing to volunteer to run fights.
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May 9, 2016 21:03
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Let's all give a warm welcome to our newest Season 5 commissioner, Pickled Tink!
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May 9, 2016 23:35
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Jazzimus Prime posted:Let's all give a warm welcome to our newest Season 5 commissioner, Pickled Tink! 
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May 9, 2016 23:45
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Why arent any fights run yet? What the gently caress, Tinkled?
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May 9, 2016 23:47
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I agree. Worst commissioner since the last one.
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May 9, 2016 23:50
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And not even half as handsome according to my
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May 9, 2016 23:57
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laziness is inherent in the system
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May 10, 2016 04:27
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Maugrim posted:I like how Spermy Smurf is now held solely responsible when fights aren't run. Whatever happened to... *looks at OP" Jazzimus, Silverminnow, Galick and possibly Anchors? I still don't rate, somehow.  I'd be posting more, but I got a new gym membership and I can only think about one thing at a time.
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May 10, 2016 07:03
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ZeeToo posted:I'd be posting more, but I got a new gym membership and I can only think about one thing at a time. It's the wrong thing, clearly. 
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May 10, 2016 07:38
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ZeeToo posted:I still don't rate, somehow. what do you mean somehow, I haven't seen you posting any fights lately You gotta earn that OP spot.
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May 10, 2016 09:42
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I went to bed before I got promoted. I have run a fight and am working on the writeup. This is a lot of work when I don't have all the proper tools, and had to learn how to use and run macro's on the fly.
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May 10, 2016 10:31
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Yeah it takes a few fights to find a good workflow for you. Spermy can give you tips I expect though.
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May 10, 2016 10:34
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Oh I have tips and tricks aplenty. Mostly they revolve around cheating for my team, but I dont know how well that will help Tinkled.
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May 10, 2016 10:51
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 Round 16, Fight 8 Subterranean Animists (13-2), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Braun Strowman (Frozen_Flame) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields an iron short sword and two copper short swords and wears an iron helm, two copper mail shirts, iron leggings, and iron gauntlets. Baldwin (captaindirtnap) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, iron gauntlets, and steel low boots. Qwarf (C7ty1) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and steel gauntlets. Dusseldwarf (decoy badger) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Lightly Whipped (0-15), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Ghost-trees (jon joe) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper flail and a wooden buckler and wears a copper mail shirt. Trump's Viscous Discharge (goatface) is a female minotaur. She is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, leather armor, a bronze mail shirt, and bronze high boots. Grimmik (FillInTheBlank) is a male gremlin. He wields a silver whip and wears an iron helm. Jupis Tooki McGannel (GreyPowerVan) is a male strangler. He wields a copper whip and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm, a copper mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Subterranean Animists is a 13.55 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 15415.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1138.00 dwarfbucks for Lightly Whipped.  Here they are, lined up for the fight. The Animists on the left, chomping at the bit and ready to eviscerate, and the brave members of Lightly Whipped on the right, who are looking glum since they were just informed that their contracts run for another two matches after this one and there is no escape clause.  And they clash in the centre, with Ghost-trees and Braun Strowman coming together, and Braun's sword immediately removing Ghost-tree's head. Well, that was fast. Meanwhile Dusseldwarf stabs Grimmick in the lower body, severing his spine. Grimmick tries to attack Dusseldwarf and Qwarf but they swat aside his attempts with ease. Braun then turns her attention to the Minotaur, Trump, and stabs her in the upper body, but she responds by lowering his head and goring her in the abdomen with her horns, bruising her guts and cracking open her chitin. Baldwin stabs Trump in the upper body with his spear in an attempt to distract Trump who is busy fondling Braun's head.  Speaking of heads, Qwarf has bitten Grimmik in the head and is shaking him around with his teeth, sending blood everywhere. At first I thought he was enraged, but no, it just turns out he hadn't had breakfast before the battle. A note to all the managers: Please feed your Gladiators before the battle. Dusseldwarf slices off the stricken gremlins arm just to make matters worse for the poor creature. The poor gremlin finally passes out from the pain, and Dusseldwarf cuts him in half with his spear.  Trump lashes out at Braun once again, but she manages to deflect it with her head before engaging in the Antwoman Secret Battle Technique of vomiting all over herself in an attempt to be too disgusting to attack. It works and Trump turns to attack Baldwin, who blocks her strike and stabs her in the foot, sending her both to the floor and to unconsciousness from the pain. Baldwin then skewers Trump through the head, finishing the Minotaur. It is now the three dwarves against Jupis to the south of the arena. Meanwhile Braun continues vomiting all over herself. There aren't even any enemies near her anymore. Antwomen are weird.  Jupis proceeds to provide an amazing demonstration of evasive fighting, leaping away from Dwarven strikes and catching blows on her shield, but it cannot last. Dusseldwarf scores the first breakthrough, sending her spear through one of the Strangler's arms and sending blood gushing from the wound. Despite this Jupis managed to block and parry the next three blows before Qwarf gets his spear through his defenses, removing his left leg below the knee. Baldwin compounds this by putting his spear into Jupis's right leg, shattering the bone and sending even more blood spraying from another severed artery as the strangler falls to the floor. Qwarf stabs Jupis in the spine and the strangler loses hold of his weapon and shield. A moment later he loses hold of his teeth as well when Baldwin kicks them out. Look, the fight is over now. Just put the poor bastard out of his misery. There is no need for this. Ignoring my pleas for mercy upon the broken Jupis, Qwarf and Dusseldwarf simultaneously slice off the poor creatures left hands with their spears.  Finally, Jupis manages to escape their macabre game when he manages to bleed to death. Qwarf is awarded the kill. The crowd cheers as Braun vomits all over herself again.  Subterranian Animists defeated Lightly Whipped 4-0. Kills: Braun Strowman: 1 Baldwin: 1 Qwarf: 1 Dusseldwarf: 1 Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 15:00 on May 10, 2016 |
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May 10, 2016 11:30
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I feel bad for watching that.
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May 10, 2016 11:58
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Great writeup, Pickled. It's just a shame that it was such a massacre.
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May 10, 2016 12:03
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Excuse me that was marvellous *Dwarven* vomit there. Braun expects an apology in the next fight.
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May 10, 2016 12:10
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Excellent debut, and a glorious massacre. I particularly like the all-dwarf team sharing out the kills evenly, and I congratulate the Whipping Boys on successfully making someone vomit at the sight of them. 56 kills for the Animists, which is 50 more than their opponents.
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May 10, 2016 12:10
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A+ would read again. Keep it up, only 25 more fights to run.
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May 10, 2016 12:33
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A brilliant display for dwarven teamwork and eventual mercy!
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May 10, 2016 12:36
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TVD is a lady.
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May 10, 2016 14:53
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goatface posted:TVD is a lady.
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May 10, 2016 15:01
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Excellent writeup! I still believe Lightly Whipped can use the power of home arena advantage to win one of their last two matches. 
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May 10, 2016 15:17
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I spent like 3 rounds worth of bonus points on experimenting with shields, because I couldn't be bothered to load up DF and put some macros in.
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May 10, 2016 15:20
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Excellent writeup, great fight, kudos all around Could you post a screenshot of the match bets next time? I paid 4 dorfbux to have my name in that screenshot. Also, lightly whipped match bets are always very interesting. Jazzimus Prime posted:
This is one of the most implausible things I've ever heard.
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May 10, 2016 17:16
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Say what you will, I'm rooting for a Lightly Whipped upset over C.R.A.P.!
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May 10, 2016 21:22
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Ah gently caress. I ran Heavyweight Horrorshow VS Worse Munki, but by the time I finished writing it up, it appears someone else had gone in and beaten me to submitting the results. Worse still, my one apparently went the other way 
Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 14:25 on May 11, 2016 |
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May 11, 2016 14:17
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Post them both, have a tiebreaker match composed of the quantum survivors
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May 11, 2016 14:41
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So I got the monkey blood, but have absolutely no idea how to get the ending and I'm sick of Rebuild. This means I've uninstalled it and will be running fights again. Round 16, Fight 2 Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow (6-9), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Here comes Mongo! (Endorph) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. ShortName (ZeeToo) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, a copper breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Face (Godna) is a male troll. He wields a copper two-handed sword and wears a silver cap, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and silver high boots. Jakob (frankenfreak) is a male werewolf. He wields a bronze mace and wears a copper helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Worse Munki (11-4), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Experiment Twenty-Two (fallingdownjoe) is a female tigerman. She wields an iron long sword and wears an iron helm, leather armor, and an iron mail shirt. Strangler Than Fiction (Tunicate) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, a steel mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and copper low boots. SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS (Pittsburgh Lambic) is a male elf. He wields a silver war hammer and wears leather leggings and leather high boots. Chaz Steadyfist (Segway Rave) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a silver helm, leather armor, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets.  Worse Munki is a 2.06 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 6358.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 3085.00 dwarfbucks for Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow.  Team 13 has a clear plan and personally I think it's a good one: Stay the gently caress away from Chaz.  The plan goes pretty well through the first round of combat. Experiment 22's sword sings and Face's arm flies off. Mongo is busy trying to shake Strangler's teeth off of his stomach. ShortName abruptly turns and stabs at Chaz who was woefully unprepared for it... Chaz's leg collapses, and the deadly werewolf removes an ear from the moleman in retaliation.  Mongo finally shakes Strangler loose, but his kidney has been bruised and he's in pain. Experiment 22's sword that is lodged in Mongos head might have something to do with the pain. I'm not a doctor, I don't know these things. Jakob smashes one of Stranglers arms to paste, but before that he'd already fractured Experiment 22's arm causing pain. Jakob hates arms today.  ShortName parries Chaz's feeble attack from the ground and then his spear darts forward and impales a werewolf spleen. Chaz passes out.  Face, down bottom, sends SRIRACHA sprawling, but the elf pops up to his feet and shatters Face's foot. The troll falls over. Up top Experiment 22 pulls the sword out of Mongos head and then sticks it right back in. Mongo's head is cloven asunder, and he is struck down.  It is really a bad time to be a troll. SRIRACHA shatters a thigh and Face passses out. Up north Jakob pushes Strangler's mouth off of his throat and continues bruising the strangler.  In the middle ShortName wants to finish Chaz but can't get a moment to himself. So he stabs Experiment 22 in the left foot and the tigerman falls to the floor. That clears up some space and ShortName plunges his spear into Chaz's heart. It doesn't kill him of course. Jakob gets the upper hand by biting Stranglers eyelid which causes enough pain for Strangler to pass out up north.  SRIRACHA smashes away at Face's skull until it collapses. ShortName puts his spear in Chaz's lung.  Jakob crushes Stranglers head. ShortName loses a hand to Experiment 22 and replies by spearing the tigers leg, and Experiment 22 passes out.  Jakob comes over and crushes Experiement 22's head. SRIRACHA moves north to fight 2 opponents.  Chaz finally bleeds to death, Jakob gets the kill.  Shortname changes targets after SRIRACHA jams his ribs into his lungs. He's a bit woozy, SRIRACHA dodges backward from both fighters now.  Jakob grounds the elf, then ShortName spears the elf and SRIRACHA passes out.  Shortname gets the kill. Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow pulls a 4-2 upset possibly thanks to homefield advantage. Kills: Jakob: 3 ShortName: 1 Experiment 22: 1 SRIRACHA: 1 Combat Log 
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May 11, 2016 14:52
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Pickled Tink posted:Ah gently caress. I ran Heavyweight Horrorshow VS Worse Munki, but by the time I finished writing it up, it appears someone else had gone in and beaten me to submitting the results. Worse still, my one apparently went the other way gently caress. So this just goes to show that this is a game where the points are made up and the outcome is random. Edit: Tinkled: You start with my fight, I'll start with yours. Then you go bottom to top, I'll go top from bottom. That'll fix this moving forward. Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 14:56 on May 11, 2016 |
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May 11, 2016 14:53
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It looks like it is my own damned fault for running the fight, then waiting until after I had everything ready and written up to try and submit the results. It is really disheartening to lose three and a half hours of work though (Plus another two of breaks and dinner).
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May 11, 2016 14:55
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Tinkled, post the fight here. It's way better written than mine. Just mark it as not-the-real-one or something. Make it for funsies.
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May 11, 2016 15:00
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Pickled Tink's fight should be the real result. Especially as someone just so happened to win 361 dorfbux out of the deal. I smell a conspiracy here.
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May 11, 2016 15:06
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I appreciate waiting until the writeup is complete! It stops me from spoiling myself on match results when checking the website (since there's no corresponding thread update).
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May 11, 2016 15:07
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Spermy Smurf posted:Tinkled, post the fight here. It's way better written than mine. Just mark it as not-the-real-one or something. Make it for funsies. THIS IS NOT CANON Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow (6-9), the home team, is on the left side of the arena. Here comes Mongo! (Endorph) is a male troll. He is empty handed and wears a leather cap, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. sn (ZeeToo) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, a bronze mail shirt, a copper breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Face (Godna) is a male troll. He wields a copper two-handed sword and wears a silver cap, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and silver high boots. Jakob (frankenfreak) is a male werewolf. He wields a bronze mace and wears a copper helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Worse Munki (11-4), the visiting team, is on the right side of the arena. Experiment Twenty-Two (fallingdownjoe) is a female tigerman. She wields an iron long sword and wears an iron helm, leather armor, and an iron mail shirt. Strangler Than Fiction (Tunicate) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, a steel mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and copper low boots. SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS (Pittsburgh Lambic) is a male elf. He wields a silver war hammer and wears leather leggings and leather high boots. Chaz Steadyfist (Segway Rave) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a silver helm, leather armor, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets. Worse Munki is a 2.06 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 6358.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 3085.00 dwarfbucks for Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow.  Look! Peoples bets! Never let it be said that I don't listen to the complaints of readers. I just often choose to dismiss them.  And here we are. On the left we have the home team, Heavyweight Horrorshow looking to score an upset against Worse Munki. They have not bribed me however. On the right we have Worse Munki, the favourites going into this match. Like their opponents, they have neglected to bribe me as well. Seriously, I have very reasonable bribe packages.  The gladiators charge towards the centre, with SRIRACHA in the lead. He opens hostilities on this tragically bribe free match with a blow to Jakob's leg that bruises muscle before he parries the werewolf's counterstroke before dodging away from the approaching Mongo. Mongo then sets his eyes on Strangler Than Fiction. "MOUSEY?!" Mongo exclaims, grabbing the strangler with his left hand and drawing her close. "MONGO PET MOUSEY!" "I AM NOT A MOUSE!" Strangler Than Fiction screams as she bites him in the hand. "I WILL CALL YOU GEORGE AND I WILL HUG YOU AND PET YOU AND SQUEEZE YOU..." Mongo cries as he rubbed his face against the strangler, bruising her leg. Experiment Twenty-Two was not impressed to see her teammate being savagely hugged by the towering Troll and stabbed him in the left leg, tearing the muscle and sending the behemoth to the floor, making his release the poor strangler, who had barely a moment to savour her freedom before Face came in from the side and slashed her across her left leg, sending her down to the floor besides her tormentor. Meanwhile, SRIRACHA charges Jakob, but the werewolf braces himself and the elf bounces off and topples to the floor. He then has to quickly parry an attack from sn the Molemarian as he comes in stabbing with his spear. Jakob turns away from the downed elf and attacks CHaz Steadyfist with a swing of his mace that the other werewolf catches on his shiled before delivering a shallow gash to Jakob's hand. Capitalising on this, Chaz charges Jakob and knocks him sprawling to the floor.  Face swings his sword at the grounded Strangler Than Fiction, but she manages to twist enough to prevent it from cutting through her steel mail shirt. Unfortunately this brings her back within Mongo's reach and he grabs her by the ear, drawing her close again, despite her desperate biting. "...AND PAT HIM AND PET HIM..." Mongo continues as he draws the poor strangler in close once again, and presses his head up against hers and accidentally crushes her head to goo with his tusk.  "...AND RUB HIM AND CARESS HIM..." Mongo continued until with a terrible crack, Chaz Steadyfist buried his halberd in Mongo's skull. "...WHERE MOUSEY?" exclaimed the confused (And concussed) Mongo as Chaz tried to pull out his embedded weapon. The trolls eyes fall upon Experiment Twenty-Two and he growls "KITTY ATE MONGO'S MOUSEY! GIVE BACK!" and grabbed the Tigerwomans tooth, trying to pry open her jaws. Desperately she slices off one of his tusks with her iron sword, but before she can do anything else, Face drags his sword across her right leg and sending her to the floor as she passes out from pain. Meanwhile, SRIRACHA and Chaz team up to attack Jakob, with SRIRACHA smashing him in the guts with her war hammer and Chaz stabbing him in the leg. With his leg broken, Jakob falls to the floor and SRIRACHA goes to town on him, shattering his ankle and smashing his spine before knocking him out with a blow to the head. As this beating proceeds, so too does the beating of Experiment Twenty-Two with Mongo biting the unconscious Tigerwoman and shaking her about as Face and sn try to smash through her iron helmet. Things are looking pretty bad for the Tigerwoman when Chaz departs the skirmish against the now broken werewolf Jakob and attacks Mongo from behind, slashing him across the neck the neck before splitting his head in two with his next swing of the iron halberd.  A few moments later SRIRACHA smashes Jakob's head in with her hammer.  A short time later sn finally manages to breach the helmet of Experiment Twenty-Two and send her to join the ranks of the dead.  Chaz Steadyfist advances on face, determined to put down the swordtroll for good, but his attacks fail to breach the beasts armour. SRIRACHA joins him and shows him how it is done, slamming her hammer into the trolls right leg and sending him to the floor and unconsciousness. With the beast lowered to the ground thus, Chaz has no problem splitting the second trolls head in half with his halberd. All that remains between the Worse Munki and victory is sn the armoured Molemarian. Unlike the rest of his team, sn knows how to fight. He also knows how to not pass out from pain. Will this be the path to victory? sn drives SRIRACHA back with a spear thrust, then parries Chaz's halberd. Chaz responds to this by ineffectually biting sn in the helmet. No! Bad Chaz! Molemarians are ugly enough already without being infected with lycanthropy! Keep your teeth to yourself! Chaz, not deterred by my cries from the commentary box, leans in and brings his mouth to sn's and... oh my god... oh my god is he KISSING sn?! Startled by this, sn wrenches himself backwards, losing a bunch of teeth to Chaz's unorthodox and unnatural assault. Infuriated by his rejection, Chaz swings his halberd and knocks out one of sn's incisors before throwing himself at the mortified molemarian, knocking him to the floor. sn stands up quickly and desperately stabs his spear at the demented werewolf, striking him in the arm and tearing muscle, severing nerves, and slicing open an artery. Chaz looks down at the wound in shock and betrayal as his halberd slips from his grasp and falls to the floor, and then passes out from pain to land beside it. It is now down to two gladiators. On one side is SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS the elf, armed with his silver war hammer. On the other is sn the molemarian, armed with a copper spear. The two gladiators trade blows, neither giving ground to the other until , some minutes later, SRIRACHA manages to land a solid blow to sn and severs his spinal cord. The Molemarian falls to the ground and drops his spear. Chaz takes his time with his downed opponent, beating him evenly across the body, the rhythmic sound of metal on meat punctuated by the sound of bones shattering under the onslaught. sn, defeated, just lays there laughing as the elf pulps his left front foot, and then smashes his right arm to gore as well. Then his left hand is crushed to paste. Infuriated by the molemarians laughter, SRIRACHA smashes sn's nose to paste, then scratches it off entirely before crushing the molemarians mouth and tongue. with two more blows. Another reduces his right ear to ruin, before he crushes the creatures right hand. Finally, tiring after this savagery, SRIRACHA brings his hammer down on sn's head, finally killing the poor creature. Worse Munki defeats Heavyweight Horrorshow 4 to 2.  Kills: Mongo: 1 sn: 1 Chaz Steadyfist: 2 SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS: 2 THAT WAS NOT CANON
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May 11, 2016 15:15
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Decoy Badger posted:I appreciate waiting until the writeup is complete! It stops me from spoiling myself on match results when checking the website (since there's no corresponding thread update). I only leave like 5 minutes between the writeup being posted and the result being entered online I figure you guys aren't being spoiled that much!All I leave myself to do is bold and underline the character names.
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May 11, 2016 15:18
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Ok, we've seen the two timelines, now collapse them in a final 2v2.
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May 11, 2016 15:51
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Told ya, ShortName is one nasty piece of work.
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May 11, 2016 16:20
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| # ? May 10, 2024 17:34 |
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The Trousers of Time have bifurcated, and we remain in the leg with the Horrorshow triumphant. This is significant: Had they lost, their very slim playoff hopes would have been snuffed out. Jakob remains the only Heavyweight in double figures.
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May 11, 2016 16:51
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