Artemis J Brassnuts posted:

Im so jealous because I could never come up with a name that ironically brilliant. Hiro Protagonist is a distant second to Kain Pathos Crow for the crown of best terrible name.

quote:

I thought this was a huge buildup to a joke termination procedure. A researcher just walks up to the SCP, says "$299", and it drops dead.

As is all the saturn puns don't really have any payoff.

DeusExMachinima posted:

Are they ever going to pick a real SCP-001 or have a competition for the winner? It makes sense for all the proposals to be there as a transitional state but as is it's a bunch of numberless SCPs.

MisterBibs posted:

Has anyone done anything in the vein of blood/people-eating-plant that I've missed, or has people kept away for the obvious Little Shop of Horrors connection?

I've had this idea (inspired by a bad dream, actually) of a plant that consumes human blood, but isn't eating anyone like the movie/play. No, what it does is somehow influences people to cut/bleed on or near the plant, completely innocent-like. 50% inexplicably sharp bits on the thing, 50% somehow making people clumsy with sharps around it and thinking it's totally normal to want to run to the plant to clean yourself up. If you're around it too long, you decide to lay down and let the plant's roots go into your chest and keep you alive for a while until you can't produce any more blood take a little nap near it.

I want to avoid things like crazed folks slashing their wrists or anything; the mental image I have is a large(ish) but normal-looking plant with a bunch of living bodies (who are convinced that things are perfectly normal, perfectly fine) underneath it.

"Everyone deserves happiness", by Tsar Erwin posted:

May 8, 2016

Head Researcher Web J. Griffin, a Twenty nine year old from upstate New York, had worked with SCP-232-7 for over half of a year, believing he could figure out a more humane containment protocol than what was in place. But, all twenty five of his ideas has failed and had to resort to more brutal modes of Montauk-101 then previously. Griffin had been appointed as Head Researcher after the previous Head Researcher, Atticus Klaus, drunk himself to death. Griffin kept having close calls with being removed from the project, only staying on due to his extensive knowledge in the skip itself. But, he had recently failed a psychological screening and was due to a transfer tomorrow.

Today would be the last time Griffin would have to watch the girl without a name go through the horror of Montauk-101. He couldn't sleep that night, and instead spent the night drinking from his small flask he'd obtained from Klaus after his death. Griffin had often stared at the flask emptily some nights, wondering if he too would suffer the same fate as his previous predecessor. And most nights, he refused to so much as touch it. But, tonight was different. Because, tonight was the night before mothers day. The day which he has always dreaded since the day his wife had died during childbirth, years prior. And, also because of the one conversation he ever had with the previous Head Researcher.

"Every deserves to be happy, don't they?" Klaus had asked one day, during Griffins first week on the job while Griffin had watched in horror at Montauk-101 being carried out. Griffin frequently asked himself that very question, and it was also the main motivator for him trying to figure out a more humane way to treat the girl without a name.

That morning, Griffin showed up at the testing chamber before the others. He stood at the one way window, staring down into the chamber that was being prepped for today's task. He stood there even as the personnel began to flood in and watched as the girl without a name, carrying the means of her suffering in her stomach, was wheeled in. His assistant, Jessica De-Siva, tapped Griffins shoulder gently bring him back to reality. He quickly made his way to his post and leaned into the intercom. "attention all personnel. I repeat attention all personnel. Montouk-101 is in process, be vigilant." He said hollowly, and with that the monitor on his desk lit up as the blast doors slammed shut over the window. Then, the five men in jumpsuits entered, much to the confusion of the girl.

Griffin listened, as he always did, to Montauk-101 take place yet again. But, today it had felt different to him, his normally stone cold demeanor had taken the form of a saddened drunk, one filled with pain and neglect. He listened as the young girl who had no name screamed as those wretched men in jumpsuits defiled her in ungodly ways, and this time he couldn't watch.

Today, before leaving his room he had called his mother, wishing her a happy Mothers day. And today he watched as the girl without a name, the poor girl, go through the same treatment she had gone through so recently but couldn't even remember. As Griffin listened to the screams he wondered to himself if he was the only one whom was pondering on how the girl must've felt. Of course he wouldn't ask that, because the Ethics committee would have he removed as head researcher.

Suddenly, the breach alarms began to blare bringing Griffin back to reality with a snap. The personnel in the room began screaming and running, hoping to get as far away as they could before SCP-231-7 finally breached containment after all this time. Griffin was not one of them. Instead, he watched as the girl who had no names stomach begin to morph and disfigure itself, seeming ready to burst. Griffin knew just as well as the others what this would mean for everyone. An XK-end of the world event was about to happen, because Montauk-101 had failed. And, in a simpler sense, they had failed. Griffin was smiling faintly as a single tear rolled down his face. Maybe someone else would succeed in containment of SCP-231-7, but his time was up.

Jessica stood dutifully by Griffins side, a hand held over her mouth. Griffin watched with a sad happiness at the situation. "Everyone deserves to be happy, don't they?" Griffin asked Jessica softly, who simply nodded in return. Griffin closed his eyes and mumbled a prayer to whatever might be listening, to save not only his soul, but the one of the girl without a name. Then, silently Griffin leaned forward into the intercom and pressed the button that'd project his voice site wide, including the chamber that 231-7 was beginning held. "Lets all wish Kathy a happy mothers day. May she finally know happiness." He said firmly, attempting to keep his voice steady. And, as if his words were the final release mechanism for 231-7, the last thing Head Researcher Web J. Griffin saw was a weak, genuine smile from the girl who was now known as Kathy before containment completely breached and the site collapsed in on itself.

The last thing Griffin felt was relief, Kathy who had suffered so greatly was finally free of it all. Griffins job was completed, he was finally happy she was freed. Everyone deserves happiness, after all.

Avshalom posted:

like a loving nude slenderman with a snake face idk i spent most of that summer sitting naked in front of a fan and walking a labrador with behavioural difficulties who once ate a whole 750gram bag of uncooked almonds and got wild diarrhoea so every five seconds she'd squat and this stream of undigested whole almonds would go pop-pop-pop-pop-pop out of her rear end in a top hat like a machine gun. anyway that was what i was dealing with and that's how i forgot that you could draw an anthropomorphic toaster with red-hot slots and someone on the internet will still want to have sex with it

Avshalom posted:

you could draw an anthropomorphic toaster with red-hot slots and someone on the internet will still want to have sex with it

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

Well? What did it look like?

Facebook Aunt posted:

Parahexavoctal posted:

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2243

best interview or worst interview?

Parahexavoctal posted:

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2243

best interview or worst interview?

bewilderment posted:

No, this is still the best interview for me : http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1728

Law Cheetah posted:

wtf i didnt know that the tupac scp was written by max landis

ToxicSlurpee posted:

This is just sad as hell but very well done.

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2420

Poor dog. Poor guy.

Parahexavoctal posted:

this should cheer you up:

the dog in the picture belongs to the person who wrote the article, and she's doing just fine.

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

2420 is pretty great, to be sure.

I also find this one interesting. It used to be a library, you know.

SCP-2945, "Choral Epode" posted:

**Item #:** SCP-2945

**Object Class:** Safe

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-2945 is to be kept in a standard safe-class storage chamber at Site 68. Dr. Selvece must be contacted for permission to test SCP-2945.

**Description:** SCP-2945 is a English translation copy of //Philoctetes//, a Greek tragedy by the ancient playwright Sophocles (497-406 BCE) (trans. Gregory McNamee, Copper Canyon Press, 1986). SCP-2945 displays no physical anomalous properties and possesses no memetic or compulsive properties compelling people to use it.

SCP-2945's anomalous properties manifest when an individual has the book within their possession for an excess of 24 hours. At this time, between 10-12 entities (hereafter SCP-2945-A) will begin to manifest in locations near the subject in 7-8 hour intervals. SCP-2945-A are only visible to the subject, and have been described as wearing masks and apparel similar to those believed to be worn by the chorus of ancient Greek theatre. [[footnote]]In Greek theatre of antiquity, a Chorus is a homogenous group of individuals who collectively comment on the play's action. Sometimes they are visible to and directly interact with characters, other times they remain unseen observers.[[/footnote]] SCP-2945-A will not appear when the subject is sleeping or is otherwise unconscious, and will typically manifest within fifteen minutes of the subject waking.

SCP-2945-A will comment on events going on in the affected subject's life, done in either a political, theatrical, or farcical matter (depending on how the subject's life is going). The entities will typically manifest by entering a door or otherwise appearing in a way that the subject does not directly see. They will pause when they are within three meters of the subject, and will then begin speaking in complete unison with one another. SCP-2945-A will typically speak with in a form of blank verse, with a one second interval between each verse.

At any time, the subject can interact with them, though the amount of responses the subject can make to SCP-2945 appears to be limited to five. After five responses or if fifteen seconds pass without a response from the subject, the entities will leave when the subject closes their eyes or is otherwise unable to see them.

After approximately one hundred hours of continuous SCP-2945-A possession, SCP-2945-A will begin to manipulate the events in the subject's life via unknown means. The choices the subject snd those around them make will be made to mirror the conventions of Greek theatre. The outcome of the subject's life varies depending on whether the actions are politically, comedically, or tragically themed. Outcomes range from great personal wealth or success to severe injury and, rarely, death. After the event has been completed, SCP-2945-A will say their "purpose is fulfilled" and will continue standard interactions until approximately one year later, at which time the subject's life will be manipulated again.

**SCP 2945 Test Log**

> **Subject:** D-7
>
> **Test:** Subject is held in a standard D-Class housing unit, with a bookshelf with SCP-2945 on it. Subject is not made aware of the book's anomalous properties.
>
> **Result:** Subject is initially startled by SCP-2945-A's presence, and inquires what they are.
>
> **SCP-2945-A Response** (Initial):
>
> //We have heard your story, and the Gods command we speak
> As Hephaestus forges steel, so too do we forge ourselves to your journey.
> We see where you have come from, how [REDACTED] in a land far from your own.
> Though our Hera weeps for you the [REDACTED] this realm is powerless against it,
> For the Foundations of your prisoners have been forged stronger than great Odysseus' bow.//

> **Subject:** D-13
>
> **Test:** Subject is given amnestics and reintroduced into the general population. Subject obtains job at a local gas station, and SCP-2945-A usually manifests in a comedic manner.
>
> **SCP-2945-A Response** (Subject had just been "unmatched" by a person on the social dating app Tinder)
>
> //(Laughter) By all the Muses! Cupid has just shot a hemlock bow at your courting machine!
> It is said that a man of Corinth once faced one hundred refusals from young women of the city,
> But he laughed, and said, "the Gods bring balance to the world."//
>
> **D-13:** What happened to him after that?
>
> **SCP-2945-A:**
> //He journeyed very far, all the way to Crete.
> As he set his foot down, he noticed a young male dog, having intercourse with a young female dog
> He laughed, and said,
> "Aristaeus has sent me a good omen! Surely in this strange world I will find a suitable bride!"
> Then as he stepped into the forest path to the city, a wild boar came through the trees,
> And devoured his genitals, before devouring his head and buttocks.//
>
> **D-13:** //[No Response.]//

> **Subject:** D-3741
>
> **Test:** Subject is made leader of a small Caribbean island nation via Foundation manipulation of the local political system. After one month, the subject begins to act in a selfish and self-indulgent manner, spending much of the country treasury on his own personal extravagances and replacing his ministers with friends and acquaintances.
>
> **SCP-2945-A Response** (Two months after possession. Subject has just had spouse murdered as revenge for a personal insult)
>
> //Your actions have earned you the wrath of Cupid.
> Even now he consults with the Gods of Olympus, and they ponder your punishment for the murder of your wife.
> Now Athena hears of your deed and cries, and through tears, speaks thus,
> "[D-3741] bears the blood of [D-3741's wife] on his hands,
> Even as he does, he coats his face with it and smiles the smile of remorseless wrath.
> My favorited one, [D-3741's wife] was of just and intelligent mind, made with all we could offer to her.
> As the dog tears apart at the squirrel when he has caught it, and gnashes its brains within its teeth,
> So to will I destroy all that you possess, and all that fate has bestowed upon you."//
>
> One week after this interaction, subject is overthrown in a popular revolution. Subject is dragged out of his Presidential residence by an angry mob, who hang him upside down from a local Wiccan altar, douse him with gasoline, and burn him alive.

[[collapsible show="Test Log Redacted by Site Director" hide="- Director Clearance Accepted"]]
> **Subject:** D-59
>
> **Test:** Subject acquires C4 explosives and detonates an archaeological site in southern Turkey, believed to be a temple to Hera built c. 300 BCE.
>
> SCP-2945-A manifests with weapons and several books determined to be copies of plays by ancient Greek playwrights thought to be lost. Subject is tied down and held captive for over two weeks, as SCP-2945-A reads every play in each of the books it possesses[[footnote]]Foundation researchers have transcribed these plays, leading to over a hundred plays of antiquity being recovered. On 24 April 2015, O5 Command voted 11-2 against releasing these plays to the academic community.[[/footnote]] After a play was completed, one of the subject's body parts was removed. Despite losing the majority of his bones and organs, subject was kept alive through the entire two week period, before expiring after the final play was read. Notably, the subject was unable to speak after being captured.
[[/collapsible]]